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ladyxxdaydream · 3 years

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a year-in-review meme - for writers!

I thought up this writing meme for fic writers who might have been staring at the artists having their lovely and well-deserved collages of their work through the year - and wanted to join in the fun! also this works as a great reminder for those of you (and me) who’ve been thinking that they haven’t been writing as much as they want to, and allows you to go back to enjoy your old fic ;D

Rules: pick your favourite sentence from a work you posted / wrote during a month of 2020! if you didn’t write anything in any particular month, don’t worry! tell us what you were doing or use it as free space for runner-up sentences. after that, tag 8 people or more to do the meme!

That being said, here’s mine:

Tagged by: @rikacain !!

I’m tagging -- @flailinginlove @aviss @kiitsvne @stupidbadgers and @tea-blitz who doesn’t use tumblr anymore but WHATEVER. and anyone else who wants to do it! <3

~~~

JAN: (from Heavy Weight)

“Iruka felt Kakashi’s eye on him. Most people feared the Sharingan, and for good reason, but Iruka feared his real eye, his own eye. It had a way of seeing straight past Iruka’s defenses, no dōjutsu required, and deep into his soul.“

FEB: (from Old Pine)

“Do you want children?” Iruka asked, feeling like the timing was right.

Kakashi was quiet for a few moments. Iruka had learned to read Kakashi’s silences for what they were. It wasn’t hesitation like he had initially thought. Kakashi simply liked to think things through before answering immediately. Iruka liked that about him.

“I think we have four already,” Kakashi said, eyeing Sasuke, Naruto, Ino, and Sakura through the glass door.

Iruka laughed, but refrained from clarifying. He knew Kakashi understood what he meant and would answer him shortly. Iruka had also learned that Kakashi had a tendency to be indirect, before he got around to what he actually wanted to say.

MARCH: (from Mouthful)

“So, Kakashi.” Iruka said, unable to stand still any longer. “We both like what we see. Now what?”

He wasn’t usually this forward, but he was feeling it tonight. All of this playful banter was riling him up—it was his favorite way to flirt.

“I like a man whose direct,” Kakashi said, shifting his stance to lean an elbow on the table. “But hmm,” he hummed. “I don’t know.”

He gave Iruka a seemingly bored look, as if the obvious invitation to leave together was lost on him.

“Well, I like a man whose decisive, so I guess that rules you out.”

Kakashi let out a hard, surprised laugh. He downed the rest of his beer, and took Iruka by the hand, pulling him out of the bar without a word.

APRIL: (from A New Chapter)

“I don’t know how to put this,” Sakumo started, “but… what the hell is that?”

Kakashi looked at where his Father was pointing.

“Uh… a diaper…?” Kakashi guessed, not sure where this was going. They had about a million others, in every color and pattern you could imagine, folded and stacked in the closet. Iruka wanted to go the re-usable route, and several of his students mother’s were eager to gift them. Kakashi had been less than thrilled by the extra laundry.

“Yes. It’s a diaper, Kakashi. Very good. Tell me, did you have both eyes closed when you put it on?”

MAY: (From Cake Substitution No Jutsu)

“What’s this?” Iruka asked as Kakashi entered the kitchen, a fully dressed Tomo whizzing past them both.

“Ah, it’s a backpack,” Kakashi said, crossing over to Iruka excitedly. “I saw it on display in a shop window while doing Gai’s scavenger hunt. Its arms and legs are the straps, so when you wear it, it looks like it’s riding on your back.”

Iruka smiled, turning it around in his hands, noticing the zipper and a few pockets.

“That’s actually pretty ador—”

Iruka stopped speaking. The tail was tightly curled up inside plastic casing still.

“Kakashi,” Iruka said, feeling his eyebrow twitch. “Is this… is this a leash?”

“No. It’s a Puppy Pal… with an exceptionally long tail.”

“It’s a leash,” Iruka deadpanned. “A leash for a child.”

“You put Tomo inside a barrier the other day as a playpen,” Kakashi said, a matter of factly. “Why can’t I have some help controlling her?”

“That’s… that’s different!” Iruka exclaimed, feeling his cheeks heat in contradiction. “Would you like it if I put you on a leash, Kakashi?”

Iruka regretted it the second it came out of his mouth. He could practically see the wolfish grin forming beneath Kakashi’s mask.

JUNE: (from Use Your Imagination)

They laid in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the night through the cracked window—distant cars on the street, a lone dog barking, upbeat music wafting from a floor below them.

Kakashi never wished for time to stop. In fact, he tried to keep himself as busy as possible—he chose a career that ate up most of his life for a reason. But right now? He wished time didn’t exist, hyperaware of how quickly it would pass before Iruka was back on a plane tomorrow.

He traced circles into Iruka’s lower back, watching as the brown skin pressed against his broke out in a wave of goosebumps. Iruka shivered, and then shifted, and Kakashi wondered if he was falling asleep.

He selfishly continued his adorations, wanting to keep Iruka in this realm with him for a little while longer. He expanded his rake, sliding his fingers up Iruka’s spine, skirting around his scar, and back down again.

Kakashi wasn’t one to believe in divine intervention, or soulmates. He’d acted in enough corny films to almost make him hate the notion entirely. But the fact that a man as perfect as Iruka had come into his life so serendipitously—and just as scarred as he was—was something he couldn’t overlook.

It made Kakashi’s heart ache with want, before that ache traveled down, and curled into his gut.

JULY: (from Love Me As You Are)

“And then you demeaned their lives by calling them your soldiers—”

“—is that not what they are?!” Kakashi cut across him, getting upset. “You’re as much a part of this system as I am, sensei! We both know the truth of it, whether we like it or not. I just called it by it’s name.”

“But they’re people too, Kakashi! Kids. They’re so much more than soldiers…”

“That’s not how I was treated,” Kakashi said before he could catch himself.

Iruka’s mouth fell open with a punched sound.

“Kakashi…”

His tone was soft and free of the anger it held a moment ago.

“Forget I said that,” Kakashi said, turning away, his cheeks heating up—the last thing he wanted was Iruka’s pity. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No,” Iruka said, shaking his head as he took a step towards him. “I’m not going to forget you said that. It does matter because you matter. You deserved to have somebody stand up for you too, Kakashi. I’m so sorry Konoha failed you.”

Kakashi’s eyes burned with tears—he bit his tongue, refusing to let them fall. Those words pierced him straight through the heart. It was everything he never knew he needed to hear.

AUG:

um I didn’t write anything this month because my wife and I separated annnd my whole life was uprooted as I moved to a different country ksjdhgkdsj

SEPT: (from I’ll Fall, If You Do)

Their relationship was going really well. There were days where Kakashi still turned him away, usually corresponding with the mornings he had therapy. It was frustrating, because Iruka just wanted to be there for him, for Kakashi to open up to him completely, but he didn’t push. He knew that would only make it worse. They didn’t fight anymore, but Iruka regularly had to correct the language Kakashi used towards himself, and sometimes it was irritating for the both of them.

But mostly… it was amazing. Their chemistry was incredible. Electric. And not just in the bedroom—they were never far from each other, drawn in like magnets, grounded by a simple touch or brush of hands. Kakashi hadn’t even left the room twenty minutes ago, and already Iruka felt the pull.

He jumped up from his seat and went to go find him.

OCT: (From Language Gap)

Iruka glanced out the bus window, his body instinctively knowing where they were about to pass. The building was still empty twenty years later, the brick still scorched, and Iruka’s nightmares were still plagued by the fire despite not being there when it broke out. He’d been sent on a delivery on foot — one steaming container of karē udon — two blocks away. He delivered to the same old lady everyday, and she always kept him longer than necessary, pressing sweets into his palm. When he had come back, the noodle shop was aflame. In his shocked state, he distantly heard something about a grease fire, before he was whisked away by the hand by his childhood friend Asuma, living with him and his father from that day on.

Iruka sighed and stood up, making his way towards the door since his stop was next. He really wished the city would do something about the building. Every time he saw it, it made him feel oddly exposed and vulnerable, like his past was staring straight at him.

He shook his head a little and stepped off the bus.

NOV: (From Brand New Sound)

Kakashi watched in stunned silence for a moment, trying to get his heartbeat under control as color effortlessly flowed from the artist’s hand onto the brick. Whoever this was, they had sort of become one of Kakashi’s heroes. People always said meeting your heroes was never a good idea—bound to be disappointing—because it brought them down to a human level.

But that was precisely what attracted Kakashi to this artist in the first place—the sheer, raw, humanness. The way they tackled hard emotions and vulnerability, baring everything through their work for others to see. It was honest and transformative, and Kakashi spent more nights than he could ever count wandering the streets when he couldn’t sleep, hoping to catch a mural he’d never seen before it was painted over. Sometimes he did, and sometimes he’d sit in front of ones he already knew and found new meaning in them.

DEC: (from Perks of Promotion)

“But why now?” Iruka insisted. “Why ask me out now? Right after I’ve made tokubetsu jounin? When we’ve known each other for years?”

Oh.

Kakashi paused, the realization dawning on him. He didn’t blame Iruka for being suspicious of his intentions; he’d heard the way people said ‘the chuunin sensei’ or ‘the chuunin desk worker’ like it was some kind of insult. It always pissed him off.

Kakashi stared at his feet for a moment before lifting his head again, leveling Iruka with a serious stare. “Because I didn't think I’d live past 21. Because it took me an obscenely long time to become a barely functioning adult. Because I never had the guts before… I-I still don’t, not really, if you can’t tell by how much I’m fumbling around here,” he said with a nervous laugh.

#kakairu #my fic #hatake kakashi/umino iruka #this is VERY long #i dont expect ppl to read it lmao #but it was really fun #*sweats* yeah i picked one sentence.....#also WOW #i published something every month (sometimes twice!!)#except for august #which is... understandable #this was a really cool idea #thanks for tagging me rika :D #writer meme

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everlarkficquestions · 4 years

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Sunday Stumped Day 29

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

This time around we have focused on Asks that are looking for specific fics.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27 and Post 28 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

495. theman189-blog said:

Also looking for a growing together fic where peeta and katniss are painting a room ar one point and they get in a paint fight, at the end when peeta has katniss over his shoulder she draws a heart in paint on his lower back

494. theman189-blog said:

Hi there, just read a fic where katniss and peeta were peacekeepers and fall in love called protect and serve, and I could have sworn there was another one where they're peacekeepers and fell in love but had a more concrete ending and I cant remember it... any thoughts?

493. breakmeaswitchson said:

Hi! So I posted asking about this on a sub in Reddit and got directed here, it's not specifically an Everlark one (I don't think) but if you could help I'd be so thankful! Basically, it took the characters from the 74th Hunger Games, but the twist was that they all had to work together in designated groups? And (I think) weren't allowed to turn on each other until nobody else was left. I'm pretty sure Rue and Clove were on a team together, and I think the setting involved abandoned buildings.

492. jayana90 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic from Peeta's POV. I read it about a year ago & now I can't find it. It begins at his house in 12 with his family, then traces nearly all of the Hunger Games trilogy. It ends with a chapter with Peeta & Katniss living in 12 years later with their kids and a bakery. I think they loved cheese bread? It was really long and so good, I hope to find it again. V smutty.

FOUND! The Sexual Frustrations of Peeta Mellark by PeetasAndHerondales, which has sadly been deleted. - thank you, mistressnightshade!

491. allflowerscatchthesunlight said:

Fic name needed: I recall Peeta was taken by the capitol and then there was trackers embedded into his skin or something and he was found by the squad while in the capitol to kill snow. They cut it out of him. Also katniss was pregnant, but miscarried.

Found! Secret Wishes, Secret Kisses by @katnissdoesnotfollowback -- thank you KDNFB!

490. jsth2obooks said:

Hi I read this fix a while ago and now I'm trying to find it. It's Modern day Katnisss and Peeta have to go to a high school reunion an they pretend to be either together/engaged. At the end they end up with a child. Thanks in advance

FOUND! Somewhere That’s Green by Jlala. Thank you, @fangirlingoverquotes

489. uglydora15 said:

I read this fancition about Katniss and Peeta post mockingjay and Katniss was pregnant I think for the second time and Peeta has a flashback and Katniss caught him kissing someone else in the bakery and he had to beg for her forgiveness

Possibly There Are Still Worse Games to Play- The Second Part of Our Journey by panskiss123. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

488. bad-fad said:

Hi so I think there’s a fix where mr. Mellark like takes in katniss when she’s young (I don’t think prim existed in the story but I could be wrong) and she grows up with the Mellarks but I can’t remember?? If not maybe some recs along those lines

Possibly - “Kinship” by Misshoneywell - thank you @endlessnightlock

possibly Star by HGRomance - thank you @nightlock-89

Possibly the deleted Lion’s Tooth by Alexabee

487. craftydiva0828 said:

Looking for a story where after the war, Katniss rides the trains searching the districts for Peeta; people search for loved ones by posting their pictures at the train depot bulletin board.

FOUND! when the far-gone dead return - writingforhugs (Thanks, @ladymurphyevermore!)

486. bookworm06 said:

I was wondering if you guys know about a fic where Peeta woos katniss slowly, they dare secretly for a long time i think. And then Katniss comes out in this beautiful orange dress(peeta’s favorite color) to announce their engagement. She’s dressed up for a feast or party in the district or something! I loved this story but can’t even remember the name 🤦🏻‍♀️

FOUND! - I Knew This Would Have Happened Anyway by @abk1973 - thank you, @litharalen

485. cowrintimrousbeastie said:

Hello! This is actually the first time I'm posting a question, I usually enjoy doing the detective work. This time though, I've looked high and low and can't find it... it's a drabble posted on tumblr in several parts. Peeta is living with his girlfriend Delly but during one of his baking workshops discovers that this longtime best friend Katniss is in love with him (she has him as her phone screen saver). She works at the library? He confronts her and she says forget it as he is happy w/Delly..

FOUND! By @cowrintimrousbeastie herself! It is How Long by @ra3lynn3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4 and Part 5.

484. beautiful-harmony1 said:

Hello! Thank for your great work. I am looking for a fic I read a while ago. Post-mockingjay. Katniss is really sick and Peeta comes homes a realises. He takes care of her. On her “death bed” she talks about this that would have happened between the two. I’m pretty sure some bursts in and say “we found a cure”. Thank you so much

483. thehopefuldandelion said:

So I’ve been craving to read this fic that hopefully I didn’t make up and I’ve been trying to remember it’s name. All I remember is that Katinss and Gale(I think) are dating but when Gale would go to sleep Katinss would text Peeta. I’m pretty sure they were coworkers and couldn’t date bc of this. I know that she broke up with Gale but that’s all that my brain can remember. I’m sorry if this is vague or you can’t find it. I just wanted to read this again. Thanks for all you do for the community❤️

FOUND! This is After Hours by SoThere -thank you, @mendontprotectyou!

482. redhoodhungergames said:

I’m looking for a fic where peeta goes to this hotel (or something) and finds Katniss who works there as a singer. I remember when talking we hear that Katniss is from Virginia

481. just-absolutely-super said:

There’s a pre-epilogue fic I read about Katniss and Peeta growing back together. I can’t remember all the details but I think in the fic Katniss finds out Peeta painted Prim and it upset her? Toward the end she’s outside his bedroom door and confesses to him that she loves him. Thank you!

Possibly - The List of Words by MyKonstantine - thank you, @jennagill

480. peetniss27 said:

OK i must be going crazy, but this fanfic is about panem being a bunch of islands and they all do a computer session and are matched with their spouses after being “reaped” and Katniss was dating peeta and ended up with gale. It was called the islands but idk the new name please help!!!!!

FOUND!

Are You Leaving Me? - iloverueforever (*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

479. uniquepizzacollectionblog said:

Hi, i"m looking for a fic where katniss and peeta and best friends and have slept with each other in the past and now the sexual tension is coming back, maybe you guys know of this story?

478. xgetawaycar13 said:

Hiiii so I’m looking for a fic in which Katniss and Peeta get married in catching fire by order of snow and they are also forced to have children but I remember that at some point someone told Katniss about how all the girls at school liked Peeta so she got jealous and have him a blowjob Thank youuu I already look through your master list about marriage in catching fire but I couldn’t find it:(

FOUND. This is Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle. Thanks @finestunicorn.

477. ochri said:

Hi i'm looking for this fic from fanfiction It's a post-MJ fic and there's this one chapter where katniss peels? her skin off her fingers and then Peeta takes her to hospital. That's all I really remember :/

476. nikki-pondtheauthor said:

hey im curious if there are fanfics in which peeta learns how to use a bow and shoot arrows (taught by katniss). bonus if he does this in hunger games. im sure ive a read a fanfic before, that was awesome in my opinion because it is a bit out of character for him but highlighting the fact that he is a survivor too and can handle weapons even if he is more a friendly persona

475. white-dandelion-seeds said:

Hey, can you find me this story- Peeta helped Katniss to escape when her family was being killed. But he got captured and was made a slave. Later he helps Katniss to take revenge of the death of her family

474. chippedcupsandbrokenhearts said:

Ok do you know the name of Fic where Katniss finally gets away from her abusive marriage with gale and goes back to her family. They didn’t know she was being abused. She falls in love with Peeta and I remember at one point gale found her and her family drives him out of town. I read this YEARS ago and now I just randomly had the urge to reread it but can’t remember the name. Thank you!!!

Possibly - A Safe Place by HavishamWard,but this fic has been deleted. Thank you, @endlessnightlock

473. jillpill55 said:

Hi, I love your page and have read probably a hundred fics because of it. I hoping you can help me find this fic I read a couple of months ago. Peeta was captured and when he came back he couldn't kiss Katniss because of a implant snow had put in peeta's leg. I would be a mutli-chapter and may or not be finished. Thanks

Possibly - Rekindling by ShiningCity. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

472. svmn14 said:

There was a story about Peeta suffering from an undetected hijacking attack timed 10 years after the last Games where he was designed to hurt Katniss

FOUND! This is Broken: Scenes from the Sequel by MockingJayFlyingFree. Thanks @sunsetsrmydreams

471. hiyosakura said:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help find this everlark fic. I’m not sure if it’s completed or not but it also has hayffie in it a bit I think. So the story is that k and p fall in love before their games and they meet at their tree in school or something but then they get reaped and I can’t remember what happens after that but during the quarter quell Katniss is actually pregnant and Peeta and Katniss are able to communicate with their lips touching.

FOUND! That’s 74th Hunger games Challenge: We Always Were - Jamie Sommers(*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

470. ptx-holic said:

Hi, i’m looking for a fic where katniss is in a relationship with gale and then she met peeta and they are in a relationship but they caught katniss having two relationship and katniss move to somewhere and then she came back few years later and met peeta again. I’m sorry if this is confusing for you but i can’t find it. Thank you :)

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#SSD #sunday stumped day #compilation #mod post

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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375

Choose any age you once were; answer the questions about you at THAT age. Age of choice: 17 (this was in 2015), as determined by Gab haha. The People I Knew Who was your crush (or significant other) back then? I was with Gab for the first half of the year, but I broke up with her too. Was anyone crushing on you? If so, who? I dunno, possibly. I was never entirely sure of Gab’s feelings in the first run of our relationship cos we rushed the whole thing really, so I don’t want to assume and say that she was attracted to me then. Who was your best friend at the time? Sofie, Angela, and Gab. Pretty much the same crew except I don’t talk to Sofie anymore. Any enemies/people you didn't like? Marielle, as always. Which family member were you closest to? I’ve never been close to my family, but if I had to name someone I guess it would be one of my older cousins, who I call Kuya since he feels just like an older brother to me.

Which family member were you the least close to? My mom. If you were in school, name a teacher you had: That was senior year, sooooo...Ms. Michelle. She was our class adviser but she also taught homeroom. What was your attitude toward people in general? I think I relied on other people a lot, because that was the year my grandfather died (first time I ever had to deal with death) and I got dumped and for the first time in several years, I suddenly cut Gabie out of my life. It took some adjusting that could’ve only been fixed by surrounding myself with others. It also helps that it was our last year in high school so it was a year when my classmates and I really bonded together. The Places I Went: Whose house were you at the most? I didn’t go to a lot of friends’ at the time but it was most probably either Athenna’s or Angela’s. Where was your favorite place to go to have fun? Chelsea’s house I think haha. My friend group weren’t mall people, we just hung out at the houses of those who’d be willing to accommodate us for the evening and for the most part, that was Chelsea’s place. Did you go on any vacations at that age? If so, where? Sagada/Baguio is the most significant one that comes to mind, but I’m sure we went someplace else but I’ve just forgotten. Where was your favorite place to shop? I didn’t shop much at the time. Favorite place to eat out at the time? I don’t think I had a favorite. I was stuck in school for 10 hours for 5 days straight for 14 years and we were far far away from the city, so going to the mall and trying out restaurants were very seldom. Did you go to any concerts? If so, who did you go to see? I did! I saw One Direction. Barely though, since our seats were far and it was held on mere concert grounds (not an arena which has multi-levels), meaning if you were far away then you had no chance of actually seeing the artist/s. We were far but still close enough that we could make them out, and that was good enough for me. Did you prefer being indoors or outdoors? I was definitely an indoors baby. I still am but I also like going outside now. What state/province did you live in at the time? I’ve been living in the same house. The Things I Did What did you and your friends usually do when you hung out? We were minors, so we’d usually get together for each other’s school events. Half of my friend group was from an all-girls school (AA), and the other half is from an all-boys school (Ateneo). If Ateneo had some sort of benefit concert or fair, we’d go there. If we had our own fair or concert or whatever, the boys would come over to hang with us. If it wasn’t a school thing then we’d normally hang out at someone’s place and order in food. It was a simpler time. What did you usually do in your free time? 2015 was a busy year and whatever free time I got, I used to take charge of the school yearbook or study for college entrance exams. Was there anything extra memorable you did at this age? Yes. I had my first kiss, first breakup, first experience with death, and I went to Sagada and was at peace with myself for the first time that year. I also passed the 3/3 universities I applied for. Oh and I was able to mend my relationship with Gabie and we ended up so much closer than I ever thought we would get. Pretty crazy year. Did you kiss anyone? If so, who? I did. Gab was my first kiss. I thought I was terrible but a few years later she showed a Tumblr post of hers writing about that kiss, and she seemed to think otherwise. Did you ever get in trouble for anything? Like what? I probably did, but I’ve most likely discarded it from my memories. What kind of music did you usually listen to? Up Dharma Down, BP Valenzuela, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith...I was into a lot of sad music because again, I went through a breakup and it had been a pretty shitty year. Oh and that was the year Adele’s Hello came out which was the icing to my shitty fucking cake. Did you buy anything that you still have to this day? What was it? I’m sure I do, but I don’t keep track of the years I buy my stuff. Did you ever get teased for anything? I don’t think so. What was something you got upset over, if any? I recapped all of them several questions ago, my friend. What was something you got really excited over, if any? Passing the UPCAT and getting Gabie back (as my best friend) were the pots of gold I needed (and got) by the end of 2015. There was no better way to cap off the year. The Things I Liked... & Didn't Like A band/singer you liked? I was on a One Direction high throughout 2015 since I saw them in concert. Hozier also blew up that year and I was alllll over his first album; Athenna introduced me to Banks and I stanned her album as well. A band/singer you didn't like? Meghan Trainor probs. A song you liked? Even If You Asked Me - BP Valenzuela. I continue to stan that song h a r d even four years later. A song you didn't like? Idk anything Meghan Trainor or Ellie Goulding put out. A subject in school you liked? English but only because it was incredibly easy and Hamlet was a breeze. I hated the teacher and I knew she hated me too though. A subject in school you didn't like? I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about calculus. A food you liked? Chocolate chip cookie cups with milk shots were the trend back then and I remember going crazy over them. I’d still have 10 of those today if there were some in front of me. A food you didn't like? Fruits. Something you liked to do? Hahahaha. I liked passing by Gabie’s classroom. She knew she made a mistake dumping me, and while it was really evil of me, I really enjoyed passing by everyday cos I just knew she’d watch me the whole time. I asked her about this when we got back together and my hunch was right. Something you just didn't like to do? Working on calculus worksheets, so I never did attend to those. Still ended up at the top university, so that’s a nice ‘fuck you.’ A TV show you liked? Breaking Bad. A TV show you didn't like? Not so sure. Whatever was hyped back then. Maybe How I Met? A person you liked (as a friend)? Angela. A person you didn't exactly like? Marielle. The Things I Owned Did you own any electronic devices? If so, what? Sure. I had an iPhone 5 then and my old HP laptop. What about toys? I was 17. Overall, what did you have in your room? I think I still had my wrestling posters up during that time, and I also had a letter art thingy on the wall with the quote, “There isn't a person on this planet that should let a past nightmare dictate or cloud their future dreams,” said by CM Punk. I had darker curtains at the time so it was so much easier to be in an ~emo mood while I listened to dark indie songs hahaha. Were any posters plastered on your wall? Of who/what? ^ Refer to previous question. Do you remember what kind of backpack you had for school, if any? Yes, it was a black Nike backpack with yellow accents. Did you own a diary/journal? If my survey blog counts, then yes.

Can you name one thing you got for your birthday at that age? Yanna got me my favorite brand of wafers. I’ll never forget that present, it was so sweet. Did you own a bike/car? Or anything for transportation besides walking? My dad got me a car by the end of the year but I didn’t learn how to use it until the next year. I went to and from school via school service, which is our version of a school bus. What kind of clothes did you usually wear? Meh, my style had still been pretty basic at the time so nothing special. When you go to a private all-girls Catholic school that requires you to wear a uniform for 10 months in any given year, you never really have the time to explore styles that exist beyond your plaid skirt and your white socks. The Things That Were IN What band/singer was very popular, if you can remember? The Weeknd, Drake, Rihanna, Adele, Ed Sheeran. One Direction was pretty big but only because Zayn left that year. What was one song that was played on the radio a lot? Hahaha I had to look this up since I’m terrible with hit songs and the years they came out. The song that screamed to me the most to mention it is Fetty Wap’s Trap Queen. Shit BLEW up in 2015. I’m listening to it rn just for old time’s sake and it still seriously bops. What was something most people your age owned (or HAD to have)? iPhone 5. At the time, it was the perfect phone in the perfect size. Now I can’t stand seeing one cos I had mine for so long, even while everyone overtook me with iPhone 6′s and 7′s lmao. Was Facebook popular yet? Oh yeah. Very much. What book series was the most popular? I’m not so sure about that. Murakami got really popular in my circle at the time, but I’m not sure if that applies everywhere else. What TV series was the most popular? Probably Game of Thrones. What movie did a ton of people go to see? I had to look this up, but apparently there was an Avengers movie out this year. What kind of clothes were most people wearing? Off-shoulders started to spread in 2015, if I remember correctly. Did you tend to like what was popular, or not really? I was sort of in the middle. I listened to One Direction and Rihanna, but I also liked nonconventional stuff like punk rock and wrestling. It’s the same today. What I Think Now Overall, what was it like to be this age? It was definitely one of the better years. 17 was a defining year, and I lost a lot and gained a lot and learned a lot. I’d have no problem rewinding 2015 if I absolutely had to, even if it meant going through the ugly shit again. Looking back, do you miss being this age? I do. I was happier. Do you prefer being the age you are now? To some extent, yes. I don’t really like dwelling in the past. But I do acknowledge that I was happier when I was 17. Now to make you feel old: What year was it when you were this age? 2015. Pretty recent, sis. Would you relive this age all over again? Already said that I would. I’d want to learn as much as I did that year, all over again.

#survey #surveys

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withinthevision-blog · 7 years

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There’s a lot of things I need to write about tonight. Things I can’t stop thinking about, or take my mind off, things that are driving me insane that I need to get out somewhere and this seems like the only appropriate place to do it. If for whatever reason you’re reading this, I want to forewarn that this is going to get sappy, apologetic, poetic, and just kinda miserable all the way through. But then again, this is for me, not you. So please, remember these are memoirs and thoughts, not some fictional thing for opinions.That said, here goes.

A Letter To My Ex -

I’ve needed to talk about you for a very long time, but I can’t ever really bare it. Its been years now, but I guess that’s what both love and heartbreak are. Because I felt both of those, not that I really have anything but memories of either anymore. I guess you’re the reason I’ve become so closed off, not that I’m blaming you. Of course I could never blame you.

I remember how we met, you were crying in an exam, and me, both being curious and having literally the most horrendous White Saviour complex anyone has ever seen, decided to talk to you after the exam. I won’t lie, I don’t even remember seeing you around school before that day - You were part of that invisible crowd, you know the ones, they’re at every school, kept to their own, straight A’s etc. I could never work out why you trusted me so quickly, maybe because I was the only one who ever really asked? I don’t know, and I guess I never will! I remember I badgered you to talk about whatever was bothering you for about a month, and one day, you knocked on one of the music room doors while I was teaching guitar, and when I opened it, you burst into tears. I think that was the moment we really started to love each other, if I’m frank, I finally had someone real to care for, and you finally had someone who’d hold you.

The relationship went well, for about a year and a half, we’d moved in together, or more accurately I’d moved in with you. And I was happier than I can ever remember being before then, or since then, but the same couldn’t be said for you. Looking back on it I can almost see the change in you, wherein you stopped seeing all the good in me, and started noticing the bad. When my blunt honesty became arrogance, where my violent pasttime became something to worry about, rather than something to keep you safe. I see all of that now, but hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Needless to say, six months later. you broke it off with me. January 1st, 2014, I remember it perfectly. I remember going to your house and crying to you, begging you not to do this. But to your credit you stuck with your decision and let me walk away.

I don’t blame you for this at all, I was a nasty person back then, and you’re never going to hear me say any of this because we’ve barely spoken since. You’re never going to hear about how drunk I got the night you broke up with me, about how I failed college because I couldn’t not think about you, but these are just that - My failures - And they started with my failure to see that I was no longer needed by you, and that I was becoming the exact thing I started talking to you for, just another one of your problems.

I’ll never get to tell you how proud I am that you had the strength to do what you did, and I know you’ve grown to be a beautiful, proud woman. And I respect every inch of that, you never needed me, but I sure as hell needed you. But most importantly, you’ll never hear me say this because I AM over you. I am, but you were the last time I felt love, and it’s hard not to think of you, and how happy I was then, whenever I feel lonely, on nights like tonight where I’m typing stupid letters to people on Tumblr to hopefully make myself feel that little bit better.

To My First Friend -

God, this isn’t even a sappy story. Not anywhere near as bad as the last one, probably won’t be anywhere near as long either. But I feel like typing about you, just once. You won’t see it I know, but I want there to be some evidence, somewhere of how damned much you actually mean to me. Asshole.

I remember the day I met you too, the first day of high school, you shook my hand, squeezed a lil too hard, I thought it was a game, and squeezed back. I remember how much you cried, you were small back then, quite fat too. I nearly broke your goddamned fingers. And you hated me, for months. I can’t remember why or when we got over that - I do remember you coming to my house one day and just apologising for whatever it was you were apologizing for, and that was that! From that day onwards, we were nigh on inseperable. Still kinda aren’t I guess...

Two years ago, we went to America, just me and you, for 6 weeks. That’s where our bond has gotten too, You trusted me enough to follow me 4000 miles across a fucking ocean, to live with people neither of us had ever met, for near 2 months. Purely because I asked you to come with me. Those were a very happy 6 weeks. I’ll never forget them, I know I won’t, because I went on my greatest adventure yet with you.

Eleven years down the line. Where the bloody hell has that time gone.... I ask myself that a lot really, I look at you now. Taller than I am, fitter than I am, with a wonderful girlfriend, your first flat, I can’t help but realise how you deserve all the happiness in the world for dealing with me, god I know I can be and insufferable wanker at times but you’ve dealt with me so many times. You’ve stuck by me through all these years and I really cannot ever thank you enough for it.

To My Second Friend -

No I promise I’m not going to list all of them, I only have two more letters to get through, so bare with me here please!

I don’t remember the day I met you. All I know is ‘First Friend’ introduced you to me at some point soon after me and #1 became friends. At first I was jealous, because I’m an ass like that, of how close you and #1 were, but soon you adopted me, this outsider into your little clan of weirdoes, because lets face it that’s exactly what we were, and we were thick as thieves. Now sure, you were friend #2, but for a very long time you were my best friend, my brother, and lord knows if you ever need me I’ll still be there.

I remember this one day in particular. We decided to walk from my house - to a house party the town over, a 14ish mile trek by our count. I remember preparing for it, the backpacks filled with energy drink, packed lunches, cigarettes for me, and those weird orange tablet thingies for you. You never did eat any fruit or veg. I remember how halfway through this trip, we came to a fork in the road, left had a few feet of mud, right looked fine, so we took right, turns out, it was a fucking bog. Fun. I remember how I got stuck, so I yelled for you, and without missing a beat you turned and ran back across this knee deep, stinging nettle infested bog to come and help me. You never complained about that, never bitched, never even told anyone I yelled, as far as I’m aware. And I’m not too sure I ever thanked you for it either.

For months now I’ve been complaining of friends forgetting me. Well, unfortunately #2, that’s all about you. I couldn’t really give a damn about the other 2 guys from our group, we were never really all that close - But whereas they sort of just let me get on with my stupid little games, and my tantrums, and as I got older, my violent tendencies. You joined in with my games, bitched with me during my tantrums, and found a way to curb my anger so I wouldn’t hurt others. You know me so much better than anyone else, I’m fairly certain I know you better than anyone else too.

Which brings me to my point of this section, all of this, everything you’ve ever done for me, every time youve stopped me hurting someone, or even worse, taken the hit for them, for all the times we’ve laughed, and cried, and screamed, and faught, and drank together, I can truely call you my brother in everything except blood. Which is why this hurts me so much, you’ve watched me walk away when I’ve needed you most, you haven’t so much as asked why I’ve done it either. I love you and I would do anything for you. But this stings in a way I can’t begin to descibe, I’m crying writing it, and I’m fairly certain this won’t be the last time I cry over man who has as good as saved my life, several times over. I hope you come back.

So I’m going to move on to the really bad one now. If you don’t like ‘bad childhood’ stories. Please stop reading here. If you ever want to understand where my temper comes from, then don’t. Quite simple.

To My ‘Father’ -

I’m not going to start this with some ‘I remember’ tale, because frankly. You don’t deserve the effort to write something nice. You’re the only man I’ve ever known to leave his kids not one, but fucking twice! ‘How did that happen’ I hear you ask. WELL.

When I was about (I don’t remember my childhood too well, it’s mostly a complete blank) 8, I think? My Dad stopped. Literally stopped. No more working, no more taking his kids to school, no more making food or anything else. All you did was drink. You fucking coward. I remember how on a summer party, you dislocated one of my shoulders chucking me into a paddling pool. I remember how when I decided to take our shit of a dog on a walk, and it pushed me into a ditch of stinging nettles, you laughed. But more than anything. I remember the sound of you hitting my mother. I’m not sure if it happened more than once but I am certain it happened at least once. And now I remember it I will never, ever look you in the fucking eyes again. You had four children to look after, to raise, and you just couldn’t. You were a weak, harsh, cruel man. My mother is the most hardworking, loving woman you could have met and you hurt her?! She raised us all, singlehandedly, WHILE juggling a large company she owned, singlehandedly. And you couldn’t even manage the school run in the morning. Scum.

I promised didn’t I. Last one, if you’ve bothered reading this far, I’ll try and give you a nice ending. At least, a happier than ‘abusive father/abandoning friends/my ex/ kind of happier. This is where the real sap is going to come in.

To My Friend, Richard. -

I know I can be an absolute asshat to you, we like to press each others buttons, but I know I can occaisionally take things too far. I don’t mean it, I’m sorry for that.

These last few months have been fairly tough on me, from new years till now I haven’t really been feeling well at all. But you’ve been there for me. Every single step of the way. I can’t begin to describe how good it feels to KNOW that I have someone that I can call at any time, to talk to, to cry at, to yell with, to read my comics with when I’m feeling bad, or to play games or watch films with. That’s you Rich, you have been the absolute best friend I ever could have wished for at this time. I know you’re there. God knows why you put up with me after how I can act, but you do. You always do.

You say your family love me because of how I’ve helped you out before. But it isn’t you, or them that owe me. It’s me that owes you. Time for one more ‘I Remember’

I remember, the end of May, and without a doubt one of the worst nights of my life. I was walking a friend home when suddenly depression hit me like a fucking truck. And I won’t lie. For a solid few minutes I genuinely considered walking to the bridge over the A14/Dockspur and just ending it, but for some reason, my hands decided to ring you instead. And at 2 in the morning, on a rainy night, you walked approximately 3 miles from you house, in a fucking jigglypuff oneise, with a beer in each pocket to find me, you never asked me to stop crying. You just let me get it out, I sat there for what must’ve been an hour or so in the rain just crying, and you sat with one arm around me, and when I finally pulled myself together, you gave me a beer and a pep talk, you never let me thank you for what you did for me. You brushed it off like it was nothing.

Of all the humans that have ever existed across the millions of years we’ve been around. I had the good grace to not only exist around you, but to befriend you. And I know I have found one of the most kind, caring people I ever will in you. You have been an absolute rock for me over these last few months, and nothing I ever do will be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me. I don’t think I’ve ever told you what you mean to me, I doubt I ever will face to face just because of how closed off I am. But again, let this be evidence I’ve said it somewhere. I love you, Richard, you are easily one of the best things to have ever happened to me. You have quite literally saved my life.

I told you this shit was gonna get bad, but like all bad writings, this needs a conclusion!

Thank you once again, blank internet space, I’ve spent close to two hours writing this, there aren’t any backspaces, or redo’s (aside spelling errors) because I want to make this as true as is possible to how I feel about these people.

I struggle with people at the best of times. I’m a closed off person at best, and emotionally inept at worst. But these are a few of the people who I’ve felt very strongly for, not the only, but the most prominent in some way. But this is me, done for now. Once again with talking about how I feel.

If you’ve read till here. Please, these are all true, I don’t want to hear opinions on each subject, or any for that matter. Not that I really believe anyone will have read this anyway.

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