#can you imagine what jacob went through?? like...who's getting the award for most traumatized

[earl-grey-crow]

it’s me, hi, I’m the white witch, it’s me

#this was such a good episode I'm basically head empty no thoughts #can you imagine what jacob went through?? like...who's getting the award for most traumatized #the way home hallmark #that moment between nick and alice in 2007 was...interesting #their whole dynamic is interesting because it's so messed up! it's not romanticized or whatever it's just messed up and it messes them up! #I can't believe this is a hallmark series not just because they're including something messed up like that but also because they've made a #a series that lowkey makes me want to lie on the floor #also nick found the notes HE FOUND THE NOTES OH MY WORD #they really went there! I was wondering if they were going to do anything with him being back and that's where they went! #I never would've thought they'd do that #the way kat and elliot were prepared to just drop everything and go to london #and the way kat is always falling into water and bleeding out #I feel like there has to be more to what happened at that party? because what happened doesn't really feel proportional to the big deal the #made out of it? idk #anyway yeah I think that was one of the best episodes of the season #earl crow ramblings

[jacobalderham]

Part II/Headlines

The following extract is from an early draft of Chapter 13 from Scattered Thoughts: The Story of a Kid Growing Up With ADHD by Jacob Ham. The following extract is unedited, unformatted, and will change before the final release.

Scattered Thoughts will be released August 24th 2021.

Real Life Events

These days it is hard to find a middle ground online. It seems that everyone has their own agenda. People attack others for supporting a different set of beliefs. Some people believe in God, and some assume that the Big Bang Theory is true. A few fixate on being part of an alien stimulation.

Social media is nothing but conspiracies and fake news.

If I made a political or scientific statement with hard cold evidence, people would still argue against it.

People these days can't stand being wrong.

People attack celebrities for something they did years ago, and they've already apologised for. These days you can't make a mistake.

But people change.

I know people who've changed after a traumatic experience, like a car accident that affects their ability to walk again. They think 's a miracle they're still alive. They used to cringe at the thought of their being a higher power, but now they go to church every weekend. Praying that one day they will play footy with the lads. People change. The older I get, the more I understand that.

The problem is people are caught up on having this persona. A persona behind a device. A persona behind an icon.

Social media has changed.

I can't scroll anymore without seeing negativity. I know drama gets more attention, but why does it have to be so toxic?

Why do we care so much about lives that are not ours? I wish I knew the answers.

I open my phone and see another bombing.

I scroll down and see another video from a protest about the environment.

I scroll a little more and see another status about a black guy getting shot by a cop in the street.

I scroll through the replies and see arguments over political views, forgetting we all bleed the same blood.

I scroll for another hour and see reports of another celebrity committing suicide. Harassed into ending their life because of some more clickbait.

People suddenly switch up their intentions and send prayers to the victim's family. They then get called out for being the ones who harassed the celebrity in question. Nothing is truly private anymore.

I scroll further and realise that my time could be spent better elsewhere.

I close my phone, and I am left wondering has the world always been this way?

I turn on the TV and see the same shit on the news.

The same bombing.

The same protest.

The same black guy getting shot by a cop.

The same footage, just without the comments and negativity.

I watch a little longer, and it starts to loop.

The same headlines as before.

The same adverts that cannot be skipped.

I keep flicking through the TV guide and cannot find anything worth my time.

I switch channels and hear more racism while watching Football. Everywhere I turn, I am reminded that the world is far from perfect.

I turn off the TV and attempt to sleep, but I'm wide awake wondering, maybe the world has always been this way.

Fictional Dreams/Dark Thoughts

I wake up the very next day, and my mind is racing. I feel agitated and annoyed about the world, but mainly towards the media. I hate how our lives are no longer private. Everything we do is traceable, permanent and backed up on our devices. Every part of our lives are public and used to build a profile of information, one that can be twisted against us if the time ever came.

That thought alone, has got me thinking about the worst-case scenario and if shit hit the fan, like what would happen if I grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer and committed murder? Doing it with malice and intent. The motive of proving my point about the media. Imagine if that became a reality, and it was more than a fictional dream.  

My whole life would change instantly, no going back, and no do-overs.

It's permanent.

Do I go on the run? Or do I give myself up? It's hard to say because it would be a fight or flight decision. Maybe I'd finally have the guts to end it all.

Once I'm found guilty, it feels like the events that follow are far too easy to predict. Every single news corporation would use my name and my situation for clicks. They'd monetise off of my story, and someone else's miss fortune as that helps pay their bills.

They'd paint a picture of a boy who was troubled mentally and bullied growing up.

They'd name drop my diagnosis, and hint that maybe it was the medication I take, what pushed me over the edge.

They'd claim to have inside information about what went wrong and ask questions about whether that morning I forgot to take my meds.

They'd ask my teachers and so-called friends, questions about whether they believed the rumours, and some would say they're shocked, and others would claim they expected it.

They'd twist the fact I have ADHD and create even more stigma for people like me, making it even harder to get jobs or live a normal life.

They'd completely ignore the fact that they're giving me the attention that all people with ADHD apparently crave.

They'd reference that I graduated with honours and was slowly starting to make ends meet, and I'm praying they'd name drop my business, so I can finally see my website at the top of Google.

They'd celebrate about all my awards, certificates, and personal achievements becoming worthless and null and void as companies distance themselves from my name.

They'd discuss how I was an advocate for mental health and wanted to be a champion for other people with similar problems. Because it creates a shock and gives readers more to nitpick.

They'd bring up my little sister and her disability, stating that maybe I had too much on my plate.

They'd bug my mam for a statement, and enquire about her M.S, but deep down they don't give a damn, they're only bothered about their story.

They'd most likely mention that I only got a few years behind bars for something I deserved life for.

They'd forget to highlight that maybe there are two sides to every story like we aren't told that for every argument growing up.

They'd essentially feed you the words to how you feel before you start forming your own opinion because that's how they keep you hooked.

Maybe now I've finished this fictional dream, the next time you read a headline, you can learn to form your own opinion before tweeting about it.

© 2021 Jacob Ham & AlderHam 

#books #adhd #media #thoughts