#anyways hope this ramble helps have a good day osbfksbflsnls

[gibbearish]

hi i’m not really sure how to do this but i came from your uquiz and you seem knowledgeable and nice and so i’m asking you a question now i’m sorry

uhm, so, i think i maybe might be trans (ftm) because i’m super dysphoric and i sometimes look at guys and i get really jealous because they just get to, like, exist like that (i’m not really sure what the “that” is, but god, do i want it) and i very much don’t and when i refer to myself using he/him pronouns in my head it feels, uhm, at the risk of being a cliche, right, i guess.

but the thing is that i don’t really fit into any of the stereotypical trans guy things. like a lot of my friends when i was little were girls and though i have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (sports and physics) i also sew, and when i was little i was obsessed with being a princess for like a month before i started refusing to wear dresses.

i don’t think i’m non-binary, i tried using they/them pronouns this summer and while they didn’t actively hurt like she does, they didn’t really feel right.

so, like, am i lying to myself? i don’t know, maybe i just want to be special (i don’t want it, though, if i could just be happy as a girl i would).

sorry i just unloaded half an essay on you you obviously don’t have to reply and i know you’re probably not qualified to answer anyway, i just needed to tell someone, you know?

anyways, i hope you’re having a nice night or day or whatever. thank you, for, like, existing on the internet i guess. your quiz was very nice. bye.

howdy anon! dw i am always glad to answer questions abt this stuff even tho it make take me a while lol

my best advice for situations like this is i know its easy but don't let yourself get caught up in the trap of "well this is the label that makes me feel best but i dont technically check off every single box for it so am i just lying?" people arent video game quests, you dont have to hit every single box for it to count, youre allowed to have stuff fall outside the technical definition of a term while still calling yourself it. im very similar to you, i was in tap and ballet growing up, wore dresses and makeup for most of highschool, sewing crocheting knitting the whole shebang. but the important part is that none of those things make a difference to your identity. knowing how to sew doesnt make you a girl, it can just make you a guy who knows how to sew. its a thing you do, not who you are.

all that being said, i think another helpful angle to look at things is "does the distinction between two similar labels actually make a difference to me?" using myself as an example again, i dont call myself a trans man because while i do prefer presenting masculine, for some reason the term 'man' just doesnt feel right for me. but at the same time, to the rest of the world that's functionally what i am, right? so does that change /who/ i am? no. so for me personally, ive deliberately chosen not to file myself into either "trans man" or "nonbinary" and just move on with my day, because to me it doesnt actually make a difference which one i am, im still gonna stay on t, i still want top surgery, i still want to be perceived masculine, and thats not gonna change no matter what name is on the box so who gives a shit. just do what makes you happy

#also this is a side note but going back to the whole 'when i was growing up i was more feminine' angle #one thing ive found is that the more masc i get the more pressing the Need To Be Masculine becomes #so like. accepting that identities can be fluid and change over time can be very helpful imo #maybe i was a girl at one point and now im not‚ or maybe i never was‚ who cares. either way‚ im not one now‚ and thats what matters #gender is a game we were all forced to play from birth‚ youre allowed to say fuck all these rules im just gonna exist how i want #i hope this all makes sense and isnt an incoherent ramble labflsbfksbfkeb ive been having brain fog lately so i tend #to lose track of where i am when im talking sometimes #i dont think youre lying to yourself‚ i think introspection and understanding your identity are very difficult things to do #and i think like a lot of trans(?) people pre-everything youre scared that the answer will be 'yes‚ you are trans‚ and now you have to #figure out how to live in a way that feels right' #not to say nonbinary people dont have to deal w the same stuff as trans ppl obv bc Hello Thats Me ksnfkshfkek #but like. i feel like most ppl see it as 'figure out identity then work on transition goals' but like you absolutely dont have to #you can just say 'idk what i am but i know doing xyz will make me happier' and just go from there #and who knows! maybe doing so will change your understanding of yourself to the point you find picking a label far easier #or maybe it wont! you wont know till you try though #anyways hope this ramble helps have a good day osbfksbflsnls