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themonsterunderthebed · 2 months

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Ooookay let's go!

Love never dies

The Last Five Years (if you remember any of it)

Moulin Rouge

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO. i'm not going in order because my thoughts on Love Never Dies will take up a ridiculous amount of this ask so we'll get the others out of the way first

the last five years: if i remember right, that's the one where the guy tells the story of their relationship backwards, and the woman tells it forwards? or the other way around, something like that. very clever premise, i don't remember being particularly wowed by any of the songs. it's a cool musical just not quite my style, though maybe i'll give it another try sometime

moulin rouge: what fun!!! love love love the movie. this ridiculous opulence is what musicals are about, baby. pull out all the fucking stops. i haven't watched a bootleg of the broadway revival but i like most of the soundtrack. i don't think they really needed to update the songs to more modern ones, i would've preferred they stick with the ones from the movie, but i get what they were trying to do and it's not inherently a bad idea. that clip from roxanne started off my strange period of obsession with aaron tveit, so shoutout to that. also has an incredible dance sequence somewhere in there, i forget which song it was (maybe also tango de roxanne?)

Love Never Dies: hooooooo boy time for some fucking Hot Takes. Okay. my feelings on LND are Bad. very very bad. this should not exist. Are we doing my whole rant on this? We might be doing my whole rant on this. Including actual capitalization and punctuation. I should disclaim here that I am doing 0 fact checking for this. We are going based entirely on my spotty memory and vibes.

There are several axioms we have to acknowledge to plumb the depths of my feelings on LND. 1. Frederick Forsyth is not a good author. 2. Phantom of Manhattan was batshit insane from start to finish. It would've killed as a crack fic on FFN that really committed to the bit. Unfortunately, it is not a crack fic on FFN. It is an actual published piece of fiction sold for actual money. Admittedly I haven't read it since I was fourteen or so, and my critical reading skills were not fully developed, but I have no reason to believe that it was written as a parody or satire. To the best of my knowledge, this horrifying dumpster fire mishmash of questionable phandom tropes (e.g., Raoul as an abusive alcoholic to make the Phantom better than him*, lovechild between Christine and the Phantom**), bizarre Phantom whump (fishmonger???? hello???????) and a plotline contrived enough to put 2009 FFN phics to shame was written seriously, and meant to be read as a serious piece of fiction. This is... somewhat distressing, honestly. 3. Tragically, ALW does know how to write really catchy music.

What I remember hearing back when LND was announced was that ALW and Frederick Forsyth are friends, and that's how this came about. I am doing no fact checking for this post so I cannot really confirm or deny this, but it is the best explanation of why on earth PoM was chosen as the base material for a completely unnecessary sequel. Of course the other major published phan work is Phantom by Susan Kay -- this would not be suitable sequel material, but could have given rise to a heartwrenching prequel. Phantom, frankly, doesn't need a sequel. It shouldn't have one. It's a tragedy, it's meant as a tragedy, and alleviating that is firmly the domain of fanworks. I have read countless fix-its and sequels and happy endings - I very much understand the urge! But trying to reverse the tragedy in the canon itself cheapens the story in its entirety. Phantom is a social commentary: what happens to an ugly genius (to what extent can we accept that which is different from us) , and what happens to someone forced to exist outside of society? What is a monster, and how does a person become one? What is the distinction between what we are and what we are made into? And where is the line between what is and isn't forgiveable? We're meant to be left to sit with those questions. Continuing the story instead weakens their impact.

Of course, it can best be explained as a blatant money grab; we know ALW is not above that. And in that respect, I think it worked. Hooray, more money for ALW. And look - it has been a long time since I listened to any of the LND songs, but I know there are some good ones in there. Devil Take the Hindmost comes to mind as a catchy one. I'm taking a look at the tracklist now, and if I remember right, Till I Hear You Sing and Beneath a Moonless Sky might also have been good. But do any of these songs justify their rotting scaffolding? No! They do not!

The best part of LND is probably the casting. Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess have chemistry out the fucking wazoo. They are fantastic Phantom-Christine pair. And if LND is what it took to get them to play opposite one another - well, I can't say whether or not it makes the whole thing worth it. But it is definitely one of the few bright spots.

TL;DR: LND is a completely unnecessary musical that should never have been brought into existence, based on a dumpster fire of a trash novel. It also had incredible casting and has some really good songs.

*thinking more about that, it probably says a lot that in order to make the Phantom the clear better choice, his rival has to undergo absolute character assassination to make him a caricature of a terrible husband. but I digress

**I think this might be from Kay but I don't fully remember. I don't think it's reasonable to assume from Leroux seeing as getting kissed on the forehead by Christine basically nearly kills Erik dead, though it's certainly a conversation one could have. I especially don't think it's reasonable based on the ALW musical, because -- literally when would this have happened. In the Final Lair scene, we have the lyrics "...am I now to be prey/to your lust for flesh?" "This face which condemns me to wallow in blood/has also denied me the joys of the flesh." It's up to interpretation whether this means the Phantom is a virgin or whether he's physically unable to have sex, but either way we can safely assume he and Christine have not had sex at that point. We see literally every second of the rest of their interactions right there on stage. There is no sex. Now this doesn't exclude the possibility that Christine goes back shortly after, and maybe this is specified in Phantom of Manhattan -- I don't remember. It strikes me as very very silly, though.

#themonster #love never dies hate #if this shows up somehow in the lnd tag i am deeply sorry. it shouldn't but i'm paranoid #poto #i literally typed this into a text file on my computer and emailed it to myself to copy paste into tumblr on my phone #bc i can't type efficiently enough on my phone to express this many feelings #jon-withnoh #answers #musicals

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fairyoftbz · 3 years

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sunburnt | s. eric

☀ pairing: pharmacist! eric x fem!reader ☀ word count: 1.4k (i really can't write sth small smh) ☀ genre: fluff, sort of beach!au (?) ☀ tw: sunburns, some swear words here and there ☀ synopsis: after spending an afternoon at the beach, you painfully realised that you got sunburnt. ☀ a/n: I know it's shitty but this is just to express my pain bc I always get sunburnt lmao ☀ requested: no

╰☆☆☆☆╮

Getting rid of all the sand in your belongings, you swiftly slid your feet into your flip-flops and walked towards the bar located at the end of the beach. The barista handed you the bottle of soda you asked for and walked away, adjusting the sunglasses perched on your nose as the sun was still shining brightly.

Taking the afternoon off to enjoy some peace away from your bustling life was the best self-care decision you ever made. You kept your destination hidden and turned off your phone as soon as you stepped a foot in the burning sand, wanting the focus to be on yourself only. Work had been restless, and your colleagues had been giving you a hard time, so you wanted to spend some time alone to enjoy the time being, away from stressing at your desk and being in front of the computer screens all day.

The afternoon was pleasant. You had swum in the ocean for a while, drying on the sand until the heat became unbearable and went back in the water. Tiredness took over your body at some point, feeling thirsty and hungry, giving you a good reason to leave, excited to go back home to chill on your balcony instead. In the higher floors of the building you lived in, the air was still salty but fresher, and you preferred this over anything else.

Pausing for a quick second, you uncapped the bottle of soda with a swift flick of the finger before taking long sips, the sparkly feeling refreshing your throat. You sighed in relief when you reached your car, setting your bag and towel inside. But, as you were about to close the trunk, a sharp pain travelled your entire body, shooting from your upper arm to reach the lower part of your back. Confused, you winced and lowered your arm, walking to the side of your car to look at yourself in a window.

Your skin was gleaming bright red, suddenly feeling the uncomfortable pain of a throbbing sunburn. Placing your hand on your shoulder blade, you touched the skin and your eyes widened, feeling it burn under your palm and your skin turning white where you had pressed your fingertips.

With gritted teeth and a clenched jaw, you pushed the trunk down before locking your car despite your discomfort. Finding a pharmacy was the only way to relieve you from his pain because you doubted that the products found at the grocery store would be very efficient.

You quickly entered the first store you found, asking for directions. The man behind the cash register gestured you to the nearest pharmacy, bowing at him before going back in the sweltering heat. The more you moved, the more effort you had to reassemble to keep walking, realising that not only your shoulders were sunburnt, but also the remaining limbs of your body.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” you cursed yourself at the negligence you had for yourself, delicately placing the strap of your purse on your shoulder as you winced again.

It wasn’t the first time that you got this type of ache, you almost got sunburnt every single summer. Though you had tried every sunscreen purchasable in the market, nothing was well enough to shield your skin from the UV rays, no matter how high-protecting and promising the tube of sunscreen was. You shook your head as you walked to the pharmacy, mentally preparing yourself to suffer at every single movement you’ll do for the next few days.

The glass doors of the drugstore slid open, letting the air conditioning welcome you in a fresh embrace. Your skin lightly itched as you neared the never-ending mister a little too close, the simple contact of water against your skin was enough to make you wince. Looking around the shop for a while, much to your dismay, you couldn’t find any after-sun lotion. Replacing a tube on the shelf, you were about to ask for help when you heard someone clear their throat behind you.

You slightly flinched at the sensitive skin of your neck wrinkling as you turned around, offering a half-smile to the person in front of you. Wearing a white blouse above a white t-shirt and some chino pants hitched up at the end, the man in front of you greeted you with a smile, eyes filled with care and worry as they lingered on your reddened skin.

“Can I help you in any way?” he started, and you nodded, taking your sunglasses off, involuntarily displaying more of your sunburnt face. He hissed empathically at the sight of your red skin, and you sighed before bitterly chuckling.

“I know I should have been more careful, but I can't find a single brand of sunscreen efficient enough to protect my skin. Maybe you have some products that could help me heal it, at least?” the pharmacist nodded as his eyes couldn't leave the redness of your skin, his actions allowing you to see his name on the tag above his blouse pocket: Eric S.

“You need to be cautious, it's bad to ruin your cells and break some skin layers. I have rarely seen such type of sunburnt, it looks like you’re going to have to be patient for it to heal correctly. Uh, okay, let me go check if I have something for you,” he mumbled while detailing your skin, his fingers gently resting on your shoulder to turn you around, observing the reddened skin your clothes allowed to show. His eyes widened for a quick second at the damage, nodding at you before disappearing in the back office, his front pieces of hair flying up as he passed in front of a fan.

You stood there, waiting for him to come back, faking your interest in another product as the fresh air of the pharmacy allowed your body to cool down for a while. You couldn’t do anything with your body, crossing your arms became so hurtful that you had to stay with them dangling on your sides. Fortunately, the pharmacist was quick to come back with a large lotion pot in hand and a cylindrical tube in the other. He got hailed by another waiting customer but was quick to politely redirect him to one of his colleagues, walking back to you with a caring smile painted on his face.

“So, I have this lotion that is aloe vera based, and its benefits are very good for your skin. Not only for sunburns but also in general, if you have dry skin or even acne. It’s very moisturising and anti-inflammatory, and you can apply it as many times throughout the day as you want. You could also apply pure aloe vera taken straight from the branches, but I’m scared that all the local stores have run out of it,” he explained with a smile, walking towards one of the unoccupied cash registers, typing a few things on the screen.

“And the tube? What is it for?” you pointed at the thing, the pharmacist’s eyes not leaving the screen as he turned the tube around, recognising the white and orange packaging of a famous French brand for you to read.

“This is French thermal water, the same one that we diffuse at the entrance”, he said as he gestured to the steam of mist escaping from the machine next to the sliding doors. “It can help you freshen up and cool down your skin when the sunburnt is as consequent as yours. My sister uses it a lot, and it’s efficient according to her. She uses the cream as well, and she wears a bathing suit, it's the best way for the product to sink in well,” you thanked him as you took your wallet out, grabbing your credit card and pressed it against the machine, which emitted a sound at the end of your transaction.

“Don’t hesitate to come back if you need further explanation or anything else. Have a nice day!” your fingers grazed against his as you took the bag from him and walked out of the store, reaching inside the bag once you were on your way back to your car.

However, you stopped in your tracks as some ink coloured your fingertips, finding a post-it note stuck on the inside of the bag. The paper grabbed your attention by brushing against the skin of your forearm as you wanted to grab the facial water mister, impatient to get rid of this stinging sensation on your face. You frowned and peeled the note off, noticing hasty words messily scribbled on it.

maybe I can teach you correctly to put on sunscreen to avoid any other sunburns? ;) call me xx-xxx-xxx

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