#and theyve been worse recently and i havent been having a lot of fun!!

[westywallowing]

mental health rants below ☆☆☆

#okay so #for a couple months now ive been thinking about maybe getting an emotional support animal #i have struggled with an anxiety disorder for majority of my life #and for the past maybe six or so years i have specifically had intrusive thoughts #ive ranted about those on here a few times before #theyre really bad for me and have been an ongoing problem #the only thing is that they basically go from 5% of a problem during the day to like 90% of a problem at night #nighttime is a big trigger for them specifically when im going to sleep #and theyve been worse recently and i havent been having a lot of fun!! #i entertained the idea of getting an emotional support animal (specifically a cat) because the comfort of animals generally does help me #whenever i would have bad nights at home i would bring my small dog up with me and he would help tones #i guess i just keep having this battle in my head of like. what if im not 'mentally ill' enough to need one #WHICH IS SO FUCKED UP RIGHT #if i think it would help me i should try especially since this is something ive actively struggled with since i was 12 #is it weird to have imposter syndrome type feelings about ur own mental health issues???? #i genuinly love cats so much and they make me so happy #and hnnnnnnnnn #westy's shit #tw intrusive thoughts #mental health

[cervelli]

hey moose here are some things that’ve happened in my life recently/things ive been thinking about that i thought u needed to know:

- i think that anybody who enjoys the taste of cucumbers after eating chicken is a psychopath because genuinely there is nothing that tastes worse like separately i love cucumbers and i love chicken very very much but i cant ever combine them bc when i do it tastes like stinky socks 0/10 do not recommend

- i started watching breaking bad with my brother we’re having a lot of fun with it we’re almost done the first season and idt ive given any of these episodes less than 5 stars so far it is Hitting

- ive read 10 books in january! which idk if thats a lot for others but it’s big for me bc ive been in a foul reading mood for like the last three years and i fr only read like 30 books!! but im back babyy anyways of those ten eight have unfortunately been my porn books as sabs likes to call them but im having tons of fun so who caaaares

- starting second sem of senior year 😱 i fr died first sem like i think that was one of the lowest points of my life if not mentally then definitely academically i just could not bring myself to care!!!! which means theres even more pressure this sem esp cause i have six diplomas to write and thats scarrrrrrrryyyyyyy

- i started reading more philosophy? specifically ive been reading pluto’s works theyve basically given me headaches (but good headaches?)

- i really wanna own more like dresses but idk where i shld get them and also i dont really know what type i wanna get? like ik im gonna need fancy dresses for grad banquet (which is basically? prom? in canada? at least i think) but i want more casual dresses???

- i was talking to one of my best friends today and have decided i have a spending problem so now im on a spending hiatus until next tuesday but this is unfortunate timing bc im supposed to get a locker for me sabs ria tmrw 💀

- its super late and i shld be asleep but its finally clicked that a new semester is starting i have a headache im abt to get my period and i got woken up by my led strips fricking peeling off my wall so thats something i have to deal with

- also i moved?? like in november but i gen dk if i told u cause we havent really talked in a while do u want a room tourrrrr my visions hasnt been finished yet but im getting there!!!

- theres more but im gonna sleep 😴 ttyl ✌️

i read this months ago but i appreciate the update i hope things are going well!!!!

chicken and cucumbers is vile

hows breaking bad

#ask #ask: exy101 #oscilla tag

[anonydiary]

12/12/2021

Dear reader,

Hello. I am sorry for not writing for a few days. It is 9:26 pm, and as I write this i am in tears. I have nowhere else to go on the subject matter.

My life has not been grand lately. Everything feels as if its getting worse and worse. One of my partners seems to be having a romantic attraction crisis and doesnt know if he loves me romantically or not, and it hurts. I love him desperately. Lets call him Teddy.

As for some of my other partners, multiple alters in a system, they havent treated me the best recently. It.. hurts. They said something hurtful this morning, and just now they shut me down as I was excited about my future with them. Do they even love me? Theyve made it so obvious they do not trust me, and often it seems they dont even want to be around me or talk to me. I am in so much emotional pain.

I havent had a good day this entire month. Is this some sort of karma? I deserve it. I deserve the pain. I am mot good enough. Bleh. Sorry reader. This is so depressing. Are you doing alright? I hope you are, whoever you might be.

You know, Christmas is coming up. I’m not exactly too excited, but it could be fun yes? At least Ill be visiting my real family, my sweet step brother and half brother. I miss them a lot. I also am excited to see my nana, or grandma. my great grandma as well. I might even dye my hair pink! Isnt that fun?

well. Im only dying it pink to try and feel something good, like maybe Ill finally find myself, or like what I see in the mirror? Pink is my favorite color, isnt it worth a try?

You must think Im insane, reader. I apologize.

goodnight,

sincerely whoever I am (sincerely me the song is playing in my head… oh dear)