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malojey · 5 years

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Has to be like 62

Today started awful but concluded with me feeling noticeably content, calm, and it was reassuring. Karl left for 2 weeks travelling but I didnt get to chat to him much. I really like Sean, I think hes a good character to help me progress from child to adult. We had a good few hour+ long talks since I've moved in. I think I'm gonna look for bar work in the near future, maybe after Christmas. It'll give me a sustainable career for now and I can start travelling and working wherever I like. I'd really like to travel around and theres supposed to be some money in bar work, especially for a handsome ginger in a foreign country they'll fucking eat me up hahaha.

I've been incredibly strapped for cash this month, the luas is fucking expensive. Had 21 quid this morning then dropped 15 on the way to work🙃 Graham gave me 20 today to buy groceries but 5 on the leap 12 something on food leaves me with fuck all and its 15 days til pay. I'm gonna trade in most of my physical games tomorrow, a lot I've never played more than an hour so it's not a huge loss. I think I only bought them to fill the void after the breakup but none gave me the satisfaction I needed. I'll miss spiderman tho. Random thought popped in my head I remember in secondary school you could only access your locker at the start of the day and end, then lunch. Teachers would go mad if you went between classes or on break in the morning, that was a stupid rule. So I'm looking to get about 105 from the games and hopefully that'll do me for the month. JM said he'd give me a lend if I need it and with GPs going away night coming up I might just need it.

Music - Joyner released ADHD (single) and after a couple listens I liked it. ADHD as a whole I dont think I'll be a big fan of but that's on me. It's a more mainstream sound, a lot of auto tuned vocals. I have to come to appreciate that hes not underground anymore. Hes been rippity rappin, proving his skills, for the last 4 years of me being a fan and now he's branching his sound. There wouldnt be as much evolution in different punchlines and more word play, plus hes done everything from slow wavy flows to machine gun spitting, so traditional rap wise hes kinda done everything. He introduced ADHD as the music hes been waiting to make, literally saying it's a more mainstream sound than previous work. But I'm not blown back by every line anymore so in that regard I feel his lyrics have slipped. Dont get me wrong, I still think hes one of the best rappers in the game right now, and I've been eagerly anticipating the Angels and Demons project w Chris Brown ever since I heard Stranger Things for the first time taking a shit in Abuelas toilet, but I'm finding it hard to place him as my favourite rapper anymore. I really think J. Cole is top of that list rn, hes too fucking good and he just does everything, and does it so well. I wish I appreciated him as much as I do now back when we seen him. Also that was the first night I ever heard JID and EarthGang and they are topping as favourites too now, dont really feel Ari's style but shes a good singer. If only I could go back to that night I'd tear the 3 arena apart🤣 seeing JID at longitude was insane and I wanna try see him in the academy for Chrimbo.

Been listening to shuffle on spotify today, 4631 songs. Can go from Eminem to Haley Reinhart to DJ VI to Sinatra to Avenged Sevenfold to Twenty One Pilots to classical instrumentals to some damn spoken word poetry. I like it :)

Albums - Mirrorland by EarthGang, Ginger by Brockhampton.

Games - Played the fifa demo, I kinda enjoyed it more than the pes one ngl, but will see what happens on pay day. Kept only 3 physical games, Red Dead 2, The Witcher 3, and Dying Light. I installed Dying Light onto my playstation so tomorrow when I get home I'm gonna sit down, turn off the lights, throw my headphones on high and parkour the shit outta some zombies.

Haven't smoked a J in 2 days. Yesterday was gagging for one, today felt alright. It's a fucking black hole, if I smoke I always wanna smoke. I have to keep a straight head to me seriously.

Sorted out my room a bit more, well my bedside table to be more exact. I have a decent top drawer and a snack n shit drawer. My books and everyday things like earphones, wallet, keys and other shit in the top drawer. Phone cases, vape coil, jaffa cakes, pistachios, aldi M&Ms, plug heads, and hair cream in the under one. It looks neater and more proper.

Tomorrow will be my second week here. Out of ten, rn lying in bed listening to music after some camomile tea and cbd vape, I'd say I'm feeling a ramshackle 8.

Btw he released The Fall of Hobo Johnson so I gotta listen soon.

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icyblasty · 5 years

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Entry #6

Saturday July 13,2019

I keep expecting to see him one last time because the last time that I saw him was last Saturday and didn’t go well because I have no Idea he is going to quit his job. I have a 2-8pm shift today, I was just chilling a while ago when I realized that my dad is not at home. I texted him and he said that he cannot give me a ride because he is in the hospital and was having some check ups. I was rushing because during that time I was so scared of not seeing him and didn’t have a proper goodbye. I called the taxi and got to McDonald’s at 1:15 pm, yes, I am so freakin’ early. I WAS SO PRETTY EARLY and guess what? I DIDN’T SEE HIM. I was thinking that I should’ve said goodbye properly last saturday if only I knew. But then, JM (our manager) told me to stay til’ 10pm because he needs me. Bro, I was like I don’t wanna stay til’ 10pm when my day is not going well. I expect too much a while ago and just lead me to disappointment because I really didn’t see him. He didn’t even snapback me. When I started working, It went pretty smooth. Eileen told me that he didn’t work today, made me feel sad at that moment. Time goes by so fast. That I didn’t notice It’s almost 4pm. I was in the first booth, until Jax went there to take lane 2 and cash, while I was sent to the Window to help Taylor.

BUT THEN!!!!!! I was making something that time, probably a coffee or ice coffee. When Eileen called my name and said “He’s here” and I was like “what? who?” and she whispered it to me saying “Juan” “Juan is here”. OMYGOSH. Can you believe that??? I was actually thinking that he is not coming today. I keep telling Eileen “are u sure that’s him?” “for real??? omg, you’re joking right?” and then she smiled and said “No”. Taylor and Eileen starts teasing me and giving me this weird look because they know that I’m expecting to see him today. I was not really ready to say hello or what Until JM told me to get the trays at the back since we don’t have any trays left in the window. BRUH, I WAS THINKING OF SAYING NO BUT TAYLOR THAT TIME IS TAKING THE ORDERS. I went there and I said “I need more trays” and then he said “what? you need more? You can have just five trays” and I said “I need more TRAYS” and then he said “Okay, you clean it” and I was like “Clean or else. I need more trays. You are in the first booth then you have to clean those” and I went back in front after saying those. I am not really sure why I always act like that towards him. I don’t know why I give him so much attitudes when I am just not like this to everyone. AGAIN, Taylor and Eileen gaves me this weird look and I was like “Okay, I just said Hi and thats it” and they both laughed. As the time goes by, when JM sent me to check or somehow clean the lobby, I got the chance to collect some trays and go to first booth to see him. Even went to get a McDonald 🧢 because I thought it was the cap that one of the customer lost when they went to McDonald ‘s last week. When I go there, JUAN WAS LIKE “Okay what do you want from me?” BRUH I LITERALY IGNORED HIM and went back to the lobby to clean some dirty tables.

I got my break time around 5:30ish and because I don’t know what to do. I called my bestfriend JUNE and asked for the advice. Literally, I don’t know how to approach him because I’m very shy. I don’t know I feel so shy when he do something that makes me feel like i’m special. Balwinder and I was talking about something and I don’t know why Juan is like not going to the crew room when he found out we are there and talking something. I got back around 6:10pm and I don’t know why I keep avoiding him or making contacts with him or ignoring him.

UNTIL around 6-7pm there was this lady in the front and was looking for a timing to asks something from someone. I couldn’t help it because she was looking towards my way and when I went to the front, she looks suprised and when she goes near I RECOGNIZED HER! YES... SHE’S JUAN MOTHER! She was like “Hi dear, Okay so I came here because my son is working here and I think he is in the back. I need to asks something from him. I wonder if you could asks him about the keys.” and I was like “Oh you are Juan’s mother.” and she said “Yes yes. If you could asks him about the car keys” and I was like “yeah sure, I’ll just go and grab the keys to him or I’ll call him” and she smiled and said “Oh please thank you” BRO I JUST MEET JUAN RAMIREZ’S MOTHER and his half sister. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I went to the back and said to Juan “So... your mom... is in the window right now and was asking for the car keys or idk.” and He was like “Oh okay okay. You need to take this lane and cash for a second” and I freaked out because who will be left in the window since Taylor is off. and I was like “Bruh I need to run the window too.” and he said “well I need to go and give the key to my mom” and JM is shouting where I am already and I said “I’M HERE!!!!” and He was asking if why i am in the first booth and I said because Juan is talking with his mom at the moment and JM said it’s okay. Juan went back already and I was taking order that time. I was kinda sticking out my tongue so he said “why are you sticking out your tongue. u want a kiss dont you?” and BRUH HE LITERALLY DISTRACT ME FROM THE ORDER. He was laughing when I finish taking order and I just rolled my eyes and went back to the window. WHATS EVEN MORE COOLER IS THAT, I was the one who gives his mom’s order. It was a small coffee 1 cream, Brownie cookie, strawberry danish and a blueberry danish and when I gave it to her. She said “Thank you and Thank you for calling my son.” She’s very pretty ❤️🥰😍 and she’s very nice and very kind. I even loved her voice, it’s very calm. The best thing is that she even smiled at me.

After that, I was running the window and then Juan went there to annoy me once again. He tryna keep holding my hands but he failed as I don’t wanna do it when a lot of people can see it. BUT, MY HAND THAT TIME IS LIKE WAITING FOR THE FOOD AND HE FREAKIN’ HOLD MY HAND. 😩🥰 The guy in the kitchen was literally saw that and smiled at us. And I took Juan’s hand away because Ugh 😩 I feel shy. Juan is laughing that time because of what he did. The guy in the kitchen laughed out. Until JM went infront was kinda asking him why is he such a not nice guy while he’s mom is very nice. I just overheard that his parents are separated and he got to lived with his dad for now. and that the girl with her mom a while ago is his half sister. I was pretty shocked because how I wish my parents can be a good friends just like them. 😐 But yeah, I don’t know why he’s like that but I still like him no matter what.

A lot of things happened today that I will cherished and keep ♾ forever. He kinda didn’t say anything whenever Balwinder and I was annoying each other or maybe won’t come near when Balwinder and I was just talking and laughing. I even kinda hear him say something when Karan, Wei , Balwinder and I was talking about their 🧔 beards. Wei was like I like white guys more than brown guys and I tryna defending myself to them because Juan is really the guy that I like. Then, Juan said something that make us split up and shut up. When he was supposed to help me out when Wei is on break, Karan told him to stock up and I feel like he doesn’t wanna do those. He even stared at me and give me this weird look. I don’t know if he gets annoyed because I’m so noisy or what but he keeps doing things that I get annoyed... just like throwing boxes real hard, throwing dirty scotch taped on me, or even gives me the whole Bag B and wants me to stock it for him. 🙄🙄🙄 I hate it when he does that... But for sure, I’m going to miss it. ☹️ After stocking those, Balwinder thought that Juan and I didn’t talk anymore so he keeps singing “we don’t talk anymore” BUT HE HAS NO IDEA HOW EVERYTHING WORKS 😂 and I was like yeah yeah that’s true. He just did all the stock up and never helped me. 🙄🤧 Until Wei is back and Jax is off early so... Juan got to go in the first booth. He was there but he still keeps coming in front. Even make a joke like “Cledd and I would make a cute couple” and I said “wth” and then he said “I like your watch... Can I see it?” and I said no because bruh, it’s very cheap 😂 and Juan is saying something and even kinda slightly hugged me and said “no cledd, im just joking” Wei was just staring at us 🙅💁🏻‍♀️ But yeah he went back to the first booth and around 10:55 pm I got to changed my clothes because I was planning to have a picture or impressed him 🙄🙅😐 but he just do nothing.... so Ig idk. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was busy taking orders and running it. So I didnt bother him. Until JM, forgot to asks break time signs... he went in front and was looking for Juan because he didnt sign the break time sheet. and JM told him to go back to the first booth. I was left in the office and was looking at Juan in the CCTV 😂😂😂 IT MIGHT HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE DID BUT ILL TRY. I was looking at him in the CCTV and when he passes by the office 😂 he literally stopped by and he knocked and the next thing that I know he is sticking out his lips for a kiss. He keeps begging for a kiss 😩🙄

It was already 10:20pm but JM is still doing something. I gotta wait them tho. So I went to first booth and saw Juan there. I just keep staring at him and Idk. I was just doing nothing and just blanky staring at him. I CANT STAY STILL BECAUSE I WANNA TAKE PICTURE WITH HIM AND I WANNA HUGGED HIM AND I WANNA DO THE HANDSHAKE FOR THE LAST TIME. DO EVERYTHING WITH HIM FOR THE LAST MOMENT!!! I Just wanna say goodbye properly. 🤧☹️ I just can’t stay still. Until JM keep saying that he is done we are going but then he is not yet done. It looks like it’s a sign for me to go for it. Karan and I was talking about him... Karan said go hug him I’ll look in the CCTV. I WAS SO BRAVE and went to the first booth and open my arms wide and said “come here give me a hug, its my last day too” and this tall guy ruined the mood 😂 just kidding. He said “tomorrow is my last day.” and I said “well I don’t work tomorrow” and he said “come here.” THEN WE HUGGED.

I just couldn’t stay still because a hug is not enough 🙄 dzuh I NEED SOMETHING THAT I WILL FOREVER KEEP IN MY MEMORIES. what is it? A PICTURE! I keep going back to the office and then walk around and then go to look at Juan and then go just stare at him and then go back to the office and that one just keep repeating. 🙄🙄🙄 ik, i’m so not straight forward. I went to Juan and Wei in the crew room and I was like “yow guys, did u know that they were talking about the two of you in the office” and then Wei was like “what is it all about?” and Juan is like “probably talking about how hot we are and how we captured girls heart” and i was like choking because wtf Juan. I was thinking of maybe I could left a note to Juan about how I like him because JM keep saying we are ready to go. Btw, JM just found out today that I like him and supported me ❤️❤️🥰😍😩 So I was silently writing in the tray liner until Wei is taking order in the first booth 🙄 and ruined my letter. I was like “omg wei, i forgot what to write now” and then I finished writing “I like you.” until Juan suddenly appear to take order 🙅 He first noticed the lowkey I like you words written on a Tray liner and was trying to get it but then I said “No. It’s for Wei” but then he stared at me and look at Wei and he stared once again and smiled. He comes near this time and said “For whom is that?” and I said “You” HE IS TAKING ORDERS THAT TIME, and he just need to hear those words. He said “what?” and I said “it’s for you.” He smiled and took the orders already. So I go back to the office. I am still cannot stay-still and keeps walking around. Until JM finally finished everything and wore is cap and said “We should go now.” JM went to the washroom and I was like “shet, this would be the last time. I gotta do something” and then when JM is finished using the washroom, I hold JM and said “JM... I don’t wanna go home... It’s Juan’s last day... I still want to take a picture with him” BRUH, it might not be exactly but thats how it started.

JM dragged me back to the first booth and said “Sus ako bahala” I was so shy and don’t know what to do. He dragged me and he said to Juan “Juan! let’s take picture bro since its your last day” and Juan said “Oh sure. Omg.” He was excited and he was supposed to take pictures with his phone but then I said “DONT USE UR FUCKING PHONE” I LITERALLY SWEAR 😂 and then he said “Okay...” Then we took pictures. I hugged him one more time and this time... tightly. It was just the two of us this time. ❤️ since JM went back infront. Until THAT ONE PICTURE IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Actually, it is not enough 😂😂 I stared at him and he said “now what?” and I said “I’m going now...I just wanna say bye.” and then he said “Oh shut up. You’ll be here tomorrow.” and I said “I don’t. Remember? I am not working.” then we are kinda holding out hands but not intertwined hands and then said to him “I am going to cry” and then he said “why?” and I said “because I’m going to miss you” Then he holds my hand and hugged me and then I probably he said this because he don’t want me to feel sad or what. He said “Oh shut up, we are still going to talk on snapchat” and I said jokingly to him “I am going to delete my snapchat.” and then he hold my hand and said “Okay so...Ig... good bye Cledd?” he looked in my eyes and I swallowed my saliva and confidently said this to him, “Let’s take a picture.” and said “Just the two of us” and then he smiled and said “Okay... JUST THE TWO OF US. First, we need to get good lighting. Second, good background and Third nice picture” That time his hands is on my shoulder while looking for the right spot... Until Wei 🙄🙄 suddenly appear and said “oh are you taking picture?? I wanna join!” and I was like being selfish that time and said “Go, just the two of us” and then Juan was like “Wei go away. Just the two of us first” and then Wei was doing the photobombing but Juan didn’t capture it because it was so annoying. We tryna make good picture. Wei even wanna take one with his pouty lips pointing at me but Juan was like “Wei!!! us first” and then when we finish taking ours. Wei was kinda sad 😂😂😂 so I said “okay wei, you can join now” and we got to take a picture together. We hugged once again. Then, yeah, I gotta say my last good bye. Wei even said it was a good thing we took a picture because this might be the last time that we will see each other unless we make plans outside from work. Then Karanbir and JM went at the back because I think JM needs to punch out and Karanbir was just following him. I hugged him one last time and tighly. Then Karanbir said “Oh give her a kiss Juan” and then I said “no way” and then Juan is pouting his lips toward me and when I face towards him wtf 😂😂😂 I slapped him and we all laughed. Karanbir suggest kissing my hands but then I said no thanks. Then, Juan sharing that there are lots of germs in the hands so better not. But then he said “If I see her tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” or like “If she’ll come over tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” but then yeah, that’s it we kinda hugged again and he said goodbye to Wei and Karanbir and he lastly said, “Bye Cledd.”

That’s how it all ends July 13 2019 ❤️🥰💕 I was very thankful to Karanbir and JM 😭😭🥰❤️💯💘

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jungblue · 7 years

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I have been following fh since the beginning& it is one of my ult fave fics but holy shit I haven't even finished reading pt.6 had to take a break bc I fell asleep reading it last night & I won't finish it until later but it's SO good you never disappoint, But I AM SO FUCKING ANXIOUS NOW about the secret like I didnt think it would affect me this much but I feel the anxiety 100% I completely forgot how much I felt for this story, I dont even know how to end this msg I love you

omg this was so nice, thank you!!!! and ahaa i’m sorry it’s making you feel anxious ;; i know the secret thing is getting dragged out a bit, but i gotta try and develop all of the relationships properly before the plot starts to go in full force, you know? but again thank you for reading! i love u too ;;

Anonymous said: Oh MY GOD I WAITED MONTHS OH LORD!!!! I JUST READ PT6 AND OMG IM SO CURIOUS ABT THE SECRET THINGY AND AHHHHHHOMG JIMIN MY BOY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ALL THE FEELS IM SOBBING WHEN JK SAID THAT OC IS LOOKNGAT JIMIN LIKE SHE USED TO LOOK AT HIM I WAS SCREAMING LSDKSJSISS THANKS FOR YOUR HARD WORK TAY💓💓💓✨✨✨👏👏👏👏

THANK YOU FOR READING, LOVELY ;; I’M GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT :”)

Anonymous said: Im completely in love with fh tbh. I love it so much and the fic means soooo much to me. I already might have a decent idea of what happened with jk and jm but i'll leave that for later when it's revealed. I picked up some stuff in pt.5 so im almost sure of it. I loved this chapter so much and I honestly reallyyyy wish the oc is gonna end up with jimin, my life will be fucked sideways if she doesn't, but i might have an idea of who the oc is gonna end up with too. Thank you Taylor for the update

gahhh this was so lovely! thank you so much for sending it in. it’s cool to see you picking up on some of the hints! and as for jimin we’ll just have to see where things go once the issue is revealed!

Anonymous said: I really want to know that whispering thing going on between jk x jm. Whispering should be illegal.

LOLOL I KNOW IM SORRY

Anonymous said: WHAT IF..... Jungkook went to a rehab or is currently undergoing treatments for some shit that he had done 😁 or maybe psychological problems?

interesting possibilities!

Anonymous said: of course we supportive!!!!! we love it so much lol how could we not be so? i'm loving fh so much i just don't know anymore :') i wanna give jimin a hug damn that gughudgd i've always been attracted to bad boys but the ones that i fall for hard are the good boys goddamn hahahaha we all are like that aren't we? but there are some people who hates bad boys because who wouldn't hah they might not want to deal with their bs

ahaa yeah i find that most people tend to not like the good guys tho, which is unfortunate. i know people says dudes use it as a stupid saying (and sure some of them definitely do), but from what i witness with my friends and others they tend to brush off the good ones for the seemingly exciting ones ///sighs/// but yeah anyways, thank you for enjoying the update!!

Anonymous said: if someone asks me what's my fave fic ever i'm gonna answer future hearts i'm not kidding idc if it's not even finished yet i just love it hahahah and idec if it ends up with jungkook or jimin i'd still die happily with either of them having a happy ending but i ain't sure about jungkook for now since he might've done something horrible. been reading stuff since 2009 and i fuckin' love this

awww thank you! i’m glad you’re giving both guys a chance in this. but yeah we’ll just have to wait to see what jk is hiding. again thank you so much for reading and liking it!

#h1norei #message

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oddful · 4 years

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i’ve had at least 4 people tell me my personality has changed this year but hear this okay .. 2019? my only worry was to save money for my LA trip & in 2020 a lot changed A LOT...

In 2020, i had to start applying for school bc the A level thjng didn’t work out so i applied for an art school..an art school ... the course i wanted required me to build up a portfolio AND write in an essay .. fuck my life it was so difficult at that point no one was talking to me i was gg thru some emotional turmoil & had strained my friendship with everyone which i soon apologised to everyone and we moved forward ... god building a portfolio the fuck 10 prep boards in 2 weeks? + an essay? dude one piece not ONE BOARD one piece alrdy took me like 3 hrs and this is w/o the PLANNING BTW ... imagine at that time i wasn’t talking to anyone and no one to encourage me not that i should be expecting that but ... u catch my drift? it was so difficult like sophia stopped talking to me & he also fully left me on read for an entire month? how can i not overthink where i went wrong? how i can i not overthink when he went out w other girls n shid & im here like what t fuvk???

aside from that .. in march we found out my job was closing down ... amidst the pandemic .... where everyone now is cutting cost & they’re letting people go .... ya’ll ... i support myself the fuck i pay my own bills buy my own shit imagine what t fuck was going thru my mind at that point???? I HAD SCH TO WORRY ABT NOW I HAD A JOB CRISIS IM RLY LIKE WHAT T FUCK????? where am i gonna get a job i’m like syaz relax it’s not the end of the world you’ll get thru it just be optimistic about it yknow?

listen.. sch & a job ... these r factors i have no control over yknow? it’s not one of those problems where i’m like “ah fuck i’m so fat” & it’s within my limit to go change like just go on a diet & exercise yknow? sch & work these are EXTERNAL FACTORS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ITS LIKE EVEN MORE STRRSSFUL THESE ARE NOT MINOR SETBACKS THESE ARE MAJOR SETBACKS DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND? Major setbacks that will shape my future.... and now i was gg thru 2 major things - am i gg to sch? am i gg to have a job? what am i gonna do?

you can’t expect me to be the same jovial little syaz everyone knew the chill syaz not a worry in the world looking syaz i was just great at concealing my emotions it was only this year it was so fucking unfortunate that my 2016 episode returned bc IT WAS JUST TOO OVERWHELMING. While i’m alrdy at it, don’t be a fucking idiot & tell people “i’m always here if you wanna talk” & then go around being like “i’m not your fucking therapist” like relax? i’m not asking u to solve my shit? just listen to me and give me a little it’s okay syaz it’s not difficult no? Like i’ve never asked anyone to ‘feel’ for me or whatever it’s JUST LIKE ???????? THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME OUT OF MY SHELL TO TALK ABT MY PROBELMS AND THEN THEY’re like “UHH ITS TOO OVERWHELMING” THEN I STOP TALKING ABT MY PROEBKMS THEN ITS “ WHY DONT U TELL ME ANYTHJBG” CAN I EVRR FUCKING WIN AT THIS POINT?????

ONE THING PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO STAY THE SAME WHILE JUGGLING TWO MAJOR SSTBACKS OH GOD THREE BC WHEN MY HELPER HAD TO GO HOME I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS HOW DO U expect ME TO BE THR SAME HAPPY SYAZ WHILR JUGHLING ALL YHESE??? ITS LIKE HOW CSN I JUST THINK OF GAMES AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS AND MEMES ALL THR FUCKING TIME R U SCTUALLY OKAY??? U THINK I HAVE NO PROBELMS??? i’m so tired eh like i’m never confiding in anyone anymore idk

i am not gonna play victim here bc i do suppress all my anger n sadness bc of my whole mindset to be a femme fatale lil strong bitch & when i’m at my peak whoever gets it will get vomited on by me. Bc i’m helping my friends with their shit then i’m overwhelmed when i csnt help them then it’s either S or R who has to deal w my shit and i truly am so sorry that i did that bc the both of ya’ll have told me before that it gets overwhelming when you don’t know how to help me and it s too much to absorb but i m working on it n rly i never wanted them to feel for me or anything it’s just nice to know someone is willing to listen to me yknow? idk i did a lot of things on my end but i’m gna take some time off to really heal bc honestly idt i can emotionally heal from what i heard & just hearing 4 DIFFERENT people tell me i’ve changed is like ... yea guys i know? but w all these gg on how can i not? how can i be the same syaz? jm tryna find the old me i miss her too ... just 3 weeks ago i was telling sophoa that i feel like i’m in the movie insidious .. i miss the old syaz i do & frankly after i got accepted into nafa & got transferred to another store i was starting on my journey to find myself yknow? idk

All in all i am truly sorry for hurting anyone along the way especially thru my emotioanl turmoil .. bye

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justrandomthoughts18 · 7 years

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WINGS TOUR IN JAKARTA

"There is more than meets the camera" I don't know, when I started to hear this from V it changes my preferences in watching a concert. I just want to see it with my own eyes coz filming it will just take your attention with the beauty in front of you. So to be honest, when you are not a warrior PURPLE ticket i got is not suitable for you. When will the story start, here it is. I wanna thank all the Indonesian ARMYs that helped me even if they are really trying to talk to me in English. I appreciate them helping me with everything I asked and of course they helped me get a ticket for the concert. Even though it took me long to get it i still got the ticket and watched the concert. Why I watched it in INA coz I will not be around in WINGS TOUR in Manila and my friends are going to watch it so I will not let that happen 😂. MENT - The only english ment they had was their introduction then all their ments are in bahasa so i cannot understand. At that time I was moving around finding better spot to see the boys. I ended up being near in the extended stage. There are too many Armys that are passing out during the concert so it was so hard to see because your attention was focused in the guards bringing up the people who were passing out, hope they are okay already. The concert started with NOT TODAY i didnt know the line up I thought it will be BME but no. The beats are out and all the people in the area were jumping up and down. Then their solo stages came and my most awaited part of the whole concert. BEGIN was of course amazing when i watched it I feel like Jungkook is not a baby anymore, with superb steps and his feet is so fast. LIE my goodness Park Jimin is so sexy especially when he put that blindfold and took it off one of the best times of course when he hit that high note AMAZING. FIRST LOVE and haba ng VCR ni kuya mo, I super love the sincerity in his face when he raps so serious felt goosebumps all over. REFLECTION was a touching performance of RM the audience were chanting WE LOVE YOU and KIM NAMJOON I think RM was touched that he is saying something in the interlude but i cannot understand. STIGMA i cant explain the feeling hearing V singing this song he is soooo good especially when he hit the high note i was like all of BTS members are vocalist but seriously V can hit lowand high perfectly. AWAKE he was so magical when Jin said the like 'maybe I can never fly' the stage went up and down with an orchestra beside him it seriously felt magical that time. MAMA, jhope was so cute, handsome, talented, and super charming performing that song I wanna watcg it again. He is always winking in the camera and showing his charming side that made me scream I just cant keep up with hobii (I might change my bias, well im always a hobi biased during concerts) he really knows hope to woo the crowd. The boys san their unit songs CYPHER pt 4 (hype too but not like pt 3) and LOST the boys look so cute in red and thank you extended stage for that. Then SAVE ME happened the fanproject was successful the boys do see the banners and the take it to fans on the encore stage. The medley of their song before was happiness because the boys was just playing around with the fans and of courae that was the time they are in the extended stage so i tried my best just to get noticed. Im so happy all of the members went to our area and waved to us. Sadly cant video shoot it because I was bring so many things in my hands and I just waved at them diligently. Im so happy because I saw them again upclose the venue was small compared to MOA so i can clearly see them. They are too handsome for my sight, i missed them so much. Then the last song before encore they sang BST and Im WOW its diferent watching the perf live. Then encore Im so happy the whole encore they are on the extended stage so I can see them and JM always go to our side and my side was on the right. They sang the supplementary song ver so it was very fun the boys are just playing in the stage and that JinMin moment I saw they put their foreheads together like they will be kissing but nah! Of course those who are always on our side is TaeJin im happy I got a TaeJin moment this time I dont want to sya that Jin and V looked at me (HAHA) Jin gave flying kiss to everyone. He stares at them then he will give us flying kiss, it made me giddy. Taehyung was making fun of the fans who are crying and i found that funny. Jungkook that kissed that fan placard with a photo of him (so lucky) also he got those derp faces of Jin and Jimin making fun of both guys! Rapmon always waving at ourside and super handsome as always he also try to give flying kisses and winks to the fans. Suga who looked super cute doing kkaepjjang everywhere. Jhope who took the banner and the flower fanprojects make the fans scream because he noticed the project. Jimin the heart machine always throwing hearts everywhere any type of hearts he will do (I remembered my heart on show champ mnl). I just thanked the boys for never disappointing me in every concert they have. This may not be my best (no one can top Epilogue it has high touch) but it is still very amazing because i get to spend time with them again. Im happy they are more interacive now. I want to watch this again if given a chance. Until next time boys. Will be your forever WINGS. [Edit] I forgot to say about the ment where Jin pulled out something in his shirt and it is a paper/tissue I thought it his copy of the ment then after the paper formed a heart. So cheesy. And it is so funny that the boys are trying to speak in bahasa even though the prompter is in front of them. 😂😂

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