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#bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them
strwbrymlkshake
ยท
1 year
Text
I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do ๐
#mine
#๐ธ
#DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an
#ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao
#First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off
#But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me
#i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere
#i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3
#but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way
#but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous
#at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like
#a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes
#but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so
#bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them
#because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a
#good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to
#BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me??
#and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance
#watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong
#my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that
#feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way ๐ฅฒ WHY
#HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird
#one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing
#where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh
#right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also
#literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?
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