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poemsforpersephone · 4 years

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Over the course of the past year I’ve read over 70 books. Some haven’t quite lived up to expectations but the 10 below stuck in my mind for long enough to make it onto this list. I’ve written a few details about each to explain why they stuck with me and why I think you should give them a shot.

The Bedlam Stacks by Natasha Pulley

Rating: 4.5/5

Brief Synopsis: In 1859, ex-East India Company smuggler Merrick Tremayne is trapped at home in Cornwall after sustaining an injury that almost cost him his leg and something is wrong; a statue moves, his grandfather’s pines explode, and his brother accuses him of madness. When the India Office recruits Merrick for an expedition to fetch quinine—essential for the treatment of malaria—from deep within Peru, he knows it’s a terrible idea. Nearly every able-bodied expeditionary who’s made the attempt has died, and he can barely walk. But Merrick is desperate to escape everything at home, so he sets off, against his better judgment, for a tiny mission colony on the edge of the Amazon where a salt line on the ground separates town from forest.

Favourite Quote: “There are things you wouldn’t do, if you had a motherless child waiting at home. Or with you. Places where you would turn back.”

Why This Book: I’m not usually a fan of historical books, but I absolutely loved this one. The way the world is written, the characters, the unfolding of the plot. Everything just worked together so well. Not sure if it’s canon queer or not but there is strong m/m relationship vibes from two of the characters, like in my eyes they romantically loved each other, im just not sure if it was intended that way by the author or not.

The Wicked King and The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black

Rating: 5

Brief Synopsis: (of the first book in the series, for context) Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King.

Favourite Quote: ““If he thought I was bad, I would be worse. If he thought I was cruel, I would be horrifying.”

Why These Books: The entire series is just pure gold. The audibooks are fantastic, but more than anything it’s the story, and the voice of the main character, and of her family and enemies. I love books which work along fey story lines and worlds, so this was perfect for me. f/f secondary character relationship.

The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed

Rating: 5

Brief Synopsis: Three misfits come together to avenge the rape of a fellow classmate and in the process trigger a change in the misogynist culture at their high school transforming the lives of everyone around them in this searing and timely story.

Favourite Quote: ��One small kindness in a sea of cruelty, one word of truth among lies, these are the seeds that can change the world.”

Why This Book: Jesus christ this BOOK. Girls protecting girls is literally my most favourite thing in the entire world. Coming together, standing together, fighting together. And diversity too! If you add girls protecting girls and queer girls into the same book you officially have my heart. I have goosebumps covering my arms and my heart is aching just thinking about this book.

The Last Sun and The Hanged Man by K.D. Edwards

Rating: 5 (who am I kidding, it’s a clear cut 10/5. I can’t put into words how much i love this series).

Brief Synopsis: Rune Saint John, last child of the fallen Sun Court, is hired to search for Lady Judgment's missing son, Addam, on New Atlantis, the island city where the Atlanteans moved after ordinary humans destroyed their original home.

Favourite Quote: uhhh can i like, list the entire contents of two whole books here? no? huh. alright. ““Didn’t you know what his father was like—what kind of ability Rune has inherited? Those aren’t just shoes to fill, it’s the whole fucking shoe factory. Don’t you ever doubt whether he can do what he says.”

Why These Books: They hit every single trope I love, the writing is fantastic and witty, and characters jump from the page and the plot keeps you ensnared and engrossed. The world is alive, and to top it off, the author is super nice and interacts with the fandom, which is always nice to see. m/m.

Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Rating: 5

Brief Synopsis: What happens when America's First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales?

Favourite Quote: “That's the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”

Why This Book: Where do I even start? How do I sum up everything I feel for this book in one single paragraph? I cannot write down the noises of joy I made throughout reading it. I can't draw either of the two times i actually hugged it. This book. God. This book. Just go read it, okay? m/m.

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Rating: 5

Brief Synopsis: A world divided. A queendom without an heir. An ancient enemy awakens.

Favourite Quote: “All the world is a cage in a young girl's eyes.”

Why This Book: It’s massive, an actual tomb that could damage someone if you hit them with it, and from start to finish it ensnared me with its rich world and realistic characters and AND!!! The diversity!!!! The women in this book!!! I wanna marry them all!!!!!!!! I’ll be their loving wife as long as they’ll have me!!!!!!!! like legit the definition of "i would let that woman step on me" im so gay for them ALL. f/f.

Salt Magic Skin Magic by Lee Welch

Rating: 4

Brief Synopsis: Lord Thornby has been trapped on his father’s isolated Yorkshire estate for a year. There are no bars or chains; he simply can’t leave. His sanity is starting to fray. When industrial magician John Blake arrives to investigate a case of witchcraft, he finds the peculiar, arrogant Thornby as alarming as he is attractive. John soon finds himself caught up in a dark fairytale, where all the rules of magic—and love—are changed.

Why This Book: I absolutely devoured this book. I listened to the audio book version on 1.5 speed most of the way through and even popped into 1.75 and 2 speed because I needed to know what happened so badly. I had my suspicions and they were proved correct and it was so beautiful and lovely. m/m and absolutely wonderful.

The Deathless Girls by Kiran Millwood Hargave

Rating: 4/5

Brief Synopsis: On the eve of her divining, the day she'll discover her fate, seventeen-year-old Lil and her twin sister Kizzy are captured and enslaved by the cruel Boyar Valcar, taken far away from their beloved traveller community.

Favourite Quote: “I could see the roots of the trees below me seeking water, and the leaves above me seeking sun.”

Why This Book: Beautifully crafted, effortlessly enthralling and dark like vampire stories should be. I’m torn about the ending but the lead up? The characters? The plot? All so well put together. The bond between the two sisters was strong, well written and beautiful. It’s f/f also, which is awesome.

#2019 book rec list #book recs #lgbt book recs #lgbt books

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anamelesstraveler · 7 years

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A McHaleinski fanfic with a Scerek focus. Rated E.

Part 2 | 11,538 words

There’s a never-ending list of things that Derek regrets in his life. Offering the Bite to a group of emotionally unstable teenagers, not putting Peter back into his grave immediately after he crawled out, anything involving Kate Argent. Now he can add taking advice from Stiles Stilinski to the list.

Go track down the witch with Scott, he said. Commune with your Alpha on the hunt, he said. Finally grow a spine and ask him out, he said.

Never again. Because now there’s a child staring at him. A cherubic-faced child is frowning at him from the spot where Scott once stood.

This story includes de-aged Scott, pining Derek, established Sterek, established Sciles, polyamory, open relationship, insecure Derek/Scott/Stiles, and angst with a happy ending.

Part 2

--------------------1---------------------

One question is all it takes for Derek’s world to shatter. Again.

He’d started hoping life was done throwing these painful curveballs at him.

And yet Scott is standing before him, sixteen and angry and stuck inside his own life-altering tragedy. His expression is something Derek now only sees in his nightmares, jaw clenched and eyes steely. But there’s real fear in his heartbeat and in his scent. It invades Derek through his senses and through their bond, until Derek’s just as ready to panic as Scott is. Already, Scott’s fangs are dropping, his eyes flickering red.

“Why am I-- what’s going on?” His eyes dart around the room, pausing on the rune circle at his feet. On Deaton. On Stiles.

“Okay,” Stiles announces, taking a careful step closer. His hands are held in front of him, palms out. “The short version: It’s 2014. You’re nineteen. But you had a run-in with a witch and got turned into a kid. We tried fixing it, but this happened.”

“I’m… I’m what? What?” His chest heaves, fangs sliding up over his lips. And Derek can feel it - feel how far out of control Scott’s going. For a Beta, it’s bad. For an Alpha - that’s a disaster.

“Scott--” Derek tries.

“NO!” It’s just shy of a roar, and it hits Derek with all the force of a brick wall. He can’t hide his shudder - the way his Alpha’s revulsion makes his skin crawl.

“Scott.” It’s Deaton that steps in, voice smooth and calming, drawing Scott’s attention. “Stiles is correct. You’ve spent the past few days as a seven-year-old. We were trying to reverse the enchantment, but it didn’t go quite to plan. But right now, I need you to take deep breaths, alright? Focus on your anchor. Do you remember what your anchor is, Scott?”

“A-Allison.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Stiles go tense. It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. It shouldn’t.

He reaches out to grab for Stiles’ hand. The flicker of movement draws Scott out of his careful focus, anger snapping through his expression at the sight of Derek alone. But he doesn’t lose control again. It’s… a small comfort.

“Then why are you here?” Scott growls at him. “Did you do this? Did you… get some witch to turn me into a kid?!”

‘For fuck’s sake--’ The exact reason why he and sixteen-year-old Scott argued so often comes flooding back to him. He glares at Scott, at this boy who is so good but so infuriating. “I did not,” he snarls, “babysit your seven-year-old ass for four days for this.”

That throws the teenager off guard. “You--” A strangled sound leaves his mouth, and he turns to Stiles instead. “You left me with him? Why?!”

“Come on, dude,” Stiles exclaims, “don’t give me The Eyes! You were with him when you got turned into a kid, buddy. He brought you back and we all hung out and babysat you until Deaton was ready.”

“Why?”

Derek knows what Stiles is going to say even before he opens his mouth. It’s in the twist of his mouth - in the flick of his long fingers as he gestures. It’s all snark and Derek shuts his eyes and waits for the inevitable fallout. “Why wouldn’t I let my boyfriend hang out with us?”

The room goes quiet. Scott has stopped breathing. Derek makes a slow countdown from ten, and gets to three before the young Alpha finally speaks. “You’re dating him?” There’s a shrill note of disbelief that makes Derek wince.

“Yyeaaah,” Stiles drawls. “It’s pretty cool. I mean, he’s a jerk sometimes, but we can all agree that I’m a class-A jerk. So it balances out.”

“What… What about Lydia?”

“Lydia? Dude, never became a thing. We’re friends now, so hey, that’s cool. But the Grand Lydia Martin Ten-Year Plan? Didn’t pan out. She’s dating one of my dad’s deputies now, actually. It’s cool. I kinda like where I am.” Even though he says it flippantly, Stiles’ eyes are narrowed into sharp focus. There’s no one who knows Scott better - at this age, at any age. And Derek can only hope that means he’ll circumvent a meltdown and not do something stupid.

“How-- but you-- you hate him! You want him dead. You tell me that all the time that you wish--”

“Hey, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here--”

“What did you do to him?” He’s rounded on Derek again, eyes snapping fire.

“What,” he deadpans.

“Hey!” Stiles takes a step between them, actually snapping his fingers to draw Scott’s attention. “Are you saying I couldn’t get Derek on my own? Because that hurts, Scott. I’m utterly wounded, here! And I’ll have you know that I managed to get both of you.”

And that manages to derail Scott. His expression twists in confusion, his mouth going slack. But nothing comes out.

“That’s right,” Stiles continues. “Both of you. Separately, but at the same time. There’s scheduled individual date nights and hang out nights with everyone and you and Derek get time to go commiserate over dating me. It’s a whole thing and it’s pretty awesome.”

Scott… doesn’t seem to think so. In fact, the longer Stiles speaks, the more anger and revulsion clouds the teen’s expression. And Derek, Derek can’t keep quiet any longer. He can’t stand by while Scott treats their relationship like this - or treats Stiles and Scott’s relationship like this. “You have a problem with that?” He doesn’t hear the scathing challenge in his own voice until Stiles shoots him a warning glance. But the damage is already done.

Scott clenches his jaw. “Yeah I do! Everything’s gotten worse since you got here.” His voice raises sharply. “I want you to leave me alone. I want you to leave my friends alone! There’s no way I’d ever be okay with you and Stiles! I don’t know what you did to make me think-- there’s no way I’d ever want you-- there isn’t!”

It doesn’t matter how Scott plans to finish that thought. He doesn’t have to. Derek can hear it all as well as if he’s said it aloud and it’s…

It’s everything Derek already knew. But after everything it still…

“Derek,” Stiles calls from much further away.

He blinks, realizing he’s backed away from them. His chest feels tight, like something has closed around his pounding heart. It… doesn’t actually feel that different from being stabbed through the chest with a metal pipe - a memory that isn’t going to fade any time soon. The helplessness, the feeling like he can’t get his lungs to fully expand, it’s the same.

Derek shakes his head before Stiles can say anything this time, and continues to back towards the door. Turning makes his head swim, and Derek isn’t sure if he’s going to lose control, or break.

But whatever it is, he doesn’t want it to happen here. Not here, in front of them.

He manages to leave the clinic at a walk - to not break into a run until he crosses the street and into the treeline. And then he matches the pounding of his feet to the pounding of his heart, and doesn’t stop.

Not for a long time.

--------------------2---------------------

His feet carry him deep into the Preserve. Derek doesn’t know how long he runs, or what direction he’s going in. He just runs until his mind goes blank; until there’s nothing but the burn in his legs and in his lungs. When he finally slows to a stop, it’s in a clearing overlooking the shallow end of the gorge. The stream trickles through, toppling over the sudden dip and down, down into a small pool. It’s a place Derek recognizes, but hasn’t dared to even think about for years.

Derek spent many a day here with his family, in all seasons. The clearing is secluded, isolated from the trails and tucked away into the gorge. His Pack would come out here to camp, to swim, to spend the entire afternoon with the kids chasing each other through the forest. They’d come here to shed their human skins or just to bask on the warm stones as the sun came down from between the trees.

He hasn’t come here since even before the fire. Not since Paige. And he’s never told anyone about this place, either. There’s never been a reason to. This place doesn’t hold the same kind of meaning to anyone in his new Pack. Cora didn’t stay long enough to even warrant a trip out. And the idea of coming here with Peter still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

So this place, it’s Derek’s now. And Derek’s alone. Which is just as well, now that the house is gone. This is the only place Derek can feel the connection to his family.

He treks down into the gorge, letting his feet remember the overgrown footpaths. He sinks to the base of a tree at the bottom, huddling between the roots. The instant Derek catches his breath, his thoughts begin swirling all over again. Not even the echo of the gentle falls can drown them out, and there’s nothing to stop Derek from being pulled under. Because he was right: Scott can never be with him.

How could he, when Scott - the sixteen-year-old boy he is currently - is the living proof of every reason they’d never be together? Things between them have been getting steadily better ever since Derek gave up the Alpha spark. But how can Derek ever expect anything when that is their starting point? How could he ever have deluded himself into thinking he could make up for everything he’s done?

How can Scott - at any age - even forgive him, much less love him?

The idea that maybe Scott hasn’t forgiven him sends his heart racing all over again; a painful, fluttering thud against his ribs. His skin feels hot, not unlike shifting. A new wave of fear slams into him, so powerful that his claws shoot out against his palms before he even realizes it’s happened. He knocks his head back against the tree, hard enough his head swims with the pain. It puts him back in control of the shift, at the very least. And then it’s all Derek can do to concentrate on his breathing - on not spiraling into an anxiety attack right there in the middle of the Preserve. The urge to shift into the Wolf prickles against his flesh, but the thought of what he might do without human inhibitions is enough to resist it. The last thing he needs is to go running back to Scott as the Wolf and make this worse.

Things don’t get better the longer Derek sits, huddled in the shadow of the tree. He feels cast adrift, his anchor suddenly snatched from his hands. Fighting the shift, fighting panic is a slow, dwindling defeat. Eventually he forces himself to his feet once more, leaving the only remaining place that should bring him peace, but instead only offers sorrow and bitter guilt. Derek has a destination in mind this time, however. It’s what he concentrates on each step, rather than replaying the scene at the clinic over and over again.

It’s not until he’s made his way through the town proper and up the stairs of the apartment building that he lets the guilt slow his pace. He finds himself standing quietly before the door to apartment 3A, the strength to knock gone. He shouldn’t be here. The last thing he needs to do is try to assuage his guilt by going to someone else he’s hurt.

Derek doesn’t have the chance to convince himself to walk away. The door swings open, and Boyd is standing on the other side.

He doesn’t say anything, not even a hello, just takes in the - undoubtedly pathetic - picture Derek makes on his doorstep. Derek tenses as Boyd leans forward and reaches out. But his hand only clasps around the back of his neck, and pulls him over threshold.

There aren’t enough words, in any language, to describe how grateful he is. But Boyd doesn’t seem to mind, just hauls him into the entryway and shuts the door behind them. Erica wanders out of the living area, brows drawn into a worried arch. Erica’s without make-up today, her hair thrown into a messy bun. She’s wearing clothes meant for a day in. They both are, actually. Boyd’s in a soft tank top and sweatpants, and Erica’s wearing gym shorts and one of Boyd’s t-shirts. The apartment smells like caramel popcorn and comfort.

He’s interrupted something.

“I can--” he tries to backpedal.

Erica doesn’t give him the chance. “Don’t even think about it, wolfman.” She marches up to him, shorter now that she’s not in heels, but no less intimidating because of it. He leans back instinctively as Erica crowds into his space, but she stops him with hands cupping his jaw. “Come on,” she urges, drawing him towards the living room.

“I--”

Her eyes flash Beta gold. “No, Derek. You’re not interrupting anything.”

“...Okay.”

Boyd’s hand stays at his neck, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure to soothe the tense line of his back. “Whatever you need, Derek,” he says, “take it.”

“Do whatever you have to,” Erica echoes, as if both of them can sense how Derek’s buzzing just beneath his skin. Maybe they can.

Derek casts his gaze downward, uncertain. But he can’t deny how much he needs to shift. How much he needs to shed his more human compulsions right now. “Just… don’t let me leave.”

“We won’t,” they promise in tandem. Derek only leaves them once they’ve led him from the foyer, trying not to think about how pathetic he must look slinking into their bathroom. He doesn’t meet his own eyes in the mirror, just looks down and away as he hastily undresses, and folds his clothes neatly. Becoming the Wolf is normally like cool water down his spine, fluid and soothing. Today it’s all dull pain and a burning tug as the Wolf all but bursts out of him. It’s so dizzying that it leaves him swaying on four paws, disoriented.

The pain is a full body ache in this form. All he wants is to go to his Alpha, to go belly up and beg for forgiveness, for recognition, for acceptance. Derek whines, low and sorrowful, pacing up and down the length of the bathroom until he gets a handle on the impulse. The anxiety is manageable now, at least.

He noses out of the bathroom to find Boyd and Erica have moved back to the couch. They’re sitting at opposite ends, which Derek is sure wasn’t how they’d been situated before he got here. But there’s a space between them, just big enough for one werewolf. Erica pats the space between them. “Come up here, big bad.”

Any other day, she would get a growl for that pet name. But all Derek does is whine softly and pad over to them. He hops up between them, carefully maneuvering his lupine body on the old sofa until he finds a comfortable position with his muzzle resting on Boyd’s thigh. He stretches out until his lower half presses up against Erica’s, making her laugh gently.

“Ready for an Indiana Jones marathon?” Erica asks him.

He only huffs in reply. Boyd lays a hand between his ears, fingers absently stroking down his fur until Derek melts under the touch. He just listens as they turn their movie back on, letting their touches and their presence soothe him.

He doesn’t deserve them.

A quiet whine leaves him.

“Hey.” Erica leans over him, the line of her body pressing against his, and presses a kiss to his head. “I don’t know what happened, but we’ve got you. Okay, Derek?”

They have him. He’s safe here, with Pack. It’s that thought that comforts him, letting him doze off between his Packmates.

[Continue on AO3]

#McHaleinski #ScottDerekStiles #Teen Wolf #fanfic #fic: You don't have to love me #Let me weave you a Dream #the final part is coming soon!

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