#breath gets short n it’s so fuckin hot i gotta retreat to my room after twenty min cause it’s fuckin painful but then im back up here n im

[bitchdafuqyousay]

.

#i feel like shit omg i was so sick the other day got a two day period of being fine n now im so awful #i’ve been out of bed for like 3-4hrs mx today n not all at once #most of it i’ve been asleep too idek what’s wrong like the other day it was throwing up general nausea n aches n whatnot #but today im in pain all over i can’t regulate my temperature for shit like im freezing in my room in bed under all my blankets but the #second i go anywhere else im dying of heat! like instant sweating dizziness n so hot i get pins n needles in my cheeks n extremities n my #breath gets short n it’s so fuckin hot i gotta retreat to my room after twenty min cause it’s fuckin painful but then im back up here n im #so cold n if im not lying down i get stupid dizzy n my balance is all off even just sitting down but standing is absolute ass like im like #too tall today? i feel too tall like standing up n my eye distance to the ground makes me feel lightheaded n i start pitching forwards like #the way you might when looking over a high balcony- the sort of vertigo that comes from height i’m getting from just feckin standing up in #my own goddamn body?? fuckin madness innit?? is this a blood pressure thing?? fucks going on i genuinely don’t know #n it all hurts n i’m in bed rn after having a shower n i felt better in the shower but i’m back out #told my dad sister n brother goodnight picked up my dog n went upstairs n like i had to put my baby down once i got to the room i couldn’t #make it with him to the bed he’s only 6lbs but my arms felt like they’d fall off n the tiny amount of body heat from him on my chest made me #get short of breath n feel way too overheated i’ve never had that happen before i’ve never had to put him on the floor n he walk over n hop #up himself n i had to take a seat i had to sit on the floor for a minute to collect myself #i closer the door n turned off the lights on my knees i was crawling about n had to drag myself up into bed cause i just was too tired to #get up n do it all normally genuinely wtf is happening

[valkyrieofsmut]

Red who’s so eats strawberry’s during ovulation at a sweets shop and absentmindedly stares at a cake decorated in strawberries while slowly getting more and more horny not realizing why till he snaps out of his bored daze and realizes what he’s looking at and quickly says a ‘I got to go’ before porting off to find his so or a private place to rub one out

Yes. That is all.

.

Red’s eyelights were on something- he knew they were, could tell that they were, but he wasn’t paying attention. His brain was too focused on what time of the month it was... 

Strawberry time... 

Such a silly and inane thing wouldn’t mean much to anyone, but, for Red it had special meaning. It was when his girl hit the high point of her heat cycle- ovulation, humans called it.

He heard that sweet laugh and blinked, his eyelights focusing and the sight of a strawberry cake decorated with fresh strawberries appeared.

He pushed away the blush growing on his cheekbones, and the erection pushing at his seem... No wonder he was hard... heh...

(Y/n) wandered over to another display, looking at all of the strawberry items. She had a glow about her that seemed to light up the area and call to him- that come hither siren’s song... 

Fuck- the things that woman did to him... 

He felt himself twitch and knew that he wouldn’t be getting rid of the stiffness without help any time soon.

Red turned away from the counter and started through the aisles, finding (Y/n) and wrapping his arms around her from behind. “sweetheart- gotta lil bit of an’ issue...” The way it was pressing against her, he knew she knew what he meant. “gonna have ta give it a pass...”

“Red, I haven’t gotten anything, yet,” she complained.

“i’ll come back fer it, jus’ tell me what ya want,” he told her, his nasal ridge nuzzling into the crook of her neck. “i’ll get ya anythin’ ya want... even th’ expensive shit- my treat...”

“No, horny man,” she told him. “I don’t know what I want, which is why I’m still looking around.”

Red felt a lusty growl growing in his chest. “how ‘bout we split th’ difference an’ we get a quicky, then ya can pick what ya want...?”

She thought about it for a moment, but agreed.

The door closed behind (Y/n) in the one person bathroom, Red appearing a moment later, making sure the door was locked before pulling her to him.

Their mouths and tongues met, a rushed tangle pressed by the urgency to not get caught.

(Y/n) gasped as he picked her up and pressed her against the wall, grinding against her and teasing them both.

“fuck, (y/n), need ya bad,” he told her, shoving his bottoms out of the way.

A needy whine left her as he pulled her bottoms out of the way. “Yeah?”

“ya fuckin’ know it, sweetheart.”

Red couldn’t quite hold back the sound as he pushed forward, sliding in to be surrounded by her hot, wet walls so easily, and neither could she.

He put his mouth back to hers and the kissing continued as they tried to hide their noises in each other’s mouths.

Red moved, his pelvis rocking to fill her and retreating, picking up speed and sending bursts of pleasure through them both.

He had to pull back, gasping for air for a moment before burying his face in her shoulder, trying to muffle his voice as he started pounding into her. The needy gasps and whimpers she tried to hide made him need her more, going faster and hitting harder into her. She was so wet... she was dripping down him, and probably onto the floor-

Red adjusted his pelvis so that he could hit that special spot inside of her, and she was suddenly trying not to make any noise as she raced toward orgasm, starting to pulse around him, and then, she was coming, squeezing him tight.

A growl vibrated through him, rattling his bones at the feeling, and he only lasted a few more thrusts.

“fuck- sweetheart- fuck- fuckin’- stars-” he ground out into her shoulder as he pressed as deep into her as he could, filling her with his warm magic as his jaw snapped, catching the shoulder of her top in it and biting, probably tearing holes in it.

They panted for a moment, then Red nuzzled her as a purr grew in his ribcage, his soft side showing as he gave skeleton kisses along her jaw, his own jaw twisted in a dopey grin.

“Can I still pick whatever I want?” (Y/n) teased breathlessly.

“anythin’,” he answered.

"Good, 'cause you owe me for this shirt- it's my favorite shirt!" She halfheartedly complained.

Red chuckled as he kept nuzzling her shoulder. "mmm, doll, i'll fix it if ya want."

"You just keep your promise," she told him. "After this, I might want to buy out the store."

Red's voice was husker when he spoke again. "sweetheart, ya don't clean up, wear my cum in ya all day, i'll buy ya the fuckin' store."

:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:

Red’s eyelights were on something- he knew they were, could tell that they were, but he wasn’t paying attention. His brain was too focused on what time of the month it was...

Strawberry time...

Such a silly and inane thing wouldn’t mean much to anyone, but, for Red it had special meaning. It was when his girl hit the high point of her heat cycle- ovulation, humans called it.

He heard a loud laugh and blinked, his eyelights focusing and the sight of a strawberry cake decorated with fresh strawberries appeared.

He pushed away the blush growing on his cheekbones, and the erection pushing at his seem... No wonder he was hard... heh...

“Can I help you?” One of the workers asked, finally getting to him.

“uh- i- heh...” He quickly threw on his mask of charm. “ya got any a those strawberry cakes ready ta go?”

“Of course,” the worker responded, turning and quickly getting a box and folding it as they turned to a computer to tap a few buttons, then turned around, moving a cake into it as a tag printed.

Red quickly paid and shortcutted to (Y/n) ‘s room, setting the box on the night stand as he looked around. He made a quick circuit around, but couldn’t find her, and ended back in her room with a groan.

“fuck...” he grumbled, landing on the bed face down. He’d hoped to find her and work out some of this build up that stupid cake had caused. It wasn’t going away, either, with her scent surrounding him.

Red shuffled until he was nuzzling her pillow, feeling himself throb and twitch.

He couldn’t take it anymore! He needed some relief!

He buried himself under the covers, and pushed his shorts down, breathing in the beautiful scent surrounding him.

His hand went to his very stiffly protruding cock, starting to stroke it softly.

He had half a hope that (Y/n) would come back and catch him, ask what he was doing... he’d tell her, “sorry, sweetheart, can’t last wit’out ya,” and she’d join him...

But it didn’t happen, and his hand sped up, tightening around him as he displaced the blankets and they fluttered around him. The smell of her was surrounding him. He was imaging her there, riding him hard and fast as he jerked his cock.

“fuck- nnnghh- oh, fuck, sweetheart-” he groaned as he got closer, a rough growl coming from him as he closed in, and then- “rraaaaaagggghhhhh!”

His hand continued over his cock as it throbbed and pulsed his release, making him groan as he caught his breath and cum spilled all over him, his shorts, and the blankets. “nnnnnnnnnngh,” he groaned in content. “only thing that’d make it better is (y/n)...”

Ask Masterlist?

[rogue-barnes-16]

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

Suggested prompt: Ari is sent on a new mission with the reader... They have history together.

Pairing: Ari Levinson x reader

Genre: angst-ish

Tags:

Suggested by: @writerwithfluffysocks @ari-levinson

Ari Levinson: @capsiclesdoll

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, shooting, mentions of wounds

A/N: here it goes my first Ari Levinson x reader fic, hope you enjoy darlings <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

"Miss Y/l/n!" Little tugs on my hand made me turn around redirecting my attention to the little girl besides me who seemed to be craving it.

"What's it, Shira?" I questioned, bending the knee to be eye to eye with the kid.

"That man." She pointed at the opposite side of the room, where the open door communicated the class with the outside. "He says he wants to talk with you."

I spun my head to meet Ethan's eyes. "Shit." He gave me a smile, leaning against the wooden door frame. "Thank you, Shira." I flashed a smile at the kid and stood up.

"Y/n" he motioned at the kids, currently playing. "I see you didn't waste your time."

"why are you here, Ethan?"

His eyes shifted to mine. "Your vacations are over. You have a mission."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes were fixed on the view I had through my window the whole drive in that shitty pickup truck.

When Ethan wouldn't give away the name of my partner, I suspected something was off, so I couldn't say that I had been entirely surprised to see Ari's face in the airport.

"Didn't know he'd send you." Ari attempted to break the ice, although it wasn't an easy task.

"I didn't know you were the partner." We stayed in a new kind of silence that turned out to be way more uncomfortable than the first one. "Where's Sammy?"

He cleared his throat. "He left." his statement made me look at him for the first time since we left the airport. "Apparently, I'm fucking reckless, an asshole, and never have a plan."

"He ain't lying." I commented, leaning against the backrest. "Oh c'mon!" I exclaimed, acknowledging the anger in his eyes when he spared me a glare. "Y'know it's true, that's why you're mad."

He let out a humorless laugh, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. "Fuck y'know me so well, don't you?" Sarcasm dripped from his tongue as if it was poison.

I rolled my eyes, aware that starting a fight wouldn't help us at all. "Where are we staying?"

"Why?"

"Ethan mentioned you'd been compromised."

"A friend got us a room." he informed me, taking a turn to the left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We arrived at the hotel room, and not many words were exchanged during the daytime, but when the sun fell, we had no option but to talk, since we had to discuss the plan he had.

Or more likely, the plan that he didn't have.

"No" I shook my head no, sat on the crappy hotel bed. "That's not a solid plan. That's not even a fucking plan."

"What the hell do you mean?" he questioned, offended. "it worked 'til now." a tilt of his head accompanied his statement. "I'd say it's a good plan."

I buried my face on my palms, bending forward. "Okay, first off," I looked up at him again. "If it had worked til now, I'm sure Sammy wouldn't have left, and wouldn't be here. And second" he slightly shifted his posture, letting himself rest against the wall. "I'd say it's a shitty strategy, but got lucky."

"I don't see the problem." he replied, shrugging.

"yeah well I do." he clenched his jaw and I let out a exasperated sigh. "Ari, you've been compromised thanks to your 'plan', and you don't wanna change it."

"It's not the first time this happens, and-"

"Yeah, that's the fuckin' problem!" I raised my voice, hopping off the bed. "you keep doing this, and it always ends with your life on the line" he attempted to interrupt me but I kept throwing my tantrum. "and you drag everyone with you!"

He pushed himself off the wall, a frown formed in his face. "is this 'cause of Tangier? Because that one ain't on me, it's on you. You got in the way when Rachel warned not to."

"First of all, what the fuck?" my voice was now low, shocked that he pulled that card after what had happened in that city, not just the great disaster that his plan turned out to be, but also what we had had there. "it doesn't matter. Tangier, Khartoum, or any other mission, it's always the same, and I'm not willing to die for you." Not anymore, I thought. "so right fucking now, tell me we're changing that fuckin' shit to an actual plan."

He knew I was right, but he wouldn't say it. "it's late," he grunted, unbuttoning his shirt without sparing me a single look. "let's just go to sleep."

Exhaling, I grabbed a tank top and shorts from my bag and started to change my clothes.

Once I was done, I climbed on the bed and lay down, ready to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I huffed, running my hands over my face.

Sleeping had become an impossible task, because damn, it was fucking hot in that tiny room, and I was sweating.

I sat on the bed, careful not to wake Ari, who seemed to have accomplished the goal that I had been chasing for at least a couple of hours.

I got rid of the shorts and, right after having pulled my tank top over my head, I felt a shift on the mattress before Ari's digits ghosted over the scar on my back. "this should've been on my chest."

The scar left there by an asshole's gun who had been aiming at Ari; the scar that worked as a reminder of what had exactly triggered the disaster in Tangier.

"I'm sorry." his thumb traced the line that remained there after Sammy's improvised sewing. "Don't know why the fuck I said that. You're right, I always drag people down with me." his fingers lingered on my skin just for a moment before he retreated his hand.

I breathed out. "it was the heat of the moment." When he didn't say anything, I turned around. "you okay?"

He gave me a lazy nod, his eyes lost somewhere in his darkest memories. "I really am a fucking asshole, and I never learn."

"You're kind of an ass." I agreed as he closed his eyes. "and you never learn, but you get shit done better than anyone. And" I poked his chest, making him open one eye. "you got a great heart, so don't torture yourself that much 'kay?"

He opened his eyes again, this time with a half smile. "I missed you, Y/n."

I mirrored his expression and held back the 'I missed you too' that I so badly wanted to say. "Alright, Levinson."

His smile grew wider, and the ghosts that had been chasing his blue eyes transformed into the happiness that used to show up in his pupils whenever I smiled. The only difference was that now, that happiness was stained with regret and melancholy. "Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I hadn't fucked up." his eyes got lost again. "Wish things were different."

I pursed my lips, stopping myself from saying that I did too often wondered about what we could have been if things hadn't gotten in the way.

That I wondered if we would have been happy together.

I let myself fall besides him. "alright, go to sleep, 'cause tomorrow we gotta sort a shit ton of stuff out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Everyone move to the back, now!" I shouted, helping the people we were helping to climb to the truck. "c'mon c'mon c'mon!"

I heard shotguns closer and closer, and when I turned around, I saw Ari sprinting towards us with a girl in his arms.

"fuckin' shit." I muttered, jogging to him to lend a hand. "Holy fuck. Holy fuck." I cursed, seeing the Jeep driving in our direction.

I pulled out my gun and started to shoot. "Get inside!" Ari shouted, almost throwing the girl into the truck before tugging wrapping his hands around my waist, sweeping me off my feet and pushing me to the front of the truck at the same time as he shielded me, just in case the bullets reached us. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

I jumped inside and tugged him with me, starting the engine while he was sitting up properly. "Get us the hell out of here!"

We took off, following the route that we had carefully traced five days ago; a route perfect for us to lose the Jeep that was right behind us.

It took us around half an hour, but it worked.

Ari stopped the truck once we were safe and, as I let myself fall against the backrest, he rested his forehead against the steering wheel.

"we did it." I spoke, a little surprised.

"we did it." he repeated pulling himself up to mimic my posture.

His eyes were trained on mines and vice-versa.

Our breathing was heavy and ragged as we both dug our eyes into one another's with a feeling that wasn't easy to fight in this conditions; a feeling that I thought had been long forgotten.

His gaze flickered to my lips for a second and, when I subconsciously licked them, he gulped "I need air." he grunted, kicking the door open before climbing off the truck.

I didn't think twice before jumping off the truck and stalking to were he was now standing.

Before he could say a word, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss which, as soon as he reciprocated it, became rough and needy.

His hands gripped my hips, pulling me as close as possible as we desperately devoured each other's lips as if they were water in the dessert; as if they were the air we breathed.

I pulled apart only when it was completely necessary for us to breath. "I missed you too." I whispered, letting him kiss my lips once more. "and I wish things were different."

"let's make things different." he replied, stealing one more kiss without letting go of me. "please, Y/n, let's make things different" he rested his forehead against mine, heavily breathing. " 'cause life's hell without you."

I nodded, kissing his lips, this time tenderly. "let's do it." his hands went up and down my sides at the same time as mines help in place the strands of his hair that tingled my face. "but let's finish this job first."

He nodded, a beautiful smile making tugging the corners of his lips at the promise of an 'us'.

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson fic #ari levinson smut #ari levinson request #ari levinson #Ari levinson x you #Ari levinson oneshot #Ari x reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans #red sea diving resort #Red sea diving resort fic

[irish-nlessing]

Making the Grade - Ch. 2

A/N: Thank you all so much for your patience.  I’m so sorry this took so long!  This wouldn’t be possible without the support from my friends and readers.  I truly appreciate you guys!

Chapter 1

“Wait wait.  Here comes Lou - tell him what she said when you asked for her number.”  Harry’s laughter peals across the corner of the lacquered bar where Niall’s leaning with his head in his hands.  “Christ Harry, ya think you could keep your voice down to a dull roar?”  Niall can feel his cheeks burning hot with shame.  The entire debacle has been running through his head on a constant loop since the afternoon.  After Poppy had stormed out of his classroom, Niall was left standing at his desk, his mouth hanging open and his arms hanging uselessly at his sides.  For a brief moment he considered running after her, but what would he say?  “Hey, just so you know, I wasn’t hitting on you?”  Niall may have terrible luck with women, but he wasn’t a complete idiot.  Even he knew that wasn’t the way into a pretty girl’s good graces.  So, instead, he sank down into the hard plastic chair, took a deep breath, and shoved all his papers into his worn leather messenger bag.  By the time he’d made it to the pub to meet Harry, Niall’s mood hadn’t improved.  He’s skulked into the bar, heaving himself onto the stool next to Harry’s and waved Louis down for a pint and a shot of Jameson.  Harry had coaxed the entire story from Niall and was now forcing him to repeat it to the bartender for his own sadistic pleasure.  

Louis sidled up to the bar, flipping a bar towel over his shoulder.  They’d made friends with Louis almost immediately, deciding that his caustic attitude and relentless sarcasm could be tolerated because of their shared love of football and collective homesickness for the UK. “Ok Harold, you’ve made your point.  Spill it, Nialler.”  Louis was working on his Masters in psychology, a degree that came in handy more often than not working as a bartender.  With a deep sigh and a tug on his fringe for good measure, Niall reluctantly filled in his friend.

“I kinda accidentally asked out one of my students this afternoon.  Got me ass handed to me in the process.”  Niall raised his eyebrows and took another swig of his pint.  “Gotta be honest, she was fuckin’ terrifying.”  Slumping against the bar in defeat, Niall stared at the drops of condensation rolling down his glass.  

“I’m sorry, did you say you ‘accidentally’ asked out a student, Neil?”  Louis was staring incredulously at Niall, a wicked cackle starting to bubble up from his slight frame.  “How do you accidentally ask someone out?  I mean, logistically, how does it happen?”  Louis and Harry were shaking with laughter as Niall sat back and glared at both of them.

“For your information, Lewis, I wasn’t trying to ask her out.  It was a complete misunderstanding.”  Harry slapped Niall’s shoulder, shaking him slightly in his seat.  “Happens to the best of us, right Lou?”  Harry looked pointedly at Louis, nudging his chin in Niall’s direction.  Louis got the hint, and  piped up quickly.  “Sure Ni, sure.  I mean, can’t win em all can ya?”

Niall slammed his fist down on the bar, startling his friends and a few other patrons nearby.  “I wasn’t asking her out!  Fuck, mate! I just….I’m just…….”  Niall took a breath and slumped his shoulders forward.  “I’m tired of bein’ the butt of everyone’s jokes.  I don’t need to be like Harry, pullin’ a new piece of ass every weekend -”  Harry pulled a face, the corners of his mouth tugging down.  “Heyyyyyyyyyy!”  Niall rolled his eyes and continued.  “But it would be nice, for once, not to have to perform a post mortem every time I interact with a woman!”  Niall slammed the rest of his beer, and pushed his stool back.  The legs scraped harshly against the worn wood of the floor making Harry and Louis cringe.  Throwing a few bills down on the bar, Niall grabbed his bag and slung it around his broad shoulders.  “Just, nevermind.  I’ll get over it.  See ya later, yeah?”  Harry and Lou silently watched his figure retreat through the swinging doors of the bar, disappearing down the street.

The early fall air was beginning to cool down, and scattered leaves swirled across the sidewalk as Niall trudged towards his apartment.  His head swam with a tangled mess of emotions and thoughts.  He’d never blown up like that in front of his friends.  He took great pride in being rational and even-keeled, and was tolerant almost to a fault.  For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why this one moment, this one girl, had rooted so far into his psyche.  He’d never given much thought to any of the girls that had come and gone over the years.  Even sweet Claire, the girl he dated his last year at uni.  She was nice, things were easy, and neither of them put a lot of effort into being together.  He loved her, or at least, he thought he did.  Looking back, he didn’t remember feeling particularly sad when she’d rolled over in his bed the morning after graduation and broken up with him.  He’d simply agreed that it was probably for the best and wished her well.  There were other girls too.  Megan, the barista from his favorite coffee shop who always wore red lipstick and had given him free coffee for two months before he realized she liked him.  When that had ended, he was more upset about having to find a new place to get his morning cuppa.  Then there was Alex, the French Literature major who was subletting the apartment above his.  They’d bonded over a mutual love of crossword puzzles.  Niall had actually thought that was going well until he walked into Harry’s room one morning looking for a spare umbrella and found Alex lounging gracefully in Harry’s bed….naked.  When Harry begged forgiveness for the trespass, Niall had waved him off without another thought.  Then there was Heather.  The infamous “negative date” that garnered him so much grief from his colleagues.  Niall had been drawn in by her long, fiery red hair and sharp tongue.  That, of course, had ended disastrously.  Last he heard she was dating one of the Latin TAs - some bloke called Liam that was usually described as “tall, dark, and handsome.”  That had been the last straw - it was too much effort to waste, so Niall had casually sworn off dating.  When he explained it to Harry, his friend had just sighed and shook his head.  “Hope you’re not expecting some sort of solidarity out of me, mate.”  With that he’d grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and sauntered back into his room for round four with Mel.  Or was it Char?  Niall couldn’t remember, only that it was something short for something else.

Lost in his own thoughts, Niall failed to notice the hurried figure barreling towards him until it was too late.  His shoulder impacted something solid and warm, and he heard a screech as the person he rammed into tumbled onto the sidewalk.  His bag swung around, dislodged from its perch on his shoulder, and he tripped awkwardly trying to right it.  When he finally regained his balance he spun around to see if the other person was alright.  To his shock, he found himself staring down into the steely glare of Poppy Miller.

The first thing Poppy thought when she hit the ground was, “That’s going to leave a mark.”  The second thing Poppy thought was, “I’m going to tear this jerk a new asshole”.  The rampage of words died in her throat when she looked up and found herself staring into a pair of very familiar, very blue eyes.  Before she could think, she managed to unceremoniously croak out, “Oh fuck, it’s you.”  She winced at her own words, acutely aware at how Niall had visibly flinched at them.  She watched as he adjusted his bag, pulling it farther back on his shoulder so he could lean down and offer her his hand.  Poppy slipped her hand into his, mesmerized by how small her fingers looked cradled in his palm.  The warmth from his skin seeped into her pores as he gently pulled her up from the concrete.  As soon as she was upright he dropped her hand.  Poppy shivered at the loss, flexing her fingers over and over to try and hold onto the lingering heat from his grasp.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you -” Niall started.

“You should watch where you’re going, you know.”

Poppy interrupted him, almost out of reflex.  She clapped her mouth shut, silently kicking herself.  She’d felt guilty about what had happened in the classroom all day.  As soon as she saw the look on his face when she spouted off to him, she realized she may have overreacted.  But, the damage was done and now here she was, digging herself a deeper hole.  She crossed her arms tightly around her chest and peered up at Niall.  He took in her posture and the scowl etched onto her face, and bristled his shoulders.  Poppy could tell he was on edge, like he was waiting for her next strike.

“Right.  Well, sorry - again.  Are you okay? Not hurt or anything?”  Poppy watched as his blue eyes flicked across her body looking for any signs of obvious injury.  It was a completely innocent assessment but each time his eyes found a new part of her body Poppy felt her skin tingle.  She swallowed harshly and shook her head.  “No, I’m fine.  It’s fine.  Probably just a little sore tomorrow, but I’ll live.”  She watched as Niall tucked his bottom lip under his teeth and nodded at her.   “Good.  Okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you in class then.”  Poppy opened her mouth to say something - willing any words to come out.  Before she could make a sound, Niall spun on his heel and loped off down the sidewalk shoving his big hands in the front pockets of his jeans. As he rounded the corner, Poppy’s voice finally decided to materialize.  “Sorry I’m an asshole.”  With a heavy sigh she gripped her bag tight and headed for home.

At the next editorial meeting, Sabrina made it abundantly clear how badly Poppy had handled both run ins with Niall.  Her exact words were, “You’ve let all womankind down, Miller.”  Poppy argued that assessment may have been a bit of an exaggeration, but she couldn’t deny that the simmering knot of shame over her actions had yet to unwind.  She spent the rest of the meeting stewing in self-loathing.  When the rest of the staff shuffled out of the cramped office an hour later, Sabrina got up and closed the door behind them.  She turned and leaned into the door shooting an appraising stare at Poppy’s hunched figure.  “Okay.  Spill.  I’ve never actually seen you pout and mope like this over a guy.  Actually, I’ve never seen you pout and mope about anything, Miller.  What gives?”

Poppy curled her legs underneath her and pulled the sleeves of her hooded sweatshirt over her knuckles.  “It’s not about a guy, Sabrina.  At least…I don’t think it is.  I mean I don’t even care about guys.  My happiness shouldn’t depend on whether a boy thinks I’m pretty.  And I’m not saying he was like that, because actually I think he might be the complete opposite?  I dunno.  It’s hard to explain.”

“Apparently.  Because you’re doing an absolute shit job of it.”

Poppy lobbed a crumpled sheet of paper at her friend and sighed heavily.  “Fuck off, you know I’m not good at feelings.”

“I know sweetie, and I’m not saying you need to find some sort of version of self worth by dating.  But, you know it is possible to have a relationship and not lose yourself in it, right?”

Sabrina approached Poppy carefully, kneeling in front of her.  “Not every man is looking to own you.  And despite what your mother keeps telling you,  your life will not end if you don’t have a diamond ring by graduation.”

Poppy considered Sabrina’s words carefully while replaying all the times she’d purposely pushed guys away over the years.  Poppy wasn’t prude, by any standards, but she had a knack for completely tossing guys aside as soon as she deemed them “too familiar”.  Unfortunately, at a small liberal arts university, word travelled quickly.  Midway through sophomore year it had gotten back to Poppy that she had earned a reputation as “difficult” and “not worth it”.  In true Poppy fashion, she considered that a win and declared herself better off.  She promptly shelled out some cash for a good vibrator and called it a day.  

“It’s just the way he looked at me, Sabrina.”  The picture replayed in Poppy’s mind - the blue in Niall’s eyes flashing from a deep caribbean blue to a cold steel grey as if every emotion he was feeling was concentrated in the tiny ring of his iris’.  Sabrina, trying desperately to lighten the mood, nudged at Poppy’s knees.

“What?  Like you’d gone off the deep end?”

Poppy snorted and looked away.  “No.  He looked at me like…like I had just validated every single terrible thing a girl had ever said to him.  And the instant I did it, I knew it was wrong.  In the thirty seconds we were face to face I saw every single emotion play out in his eyes, Sabrina.  And it scared the hell out of me.  I’ve never been able to read someone like that.”

“Oh honey”, Sabrina cooed, “so why’d you freak out on him the second time?”

Poppy groaned and tipped her head back, absentmindedly rubbing the fading purple hue on her hip from where she’d hit the pavement.  “I don’t know!  I panicked.  He was just right there, and he smelled good, and my ass hurt from falling, but then he looked at me and I felt like I was on fire and I just…..short circuited.”  With a frustrated growl, she hung her head between her shoulders.  “I’m a fucking disaster.”

Sabrina patted Poppy’s knees lightly.  “Think of it this way, there’s only ten more weeks in the semester.  So tops, you see him twenty more times.”  Poppy picked her head up and glared at her friend.  

“I hate you.”

Sabrina smiled wickedly and tipped her head forward.  “No you don’t.”

For the next few weeks, Poppy tried her damnedest to ignore Niall. That was a fairly monumental task considering she was forced to sit through his class twice a week.  Each time she slid into her seat she could feel his eyes on her.  But when she flicked her own eyes up, his stare would be fixated on some random part of the room.  She got the distinct impression he was determined to find any piece of chipping paint or curling tile more interesting than meeting her gaze.  That didn’t stop her from finding herself studying the way his long legs stretched out under his desk.  Or noticing that he had a system for rotating his funky socks (stripes, then polka dots, then chevron).  She even found herself craving the lilt of his voice, even though the subject matter was less than appealing.  Niall made the political tensions in eastern Europe during the 1980s sound like a Harlequin romance novel.  

Unfortunately by the fourth quiz returned to Poppy with a bright red “C-” on it, she realized even Niall’s voice couldn’t make the information stick in her brain.  It took the entire hour of class to build up the courage to approach him.  Poppy had done the quick math, and at the rate she was going with these quizzes, she wasn’t going to pass the class.  And if she didn’t pass, she didn’t graduate early.  And if she didn’t graduate early…well, technically nothing would happen, but it was the principal of the thing now.  When students around her started shuffling papers into their bags and leaving, Poppy was shocked to realize she’d basically missed the entire lecture by being caught up in her own internal battle.  The irony that she missed all the material because she was so stressed about not doing well in the class wasn’t lost on her.  She steeled her resolve and slowly packed up her things, waiting for the last few students to head out.

“Um, Niall? Do you have a second?” Poppy tried to use her nicest voice, the one she usually reserved for small children and the elderly Japanese woman who always slipped an extra spicy sauce container into her sushi takeout box. She didn’t miss the sharp breath Niall sucked through his nose at the sound of her voice.

“Miss Miller. What can I do for you?”

Poppy deflated a bit at the use of her surname.  It seemed stiff and formal, and she swallowed harshly trying to get rid of the bad taste it left in her mouth.  “I’m concerned about my quiz scores?  It’s just that…I need to pass this class to graduate early and I’m just not doing well.”  Poppy’s voice trailed off and she pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her fists; a habit that had left the ends of most of her clothes slightly frayed.  

Niall scraped his bitten nails through the short dark hair at the back of his neck.  He was slightly dumbstruck that she had actually approached him.  He’d had a email about her grade sitting in his drafts folder for two days - waiting for the moment he would find the nerve to hit send.  The thought of direct interaction with her set him on edge.  “Right, yes.  Actually, I’ve been meaning to contact you about that.  I apologize for not emailing ya sooner.”  He felt a blush rise over his cheeks and looked up to peer into her face.

Poppy was chewing on her bottom lip, leaving it a little swollen and rosy from the sharp pinch of her teeth.  Niall couldn’t help but stare at it, watching in awe as the color spread across her plump lip.  “Is it the material you’re not understanding?  I mean, are ya caught up with the reading at least?”  

Poppy nodded vigorously and released her lip from its captor.  “Oh no, I mean, yeah I’m caught up.  I’m actually a week or so ahead.”

Niall raised his eyebrows in surprise.  Being ahead in the reading assignments was not only unusual, but also not normally indicative of poor grades.  Poppy sensed his confusion and tried to explain herself.

“I just like to plan and be ahead. So I just have a schedule for the reading.  But, I guess it’s not really doing me any favors right now.”  She let out a nervous chuckle as she shifted her bag across her body.

Niall hummed and rested his chin on his wide palm.  “Well, this material takes a bit more time to digest properly, yeah?  It’s not really meant to be read and regurgitated - it takes some proper time to process and think about what the relationships we’re discussing mean to a larger world view.”  He flicked his eyes up to Poppy’s in a silent question of her understanding.  Poppy nodded slowly as she thought about his words.  

“Well what exactly do you recommend?  I mean, logistically.”

Niall shifted in his seat nervously.  The answer was staring him in the face, but he was apprehensive as hell to even suggest it lest this girl bolt on him again.  He smirked a bit at the thought that maybe “third time’s the charm”, and let his duty to his students overrule any of the wounded pride still lingering inside him.  “I think you need a tutor, Poppy.  You need to read the material and then be discussing it with someone.  Usually I suggest a study group, but in this case, I don’t really think any of the other students are up for that.”  Niall saw a flash of embarrassment pass over Poppy’s face and immediately started back tracking.  “No no no, sorry, it’s not because of you personally!  S’just that everyone else is a senior or fifth year.  They’ve all had a lot more background in political theory, so they’re better at it.  Fuck.  Sorry, I’m not trying to say you’re bad at it.  But you kinda are.  Shit, I mean it’s just….I’m sure you’re smart…”  Niall stopped himself and untucked the blue pen perched behind his ear, flinging it down onto his notebook.  “Christ, look - m’ willing to tutor you if you want.  I know you’re not my biggest fan but I’ve got the time, and I thi-”

“Yes!”

Niall gaped in surprise, finding a small amount of comfort in the fact that Poppy’s facial expression seemed to mirror his own.  She’d blurted out her acceptance impulsively and appeared to be shocked that her voice had acted without the support of her brain.

He closed his mouth and nodded.  “Ok then, well I think maybe three times a week to start?  Got my office hours, and then maybe Friday evenings as well?  So we can get ya caught up.  See how the midterm goes and then maybe go down to twice a week?”

Poppy nodded, still feeling as though she was on the cusp of having an out of body experience.  She pulled her planner out of her bag to jot down Niall’s office hours and block out her Friday nights for the next few weeks.  “Okay, that works for me.  Thank you….for doing this.  I know it’s your job and everything, but I just appreciate you taking the time.”  Poppy felt her cheeks blush and was delighted to see that Niall’s face was still tinged pink from his earlier rambling.  

Niall smiled, momentarily blinding Poppy with a flash of perfectly straight, white teeth.  His broad shoulder shrugged casually.  “S’no problem.  Want you to do well, I mean I want all my students to do well.  Wouldn’t be much of a teacher if my students were failin’ left and right, now would I?”

Poppy laughed lightly and shook her head.  “No, probably not.  I better run though, I’m sure you’re busy.  Thank you.  Again.  I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Niall clasped his hands behind his head and nodded.  “You got it.  I’ll see ya tomorrow.”  

Poppy turned to head out the door, but stopped just as she reached the threshold.  She spun around and dug into her bag, rooting around for something.  Niall stared questioningly at her, figuring she’d forgotten to hand in her work from class.  A moment later she thrust a flat, black piece of metal towards him shyly and he smirked when he realized what it was.  He reached forward and delicately plucked the phone out of her outstretched hand.  With a playful smile Poppy cleared her throat.

“Niall, can I have your phone number?”

#making the grade #Niall and Poppy #uni Niall #niall au #niall fic #my writing