#and we were supposed to hang out sunday but he texted me at 4am the day of to cancel

[ladiablesse]

shsjsjskdk i’m so confusedddd

#so ive been hanging w this dude n we like hung out as friends at first but we hooked up like twice at his place #n then he got all distant n i asked him abt it n he said hed been off his zoloft n it was hard for hin to wanna communicate #but its been like 3 weeks since then n its like we still dont talk like we used to like the last good convo we had was us saying #that we dont want a relationship but were still ok w hooking up w each other #and he apologized for being shitty at communicating and he said he was doing fine #which was like a week ago?? #and hes still kinda bad #at communicating #and we were supposed to hang out sunday but he texted me at 4am the day of to cancel #i feel like he just doesnt fuck w me anymore n its just like??

[etherealreveri]

➶ MRS. KIM ➶ CH 8

⦁ ⦁ ⦁ MRS. KIM MASTERLIST  ⦁ ⦁ ⦁

“I wish you were here instead of Paris, if you were you could have saved me from the date set up last night.”

“I know, I wish I was there. I would have totally made up a girl emergency to save you from it, who is this guy again?”

“Jason, he owns a foundation to help raise money for children or something.”

“Oh right, him! I met him at the thing your parents had at your hotel, he seems like a great catch though. He’s got the looks, the education, the money, and the personality.”

“I know but I’m not attracted to him, he seems like a great guy but I can’t see myself with someone like him. I also don’t know where Junmyeon and I stand or what we are,” you lock the door to your suite and stick the keys in your pocket. “I think we’re just playing safe right now … you know, I’m slowly getting out of the phase where I wanted to end him for doing what he did.”

“I wouldn’t blame you, but what are you doing now?”

“I’m getting a late lunch, I’ve been working on paperwork in my room all morning and I’m feeling kind of pudgy so I’m going to get a quick workout in and shower … then, I have a meeting this afternoon with the staff.”

“Boo, well … less than a week before I am back and then we have our little photoshoot!!!! I’m so excited, I’ve booked the best photographer!”

—-

After putting on your pajamas, you close your closet and head towards your bed. You pop open your laptop and check emails that you missed during the meeting earlier, it seemed as if Junmyeon was still renovating things here and there, they were all minor things but minor things could lead to bigger changes that you weren’t comfortable with. Junmyeon agreed to not do anything major but then again he has been busy that it might slip is mind. You wanted to put an end to all the changes but you don’t own the hotel, you just run it now. Shaking it off you finish answering a few emails and sorting through some documents. You glance at the time on your laptop and yawn, rubbing your eyes you set the documents on your nightstand and turned around to a video chat request from Junmyeon. You accept the request and the screen popped up with Junmyeon sitting at a desk.

“Hey beautiful,” he smiled.

“Hey,” you yawn again and lay your side on your bed. “Jongin told me you were out of the country.”

“Ah,” he smiled. “Sorry, this trip came suddenly that I didn’t even have time to pack much.”

“Don’t you know how to ever rest?” you laughed.

“I’m a hustler,” Junmyeon turns on the lamp next to him and rest his arms on the desk. “Looks like you’ve had a long night, and you’ve brought your paperwork with you?”

“How did you-” he points to the papers behind you. “Well, looks like you’re working hard too.”

“Trying not too,” you snicker at him and pull the comforter up. Yawning once again you began muttering, “Where are you at?”

“England. We had an important meeting with investors here,” you nod and look at the window behind him. “Is it night time there?” Junmyeon checks his phone, “It’s about 4am here.” You slightly hold yourself up, “Junmyeon! Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“I can’t, miss you too much so I couldn’t sleep.”

“Tch, that’s so cliche.”

“Still, you promised you would sleep more.”

“I know, I know. How is that Jason guy?”

“How did you-It was Jongin wasn’t it?”

“Bingo!”

“What did he tell you?”

“That you look like you wanted to cry because you didn’t know Jason was there with your parents. Right?” you smile and your hand is brought up to your face.

“Junmyeon, it was so awkward. He seems like a sweet guy and I think my parents are trying to set him up with me but it’s obvious that they’re trying to push me to like him when he is just like an older brother to me … I barely know the guy.”

“Good, because you’re my girl.”

“Oh? Am I?” you raise a brow. “I didn’t know I was your girl,” you laugh. The rest of the night you and Junmyeon just talked about random things here and there. You learned that he has come to hate cucumbers now, how he has been sleeping better because of you but you were sure that he was just trying to butter you up, and just about his days at work. It was nice hearing Junmyeon be able to just talk, it was heartwarming, you could listen to him talk all day. You talked late into the night until you both fell asleep.

—–

“One large Americano with two pumps of espresso please.”

“Seems like someone is really tired,” you turn around to see Jason walking up to you. You turn around and bow. “I was just up late last night doing work and things.”

“Don’t work too hard now.”

“Have you been well?”

“Coping,” he laughed. “Its been a bit busy the past few days. So, what are you doing around here?”

“Nothing much at the moment, I’m just going to walk around and window shop until it’s time to meet my friends. We were supposed to get lunch but all three of us had a late morning so we’re just meeting up to hang out around later on.”

“Then, there is an art exhibit that my friend just opened up around the corner. My sister was supposed to attend with me but her daughter is sick and couldn’t make it, I’d love to have you come along if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t see why not,” you shrug “I won’t be going back to the hotel so might as well make use of my time.” When Jason’s coffee was finished you both head out of the shop and walk towards the art exhibit to a crowd of people in line.

“It seems like your friend is really famous?”

“I guess you can say that she has a great way of expressing emotions into art and a lot of people seem to be able to relate to that,” he walks you past the crowded line and through the glass doors towards woman wearing a white jumpsuit, she seemed to be talking with a bunch of foreigners.

“Excuse me, I’ll have to excuse myself but you all go ahead and feel free to look around,” she comes towards you both and hugs Jason.

“Jason, it’s been a hot second since I’ve seen you. I’m glad you could make it out today. How are you and your parents doing?”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world, and we’re doing as great as always, just been busy here and there. Congrats on your exhibit, it seems like you’ve garnered a lot of attention.”

“Please, this isn’t anything much,” she diverts her attention to you. “Jason, you didn’t tell me you were dating now and where are my manners? Jung Yiseul,” she bows.

“We’re not dating,” you wave your hands and laugh. “I’m just an acquaintance of Jasons.”

“That’s a pity, you both would make a great looking couple. I need to greet a few more guests but you both feel free to look around, I’ll catch up with you later Jason,” with this Yiseul leaves you both to roam around. Yiseul seemed to have a distinct pattern to her art, they were sophisticated yet chic at the same time but told a story as well.

“She has a very interesting way of expressing herself in her art, it’s intriguing. Is she an acquaintance of yours?”

“She is, Yiseul’s fiance is a good friend of mine, our families grew up together so she is like a younger sister than I am.”

“I know this is pretty sudden put I’m holding a fundraising event Monday and Thursday and would love it if you came.”

“I won’t be able to come on Monday but I can see if my schedule is free on Thursday.”

“That’s great, I can send you the details on the event next Thursday. It’ll be a pretty chill event, we’re having kpop idols come and perform to help raise money, they’re pretty trendy now and days so we hope this will help raise money. Look,” he turns to face you and you awkwardly make eye contact with him. “ … I would love if you could accompa-” your phone rings and you excuse yourself for a few minutes, turning around slightly.

“Hello?”

“What are you doing? I’m at an art exhibit with a friend of mine and then I’m meeting up with Jongin and Baekhyun later because they’re bored of each other,” Junmyeon chuckles from the other side. “Their girlfriends are busy and away aren’t they?”

“It seems like it, but don’t worry, I’ll be careful and babysit them later. I know how immature they can act sometimes,” you laugh.

“My trip is ending early and my flight arrives Saturday afternoon but I have paperwork to go over then I’m free Sunday afternoon if you’re too.”

“If my nose is itching in the correct direction I think you’re asking for a night together?”

“I think you’re correct,” he laughs. “I have to head to a meeting now but I’ll see you on Sunday?”

“See you Sunday,” you hang up the phone and turn back around to Jason. The rest of the day was pretty chill, you explored the rest of the art exhibit with Jason and ran into Naeun’s boyfriend who was at the exhibit with another woman. You didn’t get to talk to him except to say hello before you had to leave.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“I’m fine Jason, I’ll just take a cab there, it’s not that far anyway. You have a great day,” you said as he opened the door to the cab.

“I’ll see you soon?” he asked.

“Uh, sure,” you close the door and bid goodbye. You turn to the cab driver and told them the address where you needed to be dropped off at. You glance at your phone and receive a text from Jongin letting you know that they just parked. The driver glanced back and made eye contact with you.

“Your boyfriend is handsome,” the lady commented.

“He’s just an acquaintance of mine.”

“Really? That’s a shame, you both look like you would be a lovely couple. You can help yourself to any snacks or drinks in the mini cooler, free of no charge.”

“Thank you.”

“I see you are going to the ropes course they have set up, my son and his girlfriend went earlier today and said it was very enjoyable.”

—–

You walk towards the campground but see that there are a bunch of people waiting in line. You try to text Jongin and Baekhyun but the signal is so bad that you aren’t able to text them. While waiting in line, suddenly you get yanked to the side and sucker punch the person who pulled you. Baekhyun lay on the ground clutching his arm.

“Just leave me be, I’m going to die here,” Jongin grabs Baekhyun and lifts him up.

“Idiot,” he laughed. “You’re so dramatic.”

“You guys about gave me a heart attack,” you held your hand to your chest. Jongin brings his arm up and puts a neon-colored bracelet on your wrist.

“What’s this?” you look at the pink bracelet. “Is this the ticket in?”

“Yep, now,” he comes behind you and Baekhyun and pushes you both pass the others and inside of the gate. “Let’s go, children,” Jongin chimes.

“You know I’m older than you right?”

“I know,” he laughed. Walking towards the welcome desk, you receive a hat, harness and a key for the outdoor storage locker to put your things in. You all set your things in the locker, lock it up and put on your equipment.

“… but, why did you both take me to a ropes course, seems a little random.”

“Good question,” Baekhyun commented. “Jongin and I are bored without our girls, Naeun and Junmyeon are both out of the country so we thought you would be bored out of your mind just at work so here we are.”

“It’s like you can read my mind,” you sigh. You walk to the first ropes course you see and climb up before the other two, sticking your tongue at them you reach the top. Jongin and Baekhyun soon follow you up and meet you on the other side. You then ran off to the next course with the boys trailing off behind you. When you finished the second one you ran off with them following you to the third one. You were glad they took you out, you needed some fresh air. Climbing the 3rd one, you see the two standing down at the bottom.

“Are you not coming?” you yell down at them.

“Not for this one but you go ahead!” Jongin shouted. You shrugged. “Your loss then! I’ll see you on the other side!” you pointed.

Jongin and Baekhyun put their hands in their pockets and watch you go up, sighing, he crosses his arms and they begin walking, “I don’t know how much I can keep up with this. It’s getting closer and he chose the worst time to coincidentally meet up with her.”

“I want to tell her as well but we can’t, Junmyeon has to do it or it looks like we’re just sabotaging his relationship with her. Look, I don’t like lying to her as much as the next person since you know, knowing their history, but he is a big boy and he should do this himself.”

“I know, but …” Jongin rubs his temples. “She’s going to find out and it’s going to be like their separation all over again but 10x worse and she may never forgive him. Like, he could have told her but he has chosen to keep this a secret for so long.”

“I don’t know man, whatever happens, happens.”

“I thought my brother was a smarter man than this, he is going to get ripped to shreds. This secret is going to tear them apart and ruin so many relationships, she’s going to hate us for this too and may never want to speak with us again.”

“I know... Even then, Junmyeon bought the hotel, so he’ll probably keep renovating until the hotel becomes modern just to get her attention when this all goes down .”

You climb back down the third ropes course and run back to the two who looked like they were in a serious conversation. “Hey!” you scream at them.

“Someone’s a bit too hyper,” Baekhyun laughed. “Having fun?”

“I am, but I’m hungry now,” you rubbed your stomach.

“Of course you are,” Jongin headlocks you between his arm and rubs your head. “What do you want? It’s on me.”

“Is there seafood?”

“I think I saw some seafood pancakes at a stand ov-” before Baekhyun could finish you were off in the direction he pointed too. You really like seafood so of course, you would run to it. The two shook their heads at you and follow you to the stand. Jongin gets you each one and buys you and Baekhyun soju, you offer some to Jongin but he refuses since he has to drive you and Baekhyun back.

“Alright, I offered!”

“What were you two talking about earlier? You both looked angry.”

“Just men things, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Okay, suit yourself!”

After you have finished eating, you walked around a little to cool off because you drank a little more than Baekhyun did and Jongin refused to let you go back up while you were drunk. The two followed you around as you talked to yourself.

“Oh f-” Jongin jumped when you suddenly stopped and pointed at him. “What?”

“I don’t know,” you put your finger down and scratched your head. “I forgot what I was going to say.”

“I think someone needs to go home now.”

“No I don’t, I need to go see Junmyeo-wait he is in England right now … maybe I’ll go meet Naeun too.”

“She is in France right now,” Baekhyun mentioned. “Right,” you sigh and lay down on the ground. “I’m tired.”

Jongin and Baekhyun look at each other and then helped you up from the ground. “I don’t want to walk.”  

“Here,” Jongin throws the keys at Baekhyun and you get on his back.

“Thanks for the ride,” you mumble.

“Your welcome, wouldn’t want you sleeping on the ground would we?”

“I guess you’re right. Do you think Junmyeon loves me?”

“Of course he does, that guy is crazy for you.”

“Then why does he keep renovating my hotel? He knows how much this place means to me but he-” you hiccup, “-h-he keeps trying to change it and I don’t know,” you lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. “Does Junmyeon love me?”

“Of course he does.”

“Then why do I feel like something is going to go wrong?”

Jongin pauses for a quick second and looks over at Baekhyun.

———————————–

[A/N] Sorry for taking such a long time updating the story! Since it took a while to write this chapter I let you all in on a hint to a big secret, things will begin picking up from now on so get excitedddd!!!! I also hope this chapter isn’t as bland as I think it is haha, I hope you enjoyed chapter 8!

#junmyeon #kim junmeyon #junmyeon scenario #junmyeon scenarios #suho #suho scenarios #suho scenario #exo #exo k #exo scenarios #exo scenario #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop scenario #mrs. kim #mrs. kim masterlist #jeonmyeon

[hollowbrainjelly]

Ya know

It just genuinely has me absolutely fucked up that I go through the same cycles of situations OR a wave of people contacting me to reconnect.

I WILL say, I am so fucking thankful that some people have- I have at least been hit up by four different friends that I really fucking missed. I made a plan for Sunday to see one of them. She was so nice- we were voice messaging back and forth for hours. I was literally THINKING about her all day- specifically I was like fucking pacing around my house wondering if I should text her/voice message her and then right as I was about to go to bed she texted me that she missed me.

But it IS weird and I don't understand if this is some life connection puzzle I'm supposed to be figuring out or learning from but this shit happens ALL the time- I am completely alone (mostly my fault) and am barely talking to anyone- and then everyone and their fucking mom calls/texts/reaches out to me.

One of my ex boyfriends (LOL "boyfriend") messaged me saying that he listened to Townes Van Zandt because he was "going through a punch in the gut" and also thought of me because we listened to Townes a lot together. I just want to preface this situation and say I was a fucking dumb bitch idiot for even giving him the time of day. We like matched on a dating app (prob bumble) and hung out- basically would just get drunk together and watch youtube videos and then one day he was like "Hey I'm sorry- I am still struggling over my engagement and I think you are great but I think it would be best to stop hanging out." I totally respected that and was fucking stoked that he was upfront and didn't waste my time. BUT then he reached out like three months later or something and sent me some youtube videos/memes and I caved and hung out with him. Essentially, despite the fact that he was nearly 8 years older than me, I had to constantly communicate and ask about the relationship and wtf it was progressing into because he would just be like "I need time- I think you're so great and beautiful" yet would make fun of my accent and mannerisms constantly. He like knew how to lure me though- he was so good at saying the right things to keep me feeling open and understanding.

ANYWAYS- I eventually was like okay bro like I can't do this casual shit- I literally expressed this to you multiple times so I am cool with ending things now and then he was like oh no no non ononononononoonoooooo you are so amazing, I thought we were exclusive and together "but I don't like the term boyfriend." I SHOULDA KNEEEWWWWWWW, so fucking DUMB. Long story short, he was such a shit communicator and so fucking coy with his emotions and I had to constantly dig and ask to understand where I stood with him and eventually was like yo I think this needs to end and left--- that break up honestly didn't impact me very much(as I get older the more easily I can just shut off my emotions and not give a fuck quite frankly) but one of my friends let me know he got MARRIED like 5ish months after we broke up. Honestly- I was kind of happy for him. I'm not gonna even get into the details of his "problems" but I was like -nice, i'm glad he found someone that fit what he was looking for and accepts him!!!-lol..............

well- I guess he is now going through a divorce and that is most likely why he fucking messaged me. I entertained the conversation for only a little while in order for me to get my closure. I feel kind of mean/selfish doing that but like he was so cold and said some things that really stuck in my brain. I am so sensitive and fucking remember everything ppl say to me about me. So I played nice and got my answers which he was very willing to answer and then asked if i wanted to HANG OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA NO baby boy- i fucking don't ever want to hang out ever the fuck again. I swear to god- every fucking ex boyfriend/girlfriend tries to find a way to crawl back and make amends. I genuinely will never ever in a million fucking years give second chances ever again with partners. I wasn't mean but I was just like hey I appreciated the conversation and your willingness to open up about some things (LOL FUCKING FINALLY) but to be honest I just am not comfortable hanging out with you. I wish you the best tho!

None of this shit even matters- but I have just been up all night *`~ rEmEmBeRiNg~`* that this will happen over and over (even when i change my fckn phone number) and it annoys me prob more than it should. I don't think I willl even allow myself to be or feel embarrassed by someone I like/am partnered with. Despite being understanding and empathetic I will never ever fucking put myself in situations with people that are so emotionally closed off/emotional- any situation where I have to dig and dig and dig and dig for information or openness- I cannot stay or tolerate it because I cannot fuck with ppl like that anymore. IT IS 4AM LOL and i am PROB gonna FUCKN work OUT. idk how i have been not sleeping for days (like a few hours) and can still do a bunch of fckn chores and exercise every day- and nowwwwww go back to work

[mzchief]

needs edits - to be changed

When I first met M., he was 25, a roadie who drank double jack and cokes and spent his time on the road when he was not working, sleeping and nursing his hangovers in dark rooms with the curtains drawn in five star hotels.

I was on the tail end of a two year depression after the deepest heartache of my life and a severe career disappointment.  I was no longer sad everyday, but I was still destructive. 

We hit it off right away and for over the span of about a year and a half, we had these intense 3-4 day love affairs in Philly, Boston, and New York.  He lived in LA, and I lived in Brooklyn.

He got a girlfriend for awhile, I went to China and we saw each other 2 years ago when he had decided to spend a couple months in New York.  I had a consistant lover then, and we only saw each other once, but it was amiable, fun, and totally platonic.  He looked out for me like he always did and was a perfect gentleman. 

Five years after we first met, I was on a flight to Austin for SXSW.  I was working on the plane and he showed up on my Facebook feed.  I messaged him and it turned out, he was going to be in Austin also.  He was working some crazy show and I would be done with mine. I couldn't wait to see my friend.  We thought we'd have dinner on Friday, but his flight was delayed and his load in on Saturday, was going to start at 4am.

After my 86 hour work week, I spent Saturday, wandering around downtown Austin.  He had a 23 hour work day and was going to meet me after his show. One of the EVP’s of our company had left that day, with 2 days left on the five day minimums at one of the coveted downtown hotels, and her assistant let one my producer know.  My boss suggested that take the room since I was staying and check out of our production hotel 20 minutes outside the city.  They put my name on the room, and checked in.

We decided that he would just come stay with me, which was of course comfortable since god knows how much time we'd spent in hotel rooms together.  I left his name at the front desk and he went back to his production hotel to get all of his things.  This was probably the only way we'd have any time to hang out.  He was scheduled to leave on a flight the Sunday afternoon.  I awoke to the click of the door It was close to 3am and he had to be at work at 7am.  I had dropped the temperature in the room to his preferred 64 from my 72.

"Do you mind if I get in the shower?"

"Of course, not. There's a second robe in the closet."

While he showered, I changed into a pair of shorts and a baggy T. I wasn't trying to sleep naked with him in the room.  He came out in his shorts and crawled in bed.  He turned off the lights so we could only see each other from the Austin city lights coming through the windows.  It was so familiar, so comfortable.  We were beat, but we lay facing each other, chatting without touching, how was work? how were your last two years?

So much had changed, but that thing, that thing I've been trying to name was as constant as ever.  Our lives were so different.  The man I had seen starting to emerge two years ago was quite present.  In my exhaustion, I just barely registered a surprise of all the things we remembered about each other, how well we knew each other.  I kept trying to ease off the conversation, knowing he had to work in 2 hours, but when I would fall silent, he'd ask about me, was happy for how my life had progressed.

"When are you leaving tomorrow?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm going to stay," he said softly.

"Until Monday?"

"Yeah."

"Yay," my eyes were closed and I smiled.  We kept chatting and I don't know when it happened, but I turned my back to him and he wrapped himself around me and we continued to talk and laugh quietly until somehow we were both woken by the sound of the phone and his alarm.  

He untangled himself from me, legs, arms and hair and got out of bed.

"You can turn on the light," I murmured and feel back asleep.

I felt him standing over me and half opened my eyes, "Have a good day. Call me when you're done."

"Okay," he said softly, "go back to sleep," and he kissed me gently on the lips.

I woke up around 9am and asked him how things were going. He told me he was tired and was totally into the cuddle and apologized for the smootch. (Smooch. His word, definitely not mine.) "Totally just happened."

The apology was silly, but appreciated.  He told me later that I should have seen the look on my face. 

I'm sure I was surprised. But he was right, it felt normal. He told me to stay in bed and that he'd be home soon.

I did some work, then went out to grab lunch and some water for us.  I called to see when he was coming home and if I should pick him up some food.  i texted the guy in Brooklyn.

He finally got home (or back to the hotel) around 2:30.  I was trying to do some work to close out my project, but I was exhausted. I put my computer off to the side and he pulled me into bed and we talked about our day and what the plan was.  He wanted a nap and a shower.  He had changed his flight so that we could go to the airport together.  

"Have you been over the bridge?" he asked me.

"No, just that parking lot and downtown."  I kissed his big arm that was over my chest, just below my neck.

He was silent for a moment then kissed the top of my head, "You know what? I'm just going to take a shower. I'll sleep later. Let's go out."

He silenced my protestations and we went out. We had one of those lazy, happy afternoons, just walking around and everyone was nice to us.  We held hands (which I frankly, never do) and hugged and shopped and chatted and I spent all day under the crook of his arm. I fit perfectly.  We never kissed on the lips, but he kissed me often on the top of my head.  Everywhere we went, people were lovely to us.  I’d never been to that part of Austin before, away from the downtown hubbub of South by.

We got back to the hotel around 6, took a short nap and finally had sex.  And I know this sounds silly and I can't communicate how good it was, but it was like lazy, exhausted couple sex.  We laughed how it wasn't our best work, since you know, we hadn't had sex in like four years and we were both genuinely so tired, but it was intimate and familiar.

"Well," I laughed, "I mean, mission accomplished.”

We took a shower and I would have been happy to stay in and order room service with only a hint of regret.

"No, let's go out," he said, "you want to eat at that place; let's go."

"Yeah?" I was happy and it registered in my mind that it had been a long time since a man had made me happy.

We went to the restaurant I wanted to go to and it looked like a nightmare. It was like someplace in the Meatpacking District. It was like we'd left Texas.

The guy at the door was such a beotch. So, eyerollingly uppity and rude.  i could feel M. seething, but he wanted to accommodate me and this was supposed to be the hottest restaurant in town according to Eater, and apparently the guy at the door.

“You hate this, don’t you?”

“If you want to stay, we can have a drink.” he said, smiling through gritted teeth.  I was filled with affection.  i understood his barely stifled rage. Austin is flooded with entitled assholes during SxSW, but we were just two  grunts working on the productions.  The town hates us, like NY’s hate everyone in Times Square. I’m sure after 3 weeks the host was sick of it, but it did not justify the outstanding rudeness towards two people who’d been working around the clock. (Did I mention i did those 86 hours in 4 days?) and had i not been so amused by his barely hidden aggravation, I, too would have been ripshit.

“Let’s go.” I said.

Without hesitation, he put his hand on the small of my back, “I can get that fucking attitude in West Hollywood,” he said, as he gently guided and followed me out the door.

One of the other places on my list with a bit further of a hike, but it was quiet there and we found a great spot outside on the patio and had a wonderful meal in the warm, evening of the Texan spring, cooling down from  the 90 heat.  We drank and watched a team of bananas scale a jungle gym.

As the night wore on, a bunch of people came in and sat around us.  The restaurant was winding down, and these people came in with a familiarity that I recognized from years bartending, that these people were restaurant industry.  The staff deemed us acceptable, just a nice couple trying to avoid the masses.  The table next to us started chatting with our server and engaged us in talking about the night and the weeks.  They were a couple, she was beautiful and sort of aggressive.  He was sweet, and kind, and a romantic.  Later as we lay in bed, dissecting their dynamic, we both laughed with empathy, that she was only dating him because they conveniently worked together, and that she would break his heart.  But, at that moment, she was more overtly trying to figure out our situation.  We told her we were both in Austin for work, and decided to meet up.

“Wait, you live in New York and you live in LA?” she asked, skeptically, “how does that work?”

I looked over at M. “It works right now,” I laughed.

He liked that. “It works right now.”

#modernlove

[leannerachel]

Hello Friends!

It's been a long time (and by long time I mean a year) since I've updated y'all on the current going ons in my life and I felt to share what I've been up to as of late. Bear with me as this might be quite a lengthy update - if you nod off in the middle I will hold no grudges. 

I suppose I should start at the beginning of the summer. I was freshly back from my wonderfully growing, challenging, and fantastic adventure with YWAM Queenstown and I was ready for wherever God wanted to take me next. I was like 'Let's go God, I'm ready when you are! Six months, a year, five years- just let me know the plan and let's go.' And God was like 'I want to you to go to Indonesia for three weeks.' 

Three weeks! It's seems like an extremely short amount of time. That's the blink-of-an-eye-sneeze-and-you'll-miss-it kind of short. I was so ready to have this set plan, a goal and purpose that I could work at for a lengthy period of time. Why? Because I love knowing my direction- I find it incredibly easy to trust God when the lights are on and I can see the steps in front of me. Turn that light off and ask me to trust Him in the dark, well that's the hard part. 

So God asks me to go to Indonesia. And the response I got from most people when I expressed the idea of going was: that's a lot of money and travel time for such a short period of time. Which, trust me, was something I was well aware of. Maybe I wasn't hearing God correctly. Maybe I was wrong. How could I be so sure that's where He was calling me? What I really wanted was God to shoot me a text and be like: GO TO INDONESIA (and maybe even add in a few emojis). It was so hard to trust that I was truly hearing God when there were so many people around me vocally questioning and giving me logical reasons to stay; people who love me and only had the best intentions. 

After much indecision and prayer and possibly a few tears, I finally made the choice to trust that Indo was where God was calling me, for however short an amount of time- a decision that I made about a month and half before our trip began (shoutout to Lizzie who had to deal with my constant back and forth). 

Now a word that God has constantly been speaking to me in the past year is trust. Trust is something I struggle with in my relationships with the people around me, as well as in my relationship with God. So it's a little ironic that my trip had to start with a bucketload of trust. My dear friend Lizzie, who planned and organized our entire trip (she's the bombdotcom), booked our tickets from JFK to Sumba (the island in Indonesia where we were volunteering), but she mistakenly spelled my last name wrong- which let's be honest, is not that hard to do. Now in some cases a slight error in spelling isn't a problem, but you always run the risk of having to pay an extra fee to change the mistake or in the worst case scenario you can't board your flight. Unfortunately I'm a more of a worst case scenario kind of gal. I was a little stressed out to say the least, a situation not at all improved by my conversation with this lovely woman I met at JFK, who told me she couldn't board her flight to India because the name on her ticket was misspelled. So I'm sitting in airport food court at 4am, freaking out, and God just says: 'Do you trust me?'. And I'm sitting there thinking about how I follow a God who parted the Red Sea, turned water into wine, and raised the dead back to life and I can't trust Him enough to get me through airport security missing one measly letter in my last name. It's a pretty laughable when I think about it now- but hindsights always 20/20 isn't it?

Surprise, surprise (but not actually), I got on all of my flights with my amazing team of three other pretty rad people (Lizzie, Ally, and Chris). About 30 hours later, give or take, we landed in Sumba and were on our way to House of Hope- a home to adolescents around ages 13-19 that gives them opportunities they might not otherwise have. 

Walking into this trip, I honestly had no expectations. I just went with the intention of being obedient to whatever God called me to do. Most of our time was spent with the kids who live at HOH; our team led devotions every morning at five (which I was surprisingly fairly awake for), we spent time hanging out whether that was playing card games (they LOVED Dutch Blitz), cooking with them, playing soccer, or talking with them. I loved getting to know and form a relationship with them. We also spoke at a church every Sunday we were there- all four of us had an opportunity to share at a service- I was surprisingly ready and eager to speak, I volunteered immediately when I felt God wanted me to share, which kind of shocked even me as I'm not one for public speaking. 

There was one day where we went out on water ministry with some of the staff from HOH, we drove a truck out to one of the villages to bring fresh drinking water, and while we were there, we were able to pray for a man who had lost his leg in an accident as well as a woman who had a tumour covering one side of her face. While they weren't healed while we were there, I have faith that God is working on them both physically and spiritually.

We were also able to have a girl's night while were at HOH. A time where Lizzie, Ally and I were able to speak identity into and share how much God loves and values each and every one of those young women. It was an incredibly powerful evening and it was such a blessing to speak God's love and identity over all of the girls. 

My time there was also one of rest. Not in the sense of physical rest, or a rest from work (#stillunemployed) but a rest from the distractions of day to day life, rest from the pressure of having a ‘plan’. God was really telling me to slow down, to learn to find purpose in abiding in Him, to step into the peace that He has given us.

In Western culture we are so led by action, in 'success', in doing whether that be in our jobs, our relationships, and even our faith. There were days in Sumba when all we would do was play games with the kids or make cinnamon buns in the kitchen; in the culture I've been brought up in those things don't amount to much, they certainly don't lead to a 'fulfilling and successful' day. But I was able to show God's love for the staff or the students in those simple moments- which in God's eyes is truly the definition of success, so why shouldn't it be in mine?  

SO much learning and growing. Isn't God awesome?!

I am currently back in beautiful, freezing cold Canada. Only three days after arriving home and we had snow on the ground- so I got the full Canadian welcome. I'm still praying and listening for where God is leading me next but I'm excited for whatever He has in store as it's better than anything I could plan. 

If you've read through my entire long winded rambling, kudos to you- you get a gold star. Congrats. 

Thank you for all of the support and the prayers. I love you all. God loves you all. Keep being awesome. 

Leanne

I have a few prayer requests if you'd like to pray for/with me, it's always appreciated: 

- Direction, trust and obedience: That I'm really in tune with God for my next steps and willing to trust and obey when He reveals them to me! 

- For all of the staff and students at House of Hope

- A job for moi: as of now this is the direction God is pointing me in (yay!), so pray for a super duper awesome job that only has to be semi-enjoyable (but it's in God hands so it's going to be super enjoyable!)