#but then as they got older Liu ended up a little bit taller than him and he was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shijiujun · 4 years

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be your light (and that’s all i want)

Chusheng’s first instinct always is to make sure Lu Yao is safe, even if it means putting himself between danger and his San Tu.

Lu Yao is not happy about having to face the possibility of Chusheng dying so often.

For @untamedweiying who asked: Remember when Chusheng and Lu Yao were being chased by a car through the whole city, and then Chusheng was like "let's greet this motherfuckers" and stepped out, and Lu Yao went like "NO" and wouldn't let him go and legit pictured the scene of Chusheng getting shot by a Gatling gun and being unable to do anything about it . Like the honest concern and the "if you die I have no idea what I would do" in that moment, and then it was ???? Never addressed again?

Lu Yao is glad that real life doesn’t imitate movies, because for a moment, he was so sure that men in black with guns would come falling out of the car and shoot at Chusheng and then him. The fear that sank into his bones as the images, ridiculous as they were, played on the insides of his eyeballs, crippled him, and all Lu Yao could do is put his hand over his mouth and gasp as the doors to the other car opened.

Of course, in the end, it turned out to be just Tong Li, Youning’s arch nemesis.

As Chusheng dallies with Tong Li, a stupid, dumb smile on his face, Lu Yao tries to calm his racing heart.

The first thing he thought earlier as the car sped down the streets and then got stuck in this alley, was simply-

What is he going to do if Qiao Chusheng dies?

Lu Yao shudders, then shakes his head and slaps the both of his hands over each side of his cheeks, trying to wake himself up. Maybe he’s just hungry and his brain is malfunctioning. Did he get enough sleep last night? Probably not.

What the hell is wrong with you, a voice in the back of his head chides.

The thought is put out of his head for the rest of the day, especially after the snack he has with Chusheng where they plot to keep their cooperation with Tong Li from Youning.

Hours later in bed, Lu Yao’s mind inevitably returns to the thought of Chusheng dying before him. His hand clench around his pillow tighter, the scene replaying in his head on loop.

If Qiao Chusheng really, if he really left, how would he feel?

Chusheng and Youning are his only friends in Shanghai, and well, of course he doesn’t dislike Youning, even if they banter and fight all the time. Chusheng, however, Lao Qiao?

Lu Yao can’t quite put into words what he feels for the man. Friendship seem like an understatement. Describing them as brothers doesn’t feel right either, because Lu Yao has seen some of the brothers that the man talks about, and Chusheng sure doesn’t treat him the way he treats them.

He only has to ask for Chusheng to give him what he wants. Lu Yao only has to frown, pout or sulk once, and Chusheng will be turning around to ask him what’s wrong. He only has to look at a food stall and Chusheng is there, amused and expectant, knowing exactly what Lu Yao wants to do. The only person who would tell him to go and hide while he deals with danger and threat head on, then coming back to find Lu Yao when it’s safe.

Chusheng is the only person who cares about Lu Yao above himself, in a way that no one has since his mother passed away. The only person who would believe him unconditionally, the thought of Lu Yao betraying him never once coming to mind.

Whatever it is, the last thing Lu Yao wants to ever think about is Chusheng possibly leaving him.

That night, sleep eludes him, the room suddenly too quiet and his body too cold under the covers.

===

And Chusheng keeps doing it.

Before, Lu Yao wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but after that afternoon with the car chase and his overreactive imagination, it’s as if Lu Yao can’t switch his brain off. The moment the situation turns the slightest bit dangerous, that deep-seated fear he usually tries to lock away rears its ugly head, leaving him shaky and paralysed.

It happens every time Chusheng covers him with his body when they’re dealing with a shootout, even though Lu Yao is way taller than him.

The time another gang stupidly ambushed the police station with guns and small bombs, and Chusheng quickly stuffed Lu Yao under his table, the safest location for now, as he ran off with only a gun in his hand. Lu Yao remembers grabbing at Chusheng’s hand as he stood to go.

“Don’t go,” he swallowed with wide eyes, his grip on Chusheng’s wrist unnaturally strong.

Chusheng looked up, no doubt seeing the gunfight and what not outside, and there was no way he wasn’t going to go.

“Be good,” he ended up saying to Lu Yao, patting his hand twice and then shook his grip off easily, running off.

Or that time when they ended up in an abandoned, burning hospital in the hills, and Chusheng pushed Lu Yao and Youning out of the way of a dropping, burning log from the ceiling. That one came really close, and Lu Yao was quiet for a few days after that, even though Chusheng ended up only with a broken collarbone and some mild burns across his chest from where he was pinned under the log.

Every time it happens, the whisper in his head gets louder and louder.

What will you do if he’s gone?

The last straw, Lu Yao thinks, is this.

Chusheng taking the lashes from the whip meant for him, all because Lu Yao cracked a case and they ended up arresting one of the nephews of Du He, a gang leader that has ties to Boss Bai. It doesn’t make sense to Lu Yao at all — his nephew killed eleven women and Lu Yao, together with Chusheng, were just doing their damn job.

“Hand him over to me and you can go, Qiao Si,” the man said earlier.

Lu Yao only hears the ringing in his ears, and someone is shouting — it takes a hand and a cloth smothering his nose and mouth to realize that the person making so much noise was him.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with him,” Chusheng replied with a small little smirk, taking off his jacket, and then his shirt. “He’s working for me. If you’ve got any issues with that, you come for me, not him.”

He knows what Chusheng is going to do, but Chusheng can’t take any more damage. When Du He captured the both of them earlier, Chusheng already took a knife to the abdomen while fighting off the twenty men who came for them.

Panic grips him and Lu Yao lunges forward, but hands grab him and drag him off to the side.

Thirty lashes, all because they were doing their jobs.

“San Tu, it’s alright,” Chusheng reassured him before the first crack of the whip sounded.

It has nothing to do with him, Lu Yao wants to yell, struggling against the arms restraining him, hit me, not him!

By the fifteenth lash, Chusheng keels over from where he’s kneeling, his face pale and blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth.

Lu Yao doesn’t remember feeling this helpless, not since he met Chusheng. Not since his mother passed away, and Lu Yao wept over her grave for days straight.

He shouts again and with the last of his strength, tries to dash ahead, but he doesn’t get far.

He hates Du He, hates the monster of a nephew he has, hates the triads and the underworld and their fucking shite rules, hates that he’s so weak like this, unable to do anything as Chusheng once again protects him, unable to keep Chusheng with him, the man dying because of him-

Before the last crack of the whip, the doors to the manor slam open, and in steps Bai Qili, and Youning. At the sight of Chusheng, Youning’s eyes widen.

It takes only one glance at a bloodied, unconscious Chusheng on the ground for Boss Bai’s eyes to darken.

“You’ve got some balls, touching my son,” the man says evenly, stepping in, his every step measured. “Taking him without my permission and punishing him? What gave you the right?!”

At the anger in the man’s voice, everyone steps back, including the men holding Lu Yao. Their grips loosen just enough for Lu Yao to dart forward, and then he’s free, running towards Chusheng.

“Lao Qiao,” Lu Yao calls, his voice hoarse and trembling as he pulls Chusheng to him. “Lao Qiao, Lao Qiao-“

Youning joins him the next second, tears in her eyes, “Ge, Chusheng-ge-“

She looks up, and her father glances at the three of them for a second, before nodding.

“San Tu, we have to get him to the hospital,” she springs into action quickly. “We have to hurry.”

Everything is a blur next. In fact, Lu Yao isn’t so sure if it’s him that is moving, or if Youning is taking over, because Lu Yao simply cannot- he cannot think. Chusheng’s blood is all over Lu Yao’s sleeves, his shirt, and there’s so much blood. He’s pretty sure some skin has come off. Youning is the one who wraps Chusheng in his shirt and jacket, and then she’s snapping at Lu Yao.

“San Tu! Get it together, I can’t pick him up, you have to carry him for me!”

Lu Yao does as he’s told. He ends up carrying Chusheng in a fireman’s lift, putting him over his shoulder so as not to touch his ruined back, and they pile into one of the cars lined up outside. He barely registers the fact that the Bais have brought at least fifty men with them, including Liu Zi and two older men that Lu Yao vaguely remember Youning and Chusheng calling Lao Er and San shu.

Xiao Qi, the brother next in line after Chusheng, is driving the car.

Lu Yao is so cold, hugging Chusheng to him.

What will you do if he’s gone?

“… why’re you crying,” comes a rasp, cold fingers touching his cheeks, wiping at his tears.

Lu Yao didn’t even realize he was crying. Staring at Chusheng, who’s barely awake and his eyes glassy as they try to focus on him, Lu Yao finds all the words stuck in his throat.

“Ge!” Youning calls in relief, just as Xiao Qi says, “Si-ge!”

“This is nothing,” Chusheng continues. “San Tu ah, don’t worry-“

“Shut up,” Lu Yao says through gritted teeth, his knuckles going white from how hard he’s holding onto Chusheng. “Just shut up.”

It’s just as well that Chusheng slips back into unconsciousness next, because Lu Yao doesn’t know what to say to him. He doesn’t know what he can say without just breaking down in tears.

He can’t take any of this anymore.

===

The second the doctor says that Chusheng is going to live and will be bedridden for at least three weeks, Lu Yao turns on his heels and leaves the hospital.

===

“You’re ridiculous, you know that? What did I do in my previous life to have known you?”

Lu Yao doesn’t respond, huddled on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him, covering his head. A bag of what smells like dumplings is set on the coffee table in front of him, but he doesn’t move.

“Lu Yao! I swear, if you’re not going to eat or talk or move and if you just want to die, then don’t do it in my house and on my couch! I might deal with bodies everyday at the institute, but the last thing I want to do is deal with you!”

He hasn’t moved a lot in the last week.

“Just starve to death, see if I care! When you faint, I’ll just throw you out.”

Lu Yao’s not sure what he wants to do, but staying right here on this couch forever sounds like a good idea.

A loud, aggravated sigh sounds, and then Liu Mo comes into his line of vision. The shorter man drags a chair over and sits opposite Lu Yao on the other side of the table. Despite what he said, Liu Mo unpacks the dumpling soup and noodles, even shifting Lu Yao’s portion closer to him.

After a long moment, bony hands emerge from the abyss that is the thick duvet, and grabs for the soup.

“Lu Yao, what are you thinking?” Liu Mo shakes his head, frowning at him, but the relief at seeing Lu Yao eat is clear in his voice.

“You just turn up at my house with blood all over your shirt and insist you want to stay. And to keep it a secret that you’re here. What the hell happened? I haven’t asked, but this is getting ridiculous. You just hang out on my couch staring into space!”

Now that he thinks about it, it’s a miracle that Liu Mo took him in on such short notice. Lu Yao didn’t really think much when he fled from the hospital — all he knew was that he needed to get out, get away and hide, and he couldn’t do that at home. For a moment he panicked, standing out on the empty streets, wondering where he could go because Chusheng and Youning are his only friends here.

It only occured to him later that he could call either Qian Rui, or Liu Mo. He went with the least likely choice in the end, and when he’s feeling a little better, Lu Yao will remember to thank Liu Mo for letting him stay despite hating him.

Besides, Qian Rui might have called his older sister or father if Lu Yao turned up like this. Lu Yao hasn’t figured out what he wants to do yet, but he’s not about to let Lu Miao or any of his brothers, or even Zhiqing-ge kidnap him home.

Liu Mo’s clothes are terribly tight and short on him, but if it means he’s clean and doesn’t have to move an inch away from the couch, Lu Yao is willing to take it.

No one will find him here. No one will get hurt because of him again.

Chusheng won’t be hurt because of him, not if Lu Yao never turns up in front of him again. This way, Lu Yao doesn’t have to worry about Chusheng dying or leaving him. It’ll hurt like a bitch, but at least Chusheng will be alive, and that’s better than him being dead.

Lu Yao still has no idea what he would ever do without Chusheng. For now, spending his days in one spot, on the couch, seems to be the only option.

“These dumplings are good,” he says, completely ignoring Liu Mo’s question.

“I swear to god, Lu Yao, you little shit-“

===

The next day, Liu Mo turns up with a baguette for brunch. Then for dinner, fish soup that tastes just like the one from the stall opposite the police station.

“This is good,” Lu Yao comments, looking up from his bowl to stare at Liu Mo, “Where did you get this?”

“… some, some lady at the canteen cooked extra and I took some home,” Liu Mo answers, resolutely looking at the shelf behind Lu Yao.

It takes him another three days — another six meals, all his favourites — to realize what’s happening.

Almost finishing the fragrant crispy roasted duck, Lu Yao looks up and stares at Liu Mo for a long, long time. The man fidgets in his chair and Lu Yao almost slaps himself, because how could he have just believed Liu Mo? The man is a terrible liar, he knows this. And yet, Lu Yao easily took his word for it in the past few days.

“You told him?!”

“I didn’t!” Liu Mo rushes to explain, flustered, “I mean, you’re talking about the Bai family and the police, Lu Yao, are you kidding me? He found me a few days ago and said he’d take me to the station for kidnapping if I didn’t tell the truth and- think about it, you came to me and I kindly let you stay and he was going to arrest me! And… and, he just drops off food for you, and gets me to bring it up.”

He.

There’s only one man who knows exactly what he likes to eat. Lu Yao remembers clearly the doctor saying, “Three weeks of bedrest, no moving.”

It’s impossible for Chusheng to still be here considering it’s been an hour since Liu Mo came back with the duck, but Lu Yao wipes his hands on his shirt and leaps to his feet anyway, heading for the door. Nearly falling because his legs haven’t seen much exercise in the past ten days, Lu Yao stumbles all the way until he’s pulling the door open, ready to just run out without his shoes on.

He barely takes one step out before freezing in his footsteps, his breath catching in his throat.

Sitting on the porch, back facing him, is one Qiao Chusheng.

At the sight of him, Lu Yao warms — relief, wonder and affection just surging for the man, but as quickly as the emotions come, anger floods through him even faster. Before he knows what he’s doing, Lu Yao is stomping his way angrily to Chusheng as the man turns around at the noise, a look of surprise on his face.

“Are you dumb?!” Lu Yao seethes, seeing red, “Are you- The doctor said three weeks! Three fucking weeks, and I- I can’t believe you’re out here. Are you kidding me?! Qiao Chusheng, do you think this is a joke? You should be in the hospital-“

“But you’re here,” comes the voice Lu Yao has been dreaming about the past few nights, interrupting him, and he stops. “You’re here, San Tu. Where else would I be?”

A lump forms in his throat.

“You shouldn’t,” Lu Yao shakes his head, all his earlier fury gone, leaving a defeated man in its wake. “You shouldn’t be here. Qiao Chusheng, you should be anywhere but here.”

===

Chusheng gets to his feet gingerly, and it takes him only two steps to reach Lu Yao. His eyes rove over Lu Yao, noting the too-small clothes on him. Irritation gnaws at him, seeing Lu Yao in another man’s clothes, but he pushes that away to note the unkempt hair, the oil stains on Lu Yao’s shirt, the eyebags, and it’s only been a little over a week, but the man looks even skinnier than before.

“I woke up the next day,” he says. “I woke up and you weren’t there. Youning was biting at her nails in worry, because she didn’t know where you went. We didn’t know if you were kidnapped again, or worse. You didn’t take anything with you. It took us a few days to realize that you weren’t kidnapped but left willingly.”

He smiles a little, “I thought you would be at Qian Rui’s. Imagine my surprise when I found you at Liu Mo’s.”

“… if you knew where I was, why didn’t you just come in and see me?” asks Lu Yao, his voice low.

“I figured you left for a reason and I was just waiting for you,” Chusheng exhales hard, nodding. Then he huffs once, chuckling, “Well, I was going to wait only for another day, to be honest. If you weren’t going to do anything by tomorrow dinner I told Youning to get Liu Zi and Ah Dou and drag you home at night.”

When Lu Yao doesn’t respond to that and still refuses to look at him, Chusheng sighs.

“San Tu, you must’ve been scared. I’m sorry, but you’ll always be safe with me. You know that, right? As long as I’m breathing, you will never have to worry. Even if I have to protect you with my own life-“

“I don’t want you to do that!” Lu Yao breathes, incredulous.

“Qiao Chusheng, I don’t want you do that, don’t you get it? Did you hit your head somehow too? I don’t want it! I don’t want you to protect me with your life. I want you to be alive and well, and if that means I have to go, then so be it. You don’t understand, you’re a fucking idiot! What am I supposed to do- what the hell am I supposed to do if you’re gone, do you understand?! Qiao Chusheng, do you understand?”

When he’s done yelling, Chusheng can only stare at Lu Yao, his mouth parted a little, as if saying ‘oh’. Lu Yao rubs at his face with a hand, pressing fingers at his temples.

It dawns on him then, what Lu Yao is doing.

He’s not happy one bit that Lu Yao is obviously so distressed, but Chusheng would be lying if he said he wasn’t the least bit moved and relieved that Lu Yao is doing this, disappearing on him, yelling at him-

-because he loves him.

Chusheng hears it loud and clear.

“You don’t ever have to think about that,” he says, drawing Lu Yao into his arms, pressing the man’s head into his own shoulder and hugging him tight. “San Tu, it’s impossible for that to happen.”

Hands come up to clutch at the front of his jacket, before a small voice replies, “You don’t know that. So many times. So many times, Lao Qiao. I keep thinking, I can’t sleep, when I think about it, every single time you jump in front of me.”

“I’m going to be wherever you are,” Chusheng swears. “I’m not leaving you behind, no matter where I go. So if this is where you are, it’s where I’ll be.”

They’re just words, and he knows he can’t guarantee it for sure, but Chusheng doesn’t plan on going back on his promise.

“… really?”

“I promise. Now… can we go home? The shirt is a little too short on you, and I think you’ve imposed on Liu Mo enough,” Chusheng sighs, raising an eyebrow at the professor standing at the door to their house, obviously eavesdropping.

At the sound of that, Liu Mo nods fervently, putting his hands together and shaking them at Chusheng, as if begging him to take Lu Yao away.

Chusheng does just that.

===

“You should have told me what you were worrying about.”

The weight of the covers over them a comfort, Lu Yao looks up, peering at Chusheng. They’re sleeping in the same bed for the very first time, but it’s so soft and warm that Lu Yao thinks he is finally, finally able to sleep. Chusheng looks more relaxed too, especially after a home-cooked supper and taking all his pain medication for his still-healing back.

Youning will probably turn up early tomorrow to yell at them both, and unfortunately, this time the both of them deserve it.

“Hmm?”

It’s entirely dark, but Lu Yao can still see Chusheng’s eyes like this, the both of them lying on the same pillow, their noses almost touching.

A hand slips into his between them, and then Lu Yao feels it.

Chusheng’s strong, steady heartbeat through their intertwined hands.

“You can check the next time,” Chusheng smiles. “Whenever you can’t sleep and are worrying about me, all you have to do is reach out for my hand. Just like this.”

“You’re embarrassing,” Lu Yao rolls his eyes, but even in the dark, Chusheng can probably still see the pink on his cheeks.

Chusheng is right, though. The steady beat is just like a lullaby, lulling him to sleep. Lu Yao squeezes Chusheng’s hand tighter and sighs.

Right before he falls asleep, Lu Yao makes the same promise.

I’ll be wherever you are too, no matter where that is.

Notes:

*Chusheng is referred to as Qiao Si (乔四) or Qiao Si-ye (乔四爷) or Si-ge (四哥) or Lao Qiao (老乔)

*Qian Rui is Lu Yao's friend, who turns up at the couple's restaurant where Chusheng gifts Lu Yao the watch

*Liu Mo is Lu Yao's arch nemesis that kind of hates him but they used to be friends so you know, it's a love-hate relationship

*Liu Zi is number 6 in the family, Xiao Qi is number 7, and Lao Er is number 2, with San Shu being number 3 in the Bai hierarchy

*I just kind of made up a character for the other gang's leader XD

#my roommate is a detective #mriad #mriad prompt #民国奇探 #chuyao #qiao chusheng #lu yao #hahahaha my god #this prompt ran away from me #again #oops #i'm returning to pure fluff after this #i'm a fluff person #i really am #fluff and a lot of literal sleeping together in bed - kind of person

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