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#even funnier considering they both just got handed monumental losses
paladinnether · 11 months
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shoutout to the guy who had the "samoa joe is my tribal chief" sign at collision during the punk/joe match. you know what's up.
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luki-fanfic · 5 years
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A Kingdom For a Book: Part 2
I’m having way too much fun with this idea...
With one failed attempt under their belt, they end up having lunch in Chinatown before heading back to the hotel to regroup and debrief.  Tsuna and Gokudera end up sitting on one bed, Gokudera nose deep in a laptop, while Yamamoto leans back on another, and Ryohei slumps the wrong way round in a chair.
“I see why the Ninth didn’t want us to come here,” Yamamoto says.  “Do you think the owner knew who we were?”
Tsuna shook his head.  “No, I think he would have treated us that way even if we weren’t Vongola.  There was something about that shop...it just felt wrong.”
Ryohei frowns. “That’s strange to the extreme.  This could be challenging.”
Gokudera is nodding, digging up the research he’d been tinkering with even before they arrived.
“Okay, so that building?  It’s been there since the 1700’s,” he explains. “That’s when Soho was built up for the aristocracy, and the book shop’s been around since then.  Which is pretty damn impressive considering the wealthy all more of less fled mid 1800’s when there was a cholera outbreak and the neighbourhood took a serious dive.  I don’t think there’s a lot of business in London that have been in the same building that long, and if they did, they’re a lot more successful.  At this point, A.Z.Fell & Co should be a historic monument or tourist attraction just due to it’s existence, but it’s only reputation-”
At this he tosses his hands up in the air in disbelief.
“-Is a handful of websites for rare book dealers bemoaning it’s existence!  There’s a 3000 word essay on here that’s just analysing the opening times! I’ve never seen a white noise spot as bad as this outside of the mafia!  It shouldn’t even be possible without mist flames!”
“Are we sure they’re not?” Yamamoto asks, head tilting.  
Tsuna shakes his head.  
“No,” he insists.  “I don’t know what it was about that building, but flames weren’t involved.  Besides, it’s too obvious in its refusal to sell.”
Everyone gives a slow nod at that, and Tsuna bites his lip.
“What we need it witness accounts,” he says.  “We need to know what doesn’t work.”
This quickly results in Gokudera frantically tapping on his laptop again and setting up a video call with Dino in Italy.  When he learns where they are, his face flinches – as if he’s just watched a man belly flop from a high dive.
“Reborn sent you where?” he asks.  “The Ninth can’t possibly have approved that.”
“He wasn’t happy about it,” Tsuna admits.  “But...it’s Reborn.  You don’t really tell him no.”
Dino grimaces.  “I feel for you little bro.  I wish I could help, but I’ve never tried my luck against the devil of Soho.
“The devil of Soho?” the four repeat, and Dino chuckles.
“Oh, it’s kind of an in-joke among people who’ve tried,” he explains.  “The shop is on a crossroad, and someone one suggested you’d probably have to sell your soul in exchange for a book from A.Z. Fell, and it kind of caught on.  Plus, according to Christianity, devils or demons are supposed to be fallen angels, and they guy is called ‘Fell,’ so...”
Tsuna guesses it’s probably funnier for the Italians, because Gokudera’s openly cackling.  Although that said, Ryohei is also grinning, so maybe he’s a fan of the crossroads story.  The boxer does often enjoy American music…
“You might as well give selling your soul a shot though,” Dino continues.  “Because I don’t have the slightest clue what else would work.”
Yamamoto frowns, leaning back in a stretch that almost looks painful.
“If we can’t buy a book, can we just buy out the shop?” he asks Dino, and Gokudera brightens.
“The Baseball Idiot has a point.  I mean, this is Soho, and that shop can’t be making enough to stay in business.  Can’t we just buy the building, or bribe the owner?”
“You really think nobody ever thought of that?” Dino asks, eyebrows raising.  “The Fell family are loaded; they own that building, and they’ve never accepted a single offer.”
“Then we’ll make it a really good one.  Reborn said our credit limit was unlimited for this-”
“Ten years ago Mr. Fell was offered five times what the building was worth and he didn’t even think it over” Dino interrupts.  “And if you think you can scare him out, think again.  People have tried everything from hiking his electric bills to bribing the council to shut him down for health reasons.  I hear the building was even set on fire once.  Nothing sticks, and it always comes back round to whoever tried their luck. An awful lot of enforcers change careers after a run in with A.Z. Fell.”
Dino sounds a little bitter by the end, and Tsuna frowns.
“That sounds a little personal,” he says.  “Did Reborn try and make you go?”
His self proclaimed older brother suddenly finds it very hard to meet his eyes.
“No, but let’s just say I have it on good authority that one of the reasons my family ended up in such dire financial straights is because my grandfather tried to ah...convince Mr. Fell to move into a building owned by my family so he could have regular access to his collection,” Dino says.  “A week later, there’s a freak accident with our accountant’s computer systems that sees 60% of our assets frozen while a record of all our recent financial dealings was sent first class to the local police department.  By the time we cleared it up the money was gone.”
Gokudera does a full body flinch.
“How-”
“I don’t know. And I don’t want to know” Dino tells him.  “Some of those financials weren’t even supposed to have a paper trail.  When my negotiation trial came up, I told Reborn I wasn’t setting foot in that shop.  That I’d try and negotiate peace in Korea before I went to Soho.”
Yamamoto whistles, and Tsuna’s optimism sinks even more.
“Where’d you end up?” Tsuna asks.
“Guinea-Bissau,” Dino says.  “Came out of it with only two bullets wounds too.”
“...Thats...good?” Tsuna offers, frantically trying to remember exactly where on a map that was, and Dino shrugs.
“Better than Xanxus any way” he offers.  “He was lucky to get out intact.”
Yamamoto immediately lights up.  “Oh yeah.  The Ninth said he’d tried.”
“Lets call the Varia, to the extreme!” Ryohei agrees.
“Not sure how useful he’ll be,” Dino warns as they say goodbye.  “His tactics weren’t really compatible with you.”
That’s hardly news to Tsuna, but a list of what definitely wont work is better than no list at all at this point.  Yamamoto is already punching in Squalo’s number.
---
Two minutes later, Tsuna is wondering how far he can be from a video screen without appearing offensive, because Xanxus is glaring like he wants to reach through the computer and strangle Tsuna for the crime of bothering him.  
Which, to be fair is Xanxus’s general mode of being, but Tsuna hasn’t survived this long by getting complacent.  Given his life, it’s not impossible Xanxus has figured out how to do it.  
At least the Varia commander is taking his question seriously – the glare had almost vanished when Yamamoto had explained just where they were.
“Whatever you do, don’t steal one” Xanxus warns when Yamamoto finishes up, and Tsuna finds himself leaning forward.
“You stole one?” he says.  “I thought the requirement was legal purchase.”
“I was getting desperate!” Xanxus snarls, almost defensively.  “Fell-Trash is impossible to reason with.  Not that it did me any good.  Cost me three months, my body weight in pride and a Lightning Guardian.”
At that Tsuna pauses, and glances to the corner of the screen where he can see Xanxus’s guardians, Levi included, not-so-subtly listening in. Xanxus rolls his eyes.
“Parasol-Trash is number 2” he tells him.  “Huge improvement over Belias, I assure you.  Idiot walked out with some old folio under his jacket, figuring we could negotiate after it was in our hands.  To this day, I have no clue what happened to him, but that folio was on display in the window next morning and Fell’s creepy ass boyfriend was wearing Belias’s shades when we walked in.”
“Boyfriend?” Yamamoto asks, and Xanxus chuckles.
“Oh trust me Trash, you’ll know him when you see him.”
In the background Lussuria is fanning himself with a hand, while Squalo is glowering and inching closer to the screen.  Tsuna ignores both of them.
“You didn’t try to find out what happened?” he questions, and Xanxus glares.
“Of course I fucking did!” he snaps.  “Even had the lightning member’s we brought along tried to put on the squeeze, but both of them are mental steel traps.  If anything, threats just amuse them.  Two of Belias’s closest tried physical violence – the boyfriend has this classic car, beautiful piece of machinery; I’ll give him that – smashed out every window and made it clear we were coming back to finish the job.  Car like that can’t be easy or cheap to fix.”
“It didn’t work?” Gokudera asks, and Xanxus shakes his head.
The trash left the hotel to get drinks, next thing I know the shark trash is getting a call from the hospital about them.”
The Varia boss jerks his head back, and Squalo freezes for a second, before slinking up to his boss, not even pretending to be subtle in his approach anymore.
“Were they still alive?” Tsuna asks, not sure if he wants to know.  Xanxus merely glares at Squalo, who reacts as though it pains him to answer.
“Voi, they lived,” he says.  “Looked like they’d been run over by that stupid car a couple hundred times, but they lived.  Not that it mattered to us, both of them up and joined a monastery in New Zealand the second they were released!”
Yamamoto frowns. “New Zealand?  When you abandon your old life to join a monastery, don’t you usually got to somewhere like Tibet or something?”
“Voi, according to them, they picked New Zealand because there aren’t any snakes there,” Squalo snarled.  “Don’t ask me why, never had a problem with them before.”
“Yeah, and that car come morning?” Xanxus adds.  “Perfect. Condition.  After that, I cut my losses while I still had something to lose.”
“It was their own fault for making compensation jokes about the darling’s car!” Lussuria defends from the back, and Xanxus throws a wine glass in his direction.
The Varia side of the call inevitably descends into a brawl, and little advice is coming.  All Tsuna’s managed to gather is, stay legal, screaming is pointless, and don’t threaten his associates or their possessions.
Tsuna silently vows that Gokudera must never enter that building unaccompanied.
Also, before the screen cut off completely, Lussuria popped onto the screen with one final titbit.
“Oh, one more thing.  Don’t flirt with the boyfriend,” he says with Bel half in a headlock and the screen on it’s side.  “Crowley-darling seems to think it’s funny, but it ticks Mr. Fell off no end.  Not sure how he did it, but I got food poisoning whenever I ate out the rest of the time we were there.  Ciao!”
The screen immediately goes black, and as a group, Tsuna, Gokudera and Ryohei all glance in Yamamoto’s direction.  The teen immediately starts pouting.
“Why are you all looking at me?” he whines.  
“Because out of everyone in this room who would think it would be funny, you’re the only one who’d actually try his luck, Baseball Idiot,” Gokudera snaps, and Yamamoto’s lip quirks, point taken.  After so much time hanging around Squalo and Reborn, Yamamoto’s baseline for appropriate behaviour and etiquette will never recover – not that there was ever much to save, if Tsuna’s being entirely honest.  
In the end, after looking at a spreadsheet of the opening hours Gokudera has on hand, they decide to hold off this evening, and try again in the 40 minute window that there should be just before lunch.
Who knows, maybe Mr. Fell will be more agreeable after he’s eaten?
---
One more part, and think it’ll be ready to migrate to AO3...
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