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96xie · 2 years

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growth :>

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,,,,, there is this guy I have been talking to since march i believe!! so its been only 2 months since we started talking, he’s all the way in japan while im here at the other side of the world in california. and though it’s been a very short time, he makes me feel like a highschooler again, feeling so giddy and extra giggly and stuff. i can confidently say i like him but at my emotional state? not so much.

as of today, he’s out deployed at sea, so no connection for the next 6 months. and although it will be definitely lonely, i do think theres a positive side to this. you see, this man is so bright. he’s emotionally mature, funny, dorky, positive, he’s seemingly established and basically he got his life together. while im the total opposite: still in school with a barista as a part time job, financially and emotionally insecure with a bunch of baggage. the next few months will allow me to address my emotional issues and just kinda picking myself up to become a confident person. if things do go right, i want to be able become strong person for him and be able to tend to his emotional needs. because right now im always spiraling down lmao

i cannot stress how amazing he is. he’s really proud of the work he has done and he’s just this outgoing established man that anyone can see. the way i am right now, i dont think i can give him the things he deserves. i want to be able to do that in the near future if things do go right. but first, i have to take care of myself, i need to graduate college, i need to find a good job, i need to be financially secure. i need to REALLY put myself first before being able to take care of someone. i believe he’s someone who deserves anything and everything and yknow. and againnnnnnnnn if things do go in the right direction, id like to be able to provide that for him. at the moment? no. mannnnnn i got so much emotional baggage that i need to unpack before going into dating again.

i saw this tweet directed to some signs, one of them being pisces to be exact, and it was concerning other signs also, but more notably on aquarius n gemini (my rising n sun). idk how about yall but i do have experience reading stuff and it being hiiiiiiighly accurate. so anyways, it was talking about:

"they” [me basically] have alot of things going on in their life (true tho) and is having a difficult time juggling everything in life right now. you could have met them around april, or that month might be significant in some way but things might have slowed down all of a sudden. this person feels they must focus on certain priorities right now in order to free up time and energy for this connection in the near future. this person was not expecting this connection to hit them like this and they are making proper plans to be able to build a future with you. they might have more on their plate than they let you know, but relax your mind because everything that this person is coming forward with will bring clarity. they feel that if they focus too much on this right now there’s a chance they’ll sabotage but not on purpose. they arent sure they can make you happy right now but they are working on it. this person will message when the timing is right and when their life is more balanced. they know how special you are and they feel they need to step up in order to give you everything you deserve. the pressure this person feels is coming from them because they think so highly of you. time is needed but there will be a conversation in the future.

CAN I JUST SAY HOW ACCURATE THIS IS THO DFKGJDKGN dkgdg slojfs im just like !!!! i didnt expect him to dm me !!! and i just !!! im currently such a disaster and i just have so many things to work on. and i promised myself that i need to organize my life in order to go back into dating. dating is not my priority. but also like tht doesnt mean i cant have fun or something? lol but also likeeeee,,,,, he’s so far away and i REALLY dont have the emotional space to be doing LDR again. i just got out of a 2 yr ldr last year and i can say i already moved on but its something i CANNOT do again. anyways

he’s always calling me amazing and beautiful and of course it makes me blush !! i get to darn shy !!! but sometimes i just think, what if he sees me in person and is disappointed? his friend tells me otherwise but i really cant help but think that way. anyways!! he always showers me with compliments like my friends do so it just shows that i need to see myself the way that everyone does. i should treat myself better.

maybe its too soon to say anything, but i think he’s good for me. he makes me want to become a better person. i love his bright aura and i think anyone that basks in it would instantly feel good. i know i sound SO sappy. but um i just think he’s neat hehe. i would love to be able to become just as bright as him and confidently stand next to him :”)

ANYWAYS. i will be using this 6 months for personal growth to become a person i can be proud of and maybe be able to stand confidently next to him ! we will see what happens. :>

#i think im feeling very gud abt this ! !! !!!#another long diary post

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

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omg holy shit- the tiktok with the wink- i am blushing; shaking my heart is racing because that person looks so much like him like wtf!! THE WINK- i will replay this video until i die istg(which won't take long with the way my heart is pumping-). i can't stop giggling either omg. stop i am simping so hard. so i think we are in the same boat here (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

ok he said: "sounds like my typa person; can they give me a tarot reading??? dude; monster high is sick i could watch that shit for days! tell them i want a cuddle buddy so bad and I am excited to meet them in person!" i don't know if that's how he said it word for word but the sense is the same. and don't worry he keeps asking if u wrote again- he likes hearing abt u ^^

dude the thing is i am more scared of them actually liking me but being like: "poly? nope." and then they ask me to choose and i would probably just not shift there again but that would be so fuckn sad cuz I love nina and ben. they r like super important to me. haha but ig i should shoot my shot anyways right?

-🃏

AGGHHHHHHHH we both be simpin- (this first paragraph is just me freaking out so.. feel free to skip ahead) OMLLLLL SAGHHJHHH JFHSLEI HJUIOYKFGHNCHJIYTURJDHJFTYGIU I CANT STOP SOBBING ;ASRHGPUHRG;OUSHRG;OI GOD HELP ME IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW HE ACTUALLY KNWOS ABOUT ME AND THINKS IM COOL IM GONNA STOP BREATHING I NEED HELP- IVE NEVER LIKED SOMEONE THIS MUCH-

*cough cough* ok im done. (●´⌓`●) My vocal cords gave out. He keeps asking if i wrote again like a fic??? I would read his tarot, I would cook him food, I would suck his d-. Essentially, I would do anything for him. If it will make him smile I would fucking do anything. God me??!! MEER!!?? His cuddle buddy OMLOMLOML RED CALM DOWN- im gonna strain my vocal cords BAD.

Also bro- I wanna listen to lady gaga with him. This is now my life goal. (✧Д✧) Do you think he likes lady gaga?? (;ŏ﹏ŏ) God what I would give to listen to love game and just dance around- I don’t care if he thinks im weird. I’ve been waiting all my life for this.

Well how is jeff and Toby’s relationship with eachother?? Ask around about that!! Im sure that once you are completely certain they like you, shoot your shot. BUT ALSO BRO- please please please believe in yourself. You are amazing. Don’t give up mannnnnn. ALSO TYSM FOR THE COFFEEEEEE NOW IM CRYING AGAIN- AIGHA;YIYHIGYISFISA;OH;S I LOVE YOU SO INSANELY A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#🚹#creepypasta #ben drowned #jeffery woods #jeff the killer creepypasta #toby rogers

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