#buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

positive body changes ive noticed since losing weight

(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅) tw!! 3ating d1sorder , d1sordered 3ating. keep in mind, i did not lose that weight in a safe way and i do not encourage anyone to do so

63 kg (sw) → 52 kg (cw)

1. moving around is easier. i never even though that that there would be a legit noticable difference, but oh well. walking a lot is easier. lifting weights is easier. i can sit in a squat comfortably now 2. finger gaps 3. fucking toe gaps?? 4. my bone structure (on a body) is more visible 4.1. i hadnt realised that there are collarbone thingies on shoulderss. like, anatomically, i knew they were there, but ive never seen them on myself 5. my back doesnt hurt as much 6. doing yoga asanas is easier 7. im not as tired all the time 8. i move more freely 9. i can actually see when im bloated now

#thats just some of them #love decorating those posts hehehehe #tw ana diary #tw ana shit #tw disordered eating #@na vent #@na trigger #@n0r3xia #i wanna be skinnier #pro for tags #sweetspo #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

btw if anyone has been wondering im doing fine...... just took a break from 3d tumblr i guess

#buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

oooooh hehehehehe it starts to hurt sitting on by butt bones

#leaning on the wall also #tw ana diary #🕯️as a 🪶 #tw @na diary #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

self sabotaging like that feels horrid

YEAH it feels good to eat for about an hour or two, but what about after that? arent you forgetting YEARS of mental torture that was looking in the mirror? looking like a child, with all that baby fat?

doesnt it feel great to see the outline of your cheekbones starting to show? being able to take selfies freely? not escaping group photos? strangers beibg nicer to you? actually enjoying your walks? noticing those glances of your friends ta your waistline?

sigh

im gonna forgive myself for today and go with the flow. okay. whatever. but rules after that are gonna be stern.

#SELF fucking REMINDER!!!!!!!!!!! #tw ana diary #tw @na diary #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #am i even allowed to use those tags after that hahahaha????????? #tw ana vent #@na vent #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

welcome welcome!

warning! achtung! увага!

before scrolling, this blog is heavily focused on 3d eeeedeeeee posting. this is my place to vent, i do not encourage anyone to develop disordered eating habits. in fact, recovery is very much supported!

this is all about me! me! me! other topics may revolve around s3lf h*rm, mental disorders, old web treasures and strange drawings

block, dont report!

✶ hi! my name is Avra, im 18 y.o and i have relapsed heavily and unexpectedly in september

✶ sw: 63 kg

cw: 49 kg

gw: 46 kg

ugw: 42 kg

✶ i dont have a scale, so updates on weight will be rare :p

✶ always happy to chat, dms and ask are open : )

#tw ana diary #tw ana shit #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #introduction post #tw disordered eating #tw @na diary #tw ed diet #i wanna be weightless #i wanna be skinnier #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

i was just eating for the whole day sigh

..

anyone uuuuh looking for accountabilibuddy?

#tw @na diary #@na buddy #@na trigger #tw b1nge #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

weird shit happened a couple of days before..

i gaslighted myself that i always was this thin. that i just gained weight in the last year or so and now i just shred it off, as easy as that

bitch.. you and i both know that i was never lower 55 kg before in my conscious life. like.

ugh but i sincerely BELIEVED it and felt so down for half a day. what the fuck

#tw ana diary #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #tw @na diary #🕯️as a 🪶 #@na vent #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

💆

204

2 rice crackers & ricotta ~ 50

2 cherry tomatoes - 9

dessert - 145

#tw ana diary #tw calories #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #tw @na diary #ana meal #mealsp0 #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

updated my cw

bluuh! its a progress but i think ive slowed down so much since past month (duh i wonder why that is!)

#tw @na diary #@n0r3xia #tw ana diary #@na trigger #🕯️as a 🪶 #tw disordered eating #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

i fear no man. cravings at home i can take. the urges to eat everything in the fridge even

but when im in the city.. that scares me.

its so easy to lose control with all those stores and cafes and takeout. thats so stupid!!!! but it gets 10x harder to restrain that 'fuck it' feeling

✶ what helped me today: i was craving an expensive and very high in calories fastfood.

i went to a pottery store to see what i can buy there instead for the same amount of money

i visited a cafe and looked through their menu. nothing really seemed appealing, which helped me realise that im actually full and not physically hungry

listened to music

instead i ordered a citrus tea (to satisfy that 'need to buy shit' feeling) and made an arrangement with myself to have one (1) cig to numb down the hunger and the urges (i think i might be developing a nicotine addiction.. oh well)

after that ill be busy and ill be returning when its cold and dark so maybe i wont even want to eat anything!

#writing it all down definitely helps too #the mental hunger feels soo overwhelming #like so many thoughts all at once and that inner itching itching feeling #weird #@n0r3xia #@na vent #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

sighhh but it feels great falling back into these habits. wrote a long post about motvation and validation but tumblr got stupid. so lets just leave it at that have a wonderful day ✶!

#tw ana diary #tw ed shit #@na vent #@na trigger #4norexi4 #4n0r3xia #st4rv3 #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

yo okay but long restriction clearly Does Something To Your Brain

because get this: ive been up from 12 am to 3 am fucking MANICALLY googling shit to eat and planning a huge bigne, going back and forth between options, completely unable to sleep and without a single rational thought in my head

like holy fuck

i somehow got to recovery forums, then mindful eating shit, then fastfood delivery sites, fucking calculator, bmi ans steps calculator, then back to fastfood FOR LIKE 3 HOURS STRAIGHT. IN SOME FEVER ASS MANIC STATE

i woke up, scrolled through my own blog and i think the feeling has lessened.

but this is insane!!!!!!

#AND i got VERY LITTLE FUCKING SLEEP #tw ana diary #tw ana shit #@n0r3xia #ed not sheeren #🕯️as a 🪶 #tw disordered eating #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

okay but like. i get genuinely scared when i see how fucking prominent my ribcage and chestbones are. like its cool and all yeah yeah but i just look unwell standing naked in front of a mirror is like a mental checkpoint of asking myself what the fuck am i doing

#tw ana diary #tw ana shit #@n0r3xia #anoreksik #tw @na diary #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

its not about eating less or eating mealspo-style, doll

its about not eating.

#writing this as a reminder for myself #tw ana diary #tw @na shit #@n0r3xia #disordered eating thoughts #🕯️as a 🪶 #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

i dont want to eat........ ever again!!!!!!!!!!!

#sounds like a plan doesnt it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #tw ana shit #tw ana diary #@n0r3xia #tw @na diary #i wanna be skinnier #buzz ꮼ

[sleepybug05]

honestly one thing about getting skinnier is how much it reinvents your image of your past self

i dont like to be mean to the younger me, but now i cant help but look at my old photos/videos and think man. i really was fat huh.

#dont know yet why exactly it happens #i mean is it genuinely because now i know the difference or is it because i got worse #tw ana shit #tw ana diary #@na trigger #@n0r3xia #🕯️as a 🪶 #st4rv3 #34t1ng d1s0rd3r #buzz ꮼ