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tomorrowsdrama · 4 years

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Hyena Ep. 16

I’m baaack! Kind of. I think I hit that point in my quarantine life where I kind of lost my mind so I went on an unexpected hiatus that lasted longer than intended. I know it’s been over a month after the finale of Hyena but here are my ramblings. This post is super long so I’ll save my thoughts on the series as a whole for another post.

Objectively, it was a pretty good finale that was entertaining and wrapped up the important plot lines. We even got some sweet otp moments (more on that later) and satisfying smackdown of the bad guy. But subjectively? Personally? Purely based on my selfish expectations? I wanted more romance! More sexiness! I wasn’t expecting a wedding or anything like that but, not even one kiss? Or a long embrace? Why????

I mean, how can you give me all this sexy chemistry in the promos:

And then not make use of it in the finale? That’s just not fair I say! I feel bamboozled!

Ep. 16

Anyway, let’s talk about the parts I enjoyed of the finale. This is mainly (99%) going to be about the moments between Geum Ja and Hee Jae. So on the morning of episode 16, way back when, I woke up so excited for the finale. Since this was the last episode, surely there will be a kiss! And surely it would be epic given the chemistry between JJH and KHS. I mean did you see that kiss in episode 8? So when we started off the episode with the scene of Hee Jae telling Geum Ja he didn’t want to see her hurt anymore, I was amped. Yes, we’re starting off strong with the romantic scenes I thought.

How can you not fall for him?

Geum Ja, you are not a gangster, you do not need to show your story through the scars on your body. Joking aside, it’s sad that she’s been through so much in life that she has the scars to prove it.

I love that Hee Jae says this half-sarcastically but you can tell that he truly does not want Geum Ja to go through any more pain/suffering. And it’s his sincerity that makes Geum Ja smile so softly. And this is where they kiss right?

Nope, he gets a hearty bro punch in the shoulder.

Cut for lots of caps and ramblings. It’s a bit of a mini novel, you’ve been warned!

Mmm I loved how many scenes of concerned Hee Jae we got in this episode.

Geum Ja screams from a nightmare and Hee Jae immediately runs into the office to check on her. The only way he could have reacted so quickly is if he was sitting outside the office guarding Geum Ja which...AHHH I think I’ve just died and gone to hurt/comfort heaven. Just look at JJH’s face.

EEE! I audibly squealed when Geum Ja said this. Ok, now I’ve truly died. Geum Ja? Asking to be comforted? By Hee Jae? What? This is major. She’s finally letting down her walls a little bit around Hee Jae and allowing herself to be vulnerable. Keep on leaning I say! Lean all the way into bed.

Omg and then she showed concern over Hee Jae’s own emotional state despite her own trauma. His dad totally betrayed him just a few hours ago so Hee Jae’s having a pretty shitty day too. But of course, Hee Jae is only concerned about Geum Ja. Ahh, how many times is he going to make me swoon in this episode?

Feet piled on top of each other?! Are they finally in bed together?

Of course not. Unfortunately, this isn’t that type of drama. SIGH. But this is still very sweet and squeal-inducing.

Have I talked about how much I love JJH’s little sly smirks?

I love that these two fools can’t stop worrying about the other. Geum Ja knows better than anyone how deep emotional scars caused by a parent can be. On top of that, Hee Jae’s father was someone he respected and loved, so the blow is even bigger. I just really like it when my otp show how much they care about each other, ok?

Look at that smile on Hee Jae’s face. It’s like there’s no other place he would rather be than next to Geum Ja.

No, please don’t. Y’all are not 12. Please get at least a queen size bed with plenty of room for two adults to move around in and do...adult things lol.

And then. AND THEN! Geum Ja takes the initiative and turns over towards Hee Jae. She’s finally the one taking the first step towards him without any prodding. And Hee Jae smiles to himself and follows her lead to turn over also. And then the two fools smile lovingly at each other as they fall asleep. Omg, excuse me, I need a moment. I’ve temporarily passed on to the other side from sheer otp happiness.

This moment was just too good. I literally raised both my arms up into the air and cheered when I first watched this episode. I thought, wow the writers are feeding us so well. They’re showering us with so many romantic scenes. The otp caring for each other? Being tender with each other? Sharing a “bed?” I don’t want to ever get off this love train, keep it coming! This is only the first third of the episode so surely it can only go up from here.

And then it ended on a comedic note. I guess I should have seen that coming. This is SBS, not TVN (or JTBC from the looks of The World of the Married). Hah, well I suppose they both had a pretty tiring day so it’s understandable that they would not have much energy to do anything else.

It’s the little everyday things like asking if she’s ok that get me.

(JJH I thirst for you.)

Suuuuure you are.

Lol, he wouldn’t be Hee Jae if he didn’t pull something childish/petty. At least Geum Ja is amused by it and finds it cute now. Get you a man who can be both your emotional support and amusing bratty boyfriend.

Geum Ja does end up meeting Hee Jae for dinner and he can’t help but smile a little. Gosh, it takes so little from Geum Ja to make him happy.

(damn, look at that profile!)

So some time during this episode, Geum Ja’s adoptive father died off-screen from the stab wound he sustained while stopping her assailant. At first, I went “Huh, that’s it?” But then the more I thought about it, the more I liked how matter-of-factly it was treated. It’s certainly consistent with how Geum Ja deals with things. Also, she faced her demons/him in a previous episode so you could say that she already resolved that chapter of her life.

Still, you could tell that she’s not completely unaffected by it. KHS’s acting in this scene is so good. You can tell there’s more to it than what she’s saying just by the little subtle changes in her expression. I can only imagine the many complicated feelings she must be experiencing.

On the one hand, he’s the worst part of her past life and surely deserved to die. But on the other hand, unintentional or not, he died saving her. Geum Ja does not state this with any affection or sentimentality in her voice. It is merely something that happened. Thank goodness the writers did not try to redeem him in the last minute. One good deed does not make up for all the violence and abuse inflicted on her and her mother.

Anyway, all that muddled history and emotions would make anybody conflicted. They really handled it the best way they could - simply state what happened and move on. No hate, no praise, no sadness. He was a terrible man who paid the ultimate price and died. I like that Hee Jae understands not to push the matter any further and changes the subject.

Bro, you’re delusional if you think you still have a chance with her.

And then we get to the ubiquitous Big Shareholder Meeting that we see so often in dramas. I love how Geum Ja is so ballsy in everything she does and she does it all in her comfy tracksuits. Of course the Big Shareholder Meeting does not go as planned and Song Pil Jung gets arrested.

God I love the look on Geum Ja’s face. It screams “is this guy still talking to me?”

Can I just say, I love how utterly brutal Geum Ja is in her rejection of Kevin Jung. Woof, ouch. If I ever heard that from someone I liked, I would be so devastated and embarrassed, I’d find a dark hole to bury myself in and lick my wounds. But of course, Kevin, like all the other men who fall for Geum Ja, seems to be into it. It takes a certain type of man to go for Geum Ja and apparently that type is a total masochist who likes getting rejected and their heart ripped out. I mean, to each their own.

I like whenever they do their power couple strut.

A bro fist bump? Really? Hm, I never really fist bumped the guys I dated but that’s cool I guess. They’re going in to destroy Song Pil Jung so I guess a fist bump is appropriate.

Hm, I don’t know. It seems like you’re the one who got arrested.

Bro. Mister. Are you for real? Did you forget all the shitty things you did to her?

Yeah, that’s kind of a big deal I think.

SO. SATISFYING. Whew honey, this exchange gave me life. My skin has cleared, my bank account is full, and I’ve lost 5 pounds.

Yessss I am all for this nerdy JJH in glasses and turtleneck sipping on expensive instant coffee aesthetic.

The couple that taunts together, stays together?

Hahahahaha, Hee Jae talking about being professional at work? Hahahahha.

I live for jealous Hee Jae because he’s extra ridiculous whenever he’s jealous. In this scene he’s getting jealous over Ju-Ho calling Geuma Ja “noona” and it’s like come on, they’re foster siblings. Let him call her noona. Side note, Netflix translates “noona” into Eun-Young, Geum Ja’s real name, and it irks me. Couldn’t they have just translated it into “sis” instead?

Now we’re around the 55 minute mark and I’m thinking, okay this is probably where it’s going to end. This is when it’s going to happen. They don’t have that much time left in the episode. All right, give me us all that we’ve been waiting for.

(Good looking main stays looking good.)

You can’t ever accuse Hee Jae of not being committed to Geum Ja.

We finally get an explanation for why Geum Ja always stared at that huge building

Haha, can you expect anything less from her character? At this point, I’m looking at the remaining time and thinking, ok then, when’s that kiss gonna happen?

SHRIEKS WHAT ARE THOSE HIDEOUS THINGS ON HIS FEET?! On another note, I’m sure Kim Hye Soo must be so glad she doesn’t have to wear those gigantic heels anymore.

Omg, ok, this is it. We’re getting shots of beautiful sexy people strutting and being playful with each other. They’re setting up for a romantic ending kiss. Ok, time to prepare myself.

Yes, put your arms around each other. We’re getting closer now.

Oh, ok. I guess this will be a far away in the distance kind of kiss. That’s ok, too I guess.

Oh, wait. Never mind. Looks like we’re going to get a frontal view of the ending kiss after all. Even better!

What? That’s it? What? Did I miss something? This can’t be.

Oh whew. An epilogue. Ok, this is when it’s going to happen.

Hahaha, they’re totally using the vloggers to advertise for their law firm. I love how Hee Jae has loosened up on what he thinks a proper lawyer should act like and it’s reflected in his more flamboyant wardrobe choices.

These damn fist bumps again. All the time spent fist bumping could have been spent hugging and kissing. Priorities, people!

Hah, like hell Hee Jae would ever leave Geum Ja.

Haha knew it. Boy is more whipped than whipped cream.

This pretty much sums up their dynamic. SIGH I’m not going to get my kiss am I.

Oh no. That caption can only mean one thing.

Yeeep. That’s it. This is the end. Finito.

Well. All right then. You know, the first time I watched this episode, I felt very disappointed that there was no final kiss. I mean the last time we saw them kissing was in episode 8 at the midpoint of the drama. This drama was clearly a rom com/screwball comedy so it only seemed fitting that there would be one last kiss scene. That’s how you end a romantic drama! But alas.

Actually, upon re-watching and re-capping this episode, I realized that even though we did not get any kiss scene, the writers still gave us plenty of sweet moments between Hee Jae and Geum Ja. We got to see their lovely progression into becoming partners who supported and trusted each other so that was nice. Even though they’re clearly together now, it’s nice to see that they still have their playful bickering dynamic. So objectively, it was a nice ending. I just personally wanted more smooches.

If you made it through this entire post, thank you for expending so much time reading my ramblings and congratultaions on having so much patience!

#sbs hyena #hyena #ju ji hoon #kim hye soo #joo ji hoon #kdrama

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harryandmolly · 5 years

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Complicit // 1

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW, me writing Niall’s accent

WC: 6.7k

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“So… are we talking like, full on whips and chains and nipple clamps and shit?”

Shawn’s eyebrows are lost somewhere in his hairline, but at least it’s more life in his eyes than Niall’s seen in a while. Niall tries not to go pink at Shawn’s assumption, but he’s still not that good at talking about all this.

“No, no, mate. I mean, some of ‘em do that. I think, I mean, based on what you pay for it, they’ll do whatever you want.”

Both guys go quiet and squirm a little uncomfortably. They’re sitting in Shawn’s living room in his $3 million bachelor pad, furnished very tastefully and expensively, talking about hiring sex workers. It doesn’t look or feel great.

Niall sighs. “It’s not like Pretty Woman. These girls don’t even charge by the hour. They’re escorts, not hookers. They’re educated and articulate and the kind o’ woman you could have on your arm at any industry schmoozing event and no one would bat an eye. That’s the whole point.”

Shawn nods thoughtfully. He’s heard of agencies like this, obviously. He’s been around the industry long enough to know guys like him, and producers and managers and agents and other high-powered men, aren’t driving down Hollywood Boulevard looking for $200 an hour streetwalkers. But that doesn’t mean Shawn’s ever remotely considered utilizing a service like this.

“But… they’re dominatrixes?”

Niall tips his head back and forth, squinting as he looks for the words. “They’re dommes. ‘S a bit different. La Splendeur is the name o’ the agency. They hire women that boss you around a bit, in some form or an udder. I mean, have you ever tried that?”

Shawn flushes a little and scrolls through his relatively short sexual history. “... sort of? Like, she’s on top?”

Niall sighs and closes his eyes with a wise smile. He has much to learn.

“‘S just a suggestion. La Splendeur is the best of the best. Super discreet. Beautiful. Interesting girls. And it’s better stress relief than I’ve found anywhere else.”

“Including golf?” Shawn quips.

Niall barks a laugh. “Including golf. I’ll leave you the number and you can decide. I really like Karina, but it might be weird knowin’ we’ve both had our hands in that cookie jar. Up to you, mate. Totally up to you.”

Shawn has never been so anxious about a phone call in his life. He goes through his phone and turns off location services first, suddenly paranoid that they could somehow track his device and be able to broadcast this for the whole internet. Plus, he’s busy with pre-festival run promo, so he’s forced to make the call in the middle of the day.

He goes to great lengths not to be heard, very publicly excusing himself to the bathroom and then running off to a quiet conference room down a hallway that was deserted. He shuts himself inside, stands in the corner by the window and dials, hands shaking.

The voice on the phone is smooth and easy, probably used to dealing with nervous wrecks like him all the time. She explains how it works -- the rates, the wire transfer, the security, the booking. Selecting his date comes down to an emailed photo portfolio, password encrypted and accompanied by a very stern warning not to share it with anyone, even potential referrals. Shawn supposes that makes sense -- they don’t want these photos getting passed around without the safety net of knowing that in return, the agency has the client’s private email address.

He’s twitchy all day before he can get home to his laptop, kick off his Saint Laurent chelsea boots, and pick his date.

‘Date’ is how he’s trying to think about it. Niall encouraged that, too. Shawn texted to let him know that he’d made the call (less than 24 hours after Niall had made the suggestion). Niall was over the moon, reminding him that it’s supposed to be fun and he shouldn’t feel weird about calling. It’s like a guaranteed great first date, just… a really expensive one.

Shawn opens the email to a PDF of professional and truly stunning photos. Each girl has a short bio and a series of shots that really don’t feel at all like advertisement for sex. He takes note of Karina, Niall’s favorite, a short and curvy Filipino girl who apparently excels at tennis, loves to sail and has an MBA. Her photos are gorgeous -- her on a beach wearing a tasteful cover-up and a flower in her hair with just enough cleavage to catch a guy’s attention, standing beside a tall window in a snug dress and heels, and grinning on a tennis court, a cute candid.

In total, there are about 25 women on La Splendeur’s roster of sorts, more than Shawn expected. They’re incredibly diverse in terms of race, shape and size, all accomplished and learned and surprisingly non-threatening, given the niche service they provide. Only one had him scrolling back up to look at her again and again.

Penny, 26, has a master’s degree in criminal psychology, is fluent in four languages, is an excellent skier and has a German shepherd named Pamela. Her photos show her lying barefoot in a cocktail dress on a lounge chair with a look in her eyes that says she already knows everything about you, looking over her shoulder to laugh at the camera during golden hour from above the Hollywood sign, and his personal favorite, a black and white close up headshot. She doesn’t look to be wearing a stitch of makeup. Her hair is wet and slung over and around her face like it’s in the wind. Her lips are parted, her eyes are dark, and Shawn has to meet her immediately.

Penny. Penny. Penny.

God, he can’t fucking wait. He’s so keyed up he actually grins at the change he gets from a barista at Commissary because she gives him back two cents.

His instructions are clear and concise. He is to get himself to the Chateau Marmont and head into the bar, where he will give his name. Someone will escort him up to his suite for the evening, where he will be greeted by security, who will confirm the receipt of the wire transfer and wait until his date arrives. Check out time is 11:30am the next morning.

The big guy who lets him into the room seems friendly enough, but Shawn is sure his every move is being watched by a hawk. Even with rich and famous clientele, agencies can’t afford to take risks with their employees. At least he doesn’t feel like a nervous kid being scrutinized by his prom date’s dad while he waits. In fact, the guy, Gus, he says, sees him shaking like a leaf and murmurs that the mini bar is fully stocked. He excuses himself to wait outside.

Shawn pours himself a glass of bourbon on the rocks and looks around. He’s never been in a room at the Chateau. It’s a bit odd -- almost too comfortable to be a hotel. There’s a full kitchen and vintage furniture that looks like it belongs in a warm, comfortable apartment rather than the stoic uniformity of a hotel.

He’s rattling ice in his glass anxiously and staring out at the lights of West Hollywood when the door opens. He’s just distracted enough not to stand immediately when she walks in, and he realizes a little late that it’s rude, so he scrambles to be upright and almost drops his fucking crystal glass.

She’s smiling warmly at him like they’re old family friends. It’s not clinical or superficial or forced. It’s a real smile, and it’s so beautiful. She’s so beautiful.

I mean, wow.

She’s medium height, 5’7” probably, but taller in her spiky heels. Her hair is lighter than he saw in the pictures, probably from the summer sun. Her olive skin is gorgeously bronzed. Her brown eyes are darker than his, like espresso. Her eyes are wide set and framed by well tamed thick brows. Her lips are full and European. Italian, he’d guess.

So why is her name Penny?

Shawn almost rolls his eyes at himself. He doesn’t know why that’s sticking in his head now, of all moments. Gus gives her a nod and shuts the door. As she approaches, graceful and quiet even in her heels, Shawn blinks, staring at the door.

“Is… uh, does he stand outside the whole time?”

Penny smiles again and cocks her head, shaking it. “No, no. He’s my driver, not my guard dog.”

Shawn gives a weak chuckle and it sounds pathetic to his own ears. At the mention of dogs, his mind springs to Pamela the German shepherd. He wonders if she’s real or a line in a bio to make Penny sound quirky and likeable. He watches her lift her sheath of thick hair over one shoulder and reach for the glass of bourbon in his hand to take a sip. He decides he doesn’t care.

“Please, have a seat,” she suggests, gesturing to the sofa. He blinks too much and plunks himself down, clearing his throat.

She lowers herself beside him, facing him with her arm stretched along the back of the couch toward him. She folds her ankles and for a second Shawn thinks about the scene in The Princess Diaries when Mia falls out of her chair trying to pull the same move. Penny emulates Queen Clarisse instead. Shawn tenses against his own will. He can feel himself shutting down.

Penny takes another sip of his drink and eyes him carefully from over the glass. She’s been doing this long enough to know when a guy is locking up in front of her eyes.

It’s like Operation. You have to move slow and careful, or you get zapped. He could be the kind of guy that would respond well to her dropping her hand to his knee while they talk, or it could send him springing across the room. Penny follows her instincts and instead flicks her heels until her multi-thousand dollar shoes clunk onto the hardwood below her. She curls up her feet beside her and tilts her head to rest against her fist.

“How long are you in LA for?”

It’s one of her favorite safe questions. It offers potential to discuss work if he wants to go there, but is vague enough to offer him an out if he wants it.

“Uh, for another couple weeks. I’ve got some meetings and events and stuff and then I think I’m bouncing around. New York, maybe. I don’t know my schedule as well as I probably should.”

Well, at least he’s talking. She hands him back his glass with a wink.

“Schedule schmedule.”

Shawn smiles. It’s tentative still, but sweet. She made the right move by taking off a layer of the untouchable glamour.

It’s her move again. She considers the board, eyes her options, keeps her fingers delicate on the tweezers.

“I listened to your music this week.”

It’s a risky shot, like going for the funny bone. She already knows, can tell by the way he carries himself, that he’s here to work something out of his system. This appointment isn’t about satisfying a rakish curiosity or an ego thing, or worse, a sex addiction. He needs something from her -- comfort, release. If it’s his music that’s driving him to need her, mentioning it off the bat like this could do some damage to the trust she’s working to build. She holds her breath.

He lights up.

“Oh, cool. All of it?”

She wiggles her naturally shaped eyebrows. “Right down to “Something Big.””

Shawn winces playfully and laughs. It sounds real this time. “Yikes.”

“No, it was cute,” she insists, her fingers stretching out along the back of the couch to nudge at his very solid arm. He goes a little pink.

“Do you have a favorite?”

Shawn doesn’t mean to put her on the spot. For all he knows, she just googled his albums to have something to say. But he asks anyway, despite himself, because he’d like to know which, if any, of his songs caught the attention of a woman like her.

“I like “Particular Taste.” It came on in my car the other day while I was on Mulholland. It’s a damn good car song.”

Shawn feels himself get a little smug. “Thanks. I like that one, too.”

They’re watching each other quietly, feeling the tension build. Penny wets her lips and leans in, getting ready to speak again.

“So how long have you been doing this?” Shawn blurts. His eyes go a little comically wide before he course corrects and inspects his nearly empty glass.

Penny is startled, but tucks some hair behind her ear and regroups. “Almost five years.”

“Wow. That’s… wow.”

Penny shares a wise sort of smile that reminds Shawn uncomfortably of Emily. “It’s nice work if you can get it.”

“Right,” Shawn croaks, glancing away.

Penny feels the gentle sting of having nicked the board just a bit with her tweezers. She reaches out the arm against the couch and lets her fingertips skim his lush curls. His chest shudders and his eyes dart toward the window. He raises his shaky hand with the empty glass to his lips for something to do.

Penny drops her other hand to his knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Hey,” she murmurs, all honey, “Would you like me to refill that?”

Shawn looks down at his drink and shakes his head. “N-no, that’s ok.”

Penny swipes her tongue over the front of her teeth and decides to toss her playbook aside the way she does on rare occasions.

She scoots in, cups his cheek in her hand and focuses his eyes on hers. His jaw twitches under her fingers.

“What do you want, Shawn?”

He blinks quickly, startled that she said something, confronted him with the actual situation they’re dealing with.

“I’m… I don’t know. Can… can we just talk for a while?”

She eases back a little, drops her hands in her lap. “Of course. About anything in particular?”

Shawn bites the inside of his cheek, then says, “How did you get into… escorting?”

He emphasizes the last word as a question, unsure if he’s using the right terminology. She nods reassuringly.

“Well, around the time I was graduating from college, I met a girl at a party who recruited me, for lack of a better term. She told me about the money, the tips, the security, the gifts. Sounded pretty good to a 20-year-old without a post-grad plan.”

Shawn’s eyebrows lift. “You graduated college at 20?”

She shrugs. “I skipped the 4th grade and AP tested out of most of my freshman year.”

He’s impressed. And intimidated. He fights the instinct to curl him up into himself. He doesn’t want to feel small beside her. He wants to feel impressive, too.

“That’s pretty cool. Do you do this full time?”

Penny laughs. It’s light and airy and maybe just a little… restrained somehow.

“Yes. You’re very curious about my line of work.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be-- I mean, I just… Sorry--”

She stops him from stumbling all over himself by planting a hand around his wrist.

“It’s ok. I’m just not used to being asked. Most people… they don’t want to be reminded that they’re paying for it.”

As soon as she says it, she hears the mistake in her words. Fucking amateur bullshit, she scolds herself, watching him cave in. His eyes drop to his feet and his chest rises and falls a little harder.

“Hey,” she prompts gently, keeping her hands off this time for fear of sending him flying, “Don’t shut down on me.”

He looks back at her blankly. “Don’t…?”

She presses her tongue out to smooth along her lower lip. “I’m here to help make you feel good, Shawn. I’m excellent at knowing how best to do that, but I think I’m gonna need an assist from you this time. So just… don’t think, don’t act, don’t react, just feel it. And tell me what you want.”

“I want to cuddle.”

He says it so suddenly he surprises himself. Without missing a beat, Penny nods, formulating a new gameplan in her head. She bites her lip and reaches for his twitchy hand in his lap.

“Ok. I can do that. I just want to get comfy first, ok?”

Before he can wonder out loud what she’s going to change into and how she got clothes in here without him seeing, she leans in and presses her lips to his delicately. His frazzled brain lights up like the 4th of July, sending thoughts flying like out of control fireworks. He kisses back after a second or two, firm but chaste. He murmurs subtly into her mouth.

Small victories.

When Penny walks out of the bathroom five minutes later, her makeup is wiped clean, leaving her face a little shiny and flushed. She’s in touchably soft clingy leggings and a Lululemon hoodie, looking like an athleisure ad. She’s still barefoot, her white painted toes winking up at him before she drops onto the bed and waves him over. He makes to climb up next to her and she hisses, gesturing to him with a wave of her hand.

“I took off my armor, Mendes, you need to do the same.”

Shawn swallows and smiles shyly. He kicks off his shoes, balls up his socks and drops his jeans into a heap by the bed. In his taut navy t-shirt and custom printed Calvin Klein boxer briefs, he settles in beside her, mirroring her position on his side.

“Ok, cards on the table, I think. Bad breakup? Tour anxiety? Voice struggles?”

Shawn’s chest rises and falls heavily with a deep, unrestrained sigh. There’s no reason to hide from her. She doesn’t know him. She doesn’t have expectations. She’s a safe space.

He stares down at the curve of her hip as he speaks. He tells the story from what he thinks is the beginning -- Emily’s first mention of the idea of the PR relationship with Bex. He explains the strategy and the trajectory, that they expect to be in and out of the public eye throughout the summer festival run and will not-so-quietly break up just around the time his album releases in the fall and Bex heads out on tour for her brand new EP.

Penny nods along while he speaks, pursing her lips and shifting slightly closer to him. She’s not working consciously, not timing the seconds between movements like she sometimes does, like she did even just on the couch a few minutes ago. But as he talks, she feels the tension start to drip off him and release to the point where she has no hesitation in slipping her fingers into the tight, short curls at the back of his neck while she runs her toes up and down the back of his calf.

He seems comforted by being able to touch her, too. He rests a hand in the dip of her waist and it wanders slightly up her ribcage and upper arm, twisting his long pale fingers in her hair. He watches it curl and bend for him. He can’t remember the last time he played with a woman’s hair like this.

When his cursory explanation ends, he closes his eyes and rests his head on his folded arm. Penny’s fingers tug gently at the nape of his neck for his attention.

“Sounds like a lot.”

Shawn’s chest stutters. His eyes well. He turns his face into the pillow, embarrassed by the hair trigger of his emotional reaction.

“S-sorry, I just… fuck. I don’t know why I’m--”

He cuts himself off with a final unintended whimper of defeat, a nice bookend on a chunk of shame he can hang onto and revisit in his head when he needs it the least.

His eyes are snapped shut. The tears on his lashes start to wick into the expensive fabric of the pillowcase beneath his head. He’s waiting for her -- he doesn’t know what for. He’s waiting for her to leave him there to cry it out, get back in her expensive shoes and clack away from his misery. He’s waiting for her to shove a hand down his boxers and give him what she thinks he paid for. He’s waiting for her to hate him like he hates himself right now.

Slowly, timidly, he opens his eyes. She’s there, blinking at him, face as placid and reassuring as he’s seen since she got here. She doesn’t look ready to run. She doesn’t look at him like the pitiful creature he’s acting like. She slides her long fingers up further to cradle the back of his head and make his wet eyes flutter.

“Would you like to hear what I think?”

Shawn pauses, then nods.

Penny wets her lips. “I think maybe you’re not very good at compartmentalizing yet.”

Shawn frowns slightly and starts turning circles on her lower back with the pad of his thumb, nodding at her to continue.

“This relationship stunt doesn’t define you as a man or as an artist. It’s publicity, the same way appearing on GMA is publicity. It’s not as honest, maybe. I can see that’s part of what bothers you. I can understand that. But this is a means to an end. You’re not using Bex; she’s aware of what she’s involved in. She benefits, too.

“So instead of letting this become something that bothers you in quiet moments, makes you question what this makes you look like or even who this means you’re becoming, you need to accept that this is a part of your job and it’s not who you are.”

Shawn blinks dumbly. He’s been trying to convince himself of this for a while, but he’s never come close to sounding as soothing and confident as she does right now. This woman listened to him yammer for seven minutes about his stupid pop star problems without rolling her eyes or waving off his concerns.

Thank god he’s paying her to be here or he swears he’d already be half in love with her.

Shawn closes his eyes and nuzzles his cheek against the pillow. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes you may.”

He opens his eyes and watches her, settled by the distinct sensation that she’s allowing him to proceed as he’s comfortable. At the same time, he’s deliciously unnerved by something lurking behind her eyes, like she’s deciding how long to give him before she takes over. He hopes it won’t be long.

Shawn cups a large palm around her cheek, marveling at the silkiness of her hair in his fingers as he leans in, brushing his lips over hers. He hears himself murmur gently at the slick warmth of her lip balm. It tastes like rose water and coconut.

He eases back after a moment, his head spinning.

“Jesus Christ, that’s incredible.”

Her long, dark lashes lift and lower lazily, casting shadows on her cheeks in the lamplight. “Kissing me?”

He shakes his head, marveling with a gentle groan, “Yes. Why does kissing you feel like the best thing that’s happened to me in months?”

“It’s simple. It’s stable. It’s honest.”

She says it like she didn’t have to think about it. She’s unwavering and direct and he knows she’s probably really good at all this because of who she is and what she does but he doesn’t think he cares right now if it’s not genuine. It feels too fucking good.

He smirks. “Do you have an answer for everything?”

Her full lips spread in a lazy grin. “Yes.”

“Thank god,” Shawn mutters just before pressing his lips back to hers.

Shawn has no idea what to expect. It’s been what’s had him on a knife’s edge since he booked this appointment. His curiosity has been his friend while zoning out in meetings, standing in security lines at airports, stripped down to his boxers in front of a team of people while trying on show clothes. An experience like this to look forward to was an intense enough distraction from his anxiety.

And now, lying in a bed next to her with her perfect tongue tangled with his and her soft hands roaming his body hungrily, but with purpose, his mind races -- what will this be like? What will this feel like? Is it really as good as Niall says?

She pulls back suddenly, her lips leaving his with a wet smack. His hips rut against her stomach in response.

“Time for you to stop thinking,” she rasps. Shawn squirms at the fucked-out quality of her voice. Is it at all possible that he’s got her as worked up as she has him? He’s already throbbing for her in his briefs, which he knows she can feel against her thigh.

He brushes his nose against hers a little desperately, silently begging for more. Even with his eyes closed, he can tell she’s smiling when she cups his cheek and rolls their bodies so she’s lying slotted up against him in every way that makes him crazy.

“You like kissing, huh?” she breathes. It’s not teasing, not really. It’s curious and gentle. He can feel the way she takes note of the things that have him panting a little harder, pressing into her more insistently. It makes him feel important and a little bashful. He nods anyway, lifting the corner of his mouth.

“You’re a good kisser, Shawn,” she sighs into his mouth, dropping her weight into her hips and sliding her hands up his chest to rest over his pecs.

If her tongue wasn’t teasing his lower lip, he’d be grinning like an asshole.

His hands are growing frantic. They can’t decide where they like better -- her supernaturally soft hair, coursing up and down her spine, or resting on the toned swell of her ass. So they wander, getting grabbier as they go, until she pulls away again with a long lick of her wet lips.

“What are you going to do to me?”

He hears himself ask it over the rushing of blood in his ears. He can tell by the way she smiles down at him that he looks horrified at his own question. She pushes some curls off his forehead and looks him over, slowly, carefully, admiringly. Shawn is on fire beneath her, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

As if in slow motion, she tucks a hand under his neck. The motion fixes his manic, desperate eyes on hers. His breathing slows. His heart drops into his gut. His jaw tightens.

“Anything I want.”

Her voice is hot and sharp. Shawn’s face screws up like his body is physically overwhelmed by the idea of all the pleasure she can offer him. His eyes snap shut and the groan he releases is inhumanly loud.

When he can force himself to look back up at her, Penny has straddled his hips and works on lifting her hoodie up and over a black bra that he’s sure only a woman like Penny could wear… like that.

Her breasts are full and soft, as evenly tanned as the rest of her, from what he can see, which is not enough. He gets a flash of a vision of her lying on the chaise on the balcony outside their Chateau suite without a stitch on her, sipping a mimosa and smiling when she catches him admiring her. He grunts and reaches for her, needing to take and touch and taste.

His hands are pinned beside his head before he gets far. He gasps. His eyes blur with her quick movement until they can refocus and realize she’s holding him down, her breasts a breath away from his mouth.

“Fuck,” he grunts.

“Listen to me.”

It’s clear and stable and calm like a beacon in a storm. Shawn juts his chin up defiantly, licking his lips.

“You don’t touch me until I tell you to. If you do, you don’t touch me at all, not for the rest of the night. Do you understand?”

Shawn’s fingers curl into fists beside his head. His body aches, straining for the control she’s sapping from him. He’s not used to willingly giving it up, not anywhere, not for anyone.

“Take a deep breath,” she advises, feeling him struggle with the release of it, of the reins he’s held for so long his hands are fucking raw. His whole body feels raw looking up at her.

He does as he’s told. Her eyes are nearly black in the low light. He feels his shoulders soften and the squeezing of his heart start to slow, just a bit.

“You’re gonna have to walk me through this,” he grunts, shaking his head, “I-- I’m… for so…”

“I know,” she soothes, not to placate him, not to baby him. She wants him to know she understands. He feels it in the way she looks at him, the way she massages her fingers around his wrists.

He’s ok. He’s safe. He’s safe with her. It hits him all at once like a brick over the head. He swallows.

“I’m here to take care of you. I want to make you feel as good as I possibly can.”

He nods again.

She moves slowly, gracefully, like a lithe and dangerous predator. She pushes her leggings down her hips, sliding them off her feet until they’re forgotten in a pool at the end of the bed. His shirt and boxers join them, leaving his cock aching and leaking from the tip on his lower belly. He lies beside her, as instructed, with his arms over his head, grasping a pillow in his needy fingers.

She just… touches him.

He thought at first she was just going for a slow tease, would wrap her warm fingers around his cock after thirty seconds or so to get him somewhere, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan. He’s flat beside her, legs slightly spread, tensing and relaxing with each brush of her fingertips.

Before long, he realizes what she’s doing and it stuns him into holding his breath for so long that the gasp he releases when he remembers he needs oxygen makes her jump a little.

She’s studying him. She wants to know every inch of his body, wants to see how every subtle touch affects him. She is reading him like an instruction manual. Her eyes flicker, narrowing and darting and taking it all in. She can see every goosebump, every subtle lift of his hips, every intake of breath, every clench of muscle and little smile when she finds somewhere ticklish. By the time her scan seems complete, he’s panting, shaking, vibrating with need, and he knows she knows his body better than he does now.

And she gets to decide what to do with it.

From beside him, keeping her eyes on his, Penny reaches back and unclasps her architecturally stunning bra, draws the straps down her arms, and drops it off the side of the bed, revealing what Shawn had suspected to be the most perfect pair of breasts of all time. He was right.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he hisses, pressing his head back into the pillow to keep from lunging at her stiff brown nipples. He’s rewarded for his compliment with a sweeping hand down his stomach, her fingertips just skimming the line of pubic hair that reaches down from his navel. His hips roll up in response.

Penny turns. Shawn watches her hair swing low against her back like a pendulum, entranced before he realizes she’s standing and bending over to shed her black lace cheeky panties. He remains still, his head turned toward her as she bares herself, until she turns back and faces him and he chokes on air.

He’s seen beautiful women naked. Plenty of them. Really, he has. He knows somewhere in his addled mind that it’s the performance of it that has him so fucking high strung that he almost coughs up a lung when he sees Penny without clothes, that he really, legitimately feels like he’s going to have a heart attack just from looking at her.

But he’s never been so goddamn hard in his life.

She takes a step toward the bed and lifts her leg to climb up next to him. He realizes with a jolt as he watches her legs separate that she’s soaking fucking wet. The insides of her thighs are slick. Shawn presses his heels into the bed to ground himself.

You can’t fake that.

Without a word, she positions herself on top of him, her strong legs on either side of his hips, her hands sunken between pillows by his head. Their eyes are locked. Shawn’s cock shifts against his stomach impatiently. Penny lifts a corner of her soft wet mouth. Shawn chokes on a whimpering sound he’s never heard himself make before. She drops her hips and he hears himself gasp.

“Oh!” he cries, throwing his head back as his hips thrust up to meet her. He vaguely feels the warmth of her lips on his chest, but he’s busy trying to fight back his orgasm that, with just the pressure, warmth and wetness of her pussy resting against his length, is roaring up in his abdomen.

“J-jesus… fuck…” he hisses, rolling his head to the side, sure if he looks down at her pretty face he’ll be coming like a freight train before she even has the chance to really do anything.

“You’ve never felt anything like this before,” she tells him smoothly. It doesn’t smack of arrogance or condescension. It’s simple fact. They both know it.

He shakes his head no, panting breath into the pillowcase.

“You never knew it could be like this.”

Again, he’s agreeing.

“I want you to remember this, what this feels like with me in your lap, wet for you, showing you how this can feel with me. I want you to look at me. Don’t take your eyes off me, Shawn.”

Another purring whimper escapes his throat. Slowly, he peels his sweaty cheek from the pillow and blinks down at her. There’s something feral that’s taken the place of what he saw in her before -- the white painted toes, the cozy hoodie, the gentle giggles. This part he sees now is going to swallow him whole. He’s going to let it, with pleasure.

Penny rolls her hips from left to right, swinging back again easily, with the rhythm of a dancer. The sound their bodies make is absolutely obscene. He grits his teeth through a hiss, watching her eyes flutter.

“You feel… incredible,” she pants slightly, establishing a slow, aching pace that makes Shawn’s brows draw together and his knuckles whiten against the pillow.

“I don’t know how long I can--”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll tell you when you can come.”

She says it easily, like he’s in no danger of losing his fucking mind and spurting all over her stomach in probably only a few seconds. He realizes with a shiver it’s because she knows, for certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that he won’t come until she tells him.

“You’re so nice and hard for me, fuck. Touching you got me so wet. Can you hear us?”

Shawn is quaking, clinging to sanity, as her slick folds hug his cock, grinding harder with each pass of her hips. He doesn’t trust himself to speak anymore. He has no idea what could come out of his mouth at this point. He just nods eagerly, begging his eyes to stay open so he can obey her.

“Can you feel the way the head of your cock is rubbing my clit?” she nearly squeaks, sounding genuinely as close to orgasm as he is. His eyes go wide. His stupid mouth opens.

“Are-- are you gonna come like this?”

Holding her quick rocking pace, Penny springs up, snapping at his lower lip like a snake. He freezes, whining, and very nearly loses control of his tensed arms.

“Fuck yeah, I am,” she moans, and it’s the only warning he gets before her whole body goes tight atop him and she gushes all over his cock and thighs.

“Holy fuck, holy fucking shit,” Shawn gasps, rolling his hips to cradle her as she stutters through it, mewling and humming against his chest. He watches her eyes squeeze shut and open again slowly, looking up at him like she forgot he was there.

In the stillness, the room is so quiet, it’s loud. Shawn feels every cell in his body screaming, begging.

Penny licks her lips and shifts, getting ready to bear down. “You can come now.”

His hips take off at a sprint with her permission. She keeps up easily, using her weight in her knees to drive herself back against his every stroke, egged on by the wet slap of their skin and the glazed look in his eyes.

“Penny, I’m coming,” he warns her, because he feels like he should and he doesn’t know quite why other than he thinks she craves her permission for everything now. She squeezes her swollen lower lip under her row of straight white teeth and watches curiously, doubling down on the stroking of her hips.

“Shit! Oh fuck!” Shawn screams, hips roiling and rioting beneath hers as he comes hard, spurting against her swollen folds and between their clenching stomachs. His vision goes white. He can’t hear himself if he keeps talking, or yelling, and he can’t hear her if she’s trying to soothe him through it. It’s several seconds before he crash lands to feel her peeling her body off his and sees her shifting back over his thighs.

He doesn’t have time, or the mental capacity, to speak before she reaches between her legs and swipes a hand through her wetness and his. Her palm is slick, glistening in the low light. She reaches for his tired cock and gives it a squeeze.

“I want one more.”

His eyes bulge. “What?”

“One more, Shawn. Come again for me. You’ve been waiting for this for a week, I know you have it in you. Now fuck my fist and come for me.”

Shawn’s jaw drops as she pulses her fingers again. Despite everything he thought he knew about his own body, he feels himself already starting to harden in her palm again. He groans loudly, pulls his shaky legs so his feet plant below him, and starts lifting his hips.

“Ohmygod. Oh… oh my god,” he pants, eyes wild as they fix on her in disbelief. How did she know? How does she have this much power over him already? How does he make sure she never gives it back?

“Yes,” she praises, looking ravenous as his hips pick up speed and he grows fully hard in the clench of her fist, “Fuck, you’re so fucking good for me.”

His head tips back. He mewls a noise of overwhelmed pleasure and fucks his hips up even harder.

“Jesus Christ, I’m gonna fucking come again!” he shouts, pupils blowing out as he comes up on his forearms and bucks his entire lower body, quaking as he hurtles toward a second orgasm.

Penny lurches forward, swallowing the scream she knows is building in his chest with a searing kiss. His abdomen clenches as he bursts for her again, drenching her fist and his belly. It’s shorter and rockier than the first orgasm, sending him falling back to the bed totally limp and sated in only a few seconds. Penny mercifully releases him from her fist, using her other hand to smooth through his hair.

She’s concerned for a minute that she broke him. He just keeps staring at her, blinking too slowly, not speaking. She presses little kisses over his face, partially to encourage him, and maybe a little bit to distract herself from trying to make him come again because holy shit, she loved that.

“Never done that before,” he mumbles finally, his eyes sliding shut, like he’s finally secure enough to close them and believe she’ll still be sitting there when he does.

She nods, though he can’t see her. On her own wiggly legs, she manages to stand and get a wet washcloth from the bathroom. When she returns to wipe him off, he’s blinking at her curiously.

“Can I touch you now?”

She grins. “Yes you may.”

Shawn smiles gently. His eyes slide shut. He lifts a heavy palm to her thigh, rubbing her soft bronzed skin in a tender gesture of thanks.

Penny tosses the cloth aside and folds up against him, manipulating his arm around her as she lies against his chest.

“Wanna see you again,” he whispers. She bobs her head.

“Anytime you want.”

He presses his face into her hair, inhaling expensive salon shampoo and exhaling at least three months’ worth of stress. He’s asleep in under ten minutes. She decides to let him rest and behaves herself enough not to wake him up for round two (or three, technically) for at least an hour.

----------

This is gonna be a wild one, guys. If you’re so inclined, the link to buy me a Ko-fi is in my bio!

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team-adults-blog · 7 years

Text

4.08-4.13

Hi friends. I haven’t written since Ep 4.07. And then I didn’t want to write them all individually, so here are the highlights of the season, broken down by character. I waited until after the finale to see if any of my issues would be resolved. Would not recommend reading in one sitting. Below is 6,750+ words (10 pages single spaced in word) and some tangents. Please don’t read it in one sitting, I’m sure you have better things to do.

Warning: A higher emotion to jokes ratio.

This gets pretty critical. I loved the first half of the season, but the second half was hit and miss.

Octavia (? /+)

Wowwieee what an arc. Wasn’t sure exactly where she was going the whole time, but I generally enjoyed the ride.

Kane’s body guard. Fight with Dad!Kane. Pushed off a cliff. Ilian. Still have mixed feelings about Ilian. INDRA LOVE.

I’m happy she got to talk to Bellamy in the finale, but of course, after trying and failing to tell each other they loved one another all season, the radio cuts out, preventing it again. Typical. It still hurt. But then it hurts that much more after when Clarke doesn’t get to talk to Abby.

I like the reluctant leadership role Octavia finds herself in a lot. She acknowledges she’s not a natural leader like her brother or Clarke, but she’s being pushed to lead anyway. Indra’s council that all leaders have help/ a team is so so so so so so so so important for O to realize. She’s not entitled or arrogant like Jaha. She’s strong and humble and it will make her a great leader. I’m also glad she’s like a queen or emperor or whatever and not heda or commander. It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life. And they’re feeling [claustrophobic.]

And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me- would have been another appropriate lyric to throw out, but it lacks a joke and is not as obvious a reference. Same song btw.

Indra (+)

Indra had a fantastic season. I loved the depth her character got and like whoa! Daughter! Lets go back and rewatch S1-3 with this knowledge as we look at how she interacts with Octavia. I need to talk about 4.10’s conclave because holy bajobie. Such good acting. Much emotion. Give Adina Porter a series regular role. Why the hell did they make Roan a series regular when he just died. SHE DESERVES MORE. SHE IS INCREDIBLE. Ok so. We got Indra rebuilding a relationship with her estranged daughter, who have different ideas of faith and leadership. We get serious Octavia mentorship. Her conversation with Kane when he’s telling her that if Octavia makes it out of the conclave it’ll all be because of her and he’s thankful and also like I miss you, we were friends. And She’s like… you can have multiple mentors that teach you different things. And also I hope she’s ok too. We can try and be friends again. Then boom. Guess who ruins it? Fricking Thelonious Jaha. Kindra better have rebuilt in that time gap. I need them to be friends again. Plus they’re both really important influences and mentors to Octavia so they WILL interact, even if they’re disagreeing. I’d like to see that too. Show me the friendship rebuild. I need it.

Gaia (+)

From the first moment she was on screen I said, I don’t know her, but I love her. And then I found out she’s Indras BLOOD daughter. Not adopted. BLOOD. Her face is so expressive. I would love to see where S5 takes her. She’s obvs in the bunker, right?

Ilian (eh)

A generally nice boy. He took Octavia home to meet the parents…that was a poor joke, but not bad enough that I feel the need to remove it. I can feel cringes already. He helped O out of some bad situations and helped her grow. I wasn’t a fan of the cave sex, but I think I get where it came from. I still have no idea how he blew up the Ark without being stopped. He was a decent one season character. OH. It was nice in his first ep that we got to see the destruction A.L.I.E. caused on a more personal level for the grounders. While Ilian’s story can’t represent the experience of all grounders who became chipped, it does a good job of letting the viewer see the devastation she caused. By feeling sorrow for this grounder family, you can imagine that multiplied across all the clans and boom. Lots of sadness all over the coalition.

Echo (+)

She may have done some pretty messed up things but I’m still loving her. I loved her when she and Bellamy met. I was thinking, “wow we get another badass warrior woman. This show is great.” Then she helped blow up Mount Weather and I was all. “I don’t know if I can still love her… I still want to and sort of do, but I don’t know if I should.” She made sure Bellamy wasn’t inside though, you’ve got to give her credit for that. AND THEN. She wants to be buds with Bell and he’s all like. You’re a frickin spy and you killed my girlfriend. I can never trust you. And her face falls and I’m like oh, Echooooo. Someday you’ll be buds or more. In the conclave she’s a sneaky little cheater which I want to be mad at, but it was so smart and she was just trying to save her King. Her face falls AGAIN and you get where she’s coming from. She’s exhiled. King ded. Riding in to save Bell/ sneakily following him to try and find safety. One cool grounder. I really like her. I’m glad she made it into space because that will be really cool for future plotlines/ flashbacks while she’s learning how everything works.

Roan (eh)

Everything he does makes sense for his character. Most of the conflict in the 4A storyline comes from a lack of/poor communication between him and skaikru. Banishing Echo was just, but you died 5 min later and without her Azgeda literally has no clear leader. He was p cool but not my fave. They could have explored his backstory a lot more and gone in some interesting directions had they chosen to.

Clarke (?)

-a little confused?

-I get her plans fall through at every turn

-bellamy? You’re worth something to me. She saves bellamy in the rover/ tank scene. Then at some point Jaha’s influence becomes more important. Jaha potential mentorship made for interesting parallels, and made me actually a little interested in Jaha. But then he screws her over with the bunker.

She shoots at Bellamy?!?!?! But only a warning shot. And then 30 min later she’s forgiven? Man he must really love you.

Finale: wow lots of emotional Bellarke. Wowieeee. Ofc Clarke goes to the tower. Ofc she lives. But. How? How much food was left in the lab? Assuming they actually left enough for Raven, was it 5 years’ worth? How did the bunker get buried in rubble and ash (I know it was in the temple) but Becca’s lab stay perfectly fine AND sealed? It survived the first time, and has medical equipment so Clarke could treat her radiation poisoning. HOWEVER. She should have had some scars 6 years and 7 days later. What is Clarke dying her hair with? It’s really cute that she talked to Bellamy all that time to stay sane. He gave her hope. That’s really nice.

With some kid named Maddie (spelling?) now. How’d that happen? And she’s a nightblood? I’m sure this will all be explained to me so I’m not going to spiral here.

Bellamy (+)

What a great season for Bellamy. He gets emotional fixing from S3, emotional development with his sister and Kane and Clarke. He was an absolute hero in the finale. That was prime Bellamy. Holy cow was that his episode. Sure Clarke was doing things too but. Wow. He talked to Octavia, sad. He comforted Raven. He comforted Echo. He was on fiaahhh. Very happy with his season. We need a new name for this season- Bellamarie or Bernie or something that shows his growth.

Murphy & Emori (+)

Good teamwork. Glad Murphy is happy with his gal. Glad they’re both alive and in space. He’ll be the fun conflict/ complaining guy up on the Ark but still do what needs to get done. Emori is going to learn to trust these 6 other people and then no one else. I’m here for it.

Nate Miller (+)

He got rid of that trash that is Bryan. Bryan bugged Miller’s jacket in S3 or did y’all forget? Bryan wanted to let everyone die on the trip to Azgheda. Nate deserves better. He GOT better. Jackson is pure and morally right most of the time and is just way way better.

David Miller (+)

So he gave into the masses and shocked Kane. He understands mob power and mentality, but I thought they were buds. It hurt a little, but I see why he did it.

Father son guard duty was awesome.

Sacrificing for Nate was heart wrenching. I want more of the Millers.

I became strangely attached to his character after he interrupted Kabby’s reoccurring eye sex back at the start of S3. Also if you read about the casting of the millers it will break your heart even more. (link) this was all I could find in a 2 min search, but they’re really tight and it’s lovely.

Raven (+)

-so so so happy Sinclair came back in 4.11. I love him. So so much. We deserved more of him. When I saw Allesandro Juliani’s name on the opening guest credits (and not having watched any promos) I was so excited. Guys. He had a wife that I never got to meet. Will we ever get to meet her??? Abby’s already adopted Raven but you can never have too many adopted parents. I adopt them all the time. You don’t have to tell them. It’s fine. They need a good kid like me to look after. I’m cry if I keep thinking about Cindy, who was too young to actually be my mom, but was my high school mom all the same. But cooler. And with fun verb songs. Kay now I’m cryin about my Spanish teacher brb y’all. (I actually was for the record)

Ok. Back to Sinclair and Raven. Everything was beautiful. He validated her for her, not just for her super mind. That love and support was just so lovely because raven only sees herself as valuable if she can contribute with her brain. The tank scene where they touched the glass? I know that’s also common for love and hope in prison glass/grate scenes but like. Ian directed this ep. It was not a coincidence. Not at ALLLLLLLLLL. Especially with DNR written on Jasper’s hand held up to the glass. And we know Kane trying to open the bunker was a deliberate call-back to the hatch because the writers tweeted it. At this time I would like to thank Bailey and Peter for telling me I would like Lost so that I may make these connections. The ep was great because of all the emotionnnnn (4.11). Sinclair deserved better.

her surprise at the delinquents returning/ Bellamy hugging her is another emotional stab at my heart.

Raven Reyes is one bamf and I love her with all of my heart. I’m so happy she got to spacewalk, and it was really sweet Clarke figured out why she was happy about that.

Jackson (+)

Oh my gosh Jackson got a first name and a boyfriend this season and I’m so happy for him! Honestly, he delivers a lot of “the viewer needs to know this so we’ll give the lines to Jackson as him talking to Abby,” so it was really nice to see him get some development. Jackson, Nyko, and David Miller were characters that I was happy to see getting lines and screen time. Now all I have is Jackson. I’m considering getting attached to Costa but he just stands there so. Maybe not.

Nyko (-)

Nyko sacrificing himself for Luna was ok when it was for the greater good and all that, but with how Luna’s story ended up being, I wish he’d just lived. It wouldn’t have been as meaningful if someone else had died, but she doesn’t do anything that makes him dying for her worth it. It just makes me sad.

Luna (-)

I understand Luna’s resentment of being used for her nightblood. However, I don’t completely follow her path to wanting everyone to die. All of her people died, so there’s pain there, but Luna was supposed to have turned her back on violence, despite being good at it. The shift from I am reluctantly helping you (when Raven convinces her and Nyko dies) to I hate this one group of people so much I have now changed my perspective on the human race that they are all terrible and need to die. If I have to spend significant time retracing Luna’s story in my mind to try and figure out how she got to this point, the writers aren’t doing their job in tying episodes together and making her arc progress logically. I’m a nerd. I’m willing to take the time and try and figure it out. But really? Luna could have entered the conclave with the idea to share the bunker, which would have made sense to me? But then Octavia wouldn’t be able to have that growth. So. I don’t really know. Generally disappointed.

I will say, I love a good parallel or call back. When Ariana (that kid who came to Arkadia with Luna and Nyko back when Flokru died) was dying, she said something like “from the water we are born to the water we return.” When she said it again as she drowns Roan it was so cool. I’m sorry for Roan and all, but it was a cool variation of yu gonplei ste odon which all the other grounders seemingly say. I find both expressions pleasing because of the ability to shift their meaning based on tone and context. Mercy and comfort vs basically die bitch. Love it.

Kabby (+++, End--)

Kabby, as a unit, because these characters are more than their relationship. Holy cow. 4.01: we see guilt and forgiveness and love and a face caress in front of Clarke, who we see is cool with it, but also a little sad. 4.02: SEX BA-BEEE. Jake’s rings. Heart eyes. Then Abby takes the rings off- off camera. Which is not super cool because we didn’t get to see her make that decision, but they just had sex and I will pick my battles. Hug. Abby returns to go where she can be useful. I LIKED THIS because it recognized they are individuals with different skill sets and allows them to have plotlines and conflicts of their own. Abby is not just hanging around Polis and all those grounder strangers and popping onscreen to be Marcus’ girlfriend lady. I respect the separation. I HATED THIS because it separated them. Which meant less kabby scenes because they were not in the same physical location. The walkie scenes warmed my heart. That was beautiful. BUT THEN. They were apart. For ten episodes. Ten. There were thirteen total episodes in the season. They were together for three. I know Clarke’s story is the A plot darling and more important and I accept that. But her narrative and decision making process was all over the place this season and I do NOT accept that I was denied a reunion scene after Kane and Abby were apart for ten. Episodes. And then completely left out of the finale. It’s disrespectful and rude. To the characters and their storylines, which now have unanswered questions (to follow below) and a 6 year time gap. We’d better get some fucking flashbacks or something because last time there was only a THREE MONTH time gap and the emotional consequences of Mount Weather was mishandled or brushed off until Bellamy had to get a redo to fix the shitshow that was his S3 this past season. I have concerns.

Abby (started off +, end of season MAJOR--)

Kabby amazingness at the beginning and then Abby getting her own plotlines was super satisfying. I had some issues with Abby and medical ethics, but SO DID SHE! Those are hard questions to grapple with and I’m not mad at her for anything she did there. She got talked into a lot of the questionable things she did- which is good in that I can defend her to these assholes, but not good in that she was able to be talked into a morally grey decision. Abby and Raven were great. As they always have. Even when they fight and I have to explain the fight and why it’s ok to someone who will continue to say, “Whatever. I still hate Abby.” You’re entitled to your opinion, but it’s wrong. Kids these days don’t want to empathize with the adult and try to see things from their perspective. Ofc Abby doesn’t want Clarke putting herself in danger. She’s her MOM. Ofc kids identify with Clarke. But take a sec and try to understand where the other person is coming from too. Abby and your own parental unit. Sympathy and empathy are important. I don’t want anymore “oh I didn’t think of it that way.” Once you’ve considered Abby’s side of conflict, and you decide you still don’t like her (and not just to make me mad), that’s totally fine. You can feel that way, Z.

Didn’t like that Clarke and Abby were in the same room and not talking to each other? Yeah, idk.

Freeing Bellamy was awesome.

Not telling Kane about being sick- I have conflicting opinions. On one side, she’s sick and doesn’t think she can do anything about it, so don’t worry Kane until you’re together. They haven’t really had alone time since they reopened the bunker, so are we surprised she didn’t tell Kane yet? Not really. Then there’s the “don’t worry anyone at all by keeping it a complete secret” method. By keeping it a secret, you don’t have to face it full on. Your loved ones don’t know, so they don’t treat you any differently. I don’t know if this is super common or just in my head, but with cancer, it’s not uncommon for parents not to tell their kids that they’ve been diagnosed until they’re in later stages and showing symptoms? Alternatively, if their relationship is as solid as it is in my heart, there’s no real reason to keep her illness from Kane. He’s hurt, but aside from her own fear and denial, there’s no real reason for omission.

UNLESS. She’s not sick. Hear me out- Raven is having multiple seizures each day, and Abby began having hallucinations around roughly the same time. So if the illness was affecting them the same way, she ought to be symptomatic. Unless she’s not? It could be affecting her differently. But there were other people in the lab who know about Abby, and I have faith in Jackson that he can be subtle, but how did he avoid spilling the beans in front of Kane before Raven? Abby is his fam and you know he’s gonna be checking up on her even if he does have a super cute new relationship. So that means Abby isn’t progressing with her illness at the same speed Raven is, which is plausible, but she apparently hasn’t had a seizure or any other issue since the one hallucination. So I’m feeling the Clarke with radiation was a dream. BUT Jackson did a scan back in the lab, which is how we know she’s sick, so how do we explain that away? Why even bring up the fact that Abby is still sick and that Kane didn’t know, just to LEAVE THEM BOTH OUT OF THE FINALE AND NEVER ADDRESS THE UNANSWERED QUESTIONS OF: 1) how will Abby get better? 2) how will Kane and Abby deal with the fallout of a secret?

We don’t know. We time jumped 6 years and 7 days and don’t know. Flashbacks are the only solution.

Deciding to die? Let’s tear that apart. It happened right after David Miller wrote Nate’s name down, sacrificing himself. Abby’s feeling hella guilty, but I blame Jaha for making her feel like shit. Abby is the most hopeful, stubborn character on the show, and it felt a little out of character for her to decide she wanted to die, straight out. Not sacrifice herself for someone else. If the sickness and the guilt are supposed to be the motivators I’m still not convinced Abby wanted to die. Maybe just me. This scene was awesome for Kane, great writing, but Abby was just there for him to be a great character off of? A little confused.

Kane (++/eh)

I would like to start calling him Marcus at this point but I think that would make everyone uncomfortable?

Sillyness first: SHIRTLESS TWICEEEEEEEE. Ok done. Kane could not catch a freakin break. Abby leaves, which sucks but it’ll be ok. Then his daughter starts causing trouble and he has to ground her, but she dies on the way and he’s thrown in jail with his son. But they find out she’s ok. A little awk talk with stepdaughter Clarke (pre-clack phase) is a momentarily nice, but then no one wants to listen to him and he’s right about everything, but what use is that when no one will follow you? What’s a being to a mob? Jaha ruins everything (again) right when he had helped get Octavia back on track. He’d just started to fix things with his bff Indra too. Everything comes crashing down.

Like Jackson, Kane said things that were advicy but in character, but that maybe weren’t always merited? I don’t know how to explain it, but there were times when it felt like the show was going HEY. MORALS. HEY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. But Kane’s saying it so it’s THEME important instead of the viewers need these deets, Jackson tell ‘em, son. After the diplomat stuff early on, I’m not really sure what Kane as supposed to be doing? He was just sort of there in a leadership role, saying these wise things. Which he did beautifully, I might add. But he didn’t have a clear story going with all the worry and distress he went through. Unless that in itself was the point? Looping back to the issue of being right vs being an effective leader- if Kane and Jaha were being presented in that light I get it but there ought to have been more?

Dad!Kane was fantastic. Lots of hugs. I’m happy with this side of his character. Beautiful and emotional acting. Ian is my fave forever.

Jaha (-)

How dare you bring up Jake. It’s NOT the same situation. And Clarke? Was? Standing? Right? There? Rude. Abby told Jaha about Jake thinking she was talking to a friend. She ain’t yo friend no mo. She thinks you’re an insane but charismatic leader. Marcus was a good man. Damn right! I was screaming HE STILL IS SHE’S GONNA SAVE HIM! And then Abby gets to say the predictable and extremely exciting He still is. And then stab him. Justice. The entire world cheered. She should have stuck him with something more lethal, but that’s not who Abby Griffin is, and I respect that.

Jaha is a dick and I hope he died in the S4/S5 time gap. But I would also like to see his death. Is that too harsh? Ok so. Jaha as Clarke’s leader was interesting when I thought he was relating to her, and I was on board to explore where that would go. We know they would have had a past relationship on the Ark, and an actual personal one because of Wells at that. But all he wasn’t a positive guiding figure for her. He made her hate herself. He made Abby hate herself. He made Kane hate himself. But get this: He made them hate themselves by putting the blame for HIS OWN IDEAS AND ACTIONS ONTO THEM. He has no soul. He takes zero responsibility for what he did on the Ark, or Allie, moving into the bunker or like. Suggesting the lottery system. He says it, even if he didn’t think it was a good idea, at the Clarke and list incident in Arkadia. He RESUGGESTS it in the bunker in 4.12, only to go “Marcus, this is a shit idea, we can’t do that. They’re already about to riot. How can you make them stop?” Thelonious frickin Jaha. This was your idea. You moved these people into the bunker. YOU are the reason they are comfortable and just got used to the idea of surviving and now it’s being taken away. Marcus Kane had NOTHING to do with that. Don’t you put that evil on [his soul], Ricky Bobby. And you also TOLD the dude with the kid to fight against the grounders- which would get EVERYONE kicked out of the bunker if they lost (which ofc they would) according to Octavia’s rules. Everything that’s going wrong right now is your fault.

I have some serious issues with his wardrobe. The monk hood was a little silly, but I preferred that to the forever 21 boob shirt he was rocking for the second half of the season. If you’re going to wear a chesty shirt, go on and show some cleavage, Jaha. Don’t wear a shirt under it. They should have just left him in the normal zip up from 4.01. He looked normal. It was nice.

We loved to hate him, but now that he’s making everyone feel bad about themselves, good riddance. Be gone foul demon.

How the show talks about/writes/deals with death

Killing main characters is good for keeping viewers on the edge of their seat with the knowledge that no one is safe. With warring factions, plague, and radiation, we’d be fools to think that any character (aside from Clarke, probably) is completely safe. Grey’s Anatomy has killed-off a huge number of their cast when actors decide to leave the show, so I’m super used to the concept and also super worried all the time. SPOILER: I was so worried they were going to kill Stephanie instead of writing her off the show, but they didn’t. Her exit was strong and hopeful and I’m v. emo about it. However, Shonda Rhimes and the Grey’s writers, at least I hope and think, have learned that killing characters for dramatic effect and because you’re running out of plot ideas, so let’s just kill someone is poor writing. Thus the last few main and secondary characters to leave the show have been write-offs instead of kills. It’s more fulfilling. Still, in the setting of the 100, it makes more sense for characters to die than to disappear into the background. Yet when killing characters, writers have to be careful about the message they’re sending.

Lexa and Lincoln both had deaths that upset the fandom because of the real-world context fans are living in. The show got a lot of backlash for the killings and gay-baiting with Lexa appearing in the finale. Plot wise, Lexa was badass and really interesting as a character past the love relationship with Clarke; her relationships with Indra and Kane, and her role as commander and a peace broker were much more interesting to me. However, her character development was inconsistent- she died fighting for peace and “blood must not have blood” which, come on, they could have come up with a new catchy slogan, but then pops up in the C.o.L. all slashy and war-time-killing-machine-Lexa. Lincoln’s fall-out was because the show was killing another P.o.C. when white characters had been in near-death situations and survived.

Because of the blacklash, the show brought up the two again, giving them some respect and saying that their deaths still affect the characters. BUT. I liked that they did this, more-so with Lincoln because it felt so important for Octavia’s character development, saying “look where you’re headed, is this who you want to be? This isn’t who Lincoln would want you to be.” Which worked well, provided the characters saying those lines to her actually knew him at least a little. Abby talking to Clarke about Lexa was perfect and sufficient for her respects because it shows Abby accepting her daughter as Bi and Clarke’s pain over lost love.I don’t really get how Niylah and Lexa would have met, but Clarke being able to talk to her about Lexa was good, I just wish Niylah did something outside of that “support Clarke” role for most of her scenes.

BUT. Maybe I’m cynical in thinking that the only reason Lexa and Lincoln are brought back up is because of the backlash, but other characters have been completely forgotten. Pike is mentioned a bit, but no one got super attached to him over his villain-arc and redemption episode that came too late in the season to gain him much sympathy. Monty’s mom, on the other hand, would have played significantly into Monty’s character development, but is never mentioned (?) Monty tells Clarke that she’s not the only messed up one, which is sort of him saying that he’s going through grief of killing his mom. Twice. But he’s apparently fine other than the one fight he has with Clarke over the List™, which was actually more about his part in Mount Weather than his mother. Hannah Green has not been mentioned since her death.

Which leads me to serious concerns about how Jasper’s death has been and will be handled…

Jasper (major -)

So this is where shit’s gonna get real for a few minutes. This plotline hurt me. The whole season I was thinking, “I hope Jasper doesn’t die like this. I’m ok with him dying, but not like this.” I didn’t want Jasper to commit suicide. His narrative has gone from goofball to grief to depression and if you’re telling me the only end to depression is suicide- on one of my favorite shows- I have a problem with that. I have an even bigger problem with Jasper being semi-responsible for a mass suicide pact.

I don’t think showing serious topics such as suicide is wrong; a show representing real emotional and mental thought processes is good. But they cannot drop the ball and not face the real world consequences of showing that story in a way that doesn’t deal with Jasper’s story after he’s dead. His story isn’t over just because he’s not on screen, and that’s an important message the writers need to show. I need to see how fucked up Jasper’s death leaves Monty. My point is, it’s important to see how killing yourself doesn’t end the pain. Let Monty be mad. Let him be hurt. Let him be upset. But show us it. Don’t tell me that he went through his grief process in space and is now A-ok. We need to see it. Otherwise. Jasper’s death has no emotional consequences- like Fox or Monroe, except that he was a main character and needs to have consequences.

This season was so dark. If Jasper’s death doesn’t come back in the emotional ways Lincoln and Lexa’s were, and instead is relatively forgotten like Hannah Green, showing that storyline was irresponsible. Don’t make people hurt just for the dramatic effect of it and then treat that hurt like its meaningless.

Harper (-)

If Harper is meant to be the opposite of Jasper in that she decided to live, and is the “hope” character, or the character that came close and then realized not wanting to live is different from wanting to die, I see what the writers were going for, but they failed. Here’s why: Harper has only functioned as a love interest for most of the season. In S3 she was working for Kane with Nate Miller and it was awesome. S4 has her going down a dark path, which it perfectly believable any one of her plotlines from the start could turn someone dark: crash-landing as a delinquent, being drilled in Mt. Weather, being around for all the darkness of S3 plot, and leaving the guy to be trampled. So I understand how she got here, I just don’t like that we’ve only seen it through her interactions with Monty. Let her be a person outside of the relationship too. So my issue with Harper is more of a Monty issue. We don’t get to see Harper making the decision not to drink the tea. We see her say “I love you” back to Monty, which as its own story independent of everything else happening would be fine. She realized she wanted to live. Good. However, when she said it wasn’t the right time on Monty’s side. His best friend just killed himself in front of him. He’s afraid his girlfriend has killed herself too, which would amplify the pain he’s already experiencing. Harper’s fine on her own, but when I compare her to Jasper (as I’m thinking I should) I hate her storyline because it didn’t fully get to the level it needed to. Monty tried much harder to be there for Harper, which could happen, but it pisses me off because Jasper is his best friend and you don’t abandon that just because you’ve got a girlfriend.

Monty (-)

Sometimes it’s hard to be sympathetic when you can’t empathize at all in the situation. Monty cannot imagine what Harper/Jasper’s going through, and that’s hard on both of them. It’s frustrating not to understand. I’ve been Monty, hating someone for “not trying hard enough” when they were just doing their best to stay alive. I’ve been Jasper too. It sucks to know you’re a mess, but you can’t explain it to make someone who hasn’t been where you are to understand. It’s frustrating to see how you’re affecting people you care about, but you can’t stop being the way you are.

We didn’t get to see Monty deal with the death of his mother. We need to see how he deals with Jasper’s death. Or if they decide not to flashback in S5, we need to see that the death of his best friend has changed him. I’m worried that the show will glaze over it or say Monty’s ok because he had Harper to help him get through it. Jasper’s death has to have real consequences for Monty so that we see how suicide affects the ones you leave behind for both Monty’s development and to make Jasper’s death mean something on the show. He could have died in the black rain if they didn’t want to carry the emotional weight of suicide and upset viewers and they should have thought that through.

Why I’m glad Bryan was written off instead of killed (+)

The whole gay-killing would have been worse after Lexa, even though I predicted his death. Good on them for writing him off. Bryan and Miller had important, basal, essential differences. The show demonstrated how you can love someone, but can’t be with them because of irreconcilable differences. If there had been more time to show the emotional fall-out from their break-up, it probably would have been clearer that it was actually a break-up…

Predictions made back at the start and how they worked out

My death predictions were Bryan or Harper dying. I didn’t want Harper to die, and I saw problems with Bryan dying, so I’m glad he was written off instead.

I got tired of writing and stopped. I didn’t proof read this.Trying to remember 6 episodes worth of stuff was hard. Never again.

Kabby baby 2k17// Radiation + 6 years and 7 days. Make it so. Or like. Give them that little boy Jaha has no business acting as a guardian for. I maintain that Wells was good despite his father/ because he didn’t like the coldness of Thelonious, not because he was a good father to Wells. I’d prefer they take that child.

I cannot believe you read this whole thing. You are a very nice person for doing so.

If Kabby is not together is S5 I will no longer be watching the show because on/off relationships make for annoying writing and in reality probs unhealthy relationships. Do better writers. No Ross/ Rachel. No MerDer (But that actually was ok because it wasn’t forever and then they had real issues to work through which was good). More Jim/Pam. Ben/Leslie. Coach and Tami Taylor. Time man/ Penne. Time man and Penne x infinity tbh. Can Sonya guest star on the 100? Please?

Happy Hiatus.

My attention turns to GoT: Ser Jorah and Petyr (Bae)lish.

Hopes: Daniel Portman keeps his real life facial hair because I would like Pod even more

#s4 #the 100 #rambles #just my thoughts #not all of them are good ones

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