#so cold n if im not lying down i get stupid dizzy n my balance is all off even just sitting down but standing is absolute ass like im like | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kattwritesuwu · 3 years

Note

Can I request a Clingy!monsterTom x Depressed!Reader? Maybe with cutting and suicidal thoughts?

I sure can!!! I LOVE angst!!!!!

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Fandom: Eddsworld

Character: Tom

Reader: Depressed

Fic type: Comfort/angst

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: This WILL heavily mention suic/de, blood, and perhaps other triggering topics, read at your own risk!!

Notes: People, I'm not trying to make depression and similar illness romantic, this is simply for comfort.

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I hate everything.

Well, not everything, but the majority, y'know? Everything just...sucks. Life in general, it's all terrible.

People are terrible. Sure, I've found a few choice people that aren't the bane of my existence, but even they have their flaws.

Am I saying that I'm some heaven sent angel? Hell no I'm not. I'm just as terrible if not more! I hate everyone, including myself.

Am I lying? Yeah. Do I have a crush on someone? Yeah. Am I gonna do something about it? Nope.

Why should I? It's not like I'll be here longer anyways...

I'm planning to kill myself.

Am I scared? Kind of. But at this point I don't care. I'm always scared anyways. Always on my guard around people.

Most people don't know the fear and pain of constantly feeling...numb.

It's not like I never feel anything, it's just so rare. My most common emotion is pain. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. But all I can ever being myself to do is cry, and even that's a rare occurrence at this point.

I feel so alone.

Friends? Yeah I have a few.... they're all a bit odd in their own way. Can't complain though, they're like family to me.

My real family? Not many immediate ones, plus, I moved to England five years ago. They called me everyday for the first couple of months. Nowadays, I can barely get a text back... I get that they have their own lives in their respective country, but man, it just makes me so cold-feeling...

I guess where I was going with this, is that I'm scared. Not of my inevitable death, but everything else.

I'm scared of anything and everything now that I think about it. I don't exactly mean common fears they talk about in elementary school, I'm talking real world problems.

I'm scared of failure, not sure why. I've failed enough in my life....it shouldn't even faze me at this point.

Im especially scared of people.

My friends? Yeah them too. What if I make a fool of myself and they think I'm an idiot? What if I make the wrong move, and they hate me? They probably hate me enough as it is...

That why I won't confess to Tom. He'll hate me afterwards. There's just no point in ruining something for nothing in return.

These were the thoughts that ran through my head as my arms and legs were sliced up by a blade driven by my own hands. It's wasn't like it hurt. All it really did was sting, I'm just that used to being hurt, I suppose.

As I was wrapping up my little 'session' I heard a knock on my door,

"(Y/N)! You in there? It's dinner time! I made breakfast for dinner!" A British accent leaked through my door.

I didn't scramble around at the thought of him walking in, my door was locked after all. It's not like I'm that stupid.

" I'll be there in a few minutes, Edd." I spoke back in a raspy voice, not bothering to yell. Edd has good ears, he can somehow hear a whisper from across the house.

It takes me a minute or two to get up and walk into the bathroom that connects to my room. I stumble a bit with the loss of blood.

Once I get in there I take a quick shower, just barely long enough to stop the bleeding and make it appear as if you just took an actual shower.

Once I get out of the shower, I slip on my (favorite color) hoodie.

That was an easy part of hiding my self abuse. Everyone in the house wore a hoodie of their own designated color.

I also slipped on a longer article of clothing to go onto my legs. Couldn't let them see my thighs either.

Once I finished the rest of my cleaning up, I headed out of my little bathroom, and in front of my door. I took a deep breath, put on a smile, and walked out.

I got about halfway down the stairs before a screech startled me, causing me to trip a bit,

" (Y/N) IS HERE! YAY!" The high pitch British scream could only belong to the narcissistic ginger known as Matt.

Once I got my balance back into my feet, I continued down the stairs and greeted Matt with a wave.

" Yeah she lives here, idiot. She's not going anywhere." A deeper voice had spoken, I turned around and Tom was there as expected. I smile shrunk a bit at his last comment.

" Sup (y/n)." You snapped out of your thoughts and responded with a casual 'yo.'

The three of us then heard a thick accent cursing in the kitchen, no doubt it was Tord,

" For jævla skyld! Just let me have the last piece!!"

Sure enough, when we walked into the kitchen, Edd and Tord were fighting over the last piece of bacon. I let out a sigh, and the two boys finally acknowledged our existence. That alone didn't stop their argument though.

I didn't even bother attempting to break up the fight, I never could anyways. Their little fuss always ends one of two ways. Edd steals the bacon from under Tord's nose, or vise versa.

I just grabbed a small portion of food, and sat down.

I knew I would be gone by the end of tonight...but I wanted to taste Edd's cooking one last time.

Something interesting happened, instead of one of the two boys getting the bacon, they halved it and sat down. Of all my four years living in this house with these people, they've never shared their bacon.

Strange.

Dinner wasn't as talkative as it usually was when we all ate at the table. Usually we'd all have a big group discussion about our day, or week. Tonight was quiet, giving me an opportunity,

" Hey, guys?" Each one of their heads turned to me, and Edd signalled me to continue,

" I just wanted to say, thank you." Their brows furrowed but I held out a hand to tell them to let me finish,

" You four have helped me with so much over the past few years. From when you let me live here when I couldn't find proper housing situations, to letting me borrow the car. I just wanted to formally tell you all how grateful I really am. You are truly the kindest people I've ever met." As I went on talking, I realized how bad of an idea this actually was.

I mean, will they get suspicious? I'm just showing gratitude right? It shouldn't sound like a cry for help or anything...

As I snapped out of thought for the fiftieth time today, I notice that all of the boys have some type of smile on their face, even Tom!

Edd was smiling like a proud mother,

Matt was smiling giddily,

Tord had a smug, 'cool guy' smile,

And Tom had the smallest smile that made my heart melt.

I awkwardly continued my fake smile, and sat down.

Conversation continued on as would on a normal night, with the topic being past pleasant memories.

I volunteered to wash the dishes, it was the least I could do. There was only one problem. For some ungodly reason, Tom had insisted on helping me.

I couldn't figure out why at first, untill it dawned on me that he probably needed something from me.

So as I scrubbed the forgetten food off of the ceramic plate, he rinsed and dried them. We did this in silence, aside from the running water. Tom's the first one to break the tension filled silence,

" So, how have you been?" It was such a simple question, I could have simply faked a toothy grin, and said that I was great. I could have thanked him for asking. I could have asked him back.

But I only did one of those things.

" I've been doing just as good as I always do." I reply with a small sad smile. I tear my eyes away from the dish water," How about you? You've been awfully quiet tonight."

He chuckles lowly," Just had a lot on my mind, trying to face some of my problems, that's all." I stop what I'm doing and look over at him,

" Do you want to talk about it? I think the others are asleep already."

Normally when Tom is having any type of problem, he comes to me for advice, or even just for someone to listen to him rant when he's drunk. I even gave him a spare key to my room if he ever needs me while I'm asleep. He's offered the same for me, but I told him that I have a counselor. I try not to lie to my housemates all the time, only when necessary.

He simply shakes his head in response," Nah, this is one I have to deal with on my own," I sigh,

" Alright then, but keep my offer in mind. Just try to remember to see me before I go to bed, I'm...going to bed early tonight. I have something to do tommorow." He nods in understanding.

After we finish the dishes, we say our goodnights,

" I'll see you in the morning, (y/n)." I give one last fake smile,

" Same to you, Tom. Sleep well." I see him nod and walk down the hall as I close my door and lock it for the final time.

I walk into my bathroom and look into the mirror. All I see is a monstrosity of a person glaring back at me.

The bags under my eyes had only gotten worse after the sleepless nights I spent writing my suicide note.

I decided to skip reading over it one last time, I want nothing that could alter my decision at hand here. If I read my dying love letter that's written to Tom, I might stop myself in some kind of silly hope that everything could be okay again. It was too late for all that now.

So, I grabbed my blade that had served me well over the years, and stepped into the bathtub. I didn't cry, I didn't shake in fear of what I was about to do. I sadly smiled instead. As I took my hoodie off, revealing a tank top that no one knew I owned. I set my hoodie softly onto the floor, and turned on the hot water.

I took a deep breath in, and sigh, grabbing my blade and getting to work on my first artery. It took me a couple tries to find it.

But once I did, it started the red tint in the once clear bath water. I took in a shaky breath, adjusting to the dizziness of loosing so much blood so quickly.

At this point I couldn't even hear the bathwater running, everything was muffled.

I reached to turn it off, and a hand was placed onto mine. It takes me a good second to register that there was someone next to the tub, yelling my name right next to my face.

I try my best to focus on who could have caught me. Yet it's so difficult to take in my surroundings at this point.

So as I stare at the person beside my bathtub with fading eyes. I feel pressure on my wound, and see something being wrapped around it.

I start panicking, trying to say no, to let me die.

But I just can't. I just watch as my life is saved against my will.

Suddenly I can see that I'm moving, I can't figure out how until I notice the arms carrying me bridal style to a soft surface. That's when I lost consciousness for the next hour.

I didn't exactly 'wake up' more like fazed into existence. It's like I just gradually became aware of what was around me.

I became aware of the sobs coming from my bedside, and of the pressure squeezing my hand.

I forced my eyes open and tried to sit up. Yet I instantly regretted my decision, pain shot throughout my body. I glance over to my hand and up the....purple arm....

Who is this? Or perhaps I should say, what is this?

It's some kind of...monster? Hybrid? It looked kind of human... I could only see the torso and up. Even then, the arms grew bigger the farther down the arms stretched, and turned a deeper and deeper shade of purple. Horns poked out of the head laying slightly onto my shin, poking me a bit.

" Am-" I hold my throat. That hurt. I clear my throat of the mucus and start again as the unknown monster wakes up,

" Am I dead?"

The monsters head shoots up, and I can't help but recognize the 'eyes' that I've grown to love.

" T-Tom..."

He tries to smile for me, but it twists into a sad frown as his black orbs start to water,

" (Y/n)....(y/n) you're...y-you're okay! You're okay..." He said this over and over again as he cupped my cheeks with his transformed hands.

I grab onto his forearm to steady his shaking. This was starting to scare me.

I had never seen this man shed a tear in front of me, yet alone bawl into my shoulder like he was doing now,

" Tom, it's okay, I'm right here." I whispered this, and many other reassurances into his ear. Confirming to him that it was going to be okay and that, to my displeasure, I wasn't going anywhere.

He seemed to get angry after a few minutes, he ripped himself away from me and took hold of my shoulders,

" WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T RIGHT HERE? WHAT IF I HADN'T OF WALKED IN!! WHAT THEN HUH? YOU WOULDN'T BE RIGHT HERE!!! YOU'D BE GONE!! I would have...lost you..." He slid down the side of my bed as he finished his outburst. He sat crying into his knees.

I didn't know what to do. Is he mad at me? But despite the questions, I acted without thinking.

I began to run my fingers through his hair, almost brushing it. He seemed surprised at first, before he leaned into my touch.

" I'm sorry Tom. I didn't think it would effect you like this..." All was silent for a few moments. Until,

" Why..?" He sniffled a few times before I could respond.

" Why? Why what?" He looked up to me,

" Why would you try to leave me?" I couldn't even bring myself to say anything after that. Tom seemed to sense the frog in my throat, and continued,

" You don't realize, (y/n). You don't realize how special you are. To your family, your friends. I mean bloody hell (y/n)! What about us?! Edd would be heartbroken! And how are we supposed to explain something like that to Matt?" I avoided the possible eye contact and twidled my thumbs in my lap,

" What about me (y/n)? How am I supposed to go on living with myself if you, the love of my life, killed herself?" My mind went blank. He took my hand in between both of his,

" I know this isn't the greatest time for this, but if it'll boost your self esteem even a little bit, I don't care about embarrassing myself. (Y/n) (L/n), I am deeply in love with you, and have been since you moved in. I've loved you since you helped me to bed when I came in drunk all those years ago. I've loved you since you beat my Pac-Man score at the arcade, I acted so mad, but you were just so cute so excited like that... (Y/n)... Please let me help you love yourself by loving you..."

By the time he was done with his speech, I was in tears, a small frown on my face. He seemed to get the wrong idea as he instantly dropped my hand and got up,

" I got the message, I'll just uhm... I'll just g-" I grabbed his hoodie strings and pulled him in for a kiss.

We could both tell that there would be many more to come.

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I'm sorry if it's extremely long, I just love to write angst haha...

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the-mic-drop · 4 years

Audio

Class 1-A Cypher by Rustage

Lyrics below the cut

Izuku Midoriya - Deku (Performed by Rustage)

Call me Deku, I’m starting out on this cypher

I was quirkless, but by working I’m deserving something higher

It’s my purpose, I’m versing my present, future, and my past

So I’m gonna rock the mic with a Detroit Smash

Taking a second, I’m breaking my limit

Hitting with everything, pain I can feel it

I’m straining my muscles, I tussle with enemies

Better be ready, I’m more than a critic

I spit it, exhibit it all night

I’m killing it, chilling with All-Might

A villain inhibited by my ability

in minutes you’re watching my school fight

Fumikage Tokoyami - Tsukuyomi (Performed by Shwabadi)

When you cross this bird, you might get to see me wield the talons

So absurd how I’m applying subverse talents

Yes I’m cursed, carry a demon, I’m full of malice

Even worse for you when striking a bitter balance

Dark claws harming the vermin that are below me

Start wars, armed with determination and Oni

Get back, I’ve been endangering those who know me

Jet Black Hero, they’re calling me Tsukuyomi

Ochaco Uraraka - Uravity (Performed by DaisyBanaisy)

I’ll make you float as I’m messing with zero gravity

Don’t mean to gloat when I’m calculating these strategies

Rapidly climbing casually, my quirk “lacks in lethality”

but actually your apathy will lead straight to your casualty

I’ll happily fight for justice, with all of my capacity

My motive’s money, thankfully that don’t define morality

Reality is I’m just helping others for my family

I’m saving all humanity, don’t you mess with Uravity!

Tenya Iida - Ingenium (Performed by Dan Bull)

I’ve got many a twitch, that’s the Tenya itch

I’m like my test scores, I got plenty of tics

Academic, educated, but I never skip leg day

Still regretful of the day that I met Stain

Enraged, by what he did to my brother Tensei

I didn’t handle it the best way, I dare say

Left my hand damaged in remembrance of fair play

I’m representing Class 1-A, they’re my best mates

Tsuyu Asui - Froppy (Performed by Sophia Dere)

Ribbit Ribbit, exhibit a hero’s spirit

I’m in it and so I’ll win it

When I’m swimming, yeah I won’t stop

This frog’s idyllic not a gimmick in a minute

I be launching in to kill it

Like a frog, I’m bringing mad hops

My tongue’s deadly, spitting and I take charge

and then I’m turning invisible with my camoflage

In the water, no villain can dare to stop me

You’re looking sloppy, now you’re facing Froppy

Hanta Sero - Cellophane (Performed by VideoGameRapBattles)

Lucky 13 of the A-1 team

Kid I spit great mixtapes, stick your team

Wraps so clean,

and I’m sealing all the matches now that Cellophane will bring the pain all wrapped up in a package

Getting shipped with tons of damage, but there’s no send backs

Shut you up with my bind attacks

Get back, ‘cause you know that I’ll be winning

in this sticky situation, so I think you better stick it.

Mezo Shoji - Tentacole (Performed by Dreaded Yasuke)

You can call me wall that have ears, door that have eyes

Meaning I’m cavalier when it comes to fighting just like a spy

In close combat, my dupli-arms is coming for the harm

and I’m laughing at you if you’re trying disarm

I’ll sacrifice for everybody exhausting my quirk

Even when I’m down for the count, I’m disguising my smirk

You can cut off all of my limbs, I’m still coming in a burst

Class 1-A will always come first

Kyoka Jiro - Earphone Jack (Performed by Savvy Hyuga)

It’s ya edgy girl, Earphone Jack

Utilizing my quirk in both stealth and combat

I guess I can see how you think I fell flat

but lemme show you how I make up for that

with punk rock attacks

When my earlobes are growing

you know they whippin and probin

an’ now they got you tip-toeing

findin the range that my tone is

It’s not your typical motion n my moves don’t need compression

It’s just another jam session featuring my form of expression

Denki Kaminari - Chargebolt (Performed by Dizzy Eight)

It’s time to put in work, I got this cypher on lock

I don’t need my quirk when this verse will leave you shocked

Like a battery, I got the juice, so they put me in a box

When my positive means negative, I’m like “so watt?”

You don’t want that static with me homie it’s fatal

I got so much energy, I’m plugged in without the cable

On the low, I’ll leave everybody on the scene disabled

I’m underrated, but in a flash, I’ll leave you endangered

Shoto Todoroki - Shoto (Performed by None Like Joshua)

It’s Todoroki, I chose to be cold and lonely

Nobody can hold me with the inferno, I’m overloading

From a broken home to known hero I’m going up slowly but surely

and be better than Endeavor whether it’s hot or it’s snowing

Even if I’m behind, I’ll be sure to make Bakugo see

I do it for All of his Might or to stop killer Stain, forget any trophy

So now that you’re immobilized and then frozen in pain, no one can approach me

Put up a wall of my ice or a wall of my flames to build your enclosing

Rikido Sato - Sugarman (Performed by GameboyJones)

Give me 10 grams of white, then I’m activated (um)

Wait, I’m talking ‘bout the sugar that I took

Got a sweet tooth for taking out these villains ‘cause they’re agitating

Plus the girlies like a guy that can cook

Call me Sato the Macho, I’m saving these streets

Yeah these nachos are not yours, I need me a treat

and this crime fighting’s hard work, it can leave me beat

but like candy and cakes, being me is real sweet

Mina Ashido - Pinky (Performed by StarGirl)

The corrosive caped crusader, Pinky here to save the day

and end up taking center stage upon these lyrics that I lay up

Easygoing, I’m passionate in battle, I’m not passive

See it flowing I don’t spit fire, I spit acid

Hypnotic fashion sense, I leave you in a trance

I’m good at fighting, my other skills are in dance

Protect my friends, we’re going in on advance

Mina Ashido, you don’t even stand a chance

Eijiro Kirishima - Red Riot (Performed by NerdOut)

Kirishima’s here, everybody stand down

I’mma activate a quirk and give your chest a hand pound

With these Red Gun Turrets yeah the target is locked

I’m a boulder with a boner, man I’m hard as a rock

I’m unbreakable, cannot penetrate this armor

and I don’t need a little blue pill to get harder

I’m full of energy, enemies looking dead tired

Blood running in the street, you can call it Red Riot

Koji Koda - Anima (Performed by Connor Rapper)

I’m the quiet type, lying with the wildlife

When I’m on, you wouldn’t even need subtitle lines

Nervous around others, I’m the last one who would yell loud

But to be a hero, then I need to break the shell now

Yo it’s Koda bringing massive noise, flowing with that Ani-Voice

That timid kid with rabbit toys no longer acting coy

Drinking honey tea, facing my fear of bugs and bees

Get a bull stampeding with the words like I’m Douglby

Yuga Aoyama - Can’t Stop Twinkling (Performed by Zach Boucher)

Never needed fame or money, I can get it later

Even though it hurts my tummy, when I use my navel laser

I have got finesse, snazzier than all the rest

I’m the best, nothing less

being honest, not a flex, I’m a threat

It’s getting harder to stomach, I’ve got the smarts and I love

I’m certainly perfect, it hurts just like the art of seduction

Heart of a Puma, get ready to lose

I’ll be spreading the truth

and y’all are stupid if you choose to fight against the Yuga

Momo Yaoyorozu - Creati (Performed by HalaCG)

I’ve got the quirk creation and patience to work it

Balancing equations, don’t even need to research it

Sequencing elements, a testament to intelligence

You’d better watch out ‘cause I’m not feeling very benevolent

If a person’s in trouble, just wait and see what I’ll do

I can literally make anything. Overpowered, who?

Overpowered, who?

I meant I’ll overpower you

It’s true, sincerely Class 1-A’s Momo Yaoyorozu

Minoru Mineta - Grape Juice (Performed by Nux Taku)

Where the ladies at? (ay)

Mineta’s here to peek at women that I’m gazing at

People thinking that I’m weak, but you know what I say to that

Leave you in a sticky situation with my grape attacks

Underestimating me? You’re lacking information

Incapacitation, when you’re facing me, frustration

Master of flirtation, pretty much the top dog

You ain’t ever coming close when I pop off

Ojiro Mashirao - Tailman (Performed by Rockit Gaming)

Ojiro, the Tailman, you get what you train for

Master martial artist, black belt on my waist though

Nobody even really understands me

Got intelligence, can’t predict any hit that I’m landing

Classmate you confide in with dignity

You can wear a costume, all I got on is a gi

Noble attitude, that’s my personality

Accept results that I earn with my own abilities

Toru Hagakure - Invisible Girl (Performed by Outcast Rae)

Take you by surprise, yeah, I can do it easy

Miss me with your eyes, yeah, you can’t even see me

No matter what you try, yeah, you can never beat me

Feels a little cheesy, like a wish from a genie

When it comes to action, my quirk is in light refraction

so it has the side effect of never being a distraction

Sneak up on my enemies, let me be the best assassin

Toru Hagakure, you can feel my passion

Katsuki Bakugo - Kacchan (Performed by DaddyPhatSnaps)

I don’t think you other heroes are even listenin’

Maybe I should focus your attention with some ‘glycerin

You don’t even get it, there’s really no competition

I’m lighting these rookies up, boi, I’m slaying on every mission

I’ll show them once and for all, little Deku won’t know what hit ‘im

I will get the recognition, exploding the opposition

I will be the greatest hero that ever took the position

So come at me little bitches, I’ll make you wish that you didn’t

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