#chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

Day five of recovery

I’m so incredibly uncomfortable, I’m still not allowed to take my T so it’s now been 4 weeks with no T. Coupled with the sudden loss of so much weight on my chest and loss of the hormones they produced I feel absolutely insane and empty and scared. The binder Dr Jenq is having me wear is cutting so deeply into my pit fat lipo spots 😭I seriously can’t do much but float from room to room hoping I’ll get tired again so I can sleep another few hours away. I’m supposed to be able to do basic tasks at this point but I can’t? My whole torso feels tingly and I know some of it is psychological but I’m so anxious like my skin is made of worms. I sneezed and it like hurts...INSIDE my chest? I’ve just been rewatching the same Drew Gooden, Cody ko, and Danny Gonzales videos over and over to try and feel normal.

My appetite sucks. I really wanted to feel hungry so I was stupid and ordered $15 pasta on DoorDash but only ate a few bites. It sits in my fridge mocking me.

I keep drifting past mirrors and beginning to cry. I’m wearing a loose shirt I often wore comfortably around the house when I had tits and now it sits so beautifully flat on me in a way Ive never even seen or been able to simulate with multiple binders or punching my chest with my fists. I’ve just never seen this on me.

I want this recovery to be over I don’t regret the surgery but jfc I feel like I’m not cut out for taking it easy or just waiting. My ADHD anxious ass can’t take this much longer. Maybe I’ll sleep again.

#ftm top surgery #ftm #personal #Chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

I’m so excited to start living life the way I’ve always wanted

#personal #post surgery thoughts #ftm #chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

Idk I just keep thinking lately about the people I spend my energy on and tbh it’s just made my heart so sad. My feelings are hurt and so I’m shutting those people out until they give me the time of day to explain why they’re being so cold.

I’m just tired mostly and sad. My energy is so limited and using that energy to support and miss people who don’t give me a second thought through their day is just pathetic. I don’t ask for much...ever...just a moment or two, just an explanation or an indication that my friendships are real. I’m happy I DO have people in my life who give me a moment to make me smile or explain their lives to me so I’m not bitter but I’m still sad for those I just wish to connect with.

My heart is too open and it makes me laugh sometimes. This year has been such a sad one and I really hope I see brightness soon, so much darkness for so long.

#personal #Chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

Yknow

When I say “I’m actually okay with being ugly!” Or “I’m finally comfortable being seen as ugly” it’s really sweet when people come back with “but you’re not ugly” but let me explain why that response annoys me.

For the longest time I was so viscerally terrified of being seen as ugly. I would never smile or do anything but pose carefully for photos. I starved and hurt myself to constantly uphold an image I thought people might like. Then I slipped up and gained a fuckton of weight because I suddenly found happiness and stopped staring at myself as a product. I was no longer deemed conventionally attractive by my peers and for a long time it fucking crushed me. I did so many things to try and hide myself until I thought I was “better”

I don’t anymore. I’m fat, I’m unattractive when I’m not in makeup and posed carefully like a doll. But those things are a huge comfort now. I can be a goof, I can smile and support the people around me. I can embrace my appearance and create comfortably without feeling like I need to be something I’m not.

I’m really happy to just embrace the way I look and continue creating, sure it can be hard to love myself we all struggle with that but I never call myself ugly out of self hatred, more of a small moment of self reflection and awe that I’m okay with how I look regardless of what others think.

#chromebunny talks #personal

[chromebunny]

Me, simply vibing trying to prepare for my day

Pinterest: oh I’m sorry did you mean hardcore Sogo/Ryonosuke/Nagi MPREG porn?

#idolish7 #chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

When I was little my mom would joke “you’re so social you could make friends with people who hate you even” every time she picked me up as a little kid I would always be begging to spend time with a new friend I made that day.

I wish that had stayed true. I wish I was still likeable. I’m 25 now and tbh I’ve actually never felt so alone but I did it to myself without even realizing. Sometimes I wish I could go back.

#chromebunny talks #personal #angsty ig

[chromebunny]

Me as a teen: eats nothing but rice and alcohol, partying for days on end and feeling no consequences

Me as an adult: gets heartburn after eating a slice of plain white bread

#me #chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

i love your cosplays so much!!!🖤🖤🖤🖤 there always sooo good!!!🖤🖤 where did you learn to do makeup that well??

Ahhh your words make my heart so warm and full ! Honestly I don’t see myself as good at makeup as Ive only been doing it for a brief period of time and I find makeup tutorials to be confusing for myself personally (I’m half Japanese and half German so my eyes are a strange shape and makeup is...difficult)

I learned mostly by staring at myself too much and observing what I wanted to see in myself compared to people I idolized. I’m always down to share whatever I’ve learned even if I find my own knowledge to be confusing and specific ! So if you’d ever like to learn specifics I invite you or anybody else to message me on my IG where I’m more active ✨✨✨

#chromebunny talks #ask chromebunny

[chromebunny]

I’m a 23 year old man that strives to dress and act like a 17 year old eboy

Is this what you wanted for me, mom??

#chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

Yo wassup I’m Damien, I have a lot of self image issues and I’m makin’ more decora shit

Whatuppppp

#personal #chromebunny talks

[chromebunny]

do you have any plans to put up another cosplay picture soon? JW/hopeful

I do ✨✨Kumoricon in Portland Oregon is my next event and I’m an overachiever with four costumes in the works ✨✨🐰✨excited to shoot with some old photog faves !

#chromebunny talks #ask chromebunny

[chromebunny]

how old where you when you started cosplaying?🖤🖤🖤🖤

Hmmm...now thats a tricky one ! I first put on a cosplay either my freshman year of high school or later in my middle school years (it was Demyx from kingdom hearts and it was NOT GOOD but I did it with a friend group that brought me joy) after that I didn’t touch cosplay of any kind until I was 18-19. I started to actively pursue it for awhile and even landed a few small sponsorships and paid gigs on an account I foolishly destroyed because I was young and cocky. Then depression hit and I gained weight and stopped cosplaying for a bit. I recently picked it back up and I am currently 24 and don’t plan on stopping until I get to a place where I’m happy with my cosplay work ✨✨✨✨so it’s a bit of a convoluted answer 😂 don’t quote me on the timeline either, a lot of my life is a foggy blur sadly.

#ask chromebunny #real talk

[chromebunny]

A) is the peiceing in the bridge of your nose real? B) if so did it hurt? C) and how old where you when you got it done?

It is real ✨🖤 I used to have a secondary bridge piercing above it as well✨ I highly recommend getting it done as it was the least painful piercing I’ve ever had tbh 😂 I think I was around 18 or 19 when I got the big stab🖤🖤👌👌👌

#chromebunny talks #ask chromebunny