#birmingham2021

[oliver-emrys-photography]

Bears in Trees 2021

It has now been a year since I worked for @bearsintreesofficial at their show last year in July.

I drove the almost forty miles with my dad to Birmingham to be at the venue for six, it didn't set in that I was literally about to meet the people who's music has gotten me through many rough patches for about 5 or six years and the fact that I was about to photograph them even though I had no experience with portraits like, at all. I had just made it through my first year of art college and I was in a rough place to say the least.

Before I had even gotten out of the car I had counted three sensory overloads from being in a city (and the anxiety of what could happen) and I hadn't even made it to the venue. I remember necking a double expresso after I had met Callum and that's where my mind sort of went blank. I ended up getting really sick, I was overwhelmed and dizzy and I could barely form a straight sentence in my head, I remember my das telling me I had nothing to worry about and that I was going to do fine. It was at this time I sort of realised I had jumped deep into the water of realisation. I was sixteen with no experience of professional work. my only camera was a little canon power-shot that I couldn't even change the shutter speed on, I had an anxiety disorder and working on an ASD diagnosis. Needless to say I definitely wasn't the person for the job. I felt too awkward to talk to anyone or even try to get some photos of the band so I just hid in one of the booths on the balcony coughing and crying under the table (not my best moment)

I had another sensory overload whilst the gig was on and I got my first migraine whilst taking the photos and I felt like my head was splitting open, at one point I remember leaning on the wall subtly trying to look like I wasn't on the verge of tears. I genuinely don't remember the rest of the gig

I do remember being outside afterwards, my head was face down on a picnic table afterwards and I couldn't get anything to hydrate me and I could barely grasp onto a sentence. I remember loud music was playing from what was assumed to be a rave happening a couple buildings down. Iain came outside and talked to my dad and I but I cant remember anything but trying to listen and my dad innocently pointing out that they had tape around their shoe (its a vibe dad just roll with it! also sorry Iain if I looked a bit dissociated whilst talking)

I got home at about midnight I remember the orchestral version of 'hallelujah' was on the radio and I softly mumbled the only version i knew (which was admittedly the L'manburg version), and I could barely even make it into bed. I woke up at about noon the next day (insomnia eradicated).

To this day I still hate the photos I took, they are definitely the worst quality I have ever shot and I am still embarrassed at how they came out, and even through this past year has been a huge growth for me, i think it will take a long time to come before I accept them for what they are. I will forever be grateful to Bears in Trees and all they had done for me past and present and I wish them the very best in success and development. I am seventeen (eighteen in a week today) with a lot more confidence and in the words of panic! At The Disco, 'Things have changed for me, but that's okay,'

Anyway, if you haven't listen to Bears in Trees you should definitely check them out!

#bearsintrees #photography #photographers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #original photographers #blog #thiswebsitereallyisjustapretentiousdiaryhuh? #birmingham2021