#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#oh wow... #i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day... #all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words: #''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in'' #which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it? #forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me? #pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread? #panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head? #yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)? #isn't that literally what masking is?! #and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem'' #when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?! #you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above] #my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''.... #same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit'' #ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

[the-army-brat-and-the-nerd]

Hey just finish rewatching smallvile. In your opinion, when did Clark fall in love with Lois?

Hey! Thankyou for the question!

I have no idea where to start with this...So kindly prepare yourself to be subjected to my endless ranting here... (HEAVY Smallville spoilers)

If you ask me, in my so-called universal perspective of "Clois theories" (it's not a theory, it's plain hard truth!)- for Clark Kent, it was love-at-first-sight. It's so painfully obvious to everyone except Lois, of course! *rolling my eyes*. But if we consider Smallville we can and yet can't, at the same time apply this one in theory. Anyway- it took a while for Clark to come to terms with that.

In my opinion- it was always there- the spark is just downright palpable in Gone, in Facade , Requiem(he was prepared to assault that kid when he refused to give him Lois' location!) and nearly every other episode of the series. I guess Clark never gave it a second thought because (duh) it was Lois Lane *he* was talking about, and for him- she seemed to be (she is) rude, bossy, sarcastic, quippy, and way too much for him to handle. Doesn't mean he wasn't smitten though. (It's like that huge grin is reserved ONLY for her)

It might seem all bantering and bickering and teasing from one angle, but for me- I felt he was really free with her. (I mean- you bicker, playfully quarrel and tease a person only when you feel close to them, right? If not, we just probably put this mask of niceness, and formality) It was one of the best things- we got to see that he felt he didn't have to hold much back with her.

And then comes season 5...how am I supposed to explain? He was definitely in some weird way affected that Lois took this teeny-weeny liking for AC, and then in exposed he just trespassed all the gentlemanly qualities instilled in him by his beloved parents (to not stare intrusively at women) and was simply gawking at her. Season 6- Hydro (specific points) and he realized that he liked her? (honorable mention to Crimson and they probably recalled all the "masked feelings in sarcasm" part) But he is still in his denial phase, so he brushed it aside and decided he was in a written commitment with Lana Lang. He must have inwardly cursed himself a lot too (Remember- though Lana was on the verge of marrying Lex Luthor, doesn't mean he was going to give up on the ambition he had in his 6- year old mind!).

Moving on to season 7- those Apocalypse scenes just hit hard..

The episode was just epic in all levels- it just made Clark see things differently, for a minute, and he was unknowingly enjoying the whole prospect of being Lois' knight in shining armor. Season 8.....Odyssey, Instinct and then, committed....

I'm still not used to this scene- he was 100% expecting to be electrocuted there, but it kinda in a way, made him question all that he felt...until they decided with this:

(I did scream "IDIOTS" into the screen)

Anyway, after that minor blow in Bloodline, comes the biggest Siren of the century a.k.a, Bride

They were being stupid and tender and nice and I was like this is it...until- the Universe conspired once again against them.

He ventured for what was a safe zone for him, instead of plunging into the unfamiliar- and well, stuff took the melodramatic route once again...After all that, there were these "moments" all around Hex, Stiletto and Doomsday. However, the absolute epiphany dawned on him with the monorail incident in Savior and then this:

It was a huge moment because, come on:

Yeah- I think he fell somewhere along the way, but decided to accept it, somewhere around this phase. (We could see the mutual pining all over Rabid, and then there's Echo...) Yeah well two weeks without Lois Lane and he was all miserable (he even changed into that dark, gloomy suit of his. Even Ollie insisted on finding him a tailor to stitch him one with happy colors LOL) . Anyway by Crossfire and Pandora, he just got this high powered boost...and well I couldn't be any more ecstatic.

Thanks for asking, and again- sorry it was this long! (Witnessing the heaviest, longest slow burn ever left this impact on me)

#ask #clois #see me rant folks!