#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

❝AFTER PARTY❞

pairing : Matt x reader

content warning: none

a/n: here's something for my two dean followers. mwah love u guys. ignore the typos and mistakes and whatever you may find that isn't grammatically correct or doesn't make sense. it's late 🫠

(gif not mine)

"Thanks for coming guys. Drive safely." you smiled, waving at the last group of teenagers before carefully locking the door behind them.

You let out a sigh of exhaustion as you turned around and pressed your back against the door, dreading the cleaning part that had to be done now that the party was over. It was just you and a few of your closest friends now, and cleaning the house always took at least an hour or two, depending on how big the party was and how helpful everyone decided to be. Today looked more like a two-hours cleaning party.

You dragged your body into the kitchen, picking up some empty cups and bottles from the floor as you continued your way outside, looking for said friends.

"Everyone's gone," you stated, waving a red cup in front of them. You raised your eyebrows at their reaction, a huff escaping your lips when they groaned. They were all gathered around the pool, most of them not exactly sober. "Come on. At least help me with the living room, i'll take care of the kitchen." you offered and they eventually obliged, helping you with the living room.

Everything was all over the place. Red cups thrown everywhere but in the trash, beer bottles on every piece of furniture, bags of chips on the tables and the smell of cigarettes lingering in every room. You even had to throw away a vase that your aunt had gifted to your family, having found it shattered on the floor.

You kept a mental note to buy a new one first thing in the morning; hopefully your parents wouldn't notice.

It wasn't until an hour later that you decided to treat yourself with a well deserved break and go have a swim in the pool since it was awfully hot inside, and you'd barely been outside today. Besides you were exhausted and no one seemed really motivated to help except from Matt and your best friend so you thought a little break wouldn't hurt anybody.

You made your way to the back and began peeling your clothes off down to your swimsuit, rolling your eyes as you spotted a girl still passed out on the lounge chair opposite the pool. Looks like you'll have to get the spare room ready for a stranger on top of all that.

You sat on the edge of the pool, your legs dangling in the water and adjusting to the cool temperature. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes, feeling yourself grow more and more tired by the minute. But then again, you still had a long night ahead of yourself.

"Giving up already?" you heard someone say from behind you, immediately recognizing the voice. You looked over your shoulder, smiling.

"Just taking a break." you replied. Matt came up next to you, placing a kiss on your temple as he sat. "Is my living room clean yet?" you raised an eyebrow playfully, resting your chin on his shoulder and placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

"They're not so motivated." Matt chuckled, nodding in direction of the living room window. You followed his gaze and spotted your friends sprawled on the couch, scrolling through their phones or resting: You sighed, shoulders dropping.

"Matt, my parents are going to kill me if they find out about this, we really need to clean everything up before they get back." you told him, shooting another worried glance towards the house.

"When are they coming back?" he slipped off the edge and into the water, moving so he was in front of you.

"Around 10am tomorrow." you replied. Matt stamped a kiss to your knee, then placed a matching one on the other leg.

"We'll be done by then." he promised. "You coming in?"

You nodded then eased yourself inside the pool, wincing slightly at the temperature. It wasn't particularly cold, but a quick shower would've made the transition easier. Once your body had accommodated you slid your arms around Matt's neck, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm never doing this again." you sighed, pulling him closer as you nuzzled your face in his neck.

"Doing what?"

"Hosting a party at my house. I don't know how you do that every weekend, it's fucking exhausting and stressful." Matt chuckled.

"You get used to it."

You smiled in response, letting a comfortable silence settle between you. Matt brought a hand to your head, the feeling of his fingertips on your scalp making your eyes heavy.

"I'm so tired." you murmured out, gently leaning against him, not having the energy to hold yourself up.

"Why don't you head back inside and get some rest? I'll take care of everything."

"No, it's late and you have a gig tomorrow. There's a lot left to do and everyone's probably going to leave soon, I wanna stay and help."

"Don't worry about me, love. I told you, i'm used to it. And believe me, i've seen way worse." he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and slipped a finger under your chin in the process, gently lifting your face up. You pouted, leaning forward to kiss him and sighing softly against his lips.

"Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

"Alright then." you eventually agreed, too tired to argue. Matt pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head, making you sigh contently.

“Just give me a few more minutes.” you replied, snuggling closer to him. "I just wanna be here with you right now.”

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

❝SOBER❞ (pt1)

pairing: Matt x reader

content warning : none

request: what if you went to one of matt’s parties but you two are the only sober ones and end up chatting all night, making fun of everyone and just having a good time together 🥺

a/n: this is an entirely rewritten version of 'Sober' which I first posted in 2020. two years later and im still hopelessly in love with him bye || wc: 1,4

"You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" was playing loudly as you pulled into the parking lot, the speaker bass so heavy you could already feel the vibrations inside your car. Colorful leds were flashing from the windows, the bright colors illuminating the otherwise dark and quiet neighborhood.

You parked your car far enough from the house before getting out and walking up to the porch, faking a smile or two on your way as you walked by groups of partygoers, some of them chatting with one another, others smoking.

As soon as you set a foot inside you were greeted by a crowd of drunk teenagers, the strong smell of sweat and alcohol invading your nostrils in an instant. People were all over each other, drinking and dancing carelessly, the living room was packed to the brim with barely enough room to take a proper breath of air. You groaned as you bumped into a couple making out, already starting to get a little moody.

Oh, this was going to be a very long night.

“Y/N!”, you jumped as Nellie suddenly showed up in front of you, thrusting a red cup into your hand.

“Well hello to you too.” you replied with a half-hearted smile, relived to finally see a familiar face yet still upset that you had to be here. You held up your cup for her to take back, shaking your head. “I don’t drink.” you continued as she took a gulp from her own drink, rolling her eyes and shrugging. She was already clearly tipsy.

“Loosen up, babe! Have fun! A little alcohol never hurt anybody.” She shouted over the music and you laughed before taking a small sip of the strong smelling liquid, your face immediately contorting in disgust. “God, what’s in there?” You coughed as the liquid burned a fiery trail down your throat.

Before you could get your answer, Nellie was distracted by another voice coming from behind you and within the next second her boyfriend walked past you, pressing his lips hard against hers. Before you knew it they were practically making out in front of you and Nellie was being dragged away without a glance back, leaving you to stand there awkwardly with your glass of god-knows-what in hand. You loved Nellie dearly, but her affinity for partying was a downside to your friendship. You hated parties and big gatherings, much preferring the quiet of your home with a maximum of three people over. Meanwhile Nellie seemed to live off of chaos.

Sighing, you pushed your way through the crowd and entered the kitchen — which was thankfully not as crowded as the rest of the house, then proceeded to pour the liquid from your cup down the drain. You decided to check inside the fridge instead, wishing to find anything that wasn’t alcohol.

“Looking for something?” a voice asked close to your ear. You whipped around and gasped, your hand flying to your chest.

“Jesus— you scared me!” you exclaimed, making the boy laugh.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m Matt.”

“Y/N.” you answered before pouring yourself a cup of orange juice and taking a sip, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“I don’t think i’ve ever seen you at any of my parties before. First time?”

His words caught your attention, your eyebrows raising in curiosity.

“This is your party?” you said, a hint of judgement in your tone. Matt frowned, his smile fading slightly as he nodded.

"I'm sorry." you apologized, noticing his sudden change of expression. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I was just surprised. But yeah, this is my first time. Parties aren’t really my scene. I wouldn’t be here if my friend hadn’t mentioned the food.” you joked, hoping to make up for your harsh tone. Thankfully, it did get a laugh out of Matt.

If it was under any other circumstances, you would've already excused yourself and walked away to find your friends. You weren't the type to strike a conversation with a stranger but for some reason, Matt didn't really feel like one. He wasn’t invasive, nor was he saying or asking anything inappropriate that would make you feel uncomfortable as the conversation went on. He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy and was easy to talk to, so you let your guards down easily.

You found out early in the conversation that you both had a common interest in music and you were surprised to hear that he was actually the lead singer in a band and that the first gig from their tour was to be held the next day, hence his restrain from drinking.

You were about to ask for more details but before you had the chance to do so, you were cut off by a familiar voice calling your name.

“Y/N/N…” Nellie came up to you with yet another cup full of alcohol in her hand and you laughed as she stumbled on her feet, swearing under her breath. “You finally came!” she slurred. The high heels she was wearing were doing little to nothing to help her up. She threw her arms around your neck, the sudden weight of her body on you making you stumble back.

“Oh— wow. Okay." you chuckled. "We've seen each other already, Nells."

“What?” she exclaimed, her eyebrows furrowing dramatically as she drew back.

Her lipgloss was smeared all over her mouth, and her hair was a proper mess. You grasped her arms so she didn't fall back, helping her keep her balance. "Yeah. About half an hour ago."

She stared at you in confusion, racking her brain to remember when exactly did the two of you first interact. Matt laughed from beside you, and that didn’t go unnoticed by the girl.

"Hey, what’s so funny? And who even are you?" she mumbled, taking a step closer to Matt and pointing a finger at his chest, bringing the red cup to her lips with her other hand.

Right at this moment, Nellie's sister came up behind her, grabbing her shoulders.

“Hey, I think you’ve had enough fun for today.” she interrupted. “It’s nice to see you here, Y/N. Sorry about her, I’m glad you could make it!” she called before dragging Nellie out of the kitchen, ignoring her whiny complains.

As soon as they were out of sight you turned to Matt, an amused smile on your lips.

“That was my best friend.”

-

The rest of the night wasn't as bad as you expected it to be, mostly thanks to Matt. In fact, everything was going perfectly fine until you were suddenly and roughly pushed aside by one of the guests who barely made it to the kitchen sink on time to fill it up with puke.

Gasping, you quickly moved from your spot to get as far away from him as possible then stared down at your top, feeling the cold liquid of your drink soak through the fabric.

The boy began to apologize profusely as he turned on the faucet, frantically trying clean his mess while Matt stood behind him, scolding him while he covered his nose and mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. The poor boy eventually left the kitchen after apologizing countless times and you watched as he wobbled out of the kitchen and disappeared into the crowd.

“Shit. I’m so sorry about that.” Matt apologized, motioning to your stained shirt. “Hold on, I’ll get you something you can change into.”

“No! It’s fine Matt, don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal. It'll dry." You grabbed some paper towel from the counter and wet it before starting to wipe off as much of the liquid as you could. “Do you mind if we finish our conversation outside, though?” you continued. “I need to get some fresh air.” you added, your face contorting in disgust from what had just happened, with a mix of amusement as well. Matt immediately agreed, holding his hand out for you to take. You smiled as you took it, allowing him to lead you out of the kitchen and into the backyard where the two of you spent the rest of the evening.

Maybe coming to this party wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

❝better things❞ - matthew connelly

WARNINGS : nsfw I guess? just two people making out and mention of a boner but no smut

A/N: it's short... but it's something! it's been a while since i wrote something for matthew that isn't pure angst lmao

•••

“Why are you wearing my hoodie?” Matthew asked as you entered the living room, a light frown crossing his face. It was a funny question to ask considering you wore his clothes all the time but he had been taken aback, not expecting to see you with so little clothes on. You legs were bare, his green hoodie just barely covering the area below your waist. You walked over to sit beside him on the couch, resting your head on his shoulder.

“It's comfy." you answered. "You know I prefer your clothes over mine.” you said, earning a chuckle from him. "Do you mind?" you continued, looking up at him.

Matthew looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it. Finding his silence odd, you raised your eyebrows expectantly.

"What is it?"

He cleared his throat, shifting a bit in his seat although not taking his eyes off his video game.

"Kearney and Rez are coming over today."

"I know they are. Your house is basically theirs at this point." you snorted, rolling your eyes before continuing. "Relax. I don't plan on walking around in my underwear all day. That's for you only." you smirked, nudging his arm.

Matthew laughed and paused the game to steal a quick kiss from you, the sweet attention making you smile. You raised a hand to stroke his cheek, pecking his lips again.

"It looks good on you. You should keep it." he said.

"Really?" you exclaimed, smiling up at him. "You'd let me have it?"

He hummed in confirmation and with a little more small talk and one last kiss to your lips, Matthew pressed play on the controller. You moved into a better position, staying close to him while your hand moved to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. You focused on the tv screen, frowning as you tried to figure out the purpose of that stupid gun game he was playing. Judging by the violence of it, you guessed it was one of those Kearney had lent him.

Minutes went by, groans and complains rapidly taking over the silence as Matthew grew frustrated with it.

"You're pretty shit." you teased, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes as his character got killed for the fourth time in a row.

"Fuck off." he mumbled in mock annoyance at you, groaning as he dropped the controller onto the couch and rubbed his face with his hands. "I'd like to see you try."

"No thanks," you exclaimed, suddenly moving from your position to straddle his lap. "I've got better things to do with my time." you whispered, holding his cheeks and bringing him in for a kiss before he even had the chance to process what was happening. He let out a surprised moan against your lips then kissed back almost immediately.

His hands came to rest on your waist as you made out, sometimes letting them wander up the skin of your back or down to your thighs, the game that kept him busy few minutes ago already long forgotten. It was playful and light, often interrupted with giggles and soft moans when he would give your ass a squeeze or slip a hand underneath the hoodie to massage your breasts and swipe his thumbs over your nipples.

Eventually you grew out of breath from the kiss and pulled back to focus on his neck instead. Your fingers threaded through his hair, lips trailing along his skin at the same time and leaving wet spots behind them. This whole time you had to fight the urge to leave marks; as much as you wanted to cover him with them, you didn't want him to deal with Kearney's bullshit teasing. Poor boy would already have to hide the growing bulge in his pants, that was more than enough. So you contented yourself with kissing his sweet spots and nibbling at the skin to get a reaction out of him.

You smiled in satisfaction when he breathed out a moan, a softly spoken 'fuck, come here' slipping from his lips as one of his hands came behind your neck to pull you in for another kiss, the both of you moaning into it.

You would’ve been happy to go on forever, but the sound of three loud knocks on the door forced you apart. As you pulled away Matthew reached for more, but you only allowed him one peck before you got up from his lap.

"Gotta go change." you winked, adjusting the hoodie on yourself before making your way to your room, leaving your flustered boyfriend behind you.

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

MAIN MASTERLIST

𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐌/𝐓𝐕

• STRANGER THINGS

• MISCELLANEOUS

𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐒 (𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘)

• DEAN-CHARLES CHAPMAN

• BEN HARDY

• FINN COLE

• SYDNEY SWEENEY

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— 1k celebration blurbs: Masterlist

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⚠️ Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters I write for.

#masterlist #fanfic #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #blueeyeddean #matt x reader #ben hardy imagine #smut #billy x reader #the maze runner masterlist #1917 x reader #miles heizer x reader #alex standall x reader #13 reasons why imagines #13 reasons why x reader #dunkirk x reader #archive

[blueeyedheizer]

stand up for me - matt

WARNINGS: none. quite frankly i didn't put much effort into this one,,,sorry if it's bad

A/N: this might be one of the last, if not the last dean fic i'm posting. :( I will gladly keep including his characters in my blurb events because I still love writing for him, but I don't think i'll write any more lengthy fics for him (unless i'm feeling really inspired). Anyway. I hope you enjoy this last, short one <3

•••

"See, that's what you call real music. Not the sort of shite my son sits listening to in his room." Rob said, pointing a finger at his son in a mocking manner before turning back to Javed.

The latter had just recently discovered himself a newfound passion for Bruce Springsteen's music and his best friend's dad was visibly very supportive of it, taunting his son about his own music taste in return.

"Now, look, you're a clever boy. Educate him!" he continued.

"He's beyond help. He thinks synths are the future."

You giggled along with them as they burst in a fit of laughter, though you hadn't been paying much attention to what had been said as you remained focused on your work.

That's why your expression dropped when you glanced on your right and caught sight of Matt; he was clearly distraught, the look on his face making it evident. You suddenly felt guilty for laughing, not knowing whatever they were laughing about was getting to him.

"He's a handsome boy, but he's not happy. Look at him."

Matt's gaze darted between his dad and Javed as they laughed, until he started walking away, too upset to stay around any longer.

"Oh, here we go. Look, son, don't get the hump just because your mate's got taste in music!"

Quickly, you left your stall and tried to follow him, Javed doing the same. But before you could start running, Rob stopped you.

"Y/N, Javed! leave him be, kids. We've got customers to serve."

Javed looked at Matt one last time and eventually nodded reluctantly. You hesitated for a bit but did the same before going back to your stall and questioning Javed about what exactly had just happened.

-

A couple minutes passed and your mind wouldn't shut off about this whole situation. You quickly began to feel bad for letting Matt go without even trying to stop him.

"Jay can you hold that for me?" you handed him a hanger, which he took from you with a curious frown. "I just- I need to talk to him. I'll be right back!" you called as you began running to catch up with Matt, hoping he wasn't already gone.

Thankfully, he was only about to get inside his car when you finally reached him.

"Matt, wait!" you called, slightly out of breath. Matt rolled his eyes as he turned around to face you.

"What do you want?"

"Stay, please."

"Why should I? So they can keep humiliating me for everyone to see? Yeah, thanks, I'll pass." he scoffed.

"They didn't mean it, Matt."

"Oh trust me, my dad means every single word he said." he told you, his voice breaking towards the end. Your face softened and you reached for his arm, only for him to jerk it away. "And you didn't seem to disagree with him."

"I wasn't listening, Matt. I only realized they were making fun of you when I saw how upset you looked." you explained truthfully. "You know i've always been supportive of everything you do, especially when it comes to your music." You pouted, seeing as he was holding back tears.

You tentatively reached up to cup his face, and this time he didn't try to avoid your touch. Instead he simply looked down and let out a defeated sigh, refusing to meet your eyes.

"I know... I'm sorry. It's just, It's hard to find motivation in doing what I love when my own dad and best friend don't even believe in me."

"Well, I do. I believe in you so much. And i'm sure they do too, they probably just don't know how to show it." you assured him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you spoke while his hands came to rest on your hips. "Jay feels awful about what happened." you continued. "He got excited about your dad understanding his love for Springsteen and didn't think his words through."

"That still doesn't give him the right to treat me like shit. I've been standing up for him my whole life, I was hoping he'd be the one to do it for me this time." he mumbled, sulking.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry he upset you." you sighed and pecked his lips once, twice, before kissing him deeply, your fingers weaving into the hair at the nape of his neck. Then you pressed your forehead against his for a quiet moment.

"Come on, we should get back. We need that money if we want to move in together." you reminded him, smiling before kissing him again sweetly. "Let that motivate you."

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

a year later - matt

WARNINGS: nsfw-ish?? just a mention of sex towards the end and lots of making out

A/N: ok ok ok i know i said i wouldn't write for dean anymore but today is september 3rd and therefore...... it's matt's birthday!! 🥰 this is more like a short blurb than a proper fic but you know i had to write something for his birthday. (yes, i love him THAT much and i've been waiting for this day like a kid would wait for christmas lmao) enjoy, and happy birthday to the love of my life xx

++ the title and last paragraphs are a reference to this blurb, this can be read as a 'one year later' sequel 😛

•••

“Do you know where he is?” you questioned James as he led you further inside the house. The smell of alcohol and smoke filled your senses in an instant and the music blaring from the speakers was so loud you could feel it in your chest. You grimaced as you walked by a drunk couple making out, feeling more and more out of place.

The things I do for him, you thought.

"He was in the kitchen doing shots the last time I saw him. He's probably wasted by now." James chuckled. You rolled your eyes playfully, smiling.

"I wouldn't expect it to be any other way. Hey, i'm going to bring this upstairs. I'll see you later?" you told him, referring to the wrapped gift in your hand.

"Sure. And try to have fun yeah?" he told you, knowing parties like these weren't exactly your scene. You nodded with a soft smile and he pulled you in for a quick hug before walking away, disappearing into the crowd.

-

Setting the small box on Matt's bed, you glanced at your surroundings and chuckled to yourself. His room was so messy you could barely walk in it; his bed was barely made, the blanket thrown carelessly over the mattress while a pile of clothes, some magazines and a hairbrush sat on top of it.

You grabbed as much clothes as you could and brought them to the laundry basket in the corner of his room, figuring a bit of cleaning wouldn't hurt.

But before you could do much you were startled by the sound of the door opening, Matt walking in. His head snapped in your direction at the sound of your surprised gasp, his eyes widening.

"Hi." you smiled, dropping the last of his clothes and walking over to him.

"I thought you couldn't make it?" he questioned with a grin, cupping both sides of your face and pecking your lips as he pulled you closer. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your hand running through his hair

"I cancelled my plans. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I missed your birthday party again?" you raised an eyebrow, reminding him of last year's events.

"Mhm. That's fair." he spoke quietly and smirked, your noses brushing.

"Happy birthday baby." you whispered back before leaning in to close the small gap that separated your lips.

Matt grabbed your hands and walked you backwards until you fell back on the bed, your lips separating momentarily. You giggled as he pounced on you and kissed you again deeply, making you moan against his lips and melt into the kiss.

You continued like this for a couple minutes, just making out slowly and passionately until you broke the kiss to speak, slightly out of breath.

"James said you've been doing shots, how are you not drunk?" you chuckled.

"I've only had two, for fun. Watching the others do it was a lot more entertaining." he told you, placing a quick kiss to your lips. "Besides the party's only getting started, I can't get drunk so soon."

He leaned down to kiss you again but you pushed him back with a hand on his chest, parting from the kiss again.

"I got you something." you said, pointing at the box right above your head.

"You didn't have to." he smiled.

"I missed your birthday last year, the least I could do this year is get you a gift."

"Yeah...but in your defense you did make it up to me with the best belated birthday sex, and that's worth all the gifts in the world." he whispered cheekily, making you laugh and roll your eyes. You cupped his cheeks, bringing his lips back to yours before whispering.

"How about I give you both this time?"

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧-𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐦𝐚𝐧

► ►  TOM BLAKE

[ Nursing ]; 1,1k words — {You're a nurse during the first World War and take care of an injured and traumatized young soldier.}

[ Touch ]; 0,5k words — {You crave human closeness. <headcanon>}

[ Train Station ]; 1,1k words — {You go to the train station everyday, waiting for the boy you love to come back from war. }

[ ♡ A Little Light ]; 1,1k words — {Two young english soldiers find your hiding spot and, for just a few minutes, all three of you forget about the harsh reality of the outside world.}

[ Comforting You ]; 0,8k words — {How he comforts you when you cry.}

[ Come Back to Us ]; 0,5k words — {You mourn the loss of the most important person in your life.}

[ Delicate ]; 0,6k words — {Tom takes care of you when you're sick}

[ ♡ Middle Of The Night ]; 1,1k words — {Tom is haunted with nightmares and you comfort him as his mind fills with negative thoughts.}

[ Always Have Always Will ]; 0,4k words —{You visit Tom's grave.}

[ Conflicted ]; 0,5k words — {Your long time friend is in love with you...but you're in love with someone else, someone he knows very well.}

[ Home For Christmas ]; 1,5k words — {You're spending christmas with your step family, wishing Tom was here to celebrate with you.}

[ Night Sky ]; 1k words — {You and Tom have a conversation under the stars.}

—Blurbs:

Cooking || Wedding || Pouring Rain || Myrtle’s Puppies

► ►  MATT

[ Sleepless Nights ]; 1,1k words — {Matt hasn't slept in days, prioritising the band over his health - his bandmates ask for your help.}

[ Sober | Part 2 ]; 2,9k words in total — {You meet Matt at a party; you end up being the only sober ones.} updated - rewritten!

[ Bad Blood ]; 1,1k words — {There's bad blood between your families.}

[ Comforting you ]; 0,8k words — {How he comforts you when you cry.}

[ ♡ I’d Like You Better*** ]; 2k words — You and Matt hate each other. You try to ignore his remarks until it all gets too much.

[ Fitting Room ]; 0,5k words — {You struggle with body insecurities.}

[ ♡ Play Pretend ]; 0,8k words — {You and Matt have gotten so great at pretending to hate each other, it's hard to stop.}

[ Rescue ]; 1,2k words — {You attend a gig after a long day, but things don't go as planned. <trigger warning: assault>}

[ Overworking ]; 0,7k words — {The end of the semester is approaching, exam season is around the corner. You're overworking yourself, Matt wants you to take a break.}

[ ♡ Silent Treatment*** ]; 2,1k words — {You and Matt get in a fight, he gives you the silent treatment.}

[ All Over Again | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 ]; 7,2k words in total — {You get in a car accident and forget everything about your life, including your boyfriend.}

[ Good Enough ]; 1,4k words — {You catch your boyfriend cheating.}

[ Little Black Dress ]; 1,9k words — {Your friend drags you to a party despite your protests. She betrays you and encourages Matt to spend seven minutes in heaven with Emma.}

[ Shut Up And Hold Me ]; 0,6k words — {Matt starts an argument, but you don't feel like arguing with him.}

[ ♡ Sound Of Metal ]; 2,1k words — {Matt loses his hearing. <drummer!matt, based on the movie Sound Of Metal>}

[ First Love ]; 1,5k words — {The chronological history of your (love) life.}

[ Stand Up For Me ]; 0,7k words — {Javed upsets Matt by siding with his dad as he taunts him about his musical taste and his band's aspirations.}

[ A Year Later ]; 0,6k words — {You attend Matt's birthday party after having missed it the previous year. < sequel to THIS blurb>}

[ After Party ]; 0,9k words — {summary coming soon}

[ Road To Success ]; 0,8k words — {Matt gets insecure over his songwriting skills and questions the future of his band.}

—Blurbs:

Period Pains || Stormy Night || Record Store || Last Night Together || Teaching You The Guitar

► ►  CASTOR

[ Always ]; 0,8k words — {Castor's sickness gets the best of him; you promise to never leave his side.}

[ Comforting You ]; 0,8k words — {How he comforts you when you cry.}

[ Under Her Wing ]; 4,4k words — {When the Widow and Nathaniel bring Castor to the sanctuary, he becomes your responsibility.}

► ►  MATTHEW CONNELLY

[ Killing Time*** ]; 1,7k words — {Sick of watching him become someone he isn't, you make your boyfriend choose between you and his toxic friends.}

[ Between Us ]; 1k words — {Matthew comes out to you. <bi reader 🏳️‍🌈>}

[ All in The Past ]; 0,6k words — {Matthew is haunted by memories of Kearney and what he did to him.}

[ Better Things ]; 0,7k words — {You're wearing Matthew's hoodie}

— Blurbs:

Meeting Family

#blueeyeddean #smut #fanfic #masterlist

[blueeyedheizer]

first love - matt

WARNINGS: mentions of death

A/N: this is a bit different from my other fics. idk i kinda like it :)

•••

You're 6 years old when you meet Matt. He immediately catches your attention because he's always standing up for this one boy in your class that always gets picked on for being different. You feel bad for him, but you don't say anything in fear of becoming a target as well. You feel even worse for never intervening when other kids call him names, but you're glad that at least, his best friend is always here for him.

*

You're 8 years old when you befriend said kid. His name is Javed. He loves to read and writes lots of poems. He still gets picked on a lot, but this time, you don't stay silent. This leads you to start befriending Matt as well. He's happy that someone finally stands up for his best friend.

By the end of the school year, all three of you are inseparable.

*

You're 10 when you find out Matt has a crush on you. He doesn't know that you know, a friend of yours overhead him during lunch and rushed over to let you know. You think it's cute, but the feeling isn't mutual. You see him as a friend, nothing more. He never brings it up and neither do you. After three month, you assume that he's moved on.

*

You're 13 when you experience your first heartbreak. A boy broke your heart, Matt and Javed are by your side the entire time. Javed writes you a poem to help you feel better. You keep it preciously in your diary and read it again whenever you feel down or need cheering up. Matt isn't as good as Javed with words, so he asks his mum for advice. He ends up making matching friendships bracelets for you, himself and J. Once it's around your wrist, you never take it off.

*

You're 15 when Matt introduces you to his girlfriend. He's already been with girls before, but this time you feel an unfamiliar sting in your heart. The girl is the complete opposite of you, both physically and mentally. He lost his virginity to her. You can't quite figure out why you feel the way you feel, but hearing those words from him feel like a stab in the chest. You'd never felt attracted to him before, so why would that change now?

You think you're falling for him and confide in Javed.

The school year goes by and Matt makes new friends. He starts to distance himself from you and Javed, which hurts the both of you. You don't blame him though, it was bound to happen; you knew that growing up was often associated with parting ways.

*

You're 17 going on 18 when Matt starts a band. He's not interested in studying, he won't go to college the next year. He thinks it's pointless and a waste of time. He wants to focus on what he loves and live off his music.

And amongst the things he loves, there's partying, and girls. Girls love him, and he loves the attention he's getting from them.

You, on the other hand, you hate it.

You watch, jaw clenched as his latest fling clings onto him, her arms wrapped around his neck. Emma is her name. He's already introduced her to his dad. You know it probably won't last long — like most of his relationships — but you’ve wanted him for so long, seeing him with other girls always makes you ache. Knowing you'll never be one of them drives you crazy. Two years of pushing away boys and declining their confessions for someone you'll never have.

"You should tell him." Javed says, snapping you out of your thoughts as he wraps a comforting arm around your shoulder.

"I don't think i'm ready to handle rejection just yet." you chuckle sadly, lowering your gaze when Matt kisses Emma. "I'm such an idiot, J." you sigh. Javed frowns and looks down at you, waiting for you to continue. "Why couldn't I love him when he loved me?"

"Y/N, that was ages ago. We were kids, you can't blame yourself for that. And even if you did love him and got together back then, who says you'd still be together today?"

*

You are 20 when you finally get a hold of yourself and decide it's time to move past the fantasy in your head.

Matt will never love you the way you love him, and there's nothing you can do about it.

With the help of your friends, you open yourself more to the boys that show interest in you, and you eventually start dating here and there - until you settle with an English student at your university. You quickly fall in love with him, Matt slowly but surely leaving your thoughts.

*

Five years later, you hadn't expected to cry when Michael got down on one knee and asked you to be his wife, your arms falling around his neck as you thought to yourself “I can't wait to tell Matt.” 

Matt, your best friend of now 17 years.

You quickly wipe your tears when he approaches you, putting on a smile as he opens his arms for you and engulfs you in a tight hug. You wrap your arms around his neck and sigh contently. In that moment you could’ve sworn you felt the familiar butterflies you used to feel when you were head over heels with him back in your teenage years. After a moment he pulls away and takes your hands in his.

"You're going to ruin your make up." he smiles, reaching to cradle your face between his hands and rub his thumbs under your eyes, wiping away the tears before kissing your cheek softly. You chuckle and look down at your wedding dress, pretending not to notice as he subtly wipes the wetness from the corner of his eye.

"I know, It's just. I guess it just hit me that I'm actually getting married."

To someone I love, but someone that isn't you.

*

You're 27 when you give birth to a gorgeous, healthy baby girl. After 39 long weeks, nearly 30 hours of labor, multiple scares and 10 minutes of pushing, your angel came to the world, promising a wonderful journey ahead.

"She's beautiful..." you whisper, beaming as Lola wraps her tiny hand around your index finger.

"She's got your eyes." your husband whispers as he brushes a thumb over your daughter's cheeks. You nod and reach for his cheek with your free hand, pulling him in for a kiss and resting your forehead against his while happy tears leave the corner of your eyes.

*

But shortly after you turn 30 and your daughter celebrates her 4th birthday, your fairytale turns into a living nightmare.

"I'm so sorry." Matt murmurs against your hair, his arms securely wrapped around your middle from behind. You nod in response, unable to find the strength to let out any word, your throat burning from holding back more tears.

It's been exactly a week since the accident, and two days since the funeral. In the blink of an eye, your happily married life of five years went up in flames and was reduced to a painful memory.

"He didn't deserve this." you murmured numbly, head leaned against Matt's shoulder as he held you. The heat from the fireplace washed over you, your teary eyes fixed on the flames as they flickered.

"I know." Matt answered. You let out a small sigh and closed your tired eyes, allowing more tears to fall as the past ten years of your life with Michael flashed before your eyes.

The day you met.

Your first date.

Your first kiss.

The absolute adoration in his eyes when he saw your daughter for the first time.

"Will you stay with me for a while?" Your voice came out small and slow, just loud enough for Matt to hear.

"I’ll stay for as long as you want me to." he answers and presses a soft kiss on top of your head, your thumb absentmindedly tracing patterns upon his skin as he does. Then you both sit in silence, until you eventually break it.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

You chew on the inside of your cheeks for a moment, trying to find the right words to express your feelings.

"Michael was...my first real boyfriend. He was my first everything. My first kiss, my first time. I'd never been with anyone before him." you pause, feeling your throat start to tighten again. "I'd never really dated anyone before him, because you were the only one I wanted." your voice is slow and unsteady as you speak, eyes never leaving the flames as they crackle a soft glow. Matt stills but stays silent, letting you continue. "I loved Michael. I loved him so much. I still do. He gave me everything a girl could ever dream of. But at the same time, I don't think I ever truly stopped loving you." you admit. "He might have been my first kiss or my first time, but you...even if it wasn't reciprocated, you were my first love."

You finish with a soft sigh and close your eyes again as you wait for his answer, your heart beating fast but feeling lighter after pouring out everything you had kept inside for so long.

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

home for christmas - tom blake

A/N: I don't know how the christmas tradition works for you guys but I based this fic on my personal way of celebrating christmas. we open the presents at midnight on december 25th, I know some people open them in the morning so...yeah anyway, enjoy <3

•••

"I'll be home for christmas, I promise."

You read the words over and over, letting your thumb run across the black ink as tears began to well up in your eyes.

With a shaky inhale, you stood and made your way to the kitchen, carefully putting the paper back in the small box where you kept all of Tom's letters on your way.

You needed to keep your brain occupied, so you decided to bake some cookies that you would bring to Tom's mum for tonight. Ever since Tom and Joe had been sent to fight, the holiday seasons were bittersweet for both families. Celebrating Christmas when your son, boyfriend, husband or brother was on the other side of the world fighting a war was never easy. So when Thomas' mum invited you and your family over for Christmas, you didn't think twice and agreed immediately. They were like a second family to you, and as much as you didn't feel like celebrating this year, you wanted to be there for them. Plus, you knew Joe's wife and kids would be there as well, so they all understood what you were going through.

You couldn't help but let a few tears slip as you remembered your last Christmas with Tom. He had sacrificed all his savings to get you a gorgeous pair of diamond tear drops earring; it became one of your favorites and you quickly began to wear it at almost every occasion. Christmas used to be your favorite holiday, but now it felt like any other day. You were stuck in your house while Thomas was on the other side of the world, not knowing wether or not he would still be alive by the end of the day.

There was nothing to celebrate.

---

"Careful with the presents!" you yelled from the kitchen, seeing as your little cousin shook the wrapped presents rather forcefully in hopes to figure out what was inside. There was only thirty minutes left until Christmas and to say the kids were overexcited would be an understatement. The younger ones were running around the house and trying to convince you to open them earlier, while their slightly older siblings and cousins sat near the tree, trying to find their own presents amongst the pile of them. The adults were all sitting around the table in the living room, catching up on everything while you and Joe's wife Linda helped with the dessert in the kitchen.

"Mommy, can we open the presents now?" Tom's nephew asked as he ran towards his mother, tugging at her dress to get her attention.

"Not now honey. You've got to wait 30 more minutes." the small boy pouted and you watched him with a smile as he crossed his arms across his chest to show his frustration. He turned his attention to you and ran to your side, hugging your legs as he looked up at you.

"Please auntie Y/N!"

"You heard your mummy." you shrugged, giving him a sympathetic smile. The small boy pouted before reaching for the table and stealing a few chocolate candies from the bowl and running off with it.

"Don't eat too much candies, John. You don't want to get a stomach ache before opening your presents!" his mum calls after him and he turns around to stick his tongue out, causing you to smile. Everyone seemed genuinely happy despite the circumstances, which warmed your heart.

"I blame that stubbornness on his dad." Linda laughed before glancing towards you. Her smile faded slightly as she noticed that you didn't seem as happy as everyone else was. Your small smile barely hid your pain. "How are you holding up?" she murmured sweetly.

You only shrugged in response.

"I miss him a lot." she gives you a sympathetic smile and rubs your shoulder comfortingly.

"He'll be home before you know it."

---

Soon enough, the clock strikes midnight and you all gather around the Christmas tree and begin exchanging presents. The kids are quick to rip the nicely wrapped presents and the house soon fills with their excited squeals as they show off their new toys.

After about 20 minutes, all of the presents have been opened and the kids are already playing with everything Santa left for them. You noticed that Tom's mum had been absent for most of the presents exchanging, which you thought was quite strange considering that she loved being there when the kids opened their gifts. When you told Linda about it, she told you that she went upstairs to get some rest. It was understandable after all, she probably wasn't in the mood to celebrate knowing that her sons were somewhere in the world fighting a war while everyone else was celebrating.

But after a moment she walked back into the living room, holding a small envelope in her hands. You frowned as everyone gathered around you and she took a sit next to you before handing the letter to you.

"I forgot to give that to you." she says with a warm smile.

"What is it?"

"Well open it, darling."

Slowly, you opened the envelope and unfolded the paper that was inside, immediately recognising the handwriting. Your eyes began to tear up as you read.

"Dear Y/N,

I know these past few months have been particularly hard for you, and I'm so sorry I haven't been able to spend the holidays with you. I know how important this time of the year is to you, and to both of our families. I miss you so incredibly much, I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms. Hopefully this is our last year spent apart from each other.

PS: I do have a present for you. Mum knows what to do, just follow her instructions.

Merry Christmas my love.

Yours, Tom."

You wiped a tear from your cheek and looked up, meeting his mum's eyes. You bit your bottom lip and smiled.

"What is it, the present?"

"Put this on and close your eyes." The older woman said as she handed you her knitted shawl.

"What?" you chuckled.

"Come on, put it on. I wouldn't want you to catch a cold." she insisted, smiling as she took a hold of your hand. You frowned and glanced at everyone around you before doing as you were told. Then, she grabbed both your hands and led you somewhere, not very far from the spot you were sitting in. You realized you were standing at the front door when you heard it open and were hit with a sudden wave of cold.

"Are you kicking me out of the house?" you joked. You could hear whispers, small gasps and giggles coming from everyone around and you frowned, smiling as Tom's mum let go of your hands and put hers over your eyes instead.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

She pulled her hands from your eyes, and you slowly opened them to see the one face you'd been dying too see for all these months.

You gasped, jaw dropping as you took a step back out of shock, your hands flying to your mouth while hot tears flowed down your cheeks. Tom was standing at the door with a smile, a bouquet of roses in hand as he opened his arms for you.

You let out a heavy sob and threw your arms around him, holding him close as you sobbed on his shoulder. He handed the bouquet to his mum so that he could hold you properly, allowing him to wrap his arms around you and hold you closer than he ever had before whilst one of his hand cradled the back of your neck. He muttered sweet nothings in your ear as you sobbed, his own eyes starting to water up. After a minute or so you pulled back only enough to be able to cup his cheek and kiss him deeply. You weren't usually one for PDA, but at this very moment you couldn't care less.

"You’re here.” you whispered, resting your forehead against his. "You're really here."

"I promised I'd be home for Christmas, didn't I?" he smiled through his tears before pecking your lips again. You nodded and pulled him back to you, just wanting to hold him again and never let go.

"Did you all know about this?" you eventually asked, finally pulling away. Everyone nodded and you could see that most of them were crying or fighting back tears of joy.

"You have no idea how hard it was to keep this a secret." Tom's mum said before sighing in relief, her hands moving to her face to wipe away her tears. With a smile, she walked over to her son and pulled him in for a tight hug, which he gladly returned.

You clung back onto him as soon as they parted, wrapping your arms around him as his own wrapped securely around your waist. He kissed the top of your head before lifting your chin up to kiss you sweetly.

"Merry Christmas my love."

#blueeyeddean #blake

[blueeyedheizer]

under her wing - castor

WARNINGS: sickness, mention of needles, talks of death, violence

A/N: holy shit. I've had this fic in my WIPs for officially a year now. 🥴 It kinda sucks that no more than 5 people are going to read it but oh well... you get used to it 😂 It's my longest fic so far (4,4k words) I hope it isn't too confusing for those who haven't seen the show, I tried to keep it light on the characters and specific words used in the show. Some parts (ending included) might be a bit rushed cause in all honesty, i lost interest in this fic and ran out of inspiration so...yeah sorry about that but I really wanted to post it anyway :)

•••

"The boy's loyalty is impressive. But he's getting worse, and we're getting nowhere." you heard Nathaniel say as you placed a cold cloth on the boy's forehead, hoping for his fever to cool down a bit. You couldn't help but let your eyes explore his features as you took care of him. A couple of scars traveled across his cheeks, and his neck was covered in black veins contrasting with his pale skin. His eyes were closed, but you remembered them being some of the brightest blue you'd ever seen. He looked almost delicate despite the ferocity of his soul. Your eyes then wandered on his chest. About a dozen needles were pierced on it. The Widow said they were a necessary precaution, as the gift made him dangerous. You dipped the cloth back in the cold water before spreading it over his forehead again.

"I take it my regeant has a suggestion." the Widow continued, interrupting the small silence that had filled the room.

"Cut off his head, and send it to Pilgrim. Punishment for raiding the camp." your head shot right up.

"What?!" you left the boy's side to face Nathaniel, a look of horror on your face. "He's just a boy, Nathaniel. We're absolutely not killing him." you spat, emphasizing on 'absolutely not'. The room went silent for a moment and you scoffed, averting your eyes from Nathaniel to glance at the Widow. "Mother, say something!" you pleaded, throwing your arms in the air to show your frustration. She remained silent for a moment, pacing around as she thought of an alternative.

"We could use the boy's devotion as a weapon to weaken Pilgrim."

"The man's a zealot, we need to send a clear message."

"I won't let you do that, Nathaniel. Everything doesn't always have to be solved with cutting heads off. You'll have to find another way." you crossed your arms over your chest, well determined not to let him have the last word on this. The Widow's pacing came to a stop and she sighed.

"We're keeping him here for now until he gets better." she continued, looking at you. "If he ever does. But he's under your responsibility."

-

The same day, Cressida showed up to the Sanctuary and, as expected, threatened to attack if the boy wasn't given back to Pilgrim. After lots of talking, arguing and being on the verge of fighting, all four of you eventually agreed on a deal. Three of the widows' Butterflies were to be temporarily sent into Pilgrim's army in exchange for you to keep the boy and take care of him for a strict amount of time. 4 months, nothing more, nothing less. And if the boy dies in your hands, the Butterflies die with him.

You were the one who suggested the deal in the first place. You saw Minerva and Nathaniel's eye widen when the words left your mouth, but you felt like this had to be done. Something about the boy was intriguing, and you needed to know more about him.

The Widow had given you the order to take him to the small spare room she had originally got built to keep M.K. locked. You were against the idea of locking him up at first, but you couldn't push aside the fact that he was a Dark One, therefore much stronger than you and a potential danger to you and everyone else.

You let him get some well deserved rest and came back two hours later to check up on him.

Unlocking the door, you stepped inside before carefully locking it again behind you and walking towards him. He was finally awake, lids still half closed as his sickness got the best of him, tiring him out mercilessly. You stared at him for a moment before speaking up.

"How are you feeling?" he didn't answer. Not with words anyway. But his cold, hard glare told you that he wasn't planning on getting friendly with you. You took a sit on a chair nearby, resting your forearms on your lap.

"Tell me. How does Pilgrim control your gift? I saw him turn it off." you stated, your eyes meeting his.

"You think you know about the gift? About us? You know nothing." he spat. "Pilgrim was chosen."

"By whom?"

"By Azra." You stayed silent for a moment and frowned, stunned by how brainwashed he seemed to be.

"There's no such thing as Azra." You barely managed to get those few words out before he suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you down in one swift movement, rolling over and pinning you to the bed, the side of his forearm over your throat as his other hand held a blade flat against your cheek leaving you helpless.

"You know nothing about us, about Azra. About what we're fighting for." he insisted, speaking through gritted teeth.

"I may not know everything...but there is nothing beyond the Badlands." you retorted, your heart accelerating. You were well aware that the knife was still dragging across your cheek yet you were brave enough to let the words out. "This is the only ground left on earth. This...thing Pilgrim calls a safe haven, it doesn't exist. He's lying to you." You hissed, crying out when the blade pierced your skin slightly. "What do you think will happen when you're gone? He's using you, because he's nothing without your power." you continued. You could feel your face start to redden from the lack of oxygen "Just think about it." you whispered, his eyes staring dead into yours. You swallowed thickly, trying to turn your face away from the knife.

"He already found my replacement." The tone of his voice caused your expression to soften slightly. He seemed defeated, it was as if he knew his life was already over and the only thing he kept fighting for was his faith in this so called safe haven. You could tell his hands were shaking, and he was having a hard time holding himself up with his arms. A few more seconds passed by and the pressure on your throat loosened, allowing you to breathe somewhat properly again.

"I'm just trying to help." you continued in a much softer tone. "Your fever's getting worse, you won't make it if we let you go now. So please, let me help you."

Before any of you could move, you were interrupted by a shout of your name. Nathaniel and Minerva suddenly burst in the room and within just a few seconds Nathaniel had Castor on the floor with both hands around his neck.

"Nathaniel stop!" you managed to scream as you sat up and held your throat, trying to catch your breath. Nathaniel wouldn't let go, his grip on Castor tightening as he fought to free himself from his grip. You jumped from the bed, landing on the older man's back, trying to push him off the boy. "Enough!" you screamed. "Let go of him!"

"He was trying to kill you, Y/N !" Nathaniel retorted, finally letting go of him.

"I had everything under control!" you said as you helped Castor on his feet, letting him hold onto you for support. You glanced at him and had to fight back a gasp as you noticed his state.

"You're bleeding..." you said as you moved your hands to his cheek, lifting his face up to inspect the source of the bleeding. "Lay back down. Come on." He was shaking, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead as he coughed. He reluctantly complied, laying back on the bed and wiping the blood off his nose.

As soon as the boy was laid back, the Widow placed a hand over your shoulder, turning you around so you could face her.

"Are you okay, did he hurt you?" she asked as she cupped your face, inspecting the small cut on your cheek, but you swiftly pushed her hand away.

"I'm fine."

"Y/N, you have to understand—"

"Look at him, for God's sake!" you suddenly yelled, startling everyone in the room. "Look at him, and tell me this boy currently has enough strength to actually hurt me." you spoke more calmly this time as you pointed to Castor. The single effort of holding himself up above you had drained him of his strength. He was breathing heavily with his eyes closed, his cheeks wet from both sweat and a few tears that had escaped the corner of his eyes. Minerva and Nathaniel were rendered speechless as they both stared at you, not knowing what to say. They didn't seem to understand why you were so invested in taking care of him, and to be completely honest, you didn't know either. There was just something about him that made you want to keep him safe.

You shook your head and scoffed before walking over to the bed and grabbing the wet cloth from the bowl, spreading it back over Castor's forehead.

-

The next day, you decided to pay him a visit early in the morning. You had woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, your mind constantly going back to him. You had so many questions. What was this safe haven he told you about? Was there actually something beyond the Badlands? Why was the Gift so harmful to him if he was born with it? Your brain simply wouldn't shut off.

You greeted him politely as you opened the door to the small room, once again making sure to close it behind you.

"You can't keep me here forever." he said, not bothering with niceties. "Pilgrim will come for me. And when he does you won't live another day." the boy spat through gritted teeth, causing you to chuckle slightly. You ignored him.

"Did you get any sleep?" no answer. "I'm not your enemy, you know." you said, looking at him over your shoulder as you sterilized a needle. "I mean, technically, I am. But I really don't want to be."

"You knocked me out and kidnapped me."

"I also saved your life. And for the record, you punched me in the chest until I was left coughing blood on the floor. That makes us even." you continued. "Why don't you tell me your name?" you asked. Cressida had already mentioned his name but you wanted him to tell you himself, as a sign of trust. He didn't answer though, which caused you to sigh. "Well, I'm Y/N. If it weren't for me your head would be laying at Pilgrim's feet as we speak." he didn't say anything. Instead he pulled harder on the chains that were wrapped around his wrists and started to move around, trying to find a way to free himself.

"You're going to hurt yourself. You should save your strength." you said, flicking the needle before turning around and walking towards him. He fell back on the bed with a defeated sigh and gulped hard, his face contorting in what looked like worry. Or was it fear? You couldn't really tell. He closed his eyes, chest heaving up and down heavily. You frowned when you noticed his sudden change of demeanor. "Hey, hey. Calm down." you tried to bring him some comfort by placing your hand on his forehead, wanting to check his fever at the same time. He clenched his jaw but didn't complain. His forehead was still burning and you tried not to show your concern, not wanting to worry him more than he already was.

"What's in this?" he wondered, nodding towards the needle, the cracking of his voice destroying his attempt at sounding confident.

"Something I hope will help with your fever." your eyes met and you sighed. "Look— the chains weren't my idea. I was against it. But after what happened yesterday the Widow thought that keeping you chained would be safer for me. But I promise I have no intention of hurting you." you spoke. "I might even take them off, if you cooperate. I only want to help you get better." You stated matter of factly. Castor scanned your face in search of any indication that you might be lying, but all he saw was genuine concern. "Do you trust me?" you asked. He stayed silent for a moment before nodding slowly. He was in so much pain, he really had nothing to lose. You nodded your head back at him and moved, ready to stick the needling in his arm. "Ready?"

"Yes."

You smiled softly, trying your best to get him to relax as you prepared the injection site on his shoulder. Castor looked away and winced a little when the needle was inserted, but you were quick to pull it out after it was emptied, the medication being easily injected into his body.

"All done." you smiled as you held a compress on the area, wiping off the tiny spot of blood before throwing it away. "Now get some rest. It'll probably knock you out for a while."

"Wait." he interrupted as you were about to leave, causing you to turn to him.

"My name. It's Castor." you smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, Castor."

-

You came back everyday for the next several weeks, repeating the same process. You tended to his wounds and gave him the medicine he needed to ease the pain caused by the Gift. Castor was still reluctant at first, and it went like this for a couple more days until he warmed up to you and eventually trusted you fully.

It would be safe to say the two of you became close, much closer than either of you would have ever expected.

-

"Y/N, may I speak to you for a moment?" The Widow asked, peeking from the door to your room. You looked up from your book and nodded before motioning for her to come in. She noticed Azra's book in your hands and took a seat across from you. "Can you read it yet?"

"No. Nothing about this book makes sense." you sighed with a shrug, handing it to her. She nodded but didn't say anything. You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms across your chest as you rested your back on the head of your bed. "I suppose this isn't the main purpose of your visit."

"You know Castor won't stay here forever, do you?" she told you.

"I know. Why?"

"You won't see him again once he's gone." she insisted. You sighed softly, rubbing your face with your hands.

"I know that too, Mother."

"I'm not blind to the feelings you have for each other. But I need to make sure you know this thing you two have going on can't and won't last forever." she spoke softly, reaching to take your hand in hers. You nodded and gave her a small smile. There was no point avoiding the topic or lying about it.

-

Castor's recovery was going great, you even started to believe he was close to being completely healed.

But that was until his fever suddenly spiked.

You didn't know how or why it happened so suddenly. One day he was completely fine, the next he was laying almost unconscious on the bed, his breathing uneven as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Y/N...I don't think there's anything else we can do for him." Tilda spoke softly, her hand resting on your shoulder comfortingly.

"Yes. Yes we can. We need to bring a doctor, they'll know what to do. This is what we should've done since the beginning." you spoke firmly, applying a cold cloth on his forehead, your own breathing becoming uneven as your anxiety grew.

Castor whined and mumbled something unintelligible as more tears fell down his cheeks. He slowly moved his head to the side, his tired eyes meeting yours, silently begging you to make the pain go away.

"You're gonna be okay. I'm right here." you cupped his cheek with your hand, your thumb brushing it softly as you looked back at him, a tear escaping your eye.

"Quinn murdered our only doctor, Y/N. You know that."

"Then bring the doctor's daughter! She'll know what to do." you looked over your shoulder. "Tilda, please, I can't...—" you inhaled deeply, closing your eyes as you spoke. "I can't lose him. Okay?" you admitted in a whisper.

Silence fell in the room, only the sound of Castor's breathing filling it.

"Y/N...I really don't think that's a good idea." Tilda watched you with a pained expression. At those words you tried to keep more tears at bay, but your efforts were vain.

Tilda knew how close the both of you had grown, but most importantly she knew you had already lost way too many people in your life. With a small sigh, she eventually took her final decision before exiting the room.

"I'll see what I can do."

-

[Time skip : two weeks]

As soon as Tilda walked in the room you rushed to her and wrapped your arms around her neck, hugging her tight. She had done everything in her power to get Castor the help he needed, persuading the Window to get in contact with Veil. Both women had a long discussion about it and The Widow had to do a lot of convincing but thankfully, Veil agreed on offering her help.

After days of intense treatment and sleepless nights, Castor was finally out of danger.

"Thank you. Thank you so much for doing this." you whispered, holding her close.

"You're welcome, Y/N. I'm glad he's okay." you smiled at her, nodding before pulling away to give Veil the same grateful embrace.

"Thank you, Veil. I owe you."

"It's nothing. You did a great job at keeping him alive yourself. He probably wouldn't have made it this far without the medicine you gave him." she pulled back and looked over to the sleeping boy next to you. You smiled and nodded slowly, thanking her one last time and bidding her farewell as she left. Tilda followed, leaving you alone with Castor.

You sat on the chair next to his bed and took his hand into yours, holding it while you waited for him to wake up, which he did after about 10 minutes.

"Hey." you smiled, reaching over to cup his cheek, softly stroking his scars. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." he mumbled as he tried to sit up, wincing as he did. His head was still hurting from the heavy medication.

"Hey, easy." you placed a hand on his chest, easing him back down. Castor groaned, eyes closing as his head fell back against the pillow. Moving from your sitting position, you poured him a glass of water and then returned to his side. "Here."

Taking the glass from you, he only took a few sips before already giving it back. After that, a small silence settled between you two.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you murmured. He didn't answer immediately, seemingly deep in thoughts.

"Why are you so good to me, Y/N? When I first got here, you never tried to get revenge for what I did to you. You've always been here for me, taking care of me when I never did anything to deserve half of it. Why?" you smiled, looking down at your hands.

"Because I believe you're not like Pilgrim." You stared at each other in silence for a couple seconds.

"He took care of me when no one else would. He's a good person, Y/N."

At that you chose not to answer, not wanting this to grow into an argument since Castor was always quite defensive when it came to Pilgrim. Instead you just smiled and squeezed his hand, letting him know that he would always have you.

And before you knew it, it was time to let him go.

-

Sitting by the window, you watched as everyone got ready for Pilgrim's arrival.

"Are you okay?" a voice interrupted your thoughts. Nodding, you quickly wiped your wet cheeks and put on a smile, holding your arms close to yourself.

"Yeah."

Castor smiled sympathetically as he took a step closer, crouching in front of you to try and meet your gaze. He was doing much better than the past weeks. His skin had regained its normal color, his eyes were brighter than you'd seen them before. And after a long, exhausting fight, his fever was gone for good, and he was ready to be sent back where he belonged. You lowered your head, only for him to tenderly lift your chin.

"As soon as we find Azra..." he started, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I'll come back for you."

"Castor..."

"I know. I know you think there's no safe haven. But I promise you it's worth believing in."

"Cas...even if you do find Azra, Pilgrim will never let me through. I've never had faith in it, and I still don't. We're supposed to be enemies." you gave him a sad smile, reaching out to brush your thumb over his cheek.

"I'll find a way. You're my family now, Y/N."

You ran a hand through his hair, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to his forehead and nodding against it. Your eyes were tightly shut, a couple tears falling freely.

"Castor, Y/N..." the Widow's voice interrupted. "It's time."

-

You felt Castor's hand brush against yours as you walked side by side, then your fingers intertwined. The two of you walked close to each other, making sure no one could see them.

With one last squeeze, he let go of your hand and walked over to Pilgrim. The older man pulled him into a fatherly embrace, his face filled with relief and gratefulness before pulling away.

"Thank you for taking care of my son and bringing him back to me." Pilgrim spoke, looking at you then the Widow. You nodded politely before glancing over to Castor who was now greeting his sister, Nix. You had to fight back tears as your eyes met one last time. You nodded at him with a bittersweet smile before turning on your heels and walking away.

-

6 months later

It was the third time in three weeks that the Sanctuary had been attacked. You were still completely clueless as to who you were fighting against, but after so many attacks in such a short amount of time they sure had something against the Widow. It was something you were used to though, and you considered yourself lucky that other clans were here to help because without them most of your people would've been dead by now. The losses were heavy this time, though. The enemy had great advantage over you and a dozen of your people along with those from the helping clans had been killed or badly injured.

You were gathering the bodies when you were startled by a familiar voice coming from behind you, causing you to still. You waited an instant before turning around, your eyes searching for the source.

And then you saw him.

"Castor." you breathed out, a smile spreading over your lips as you made your way to him. As soon as you made eye contact you lunged forward, dropping what you were doing and throwing your arms around his neck with a relieved laugh. Castor's arms immediately found their way around your waist wrapping tightly around you as he pulled you close. You pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, your thumb rubbing underneath his eyes and down his cheek, tracing his scars with your fingertips.

"What are you doing here? Why— Why didn't you come back sooner?" you asked in a bittersweet tone.

Your questions were left unanswered as he pressed his lips against yours, his hands immediately moving to cup your face. You were taken aback at first but eventually you gave in, closing your eyes. You lips comfortably moved in sync, allowing the kiss to last for a moment. Now was probably not the best time for this to happen, but you couldn't care less.

"He killed Nix." he murmured after parting from the kiss.

"What?"

"Pilgrim. He killed her." your hand rested on his cheek, stroking it soothingly. He was on the verge of tears, fighting hard to stop them from falling. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, your eyes searching for his. So many questions were running through your head. Why did Pilgrim kill Nix? She was like a daughter to him. Did she betray him? Did Castor come back here to find shelter? However you knew the wound was too fresh for you to start asking questions as his eyes betrayed the pain he was trying to hide.

You looked around yourself to see if anyone needed help, but it seemed like everything was being handled. You locked eyes with the Widow from afar and you exchanged a nod.

"Follow me." you grabbed Castor's hand and led him inside the Sanctuary, locking yourself in a room. As soon as you were away from the chaos you pulled him in for a proper hug, taking a deep breath of relief as you held him close to yourself.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." he murmured, his eyes closing for a moment as he tightened his hold around your waist and finally allowed himself to cry. "You were right about everything." he chuckled sadly, causing you to pull away. "Azra was nothing but a made up lie. If it ever existed, it doesn't anymore. It was wiped out with the Old World." you nodded understandingly before leaning over to press a lingering kiss to his cheek.

"It's not your fault Cas. You couldn't know."

"No, but I could've listened to you."

You smiled sympathetically, caressing his cheeks gently with your thumbs.

"You trusted Pilgrim. He was your family, I wouldn't have expected you to choose me over him." you whispered.

Then a comfortable silence settled between the two of you. Nothing more needed to be said, not yet, you were both happy to have found each other again.

"Have you found another Baron?"

"No, i'm on my own. Nix and I were still looking for one when..." he paused.

"It's okay." you interrupted, cradling his face in your hands and pressing your forehead against his. "You don't have to explain." he nodded, closing his eyes. "You're safe with me now. I promise."

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

all in the past - matthew connelly

WARNINGS: mentions of drug usage, relapsing, spoiler for the book/movie

A/N: this is based on a concept that one of you guys sent me :) sorry it's short and badly written 🥴

•••

"Are you sure you're okay...?" you spoke hesitantly.

You were staying at Matthew's for the weekend. His parents were out of town which meant that he was going to be alone for the next two days. When he told you that, you immediately asked if you could come over, telling him over the phone in a teasing tone that you could use that opportunity to finally spend some alone time together.

But the truth is, although you didn't mind the sex you mostly needed an excuse to be here for him as Kearney's funeral was to be held soon.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." he mumbled, avoiding your gaze. His knee began bouncing up and down nervously as soon as the words left his lips. With a small sigh he ran his hands through his hair, tugging harshly at the roots.

"Hey," You started, moving closer to him on the bed and gently untangling his hands from his hair before bringing them to your lips. "Talk to me, Matthew." He glanced at you and smiled weakly, shaking his head at the same time before slowly withdrawing his hands from yours.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled, bowing his head and squeezing his eyes shut, allowing a tear to fall. You let out a sad sigh and settled behind him to wrap your arms around his body and rest your chin on his shoulder.

"When's the last time you slept?" you asked tentatively, kissing his cheek. There was a more important question you needed to ask him, but you tried to take it slow, step by step. Matthew's eyebrows furrowed into a frown as he thought about it for a moment.

"I-I don't know...I haven't slept in days."

"Like, at all?" you questioned. Matthew shook his head. "Shit, Matty." you sighed, eyes closing while your thumb brushed over his chest through his shirt. The room fell silent for a moment, only the quiet ticking of the clock mixed with your breathings filling it.

"You've started using again haven't you...?" you hesitantly broke the silence, keeping your voice low. It was more of a rhetorical question since you could clearly tell just from his body language that he had. He fidgeted with his fingers, looking down as he nodded shamefully. A soft, barely audible 'fuck' left your mouth as you buried your face in his neck.

"I can't stop thinking about what I did. About what he made me do." he murmured, legs still bouncing.

"Fucking Kearney." you whispered, clenching your jaw as you exhaled a deep breath through your nose, tightening your hold on him. After a moment you pulled away just slightly to see his face. "Why didn't you call me?" you tried to keep your voice as steady and sweet as possible, but it got interrupted with a small crack, your chest squeezing painfully at the sight of him.

"You've been through enough because of me already, I can't have you take care of me all the time."

"I'd rather take care of you than watch from afar as you blame yourself for something you had no control over, Matthew." you told him as you began leaving soft kisses down his neck and shoulders, yearning to push the sadness from his eyes.

A couple more minutes went by and you let go of him, moving aside and gently pushing him down on the bed, tossing a leg over him to straddle his waist before leaning forward to continue leaving kisses up his neck until your lips met. Matthew melted into the kiss almost immediately, his hand coming to cradle your face as you made out, slowly and passionately.

When you pulled away you were both slightly out of breath, your forehead against his, eyes closed.

"It's all in the past now." you murmured while his hand brushed a strand of hair off your face, tucking it behind your ear. You opened your eyes again before continuing. "He's gone. He can't hurt anyone anymore." You gave him a small reassuring smile and he nodded, leaning up to peck your lips one more time.

#blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

between us - matthew connelly

WARNINGS: mentions of drugs

A/N: I've had this idea in mind for a little while now. <3

•••

"You said you'd stop." You sighed as you took a sit next to Matthew, keeping a small distance between you. You snatched the joint from his hand and put it to your lips, taking a long drag before throwing it away somewhere on top of the abandoned house's roof you were sitting on. Matthew didn't answer nor try to complain, only giving you a shrug instead. "Is it just us?" you continued.

Matthew hummed, still not saying a word. You looked out at the city lights in front of you, blowing the last of the smoke from your nostrils. There really was nothing special about the view from up here, but it was one of your favorite place to be. You enjoyed the calmness of it, at least when Kearney, Rez and Matthew weren't there to make it a noisy mess. Sometimes you regretted having introduced them to this spot. It used to be a safe place for you, a place where you could forget about everything just for a moment and relax to the sounds of nature, but now it was just another hidden spot for them to meet up, drink and get wasted.

Noticing the heavy silence, you moved your gaze towards Matthew. He was staring ahead of him, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"Are you okay?" you said softly, sensing that something wasn't right. When you still got no answer and saw the way he fidgeted with his fingers, you moved closer to him and gently placed your hand on his knee.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Matthew, you haven't said a word since I got here. Tell me what’s bothering you."

You could tell he was trying to find a way to say what was on his mind, anxiously looking down at his hands and bouncing his leg. He eventually inhaled deeply before closing his eyes.

"Promise you won't tell anyone." he said. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion but still, you nodded. Whatever he was going to say, he could count on you.

"I promise."

"Promise you won't laugh at me or— hate me, or whatever."

"Matthew, what is it? Did something happen?" worry instantly spread across your face when you thought about the possibility of him being in trouble.

"No, no, nothing happened." he assured you, moving his head to your side slightly but still avoiding eye contact. "Just...you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone about this. If Kearney ever finds out—"

"Hey." you reached out to take his hand, squeezing it reassuringly before grabbing his chin with your other hand and tilting his head to the side, forcing him to look at you. "Whatever you're going to say, it stays between you and me. Okay? I promise." Your eyes were now full of concern as you stared at him, trying to read his expression. You had never seen him so anxious before. However your words seemed to have eased his nerves a bit as he nodded and let out a breath he was holding. After a few more seconds, he broke the silence.

"I'm think I'm bi." he finally admitted in the quietest voice, now shyly looking back at you and searching your eyes for any change in your mood.

But you gave him a gentle smile, letting him know you were more than okay with this before letting out a sigh of relief. Without a word, you pulled him in for a side hug, kissing his cheek at the same time.

"I would never hate you for that, Connelly. God, I thought you were about to admit a murder here." You reached over to mess up his hair after pulling away. You couldn’t help the small laugh that left you, but your expression quickly turned serious again. "I'm serious Matthew. I would never make fun of you and let alone hate you for your sexuality." you smiled fondly at him, which he returned with a shy one before looking down at his hands again. "When did you figure it out?" Your hand made its way to the back of his head, gently stroking his hair as you spoke.

"I don't know. I think I've been questioning my sexuality for about a year now. I know this isn't something we're used to talk about but I needed to get it out of my chest and I knew that if there's one person I can trust with this, it's you." You smiled at his words. It was hard to get Matthew to talk about his feelings, so knowing that he trusted you enough to tell you something so personal and important to him meant a lot to you.

"Thank you for telling me, Matty. I'm proud of you." you told him, the look of love and admiration in your eyes proving that you meant everything you said. "Come here." You pulled him in for a proper hug, rubbing your hands along his back while his arms wrapped around your waist. He whispered a small "thank you" in you ear and you pulled away, pressing another kiss to his cheek before leaning your head against his shoulder.

A comfortable silence fell upon you both as you intertwined your fingers with his, his thumb gently running over the back of your hand as you watched the sunset.

"Thank you for being here." he spoke after a small instant, breaking the silence. "Fuck knows what I'd do without you." he chuckled, messing up your hair too.

"Oh I don't know. You'd probably hang out with people that are way less cooler than me." you joked, leaning your head back to look up at him. He laughed and nudged you playfully. "You don't have to thank me Matthew. You know I'll always be there for you." you spoke more seriously this time, a sincere smile curving your lips.

"I know." Matthew wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer, kissing the top of your head then resting his head against yours.

"Hey...can I tell you something?" you asked.

"Sure."

"That makes two of us."

→ feedbacks are more than welcome. Whether it's just a keyboard smash, an emoji or a single world, it's always appreciated and motivating. ♡

#blueeyeddean #matthew

[blueeyedheizer]

sound of metal - matt

WARNING: might contain some triggering topics (talks of surgery, hearing loss)

A/N: this movie was so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time I had to write something based on it. (excuse the crappy ending) If you haven't seen sound of metal...go watch it nowww

•••

Matt had been acting strange lately. Wether it was during sound check or while you were performing in front of a crowd, he seemed off and completely out of it everytime you shot a glance his way.

Today wasn't any different and you were starting to grow seriously worried. You and your band were performing in front of your biggest crowd yet; the band was getting more and more recognition and people were quick to spread the word about your small tour. It even got to the point where people would take pictures with you and buy your merch after the show. Quite frankly, everything was going well and it was a dream come true.

But when you looked at Matt, it seemed like he wasn't handling things as well as you did. At first, you thought that it might only be stage fright. You weren't really used to such big venues, and it would've made sense that he feels some kind of discomfort in front of an important audience. Yet he never spoke to any of you about it, and you knew he would've at least told you if that was the case.

So when you looked over your shoulder in the middle of the fourth song and caught sight of him you immediately sensed that once again, something wasn't right. He looked almost terrified, you could tell his breathing was heavy and that it wasn't just because of the drums. You tried to contain your worry and focus on your singing, but you kept a mental note to talk to him after the show. You couldn't just sit there and keep pretending everything was alright when he was clearly hiding something from you.

But before you even had the time to move on from your thoughts Matt suddenly stormed out of the stage, his drumsticks falling to the floor while he pushed a few people on his way out. Your heart pounded hard against your chest as you were hit with a wave of anxiety, then with a small apology to the crowd and a worried glance at your bandmates you followed him.

Within seconds you were bursting through the back doors, running after him.

"Matt! Matthew, what the hell?" you called, running to his side. He was bent down, hands resting on his knees as he panted hard. You placed your hands on his shoulders and he eventually stood up straight before leaning against the fence. "Baby, what's wrong?" you placed your hands on his cheeks, your thumbs stroking his skin as your eyes searched for his.

"I can't hear anything." he admitted, voice cracking.

"What?"

"I can't hear anything."

-

You just picked at your food, not hungry due to how anxious you felt. You could barely register anything else than the sound of your heartbeat, the sounds of muffled talking, plates and glasses clinking from the restaurant being completely drowned out by your nagging thoughts.

"What are we gonna do?" James eventually spoke up.

"I don't know James. I really don't know." you put your fork down and buried your face in your hands, finally letting a few tears slip. You leg was bouncing repeatedly, heart beating a million miles a minute. After taking a deep breath, you grabbed the pen and paper that were in front of you and wrote something down.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you slid the paper across the table so that Matt could read it. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's nothing. It'll come back eventually." he said, but you were far from satisfied with his answer. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"What did the doctor say?" once again, you slid the paper across the table.

"There's a surgery. An implant. It's— it's expensive but I'll get it."

"Y/N, there's no way he'll be able to afford it." James whispered. You glanced at him and nodded, knowing damn well you'd never be able to earn so much money in such a short amount of time. You were just a small band, earning a salary worth of such surgery would take an excessive amount of work and time. Noticing the worried look on everyone's face, Matt broke the silence and grabbed your hand.

"Look— we'll play tomorrow and see how it's like. It'll come back. It's fine baby, my hearing's not completely gone. okay? I can do it." Matt said, and you shook your head.

"No."

"We have a tour booked."

"Matt, it's not safe." you tried to reason with him as more tears welled in your eyes.

"We have a tour booked, Y/N, I'll just deal with it, I can do it!"

"No, Matt. We can't." you removed your hand from his hold.

"It'll come back!"

"For God's sakes Matt, it's not safe!" you finally raised your voice, fist colliding with the table as you flopped back against your seat. Your bandmates flinched and some waitresses and customers turned to you, thinking a fight had broke out. You apologized quietly, not even loud enough for any of them to hear before grabbing the pen.

"We're not finishing the tour. You can barely hear a word we're saying. We're not finishing it." you put the pen down and got up, gathering your things before turning to James and Alex. "I'll call the manager and see what we can do."

And with that, you left the dinner without a word.

-

Fortunately, your manager was very understanding of the situation and helped you with everything you needed. He got you in contact with a friend of his who ran a small community in which Matt would be able to attend meetings and learn sign language.

You called the man immediately after finishing the call with your manager, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. You were hit with a wave of relief when he told you he would be more than willing to welcome Matt, as long as he complied with the rules that were imposed there. But getting Matt to understand that this wasn't just a small hearing loss and that he needed help was another story.

"I'm not going, Y/N. God, it— it doesn't even bother me that much! I can still play!" he said and you shook your head, lowering it afterwards. You had never seen him so agitated, and no matter how hard he tried to convince you that he was okay, you could see right through him. His hearing loss was in fact bothering him, he just wouldn't admit it. "Baby I know our songs by heart, we could just—"

"Matt, stop. Just stop." you interrupted him. Tears were beginning to form in your eyes and it was getting harder to hold them back. He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair.

"Matt. Please. Just look at me." you placed your index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you. "The most important thing right now is to preserve the hearing you have left. Okay?" your hand slid to his cheek, wiping a tear before pecking his lips. "I love you so much, baby. And that's why I'm not leaving you the choice. We're cancelling the tour, and you're going to let these people take care of you." you told him, making sure to speak clearly.

-

-time skip-

Those 6 months spent away from him were hard. The members of the community he was in all lived in one house together with no contact to the outside world - which meant no phones allowed. It was a rule that you had agreed on committing to, but you hadn't anticipated how awfully long these months would actually be. Performing without him was something you couldn't get used to. You had found a new drummer for the time he was gone, but it was different. You were so used to Matt's energy, his way of playing, and the boy was nothing like him. He was really nice and Alex and James seemed to get along well with him, but this band wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Matt, therefore performing his songs without him felt wrong.

You had no idea what the future was going to look like, wether it was regarding the band or your relationship. You had no idea how Matt was doing. For all you knew he could be at his lowest point and you weren't there for him. Or maybe he was having an amazing time, and you couldn't shut off this nagging voice in the back of your head that kept telling you he might've met someone new.

-

You were walking home from work, looking forward to leave this long day behind you and get some well deserved rest. You greeted your dad and was about to make your way to your room, but his voice stopped you in your tracks before you could leave.

"Y'a Matt qui t'attends dans ta chambre." (Matt's waiting for you in your room.)

"Quoi?" (What?)

"Il est arrivé y'a une heure ou deux. Je lui ait dit de rester là en attendant que t'arrives." (He arrived about an hour or two ago. I told him to stay there and wait for you.)

You tried to contain your excitement in front of him, but your heart felt like it was about to burst inside your chest.

"Okay, cool. Merci."

With that, you left the kitchen and made your way upstairs hurriedly, heart beating faster with every step you took.

Finally, you opened the door to your room and your eyes immediately caught Matt's figure. He was sitting on your bed, a book in hands as he waited for you. You stayed at the door for a small instant, grinning warmly as he looked up, allowing you to finally make eye contact.

"Hi. Can you hear me?"

Matt set the book down and nodded, then you walked over to him, standing between his legs. You cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumbs, taking in all of him. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you had seen him.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

You leaned in and pressed your lips together for the first time in five months, your hands sliding to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. You pulled away after a little less than a minute, catching your breath.

"What are you doing here? How— how did you afford it?" you asked a bit awkwardly, referring to his surgery as you noticed the implants on his ear.

"I had to sell my stuff." he shugged. "Guitars, synth, my car. Anything I could find, really." he chuckled sadly, lowering his head. Your face dropped at his words and a small silence settled in the room before he broke it with the smallest voice. "I'm sorry."

"Hey...there's nothing to apologise for." you said, lifting his chin up to peck his lips once again. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you as tears welled up in his eyes. Then he climbed further up the bed silently, his back now resting against the headboard. You followed, situating yourself next to him.

"I ruined everything. The tour, the band, us." Everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You couldn't control what happened, Matt. You know that." you tried to comfort him, scratching the back of his head with your fingertips. He scoffed a bit at your answer, still avoiding eye-contact.

"I can't get back to drumming, Y/N. I can never go back to how my life was before."

There was a pause before he finally dared to look at you. His eyes were red from holding back tears, cheeks streaked and flushed, the sight causing your face to visibly soften. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead you looked down, fidgeting with the ring on your index finger and the room went silent. You knew things would never be the same, but you still took the news like a bullet. A couple more seconds passed and you took a small breath before climbing onto his lap gently.

A bitter, sad smile curved on your lips as you looked at him, hands cupping both sides of his head, gently rubbing your thumbs and occasionally wiping a few tears from his cheeks while you fought with great difficulty to hold yours in. First you kissed his forehead then you rested yours against it, noses brushing.

"I love you." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt a tear escape and roll down your cheek. "I love you so much."

You pulled away just a bit and signed "I love you" to him in sign language to emphasise your words. He signed it back to you and you wrapped your arms around him, cradling his head against your chest as you mumbled comforting words, your hands rubbing his back and hair soothingly as you cried silently.

#blueeyeddean #matt

[blueeyedheizer]

always have, always will - tom blake

WARNINGS: death

A/N: idk it's not that good but i've been crying over this concept for an hour straight and I did cry my eyes out while writing this so,,, yeah [insert pain]

---

You felt your throat tighten as you made your way over to the spot where his body was laid to rest, holding a small bouquet of roses in your hands along with three poppies.

Coming here was never easy. No matter how much time had passed, the walk here always felt agonising. It was something you couldn't get used to. Your breath caught as you read the name on the gravestone, your throat already hurting from trying to hold back tears.

"Hi baby." your whispered shakily. "I'm sorry I haven't visited in a while. Work's been really stressful these past few days. I didn't really have time for myself." you sighed. "I feel like every day gets worse than the last. There's just...— the world is so much darker without you. You always made everything better. I wish I could hold you one last time and tell you how much you mean to me, I probably haven't told you that enough times." you paused, looking down at your hands as your lips began to tremble. With a deep breath, you continued. "Will sent a letter the other day, his wife gave birth recently. They both wish you were here to see their baby girl." you smile and a tear slips out of your eyes while you brush a leaf off the stone." Her name's Hope." your voice trailed off as you squeezed your eyes shut.

And that's when you finally broke down. You knew Tom wouldn't have wanted you to cry over him but if there was one thing you couldn't do, it was keeping your emotions inside. You sat down on the grass and carefully laid down on the grave, your heart heavy as gut wrenching sobs left your mouth.

After a few minutes, you took a deep breath and wiped your eyes and cheeks with your sleeves. "You know, I’ve had dreams about you these past few days. I don't know why." you shrugged. Your voice was weak, filled with pain. "It might be because our second anniversary is around the corner and you're still by my side, somehow, making sure I don't forget." you let out a small chuckle, running your fingers over the engraved letters of his name before whispering; "Trust me, I won't."

You stayed there for a moment, feeling nothing but numbness. Your body refused to move as you stared up at the sky while more tears fell from your eyes. You weren't sobbing anymore but the tears fell freely, your face showing no expression as you felt your cheeks get wetter and wetter.

Eventually you got up and placed the small bouquet on top of the gravestone.

"I miss you, Tom. I hope you're happy wherever you are. I love you so much. Always have, always will."

#blueeyeddean #blake

[blueeyedheizer]

A Little Light - Blake & Schofield x reader

WARNINGS: x

A/N: just so you know, this is NOT a romantic imagine. I purposely chose not to include any kind of romance cause that's exactly what made the original scene so beautiful & real :) <3

---

"Il n'y a rien ici. Nous n'avons rien pour vous. S'il vous plaît." (There is nothing here. We have nothing for you. Please.) Your voice was quiet but shaking, fear quickly taking over you as you revealed yourself, slightly stepping out of the dark corner you were hiding in. The knot in your throat tightened as you noticed the rifle the two soldiers were holding and you stepped back a little when their eyes met yours.

"Anglais...not German." One of them said as they both set their rifle down, holding their hands up. "Friends...we are friends."

"I'm Blake. And this is Schofield." The younger one continued, gesturing to himself and his friend. Feeling relieved as you understood they weren't a threat, you nodded your head and slowly walked out of your hiding place, hugging your arms close to yourself.

"You are hurt...." you whispered softly as you noticed blood on the back of Schofield's head. Taking a step towards him, you pointed at a chair near the fire. "Asseyez-vous." (sit down)

"Asseyez-vous, monsieur." (sit down, sir) you insisted as he suddenly began to sway, feeling nauseous.

"C'mon Scho, sit down." you heard the younger soldier say as he placed a hand over his friend's shoulder. The man swayed slightly before dropping into the chair. Slowly, you moved over to him and placed your hand on his, making him jump as tenderness was still foreign to him. You carefully parted his damp hair and accidentally let your finger brush over the wound, making him flinch. You apologized silently before reaching down and taking out a handkerchief, holding it against the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Il me reste un petit peu de désinfectant. Je peux vous le donner." (I have a little bit of disinfectant left. I can give it to you.)

"No..." the man answered before turning slowly to face you, your gaze locking momentarily. "Save it for yourself, in case you need it." he continued, his voice weak from pain and tiredness. After a moment, you nodded.

Then, a soft sound suddenly came from behind you, and both men's eyes shot open. Getting up carefully, you moved to the corner of the room and lifted up a baby from an old drawer that had been lined with cloth. The boys quickly followed after you, their eyes never leaving the baby.

"Bonjour ma puce..." (hello, sweetie...) you whispered, taking a sit on the dusty mattress that laid on the floor. You stroked the little girl's cheeks as she began crying, kissing her forehead and mumbling soothing words as Blake and Schofield kneeled in front of you.

"Shhh, je suis là. Je suis là. (Shh. I'm here. I'm right here.) Regarde. On n'est pas toutes seules. Tu dis bonjour?" (Look. We're not alone. You wanna say hi?) The little girl's cries subsisted as she laid her eyes on the soldiers, intrigued by them.

The two boys stared at the baby with a soft smile as she squirmed around and whimpered into your arms for a moment. Looking up, you could see the excitement glowing in the younger boy's eyes.

"Est-ce que— est-ce que tu veux la porter?...hold her?" you asked. You could tell he was unsure of what to do or say, not knowing if this was a good idea. Blake turned to Schofield who nodded at him after a few seconds. With a smile, you moved closer and carefully handed the baby over to Blake, not letting go until you were certain he had the hang of her.

"Make sure to support her head." Schofield spoke softly and Blake nodded as he started cradling her gently. The baby settled in his arms almost immediately, making him smile. Her big brown eyes were staring up at him and she reached up, trying to touch his face.

"She's beautiful..." Blake murmured as she grabbed his finger with her tiny palm and gurgled happily. Blake looked up at you with a bright smile before turning his attention back to the baby, softly stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. You and Schofield shared a soft look, appreciating this small heartwarming moment.

"She likes you." you whispered, smiling fondly at the scene in front of you, temporarily forgetting about the harsh reality of the outside world.

"What is her name?" Blake continued.

"Je ne sais pas. Elle n'est pas à moi..." (I don't know. She's not mine...)

Suddenly, the little girl's eyes filled with tears and a small cry left her throat. Blake tensed, his face falling with worry.

"She's hungry." You spoke as you reached out to stroke her tiny head. With a heavy heart, Blake handed her back to you, letting you cradle her. Placing your hand behind her tiny head, you carefully lifted her up to your shoulder, rubbing her back softly and whispering soothing words into her ear.

"Here. I have milk." Schofield announced as he pried the canteen from his belt, handing it over to you. You looked up at him, wearing a look of pure amazement and gratitude.

"Take these as well." Blake continued, before opening his pack and emptying his rations on the mattress. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out of it. "Take them all, for you and her."

"Je ne peux pas—" you finally managed to blurt out. "Vous en avez besoin...gardez-les." (I can't— you need that food...keep it.)

Before any of them could answer, the distant sound of the church bell startled them, and with one last glance towards the baby, they stood up. You watched them confused, holding the child closer to you as you followed them.

"Qu'est-ce que vous faites? Attendez, s'il vous plaît. Il va bientôt faire jour. Les soldats, ils vont vous voir." (What are you doing? Wait, please. It will be light soon. The soldiers, they'll see you.)

"We're sorry." Schofield answered as he grabbed his rifle and walked to the doorway, Blake following closely.

"Attendez, je vous en prie. Restez." (Wait, please. Stay.) you reached for Blake's arm, and his expression dropped even more when he saw your frightened state.

"I'm really sorry, but we have to go now." he eventually tried to reason with you. "My brother, along with hundred of men are in danger." Blake answered. You hadn't noticed the single tear that rolled down to your cheek until you felt its salty taste on your lips. After a few seconds, you let go of his arm and nodded slowly, taking a step back. You wrapped your arm around the baby protectively but also for comfort as you watched them walk over to the doorway with their rifles clutched in their hands.

And before you knew it, with one last apology, you were left alone again surrounded by darkness and fear.

#tom blake x reader #1917 x reader #tom blake #thomas blake x reader #will schofield x reader #schofield x reader #blake x reader #william schofield x reader #dean charles chapman x reader #george mackay x reader #dean charles chapman imagine #george mackay imagine #blueeyeddean

[blueeyedheizer]

middle of the night - tom blake

A/N: This can be read as a sequel for Train Station :)

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Fear, violence, death.

Every night, the circle repeated itself for Thomas. Ever since he came back from war, his sleep was reduced to either two or three hours per night, sometimes three and a half if he was lucky. But most of the times he would wake up in the middle of the night, his body shaking from horrible night terrors that would make him relive over and over the things that he saw in the trenches, things that no boy his age should ever have to witness.

You had barely just drifted off to sleep when you were suddenly awoken by the feeling of kicks on your legs along with whimpers and loud heavy breathing. You rubbed your eyes sleepily and turned over before holding yourself up on your forearm. You glanced over to the clock; it read 3:35.

"Tom, wake up." you whispered as you lightly stroked his cheek, not wanting to startle him too much as he still wasn't fully used to physical contact. But it seemed to have no effect whatsoever on him. Instead, you felt your hand become wetter with his tears.

"Thomas, sweetheart wake up..." you continued, your hand coming to shake his shoulder. Again, nothing. His body was shaking violently, a thin layer of sweat covered it as his face contorted in pain and anguish. He was slurring words that you could barely understand, his voice coming out in choked sobs. Your eyes filled with worry as you sat up on your knees and started shaking him a bit harder.

"Thomas !" you repeated this time louder. Suddenly, he shot up from the bed with a gasp, his eyes widening while tears kept streaming down his cheeks. He blinked a few times before his eyes met yours; you could clearly see all the horror and pain that were reflecting inside them.

"It's okay, you're safe..." you whispered, carefully reaching out to stroke his cheek. "you're with me. I'm right here."

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shh. It's okay, darling. There's nothing to apologize for." you soothed, adjusting your position as he wrapped his arms around your body, holding you close as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, sobs wracking his body. You held him close to yourself, one hand comfortingly rubbing his back while the other ran through his hair, trying to give him as much comfort as you could as you shushed him gently and pressed soft kisses on top of his head.

"It's okay, you're alright. It was just a dream. You're safe, I promise." a single tear rolled down your cheek, your heart completely shattering at the sight of the person you love the most being so broken.

"You should leave me." your eyes widened and you pulled away. Cupping his cheeks with both hands, you forced him to look at you.

"Thomas Oliver Blake. This is never going to happen." you said. "Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere, and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon." you leaned in to kiss him gently and pressed your forehead against his, your hands still resting on his cheeks. "Okay? I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Come here." you cooed, pulling him back against your chest as he cried out.

Comforting him in the middle of the night had also become a routine for you, but you didn't mind. You loved him with all your heart and you were willing to do anything to help him in any way you could, no matter how long the healing process would take. He deserved better than that.

Thomas used to be a young boy full of joy, always smiling, always laughing, very optimistic as well. He always saw the best in everyone, and that was one of the many reasons why you fell for him. It was genuinely hard not to love him. You knew that sparkle inside him would never come back entirely and his scars would always remind him of these past few years, but you promised yourself to help him get it back.

Tom's breathing finally went back to normal after a few minutes, his sobs turning into small hiccups. You both laid back onto the bed, his back facing you. He flinched slightly when he felt your fingertips on his skin as you started running them up and down his arm and back.

"It's okay, it's just me."

You kept drawing patterns behind his back, sliding your hands from his shoulderblades to his neck, massaging and occasionally kissing the skin gently, trying to get him to relax.

"I'm tired." he murmured, his voice muffled against his pillow.

"Get some rest, love."

"No, not like that." he continued. "I'm tired of this. Of living like this. You deserve so much better than me, better than what I put you through." he sniffled as he held his arms close to his body. You propped yourself up on your arm again and rested your chin on his shoulder.

"Tommy, listen to me." you whispered as you started stroking his hair soothingly. "I love you, and I wouldn't change what we have for the world. I've never been happier than I am with you. You're the one person I trust and love the most in this world." you paused, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "You're my best friend. I never ever want to lose you Thomas, and god knows that I couldn't let you go even if I wanted to. You mean too much to me." those last few words were choked out as a knot formed in your throat and you started crying, hardly holding back the sobs that threatened to burst. Silence filled the room after the words left your mouth. Only both your sniffles and the faint sound of your fingertips running over his scalp could be heard.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Tom." you admitted as you let silent tears fall down your cheeks.

After a few more seconds, Tom turned around and pressed your lips together. You slowly climbed over his body, straddling his waist as you kissed him back, your hands holding his cheeks. His hands slid up your back, letting you melt the pain away even if it was just for this short instant. The kiss was messy and uncoordinated as both of you were crying, but you didn't care. All you could do was repeat over and over like a mantra that you love him as you held onto each other for dear life, rediscovering each other's body as you made love until the sun came up.

#blueeyeddean #blake