#but god all of the takes about jimmy not deserving to meet up with kim in the gene timeline are just making me root for it even harder | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sugdenlovesdingle · 3 years

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You should totally be producer of emmerdale your story with the added village stuff and all that would be better to watch. What would you do as producer?

you mean aside from the obvious - get Ryan to come back as Robert? And robron getting married for the third time and getting Seb back and finally getting their baby?

I'd go with Aaron and Mack for now. Get them together until Robert comes back as added drama for robron reunion 3.0.

Mack himself needs to be fleshed out more. If we're retconning Moira's past, let's do it properly. More Mack and Moira sibling stuff, maybe their dad can come looking for his son? Or some other Long Lost Relative. Also more interactions with his new roommates. Let him be mates with Ellis and Billy too - and maybe not threaten them. And he needs an actual job. Maybe with Aaron at the scrapyard or with the haulage company... or Chas can sack Bob and hire him as a new barman!

Matty and Amy - let them be an actual couple. No stupid sitcom references, no acting like 13 year olds. Let them actually discuss what Matty being trans means for their relationship. What does Amy think about dating a trans man? Is their relationship sexual at all or is Matty not comfortable with that? Does Kyle know Matty as his mum's boyfriend? Let him get bumped up the waiting list for his bottom surgery and let Amy support him through his recovery. I could write an essay on this because the way emmerdale treat them pisses me off beyond belief.

Vic & Luke - break up, he goes to prison for killing his brother, she gets back together with Ellis and they live happily ever after.

Chaddy - break up! let Chas have that affair with Al. Paddy can get with Mandy.

Tracy and Nate - break up. Let him go stay with his mum and I'm sure Vanessa would like to meet her niece, so tracy can go stay with her for a while.

Dawn and Jamie - dear god just end it already.

Dawn can get with Ryan and Jamie can comfort Mack when Aaron breaks his heart when he gets back together with Robert.

Will, Harriet, Dan, Amelia, Andrea, devil child (Milly), wailing wendy - all leave, never to be seen again.

Samson and Lydia become proper mother and son. Maybe she helps him with the fall out from his suspension or helps him deal with his traumas (he grew up in emmerdale, he's bound to have some)

Noah - no more Jamie's little minion, let him work at the garage with Cain or the scrapyard with Aaron

Sarah - can stay in Scotland... but I suppose she can come back with Debbie. Debbie and Priya *rekindle their friendship* from when they were playing Al and end up falling in love with each other.

Leyla and Liam - break up! Liam belongs with Bernice. Leyla can get with someone new.

Speaking of someone new - I'd bring in a whole new family. Parents and a couple of kids in various age groups. We need some new blood in that village. someone not connected to the dingles. Also Stephen (before Luke goes to prison) and Ethan's mum.

Meena and David - not bothered about them, they can stay together... though she could be fun with Mack too.

Rishi and Manpreet - break up! Manpreet needs to be with Charles. Rishi needs to not act like a 5 year old.

Jai and Laurel - deserve all the happiness in the world. No more drama for them. plus proper therapy to deal with their decision to terminate their pregnancy.

Leanna - boarding school somewhere in northern Russia

Gabby - is a Strong Independent Woman who don't need no man and raises her baby on her own.

Kim - Home farm's top bitch with a soft spot for Lydia and Rhona. They have regular wine dates up at home farm. non spiked wine though.

Jimmy/Nicola go back to being the power couple they are, Juliette takes a long walk off a short cliff.

Liv and Vinny - get back together without their relationship being used for a shitty abusive asshole plot. Also Liv gets a service dog.

Ethan gets to be the powerhouse lawyer he is and work on a big trial - where he falls in love with someone working for the other party.

Matty and Ryan pick up their antiques pimping business again and are a big hit on social media.

Eric and Brenda - break up! Eric should be with Faith. Brenda can go back to being irrelevant and keep the hope twins off screen with bob.

I'm kind of intrigued by that Aaron has an older brother story the tabloids made up... so I'd go with that. Have him show up on the mill's doorstep one day saying "hey, i'm your brother.' from gordon's affair with the guy's mum when Aaron was a baby

I’d bring back Aiesha because i feel like she could be fun with Meena - and the whole my mum used to kind of be your mum thing with Ethan could be interesting.

I’d also bring back Nikhil and Alicia - just because people always say they like them and miss them. I don’t really know them but that’s beside the point.

Reunite vanity - it has to be done. But Charity isn’t watered down to Vanessa's needy little minion and gets to keep her personality and her shares in the haulage firm. Also she gets to say she’s bisexual.

Vanessa goes back to being a vet and pulls rank on Jamie as senior member of staff. No more him sneaking off with Dawn all the time. And she and Charity share custody of Johnny with Kirin.

April - takes to hanging out at her old house with The Lads and Mack teaches her all kinds of Scottish swear words, while the other 3 try to be Good Role Models for her.

Marlon and Rhona live happily ever after. Rhona picks up the pieces of Marlon’s sanity every time he tries to get The Lads to pay their rent on time or stops by their house in general. Mack’s new hobby is to wind him up as much as he can.

#emmerdale #robron #Ramblings #long post

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kiraalexander · 7 years

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So, while Kim’s scene with Paige put me through the wringer, her scene with Jimmy’s the one that really broke my heart. Let’s unpack it and compound the suffering!

We start out at the office, where Jimmy comes in from a day in which, like his car, his powers of persuasion have sputtered and ultimately died. He’s low, he’s small, he’s powerless, and he’s losing money. So his getting Kim out of the office is as much a way of exerting control over a situation as it is an attempt to blow off steam.

As an inveterate McWexler stan, it’s fun to see Jimmy playfully manhandle Kim out of her chair, and to see her play along by letting him, while halfheartedly saying no. We know them both well enough to know that if Kim really couldn’t go out, she would not be going out, and Jimmy wouldn’t fight. But here, they’re taking care of each other: Kim, by letting Jimmy control where she goes and what she does, and Jimmy by taking Kim out of what’s becoming an extremely unhealthy set of working habits. (Whether going out drinking is a healthy way to deal with overwork is open to debate, but it’s certainly a Jimmy way.)

Jimmy takes Kim to the bar where they first rolled Ken Wins. It’s a meaningful place for them both, because it’s where this cycle of their relationship started. But it’s even more meaningful to Jimmy, because that’s the first place where he showed Kim his power, his talent, and his nature. And Kim rose to the occasion by showing power and talent of her own, as well as a willingness to participate and play with him in a way he hasn’t experienced since Marco died. It’s the place where they first became partners, and the first step they took to becoming the ride-or-die legal team we saw in 3x5.

Their conversation is funny and fun, but because they have Jimmy’s PPD hanging over their heads, they can’t act on any of their schemes. So there’s a masturbatory quality to the conversation, which is fine with Kim. But to Jimmy, whose past few days have been defined by a lack of performance, it’s unsatisfying.

So Jimmy sees the rude martini guy, and his mind immediately goes to Chuck. I think specifically it’s a callback to Chuck’s treatment of Ernie while Ernie was caring for him, although martini guy’s behavior is much more strident and over the top than Chuck’s snide comments and microaggressions. It also harkens back to Jimmy’s own treatment of the delivery guy earlier in the episode, especially since Jimmy’s behavior in that instance was very out of character for him. He wants to punish not only Chuck, but the part of himself that went Chuck-ward in a moment of extreme financial stress.

Jimmy begins spinning his scheme, but it quickly devolves into less of a scheme and more of a fantasy - one that becomes disturbingly self-flagellating and sexual. Remember that Kim and Jimmy’s season 2 scams were deliberately nonsexual in nature. They posed as brother and sister, and their scams were all posed as business investments. While it's true that Kim hooked Dale by accepting his drinks and flirting with him, she de-sexualized the situation by calling her "brother" to meet them, and turning the conversation to their "business venture."

Here, though, Jimmy begins the scheme by telling Kim to "make eye contact" with martini guy, and act "interested," so that he'll try to "steal [her] away" from Jimmy. Jimmy then casts himself as a "loser," packing so much bitterness into the word that Kim physically backs away from him. Then he tells her to say to martini guy, "you can't leave me, not yet," but only because in this situation, she's pretending to scam Jimmy.

Jimmy is setting himself up as the drunk rube in what's essentially a (and I'm not going to use the term with more racial/political connotation here) cheating fantasy, pimping Kim out to someone she's not interested in to serve its purpose, and making her declare that her interest in staying with him is a scam she's perpetrating on him. It's echoing his current sense of insecurity and inferiority, not to mention his romantic past, where we know his then-wife cheated on him with Cicero Chet (and possibly his stepdad), prompting the scenario that led him to Albuquerque in the first place.

We can see from Kim's expression and body language that she's incredibly disturbed by Jimmy's scenario. She puts on the breaks, and Jimmy's so lost in this fantasy, he does a double take before coming back to the present. But Kim's already thinking about what the two of them did to Chuck on the stand, and how much it still bothers her. While initially reluctant to turn the conversation to Chuck, when she admits that it's on her mind, Kim is expressing a desire for trust, intimacy, and empathy between Jimmy and herself.

Jimmy, however, shuts her down, telling her to put Chuck "in the rear view mirror," because Chuck deserves everything that happened to him; that he's "not worth thinking about. And this disturbs Kim more, not just because of Jimmy's lack of conscience or concern about what they did to Chuck, but his unwillingness to take care of her by listening to her concerns and discussing them. And this only compounds her sense of the morally repugnant things Jimmy seems increasingly capable of doing, as well as how he's increasingly able to shut himself off from any sense of remorse.

We watch Kim struggle with this (and Rhea Seehorn's acting is just so mind-blowingly excellent here, my god) and then make a decision, not to leave, and not to press, but to actively take care of Jimmy by going back to their game, rewinding their conversation so they can pretend it didn't happen, and that he hasn't hurt her. It doesn't quite work - the fun and humor have gone - but he lets her do it anyway.

So now we have two people who began a night trying to take care of each other, and ending it with Jimmy's demonstration that he's both unable and unwilling to care for Kim in the way she needs. This is due to circumstance, but also due to his anger, fear, self-righteousness and resentment. And it's dawning on Kim as well as us that she's no longer in a sustainable partnership. She can't leave him, not yet... but it may not be much longer before she realizes that not only can she leave, she must.

#again sorry about the terrible screencap I tried #my talents do not lie in screencapping but rather obsessive over-analysis #mcwexler #kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #bcs #bcs spoilers #bcs 3x7 #get ready for suffering®#there will never be a rainbow #seriously my heart broke in two #two? hell into threes and fours #bcs meta #bob odenkirk #rhea seehorn #long post

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[SP] Pathetic

I've been staring at the TV for the past hour.

Not unusual... In usual times.

The TV's off. It's been off for the past five days, yet I still seem quite content to lounge and stare absent-mindedly at my distorted reflection on the black screen.

I'm glad I can't make anything distinct out... I reckon I'd look as bad as I feel. Ever since the announcement came things have changed.

It was a Sunday night and I was adhering to my tradition of drinking a box of wine and lamenting on how my life at the age of twenty-seven had devolved into a slow, meandering existence. You know, millennial bullshit.

As I was glugging down my fourth, but certainly not my last glass of vino, I was distracted when the TV almost fucking killed me. The speakers must have been blown out by the racket that thundered in. I must have looked a picture; those last drops of wine from the glass caught in my throat and I flapped around like a whale at sea-world desperate to be put out of its misery.

When I regained my composure and assured myself I'd never gain any respect, I stared at the TV which had finally shut up. Now a black screen was dominated by big bold letters -

STAY CALM - A MESSAGE FOR THE NATION INCOMING

What. The. Fuck.

Phone. Contacts. Mum.

Of course she didn't answer. I can picture it now; she's sat in bed, some true-crime documentary playing on the TV, and he'll be lying next to her. When her phone wakes up and my picture appears he'll stare at my mum and give her the it's late honey, we don't have the time to deal with her right now look. She'll return with the Thank god you said it, now I can at least pretend I was coerced into ignoring my only daughter, you're just the best Jimmy, I'm so glad I got married to you and threw that little shit out of our home so we can fuck with the doors open look.

That's it. That's my only point of contact. I felt pathetic at that point. As in, I truly understood what the feeling of pathetic was; there's a physical drop in your stomach and shivers run down your back...you become hot and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability hits you in the core. You could say that wasn't the best feeling to be overcome with as the TV emitted another assault to my eardrums.

The sound dissapated again and this time a voice replaced it almost immediately. It was the voice I had been expecting as soon as I saw the first message. Our great and glorious President.

My fellow Americans. It is with a heavy heart I speak to you tonight. Firstly I am very sorry for interrupting your Sunday evening, I'm sure many of you are quite afraid and concerned right now. I'd love to be able to tell you that there's no reason to worry, but I'm afraid I simply can't...

Phone. Recently Called. Mum

The United States today received information regarding an unprecedented and immovable obstacle to the continuation of not only our own existence, but that of every living thing on our planet...

Call was rejected again. I bet he slapped it out of her hand that time. No way would she ignore me, she must have been watching this as well?

There is an asteroid roughly twelve miles in diamater on a collision course with Earth. Projections are that it will strike us in seven days and the impact will result in the total annihilation of us and our home...

You go through the motions of acceptance incredibly quickly. It's not a drawn out process. I'll explain how mine happened -

Bullshit. He's the president of the United States of America addressing the entire nation. Okay, this is serious.

I know this is quite a shock. I presume many of you are wondering why I am being so open and frank about this. Well... I guess there's no more contingency plans or exit strategies to care about any more. It was important enough that I have decided, against the wishes of my advisors, to tell you the truth and allow you to go out in whichever way you feel is right and justified. I leave you with only one request - depart this world showcasing the best of humanity. Put our compassion, dignity and honour on a pedestal and let us move onto the next great adventure proud. Good luck to you all. Goodnight America

Then it was over. The screen flipped back to my original programming. I can't work out if Kim Kardashian was a vacuous waste of air and cells before or after I realised my world was over and nothing I ever did or dreamed about mattered anymore. Probably before, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

The sound of my phone ringing came at me like it was trapped down a well, far off in the distance. I picked it up and my heart did one of this slight jumps when you get excited.

Mum. I'm scared

It's not your mother, it's Jimmy.

oh...

Look I'm calling to tell you me and your mother have decided to take off. I can't explain and to be honest, I won't. I'm sure you've just heard the president.

Erm okay. Well... Where should I meet you?

Meet us? What are you talking about!

Meet you so we can all be together obviously!

I think you've misunderstood this whole situation. I'm not surprised, you never where very bright... Look. You're not coming with. I called to make sure you didn't come running down here and waste your time. Just stay away from us.

Go fuck yourself Jimmy, put my mum on now!

Your mother doesn't want to speak to you. This has been coming a long time if I'm honest. How could you not see it? The heartache and trauma you have caused that poor woman. You should have the deceny to respect her last wishes and stay away. Don't you dare cause your mother any more heartbreak

I'll hear that from her you teet suckling leach

Then it happened. From somewhere in the background I heard her voice.

Just go away Kate! Jimmy has spoken for the both of us

I like to think she was sat at the dresser table at the side of the bed. Cigarette in hand and her mascara running down her face. Shaking so bad she couldn't get a proper drag and staring vehemently at Jimmy, who had forced her to lose all sense of humanity and compassion.

But it's more likely that OJ is innocent and Twilight is actually a good film if you look at it's artistic merits.

No, she would have been sat at that dresser, ensuring the phone was on loudspeaker and mouthing instructions to Jimmy, getting more perplexed and angry every time I spoke.

But... Mum, please I'm scared

This is where she would have inhaled deep and arched back ready to deliver her knockout punch. Jimmy would have slunk away from the phone, knowing his work was done and he can stand in the shadows and watch the emancipation in peace.

You listen here and you listen good. The last we spoke I told you I'd reached the end of the road. There were no more chances. I cannot go through this anymore and now with all this shit going on... We deserve to have some peace at the end Kate. Please understand, it's not because we don't love you. It's because we can't fucking stand you.

Oh please, you talk as if I killed someone mum! Im sorry I didn't turn out perfect like you wanted-

The phone cut off. She actually cut me off from her reality with the click of button. It wasn't even a click...a lazy moment of the finger and that's it... I'm gone from their lives.

Like millions of others, I cried myself to sleep that night. First it was pity, then anger and then... Just to get it all out. Once sleep came and I woke the next day, I'd accepted it.

The World of course went insane. For the first couple of days we had the news and social media to keep us informed of everything. The riots. The crime. The depravity. So much for humanity. But then, all that stopped as well.

It only takes two days for the World to just stop. Once every single person suddenly just doesn't give a shit... Its all done. Electricity went - no more lights, no more warmth. Thankfully I'd spent wisely as an introvert. I had a deluxe weighted duvet with special microfibres that retain your body heat. God praises those who late-night drunk shop.

You could also live off my supply of ramen noodles and cherry bakewells for a considerable amount of time, so I wasn't concerned with starving. I didn't have much of an appetite anyway. Finally, my brain decides food is no good when getting healthy is the least important factor in my life.

I know other people are with their families. Well, people who aren't rioting or going around unleashing their inner monster, just because they can. I've got a picture in my head of how I think the perfect family are holding up right now.

There's a mum. A dad. A son and a daughter. Their all grouped together in the living room, sitting in front of a massive open hearth fire playing monopoly and drinking hot chocolate. There's a Christmas tree as well, just for the sake of ensuring this cliché rings as true as possible.

The dad rolls a double and fist bumps the air.

"Oh Ronald... You did it again you lucky man," the mum croons whilst stroking his fringe to the side. He beams. The daughter crosses her arms and huffs.

"Not fair!" she says and scowls. Her brother puts his arm around her and leans his head on the side of hers.

"Now, now Lucy... Don't worry, I won't let daddy hurt you,"

The mum suddenly becomes stiff and looks at her son.

"What do you mean by hurt, Blake?" she asks, her voice a bit shaky.

The son looks at his dad who, pale as a ghost now tries to roll again.

"Nothing honey, I'm sure nothing at all. Come on I passed GO!"

The mum looks now at her daughter who is looking at the ground, shooting nervous glances at her dad. Blake is messing with the corner of the board, avoiding eye contact.

"Ronnie... What's going on?" she says now standing up warily. Another round of glances and finally it dawns on her.

"No...no...NO!"

I can't even pretend to know what a perfect family is. My mind so broken and ill from a lifetime of... Life.

Not a single person from my past has phoned me. Well they didn't when the battery was still working. I'll lie to myself until the end - they've probably been ringing non-stop since it went dead.

I'm alone. So utterly alone. And it's the end of the world.

I'm going to die in a couple of days and the only feeling that comes to me now as I sit here staring back at my shadowy image on that black screen mirror is - pathetic.

submitted by /u/Jam102 [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2K5wgiD

#Blogger #Story

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funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

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25 of Katherine Ryan's most cutting jokes and put-downs

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/25-of-katherine-ryans-most-cutting-jokes-and-put-downs/

25 of Katherine Ryan's most cutting jokes and put-downs

Katherine Ryan is one of the world’s most daring comedians, her comedy bridging the gap between cheeky and offensive, and delivering truths wrapped up in scathing put-downs.

With the Canadian recently being announced as the host for an all-female special of 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, here are some of her most scathing jokes.

[Warning: contains adult humour]

On women and dieting: “We want you to be smaller so that you take up less space. That’s not your space. What if a man wants to golf in it?”

“Beyoncé is so powerful, she reinvented ‘sexy face’. Remember what it used to look like, girls? Little smile? Wrong! ‘Sexy-face’, thanks to Beyoncé, is: there is a bad smell and you’re angry about it.”

“I don’t blame Americans for wanting to come to Canada. I’m very proud to be Canadian. Some have said we should build a wall, the way Trump suggests doing, to keep them out. And Americans are of course larger than Mexicans, the wall wouldn’t even need to be very high.”

On a popular Disney film: “Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to have the words to ‘Let It Go’ in your head all the time until you die? Then come see Frozen. I dare you!”

(Photo: BBC)

“Nobody starts something hoping it will fail – maybe a suicide bombing?”

“Would you trade you life with a teenage girl’s life? Do you remember what it was like when we had no power, no money, and when we did our own eyebrows? No thank you!”

“I think I’m a nice girl but my comedy has been described as kind of nasty. They say I’m Joan Rivers but older, and that hurts!”

“You know that guy who got done for taking a 15-year-old to Paris? Anyone who’s been on holiday with a teenager knows that man deserved a medal, not prison.”

“Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that final surgery – to stop ageing. Finally she nailed it.”

“God bless the British panel shows. They’re the reason I eat!”

“My name is TV’s Katherine Ryan. I used to be an unwelcome surprise on a mixed bill, now I can see that at least a third of you have come to see me on purpose.”

“I’ve lived in England now for 10 years with my lovely daughter. I love having a British child. It’s like having a tiny and ineffective butler at home.”

(Photo: BBC)

“I’m 32-years-old, and I love getting older. I think we grow in value with every day, not the other way around. Ageing just means you didn’t die!”

On Katie Hopkins: “She’s Britain’s most hated women. Does anyone like her? I meet people like this on the street. ‘She came across really well on the TV.’ So did Bill Cosby.”

“You will see women with younger men, but I promise that happens by accident. We’re not out in the club like ‘Ooh, who can I find to do everything for and teach everything to?!”

“Barack Obama, he can sing and he’s, like, cool. And, you know, I experience some climate change when I look at him, I’ll be honest. When he talks about the national debt, my budget gap widens.”

“I recently went home with a 25-year-old. I’ve never been with a 25-year-old since I was… well, 14…”

On Cheryl Tweedy: “‘I am the nation’s sweetheart.’ No you’re the answer to the question how beautiful do you have to be to make the nation forget about your racial assault charge.”

“I’m like Taylor Swift. But with a soul.”

(Photo: BBC)

On what scares her: “Primark on a Saturday. The biting and the blood.”

On her daughter’s father: “He’s a man I loved once. He will always be her dad. I can’t change that – I tried!”

On having an older boyfriend: “People say you must like teaching him things. Yeah, the other day I taught him that Titanic is a real story.”

On Jurassic Park: “The dinosaurs are killing everyone! Why do we keep reopening this park? Who keeps giving us public liability insurance?!”

“Ed Miliband was trending on Twitter, but so was Kim Kardashian’s arse. I don’t know about you, but I know which one I’d rather watch eating a bacon sandwich.”

On cross-religious dating: “‘If you were just converted and you were Jewish as well, maybe we could be together.’ I considered it, and I said: ‘Well, would that mean giving up Christmas?’ He’s like, ‘yeah Katherine, obviously it would.’ And I’m like: ‘You think you got a d*** better than Christmas?!”

More jokes:

100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners that will have you laughing in seconds 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) 41 of Bill Bailey’s most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners 25 hilarious dad jokes you’ve probably never heard before 40 of the funniest jokes about Brexit 25 of Spike Milligan’s greatest gags 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

…and some quotes:

64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life 100 of Homer Simpson’s greatest quotes 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Norton’s most scathing Eurovision quotes 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country 50 of the funniest (and most puerile) quotes from The Inbetweeners 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes 20 of Malcolm Tucker’s most cutting insults 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes

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thatscountry-blog · 6 years

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2017 CMA Awards hosted by Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood

CHRIS STAPLETON, BROTHERS OSBORNE NIGHT’S TOP WINNERS AT “THE 51st ANNUAL CMA AWARDS”

NASHVILLE – “The 51st Annual CMA Awards” walked the line between celebration and commemoration Wednesday night as Garth Brooks won Entertainer of the Year for a record-extending sixth time while Chris Stapleton and Brothers Osborne took home two Awards apiece.

An all-star group that included Kelsea Ballerini, Brooks, Kix Brooks, Eric Church, Ronnie Dunn, Faith Hill, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Reba McEntire, Tim McGraw, Thomas Rhett, Darius Rucker, and Keith Urban struck a chord of togetherness through the ABC Television Network broadcast with an emotional collaboration that began with Church singing “Amazing Grace” a cappella in silhouette, then the rest of the group joining in on Rucker’s uplifting hit “Hold My Hand” from his time as the lead singer of Hootie & The Blowfish.

Dierks Bentley, Eddie Montgomery, and Rascal Flatts honor Troy Gentry during one of many emotional moments Wednesday at “The 51st Annual CMA Awards.” Photo Credit: Donn Jones/CMA

Brothers Osborne performs Wednesday during “The 51st Annual CMA Awards” while also claiming two trophies for Video of the Year and Vocal Duo. Photo Credit: Donn Jones/CMA

Carrie Underwood performs “Softly and Tenderly” in remembrance of industry leaders lost throughout the year and victims of the Las Vegas tragedy Wednesday during “The 51st Annual CMA Awards.” Photo Credit: Donn Jones / CMA

Garth Brooks accepts a record-extending trophy, claiming his sixth CMA Award for Entertainer of the Year Wednesday during “The 51st Annual CMA Awards.” Photo Credit: John Russell/CMA

Chris Stapleton performs “Broken Halos” Wednesday during “The 51st Annual CMA Awards” and claimed two wins – one for Album of the Year and also for Male Vocalist. Photo Credit: John Russell/CMA

Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood celebrate a decade of co-hosting Wednesday during “The 51st Annual CMA Awards.” Photo Credit: Donn Jones/CMA

Co-host Carrie Underwood then summed up the evening’s mission statement in the opening of her 10th year monologue with Brad Paisley: “Las Vegas. Charlottesville. New York. Sutherland Springs. Historic storms in Texas, Puerto Rico and Florida. The list goes on and on. This has been a year marked by tragedy, impacting countless lives, including so many in our Country Music family. So tonight we’re going to do what families do – come together, pray together, cry together and sing together.”

By the end of the night, fans and members of the industry had done a little of all those things, celebrating the best music of the last year while calling for unity in a nation torn asunder by violence and tragedy, to remembering departed heroes such as Glen Campbell, who lost his fight with Alzheimer’s disease, to Troy Gentry, one half of the duo Montgomery Gentry, taken too soon when his helicopter crashed on the way to a gig. The later was honored with a performance by Dierks Bentley, Rascal Flatts, and surprise guest and bandmate Eddie Montgomery.

In a special candlelit moment, Underwood delivered a show-stopping performance of “Softly and Tenderly,” remembering industry leaders lost this past year and closing by honoring the victims of the Las Vegas tragedy.

But the mood was lifted when, in traditional Brad and Carrie form, they brought levity to their 10th year co-hosting with humorous parodies reflecting current events “Way Down Yonder on the Scaramucci” and “Before He Tweets.” Often the subject of Paisley and Underwood’s jokes, this year Hill and McGraw flipped the script by surprising them with Brad and Carrie Barbies.

Brooks thanked his crew and band after winning the top CMA Awards honor for a sixth time. It marked the third time he’s won Entertainer of the Year back-to-back years – 1991-92, 1997-98 and 2016-17.

“It’s been 30 years,” Brooks said. “Never have I felt more like a part of this industry. It’s weird. We don’t belong to a label or anything, but every label guy in the industry is hugging me out there. It feels like family.”

Urban won the night’s first telecast award, taking Single of the Year for “Blue Ain’t Your Color.” Urban co-produced the song with longtime collaborator Dann Huff and it was mixed by Chris Lord-Alge. “Blue Ain’t Your Color” was the fourth single from Urban’s Ripcord album and stayed atop Billboard’s Hot Country Songs chart for 12 weeks.

Though she wasn’t there, former CMA Entertainer of the Year Taylor Swift was a presence at “The 51st Annual CMA Awards,” winning Single of the Year for “Better Man,” given solely to the song’s writer. Performer Little Big Town accepted the trophy for Swift.

“We’re really grateful that Phillip checked his email one night and that song was in there because he doesn’t always check his email,” LBT member Karen Fairchild said of her quartet-mate Phillip Sweet. “She couldn’t be here tonight with us, but Taylor, wherever you are, thank you for this beautiful song and for loving songs and loving Nashville.”

A clearly emotional Jon Pardi took home New Artist of the Year, one of three nominations he scored in 2017. His breakthrough “Dirt on My Boots” from his second album, California Sunrise, also scored Song of the Year and Single of the Year nominations. Pardi’s hands visibly shook as he held his trophy backstage while meeting with reporters and photographers. On display behind him was a painting of the singer created on the spot by artist David Garibaldi.

Chris Stapleton won his second Album of the Year Award for From a Room: Volume 1, an album captured by producer Dave Cobb at historic RCA Studio A on Music Row, the place where so many classic Nashville records were cut. Stapleton won his first Album of the Year Award for his debut Traveller in 2015.

Little Big Town won its sixth straight Vocal Group of the Year Award on a night that included a moving tribute to Campbell with their touching version of his “Wichita Lineman” that featured an appearance by its writer, the incomparable Jimmy Webb.

“The talent we see in this category alone just humbles us so much,” Sweet said. “We love making music, we love seeing your faces … .”

“And tonight should be about harmony,” Fairchild said. “It should be about what we can do together to change things. Kindness is an attractive quality. We actually could change the way things are going. We just have to step out and be together. And I love Country Music because we’re together and we can change everything because of harmony. We take care of each other.”

Lead nominee Miranda Lambert, who sang a moving version of her song “To Learn Her” during the telecast, took her record-extending seventh Female Vocalist of the Year award. She won the award six straight years before yielding to Underwood in 2016. And Stapleton took Male Vocalist of the year for the third straight year.

“Every one of these guys is the reason I’m up here,” Stapleton said of his fellow nominees. “Luke (Bryan) took me out when nobody even heard of me. Eric (Church) took me out when nobody had even heard of me. Thomas (Rhett) wrote songs with me. Dierks (Bentley) wrote songs with me. Every one of these guys deserves this thing.”

Brothers Osborne’s great day started early when Kelsea Ballerini joined “Good Morning America” host Lara Spencer live Wednesday morning from downtown Nashville to announce the first awards of the day. The brothers took home Video of the Year for “It Ain’t My Fault,” directed by Wes Edwards and Ryan Silver, a sly poke at the politics of the moment, before winning Vocal Duo of the Year for the second straight year.

“If you look at the other names on the ballot, we are the luckiest dudes on the planet,” John Osborne said to reporters at the end of the night.

And Campbell and Willie Nelson took Musical Event of the Year for their duet of “Funny How Time Slips Away” during the morning announcement, a win and a song made even more poignant by Campbell’s death earlier this year.

“Thank you, God, for just blessing our family in so many ways and sustaining us through our journey through Alzheimer’s disease,” said Kim Campbell, Glen Campbell’s widow, who accepted the award during the pre-telecast ceremony with children Ashley and Shannon. “Glen would just be so pleased and proud to be a part of this. … Glen, this is for you, and for everyone who’s dealing with dementia.”

Guitarist Mac McAnally won Musician of the Year for a record-tying ninth time, pulling even with Nashville’s most-venerated musician, Chet Atkins. The award was presented by host LOCASH during the pre-telecast portion of the awards.

“I don’t deserve (to be) in his league at all,” McAnally said of Atkins, whom he met as a child. “I’m happy to be in the same phone book. He’s one of my all-time heroes.”

Closing the show was newly-inducted Hall of Fame Member and 16-time CMA Awards winner Alan Jackson performing a rousing rendition of “Don’t Rock The Jukebox,” joined by co-hosts Paisley and Underwood that had the audience on their feet.

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR Garth Brooks – WINNER Luke Bryan Eric Church Chris Stapleton Keith Urban

SINGLE OF THE YEAR (Award goes to Artist, Producer(s), and Mix Engineer(s))

“Better Man” – Little Big Town Producer: Jay Joyce Mix Engineers: Jason Hall, Jay Joyce

“Blue Ain’t Your Color” – Keith Urban -WINNER Producers: Dann Huff, Keith Urban Mix Engineer: Chris Lord-Alge

“Body Like A Back Road” – Sam Hunt Producer: Zach Crowell Mix Engineer: Zach Crowell

“Dirt On My Boots” – Jon Pardi Producers: Bart Butler, Jon Pardi Mix Engineer: Ryan Gore

“Tin Man” – Miranda Lambert Producers: Frank Liddell, Eric Masse, Glenn Worf Mix Engineer: Eric Masse

ALBUM OF THE YEAR (Award goes to Artist and Producer(s))

The Breaker – Little Big Town Producer: Jay Joyce

From A Room: Volume 1 – Chris Stapleton – WINNER Producers: Dave Cobb, Chris Stapleton

Heart Break – Lady Antebellum Producer: busbee

The Nashville Sound – Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit Producer: Dave Cobb

The Weight of These Wings – Miranda Lambert Producers: Frank Liddell, Glenn Worf, Eric Masse

SONG OF THE YEAR (Award goes to Songwriter(s))

“Better Man” – WINNER Songwriter: Taylor Swift

“Blue Ain’t Your Color” Songwriters: Clint Lagerberg, Hillary Lindsey, Steven Lee Olsen

“Body Like A Back Road” Songwriters: Zach Crowell, Sam Hunt, Shane McAnally, Josh Osborne

“Dirt On My Boots” Songwriters: Rhett Akins, Jesse Frasure, Ashley Gorley

“Tin Man” Songwriters: Jack Ingram, Miranda Lambert, Jon Randall

FEMALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR Kelsea Ballerini Miranda Lambert -WINNER Reba McEntire Maren Morris Carrie Underwood

MALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR Dierks Bentley Eric Church Thomas Rhett Chris Stapleton – WINNER Keith Urban

VOCAL GROUP OF THE YEAR Lady Antebellum Little Big Town – WINNER Old Dominion Rascal Flatts Zac Brown Band

VOCAL DUO OF THE YEAR Brothers Osborne -WINNER Dan + Shay Florida Georgia Line LOCASH Maddie & Tae

MUSICAL EVENT OF THE YEAR (Award goes to each Artist)

“Craving You” – Thomas Rhett featuring Maren Morris “Funny How Time Slips Away” – Glen Campbell with Willie Nelson – WINNER “Kill A Word” – Eric Church featuring Rhiannon Giddens “Setting the World on Fire” – Kenny Chesney with P!nk “Speak to a Girl” – Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR Jerry Douglas (Dobro) Paul Franklin (Steel Guitar) Dann Huff (Guitar) Mac McAnally (Guitar) – WINNER Derek Wells (Guitar)

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR (Award goes to Artist and Director(s))

“Better Man” – Little Big Town Directors: Becky Fluke and Reid Long

“Blue Ain’t Your Color” – Keith Urban Director: Carter Smith

“Craving You” – Thomas Rhett featuring Maren Morris Director: TK McKamy

“It Ain’t My Fault” – Brothers Osborne – WINNER Directors: Wes Edwards and Ryan Silver

“Vice” – Miranda Lambert Director: Trey Fanjoy

NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR Lauren Alaina Luke Combs Old Dominion Jon Pardi – WINNER Brett Young

For more information, visit CMAawards.com.

**SUGGESTED TWEET**: .@GarthBrooks wins sixth Entertainer of the Year Award at 51st Annual #CMAawards! <<link>>

About the CMA Awards: The first “CMA Awards Banquet and Show” was held in 1967. The following year, the CMA Awards was broadcast for the first time – making it the longest running, annual music awards program on network television. The Awards have aired on ABC since 2006. ABC will be the network home of the CMA Awards and CMA’s other two television properties, “CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock” and “CMA Country Christmas,” through 2021. CMA Awards ballots are tabulated by the professional services organization Deloitte & Touche LLP.

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GARTH BROOKS NAMED ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR FOR SIXTH TIME CHRIS STAPLETON, BROTHERS OSBORNE NIGHT’S TOP WINNERS AT “THE 51st ANNUAL CMA AWARDS” NASHVILLE – “The 51st Annual CMA Awards” walked the line between celebration and commemoration Wednesday night as…

#51st Annual CMA Awards #Brad Paisley #Brothers Osborne #Carrie Underwood #Chris Stapleton #CMA #CMA Awards #GARTH BROOKS #Keith Urban

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