No Escape From Reality.
An Alan Wake 2 oneshot. Spoilers for The Final Draft!
Summary: Despite both Alan and Saga's reassurances, Casey can't stop questioning his existence and struggles to draw the line between his own life and the books.
Words: 2,521
AO3 link: [Here!]
No Escape From Reality
He was out of the spiral.
Despite sitting relatively comfortably in the back of a van owned by the FBC, Alan felt exhausted. But he would take the deep-rooted fatigue in his body over The Dark Presence any day. Besides, he wasn't alone.
Albeit for a much shorter time, The Dark Presence had possessed Agent Casey and Scratch had used him as a vessel just as he had with Alan himself, so the FBC wanted to bring back the both of them. And while his gut told him that he would be with the FBC for a considerable amount of time, he was less certain what they had planned for Casey. Did they just want to examine him? Question him? Or did they want to run tests on him?
Even though he was fully expecting that for himself, Alan felt a sudden flash of anger at the thought. He felt strangely protective of Casey, despite only officially meeting the man so recently. He wasn't sure why.
He looked over at the man in question.
Casey sat opposite him, his head tilted back to lean against the side of the van and his hands gripping the seat, but otherwise unmoving. Alan absentmindedly wondered if he was experiencing the same exhaustion as he was.
Casey hadn't uttered a word for the entire journey. The last time he'd spoken was when he was parting with Saga, insisting that he was fine and to greet her daughter on his behalf. Though the FBC had questions for Saga too, it wasn’t as urgent and they allowed her to go home to her family first. Alan had the feeling that she would have gone even without permission.
As soon as she'd left his sight, Casey's small, reassuring smile had dropped. Alan had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts at the time and thought nothing of it. But now, with a long journey ahead of him and a familiar stranger in front of him, he started to itch for a conversation. Not to end the awkward silence between them, although it was very awkward, but instead because the two of them being alone together was beginning to remind him a little too much of The Dark Place.
Wanting to end the silence was one thing. Figuring out how to start a conversation with the stoic man after everything that had just happened was another.
Time had no meaning in The Dark Place and Alan was accustomed to being there, so he was unable to determine just how long he spent trying to think of how to initiate a conversation. Being a writer, words usually came so easily to him, and yet all of a sudden he couldn't find the right ones. Maybe it was a side-effect of exiting the loop. Or maybe it was plainly the exhaustion consuming him.
Whatever it was, it didn't matter, because Alan felt a sudden tickle in his nose and broke the silence with a loud sneeze.
"Gesundheit." Casey said, without looking at him.
"Thanks." Alan responded, slightly embarrassed.
Of course, he thought, with a hint of chagrin. His actions were no longer being determined by pre-written pages. You'd never see the hero of the story cough, sneeze, or need to use the bathroom.
At least the ice between them had been chipped at.
Alan readjusted his sitting position, purposefully making enough noise when shuffling around to catch Agent Casey's attention.
Judging by the shuffling across from him, his plan was successful.
Not wasting the opportunity, Alan spoke up.
"Are you okay?"
"Just peachy." Casey replied, his voice gruff and his words thick with disdain and sarcasm.
After a long pause, he sat forward and finally looked at Alan. His hardened features melted into a weary frown.
"Honestly, I'm just tired." He said with an air of defeat. "With that thing, that- that presence inside me… god, it felt so awful, so…"
His voice trailed off as he also seemed to struggle to find the words.
"Dark?" Alan prompted.
Casey barked out a small, humorless sound that wasn't quite a laugh.
"Yeah." He affirmed. "Don't know how you managed it."
"I'm just used to it."
They fell into a more comfortable silence then. The ice felt like it had finally broken, which Alan was grateful for. He needed allies if he was going to help Alice, and Casey seemed like a great contender.
Again, he had no idea how much time he spent listening to the gentle hum of the vehicle before Casey was the one to speak up.
"I should've asked, are you okay?"
"I've been worse." Alan answered honestly.
Casey gave a tiny nod. "Good."
His gaze lingered on him for a few more moments, before stiffly turning away. Alan got the feeling he wasn't really satisfied with the answer.
"Agent Casey?" He tried.
Casey turned back toward him, face suddenly hardened again, and his eyes locked onto Alan’s, almost like he was searching or scanning for something within them. Alan had to fight himself to not blink too much or look away. The more questions he saw in the man’s eyes, the more they started to feel like his own.
Eventually, Casey said: "Wake, I'm real."
It was a statement with no room for argument, but Alan heard the implied question underneath.
That’s when it dawned on Alan exactly what was gnawing at Casey. He must still be fighting with the concept of being a fictional character.
Alan could relate, to some degree.
“Yeah.” He replied simply.
“And your books,” Casey continued, unable to hide his distaste, “based on me, not the other way around.”
“That’s right,” Alan affirmed again, “you can’t create something out of nothing.”
Casey nodded, seemingly pleased with that answer. But he wasn’t done.
“And I’m in control of my life. Your goddamn writing didn’t start twisting it until after we got to Bright Falls. I’m my own person.”
Alan paused at that. As much as he wanted to be reassuring, the affirmation didn’t come to him as quickly.
The truth was that he had no idea. He’d only just discovered Alex Casey was a real person and not just a figment of his imagination. His books had all been unknowingly based on a real, living man. Alan tried not to dwell on that fact too much, otherwise he’d start doubting his own abilities as an author and creative.
If the real Alex Casey was a Private Investigator, then maybe the question of which came first would be easier to answer. But he wasn’t. He was an FBI agent, one whose partner possessed the necessary abilities to break Alan out of The Dark Place and one who had previously investigated Bright Falls and murder cults. That’s exactly what Alan had needed, and what he’d written about. It would be a stretch to call that a coincidence.
As for being his own person…
Alan didn’t know how many times he’d killed the Casey (that looked and sounded identical to this one) in The Dark Place. It didn’t appear to have impacted the real one, but he couldn’t be sure.
He’d come to consider the echoes of Alex Casey in The Dark Place as comforting. A friend guiding him through the endless night, written into the story to save him. His character of so many years- or so he’d thought.
They say that every character contains a piece of their creator. Heroes and protagonists are especially more likely to just be a mask of the author.
Alan tried not to think about Thomas Zane and his familiar face. Nor did he wish to dissect Zane’s film, Nightless Night, or how “Thomas Seine” playing the role of him swapped places in The Writer's Room with the man who looked like Casey playing The Detective, a role which Alan himself assumed in The Dark Place. It was unnerving to think about and Alan was afraid he would come to a revelation neither of them would like.
However, his mind did wander briefly to the actor he’d met whose name escaped him. He’d seen him before The Dark Place, he was sure of it, and he recalled that he looked so uncannily similar to Casey. His voice was nigh-identical in the movie clip as well.
And then the actor, bound to a chair by the reel of Zane’s films, desperately fighting against Alan’s pre-written narrative and begging for his life.
Wearing a mask.
Alan pulled himself out of his quickly spiraling thoughts and back into reality, realizing he had been taking a long time to respond.
Casey was still looking at him expectantly, though the silence seemed to be an answer in itself. His hard mask had cracked slightly; his eyebrows furrowed and his lips slightly parted as he waited with baited breath. Alan saw a glimpse of a deeply-rooted fear, one that maybe even predated the events at Bright Falls, and an uncharacteristic sliver of anxiety.
No, Alan caught himself. He couldn’t decide that it was uncharacteristic. It might have been for his Alex Casey, but who was he to know the emotions and personality of the real one?
“Yeah.” Alan answered finally, brushing aside the reflections in his mind of the actor, the echoes, and Nightless Night. “You’re your own person.”
~-.-~
Looking out over the damned lake that started all of this, Casey sighed and took a big sip of coffee. Next to him, he noticed Saga doing the same.
The two of them had traveled back to Bright Falls to tie up some loose ends of their investigation, despite the case technically being transferred to the FBC. Both partners were thorough in their work and liked to see cases to completion if they could.
The real reason they’d come back was that Saga was concerned about the locals and wanted to talk to them. People like Rose and Ilmo had been through a lot and were kept more out of the loop of what was happening, and Saga wanted to see how they were doing and ensure that Wake’s story hadn’t permanently corrupted them in some way.
Casey himself, finally free from all the FBC’s prodding and poking, had no intention of letting her go by herself.
So there they were. Casey and Anderson sitting on a bench in Bright Falls overlooking Cauldron Lake with cups of Oh Deer Diner coffee in their hands, thankfully with the sun shining overhead.
It should have been peaceful. And yet any proximity to that cursed town brought back a lot of unwanted thoughts and fears in Casey. Particularly the memory of when Saga had told him that something he knew and remembered as fact at the time (Logan’s death) was untrue. Since he fully trusted Saga, he found that he couldn’t trust himself.
After spending many years contemplating the scary amount of coincidences and parallels with the fictional Alex Casey in Wake’s books, that feeling wasn’t exactly new to him. Didn’t mean it was any less unpleasant.
“What’s on your mind?” asked Saga, breaking him out of his thoughts.
Casey let out a small huff of amusement. He knew very well that she’d probably already deduced exactly what was troubling him and was only asking to be polite. He decided to humor her.
“I spoke to Wake the other day.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” Was all he could say. He wasn’t sure why it was so difficult to explain what he was feeling. It was easier to think about it privately than to outwardly say: ‘Hey Anderson I think I’ve been twisted into a fictional character without realizing it’.
“Hey, Anderson?”
Saga gave him a patient smile. “What’s up?”
“I…”
I don’t know if I can trust any of my memories. I don’t know if my personality was mine to begin with. I can’t rid myself of the feeling of the dark shadow writhing around inside me. I think I might end up dying in an alleyway like in Wake’s book.
His hands began to shake, causing him to lose grip on his coffee cup which fell to the ground, leaving an ugly splatter on the floor. Casey held back a sob but couldn’t stop his voice from breaking.
“...I don’t know who I am anymore.”
The sight of the lake in front of him started to burn his eyes, so he tightly closed them. A few seconds later he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder.
“Look at me, Casey.”
Casey inhaled deeply and slowly opened his eyes. Saga had moved so that she was crouched in front of him, taking up most of his vision. Her face blocked his view of the sun, causing sunlight to outline her silhouette and give her an almost angelic look.
“You’re my partner, and you are real.”
He met her gaze and a stray tear found its way down his cheek.
“The changes don’t affect me, remember?” Saga continued. “I’ve known you for years, and you’ve always been the same person I know and care about. A really great FBI agent, not some gritty PI.”
She had a point, there. She was the one who could tell when Wake’s story was changing reality, and if Wake really was the source of his life being altered, then Saga would know. And if she really did have some strange mind powers, then she would know that it wasn’t normal and he trusted her to tell him if that was the case.
“You’re right, Anderson,” he said with a small smile, “as per usual.”
She smiled at that. He knew that she liked to abuse her privileges of being one of the only people he actually listened to.
“See?” Said Saga. “Now, repeat after me: My name is Alex Casey, and I’m an FBI agent.”
Casey grimaced. “Do I have to?”
“Yes!” Exclaimed Saga, using the same patronizing tone of voice she’d use to get Logan to eat something she knew she wouldn’t like.
With a frown, Casey relented. “My name is Alex Casey and I’m an FBI agent.”
“And again.”
He groaned. It was all more than a little patronizing, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t help ground him and make him feel slightly better. He repeated the phrase again.
Saga was tenacious and wouldn’t let it go. “One more time?”
“My name is Alex Casey, and I’m an FBI agent.”
“Good.” Saga smiled, standing up. “I’ll go get you another coffee.”
She began to walk back toward the diner, but he cleared his throat before she could get too far. She paused and looked back.
“Thanks, Anderson.” He said, and while his voice might not betray it, he could tell that she understood that he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
She nodded knowingly before heading inside.
Casey cast his gaze back to Cauldron Lake. The water looked innocent enough from an outside perspective- even beautiful on a day like this one. It chilled him to his core to think about all that had transpired because of it and what sinister secrets lay below the surface.
He closed his eyes.
“My name is Alex Casey. I’m an FBI agent.”
Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated :)
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you can’t change what’s already been set in stone.
you feel the bullet before you hear it. poor soul, entangled in affairs that had nothing to do with him. your body lays before you, and yet you stare down at yourself in the angle of a stranger. you’ve passed on, but not quite. see, you’re tethered to this place, bound to play a cruel game with this house of horrors being your ball and chain. you could’ve done something to save yourself, and yet you didn’t, couldn’t. it’s all part of the plan.
is it not? indulge me then. how many hours have gone by? how many people have noticed you when they walk into the room to investigate your corpse? it’s sad, no effort was put into killing you. two bullets, and that’s that. i do wonder, however, if you could’ve been saved somehow. maybe if someone had appeared sooner.
and leaving a child behind with an unloving family? let us hope your wife-slash-friend-slash-pitier doesn’t join any of the ahlborn’s anytime soon. that would be heartbreaking.
alright, alright. i’ll have mercy on your soul, considering it’s the only part of you left.
…
aw, poor thing. is this not what you wanted? there’s no need for tears now. what’s the use? who will you shed them for? who will come to your aid? all this time, you’ve been trying to run away from me, not knowing that i’ve been running with you since the day you were born. from the time you fell high from the tree in your garden, to the bullet that you caught in the middle of battle, i’ve stood beside you for everything.
come to think of it, i don’t believe it is me you fear, is it? you fear the reality of losing everything you’ve acquired over the years. if you were simply an empty shell of a human who had made no connections, no life accomplishments, then perhaps you wouldn’t be weeping like you are now. you’d have nothing to cry for, after all.
don’t make this difficult. i have your consent, do you not remember? back when you used to hold me so dear.
once you’ve come, it’ll all be over. there’s nothing after this, just pitch black nothing. you’ll never have existed.
don’t let others mourn you, don’t put them through pain, even in death.
…
alright then. i’ll wait.
i always will.
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