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hannah-deserved-better · 4 years

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Secret Liasons

Secret Liaisons

Title:‌ ‌‌Secret Liaisons ‌

Link‌:‌ ‌https://archiveofourown.org/works/23464051

Square‌ ‌Filled:‌ ‌‌Missing Scene

Ship:‌ ‌‌Hanstiel (jimmy Novak vessel and Caroline Johnson vessel)

Rating:‌ ‌‌M

Tags:‌ Sexuality

Summary‌:‌ ‌‌The reason why Castiel and Hannah were both smiling as they walked up to the motel check up desk in “Girls, girls, girls” Episode 10/7.

Word‌ ‌Count‌ ‌‌ ‌1797

Created‌ ‌for‌ ‌‌@spnrareshipbingo‌

Castiel glanced at the bulletin board, trying to decide their next move. He needed the distraction. He knew he needed to focus on their task at hand. He and Hannah had to round up the last of the rogue angels and return them to heaven. They’d gotten close over the days they had spent working together. Hannah had devoted herself to finding the rogues. Castiel was impressed at how focused she became once he was no longer the focus of her thoughts.

There was a guilty feeling that had settled into Castiel’s thoughts. A sense of regret. And the longer they spent time together, the harder it was to ignore those emotions. The gnawing feeling in the back of his mind that told him that he was pushing something away. Something he wanted, something that she wanted, but that he insisted that neither of them could ever have.

Because they were both soldiers, they had a mission, and that mission had to come first. Before anything. And especially before that. Because Castiel couldn’t allow himself to desire that, he wasn’t worthy of it. He clung to that notion. Even when she was there before him begging him to take care of himself, he couldn’t bring himself to allow that. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve her unwavering focus on his needs.

Castiel had lived with guilt for so long that it was second nature to him. He didn’t remember a time when guilt wasn’t his constant companion. It wasn’t easy for an angel to feel emotions, and it was even harder for an angel to really understand emotions. But when Castiel did begin to embrace these feelings that started to seep into his psyche from the moment he met the Winchesters, guilt was the one emotion that had settled in from the very beginning.

After all, he had a lot to be guilty for. His past was wrought with mistakes, failed attempts to do what he thought was right. He’d hurt people- many of his own kind. He could never truly repent for the things he’d done.

Maybe that was why Hannah’s persistent pleas that he address his depleting grace had upset him so much. Why should she care so much that he lived? Every moment she had, Hannah had brought up his condition. After all, it was hard for him to hide from her how sick he was. And he tried. He tried his best to hide it from her, so she didn’t see. So she didn’t worry. But she saw it anyway.

Maybe Castiel wanted to die. Perhaps that’s why he shot down her every attempt to solve the situation. After all, didn’t he deserve to die for all he had done? He didn’t value his own life, and it had been a very long time since he had. This depleting grace that was going to kill him… it was justice. So why did Hannah care so much? Didn’t she know how hated he was in heaven? Why didn’t she hate him too?

And then there was the one thing Castiel couldn’t get passed. That Hannah was willing to make a deal with Metatron just for his sake. It was the one thing he never thought she’d do, or even contemplate. After all, she was disgusted with his actions when she learned about his stolen grace- and she should have been. What he had done was abhorrent. Yet, here she was willing to throw away everything she believed as an angel, her strict unwavering duty-bound belief in angelic law, for him?

That warm feeling began in the pit of his stomach as he thought about Hannah. And that was when he happened to glance over and see her- peeling off the last of her clothes right there in front of him.

Castiel was sure he was redder than a tomato as she stood there- naked- in front of him. “Hannah,” he stammered, trying to glance at the wall behind her, trying to look at anything else but her. “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking a shower,” she replied simply. Then, glancing at his expression as he forced himself to make eye contact with her, she glanced down at her own body, raising a brow in confusion. “Does this bother you?”

“N-n… I’m not…” was all he could make out, shaking his head. Alarms were screaming in his mind. And as she turned towards the hallway with a “good,” his eyes followed her as she disappeared into the bathroom.

There was a lump in Castiel’s throat so big he could hardly breathe as he found himself staring at the closed bathroom door. That gnawing feeling that he was missing a fantastic opportunity. A chance at something he never knew he needed. Something he kept telling himself just wasn’t for him.

But, something propelled him. Slowly, he put down his laptop and walked, step by step, to the door. He stood in front of it, the minutes ticking by as he just stared at the wood, listening to the sound of the shower. This one slab of wood separated him from her, and he was uncertain how to get past it.

He wanted to get through it. He needed to, but he just couldn’t bring himself to. This wasn’t for him; he didn’t deserve it; he didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve these feelings. So why wouldn’t they just go away?

As he stood there, trying to force himself to do something, the door creaked open, and there she was peering at her through the crack. Steam from the shower blasted into his face as she gazed up at him, cocking her head to the side in puzzlement.

“Castiel?” she questioned. “Are you well?” He just stared at her for a moment before mumbling.

“I… I think I’d like a shower too,” he explained, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of the shower. She regarded him for a moment before realization dawned on her face, and she opened the door more, beckoning him to come inside.

As soon as he stepped through the door and closed it behind him and he was engulfed in the steamy heat of the shower, it was as if all reason left him. “I…” he began, gazing into her eyes- really looking into her eyes. Those deep cerulean eyes were mesmerizing, especially when they saw only him.

They both stood there, frozen. Unsure. But when she moved forward, leaning in to press her lips to his gently, sparks erupted in his mind. He felt as if his entire body melted into a puddle before her. He returned the kiss, pulling her body against his, his hands pressing into the soft skin of her back.

Her skin… it felt amazing. As he probed her back with his fingers, the soft feeling of flesh beneath them was electric. As he touched and kissed, she made quick work of his clothes, gently peeling off his trench coat, his blazer, layer by layer each article of clothing fell in a heap at his feet until there was nothing.

He stood there, exposed as she was to him. Glancing down at himself, then at her, he swallowed. Was he really ready for this? Was she? “Hannah,” he sensed her slight hesitation and moved to brush a strand of hair from her face, cupping her cheek. “We don’t have to…”

“Yes, we do,” she insisted as she moved closer, pressing her body against his and reaching up to brush a finger to his temple. Her gentle, comforting touch, he closed his eyes for a moment, savoring it. There was something in that touch that was more than just a desire for a physical connection. There was emotion there—sweet, unbridled emotion.

Castiel couldn’t hold back now. This emotion was something he never knew he needed. A connection to another being. Another angel. He leaned in and kissed her with abandon. He gave every emotion into that kiss, letting her feel his vulnerability, his fears, and his need.

When he broke the kiss, he only looked at her in the eyes. “I… I don’t deserve…” he was cut off when she pressed a finger to his mouth, shaking her head.

“I know…” she informed him. “Just… trust in me, Castiel.” This level of acceptance of trust she had in him was something he longed for. Someone who trusted in him, who was devoted despite everything he’d done. Someone who wanted him.

And with that, he gave in. He pulled her in, kissing and caressing, touching every inch of her skin, pressing his lips to her flesh, hoisting her into his arms and carrying her into the shower. The heated water was falling on their bodies as the two entwined, each exploring the other, each new sensation taken in bit by bit, amplified everything.

Castiel wasn’t even sure how long they were there, under the rain of water, pressing their bodies into one another, but eventually, they were in bed, deep under the covers, molding into one another.

As Castiel maneuvered himself onto Hannah, gazing down at her, she met his eyes again, her own eyes wide with desire. He leaned in and kissed her and gave in to the passion he felt for her. He felt as though the rest of the world had faded away as if they were the only two beings left in the universe. Nothing else mattered right now. Not the rogue angels, not heaven, not even the Winchesters. All that mattered right now was the passionate heat between them, the soft moans of sensation, the writhing of their bodies.

Much later, Castiel lay in bed with Hannah in his arms. Hours of silence passed between them before he dared to glance at her to see any hint of regret at what they had done. To his surprise, he found none in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured anyway. He was sorry for a lot of things. For pushing her away, for shooting down her every attempt to care for him. He was sorry for everything that happened between them, for everything he did in heaven, for all his faults. For everything.

“I’m not,” she murmured, laying her head on his shoulders. “I’m not sorry. For this… I know, Castiel… I know. What you’ve done… your regrets. I felt it all…”

Castiel felt as though his heart melted. He had needed to hear that for so long. He’d shown her his vulnerabilities, his weaknesses, and she was still here. Probably even against her own best reasoning, she was here. Every aspect of her logical reasoning should have told her to hate him the way every other angel hated him. But she didn’t hate him. And that meant everything to him.

#spnrareshipbingo #Missing scene square #Castiel/Hannah #Season 10 episode 7

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