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beskarandblasters · 4 months

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Me and My Husband

Chapter Nine: I’m Sorry I’m the One You Love

Married!Din Djarin x F!Reader

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Synopsis: Din Djarin is doing what any typical Mandalorian would be doing after reclaiming Mandalore, finding a riduur and settling down. He’s still a member of the Guild on Nevarro, taking bounties here and there to support his new family. But when he meets you while you’re working the front desk at an inn on Naboo, he finds himself hooked, feeling like he’s found something new and exciting in his now mundane life. How long can he keep up appearances with his riduur? And how long can he keep his little secret with you?

Series warnings: reader is able-bodied, set post season 3, canon divergent (long live the Razor Crest), some liberties taken with Mandalorian culture/weddings/marriages, infidelity, eventual smut (starts at chapter two!), switches between Reader and Din's POV, no use of y/n

Chapter summary: Where it all comes crashing down.

Word count: 1.9k

Chapter warnings: angst lol

You

It’s been only a handful of rotations since you’ve seen Din. This is the most you’ve missed him since being apart. Ever since your time on Aldhani together, you’ve never felt more connected to him. Stars, you’ve even told people about him. Not just random people but Lumya and Del. You mainly told Lumya because maybe now she’ll finally get the hint that you don’t need to be set up on random blind dates anymore. And of course, you told Del. She already knew about him vaguely when you told her you were going to Nevarro with him. But that’s all she knew about him, that he was just some mystery man who whisked you away off the planet. You brought her up to speed now about everything, who he is, where he’s from… his wife. That part made Del concerned, but that was to be expected. Del’s like a mother to you. But when you finished telling her about him all she said was, “It seems like you really love him but you’re playing a dangerous game, my dear. I'd hate to see you get hurt.”

It’s true. You’ve fallen for him hard, but after what he told you about his wife, about Mandalorian marriages, you’ve had to ask yourself; Is this what you want? To be bound to a man who’s never going to be completely committed to you and only you?

The lovesick part of you wants to latch onto him and hope he’ll change. The cynical part of you reminds you that he probably won’t but the lovesick side of you is louder, incessant even.

He loves you. He’s yours. You’re his. It’s as sure as every star illuminating the galaxy. As sure as the sun setting and the night sky permeating the atmosphere with its infinite darkness.

…Right?

You throw your bag over your shoulder and get ready to leave for the library, hoping to read about some other far-off place you and Din can go to together.

And that’s exactly what you do. You sit in your usual corner in the library, bouncing between reading physical books and digital ones on the library’s data pad. This time you’re reading about Tatooine. You know Din’s already been there from the stories he’s told you. You can’t imagine it’s actually enjoyable for him, being on that hot, sand-ridden planet under all that beskar. But you would love to see that binary sunset someday. Maybe with some convincing, he’ll take you there. Or even Coruscant. The capital of the galaxy is a must-do for any new traveler.

You spend Maker knows how long in there, finalizing a travel wish list before deciding to head back home. It’s time to gear up for another night of loneliness. You think about Din and what he’s doing now. Maybe he’s off chasing after another bounty. Maybe he’s home eating dinner with his son and his wife… Maybe he’s having sex with his wife. The thought of that makes your stomach threaten to empty its contents right here on the street. He said they didn’t do that, though. So there’s a chance that’s not what he’s doing at this exact moment. But that’s also kind of messed up, that him having sex with his own wife makes your stomach turn. She would feel the same way if only she knew about the nights you and Din spent together, the way he made your body shake with pleasure and the most sincere words of love and affirmation he showers you with. If you were in her shoes, it would kill you to know that your husband doesn’t feel that way about you, but instead some random woman on another planet across the galaxy.

As you turn onto your street, Din’s there, resting against the building like he was waiting for you. You’re a bit taken aback at first. You didn’t expect to see him so soon. Not that you’re not happy to see him. You’re always happy to see him. But something about his body language is setting you off. Even without seeing his face and under all the armor you can read him like a book. The anticipation swirls in your stomach.

“Ca’tra…” he trails off in an uneasy tone, like he’s about to tell you something terrible and it’s on the tip of his tongue, the words threatening to break loose and cut you like a knife.

“…Yes?” you ask, adding a hopeful, sing-songy tone in your voice to try and cut some of the tension.

“I have to tell you something,” he says.

“Okay… Do you want to go somewhere else? Somewhere more private?” you respond, trying to keep cool as your stomach sinks.

“Back to the Crest.”

“Of course,” you nod, but he doesn’t even really wait for a response, turning and heading towards the outskirts of Theed as you follow him.

His stance is stuff and his hands keep clenching and unclenching at his sides. You’re fearing the worst; that his wife went psycho on him, that he’s here to tell you he can never see you again, that he’s going to try to patch things up with her. The world and its elements distort around you, voices and sounds drowning out into a monotonous white noise. Your palms grow sweaty and your feet feel like they’re a thousand pounds each. It feels like you’re walking headfirst into your greatest fear, that your true blue love is about to leave you and travel back home across the galaxy, never to be seen by you again.

The stone streets eventually turn into a grassy field beneath your feet. It's a beautiful day, the sun beaming down and bouncing off of Din’s armor and the breeze making his cape billow in the wind. The Razor Crest is perched at the bottom of a hill in the distance; a sight that normally means you’re about to go on a great adventure together. But today it signifies something else.

He takes you inside the Crest, leading you up the ramp. He closes it once you’re both inside, making sure it’s completely locked like he did on Aldhani, before turning and walking towards you slowly.

“Din, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m not… I’m not trying to.”

“Well, what is it?”

A pause. He lifts his helmet off his head, setting it down on a crate beside him. You’re flooded with the memory of the last time he took off his helmet in front of you, the first and only other time. But the memory is washed away quickly when you look at the state of his face; a weathered, defeated look, his eyes swollen and red. You open your mouth to ask what’s going on again but he speaks first.

“I lost everything.”

“What do you mean everything?”

“I’m an apostate again.”

“...What happened?”

“May must’ve had her suspicions… because when I returned to Mandalore I was questioned by the Armorer.”

“Who?”

“She’s a well-respected leader of the Children of the Watch.”

“Okay…”

“And when she asked me if I had broken the terms of my riduurok I could not lie.”

“So she declared you an apostate again?”

“Permanently.”

Permanently. Maker, he must be lost right now. A pit opens up in your heart for him but there’s also a nagging, almost selfish voice in the back of your mind.

Can’t you two finally be together now?

If he loved you as much as he said he did, wouldn’t you be enough to save him from the pits of despair? Isn’t your love enough to keep him from spiraling out of control?

“Din…” you say softly, mentally bracing yourself for what you’re about to suggest. You take a deep breath before asking in a small and delicate voice, “Can’t we be together now?”

He doesn’t say anything, a specific look consuming his face, a look that you can’t quite determine what it’s trying to convey.

And then it hits you. It’s almost as if he’s looking at a wounded animal; a wounded animal who’s holding onto hope and he’s about to put it out of its misery.

“Without my creed, I am nothing.”

“...Not even if you have me?”

He says nothing and his silence enrages you. He thinks he can come into your life and make a mess, blaming it all on his creed. But what about you? What about the life he meddled with just because he was unhappy with his own life? That’s not fair to you.

He doesn’t need to answer. And… he shouldn’t get to.

“You know what? You just use your creed as a crutch; as an excuse,” you start, the words coming out shaky and unsure of themselves. You wait a beat for his response but he doesn’t have one, looking at you with a dumbfounded, open-mouthed expression.

“You can’t just come into my life and change everything; change me and then claim you cannot commit yourself to me because of your creed. Well, your creed is gone now so what’s your excuse? It’s because you’re nothing but a coward; a coward who now has to deal with the consequences of his actions,” you finish, your tone growing firmer and angrier as you conclude your thoughts. Without even realizing it, you’re in his face, pointing your finger at him, and tears threatening to spill over onto your cheeks.

“But ca’tra, ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.”

“Don’t call me that.”

As if you’re snapped out of your angry trance, you take a step back and press your palms to your eyes, willing yourself to not have a full breakdown in front of him. He doesn’t get to see you at your lowest point, not when he’s betraying you like this.

Tears are rolling down his cheeks and a look of realization hits him. He’s losing everything as if that wasn’t evident to him before. He’s helpless, at a loss for what to do or say next.

“I’m sorry I’m the one you love.”

“...That’s all you have to say?”

He doesn’t respond but you don’t even care anymore. The damage is done and there’s nothing he can say to change the fact that you can’t be with him anymore. The breakdown is hitting you like a ton of bricks and it’s showing no signs of stopping. It’s too painful to be here with him, in the very space where you saw his face for the first time, in the very ship that allowed you to finally leave Naboo. The memories are tainted now. They’re dead in your mind. The feeling inside you is nothing but grief; grief for what was really never yours in the first place.

It’s time to go. Now.

You’re frantically pressing the buttons to lower the ramp for the Crest. Everything is a blur and the ringing in your ears is so piercingly loud that you can’t tell if Din is calling after you or not. It’s hard to tell if you even care. Your mind is occupied with one thing and one thing only; run as fast as you can.

And you do, running through the fields back towards Theed, never looking back once.

All you can do is leave him in the past, where he belongs.

Chapter Ten

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