#and they were distant and blamed it on autism. holy shit

[detransraichu]

i finally deleted most of the selfies i had taken w my ex. i thought i was over it, i didn't expect to feel so crushed </3 rant ic

like damn. i put my all into that relationship, and turns out they were never into me to begin with. it feels so fucking humiliating bc i was being so loveydovey and looking back they were so distant, but if i asked they just reassured me that it was just their autism or DID. it's like the past 5 years were just lies, at least lies they told themself, like they tried so hard to be into female-passing people, but they only wanna date ppl who wanna pass as male, and that's never gonna be me. now they're all over someone else and showing a brand new side i never saw of them in all those years. i was trying soooo hard to make it work, i kept blaming myself and trying over and over again to romance them the Right Way, to not be too clingy, to not expect too much, to do exactly what they liked, to not expect any reciprocation bc it was just their disorders. i kinda feel gaslit ngl bc they said they wanted to break up for years but thought i wouldn't survive without them bc i was a broke disabled woman. and i get it. but who the fuck wants to date someone, kiss someone, fuck someone (the rare times it happened lol), do so much romantic shit to try to get their lover's heart to race but turns out i was in a fake ass relationship w someone who wasn't even into women. and the worst thing is, i knew that. i knew. they said so at the beginning, when i identified as transmasc. they thought i would transition but i never did. but even back then they said they only made a move on me bc they knew i had a crush on them, they didn't actually have a crush on me. i wasn't gonna make a fucking move on them but THEY STARTED IT. yeah i made dirty jokes while drunk and got cuddly and blushed sometimes, but i always was like "lmk if that makes you uncomfy!" and they always brushed it off. i get that they're a huge doormat and have trauma w saying no to people and were super inexperienced etc but i feel so crushed and betrayed. like that was my FIRST real relationship, they were my first everything. all fake

and now to see them show all the normal loveydovey behaviors i always begged for after one date with a trans guy... ouch. i don't even want them, i would only be 100% fulfilled being w someone who identifies as a woman and my attraction had waned when they transitioned. but the year before the breakup they had been more fem and i identified as a lesbian in the "only into non-men" kinda way and they seemed okay w it and they were more affectionate and i just got my hopes up, like our 5 year anniversary was at the most romantic hotel ever (even tho they didn't even cuddle me or say anything romantic to me or uhhhh do anything to show they loved me other than getting me gifts i had put in my amazon wishlist) and i really got my hopes up. when i was high the night of the breakup i had asked "do you ever think you're not into me, or aroace or something?" i expected to hear no and be reassured but they told me i wasn't ready for that conversation and it broke me!!! and then all those years were for nothing, i could've been in a loving relationship w someone else all this time, we could've just stayed roommates, but nope. nah. it was all faked on their end. all my efforts for nothing </3

#lay text #so many romantic poems i wrote. thoughtful gifts. endless affectionate comments. tenderness. i gave them so much #and they were distant and blamed it on autism. holy shit #i have so many trust issues now #thank god i have a counsellor to talk to now lolz

[littlealeta]

I swear many of the Catherine players seem to have some serious misandry problems. Even if they don't outright hate men, they are seriously giving those vibes from the way they constantly complain about how misogynistic the game is and treat Erica and Katherine like they're saints yet the main male character gets treated like he's the devil and gets 100% of the blame put on him despite the fact that he is getting repeatedly assaulted, abused, tortured, and threatened throughout the game. Even by his friends and girlfriends, he is constantly pressured to make life decisions even when he's clearly in an unhappy relationship, gets his problems brushed off by everyone in his posse, and also gets repeatedly demonized despite the trauma he's going through.

I mean, why else do people complain about the treatment of women in the game and give a pass to the bullshit they pull yet the main male character who gets the worst treatment out of everyone gets treated like he committed a murder and blamed for everything that goes on around him because the words "cheating" were said? Erica and Katherine both manipulated their partners just like Vincent did, yet hardly anyone complains. I mean, I get these characters aren't easy to like but holy shit, this is hypocritical and makes no sense. Especially when Vincent is capable of owning up to his cheating, many cheaters don't even do that and only get upset when their partner leaves them. Vincent deserves credit for turning a new leaf and owning up to his flaws instead of holding a grudge against things he's done in the past, especially in a fictional character-driven story where characters are supposed to have conflict? The other characters get no character development or have any self-awareness for their actions. Orlando gets a bit of development in the Katherine True Ending but it has nothing to do with his treatment of Vincent throughout the game.

People saying, "Katherine deserves better, she's too good for him" What do you mean? Just because she's more put together than Vincent doesn't mean she's a better person. She is just as flawed as him, just different. She's repeatedly beating over Vincent's head to make life decisions about marriage and family yet makes no effort to fix their relationship and doesn't even care about the fact that Vincent is not emotionally ready for those things. And then you wonder why Vincent was emotionally distant toward her? They BOTH were in the wrong. You seem to understand why Katherine seems unimpressed by Vincent, so why make no effort in understanding Vincent's side of the story? He can't control his indecisive and socially awkward nature, especially around someone who is kind of toxic to him. Those are stupid and petty reasons to hate and talk bad about someone, fictional or not. Also, Vincent clearly has traits of autism, so it makes it harder for him to socialize well and it has nothing to do with him not being capable of good relationships or not wanting to be nice to others.

One person I talked to even called the game misogynistic, yet when I talked to them about how misandristic the game is and why, they just said "Well, it's a video game, and a man made it and it doesn't matter how badly the men get treated because it's not real." You see how contradictory that is? You're acting like women didn't get treated badly in that same video game, so why are you calling it misogynistic then?

#catherine full body #catherine game #vincent brooks #tw misandry #tw cheating #tw r word #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw trauma #tw sex abuse

[detransraichu]

another breakup vent lolz

my ex told me "yeah i was experimenting all along dating you for years and turns out i was just too shy to breakup and i felt too bad about you being disabled. we still had sex sometimes despite clearly not wanting a woman bc i wanted to please you BUT it wasn't me using you for sexual gratification and i mostly didn't let you touch me, so that's not as bad!!" and sure i wasn't (always) used as a sex toy by a hetero at least but like..... it still feels bad!!!! it was still a bad thing to do!!!

turns out i was getting naked and letting myself be touched by someone who was daydreaming abt some dude with a big dick. turns out all my insecurities and anxiety during sex bc they seemed stilted, but always reassured me, turns out those were true. i guess i sorta relate to how het ppl feel when their partner comes out as gay, it all makes sense now but it fucking hurts and feels violating to have shown ur most intimate side to someone who was just indulging you and was never into you. except i'm a dyke and my partner was hetero all along. complimenting my tits and jumping me when i teased they said was just them recreating pornos. i lived a lie for years. the romantic shit we did, they blamed their lack of romance on their autism, but it was bc i wasn't male and now they're all loveydovey crushing on some dudes. my constant insecurities and anxieties WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!! like holy fuck. a bicurious person fucked around w me and felt too meek to say no when i asked if they wanted to date that makes me feel like a fucking predatory lesbian stereotype. WE ALMOST GOT MARRIED!!! i talked abt bearing their children!!!! i stuck around even once they transitioned and we passed as straight (til now, they're off hrt and lowkey detrans, tho they had top surgery cuz they hated how their breasts looked). i stuck around bc i was (on-and-off) in love. but it was always unrequited AND I KNEW IT!!!! i was in love w a hetero. i gave myself 100%. but they were always distant. stiff. i always asked and they told me it was all in my head. they apparently had been thinking of breaking up w me for years but they were worried i wouldn't survive without them cuz i'm broke on disability aid. like FUCK OFF!!!! my disabled dyke ass woulda figured it out, much better than living a life of lies, i always gave them a way out and they never took it, under the guise of protect me.... so infantilizing.... and now i just gotta live with that. with 5 years of lies in my past. how do i even process this y'all.... like damn 😭😭 i have mega trust issues now jfc. they're very kind and have been very generous to me over the years but this betrayal almost broke me

#lay text #another dating life vent lmaoooo #i'm still bitter #i fell out of love finally but it still hurts #i'm glad we're still best friends but the feeling of betrayal is hard to get over