#dad demetri is just too addictive

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Twilight Miscellaneous Covens Master Post

The Denali

The Denali Sleep with Humans Because There’s Something Wrong with Them

Eleazar is a Useless Douchebag

The Denali Are Those Loser Friends You’re Stuck with Who Don’t Like You Either

Eleazar Says the Darndest Things

Kate and Her Gift

Anon Reminds Me That the Denali Discovered Vegetarianism on Their Own (Though Likely Also in the 17th Century)

The Denali Think They’re Awesome at Keeping the Secret (They’re Not)

Why Did Sasha Create an Immortal Child?

Thoughts on the Denali-Cullen Cover Story

The Denali Have Had Sex with Vampire Men, They Just Prefer Humans

Did Tanya Actually Want to Have Sex with Edward?

Did Eleazar and Afton Like Each Other?

Were the Denali Spies for Volterra?

How Could Irina Love a Trash Bag Like Laurent? (Irina Herself Isn’t Too Moral Either, Anon)

How Can the Denali Afford a House?

How Would Eleazar React to Castration? (Yes, Someone Seriously Asked This)

How Did the Denali Even Know Laurent Was Killed by the Shapeshifters?

Did Eleazar Ever Have Sex with Kate, Irina, and Tanya?

Are the Denali in on the Edward Speed Debacle?

What if the Denali Became CreepyPasta?

How Would Eleazar React to Someone with the Same Gift as Him?

Porn, Written, Directed, and Starring Eleazar

Could the Denali Practice Informed Consent within Volturi Law?

If the Denali Stopped Taking Lovers, Would They Leave the Diet?

What Would Eleazar’s Wedding Look Like?

Thoughts on Carmen by @smallcatwoman

Eleazar Might Not Be as Bad as I Make Him Look

Do They Make Love to the Ladies?

Would Sasha Have Turned Jasper Because He’s Blonde?

Garrett

Thoughts on Garrett’s Speech

Could Alistair and Garrett Be Friends?

James, Victoria, and Laurent

Laurent Isn’t Even Worth Vengeance

The Gift I Thought Riley Had (And No, Turns Out, The Cullens and Wolves Are That Uncoordinated)

Do Victoria and Maria Have the Greatest Control?

Does Riley Have the Greatest Control?

Would Bree Have Done the Animal Diet Had She Survived?

Would James Have Gone After Alice in 2005 Had Bella Not Been at the Game?

Victoria’s Upbringing and a Brief Look at England’s History

Comparing Riley and Bella

A Lot of Questions About Bree where Asker Really Wants Her to Live

Thoughts on Riley

What’s Up with Fred’s Gift?

Thoughts on Laurent

Could James and Victoria Have Defeated the Cullens?

Death Was Always Coming for James, or James is a Gambling Addict

James Isn’t About the Scent So Much as Pissing People Off

What Are Their Favorite Months?

Why Did Laurent Join Them Anyway?

The Romanians

The Romanians: My Favorite Sleaze Vampires

I Don’t Thinks There’s Significance to How the Romanians Address the Volturi

Some More Thoughts on the Romanians (They Think Amun is a Loser)

How Do You Tell Which is Stefan and Which Is Vladimir? You Don’t and It Makes No Difference

The Romanians’ Prophecy in Breaking Dawn

Y/N and Vladimir’s Love Affair

Why Do the Romanians Hate on Petrification?

Joham and His Children

Joham is a Serial Rapist (Not Even a Hot Take, Just Restating Canon)

What Do I Think Joham’s Up to After Canon? (Raping His Daughters)

Did Nahuel Eat His Mother?! (Probably)

Why Did Nahuel Go to the Trial Anyway? (Somebody Needs to Get Rid of Dad)

The Egyptians

On Demetri’s Defection to the Volturi

Will Benjamin Leave After Breaking Dawn? (Probably Not)

How Did Amun Realize Demetri Was Gifted?

Why Kebi and Amun Aren’t Getting a Third Lover

Thoughts on Benjamin

Is Benjamin Immortal?

Is Amun Grooming Benjamin? (Jury’s Out)

Wait, Wasn’t it a Big Problem for Benjamin to Show Up in Breaking Dawn? (Yes, Yes it Was)

What’s Up with Amun Finding Gifted Vampires?

Maria and the Southern Wars

Maria Doesn’t Have a Gift, Jasper Does

Do Victoria and Maria Have the Greatest Control?

Peter and Charlotte

Did Peter and Charlotte Ever Try the Diet?

The Irish

Does Maggie Know Local or Global Falsehood?

Is it True Siobhan Doesn’t Care About Maggie? (No)

Alistair

Could Alistair and Garrett Be Friends?

General

Who Makes Hybrids Post Breaking Dawn?

Could Edward, Garrett, and Jasper Be the Volturi?

Which Coven is Likely to Make an Immortal Child?

Which Coven Can Land a Plane?

#twilight #meta #masterpost #the denali #james #laurent #victoria #the romanians #joham #the egyptians #maria #bree tanner

[miseryff]

16. Boyfriend

[ Chris ]

“You sure this is the address, man?” I asked my private investigator friend, Daryl, as I looked over at the decent sized home. I told Daryl to just text the address to my phone but he insisted on coming along with me in case shit hit the fan. His words not mine. “That’s the address, mane. The cell signals pinned Paris’ location to this house. Plus, when I hacked into the street cams it showed Paris getting out of that car,” he pointed to the clean, black, BMW sitting in the driveway.

Who the fuck did Paris know in Houston, Texas?

“Aight, stay right here. I wont be long.” I adjusted the NY baseball cap on my head before hopping out of my rental car. I noticed there were two cars sitting in the driveway. The black BMW and then this white Range Rover. The motherfuckers who lived here had money, that much was clear. I rang the doorbell and then looked back at the car. Daryl was now outside the car and leaning up against the hood. I shook my head. Could this look anymore like a cop? God damn.

Maybe a minute passed before the locks on the front door were being tampered with, and I was standing face to face with this brown skinned chick. She looked to be Paris’ age. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Is Paris here?” Her face twisted up in disgust, and she scoffed before mumbling some shit. She walked away from the door and I just stood there awkward as fuck. Should I walk in? Who the fuck leaves their front door open with a random standing on the other side? This chick obviously lacked common sense. Paris came walking up to the door and her facial expression must have changed three times in the past five seconds.

“Dad? What the fuck--”

“Why you here, P? What happened to rehab in Brooklyn?” I chuckled as I watched her turn red in the face. I was the one who was justified to be irritated if anything. Shawty really had me and her moms fooled that she was getting her shit together and ditching this nasty ass addiction she picked up. Rehab my ass.

“I lied about that shit. You and mom were on my dick and not tryna have me leave for the weekend so I--”

“So you what, Paris? You made up some bullshit lie and took a flight out here anyways? Who the fuck do you think you are?” I didn’t realize that my volume had gone up until Paris pushed me off the doorstep and closed the door behind her. “Dad, I--”

“Naw, I don’t wanna hear shit you gotta say. Go get ya shit so that we could bounce. A friend of mine is flying out later and said that we could catch a flight on his jet.”

“I’m not leaving until Sunday, dad. Can we do this shit when I get back to NY? Cause I’m really having a good time here and I don’t need you fucking it up. Matter fact, how did you even find me?”

“I got connections.” She sent me the ‘really, nigga’ face before looking behind me and at Daryl. “You really had your cop friends track me down? It was never that serious.” She rolled her eyes and then went to walk back up to the house but I grabbed her elbow. “Unless you going into that house to get your shit, I suggest you get in the car.”

She snatched her arm back from me and then closed her eyes. I watched as she took in and released several breaths. When she opened her eyes again I was surprised to see a smile on her lips. “I’m here spending the weekend with my boyfriend, dad. His name is Derrick and if you’d like to meet him he’s inside.”

“Boyfriend?”

I sized the lil nigga up as I watched him hold my daughters hand. I already pressed him on his background, past, and current occupation. I may have even sent Darly a text with his name and asked him to do a quick profile purge. I ain’t know this lil nigga from nowhere so I wasn’t putting anything past him. “And where did yall two meet?”

“We met that night that I needed you, and I was calling your phone down like crazy but you wouldn’t pick up. You remember that?” Paris’ attitude was not needed right now. But I ignored that shit as I waited for Darly to hit me back and tell me about the skeletons this lil nigga had in his closet. I know Paris and I know she has a type. This nigga had to be a drug dealer-- ain’t no way he got this nice ass house and that fire ass car from running no sneaker store. Fuckkkdatshit.

“I know you probably skeptical of me being with your daughter, Mr. Brown. But you really don’t got shit to worry bout. Paris is good with me, and she’s only here until Sunday, anyways. Then we flying back out to NY.”

“What you mean we flying back out to NY? Don’t you live out here?”

“I do live here in Houston, but I’m currently spending the summer in the Hampton's with my aunt and cousin.” I nodded coolly, and then went to respond but my phone started vibrating. “Excuse me.” I stood from my seat on the couch and went out into the hallway. “What you found?”

“He’s clean, man. His pops used to own a sneaker spot down on 24th Street until lil homie took over for his pops. He opened up another store last year too. They got some fire ass kicks up in there. I copped the 12s--”

“Aight, man... good looking. I’ll be out soon... start the car.” I sighed as I walked back into the living room. I came back just in time to see Paris tonguing down the lil nigga. Clearing my throat, they quickly parted ways. I watched as Paris wiped the side of his mouth with her hand. “Aight, Paris... chill...” I chuckled as I watched the man push Paris’ hand from his face. She was really pampering him like he was a baby or some shit.

“Come here, P...” I fanned her over as I kept my feet planted in my spot. I was about to be up out this bitch. “If you think that I’m flying back with you then--”

“You ain’t gotta fly back with me. I ain’t wanna have to do this trip out here, Paris, but you can’t be doing shit like that. Can’t you see how unnecessary that lie was that you made up? You deadass booked a weekend at a rehab center... how much that shit cost anyways?”

“Check your account statement and you--”

“No the fuck you didn't...” I pulled her into a hug as her laughs started to grow in volume. “Don’t pull no shit like this ever again, Paris. I keep telling you that you not too old to get that ass tapped.”

“Whenever you ready, old man. You know my hands work.” I was the one to laugh this time as I watched her lil ass struggle to hit me in the face. Her hands ain’t even make it up to my chin. It was sad. “Aye, lemme talk to you outside real quick.” I called to the Dre nigga, or Demetri... shit I forgot his name.

“Don’t press him, dad. He’s real good to me.” I only pushed Paris’ lil body out the way as the grown men started to walked outside. I waited until he pulled the door behind him to speak. “On the real, you bout five years older than my daughter. I don’t want you fucking with her head. Cause I’m pretty sure you could see that she don’t got all her marbles there already.” I joked before putting back on the parental glare.

“That’s not my intentions with Paris. We’re still getting to know each other so shit is moving pretty slow. I’m not trying to rush into anything and neither is Paris. We just chilling right now.” I chuckled. I was a nigga so I knew exactly what we just chilling meant.

“All I’m saying is if you get my daughter pregnant or hurt her in anyway, you not gonna be able to leave NY and make it back to this nice ass house of yours. Don’t make it come to that, aight?” I held a hand out to him. He didn’t hesitate to dap me up. “I got you, and I understand where you coming from. I hope that in the future when things get more serious with Paris and I, that me and you can sit down and have this conversation.. you know, under different conditions”. I nodded before looking back at the rental car. “Aight, Demetri, tell Paris that I’ll see her on Sunday.” I started to walk off to the car.

“I got you, and the name’s Derrick!”

[Paris]

“I mean if you was tryna be my girl all you had to do was ask.” I rolled my eyes at Derrick. He’s been on my dick about me introducing him to my dad as my boyfriend, all night. My pops literally been gone for like three hours and Derrick was still clowning me for the boyfriend comment. “Don’t nobody wanna be ya girl, hun. You wouldn’t even know what to do with a bitch like me.” I was the one to wear the smirk this time as I watched him suck his teeth.

“Nah, you wouldn’t know what to do with a nigga like me. I’d have ya ass all types of crazy.”

“Oh, so you drive bitches crazy? That’s the type of timing you on?” I teased as I positioned my body on top of his. Looking down into his brown orbs, I got lost for a second. He was so fucking fine and all I wanted to do was split on this dick. But my cockblocking ass period decided to show up a few hours before my pops came to the house. I was pissed.

“You heard me, lil girl?”

“Nah, what you said? And don’t call me a lil girl.” I leaned down until my face was directly in front of his. For some reason I wanted to kiss his cheek, so I did just that before pressing my lips to his full ones. “Ima call you whatever the fuck I please. How many times I’m gonn tell you that, baby?”

“I’m baby now?”I licked over my lips before pressing them to his again. He was the one to deepen the kiss by sliding his tongue into my mouth. I moaned into his mouth once I felt him grip on my ass. “You think I just take any random chick to my house? Nevertheless, a chick that I met only three weeks ago? Damn right, you my baby. My lil baby that don’t listen.” I cheesed when he brushed a hand over my cheek.

“I only listen when you hitting it right. Too bad my period wanted to be a fuckboy and ruin shit.” I pouted as I sat up straight. “Why you pouting? I can always fuck ya shit up in the week. I ain’t even tripping.” When he shrugged is when I fell out laughing. Of course he wasn’t tripping, It’s not like he was the one who had to go through the period pains that was; cramps, bloating, cravings, and mood-swings. Sometimes I wish I was a nigga.

“You got any jet black hair dye?”

“Now why the fuck would I have jet black hair dye, lil girl?”

“Umm, maybe because I know your hair isn’t naturally blonde with ya wanna be Odell Beckham ass. So, do you have jet black hair dye or nah?” He smacked his lips before sitting up right and leaning against the headboard. “You gonn stop saying I wanna be that nigga. Ain’t nobody tyna look like him. But go and ask my sister... she should have all that shit in her room.” I was the one to smack my lips this time.

“Can you go ask--”

“Am I the one who needs it? Naw. And bring me a bottle of water when you coming back too.” He easily dismissed me and then went to grab the controller off his nightstand. “Broke down OBJ...” I grumbled as I sped out of the bedroom. “Yeah, you better run!”

[funnythingshere0-blog]

100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners that will have you laughing in seconds

New Post has been published on http://funnythingshere.xyz/100-of-the-funniest-short-jokes-and-one-liners-that-will-have-you-laughing-in-seconds/

100 of the funniest short jokes and one-liners that will have you laughing in seconds

Sometimes you just want to make somebody laugh.

Whether it’s the swift one-liners of Tim Vine or Milton Jones, or a more traditionally structured joke, these quick-fire quips will have your friends rolling around on the floor.

Here are 100 guaranteed to get a quick laugh:

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.” – Tim Vine

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay – it’s in my jeans.

“The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin

“Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I was involved in very organised crime.” – Milton Jones

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.” – Tim Vine

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

“I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.” – Tommy Cooper

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’” – Tim Vine

“I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.” – Ken Dodd

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’” – Tim Vine

“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.’” – Tim Vine

“Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note, it said ‘Parking Fine.’” – Tim Vine

(Photo: Shutterstock)

I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.” – Tom Ward

How does NASA organise a party? They planet.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

“My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape. I choose round.” – Sarah Millican

“My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.” – Milton Jones

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

“I told the Inland Revenue I don’t owe them a penny. I live by the seaside.” – Ken Dodd

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

“I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” – Nick Helm

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

“Toughest job I ever had? Selling doors, door-to-door.” – Bill Bailey

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

(Photo: Shutterstock)

“Looking at my face is like reading in the car. It’s all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick.” – Andrew Lawrence

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said “Don’t mention it.”

“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.” – Matt Kirshen

Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.

“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” – Tim Vine

“A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” – Peter Kay

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

“I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.’” – Tim Vine

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. It never really took off.” – Milton Jones

“Recently I went on a ballooning holiday – I put on four stone!” – Milton Jones

I hate Russian dolls… so full of themselves!

“Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ The other replied:‘Put some cold in then.” – Harry Hill

My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”

“You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.” – Milton Jones

“Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?” – Dan Antolpolski

(Photo: BBC)

“The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got hay fever.” – Milton Jones

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “We don’t serve your type!” shouts the barman.

“Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.” – Tim Vine

“My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements. One day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.” – Milton Jones

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.

I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

“I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.” – Milton Jones

Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?”

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.

(Photo: Shutterstock)

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.

Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.

“Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.” – Tim Vine

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.

“My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He’s a catholic converter.” – Tim Vine

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

“I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.’” – Tim Vine

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? “Aye matey.”

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.

Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, “Weeoouhh.” The next whale says, “Shut up, Steve. You’re drunk.”

(Photo: Shutterstock)

Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.

What’s E.T. short for? He’s only got little legs.

Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up.

My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from London Zoo.

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.

What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!

“Exit signs? They’re on the way out!” – Tim Vine

There’s no “I” in Denial.

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly.

A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

(Photo: Shutterstock)

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? Then it hit me.

“Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not…” – Milton Jones

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”

I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle!

More jokes:

31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) 41 of Bill Bailey’s most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners 25 hilarious dad jokes you’ve probably never heard before 40 of the funniest jokes about Brexit 25 of Spike Milligan’s greatest gags 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

…and some quotes:

64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life 100 of Homer Simpson’s greatest quotes 50 of Terry Wogan and Graham Norton’s most scathing Eurovision quotes 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country 50 of the funniest (and most puerile) quotes from The Inbetweeners 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes 20 of Malcolm Tucker’s most cutting insults 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes