#comments and reblogs and kudos on ao3 are always appreciated but don't feel pressured

[meownotgood]

it felt amazing to finally see that green checkmark on ao3, to finally move the full fic to my finished folders on docs, to finally say with my whole chest that it's really completed...

I'm proud of myself and what I managed to make, I'd been working on this fic for over a year, and I felt a lot of doubts while writing. I didn't expect to write so much. I often thought I was saying too much, or the fic wasn't good enough. when I reread it, I realized it wasn't perfect, but it doesn't have to be. I wrote something that was so unabashedly me, and I'm so grateful for that feeling. I'm so happy that I can write what I enjoy, that I can be myself while doing what I have always loved the most. I learned and progressed, and I can feel only excitement for whatever I write next!!

thank you for your patience, and if you end up reading, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart 💞

I took off work tomorrow to celebrate lol (actually because I'm still sick but we're calling it a celebration). I don't know what to say next so here's some cute pictures of aki. three cheers for fic completion 🎉🎉🎉

#it's weird because #I thought after finishing this #I'd want to not write again for a very long time #but I just want to write even more tomorrow lol #insanity is real yall don't get the topknot virus #I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me! #comments and reblogs and kudos on ao3 are always appreciated but don't feel pressured #fanfic seriously changed my life for the better #at the time I picked up writing again I was in a very lost state #but since then I've been happier and happier #I've grown my writing but also grown as a person #I want to improve my writing while continuing to make the silly things I enjoy #don't know what I'm saying anymore #tomorrow I'll celebrate by eating a strawberry cake I baked with my mum #and I will give all the akis a bite too 💪💪💪💪

[danpuff-ao3]

AO3 is honestly the best. For multiple reasons but today I would like to rave about:

Site Skins.

Do I as a creator have a bad relationship with my stats? Absolutely! I've worked very hard for many years to balance how I see my work and how I feel about reception, but my mental health is an ongoing struggle and for peace of mind I've given up the fight. I can't force my brain to be less mean to me. And I definitely can't control my stats or people's reaction to my work. But what I can do is fix up my environment.

My first step was to turn off email notifications for comments. I still got my daily kudos email, but comments I'd have to go into AO3 to look at.

My next step was to implement a site skin that would block me from seeing my stats. Not just my stats, though, but stats across the board! All I've been able to view for a while now are word counts. But I don't see kudos or comment numbers or bookmark numbers or anything on works or in my stats page. Only word count!

With that in mind, I do still check periodically. I'll remove the site skin once a month to take a looksy at things. But the site skin keeps me from obsessively looking, and with only checking once a month I get a vague idea of change and I never remember the numbers well enough to get too upset. Rude bookmark comments can't be helped, but generally I brace myself for my monthly check-ins.

Most recently I've added a code to the site skin that hides my inbox completely. No more obsessively checking AO3 for comments!

That said, I do love and appreciate all of my comments. I really do! And I will respond to all of them during my monthly check in. I don't want to dissuade anyone from commenting, nor do I want to hear "you can just turn off comments", because I do want them. I just need a healthier relationship with these things and minimizing my access does wonders for my mental health! (And my self-esteem, not gonna lie.)

I even set up my gmail to move all AO3 emails to a particular folder and mark them as unread so I still have backups of my kudos emails, and I even turned email notifications for comments back on! Only now they're separate and hidden and I can take a look when I'm in the right headspace for it!

Being a creator is hard. And it's natural, I think, to get in our own heads about the numbers game, or overthink this comment or that bookmark. A little space does a world of good, I think.

It's the space I've taken the past year or two with social media. I've turned off email notifications and push notifications on all of my apps. It's done me a world of good to not expect myself to be constantly available, or to see and react to every little thing. I don't get alerts for every Tweet or reblog or like. I engage with various platforms when I'm ready for it. When I'm willing and able to jump in and take a look for myself, and jump out when I feel like it, and to not feel the constant pressure of endless connection.

The same I think will hold true for my stats. I have the very fun combination of GAD, OCD, & ADHD. I don't know which of them is being poked and prodded at any given time, or if it's all of them, but I do know that while I've made great strides, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully turn off the parts of me that worry and stress and take too much to heart. But I do have the tools available to make my life a bit easier and more peaceful.

I feel a bit silly and pathetic for talking about all of this. Like I should be morally above it all, or have a stronger will; like I should be cool and collected and unbothered. But I'm not! I care too much about what other people say and think. I care too much about my work, and some part of me will always have doubts and insecurities, and I'll always feel and think certain ways even if I know better. Even if I know that the numbers don't equal my worth, or my work's quality. I'm a human lady. I have flaws and feelings and I'm generally a mess.

But...Well, I know there are people out there like me, at least in some ways. And it might help to know there are options! And you can take it one step at a time. Hide this or that from yourself. Work on slowly stepping away from the stat obsession.

Or maybe you're not like me at all and you have the healthiest relationship to numbers known to man. In that case, it's still good to know your options because you can also use site skins for aesthetics! I'm not the person to ask about that, mind you, but it's possible!

Either way. AO3 gives us many options, be it the freedom to post all sorts of crazy content, or the freedom to control our experience, be it by hiding numbers or having a Barbie-pink site background. Either way, it's hella cool and I love AO3.

#ao3 #site skins #stats #creator struggles #writerly woes #danpuff stuff

[mazegays]

I posted 445 times in 2022

That's 42 more posts than 2021!

21 posts created (5%)

424 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@its-tea-time-darling

@thominho-incorrectquotes

@highgaydrama

@un-ah

@thomallyweek

I tagged 422 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#remember that i love queue - 135 posts

#thominho - 78 posts

#thomas - 49 posts

#tea - 37 posts

#minho - 36 posts

#thomally - 29 posts

#thomallyweek2022 - 18 posts

#nalby - 18 posts

#newt - 17 posts

#gifs - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#while it's evolved over the years the basis of the theory still comes from 14yo me there is definitely room for improvement discussion etc

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

BTW if anyone has questions about my wips (the whumpy slowburn Thominally fic and the empath Thomas fic... that's what's actually typed up. for now) or questions about like. most other things too feel free to send them! I love getting asks and talking about fics lol

9 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

#4

@its-tea-time-darling

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last ten people who reblogged something from you. Spread the positivity ✨💛🌻

okay like I have way more than five things so I'm going fandom-specific here lol

--writing collective headcanons/bouncing around ideas with my moots

--adding onto @thominho-incorrectquotes posts either in the tags or on the post itself

--literally anything that portrays Thomas as the 'gifted kid' he is: smart as all get-out with no social skills (also. adhd Thomas. bc I am adhd and so are all my fav characters. minho? gally? sonya? harriet? you bet!)

--the people on ao3 who pop up every once in a while as having kudos all of my tmr fics (even if they don't leave comments it's appreciated)

--when people come yell at me about my fics, whether here or ao3 idc just!! yell ur appreciation at me it is appreciated

10 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

#3

@its-tea-time-darling

because this 40k fic isn't getting any shorter and it's looking less and less like slowburn with each section

wtf you have a thominally wip what the fuckwhatthefuckwhathesjxbhshdsjxbdbbsdbbd

yep! it started as a way to hit as many thomally week prompts as I could in one fic, and has expanded greatly since, leading into thominally. no idea when it'll be anywhere near done, because it's not now!

11 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#2

@its-tea-time-darling

i may or may not have started on thominho week writing

yes!!! this is great news!!! i have not started on this year's yet but i literally just finished 2020's like 10 minutes ago so that counts for something right?

13 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@monkey-d-momo

I wanted to know what you liked so much about my empath Thomas headcanon and if you're gonna publish your fic soon (no pressure or course, but like you, I really like this headcanon and I need more of it haha) Love you!

-thominho-incorrectquotes

okay, so you know when you read a prompt or smth and immediately have Ideas™️? That's what happened. I read your headcanons and was like: I need 500 fics about this immediately, and I have Ideas for one so I will write it myself.

Also, it's a different take on Thomas’s character, especially because we all see him as oblivious to, well, everything. Empath Thomas can be oblivious, but it has to be done differently, because he knows what people are feeling--he feels it himself. So maybe he doesn't trust his own emotions now, because while sometimes it's easy to tell that it's not his, he can’t always do that. Especially when they're very similar to what he's feeling. Hence Thomas sticking with logic and objectivity when he can, when he has time to think things through. He ignores everything he feels because he doesn't know what's his.

(This is not a good idea, Thomas.) He also doesn't talk to anyone about this in true Thomas fashion of questioning everything that's not personal, so as far as he knows, it's normal.

Minho eventually figures out that Thomas never seems to respond emotionally to anything, and they're a bunch of teenage boys stuck in a Maze. Like, emotional outbursts aren't super common but he’s never met someone who just... doesn't respond to anything. Ben's attack? Yeah, Thomas was scared, but then Ben was probably scared too (Thomas knows the anger didn't come from him.) So he hides his reactions as best he can and pretends they don't exist.

Minho figures out that Thomas can feel everything, and has no defense against it, when something happens to Thomas and Thomas, mostly out of it, tells Minho to stop worrying because it hurts.

(Thomas does not remember this, but part of the reason he sticks to the Deadheads to sleep here is because some of the Gladers have nightmares, which equals strong emotion, which overwhelms him and causes him physical pain.)

And so Minho starts trying to figure out how Thomas can block or mute others' emotions and help him trust his own again, but it’s a slow process, and then the Scorch happens and Denver happens and they don’t have time, and it turns out that Thomas has just been shoving everything behind mental shields and it's too much one day and well... that's definitely not a good thing.

This got a little long! I kind of focused on the whumpier side here but there is fluff that goes with it (and a definite happy ending).

As for the fic, the above is kind of where I'm planning on taking the longer version. The shorter verison, which will only be Fever Code Era, involves Minho figuring it out on his own and working to help Thomas. Then he gets sent to the Maze, and of course later Thomas does as well, which means all progress is reset re: managing empathic abilities. That will hopefully be done sometime next week, but my work schedule is still up in the air so no promises.

Thanks so much for the ask, Momo! 💜 Really hope I do this justice.

19 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my top post having. 19 notes : (

[itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare]

have you considered commenting <3

this is a short rant, so feel free to ignore. It's not directly aimed at you, I just thought of it after I read that tag...

I love commenting on fics, that's the main reason I made an Ao3 account, so I can let authors know I love their work. And it was going great for a while, but right now I'm mentally drained and I still want to leave comments, but at the same time I feel bad about just leaving one word comments when I used to leave at least 5 sentences, so I don't leave any comment because I feel this pressure to comment the best comment ever (tm) even though I know it's not what anyone is expecting. Heck, I write myself and I'd be happy to receive just an emoji as a comment.

But especially with a series where I've been commenting at every chapter I feel like I'd let the down by not putting in more effort to comment, especially if they might recognise me as a regular commentar and suddenly I'm not leaving long elaborate comments. I don't want authors to worry that I didn't like a chapter, when I loved it, I just don't have the word at the moment...

hi!! thank you for wording this the way you did, because i've been having a lot of thoughts about comments on fics lately and you're giving me the excuse to express them <3

first of all, if you've ever commented on anything, know that you're appreciated. i know that it's hard sometimes. for the first couple of years of me using ao3, i barely commented on anything, even though i knew how important comments are. i knew, and i still didn't do much more than leave a kudo, and that's on me. i can only hope those authors got the appreciation they deserve from someone else.

because here's the thing; most of us are doing this for the love of writing, for the love of these characters of whichever fandom is the drug of your choosing, and for the love of sharing. and as someone who's been writing an underperforming series for the past five months, let me tell you that it sucks to write and be passionate and share and receive fuck-all in return. it really sucks. and it's not about the number of interactions or about the analytical quality of the comments or whatever. it's the fact that a lot of the time, once a week or two have passed, we get absolutely nothing. writing gets lost in the tags or buried between more popular fics, and sometimes it feels like an endless uphill battle.

i'm not saying that to complain, i'm just saying that this is hard, sometimes. it's a wonderful hobby and i love it, but it's difficult.

lately, i haven't been writing a lot and i haven't been reading a lot, and if i do read, i mostly do it here, on tumblr. i've always felt there's a certain seriousness about the comments on ao3, even though i'm not sure why. we're all regularly going batshit on tumblr though, and sometimes you just need to reply with a meme of a crying cat, you know? so if your reading tastes can be accomodated on here—because a lot of writers actually cross-post their stuff between platforms—maybe that could be helpful.

but, GOD, let me speak on behalf of every writer i've ever known. i would KILL, and i mean positively MURDER for you if you just left me a single emoji on every chapter or fic you enjoyed. i really mean that. i don't need anything more. you don't need to have smart thoughts or elaborate explanations of why you liked something or didn't. of course those things are appreciated but for the love of god they are not expected. the only thing, and i mean the ONLY thing we want is to know that people read our stuff. and we can't know that if you don't tell us. there's no way of knowing.

i don't look at the likes on my fics. i can't do that to myself anymore, and so those people don't exist for me. that might sound harsh, but the only way for me to keep my sanity is to focus on the few who do comment. who do reblog. who do send asks.

if you're a regular commenter, i will notice. i will not mind if your comment is a single character, or illegible gibberish, or a one page essay, or a line of exclamation marks, or three memes in a trenchcoat. i've gotten intelligent analyses and i've gotten reviews that were just quotes that the readers particularly enjoyed and i've gotten a simple "this was great". all of these are appreciated. all of these are craved.

we're already living in the worst timeline, let's not put unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

and if you want a practical solution for your commenting paralysis, i've found this post indispensable.

#nika's answers #anon #but fandoms

[frenchibi]

Hi! Okay so obviously this isn’t an ask or a request but basically I just wanted to let you know I’m a fan. I saw that you were upset with how little feedback you were getting so I was looking for a way to contact you. I don't have an ao3 account so I can’t comment anything, and I can’t get one yet because I’m still 15 (the limit is 13 but the TOS were complicated and I didn’t wanna risk anything). In any case, your writing is AMAZING. I love it sm I’m obsessed. You’re so talented <3

Oh, hello!!

This is such a sweet message, thank you for sending it! I’m very happy that you enjoy my writing - but also, this message made me realize I have something to say, so I hope you’ll forgive me for hijacking it a little to make a slightly different point.

You probably read one of my older fics before sending this message - I had a habit of complaining in the notes about the amount of comments I got. Or maybe you saw that one post that I wrote a few years ago, specifically about the Haikyuu fandom and about being angry...? It goes around from time to time and has never really stopped getting notes.

I still feel, generally, that fic writers deserve more responses and interaction for the effort they put in, but my stance on how to go about saying this has changed somewhat since I last talked about this. Looking back at some of the author’s notes for my fics and that post I wrote, they feel very... whiny and entitled, to be honest.

Yes, fic writers invest a lot of time and effort into the works they create, and the fact that they share them for free is amazing, so I feel like “expecting” the people who enjoy their writing to at least let them know that they do is... more or less justified, and a writer being disappointed and frustrated when engagement with their writing is rather low is understandable (especially on tumblr, a place that is notoriously difficult for writers). However, I don’t like the kind of... culture of pressure that has resulted from this (and that my post helped enforce), and the way it “guilts” people into commenting.

We’re all part of fandom because we want to be here, right? We enjoy the same media and we want to talk about it, want to exchange headcanons and story ideas and concepts and fanart. And we want to engage with the stuff other people create - at least that’s how I, personally, feel about it. So when I see something someone made that strikes a chord with me, I WANT to let them know, and so it feels natural to me to like, reblog, leave kudos and comment. And because that’s how I feel, that’s how I expect other people to feel, too. So when I get very little response to something I post, it disappoints me - was my newest fic not up to my usual standard? Are the people who follow me not interested in this fandom anymore? And so on.

I can acknowledge that not everyone interacts with fandom in the same way I do, though. When I wrote that post about being angry - I was, well, angry. A lot of my frustration had piled up and I wrote that post as an outlet, and the people who responded in the notes (overwhelmingly other writers who said things to the effect of “thank you for voicing what we were all thinking”) validated this anger.

I’m... not good at being angry. It doesn’t last very long. In the end, my love for writing and for fandom in general outweighed my anger - and so I’m still here, and I’m probably not going to stop creating fanworks any time soon. I have also expanded to other fandoms (other than Haikyuu) and that has helped me immensely - I needed to get away from the box I put myself in. That doesn’t mean I don’t like Haikyuu anymore! It just means that writing only in one fandom no longer brought me the joy that it used to (and maybe a lack of responses contributed to this, but it wasn’t the only reason. This was a decision that I made for me, and no amount of comments from readers would have changed my mind).

I’m still writing, and all the fics I wrote are still up. I still read and respond to every comment, and every time someone new stumbles upon my ao3 or my tumblr writing tag and starts reading my works - I see you, I appreciate you, I am so happy that you’re here and that you’re enjoying my writing. And if you choose to “only” like five posts in a row without reblogging a single one - well, that just means you missed the chance to have a conversation with me, I guess. But I’m not mad - you do you, and have the fandom experience that works best for you. We’re all friends here, as far as I’m concerned!

All this to say, anon - you have absolutely no obligation to go to such extreme lengths to let a writer know that you like their work. What you said about not having an ao3 account - you ABSOLUTELY don’t have to sign up for one just to leave comments because writers are asking for them. Also, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you’re 15 and it’s not your job to make a 20+ year old writer feel better about themselves. It was incredibly kind of you to send this message, but it did surprise me a little bit - I tend to always assume (as one does) that the people I interact with are around the same age as I am - but I’m glad that it surprised me, because it reminded me that what I post is seen by everyone who follows me, not just my immediate peers. When I posted about being angry, it was directed and people “like me”, in similar situations, in similar age groups, and I didn’t even stop to think who else might read my post. Which is incredibly irresponsible, actually.

I am aware many people in fandom spaces are minors and I say this for you especially: You don’t owe anyone ANYTHING, least of all should you feel obligated to go out of your way to contact writers who feel “neglected” by their readers to make them feel better. Their emotional state is not your responsibility. I’m grateful for your very sweet message, but I’m also sorry that you felt you had to send it. It is not your job to make sure I feel appreciated. It’s on ME to find a way to interact with fandom spaces that works for me. That’s no one’s responsibility but my own, and it was not fair of me to make a post that basically demanded more interaction “or else I’ll stop posting”. It was years ago, and I don’t feel that way anymore, but I can’t stop people from still reblogging it.

Yes, every single comment or ask or reblog matters and makes me happy - but I hate that I made you feel like you had to reach out to me and tell me that my work is appreciated when you weren’t otherwise going to do so (and that you considered making an ao3 account just for this purpose! No!! Don’t do that!! You’re RIGHT, the TOS are complicated and you shouldn’t sign up for anything without thinking it through properly!).

Tl;dr: Thank you, anon. I’m fine, and even if I wasn’t, it would not be on you to change that. You’re a very sweet person, and I apologize for using your ask to go off on this tangent, but I felt it was important to say.