#doesnt mean every bi person is just secretly either gay or straight

[mega-queerdrill]

did you recently change your url/icon?? i know i recognize ur bio but i can’t for the life of me remember 💀

Url is the same its always been, thatmemeingfish, but I realized I'm a lesbian and not bi, so I had to swap that good old bi flag Charlotte from Madoka Magica icon for something new and accurate, also deciding to include genderqueer, which isnt as new for me but I haven't had anything really anywhere advertising that.

That said, I will still defend bi/pan/omni people with a giant hammer, and frankly people with any queer label, including seemingly contradictory or "bad" labels. Queer discourse will break apart our community and assuming the worst about someone's gender/sexual label is a quick way to let those who hate us win. Don't tolerate bigots but don't become one just because you equate an entire gender/sexual identity with a some form of bigotry/seemingly personal slight. Exclusionism is reactionary, don't be reactionary. Equating an entire queer identity with bigots who try and claim that identity for their movement is why I for years wouldn't allow myself to think about whether or not I really had any true attraction to men and could only think about the rampant terfs, bi/pan/omniphobes and other bigots I personally had contact with in the lesbian community, which only harmed me in the long run. Bisexuals, bi lesbians, aspec people, trans people, polyam people, neopronouns, xenogenders and anything else I'm missing will never be the problem. The real problem lies with terfs, men who chase women who for any reason are not interested, people cheating on their partners and any others who ever use queer language to hide behind and excuse bad behavior and bigotry. They are the issue, never the identities or people who have those identities.

Anyways Beedrill is my favorite pokemon, I'm a genderqueer butch lesbian, fuck yeah new icon.

#lmao sorry this turned into a rant #but this has been on my mind a lot after my realization #and I've been meaning to out my thoughts into words #also just because i used to identify as bi #doesnt mean every bi person is just secretly either gay or straight #get the fuck outta here with that #bisexuals i will defend you with my life #queer people i will defend you with my life #also sorry if this is worded badly my blood is being evil and im waiting for the meds to cool it down

[communistsans]

Bi/pan lesbian is not a term you should use.

Let me be clear, I think the experience you're describing is real, but the term is offensive to bi, pan, and lesbian people. Bi, pan, and lesbian are separate sexualities. They cannot be put together because they are directly contradictory. And before you say "what about x sexuality and ace," that is different, because the terms bi, straight, pan, lesbian, and gay all define the romantic and sexual parts of attraction. Ace only describes a lack of sexual attraction, leaving the question of who they are romantically attracted to. So if someone says they are ace and bi, it works because from that you know that they are attracted to women/men, but only romantically. You wouldn't say, "I'm aromantic, asexual, and bi," because all those things overlap. You can't be attracted to no one romantically or sexually AND be attracted to men/women. Lesbian describes a sexuality that means women/fem aligned people who are EXCLUSIVELY attracted (romantically and/or sexually) to women/fem aligned people. Bisexual describes a sexuality that means someone attracted (romantically and/or sexually) to 2 or more genders. Pansexual describes a sexuality that means someone attracted to others (romantically and/or sexually) regardless of their sex/gender.

So that's why the term is nonsensical, but why is it offensive to lesbians and bisexuals/pansexuals? I'm bi woman, so take my lesbian commetary with a grain of salt.

I believe every sexuality has a bit of wiggle room, and also that that doesn't mean that a person can't use the term gay/lesbian. I don't think a straight man being attracted to one guy makes him gay/bi, I don't think being a lesbian and being attracted to one guy makes her bi/straight. I'm bisexual and people often ask me if they are bi because they are attracted to x obviously attracitve celebrity, and the answer is usually no. It takes more than being attracted to a couple of people of the opposite sex to be bi/pansexual. What makes you bi/pan is being able to be genuinely attracted to, date, fall in love with, and be intimate with people of the same and different sexes/genders. I think straight and gay people alike can have genuine attractions that do not align with their sexuality and still be that sexuality. However the key here is that those are exceptions. When 99% of your experiences are exclusive to one gender then yes, you are gay/lesbian. I don't think that genuinely liking your high school boyfriend because he was a sweet guy and you hadn't figured yourself out yet makes you not a lesbian. And I think to say that it does is also lesbophobic. Just to get the whole "sexuality is fluid" out of the way.

Relationships between women are so often devalued, and lesbians often suffer from people erasing their sexualities, or people assuming that somehow they must be attracted to men in some way. This is a fucked up and lesbophobic way of thinking, and it's stupid that they have to deal with that. Lesbians shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of personal experiences for fear of having their sexuality questioned/invalidated. Politically speaking, it is critical for lesbians to ensure the term lesbian means a sexuality of women exclusively being attracted to women, please do not interfere with this term. It is important to their communities that it stays that way. However I know what is politically convenient isn't always what is personally true. On a personal note, I think the distinction should be this: if you HAVE BEEN attracted to a couple of men in your life but could never see yourself being with a man and being happy, and can easily say that 95% or more of your attraction has been exclusively to women, you are a lesbian. If you ARE attracted to men and could see yourself being happy in a relationship with a man, you are bisexual or pansexual. As a bisexual person, I don't experience or see my attraction to either men or women as exceptions, they are both natural and part of my sexuality. I also want to note that it is unfair and lesbophobic to assume that because someone has liked one guy in their life it somehow discredits the rest of their experiences, especially when we dont hold gay men to the same standard. In fact, its usually the opposite! If a straight man has one experience with another guy everyone assumes he must be gay/bi, even though he has only ever been attracted to women. Ultimately, if someone says they are a lesbian, they like women and just women. End of story. Yes there could be different personal anecdotes, but lesbians are attracted to women alone. To say otherwise is lesbophobic. If you are attracted to men, you aren't a lesbian.

Implying that lesbians are attracted to men is lesbophobic, so why is the term "bi lesbian" also biphobic? Well because in addition to erasing the meaning of lesbian, it also erases the meaning of bi. Bisexuals are often believed to secretly be straight or gay. We are not gay or straight, we're bi. I get the term is trying to say that you have a strong preference for women; many bisexuals have a preference, however you are still bi. If this "preference" is that strong to the point where you basically are near exclusively attracted to women, then you are probably a lesbian. You are either a bi person with a preference for women, or you are a lesbian. You cannot be both bi and a lesbian. Substitute bi for pan here and the commentary is the same.

I've also seen people who say they call themselves bi/pan lesbians because they are attracted to women and also to nonbinary people. And okay, I see where you're coming from here, but that doesnt mean the term isn't offensive. Gender non-conforming and nonbinary lesbians are a thing and I'm not about to police nb lesbians; they have always existed and been important parts of the lesbian community. But if the only nb people you find yourself being attracted to are nb lesbians and other fem aligned people, you're still a lesbian. If you aren't comfortable with that because it erases some peoples identity, then use bi/pan, because those are the terms to describe attraction to 2 or more genders. Or use queer! I knew a couple in college who were a lesbian couple until one of them came out as trans masc. To not invalidate them, their partner said they were queer instead of lesbian.

Another person I have seen using this term is women who are basically bi/pan or even straight who for whatever reason have stopped dating men permanently, despite being attracted to them, and this actually has some historical precedent. During 2nd wave feminism these women called themselves "political lesbians," giving up dating men in order to free themselves from misogyny. If this is your experience, do what you want, but again, the term bi/pan lesbian is harmful to lesbians and bi/pansexuals and please call yourself something else. I think it's fine to call yourself a lesbian or gay for convenience sake if you really do never plan on dating men again. Please just understand that the lesbian/bi/pan communities need to have the integrity of these terms for political reasons. Lesbian is not an umbrella term the way gay or queer is. On a personal level, yes there is wiggle room, but on political level these terms need to have definitions.

Ultimately if you identify as a bi/pan lesbian, please stop using that term. It's problematic for lesbian, bi, and pan communities and frankly makes no sense. If you want a fluid term, you can always just say "queer" or "queer with a preference for women." Normally I don't care about what people identify as and I against gatekeeping, because in the end it doesn't hurt anyone. But this isn't about gatekeeping. The term bi lesbian is harmful, which is why I'm asking anyone defending that term to please reconsider. If you identify with this term, I'm not sending hate your way and I'm not trying to invalidate you. I'm just saying this term is harmful and there are plenty of other non problematic ways to describe your sexuality, like wlw, nblw, sapphic, or queer.

If I got something wrong here please tell me! I just think there is a lot of really hateful debate going on here and it's extremely unnecessary. But my final stance is that the term bi lesbian/pan lesbian is offensive, biphobic, and especially lesbophobic, and we should do better by the lesbian community, who are constantly being erased.

#bi lesbian #pan lesbian #lgbtq discourse #discourse

[pitchblackveins]

im gonna add my two cents that absolutely no one is looking for mostly just because i want to type it out to think it through––here’s the thing––i have always hoped that taylor was queer! i hope all my favs are queer because i am bi and it makes me feel closer to them. ive always thought it would be amazing if taylor shared with us that she was queer. but i have not dwelled on it or obsessed over it because it would just end up being extremely frustrating––because i believe her about the relationships she has chosen to share with us, which have all been with men, and because when she said, explicitly, when talking about hayley kiyoko, that she had never experienced homophobia, i took that to mean that she was straight, because every single queer person, closeted or not, has experienced homophobia; if she didn’t feel comfortable coming out yet, that literally is experiencing homophobia, and so i pretty much let go of my hopes, because i can’t imagine a world where someone who has exclusively dated men (that we know of), who has always stressed how important it is to her to be your most authentic self, who says she has never experienced homophobia, to also be a person who was leading a queer double life. and i know she has always been a strong ally, but also a lot of her close friends are queer, so it always made sense to me that it would be a cause she cared a lot about. 

but i also see all the gay shit going on in the ts7 era! because im not blind! and so i have started to hope again––but i still don’t think she was secretly dating women all these years and lying to us and the world about all of her relationships, because thats not who she is. but my theory, my hope for her, is that i think maybe she has been coming to terms with understanding who she is and what her sexuality is, maybe for a long time, maybe she’s been dealing with a lot of internalized biphobia where she didn’t pursue or interrogate her feelings towards girls because she does have feelings towards men, idk, something along those lines. and maybe now she has figured herself out a little more and finally feels comfortable in her own skin and she wants to share that with us. i think that’s perfectly reasonable to assume because, as i said above, theres been a lot of gay shit going on! 

but i still don’t think its chill to speculate about her love life or who she’s been secretly dating, because taylor has always been very open with us about how much she hates that kind of behavior towards her, when people assume she’s dating everyone around her. so let’s not engage in that kind of shit either! lets stand together as queer swifties in our support of taylor if she is coming out, but lets also not make her feel weird or uncomfortable by engaging in behavior we know she doesnt appreciate, yknow? 

anyway i love taylor with my whole heart and honestly if she does come out my heart will burst with joy

#i dont want to piss anyone off #taylor swift #gaylor swift #ts7 #i feel like this is a super reasonable way to think about it? #but idk!! #yknow like #idk #im not gonna get into any kaylor shit #my private theory is that they were crushing on each other hard back in 2015 #maybe they shared some real intimate moments #when taylor was single #but i believe the relationships theyre in now are real #and i think saying taylors relationship with joe is fake #and that shes been dating karlie a married woman all along #would make her feel like shit #but i bet she still likes kaylor fan content sometimes #because she remembers the feelings that were #as she was figuring out her life