#because again fuck the old money gatekeeping assholes from down the street

[innytoes]

You have one of those 12 foot skeletons in your yard and you caught me trying to take selfies with it / Sweet Tarts

Also for @invisibleraven who asked for the exact same thing. Who knew this prompt had Carrie/Reggie vibes?

When the Wilsons celebrated, they went hard. Their birthday blow-outs were legendary from the time Carrie had been in kindergarten. Their Fourth of July drones show (fireworks were so 90s) was epic and set to their favourite music. Christmas? Their mansion was covered in so many lights they had their own generator, and every room had a Christmas tree. (The one in Carrie's room was all pink, of course.)

So of course they went all out for Halloween, too. It was pretty hard to convert a sleek white modern mansion into a spooky old Victorian house, so instead they went all out with other kinds of decorations. Like the skeletons that hung out in front of the large windows on the second floor, having cocktails. Or the ghosts hanging from the trees and railings. Or the spooky lights and glowing orbs in the pool. Or the gazillion decorative pumpkins around the place. (Again, the ones in Carrie's room were pink.)

This year's new showstopper, though, was a twelve foot skeleton that her dad brought home. He showed it off, jazz hands and all, like the dork he was, and she could only barely hide her smile even as she eye-rolled at him.

"Not cool enough?" Dad asked her. "Don't worry, I thought of that."

And then he pulled out a pair of giant novelty sunglasses from somewhere. That got her to crack, and she laughed, which made her dad beam, which made her feel gooey inside. Out in public, they had to be perfect, and cool, and flawless, but when it was just the two of them, they could goof around and be dorks.

Now, while all of October was Go Hard On The Spooky Stuff, their Halloween basically had two big nights. The first was their Big Halloween Bash, where dad invited all his famous friends and people he worked with and Carrie got to invite some of her friends as long as they all promised to be cool.

The second, which deep down Carrie liked much better, was Trick or Treating. Because what was the point of living in the rich neighbourhood if not to show off all your badass decorations and costumes and spooky playlists and wow kids with amazing treats.

Full sized candy bars? Pah, those were for the old money losers down the street. Carrie and her dad got custom made edible crystals. Kids could pick out their own colour and shape, and eat something that looked like it shouldn't be eaten. Did you want a neon green orb, or a jagged piece of quartz, or even a candy beetle encased in 'amber'?

Carrie, of course, made sure to grab some in all her Candi's colours and put them aside. (And a few pink ones for herself.)

But the big holiday bash had come and gone, and trick or treating wasn't until tomorrow, so what the hell was this guy doing in their yard?

"Aren't you a little old to be trick or treating?" she asked as she flung the door open. Usually, if someone was lurking around like that, she'd call security, but this guy didn't seem to be paparazzi or a crazed fan who wanted to murder her dad. Also, she'd shoved her taser in the pocket of her cardigan before opening the door. (It was pink. And bedazzled.)

The boy, who seemed to be about her age, yelped and flailed, nearly dropping his crappy little phone. "Sorry, I'm sorry!" he stammered. "I thought nobody was home!"

Carrie raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow. "Is that supposed to make it better?" she asked in her nastiest mean-girl-voice.

He flushed, looking ashamed of himself. Suddenly, even with the leather jacket, he seemed a lot smaller. "I'm sorry," he said miserably. "It's just that this is the first time I've seen one of these giant skeletons in real life and I really wanted to take a selfie with it. I mean, he's wearing sunglasses and everything."

He looked so sad, like a kicked puppy, and really, she couldn't begrudge him too much. Their skeleton was pretty awesome. And he was pretty cute.

"You're never going to get all of him in frame with you like that," she rolled her eyes, grabbing her keys and demonstratively pulling the door closed behind her so he couldn't slip inside in case this was just a ruse.

She made sure to keep her hand on her taser as she passed him, but he just gaped at her. When she was far enough away to get all of the skeleton into the picture, she pulled out her phone. "Smile!" she said, and on instinct, he did. She snapped a picture, and when he realised what happened, he beamed, begging for another one.

She had to admit that the one hugging Skeletor's leg (yes, her dad had named their giant skeleton Skeletor like a massive dork) was pretty funny. As was the one where he was bowing down before it. And pretending to run away from it.

They had a little photo shoot for like two minutes, before he seemed to run out of ideas, and thanked her profusely, before moving to leave.

"Hey!" she shouted after him, and he froze in his tracks. "You have to give me your number so I can send these to you!" Okay, so he was cute but not very bright. She could work with that.

He looked a little flustered, but gave her his number to put in her phone. She sent him a test text, and his entire face lit up when he saw the first picture appear on his own screen.

And if maybe she texted him again the next day inviting him over to try one of their gourmet crystals and see the whole yard done up right for trick or treating, well, she just wanted to share the holiday spirit.

#carriexreggie #julie and the phantoms #carrie wilson #reggie peters #fanfic #I wrote a thing #halloween #oh to have a giant skeleton with sunglasses #reggie being a himbo and carrie being like: guess I'm into that #just picturing trevor and carrie's entire hallway filled with like 50 boxes of custom made gourmet candy #they have treasure chests on tables on the porch with the 'gems' in them for the kids to pick from #because fuck those old money people down the street they're gonna Win Halloween and every other holiday #(for the purpose of this fic Carrie maybe does not live in a house with barbed wire and a gate lol.) #also they make sure to compliment all the kids who are clearly Not From Around Here in their homemade or cheap costumes #because again fuck the old money gatekeeping assholes from down the street

[absurdistavocado-blog]

The Confessions of an Edgewood Bouncer

Ever wonder how the gatekeepers of the city’s best nightlife preserve the legendary Atlanta turn up we’re known all over the world for?  Well I’ve gone straight to those that know the underbelly of the beast better than anyone, and returned with the long half of the wishbone. Cloud Songon has bounced all over the city for years, kicking ass and taking names with the best of them. This raw and exclusive interview will let you know what the business is, so you can act like you know the next time you find yourself partying on Edgewood Ave.

Where in Atlanta have you bounced at and do you enjoy your job?

The big names are Joystick, The Blue Flame, Déjà vu, Church, and some random ass Korean go-go clubs on the Northside.  I’ve done security on the Westside, Fourth Ward, Eastside, Norcross, bars, clubs, strip clubs, condos, and private events. If you can bounce somewhere, I’ve done it.

Do I enjoy it? Yes and no. I enjoy working with the general populous of stand up motherfuckers in the security business. Like any job, there are times when you don’t, but for the most part I do enjoy what I do.

 What do you think is the biggest myth about bouncing?

 There are a lot of myths about bouncing, but I guess the biggest one would be that you’re cracking heads from the time you clock in to the time you clock out, but it’s not at all like that. 99% of any security work, I don’t care where you are, is watching, observing, and developing a system and sticking to it. It’s not always knocking guys out or throwing them through doors. It’s a lot of standing on your feet for anywhere from 8 to 16 hours on a sticky bar room floor. Talking to drunk, high intoxicated people; conversations with guys that just smoked crack, meth, off coke, random ass trucker drugs, liquid meth, let your imagination take you where it will. People see the glitz and glamour, but it’s mostly just dealing with people and being the least intoxicated person in the room, not just being a professional street brawler, though there is a time and place for that and it is part of the job.

 How do you avoid getting arrested by the police after putting your hands on someone?

 Here’s how it works.  When you come to the bar or club its private property, not open to the public, its private, and we reserve the right to choose, accept, and deny who we would like to do business with. Doing business being: you buying the alcohol, doing all the things involving you spending money. I’m working the door, I have the right to accept or deny based on my judgment, so if I ask you to leave my private property, just as if I asked you to leave my home, and you don’t leave, you are within your rights to then physically remove somebody.  Furthermore, if that person has proved themselves to be a threat or disturbance to said business then even more so. Just make sure you’re doing your damn job and you put your hands on them because you had to. There ain’t a damn thing they can do.  If anything they’ll get charged for possibly trespassing on private property or starting a fight. But most places I’ve worked we had a great relationship with local law enforcement, so much so that me and my buddy were offered to go into the APD by a local Sergeant on Edgewood twice due to our professionalism and reputation.

 Is that something you would consider doing?

Fuck no.

 What is the difference between doing security on Edgewood than anywhere else in the city?

 Edgewood is a unique creature, beyond diverse. Even after working 5, 6 days a week for a year I wouldn’t know what I was walking into for a shift some days. There are people from all walks of life from a guy that just did 20 years in Fulton County Prison and then three minutes later have a transgender artist and singer and have a full conversation with both so you got to be a people person. Edgewood has no specific demographic you know, there are a few spots like The Department Store where you have a specific crowd, but for the most part you run the gamut of college kids, full on stone cold gangsters and drug dealers, artists, literally people from everywhere all over the world: Brazil, Spain, Australia, a lot of people from France, all over Europe, Puerto Rico and Colombia, literally all over. There ain’t too many places where they can all come together to enjoy all that the Fourth ward has to offer.

What are the best and worst nights to go out for a novice who doesn’t know what to expect?

Depends on what you’re into. Want to be around a whole lot of people? Friday and Saturday especially in the summer time is nothing short of a block party. If you want more chill, Thursday is good because the weekend really starts on Friday when all the 9-5 people are watching the clock ready to go in after work. So Thursday is good for that night before the chaos, plus bars do gimmicks like burlesque or standup comedy or film nights, but if you’re really trying to push yourself to the limit and go hard in the paint then Friday and Saturday are your go to nights.

 For someone who works in nightlife, where do you go to have a good time?

 Generally speaking, guys in the quote “industry” have after hours’ spots and bartender’s houses we go to. Me, myself, I like Highland Cigar Company to enjoy a smoke. Amer in Inman Park is real cool, with quality staff and some of the best cocktails in the city. Jack’s Pizza is an Atlanta staple, some of the best pizza in the city hands down. I’ve walked in there and seen a live duck walking around, so pets are welcome, the beers are cheap and tall and again, the pizza is great. Georgia Beer Garden too and of course the home spot Joystick.

 Have any advice for folks who’ve never been, but want to make a name for themselves in the scene?

 I actually had a lot of guys ask me that exact question. I helped a few of them and I didn’t help another few. Edgewood’s one of those places where it’s hard to fake it because people that been in the Fourth Ward for an extended period of time know who’s who. So whether its music or art or whatever, just be consistent if you want to use the Edgewood name and the Fourth Ward stamp you got to be out here. Do what you do and do it to the best of your ability and we’ll fuck with you, just don’t be a fuck boy.  It takes a lot to build a reputation and it can be lost in the snap of your fingers. It can prove to be difficult to get back and word travels fast.

 What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen while bouncing?

 Man, Jesus, wild good or wild bad? Both? It ties into what I said about people being from all over, different people bring different sets of problems. One of the funniest things I’ve seen was my buddy drag a guy out a bar (he was taking a piss in a utility closet) and he dragged him out the entire bar with dudes’ dick still in his hand. It was fuckin’ hilarious. I was dying laughing. Another guy I worked with would consistently catch homeless people having sex behind the bar. Once every couple weeks it would happen and nobody else would catch them, but him. Obviously there’s bad though I’ve seen people shot, people claim they were going to kill me, guns pulled on me, all kinds of crazy shit. When you get in that position you got to do what you got to do, and I’ll just leave it at that, but I’ve had to react to those situations. Edgewood’s a fickle bitch. It could be a great night tonight and the next night not so much.

 What’s the best way to get a bouncer to let you skip the line, or just overall get on your good side?

 Here’s the deal that a lot of people don’t understand. If a guy’s been coming in and spending money for 4 or 5 years, consistently bringing friends, being a consistent presence, he’s going to get a little more leeway then the guy who’s here for the weekend. The keyword being: consistent. If you’re consistent we’ll fuck with you. But it takes a while to build that relationship, it don’t happen overnight. You can pay some bouncers, hit them with a handshake with a 20 spot or more depending on how deep the line is and you’re good, you know “pay your weigh”. But again, don’t be fake.  We are paid to observe, we are paid to watch, we know everybody. It don’t take but a couple phone calls or key questions to the right folks to find out who you are, what you do, where you’re from and what you’re about. We will find out. But at the end of the day just respect the gig and stop looking at us as paid thugs or paid muscle. That’s not what we’re about.  I know a lot of guys that are willing to take a bullet for this guy or girl they don’t even know, or even like, because they take the job seriously. Be courteous, be genuine, be 100 and be consistent. Do that and we’ll look out, make sure you don’t get your ass beat, and have a good time.

 What’s the worst thing you can do to try and get a bouncer to do what you want?

 Oh man, it depends on what you want, but the short answer is to piss us off. Honestly I’ve let people skip lines or get in when we should’ve waited just off the strength of them being a breath of fresh air after having dealt with the last past 20 assholes, just as a small reward. First off, you’re not going to scare us, we’ve seen it all, and are prepared to go as far as we need to go.  I gauran-damn-tee we do it more often than you do. Don’t ever try to fight a bouncer; you will lose, every time, I promise. I have never seen anybody win a fight against a bouncer and even if you did get one, his buddies are going to beat the shit out of you. Don’t do it. It’s a horrible idea. Don’t make a scene, telling me how much money you’re willing to spend, who you are, and where you’re from. All that’s going to make me do is tell everybody that if I see this guy in here then Hell better have frozen over. This guy will stand outside until Father Time himself dies of old age. He ain’t coming in. Or I’ll make sure if you do get in you have a shitty time because you’re a shitty person and that’s what you deserve.

  Isaac Barber is a multi-media absurdist that you can follow for more glorious nonsense on IG @absurdist_avocado

#edgewood atlanta joystick theblueflame bouncer interview underground