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sleepless-in-starbucks · 3 years

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14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds #fanfic #creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #nb!remy #the cryptid speaks #meri #yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there #poor man 😔#also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj

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trunkzbriefs · 4 years

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Any Son and/or Briefs family headcanons? Spicy hot takes? Truths Toriyama and Toyotaro themselves can not handle? Straight up lies?

GODDAMN SORRY this took a while cause i suck at putting thoughts together. i apologize for my obvious briefs bias i have more hcs for them than the son family despite loving them both :pensive: anyway heres some random stuff

briefs hcs:

all of the briefs are pros at non-verbal communication. i hc that saiyans have their own language (and also in my own Mind Canon they still have their fuckin tails) and a lot of it is done through tail movement/body posture/grunts/etc. etc so theyve all sort of picked that up. even bulma, who doesnt have a tail, is pretty good at getting across what she means without actually speaking. they still do speak normally but it comes in handy sometimes considering that both trunks and vegeta are prone to running out of speaking energy or getting very frustrated with words, so having another way to communicate works very well for them

vegeta is fffffffffffffffffffurry. without getting too deep into my own General Saiyan hcs (thats why i made a whole ass four subspecies!!) i think that the entirety of planet vegeta tended to be very hot aside from the part where the castle was, where the temperature would drop. meaning that saiyans working in the palace would grow thicker fur around certain parts of their body, and in the royal saiyans theyd be Especially fluffy. he kept it down on earth, but he has thick patches of fur around the bottom parts of his arms and legs. kind of like snowy boots and gloves! he also has fur that grows in on his neck like a lions mane.

future trunks is an actions sponge, vegeta is a words sponge. vegeta will pick up words VERY quickly regardless if he fully understands the meaning of it or not (completely inspired by 'THATS RIGHT BOYS... MONDO COOL' in z) and future trunks will unintentionally mimic the actions of people - around people he looks up to he might take a few small mannerisms from but this extends to copying the disposition of anyone; he's just very adaptive. this is the most obvious (and funniest) when he's around vegeta bc it really shows like. yeah damn that sure is vegeta's son

vegeta & bulla have an intimidating bastard smirk naturally. their natural smiles are pretty frightening and they have to put effort into a 'normal' one. this also extends to current trunks, his default smile is the Vegeta Bastard Smirk but he learned to have a normal smile quicker than his father and sister. future trunks has a slightly unnerving natural smile (the fact that his pupils are always drawn so fucking small makes me hc that he just has a very intimidating look of 'cat thats about to pounce on an unfortunate trapped mouse' whenever he smiles) but he learned to look normal even quicker than current trunks since he's around humans a Lot and is sort of their uh, Hope. don't want to look scary to the people who depend on you!

bulma has some fighting knowledge and mildly good ki control. vegeta taught her it as a just in case so that she'd be able to defend herself against Bigger threats if he wasn't there and also so she could raise her own ki to alert someone to her if she had to.

vegeta is extremely clean and can not stand to have things disorganized for more than like... an hour before he has to tidy everything up. every time he goes down to the lab and bulma is passed out in a pile of bolts and circuit boards it kills him inside just a little bit

future trunks has little concept of power control. since his timeline was always in danger it wasn't really an important thing for him to learn. the amount of mugs he's accidentally crushed is impressive

vegeta tends to not sound like he's asking questions when he is. he doesn't add the proper infliction to the end of his questions and just sounds flat most of the time. it's confusing to people who dont know him well.

im not even gonna lie, im a BIG fan of the chill demon panchy headcanon so i love the idea that the briefs have a Lil bit of demon in them but just dont know it ghjnkm

[banging my fists on the 'hcs that not even got could take away from me' table] future trunks has OCD

vegeta doesn't really get labels but he's bisexual & "debatably a man", bulma is bisexal & bigender transfem (sometimes shes Wamen and other times its like "gender? no"), bulla is a nonbinary lesbian, current trunks is a bisexual trans man & future bulma forgot to explain the concept of gender and sexuality to future trunks so he's a little confused on that front and his gender & sexuality are "i have literally never thought abt these concepts in my life but i think men are nice. i refuse to think about gender though" (i actually have two main hcs for future trunks which are either gay trans man or more-feminine-presenting nonbinary bisexual)

son hcs:

goku is Not as fluffy as vegeta at all, but he does have fur on certain parts of his body. namely on the back of his elbows + ankles, down his back connecting to his tail, and on his shoulders. its inherented from gine!

gohan is learning saiyan language from vegeta! vegeta acts grumpy about it but he's glad to have someone to teach. when gohan learned that most of the history had been lost he basically wished shenron for a big ol book on saiyan culture and gave it to vegeta just as an act of kindness and vegeta was like [in an angry voice but very touched] "Ok. Sit down. You're learning." by extension gohan is also teaching the rest of his family!

i will take ox king being actually non-human to my grave so like, chichi has horns and a very short ox tail! gohan and goten both have horns, but they're hidden by hair. goten's horns are bigger than gohans.

goten also has a more ox-like tail, with a little puff of fur at the end. generally, gohan looks more saiyan-like and goten looks more ox/human-like.

although he keeps up his cheery demeanor very well, goku is still haunted pretty badly by like... everything that’s happened in his life. he still has frequent nightmares about cell & buu specifically.

gohan will freak out at worse, zone out at best, if he's even tapped on the neck. it reminds him of the whole 'getting his neck snapped on namek' so that area is pretty off limits to everyone

goten gets along really well with android 17. they both have a love for nature and 17s kind of like his chill uncle, so whenever he gets too stressed out or just needs a break you can find him face down on the ground outside of 17's place on monster island.

goku is really really good at remembering completely random shit. bulma uses this to her advantage whenever she's working and has him memorize random technology stuff. a week later goku can not remember what he had for breakfast that morning but as soon as bulma asks "hey do you remember what i told you last week" hes like "oh yeah sure i have no idea what it means but [blurts out three hours worth of technical garble]"

oh boy is this a headcanon that has a lot more depth to it than just a bullet on a tumblr post, but gohan has DID!

goku, like vegeta, doesnt get labels either, and does not even Try, ask him about any of it and hes like "i dont get the gender thing but i think lots of people look nice :)" gohan is gay and like vegeta, "debatably a man", goten + chichi are both bi nonbinary, & pan is a lesbian trans woman.

both:

bulla and pan are both into music! i think theyd mess around making their own stuff w/ launchpads

i have a general hc of ki mixing or shielding, essentially, if youre close enough to someone people wont be able to tell apart your ki and you can also 'shield' someone with your ki for a small amount of time. if vegeta has his energy low, his and bulma's energy are the same. same thing with goku and chichi! goten and trunks are near impossible to tell apart, and same thing with gohan and videl.

though goten and trunks are both protective over their younger siblings, gotenks is that protectiveness times a thousand. look at bulla or pan wrong for 2 seconds and you're going to have an angry gotenks in your face asking if you have any last words. i like to think that trunks and goten fused casually a lot, especially around the time where bulla and pan were young, so its basically goten and trunks own attachment to them PLUS gotenks' attachment to them as his own person combined.

i like to pretend end of z did not happen the way it did so uub, using nimbus, travels back and forth a lot. goku isn’t the only one who teaches him how to fight as goten, gohan and trunks all think of him like a little brother and love training with him!

fuck you letters to toriyama/toyotaro hot takes:

cell, as cool of a villian as he is, definitely should have had a creepier final form. or multiple- just something that really drives in the fact that he's made up of other's dna & fuckin ABSORBS people. also his first two forms should have had a different absorbtion method other than the tail thing (not the drinking thing thats fine) it just feels. Weird. not good

it would have been far more interesting to keep the bitter attitude towards vegeta that future trunks had imo... in super trunks was going through a Lot granted but the fact tht he wasnt more confrontational to vegeta being a dick to him seemed kind of off considering his attitude in z i just.. think it would be interesting and far better if they had more of a back and forth 'family but lowkey hate each other' relationship

i dont want to rant about super so heres some super condensed takes, goku black arc specific because thats 90% of what ive seen of super:

mai is a fucking freak ass weirdo, why did they not just make another character to pair with trunks

trunks not flipping the fuck out at his timeline being erased feels... out of character. also trunks deserved the win against zamasu

future bulma did NOT need to die

trunks should have just stayed in the current timeline

please fucking let trunks and goten grow up. we SAW a version of trunks who looked 14 (history of trunks....) and the versions of goten & trunks we have r/n in super do not look 13/14 respectively what in the goddamn hell is going on in the character design department

super definitely should have taken place later down the line

supers version of bulma and videl look awful. why are they That stick like.

vegeta needs to kill frieza. just once.

fu has enough potential to be a very interesting mainline character and i am so sad he's not

i would actively enjoy a sdbh anime with more budget that isnt just a promo anime and has a plot that makes sense... i think db should have more wild spinoffs

xenoverse deserved a better story that went FULL in on the 'what if' type of timelines- like they did in raging blast which is a FUCKING GREAT GAME

straight up lies:

dragon ball z is a good series

#yes db is my hyperfix. that doesnt mean its good <3 but its mine now and i make whatever i want canon #long post #fleetinginterest

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survivormetaverse · 3 years

Text

Episode 4 - "Now the fun part begins" ~Colin

All I gotta say....finesse

Look at us go✨ I say us because if I say me that sounds conceited even tho it was literally a hero challenge 😂. [HI THIS WAS BURIED IN MY TABS IT'S FROM ROUND 3 I WAS PROBS GONNA WRITE MORE BUT OH WELL]

We tribe swapped and I was really stressed at first because now im on the tribe that loses all of the challenges. But its fine bcs im friends with everyone now and im in an alliance with Ginny and Amy. I also love Danny he is literally under the influence rn im exposing him. But hopefully when hws sober he remembers how cool i am and we will work together. And Jennifer is on my tribe and we're friendly with each other. But honestly it would be in my best game interests to have her the one voted out. If it comes to that. Bcs Im literally working with everyone and shes pretty inactive.

Welp. Here we are. Swapped. It's a lil fucked up but I saw it coming. So I got stuck with Brayden which is like whatever to me, I'm glad him and I talked enough on original phantoms. But the issue is that it's just him and myself. Along with that its the two S.E.E.S. and one Fool. So I immediately swooped in on Jared, I tried to be relatable with him by talking about Danny and Shaad, who I know, and I think gthat brought him comfort. I spilled to Jared that Danny and Shaad know each other to show him that I have info and I'm willing to be open about stuff and talk with him straight up. We got to talking, and we declared that we want to work together WHICH IS GREAT!! Idk how much I can trust him, but if I show him loyalty and openness I think I'd get it back from him which is clutch. I need him to be the third with Brayden and myself, but I'm sure Jay and Elle are thinking the exact same thing. That's why I swooped in so fast, and I'm sure he'll tell them what they want to hear and theres a chance hes doing that to me as well (and I don't blame him, make your own decisions Jared king), but I need to show him that sticking with me is the better option. Idk idk I'm just trying to avoid playing my idol rn. I'll keep working on Jared, and I'll see what Brayden's been up to. ALSOOO APPARENTLY so Brayden tells me that him and Elle played together (which I knew), but he voted them out so idk how their dynamic is. Lots to think about, I guess now I actually do want to win immunity because I don't feel as secure as I did on original phantoms. But I def have Brayden on my side, and I'm really hoping Jared is truly gonna ride with me. Idols/advantages are also a potential problem here because what if Elle or Jay have one. I hope Brayden is just lying to me and he secretly has something too. I almost told him about mine but I decided against it. Much to think about, much to do, much to win.

I got an idolllll✨ lol so glad i signed up because no one else from my tribe did so it was super easy 😄 Tribe swap!! Sad bc i'll miss Colin 😔 real homie right there um i mean sure others too maybe lol I switched with Jay so no worries there and Anastasia I'm sorry to say we've never really clicked like we've worked together before (and she's backstabbed me before) but we've never really been like *this* y'know??? And Babs and Jennifer I barely talked to Babs likes musical theater and vine references tho so she's cool B) Anywayssss Dennis knows the pain of being a Starbucks barista and I was with Jared in the shape memory and felt bad for them oof so yeah OH! and Brayden helped vote me out in Kyoshi after saying he wouldn't vote for me... Dont Love That but also it was kinda a hopeless situation in Kyoshi kinda tragicccc for me funnily enough I was tribe swap screwed over but that's not like this time (if it is I will SCREAM but also I'm chill with whatever place I get in this game so eh) yeah i kinda made myself stop drinking caffeine/copious amounts of sugar for a year and then started back at Starbucks and immediately broke soooo I have no idea how coherent this is I think we'll do well in the challenge!! It's scavenger hunt but also I am working this weekend :( hate that for me ik me too boo so we'll see how much I can do I remember being upset at myself in prev. seasons because I went too hard in challenges and I feel like in this one I just don't have the time to 😂 the way to get priorities is to get a life apparently lol kidding but also am I??? Idk kinda forgot what I was talking about. Yay in the Phantom tribe now and we will crush this challenge✨

This tribe is getting on my nerves. 2 of them are super nice and I'd love to work with them but I don't know how the pre-alliances worked before this tribe. I really enjoy Amy and Anastasia but trying to talk to Ginnifer is like pulling teeth and Jennifer still hasn't said....anything.

https://youtu.be/maj4CRLrsjQ sorry this is really long i didnt mean to

My tribe is going to council.

At first, I thought I was SCREWED because I got neither Amy, Dennis, or Brayden from my OG tribe for the swap. I barely spoke to Josh, but at least he tries in challenges and we have that going for us. I absolutely adore Colin, he's experienced and he doesn't hide it, but here's a good support system and I see why he goes far in these games. By virtue of me being active, I can hopefully stay alive from this swap. As for the challenge, it's incredibly difficult to do since only the 3 of us are actively doing it, and with 3 slots, it means everyone has to do everything, which is virtually impossible. Shaad complained about his old tribe but a lot of his tribemates' confessionals about him were about him being inactive, and I'm definitely seeing it. Babs hasn't even accepted my message request yet. I absolutely trust Colin and I'm debatable with Josh, but I sure hope that he's not working with Shaad and Babs. But I'm 99% sure that's not the case because even Colin hasn't talked to Babs much and they haven't even been accepting message requests. I absolutely think we're headed to tribal, but honestly, that might be fine because it'll save my other allies in the other tribes. I just hate going to tribal council because it's never fun and it makes me nervous. Every time. But hopefully my social relationships I've made will get me through this swap even if I have to (at last, I guess) go to tribal council.

https://youtu.be/FJOPBi8cnBk

The swap is fun so far doing a fun and hilarious scavenger hunt but yuck my face is sticky blech

Okay I think I figured out a lot. I think all the idols are on my tribe. The way Jared and Jay talk to me shows me that theyre smart players and I realllllly think they both have idols. And the three of us are just dancing around that subject. So if we go to tribal, I have to move very cautiously and thats why im trying to get another advantage. I think Jay is going for it too, homeboy messages me in 10 minute intervals. I think I can only afford going to tribal once with this tribe, I'm just hoping we win out especially if all the idols are chilling here I don't want to play it yet. Ima just keep hunting i dont have a lot of thoughts rn.

I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel decent about elle, she has familiarity with me, it should be convenient for her and I to stay together. I do like Jared too...the hope is that he links up with us and we can take out Brayden. Nothing personal against Brayden, but I like Dennis more, and I feel like I can work with Dennis in a merge scenario. If we can get Brayden out whenever we go to tribal, I'll also be put in a scenario at that point where I can either go with Jared and Elle, or maybe Jared and Dennis. Dennis seems very low key and more social than strategic, so he's a good person to play with for a decent amount of time.

Uh idr my last confessional or when it was :( we just did the scavenger hunt challenge and are waiting for results and i really hope we don't have to go to tribal bc what a crappy birthday present that'd be!! Bc my birthday is tomorrow :)))))) I hope people remember bc I'm not going to say anything 😶 just to see who remembereddddd probs no one and ill break midday or maybe I'll leave it alone who knows! I'm going on a picnic tomorrow tho and then probs celebrating with fam so it'd be a bad day for a tribal :( OMG what if I got voted out on My Birthday that'd be so r00d but like kinda iconic too very memorable 21st brithday the one where I was voted out Metaverse... anyways uh hope we win this challenge lol 😅

Okay so it's cute and all that we won but Miss Jennifer needs to go ASAP. I low-key wanted to go to tribal just so I could let her GO, but it's whatever. I get a day to chill finally. I don't have to think as hard anymore. I feel good.

I think the thing I am very interested in seeing is what's about to happen with Shaad in that tribe.

But also, I really love Amy. I think she's really gonna be good for me.

okay i've been slacking on confessionals so im gonna pretend this is like 2 days ago and make one solely about the swap AHHH TRIBE SWAP i'm kinda excited that none of my alliance members are on my new tribe. that seems opposite but its gonna give me a better chance to branch out and make new connections, then when merge hits rekindle the old alliance that existed pre swap. hopefully that all pans out!! immediately I started vibing with Jodi. she's an absolute QUEEN and we match each other's energies perfectly. we've been shading others in the tribe, joking around, connecting personally, it's been great!! honestly i knew within like the first 20 mins I wanted to duo with her and be a f2. the rest of the tribe however? sheeeeesh babs and shaad are very inactive. apparently shaad blew up on his last tribe bc they almost voted him out... for being inactive? like sir if the shoe fits. pls fix it. babs is going THRU it and I feel for them. but... just say somethin josh is kind of a king. jodi likes him. he's putting in a lot of effort and I appreciate that. not sure if it makes him a threat but it definitely makes him an asset SO I approached both of them with an alliance!! and it worked!! i now have ANOTHER alliance woo!! with josh and jodi!! woo!! here's part of my host chat rambling bc I confess way more there than I do here i think Jodi and Josh might be like a duo tho the way Jodi talks about is kinda sus imma need to weasel my way in maybe I'll suggest a trio alliance as the most 'active' people on the tribe as a means to get close to them, then I'll use that to secure a f2 with jodi jodi radiates the same type of chaotic energy I do in games but she gets more bored than I do which is not good but more fun

we LOST but im not SURPRISED i feel like we shouldve won SOLELY bc I got SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE to send me a selfie. that's fucking iconic. one of my proudest org career moments. anyway now the fun part begins. gotta decide who goes. it's either shaad or babs. I think the easiest and most common sense thing to do is vote babs because they've been more inactive. but also its the first live tribal and I think shaad will give drama if we vote him off. and that makes GOOD FUCKING TV. so idk. options options. we'll see!

holy shit phantoms won immunity. phantoms stays the winning tribe 4 times in a row holy shit. i actually wanted to win this time and put a lot of effort into this because no ma'am i need safety rn and work on these relationships. just need time. speaking of time, im about to hit hour 12 of the endurance hunt and im starting to feel like a madman. but babyyyyy i want another advantage and hopefully another fucking idol holy shit can you imagine???? i still haven't told anyone and my lips are gonna remain sealed. however i still think that yall are messy and set up my tribe where u knew brayden and i werent super close and from what ive gathered jay and elle weren't close either. so u put the two pairs that arent close with the one fool. okay so what else could we possibly have in common on this tribe to add more mess? IDOLS!!!!! like the three people that got the idols got swapped onto the same tribe like that has to be it. so jared would have to have one, even though he told me he didnt but the way he talked to me about idols in general literally makes me feel like he has one. i was like it would be so nice to have a little bit of security and hes like yeah i know what you mean. like bro just tell me u got a fuckin idol already. so then jay or elle have to have one. and i am convinced jay has one. maybe elle is gonna gag me with her idol but im gonna assume its jay. jared has spoken with him, and i have spoken with him. the three of us feel really good with each other (but im pretty sure jared has me above him bc i got to him first). we'll probs make an alliance chat shortly. i recognize that jared and jay are good at the strategic part of the game and are really smart and just good overall competitors and ESPECIALLY if they have idols that makes them even more dangerous. so i have to work with them than against them i have to make sure that they know i have them above everyone else. i think three strong players naturally gravitated towards eachother and if we really all do have idols its so funny that we're not telling each other. but im slowly but surely working on getting it out of them but if theyre as smart as i think they are they wont tell me. im just gonna continue being "transparent" with them and we'll see where it goes i hope they dont catch on. also jays a fucking liar because we were on a call today and i asked him if he did any hunts. he gave me a pause and then slurred his speech when he said "i haven't done any" like broooooooo ur fuckin lying to me right through your teeth. im convinced hes doing this one because he was up early for some breakfast and his lil skype thing showed online status allllll day like i gotta assume hes doing it. even if he didnt do the first three like hes def doing the last three dont play dumb with me!!!! i am not the one baby. but actually as im writing this hes not online anymore so if he really was doing it maybe he stopped? so if he was up early i would assume he started at 7 or 8 and ending by 9:30 he did 13 or 14 hours? idk im literally going till i cant stay up anymore ive already hit the 12 hours mark now if i went this long i have to go for the w likeee i have to. thats all i got for ya right now dont ever ask me for anything again.

no joke my brain is melting pls help

i want a survivor wiki page :(

During challenge: https://youtu.be/IsGPtYtgnQ4 After challenge results: https://youtu.be/CgmLGWBvEhw

https://youtu.be/Yfsh_odV-Zg

The tribe swap really confused me. I was finally getting the hang of this game but now I'm doubting myself again. I also haven't been active much for the past 2 days and I think my tribe mates have noticed. I need to stay on top of things better if I don't want to (eventually) get voted out.

That this tribe swap screwed me over. It left me with Babs whos been completely inactive and Shaad whos been completely useless. At least I gained an alliance with Jodi and Colin but this is fucking pitiful.

https://youtu.be/pE207b8VRFE

can't wait to vote out jared and jay once jury starts

So I had planned on doing hourly milestone activities like calling a friend at 15 hours, eating ice cream at 16 hours etc and I was filming it to vlog the evening for my confessionals.. but my mom called me around 10:55 for a family emergency and when it was done it was 11:01 and my alarm got overridden by the call. That’s how I dropped and I’m really sad 😔 i low key don’t wanna play the game today but I literally have tribal so I have to stay online, even tho I’d still be more active than babs and shaad ☠️ I wanted this one so bad because the only thing I’m good at is not sleeping. Whoever went longer than 15.5 hours is now at the top of my hitlist, if I find out you also tried this hard for an advantage, I will take u out w my army. Even if it’s a superidol. The only good thing from this L is it ignited a huge motivator for me to play this game hard again (but not too hard) but have a goal and mission to complete.

https://youtu.be/PR8XWvdH-Hc

update: i think Amy has it. I'll ask her about it at the merge, she won the 24 hour comp in her last org so it's very possible she gunned this advantage out. if she tells me she has it, then i know I'm absolutely her #1, if not, then we'll see what happens .....

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jared: He has done well to place himself firmly in the middle of his tribe. The two sides are definitely going by tribal lines at the moment which makes him the most powerful person on the tribe. Everyone wants to work with him. He will definitely be safe if his tribe has to go to tribal council soon.

Jay: This comes as a surprise, but Jay has bonded well with Jared. So much so that Jared listed Jay as the person he trusts the most currently on his tribe. This gives the S.E.E.S. side a bit more longevity on this tribe which is definitely in Jay’s interest. I can see Jared and Jay forming a tight duo.

Dennis: He is definitely in a better spot than he was on his last tribe. No one on this tribe has explicitly said they distrust or want to target Dennis. He’s playing it safe which is good. He lands himself higher than Elle because Jared seems to trust him more. If the decision was between Dennis and Elle, he would be the one safe. Additionally, he’s also sniffed out that the idols are all on this tribe (which is just a coincidence). However, he believes that Jay has it rather than Elle which is an unfortunate guess from him. However, what is excellent game sense is that he wants to form an alliance with Jay and Jared which could definitely benefit him in the long run when he needs to separate himself from his Phantoms.

Elle: It is sad to see Elle near the bottom, but it doesn’t seem like they have won anyone over with their charm on this tribe. Everyone besides Jay sees Elle as someone expendable if this tribe were to go to two consecutive tribal councils. On the plus side, Elle has an idol. If it comes to that, she may be able to keep herself safe.

Brayden: For some reason, no one except Dennis trusts Brayden. In fact, I would not be surprised if Jared, Jay, and Elle came to the consensus that he should be the one to go out of the two Phantoms. Brayden’s unwillingness to work with Dennis rears its ugly head as, even now, Brayden wants to distance himself from Dennis. He seems to believe that he is good with Jay and Jared when both parties have listed him on the bottom of their trust rankings. If Brayden is not careful, he is going to find himself blindsided and voted out premerge in this game.

Fools

Danny: Amy and Anastasia want to keep Danny in spite of their alliance with Ginny. It feels as if both of them want to work closely with him AND want to ditch that alliance. Danny easily has the most control as he has key allies that are willing to go to bat for him if things get messy. I even believe that he would be saved rather than Ginny if this tribe were to go to tribal council consecutively.

Anastasia: Her prior connection with Ginny has instantly landed her in an alliance with Amy despite the fact she doesn’t even know Amy like that. In fact, Anastasia doesn’t even trust Amy that much, but is still willing to work with her and pretend to be allies. Additionally, she has gotten into the good graces of Danny for whom she is trying to work closely with. Anastasia is the most connected with Danny which means she is the safest out of the group. However, Amy sees right through the veneer which means that Anastasia could be labelled as a big threat and be subsequently taken out at the early stages of merge. It was definitely a mistake to inform Amy about their prior connection with Elle.

Amy: What lands Amy here is that Anastasia doesn’t trust her. I was surprised too, but, looking at it, Anastasia would cut Amy over Ginnifer. What puts her above Ginnifer is her activity, however. Hopefully Amy can gain more trust with Danny and Anastasia and be safer in the future. Amy has a good read on Anastasia which keeps her in this position as well. She knows exactly what she needs to do to survive this tribe with the necessary numbers, but can she do it?

Ginnifer: I believe Ginnifer made a misstep by creating an alliance with Anastasia and Amy. At least for Amy, she doesn’t know how to feel considering Ginny never mentioned the alliance and just put them in it. It may have been a bit too presumptuous which leads to hesitation and distrust with the people she wants to ally with. Finally, Danny was also annoyed by Ginny being inactive near the start of the challenge which lowers her overall safety at tribal council

Jennifer: Where is Jennifer San Diego? Her inactivity and unhelpfulness in the challenge makes her the easiest target. There’s not much to say except if she doesn’t pick it up soon and socialize, she will be sitting in the VL.

S.E.E.S.

Jodi: Once again, Jodi has emerged as the tribe leader. Despite being on a plane for the whole day, she has been the most vocal about organizing the challenge. People are very attracted to Jodi’s energy making it easy for her to make allies in any situation she finds herself in. Right now, she has allied with Colin and Josh which easily puts her on the top of this trio alliance. Therefore, she is the safest person on the tribe. She has also been dictating this vote pretty heavily. I fear that Jodi just does not know how to chill though. Her biggest weakness is that she will jump out at anything and try to keep talking when she should just hold back. If she keeps playing the way she is, she will end up as an early jury boot.

Colin: Colin has attached himself to Jodi pretty heavily. I can definitely see this being Colin’s Final 2 rather than any of his allies back on S.E.E.S. The good part about it is that Jodi seems to feel the same way which is great. Additionally, Colin can hide behind Jodi’s massive target at merge.

Josh: Josh does very well in the challenges which keeps him in people’s good graces. His activity definitely helps him survive this tribe as well. He has found himself allied with Jodi out of necessity though. I do not doubt that Colin and Jodi will leave Josh in the dust once merge rolls around and they have their allies back. However, Josh is doing the thing he should be doing at pre-merge: being good at challenges and being active. Anything more would put an unnecessary target on his back at merge.

Babs: Babs is never online and did not even try to help in the challenge. This leaves them low. However, they do still have a Vote Blocker so they can pull some shenanigans if they so choose. Additionally, their inactivity may be used as a shield for now as, at the very least, Jodi is still willing to gtry and get to know Babs.

Shaad: I do not particularly understand why the trio alliance wants to target Shaad. He has a pre-established enemy in Jared and is willing to blow up if he wants to. He could make a great shield in the future, and he would not target these people. However, they believe that Shaad is more useless in the challenges than Babs (despite Babs never being online). And, without any allies on this tribe, there is no one there to vouch for Shaad making his demise seem clear. I hope somehow Shaad can pull himself out, but it does not seem likely.

#episode #episodes

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junker-town · 4 years

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11 staple recipes from sports bloggers who work from home A LOT

SB Nation staff have spent years working from home. Here are some of our favorite recipes, for the laziest cooks AND the more ambitious.

We here at SB Nation have been preparing for social isolation for years, in a way. We work all over the country (in fact, the world), and so have gotten quite good at feeding ourselves, thank you very much. To work remotely at an often fast-paced job, it helps to have a repertoire of cheap, easy, fast and most importantly good recipes at hand.

So without much further ado, here’s a look at how SB Nation likes to feed itself so that you can too. These recipes are sorted beginning from low effort* to high, so you can find exactly the meal you need for whatever your situation.

* Not including frozen pizzas and/or fistfuls of chips, which SB Nation also considers part of a healthy diet.

If you need something REALLY easy

Freshly meal service

OK, if you landed on this page looking for easy meals because you can’t or don’t like to cook, I am here for you. About a month before the pandemic hit, I tried out Freshly meal service. Freshly provides single-serving meals that heat up in the microwave in three minutes and I promise you that these actually taste good.

All of Freshly’s meals are gluten free, peanut free, and contain no refined sugars. They’re pretty healthy and my body honestly felt better after eating these meals for two weeks compared to what I typically eat. I promise no one paid me to write this, I just like these meals so much.

Freshly also has tons of meals options to choose from, and the app is so easy to use it’s almost fun. And the best part? No cooking. Just throw these in the microwave and you have a truly tasty meal. I put them on a plate afterwords just to make myself feel like I cooked.

I can’t advocate for it enough if this fits your lifestyle.

— Whitney Medworth

Just throw a bunch of stuff in an Instant Pot

Do you have zero patience for cooking? Do you like tender, pull-apart meats and poultry that falls off the bone? Do you appreciate the danger of using deadly atmospheric forces to imbue flavor to bland meats?

Hoooo buddy, then the Instant Pot is for you. It’s basically a pressure cooker/crock pot hybrid that can give you slow-cooked tenderness in one hour instead of six. Since my cooking philosophy boils down to “chop stuff, put it in a pot, stir occasionally,” this magic food cylinder quickly became a trusted ally in my battle against poorly cooked meals.

Here’s my go-to chicken burrito bowl recipe.

Ingredients

2 pounds chicken thighs (can be boneless or skinless, your call) 2 cans corn 2 cans black beans 2 cans diced tomatoes (adding some salsa here is optional. I throw a bunch of salsa verde and sour cream into the mix after everything’s cooked) 2 cans green chiles (the little ones) 1 white onion Maybe some chopped bell peppers A bunch of taco seasoning (or get creative) Approximately 1/4 cup chicken broth

Start with the broth, then add the chicken to the pot. Coat the chicken liberally with seasoning. Add the vegetables. More seasoning. Stir the mix on top of the chicken. Then seal the lid and pressure cook on high for 12 minutes. It will take longer than that because the machine needs to heat up and then, later, release all the pressure that just made your chicken a juicy damn delight.

If you get the “burn” notice on the machine, transfer everything to a big pot, clean out the instant pot, and try again with more broth at the bottom of the cooking vessel. In the end, you should get chicken that shreds apart when you stir your finished product with a little force. Ladle that beautiful mess over rice (which you can also cook easily and masterfully in an Instant Pot), or in tortillas, or over tortilla chips.

Plus, it reheats well, so you can glean two to three meals for a three- or four-person household. Feel free to play around with the recipe, too. Add what you like. It’s incredibly hard to screw up with an Instant Pot.

— Christian D’Andrea

Simple, good salad dressing

This is the salad dressing that mom my made almost every day when I was growing up, and that I still make because I’m a creature of habit and somehow still haven’t gotten sick of it after 30-plus years.

Ingredients

Diced shallot (to taste, really. I like lots, but let’s say half a medium bulb) Approximately 3 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar (I eyeball) A little more than that of olive oil Salt and pepper to taste Optional: 1/2 tablespoon (approximately) Dijon mustard

Throw diced shallot at the bottom of your salad bowl. Pour balsamic on top. Sprinkle with salt. You can let this sit as you make the rest of your meal. The vinegar will dissolve the shallot and salt in the mean time.

Whisk in olive oil and crack pepper on top. I do a bit more oil than vinegar, let’s say a 1.2:1 ratio, but really it’s to your taste; some people like the pucker. Throw lettuce in the bowl, mix, and hey look you have a salad. I like to mix in a big dollop of Dijon mustard into the dressing, too, which also helps bind the dressing to the lettuce.

— Louis Bien

If you want to feel like you cooked

Fooch’s spaghetti sauce

Ingredients

2 cans diced tomatoes (14.5 ounce cans — can cut in half for smaller serving) 2 to 3 cans tomato paste (6 ounce cans — depending on thickness you want) Roughly 1/2 a green bell pepper, chopped Roughly 1/2 a small yellow onion, chopped 6 to 10 cloves of garlic, minced (feel free to add more) Some red wine or sherry Mix of seasonings: Garlic powder, salt, black pepper, chili powder, red pepper flakes, Italian seasoning (can try whatever seasonings you’ve got) Olive oil

I don’t use precise measurements for the seasonings, the wine or the total amount of green peppers and onions. Pour enough olive oil to coat the bottom of your sauce pan. Heat it up on medium, then drop in the green peppers and onions. Simmer it a bit and then add in the garlic and let simmer a bit longer. Add the mix of seasonings, nothing too crazy in terms of amount. Don’t let the garlic burn.

Add the diced tomatoes, paste and some wine/sherry and mix everything. Add some more of the seasonings. Mix it all together and once you see it bubble a little, turn the heat as low as possible while still keeping the burner on. Stir every 10 to 20 minutes. If I do one of each can, I cook the sauce for a little over two hours. If I cook two of each can, I cook the sauce 2.5 to three hours.

If you have meatballs, drop them in with about an hour left of cooking, and let them cook up in there.

— David Fucillo

A James-Fooch interlude

James: omg i had something planned to write but im reeling at fooch using 2-3 CANS of tomato paste in his red sauce

Fooch: James, worth noting they’re smaller cans. Let me get the oz total

James: i dont care the can size, david. that is too much paste

Fooch: not even a little bit

James: YOU MADE IT WORSE FOOCH.... 12-18 OUNCES OF PASTE ... that’s a either just unde or over a POUND of tomato paste

Fooch: I’m curious to see what kind of runny sauce you roll out there

James’ spaghetti sauce (AKA, the one not cooked up in a lab by a monster)

I had planned to share a unique recipe to separate myself from my colleagues, but after reading how much tomato paste Fooch puts in his sauce I felt an intervention was needed.

When I make a red sauce I like to make a lot of it. It freezes well, and when you put the time and effort in that this sauce requires, you deserve to be able to have some on-hand whenever you need it.

Ingredients

2 cans of whole San Marzano tomatoes (28 ounces each) 1 can of tomato paste (6 ounces) 4 cloves of garlic, crushed 1 yellow onion, diced 1 Parmesan cheese rind Red wine 2 cups fresh basil Salt Pepper Olive oil Red pepper flakes

Heat a Dutch oven, or heavy-bottomed large saucepan over medium heat. Add olive oil until it’s shimmering, but not smoking. You can use whatever you have on hand, but I prefer light olive oil for this because it has a higher smoke point. Add the onions and cook until they’re translucent (roughly three to four minutes). Add the garlic and cook until fragrant.

At this point you want to add the tomato paste and red pepper flakes. Stir continuously and watch for the paste to deepen in color. It’s likely you will have some stuck to the pan, and that’s OK — that’s good. Deglaze the pan with red wine, roughly one cup.

Add the tomatoes, reduce the heat to medium-low, and put a lid on the pot — slightly ajar to let out steam. Simmer for 45 minutes to an hour.

Use a potato masher to break up the tomatoes, which at this point should have collapsed and mash easily. Stir the sauce together and add the rind of a piece of Parmesan cheese, which sounds fancy but you’ll have it from any decent hunk you buy. This is also the point when you can add any meat, should you so desire. Brown meatballs, Italian sausage or ground beef in a separate pan, add to the sauce. Simmer for another 30 to 45 minutes.

Remove 10 to 12 leaves of fresh basil, chop and reserve them. Put what remains of your bunch of basil, stalk and all, into the pot and let the sauce simmer for another 15 minutes. Taste, add salt and pepper as needed. Remove the basil stalks and Parmesan rind, remove the sauce from the heat and add the remaining chopped basil just before plating.

If you find the sauce is too thick from reducing, reserve some pasta water from the noodles you’re cooking and use it to thin the sauce. Do not use stock or regular water.

— James Dator

Simple, good roast chicken

The New Best Recipe from America’s test kitchen is cheap, MASSIVE and has taught me a helluva lot about cooking. It doesn’t just list recipes, it explains how those recipes were created by telling the story of failed variations that came before, going into minute detail about almost every ingredient.

The recipe for roast chicken is the most abused page in my copy. Their version solves for a common problem: How do you get the white meat and the dark meat both tasting good on the same bird? Too often, you have to choose: perfect chicken breasts and underdone legs; juicy legs and dry, overdone breasts.

You don’t have to sacrifice anymore. This recipe works best with a v-rack, but if you don’t have one a simple pan will do fine. Just check out the alteration below.

Ingredients

3.5 to 4 pound whole chicken 2 tablespoons melted butter Salt and pepper to taste Vegetable oil

With v-rack

Set oven to 375 degrees. While it preheats, pat chicken dry then brush the outside with butter. Season with lots of salt and pepper.

Brush v-rack with vegetable oil and place it in a shallow roasting pan (you can line the pan with foil for easier clean-up). Place chicken wing-side up in the v-rack and place in the oven for 15 minutes. Then, flip the chicken so the other wing is up, and give it another 15 minutes in the oven.

Turn the oven nob up to 450 degrees (no need to wait for the temperature to rise unless you know your oven is particularly slow) and place the chicken back in the oven breasts up. For a chicken on the smaller end, 20 to 25 minutes may be enough. On the bigger end, you may need 30 to 35 minutes. Thermometers are your friend: white meat should be at approximately 160 degrees when it’s done, while dark meat should be at 165 degrees.

Once your chicken’s done, take it out of the oven, let it rest for 10 minutes, carve, and eat. I made this last night and can confirm that both the white meat and dark meat were damn juicy and delicious.

Without v-rack

Total roasting time should be approximately the same, but you’ll want to roast the bird starting breast-side down for 20 minutes at 375 degrees. Then crank the nob to 450, flip the chicken so it’s breast-side up, and cook until done — another 30ish minutes for a smaller bird, 40ish minutes for a bigger bird. The skin probably won’t be as crispy, but you should still have a tasty roast chicken at the end of the process.

Addendum

Butter, salt and pepper is all I need most of the time, but feel free to rub on whatever herbs and spices you’d like into the skin after you’ve buttered it. It’s hard to go overboard. Also shout out to Cervo’s in New York City. I used their Piri Piri rub on my last roast chicken the other day and it was :chefkiss:

— Louis Bien

Spinach-pecan pesto (vegan)

Ingredients

2 cups spinach 1/4 cup raw pecans 1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil 2 to 3 garlic cloves, depending on your taste Salt and black pepper to taste

The biggest issue many of us have in isolation: How do I eat pasta differently for the seventh day in a row? And how do I make meals that don’t require 5,000 different ingredients, especially if grocery stores are out of stock?

You’re in luck. You can prepare my variation of this pesto as a marinade for chicken or as a pasta sauce.

Toast raw pecans over low-medium heat until fragrant, then allow to cool.

Food processor pecans, spinach, and garlic until minced.

Slowly add olive oil until blended to your preferred consistency.

Salt and pepper to taste.

Optional: My preferred way to eat this is sautéing onions or shallots in 1 tablespoon of butter or oil, adding shrimp, and tossing it altogether with the marinade and whole wheat pasta.

— Brittany Cheng

Vegetable fried rice

Serious Eats is one of my go-tos when I’m trying to cook something I’ve never done before, for two reasons. First, they don’t just explain how to make a dish, they get into why you take certain steps. Second, Serious Eats recipes understand that you, the humble home cook, may not have every preferred ingredient or piece of equipment available, and adjust when they can by showing you where you can substitute or change course in the recipe and still make something delicious.

Their guide for vegetable fried rice is no exception. You can make this with fresh rice or leftover rice. You can use a wok or a cast iron skillet. You can add meat or eggs if you like, but you also don’t have to. The result is delicious and comforting. I offer only these pieces of advice as you set out on your fried rice journey.

Read the whole recipe through beforehand and do your prep work ahead of time (cut your onions, your carrots, and so on, and put them off to the side so they’re ready to go). You don’t want to be racing to chop things.

Open a window and get your oven hood fan cranking. You’re gonna be working with very high heat and probably end up with some smoke.

If you add a fried egg to yours, go ahead and add a second. You deserve it!

— Ryan Nanni

Sweet potato black bean tacos with guac (vegan)

Ingredients

1 sweet potato 1 can of black beans, rinsed and drained 1/3 an onion, chopped Chopped Red pepper Garlic salt, smoked paprika for taste

For the guac:

1 avocado, ripe 1 lime Red onion or shallot 2 cloves of garlic

As a runner I live on sweet potatoes. They’re packed with nutrients and taste great. What more do you need? Sweet potatoes are also incredibly versatile. They can be roasted, boiled or nuked and added to any dish. For a simple, and super healthy, alternative to regular old tacos, swap out the meat for a can of black beans and pack the tortilla with sweet potatoes.

To microwave the sweet potato, rinse thoroughly and prick the exterior with a fork. Wrap the potato loosely in a wet paper towel and put in the microwave on high for six minutes, or until tender. (Many microwaves have a setting for potatoes. Use that if available.)

Rinse and drain the black beans and set them aside. Chop the onion and pepper and drop them into a skillet over medium heat with a tablespoon of olive or canola oil, giving the onion a chance to caramelize. Add the black beans and flavor with a dash of garlic salt and smoked paprika. (You can use any spices you like. Get creative and funky.)

Cook for about two to three minutes, or until tender.

Guacamole is my go-to in almost every situation, but you can use any other topping you like. To make your own guac, slice an avocado and scoop out the filling into a bowl, mashing lightly with a fork. Add salt, onion and garlic along with the lime and stir until you get your desired consistency.

Throw everything into a tortilla and enjoy.

— Paul Flannery

If you have some time on your hands (LOL) and want to go all-out

Homemade dumpling recipe

Ingredients

2 packages of dumpling wrappers

Dumpling filling:

1/4 cup vegetable oil (no substitute) 1 1/4 pound ground meat (or vegetable filling of choice, such as cabbage and carrots) 1 egg (remove if allergic) 2 bunches of Chinese chives or scallions 3 tablespoons sesame oil (no substitute) 1/4 cup soy sauce

Egg wash:

1 egg 1 tablespoon water

Egg wash substitute, if allergic:

1/2 cup water 1 tablespoon cornstarch

Warning: Making dumplings usually takes me about three hours, but if you’re up for the task, it’s so rewarding. The hardest part about making dumplings is finding the wrappers. If you don’t live near an Asian grocery store, you can sometimes find them in Giant or Safeway, which carry Nasoya gyoza wrappers in the tofu section. Do not use wonton wrappers.

If you have two extra hours on your hands, you can make homemade wrappers by following these instructions by Woks of Life, whose pork-chive dumplings were the original version of my recipe.

Heat vegetable oil over medium-high heat, roughly seven minutes. Cool to room temperature. I can attest this does create a “nuttier” and deeper flavor.

Mix the ingredients of the dumpling filling together. I use ground pork. You can stir-fry the mixed filling to sample the taste before assembly and make adjustments.

Make egg wash or my egg-free substitute by whipping those ingredients.

Assemble about 150-200 dumplings using 1 teaspoon to 1 1/2 tsp of meat per wrapper, using the wash to seal. Keep most of dumpling filling in the fridge and take portions out as needed.

To store:

Line a baking pan with parchment paper and put dumplings on there. Stick batches into the freezer as you go. This freezes the dough so dumplings won’t stick to each other.

After each batch spends 30 minutes in the freezer, they can be tossed into gallon freezer bags for storage.

To pan fry:

Heat 2 tablespoons of cooking oil (vegetable, canola) to non-stick skillet over medium-high. Do not let oil burn.

Arrange dumplings and cook for four minutes, or until the bottoms of the dumplings are light golden brown.

Add 1/4 cup of water, immediately place lid over skillet, and turn to low to low-medium heat to steam for about four minutes.

Remove lid and cook until the water is mostly evaporated.

To boil:

Bring salted water to a rapid boil.

Cook dumplings in boiling water for about five to six minutes (add two to three minutes if they’re frozen) until they float. Stir occasionally.

— Brittany Cheng

Simple, good cassoulet

Cassoulet is my favorite dish in the world, and I’m on a mission to perfect it. The hardest part may be acquiring all the ingredients. You may need to visit a bougie grocery store to find duck confit and duck fat, for example. But once you have the goods, cooking cassoulet is a trial of patience more than anything.

Here’s my great, relatively simple recipe that I adapted from a French cookbook called Connaître la cuisine du sud-ouest by Francine Claustres. If you can read French or are willing to put in some effort translating, it has multiple variations of cassoulet, from Toulouse, to Carcassonne, to Castelnaudary and beyond. Trust me, once you try one cassoulet, you’ll want to try them all.

— Louis Bien

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nicomrade · 7 years

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i was tagged by @the-space-enby! thank you 4 taggin me bub!

In general:

Real name: lmao im not 100% confy  w/ my birth name anymore so ye. yall should really really call me moki tho

Nicknames: except for the shit based on my birth name/moki i am sometimes known as, birb

 Sexuality: pan/aro ayyyyyy

 Preferred pronouns: they/them baby. he/him is acceptable if you dont have cool neutral pronouns like english does tho no prob friendo i dont mind

 Are you a morning person?: i have to be up in the morning or else im gonna have a shit day but morning is for doin nothin on the interwebs and eating your noon at 11am. im actually super productive at 12pm/1pm so ill say not at all a morning person? like early afternoon? also night is super great if im hyperfocusing on something or else its just the time when im being Sad

 When swimming, do you prefer to do it in the ocean, or in a lake?: pool all the way baby. i swam in a lake once (1) and i remember it being cold so if its Hot why not but ayyy those good ol man-made pools full of piss are the way to go

On tumblr:

Anyone you would like to meet in real life?: mmm @vava-chan-take-over-the-world ??? we gotta meet up next time you come to europe bub

 Anyone you have met in real life?: like the irl friends i bullied into getting a tumblr ye but that doesnt count

When did you first join? How old is your current account?: im too lazy to check but my meme memory should be enough here. i joined few months before that “i crave that mineral” meme so fall 2014 i believe

 Any peeves?: people using the wrong aro flag :( i dont wanna call them out or make an actual post about it cause if youre aro and use the yellow or the orange one then go you!!!! do your thing!!!! and like some artists put time & effort into art themed after the wrong one and i dont wanna be that guy so i shut up but please!!!!!!!! please try using the green/green/white/grey/black one?

Unpopular opinion: not only bigots but bigots-sympathizers should get punched in their ugly, bigoted faces. if youre helping the spread of hateful ideologies because its “freedom of speech” or “looking at all the point of views!!” then im going to personally break your knees regardless of what you actually believe in.

Feelings:

Do you easily get jealous?: not really jealous?? but like, left out & unloved. its mostly when friends seem to be closer to each other than to me but like whenever im third wheeling my current girl crush i die a little more inside

 Do you easily get angry?: i think im p chill? like im the one messing with others and making them angry without meaning to usually. but when im in A Mood and i Need to be Alone im gonna snap and want to kill whoever’s in my space while im lowkey freaking out

 Are you easy to cheer up?: depends??????? on what i need???? some times any of my friend can cause i need to think of something else but othertime its, you say the wrong thing im gonna block you, steal your cat and when you eventually find out ill be like “do u hear that too kitty? it sounds like this place’s haunted or something i keep hearing a voice but i cant see where its coming from”

 Are you good at hiding your emotions?: i wrote a book called “how to make your friends think youre mentally doing great when youre actually in the middle of a 3 months long mental breakdown” so i’d say, via text hell yes, in person i think my mood shifts are pretty obvious

What’s the very best way to cheer you up?: invite me to your house, come to mine even tho i said no, take advantage of my surprise and knock me the fuck out, put me in my bed and go home. ill wake up thinking it was one of my fucked up dreams and feeling better cause Night Time is Hell Time but Noon Time is I’ll See How This Day’s Going Time (ISHTDG Time)

Relationships:

Are you currently in a relationship?: nah

Do you currently have a crush on someone?: i think i still have that crush on that dude from my class though the year’s finished and my girl crush i mentionned earlier. im aro tho so the meaning of crush varies

 If yes, might that someone be reading this?: lmao neither have a tumblr i hope not

Do you kiss on the first date?: my aro ass says whats a date but my touch starved ass says i’ll kiss on the minus 2nd date???

Do you prefer going out, or staying home, when it comes to dates?: whats a date lol

Things:

Favorite drink: its the unhealthiest of all its coke ayyyyyy

Favorite food: lasagnas?? strawberry pie???? fucking pineapple pizza???

Most calming place?: i dont give a fuck about the place whats important is: are there any people around? nobodys there?: chill af, anyones there?:.im already sensory overloading m8

Most stressful place?: anything that reminds me of a Bad Time

 Most prized possession?: im a man of many loves dont make me choose. im a bad commie being attached to material stuff but thats the way i am & marx can kinkshame me anytime

i tag like @fullmoondagger if he wants to & @creepycreampuff if they dont mind also

#tagged #tried not to go edgy in some of those answers cause thats not for my main tumblr anymore lmao

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