#except my triple axel is a face plant

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The fact I'm so impatient to intro Thor tho--

#no i won't shut up #be your own cheerleader #except my triple axel is a face plant

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: THE LAST CHAPTER!!!

           Their lunch went over the amount of time Pax had allotted, but there was no way he would cut it early. The appreciation on Merry’s face and the relief on Kally’s were worth every second of catch up he had to play, even as he bantered into the phone.

           “Are you suggesting this meeting is more important than my own affairs?” Pax let the iciness slip into Santiago’s voice. The other end of the line went into panicked silence. Everyone thought Santiago had disappeared for good, but he couldn’t yet. Not when there were so many unresolved legal issues to attend to and so many people Pax could mess with.

           Other than his phone argument, the van had been marked with uncomfortable silence. Alabaster spent the time doing his jaw stretches and exercises. Pax wanted to make a comment about a few other ways to work out Alabaster’s jaw, but—after one very awkward bathhouse incident where Pax forgot who he was—Pax had promised to check the mirror before he tried hitting on anyone. Or give tackle hugs. That had ended well with Axel.

           Axel couldn’t stand to look at him when he did this. He didn’t even like hearing Pax talk. Some disturbed part of Pax enjoyed it, like Muahahha! This is how if feels! But, Pax knew that was about as fair as betting against Prometheus or Tyche.[1]

On the note of feeling vindicated about triggering Axel’s trauma and why, Pax admitted, it was unfair, Pax had chosen to hang the Triple A Chimera masks in their throne room. That way, he would cringe every time he caught saw the Leonis Caput helm and had to rub the stump where his hand used to be. Call it the espresso shot of incentive for whenever he wavered on their cause or thought about painting weasels instead of going to one of Santiago’s business meetings.

           Axel didn’t choose to see Santiago again the way Pax chose to see the helm. Axel had voiced his opinion on the matter very thoroughly and with a lot of violent gum chewing. If Pax kept this up, and they found a way to attach an electrical plant to Axel’s mouth, Pax suspected they could power the entirety of Camp Othrys (Remastered) with his vehemence.

           As their white van pulled alongside the other pharmaceutical vans, Pax ended the phone call. He grinned at the others, shuffling to his feet. No matter how often he turned into Santiago, he never got used to the limp.

           “Good news everyone!” he said.

           Curiosity sparkled in Alabaster’s green eyes. He sat up on the opposite bench. “Did you get a dead body?”

           “I got a dead body!”

           Axel didn’t say a word or react as he exited the driver’s side. He didn’t wait for them either, going ahead through the back entrance’s hidden doors.

           Pax tried not to let Axel’s anger dampen his spirits. Instead, he focused on this opportunity: Axel had left Alabaster to his mercy.

Pax rose to his feet, almost stumbling on the bad leg.

           Alabaster hopped out of the van. He sighed and extended a hand to help him.

           Pax fished around his suit jacket—it became easier wearing the same clothes his dad did when he was morphing this often—and nipped a bite of his golden apple. He didn’t need to anymore. He had morphed into Santiago as soon as they dropped off the girls, but he enjoyed the sensation. Before Alabaster could withdraw, Pax morphed again.

           That way, when he staggered down and leaned against Alabaster for support, Pax looked like a voluptuous, hot chick whose curves barely fit in the now-tight business suit.

           Alabaster had a hard time looking at him. “Ajax,” he growled, though in threat or complaint, Pax wouldn’t know until Alabaster set him on fire.

           Pax grinned up at him. “The corpse is super fresh, only an hour dead. It’s the right height, weight, race, and age. How much time will you need to give him a proper, evil gimp leg and some Iago fangs?”

           That had been a fun experience. When Alabaster set to work making a mold of Santiago’s mouth from Pax’s morphed one, Pax had a hard time not trying to eat the bubble-flavored molding. Eventually, Alabaster switched the flavor to something much less delicious.

           Pax tightened his—her? Unlike Lapis, who demanded a certain pronoun, he never really cared what pronoun he used, even when his family jewels turned into… that didn’t seem fair that girl’s parts weren’t also called family jewels. They were as precious. Maybe family pearls? He’d have to consult Urbandictionary later. Regardless, her for now. Pax tightened her hand around Alabaster’s tie. The bracelet that Alabaster had made for Pax glinted along her wrist in the sunlight.

Witch boy had a much harder time rebuffing her when Pax was a girl.

           Alabaster swallowed at their proximity but didn’t withdraw. He looked exhausted, probably from hot-girl-overdrive from seeing Kally earlier. “To trick a mortal, a few hours. If the coroner identifying him ends up being a demigod…” he shrugged.

           Pax had forgotten, for a second, they were talking about altering a body. She nuzzled her face against Alabaster’s shoulder, her longer hair spill out the ponytail and across the two of them. Although the child of Hecate’s spell pouches were all by his belt now, his scent still hinted at the herbs he carried.

Other than that bathing house incident, Pax had been an upstanding gentlelady… gentleman… gentle person? Whatever. Which really meant she hadn’t had time to disrespect anyone’s boundaries, or so Pax kept telling himself. That and she feared she’d breakdown if she let herself get cuddly with Alabaster. She had to be strong. Strong Pax baby that used all that bottled up fear, pain, and anger to scheme. Muahaha.

           But Pax wanted hugs after not touching Kally the whole meal. And Pax had been so well-behaved recently. So much so, that Alabaster hadn’t set him on fire in months. Maybe…

           “So, I see you get hot and bothered by corpse talk. If I keep chatting about it, will you let me give your neck a makeover? Look at Axel. It’s all the rage these days,” Pax said. It had been so long since she properly flirted, she almost forgot to make her eyes super wide when she blinked up at him.

           “Ajax, I appreciate that you’ve kept to your promise for the last two months,” Alabaster said. “Don’t—”

           Someone cleared their throat by the back entrance of the temple.

           Axel must have doubled back from inside to give Lucius the automaton donkey a bucket of oil. He leaned against the door, arms folded, glaring, though Pax couldn’t tell if it was more at her or at Alabaster.

           Pax pouted.

           Alabaster tapped Pax’s bracelet.

           Pax’s Mist hand dissolved. The glove collapsed into nothing, leaving the red scarring of a stumped wrist.

           All his concentration faded. Pax morphed back into a boy, clutching his stump and empty glove against his chest.

           That was meaner than anything Alabaster could have said, but Pax carefully kept his pout. Making Alabaster question his sexuality for a few seconds: a victory that trumped all other loses, including that of a functional limb. Probably.[2]

           “Even if the Belizean coroner is a demigod, he isn’t paid enough money to pay attention to something like that,” Axel said, like his little brother hadn’t been trying to seduce his friend and use a van with sleeping bags the way teenagers were supposed to use a van with sleeping bags.

           Alabaster fixed his tie. The skin under his freckles was bright red despite the way he tried to glare. “If we can properly set up the body in the swamps of Belize, it’ll look more like a suicide than a murder.”

            “See, that. That’s exactly the kind of violence I want. Good ol’ autosacrifice!” Pax kept his smile strong. He refused to puff up his cheeks and pop them while thinking about autosacrifice: the amount of blood that he and Lapis had shed to contact the Vision Serpent recently. This time, he wanted to proceed as carefully as possible and get all the supernatural, visiony approval as possible before things went wrong. No more rash Pax baby.

           He led the others towards the backdoors of the temple. He was pleased to see some new recruit had graffitied kittens around the door entrance. The next hallway wasn’t nearly as cheerful—Matthias had been focusing so much on restructuring the new housing that he’d only managed to put up posters of bands for this area of redecoration.

           “Santiago is making a huge point to say he’s traveling to his home town for something important next week,” Pax said to and winked at Axel. “After that, Mr. Soon-To-Be-Legally-Pax-Patriarch, you and Lapis will never have to look at him again. Except in family photos. We should burn all our family photos.”

           Axel clenched his jaw in his best illustration of I can be hot, mysterious, AND mopey. “I don’t like that you’re doing this.”

           That was a conversation that Pax wanted to hear again about as much as he wanted to watch Alabaster cut off his useless hand again. Sure, in a few ways, he’d asked for both, but that didn’t mean he needed another bonding experience with a hatchet or a grumpy older brother.

           Nausea threatened his stomach as he thought about how much easier it could have been with Kally there. She wouldn’t have let the procedure continue without him being sedated. But, she wouldn’t have let a lot of things happen that Pax knew needed to happen.

           He shook off the feeling, jamming his stump harder into his ribs to force himself to focus. They got to the elevator at the end of the hall. It was already opening with the auto sensor Matthias had installed.

“Yea,” Pax said, “And I don’t like that my brother got attacked by an empousa and won’t tell me about it. You said you were going to find a way to easily change the subject from our updated style. You didn’t say you were going onto Vampire’s Anonymous. Did you at least give as good as you got?”

           Axel sighed. When he rubbed his bruises, his expression turned wistful. They got inside, and Axel pressed his finger into the scanner for a quick blood sample to get to the top floor. “Ajax, I’m pretty sure I’d kill someone if I tried to do this to their neck. And, I would never give you a lead that obvious.”

           Pax grumbled in Mayan. If Axel was leaving territorial marks, he could have looked into whether or not Reyna or Thalia had gotten a sudden propensity for scarves.  Pax couldn’t believe he’d been so busy that he didn’t even have a guess as to which girl was Axel’s new best friend and which was his nibble buddy.

           “When she’s ready for it to become public…” Axel trailed off. He puffed up his cheeks and popped them. “Then you’ll know. I’m not exactly fond of keeping our relationship a secret.” There was a hint of bitterness.

           Pax huffed. “Augh, that’s no help either! Is it secret because of Thalia’s connection to the huntresses or Reyna’s position as praetor? You wouldn’t violate Thalia’s vows, but you also wouldn’t want to jeopardize Reyna’s already shaky claim as praetor. And I don’t know whether or not you thought relieving sexual tension through neck play was a way around Thalia’s vows—”

           “Ajax,” Axel warned. “Girlfriend or friend, I don’t even let Jack speak disrespectfully of someone I care about.”

           “Does Jack know?!” Pax demanded.

           Alabaster cleared his throat. “I think Lapis may have let it slip.”

           Which meant Lapis knew. Dude, Axel sucked at keeping secrets. “Ha! You didn’t mention Bast! Besides, if it was her, she’s not one to get catty with the other girls, but would be prideful about her including Axel in her pride.”

           “Not necessarily,” Alabaster said. “She’s supposed to be in the Duat. She’s been sneaking off to visit us.”

           Axel’s cheeks grew red.

           Pax’s eyes widened. “Oh?”

           “It’s not Bast,” Axel said curtly, eliminating one. “She’s a bit too… maternal and and—um—aggressive for me.”

           Pax shook his head. “Ah, having a hot familial figure that wants to bang you. Now you know how I feel when I go on lunch dates with my half-sister.”

           Before the elevator dinged for the complete stop at the top floor, something phased through the shiny metal. It scurried up Pax’s pant leg, tiny nails tearing into the silky fabric, saving Pax from Axel and Alabaster’s glares.

           Between the “Aye! Aye! Aye!”s, Pax laughed. Baller, his weasel, burrowed into Pax’s sleeve, nesting into his armpit. Once the door opened, two more weasels scurried about their feet. Axel knelt down to pet Hunnie on the nose and accepted when the weasel wrapped around his hand in a battle strike. Alabaster tossed Nietzsche, the albino, something.

           All three took off after whatever the dark object was as it scuttled further into the atrium. Obsidian doors were in the wall across from the elevator doors, one ajar to allow the rodents to enter. Pax wasn’t sure what to do with remodeling the atrium yet. It was imposing, as he felt like it should be, but they also lacked something fun, like bean bags and a dartboard with Jason Grace’s face.[3]

           He really wanted Matthias to design a twenty story slide or fireman’s pole from this room to the bottom of the temple. Matthias said that would kill too many new recruits. Pax argued that it wouldn’t if they made it end in 20 feet of feathers. Alabaster said Pax didn’t understand the science of impact, but that Alabaster would see if he and Lou Ellen could make some kind of Mist buffer to accomplish the task.

           Giggles interrupted Pax’s thoughts.

           Just inside the doorway, he could see three girls duck out of sight. The sunlight in the room had glinted off their crimson skin so they looked like vanishing demons or, as Pax preferred, ethnically-ambiguous cartoon characters.

           “Huh, Euna must be tending to the—” Alabaster started.

           Pax gulped and sprinted for the door. “Cho!”

           Axel immediately caught up along his side as they busted through the doorway. “What?!”

           “I let Hiro loose!” Pax said. He’d meant it as a kind gesture—honestly, his littlest brother needed to get out from time to time, but Hiro and Euna hadn’t been in the same room since—

           They skidded to a stop inside. Everything sounded peacefully quiet. In Pax’s not-peaceful life, he knew that meant everyone had probably killed each other. The sound that shredded the peace was a blade sliding against another blade.

           Comforting.

           More giggles erupted.

           Axel and Pax scanned the room. There had been a lot of adjustments. The massive walnut trees expanded to form a canopy over the front section of the enormous throne room. Light could still come from the square dome at the top of the ceiling, especially with the mirrors they added to optimize the amount of sun, but the atrium was still dimmer than pre-forest times.

           In the center of the room, where Eris’ pithos once sat atop an alter, was Joey’s statue, still smiling with pride. That and the throne were lit magnificently. Pax had made sure of it. Both to honor Joey and to annoy her if she could still sense the brightness.

           The two tables that had once been used for meetings had been removed, leaving the throne in the back as the only piece of real furniture.

           In a maze across the ceiling, Pax had added metal bars, like monkey bars constructed by a maniac, with ladders installed on either side of the wall to reach them.

           That’s where they found the chaos.

           A fourteen-year-old half-Japanese boy dangled from the bars beside a tree that was further from the rest. His legs bobbed uselessly under him as he scrambled to catch one of the crimson nymphs.

           Pax knew there would be sixteen of those monstrosities in total, but he only spotted about a dozen in the branches, playing Keep Away with his littlest brother.

A crimson nymph curled up in a softly sobbing ball away from the others. Near her, Pax caught sight of Euna. She was, Pax assumed, pruning some of that nymph’s branches. Although most of the branches were thicker than her arm, Euna snipped them off with single strikes.

           He knew the last nymph would be by the former fire pit, and was too small to play with the others. Euna had already named that dryad Resilience since it was a sapling stubbornly sprouting from Santiago’s tree stump.  

           The walnut trees had red leaves, like the color of the nymph’s skin, hair, and eyes. Something about not having enough light for typical photosynthesis—bla-bla-bla—chemistry—bla-bla-bla—child of Demeter. All Pax cared about was the fact that Euna had NOT decided to prune Hiro’s functional limbs.

           Axel and Pax sighed in relief. Alabaster strolled in behind them, unconcerned.

           At their hurried entrance, some of the nymphs disappeared back into their trees. Euna set her shears down, then touched the snipped off sections. The bark rippled, healing over the nubs to leave little more than a scar. She knelt down beside the sobbing dryad, gently brushing away her tears with her work gloves. “Your branches were criss-crossed. We had to pick the strongest branch, since they would have been sickly if we kept both,” she said.

           The nymph sniffed and crawled up to lean into Euna’s long, black hair that hung over her shoulder.

           Euna awkwardly patted her back. Then, she gently set the nymph back into her tree.

           Once done, she brushed her gloves on her jeans and walked towards them. The vines and leaves dangling from her hair and limbs seemed to whisper with each step. Pax loved the fact that she hadn’t learned to control the whole “god glow” thing. It meant he wouldn’t trip over her when she found odd areas to nap or that he could use her as a nightlight.

           At Alabaster’s raised eyebrow, Euna shrugged. “It’s not their fault that they’re full grown and have the mental capacity of toddlers.”

           As much as Euna looked disinterested, she had been tending to these trees, and the former-fire-pit-new-garden, religiously. Axel and Pax had been worried about their favorite homicidal Korean until they brought her into this room and the dryads flocked to her like creepy, Satanic ducklings to their mother. When they were a little more developed, he was sure they’d run shrieking, “Mom’s home!”anytime Euna returned from missions.

           The creepy blood-born babies brought Euna peace and purpose beyond murder. Plus, it sort of solved the satanic dryad infestation. Still there, but at least they were more like pets and Hiro’s playmates than unwanted rodents. (Pax heard that most people didn’t want rodents in their houses, which he thought absurd.)

           Euna smiled at Axel as she tossed something at his head from her pocket. “Happy early birthday.”

           Axel caught it, flashing a fanged grin. They’d been playing a lot of “surprise” catch to work on her situational awareness. He held up the glass vial with something gold and fleshy inside. Attached to the lid were a pair of familiar sunglasses that seemed to glow with an internal fire. “Is this—”

           “A trophy from our fight last week?” she said. “Yea. Congrats. One down. Eleven to go.”

           Axel looked ecstatic. He hugged the heart-jar close to him with one hand, then held out the other in a fist. “Pound it,” he said.

           She fist bumped him. Her dark eyes searched around in lazy confusion. “Why isn’t Kally with you?”

           “Yea, Ajax, why did we deviate from the plan?” Alabaster asked, shooting him a side-glare.

           Pax had been hoping to avoid this conversation for as long as possible. At least now he had the perfect illustration as to his reasoning. “Because you just gave Axel a heart in a jar as a birthday gift.”

           “I thought it was very considerate and sweet,” Axel objected. He stepped around the group, walking towards the back wall. As he crossed paths with Joey’s statue, he nodded a greeting, then he continued forward, to put the jar in the section they’d designated for trophies.

Pax pondered over installing a modern art piece on the back wall. They already had the Triple A Chimera helms mounted there and Phobetor’s piccolo-hatchet. If they were going to have a menagerie of random godly item and organs, you might as well shape them into a weasel.

“Where’s Lapis?” Pax asked, watching Hiro snatch at a dryad. The girl giggled and hopped to a different branch. He swung down from the monkey bars, onto the tree, not realizing how hard he’d smashed his knees into another branch. They needed to buy him shin guards or a riot shield for his legs.

           “With the new recruits,” Euna said. “How’d the talk with Reyna go about the soldiers defecting from New Rome?”

           Axel snorted. “We’re protecting defectors and her reputation is on the line. How well do you think it went?”

           “So it was the huntress!” Pax said and snapped his fingers.

           Euna gave Pax a confused glance. “Do you mean Thalia? She hasn’t been a huntress for… um…” Her eyebrows furrowed. “The middle of the sweet potato harvest?”

           The fact that time had become difficult for their sprouting godling wasn’t the part of that sentence interested Pax.

           “A month,” Axel supplied, patiently “You and I celebrated her physical sweet sixteen with her, Percy, and Annabeth about a month ago.”

           “Holy Titans,” Pax whined, “So she—”

Before he could start guessing, Euna waved him off, sprinkling him with dirt from her gloves. “It didn’t have to do anything with me or Axel.”

           Axel shook his head. “The prophecy she was trying to prevent is over and she has paid proper homage to her fallen friend. She had some other reasons, but they didn’t have to do with any current romantic intentions.” The way he said it labeled the topic clearly with Off Limits.

           “Hrm, and an argument between you and Reyna could easily end in a nomnom fest. Augh!” Pax ran a hand through his hair, messing up the gel and pulling more out of his ponytail. “How have I become such a terrible information gatherer?”

           “I don’t know. You were gone on one of your ‘business’ meetings,” Axel said.

           The first month had been insane. Pax had to meet with a lot of contacts, both in the pharmaceutical world and mythological one, to prove Santiago wasn’t dead. He and Claymore had spent many a torturous session on how to conduct a business meeting without discussing anything serious, so Claymore could handle emails that involved real dealings. And, there had been the rebranding. Pretending Santiago had found God or whatever they decided to change some of the “business” practices.

           Technically, Pax supposed, Santiago had found some god.

           Pax’s stomach clenched to think of some of the stuff that happened to him when Axel was too “busy” during their time at Camp Othrys. One glance at Axel’s bitter glare, and Pax calmed.

           “Hey,” he protested at Axel and Alabaster’s scowls, “I got this. You promised me. Six months. I know that’s an insanely long time for neither of you to have an aneurism, but I have four more months of unquestioned Pax tyranny and I think I’ve been taking pretty good care of us so far. Reese’s Sticks for everyone!”

           “Yea, but how much of that time have you spent as you?” Axel asked. His ears flattened against his hairline.

           Alabaster nodded. “You haven’t pulled a single prank in a month or worked on any art projects. Matthias has a calendar recording it.”

           Euna made a face. “How does Matthias have time for that?”

           Pax puffed up his cheeks and popped them, swearing prank vengeance on Matthias as soon as he had time to conduct a proper prank. He pressed the stump of his hand into his ribs. His eyes drifted to Joey’s statue, to what Hera had done to her, and to the Leonis Caput helm and to what the god of war—former god of war, he corrected gleefully—and the goddess of love had done to Axel. That was why he had to do this.

           That’s also why he couldn’t break down in front of the others. They needed a strong leader, else Alabaster wouldn’t be able to focus on cracking the curse of Joey’s statue, Axel wouldn’t be able to finally relax enough to play bump in the night with the girl he liked or set up the training regiment for their newbies, Euna… Euna would probably do whatever Euna wanted to, but he liked to think she’d have a harder time focusing on her new god-powers and sanity without him putting forward some effort.

           And, he wasn’t ready to admit to them the problems he was still in denial about, like the times he’d gotten stuck as Santiago and called Atë in a panic as he scratched and clawed at his own face. At Santiago’s face? Pax looked too much like the photos to glance in mirrors anymore. That’s when the private lessons started of How to Be a God 101. Atë had taught him how to alter a single feature on his face, so no one would notice the gashes. She had taught him a lot.

He forced himself not to tremble.

           Pax gave them a devilish smile, realizing he must have missed a response from Axel. “If I fail, you’re allowed to pull my ear off. If it works, I’m punishment-free for another six months.” He winked at Alabaster. “Then I can coddle Witch boy without interruption.”

           Alabaster sighed. “Ajax, don’t make me sabotage Camp Othrys to maintain my dignity. I will.”

           “I will be allowed to court him in polite, gentlefolk fashion,” Pax corrected. “Girls can court people too nowadays, Witch Boy.” He winked again.

           “You’re not a girl,” Alabaster said, not looking at him or Axel. Axel made the terrible mistake of thinking Alabaster was the older of the two, so would blame anything that happened on him.

           “I can if I want to be,” Pax said. This was when he was supposed to bump Alabaster’s hip if he was acting normal, but he couldn’t bring himself to, not when he had been Santiago so often. He wished he could pretend, like he had for that second by the van.

           “Kally hits hard now,” Axel observed, saving Alabaster a response. He rubbed his shoulder, the same spot that Kally had given each of them a solid welt.

           Pax refrained from touching his with his stump. He and Alabaster exchanged a glance before Pax glared at Axel. “I know your vetting process for Axel’s List of Requirements for Taste in Sexy Ladies. Don’t get any ideas.”

           Axel laughed, clearly not catching onto Pax’s threatening tone or the way Alabaster had set a hand on his spell pouches. “I’m just saying that she must still be training with Mr. Paine,” Axel said, “She must be bored, or even scared having to deal with monsters on her own. You said you were going to bring her, Ajax, and tell the others about this.” That bitterness returned to his voice. “And I think Lapis is going to kill you if we don’t have Merry start sessions with Hiro.”

           “Look at him. He’s as happy as a condor with a deer carcass,” Pax said, gesturing to where Hiro had latched himself to one of the braches and was biting at the bark. They really needed to get him down before he fell again. Hiro didn’t need the lower half of his body when he was doing the horizontal swing of the monkey bars, but he struggled more with the vertical jumps on the trees.

           Hiro, as they discovered, did not like looking up. It sent him into a fit. So, Pax reasoned, they would just make it so Hiro could move all around the temple without much up to look at. That didn’t work though when one of the more malicious dryads tricked him to the lower branches and he couldn’t boost himself up to climb and couldn’t use his legs to jump down.

           “For now. You know he’ll fall apart when his medication wears off,” Alabaster muttered.

           Pax couldn’t argue. “We do need a healer…” he said softly. “I just don’t know if Kally is ready for… this.” He gestured widely to Santiago’s throne room with its demonic dryads and eerie gloom and doom.

           “Are you trying to make sure someone is comfortable?” Euna asked skeptically.

           “No, I live to discomfort others,” Pax said.

           Alabaster sighed. He reached into Pax’s pocket to withdraw his phone and set it into Pax’s hand. “We need a healer in more ways than one.”        

           Axel’s shoulder slumped. “And maybe someone to keep us in check. If it ever gets to the point that you don’t feel like you can have Kally here, maybe we’ve gone too far.”

           Pax wanted to say Exhibit A and point to the heart in a jar, but he knew they were talking about his recent fad for dress up. Just one more week though. Then some poor Belizean tourists would find “Santiago Pax” dead in a swamp and his will would divvy up his fortune with his recently acquitted son, Axel Pax, as the executor.[4]

           Would that change anything for Pax though?

           There was still so much to do. Others could do it so much better than Pax, well “Pax” as himself. It had been so much easier not being himself.  

           If Kally were here, he would have to do things a different way. She could read all of them like a book. Stupid authors and their assumptions on people’s—haha—character. She wouldn’t let him do his weekly visits with his half-sister, or sequester himself in his room under the guise of business meetings, or talk to the new recruits as Santiago because Santiago was so much better as a leader than he was.

           Maybe she could help him find a balance between serious, tyrant Pax and that soft child-prankster. What he normally was. If nothing else, her presence would get Alabaster and Axel off his back. Kally would probably be so lost adjusting the first week, she wouldn’t be able to keep track of him and his movements or who he was. If he set Alabaster up as her tour guide, then they’d both be too distracted—

           What was Pax thinking?! He had to be there if Alabaster and Kally would be battling for cutest and most oblivious flirt.

           Axel had thought this through too well.

           Pax sighed heavily. He shoved the phone back into his pocket, squared his shoulders, and tried—as best as he’d learned with one hand—to smooth his hair back into a tighter ponytail.

           Alabaster tapped the bracelet on Pax’s wrist.

           Mist emanated from the silver and gold band and twisted until it formed a hand. Pax still got phantom limb spasms, but at least the Mist hand worked. He smoothed the gel back down. His stray hair, this week he took to calling it One Who Dodges Hair Ties, popped out to curl down his cheek.

           “Can I at least make an official announcement?” Pax pouted.

           Axel stepped out of the path to the throne. After a split second of her staring off into the trees, he dragged Euna out of the way too.

           Pax walked through the room. As he passed Joey’s statue, he gave their marbled friend a quick kiss on the cheek, something he’d done every day they moved her here. Had he found out that she had a crush for him before she died, he’d have teased her relentlessly, and decided to make up for it during her stone age.

           “I bought you a pre-released recording session for EXO,” he said, “I heard Suho’s vocals can crack any girl’s hardened heart.”

           He set the CD at her feet. He still couldn’t believe people bought CDs. That was supposed to be for creatures that walked the earth hundreds of years ago. Later, they would have to pull the old CD player they’d salvaged out of Santiago’s room to give her some easy listening.

           Pax continued forward, forcing himself to look at the Leonis Caput helm on the back wall. It felt right to have a heart in a jar nearby. The sight made him wonder if Alabaster had put Pax’s severed hand in a bottle of formaldehyde and it was now floating somewhere in the Witch Boy’s laboratory. Pax wished he could still move the limb despite being severed. Then he’d make it wave to Alabaster every time he knew Alabaster was in his lab. Questions to ask Atë when next he saw her.

           Finally, Pax leveled with the throne of bones that was sewn together with tendons. He’d thrown a smiling panda car seat over it. Baby steps in remodeling.

           When he sat down—bones were very uncomfortable; Pax didn’t know what his father had been thinking—he saw Alabaster mid-eyebrow raise, Axel trying not to avert his gaze, and Euna staring off at Hiro as he chased a dryad around the canopy.

           He cleared his throat. “I promise to kidnap Kally—”

           “Bring Kally with parental knowledge and consent,” Axel corrected.

           “Hey.” Pax glared at the interruption. “We’re not shooting for gold and diamonds here.”        

           Euna shrugged, proving she was paying attention. “It went well with my dad.”

           All three boys shifted uncomfortably. “You call that ‘well?’” Alabaster asked.

           “Your dad hits really hard for a mortal,” Axel said, though Pax couldn’t tell if it was a compliment or a complaint.

           “He kept up with his military training,” Euna said, “I think he’s supposed to be visiting sometime this week.”

           Alabaster and Pax groaned. Mr. Song had a very strict expectation for his daughters’ livelihood and Camp Othrys II didn’t meet it.

           “Anyway,” Pax said, “I hereby say that Kally shall come here, but under one condition and one condition only.” He pointed a finger at Axel. “You tell me which girl got your neck.”

           Axel’s jaw started to clench, but his lips curved into a tired smile. “You know what? Deal. You bring in Kally, I’ll leave hints that any capable spymaster should be able to figure out.”

           “Ah, a challenge,” Pax said. He couldn’t decide if he was thrilled or annoyed. The fact that it was a question between the two emotions made Pax wonder if Alabaster and Axel were right: he needed to relax and smell the puff pastries.

           “Assuming you have the time to take said challenge.” Axel examined his claws on his right hand. His pointer and middle finger barely had new growth from when they ripped off in the Labyrinth. Pax decided not to ask, since it was so inappropriate—

           “Is it easier to court your girl now that those fingers have become more versatile?” Pax asked.

           Alabaster choked on a laugh.

           From somewhere in the trees, Hiro whistled.[5]

           Axel’s face deepened to crimson. Those fingers curled into a fist. “Ajax, you have four months left before I can rip off your ear.”

           “Allegedly,” Alabaster said.

           “I think it was a reasonable question,” Euna said, “Those claws have gotta get in the way.”

           Axel tried to keep his expression neutral as he changed the subject. “How are we going to tell Kally about this?” He gestured to their trophy wall: trophies from the minor gods that they had killed—two tiny gods and now one major. Ta-da! Pax was really proud of them for sticking to their New Year’s Resolution. Some people went to gyms. Some people slew a deity per month.

           “Maybe we should ease her more into this,” Alabaster said.

           Pax had to agree. Glancing from Joey’s statue to the Leonis Caput helm, he felt a smile crawl onto his lips. A malicious glee made him tap the armrest of his bone throne. In an instance that made him realize just how desperately they needed Kally to keep them in check, he leaned forward and asked, “The real question is: One down. Eleven to go. Who are we going after next?”

 ***

All the Author’s Notes!

This concludes the Traitors of Olympus series. For those of you who have made it through all of this madness, I can’t thank you enough for taking this journey with me, and it has been a crazy journey. (Pax is sobbing behind me. I think I saw Axel wipe a tear away too. Nope. Nope, that’s just him showing off his claws…) I hope you were able to enjoy this ending (it is VERY different than its original conception) and I really hope you’ve enjoyed the ride! As always, I’d love to hear any of your thoughts on the series, favorite ships, favorite scenes, favorite characters, or even for you just to say a quick, “Hi!” XD You guys rock and made this possible! (I’m not crying while writing this, I swear)

By September, I’m aiming to have the first short from Tales from Mount Othrys out, the prologue to this series, so you might not be rid of me just yet. Hold onto those pitchforks!

 ***

Thank you so much to Mel, my betatester and close friend, for inspiring me and encouraging me to keep going (and doting on my babies while I traumatize them). I would have crashed and burned forever ago without you. <3

And, lastly, I wanted to write a quick dedication to my Merry: I know you’re never going to read this, but this is how I wish things could have gone for you and your Nikhil. I’m sorry everything didn’t turn out like a storybook ending—you did everything you could with what was given to you. Please, remember that, and remember to take care of yourself. Nikhil, I hope you’ve found your favorite place to jam to comedy R&B in the Elysian Fields, hanging with the other heroes, like you, who are so good at bringing a smile to people’s faces.

***

Footnotes:

[1] Tyche vs. Prometheus. I think Tyche would win, because luck always destroys careful planning.

[2] Yea, I know Pax hit on him as a girl. Pax will still consider that making Alabaster question his sexuality, since Pax believes Alabaster’s sexuality is exclusively dedicated to his laboratory.

[3] Some things never change. Though Jack does think Jason Grace and Axel are now friends much to Pax’s pouty distaste.

[4] In Mel’s betanotes, she read this first as the Pokemon, “Exeggutor” and thought of an Axel version of that. I mean… Axel is both a psychic and nature type….

[5] Melbeta note, “HIRO FUCKING WHISTLED YOU GO YOU SMOL CHEEKY LITTLE PAX GET YOUR KICKS WHERE YOU CAN GET THEM XD XD … OH GOSH THAT PUN WASN’T INTENDED AND WAS MEANER THAN I EVER MEANT I’M SO SORRY!” Jack, “I couldn’t stop laughing at this. I think you understand why I needed to put this in here XD”

#Traitors of Olympus #TOO #THE LAST FUCKING CHAPTER!!!! #I'm not crying--you're crying! #seriously-a huge shoutout and thank you to Mel for this. I couldn't have done it without her. #Weird that I worked on this for three years #The time before Pax was convieved and I DIDN'T have his shit all over my room now #Seriously thank you guys for reading #comment or Axel might punch you in the face #or is that incentive not to comment for those Axel fangirls? #Meow? #Damn it I just need to make myself press the post button...

[droewyn]

Give Me a Reason (5/9)

<Part 1>    <Part 2>    <Part 3>    <Part 4>

“He’s not really my friend, you know,” Yuuri informed the Uber driver.  He had no idea how long they had been on the road, or how much longer they’d be on the road, and the silence had finally gotten to him.  “This is actually a kidnapping.  Did you not notice the blindfold?”  It was actually a sleep mask, but the effect was the same.  Yuuri couldn’t see a thing.

“Lies!” Phichit gasped, swatting Yuuri on the shoulder.  “I am your best friend.  Best possible friend.  There are no better friends than me in the entire world and you know it.”

“Did you see that?” he demanded.  “Now he’s using physical violence to subdue me.”

There was a dry laugh from the front seat.  “Yeah, dude.  I can tell you’re terrified.”

“I’m resigned to my fate,” Yuuri corrected primly.  “You notice he’s not even denying the kidnapping part.”

“I’m kidnapping you out of love, Yuuri.  It’s a love abduction.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what serial killers say right before they—”  The car turned abruptly, and Yuuri fumbled for the oh-shit handle to keep himself upright.  Pavement gave way to gravel, and a moment later he felt the engine quiet as they slowed to a stop.

“We’re here!”

Having been forbidden to remove the blindfold until Phichit gave him permission to do so, Yuuri unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door, but stayed where he was.  “I forgive you for not saving me,” he told the driver as Phichit paid for their ride.  “Please don’t blame yourself for my impending demise.”  Then there were hands on his, pulling him to his feet.

“Good luck with your… whatever,” the voice laughed, and the car started to pull away.

“My unquiet spirit totally won’t haunt you for eternity or anything, so don’t worry about it!” Yuuri shouted after the retreating vehicle.  Gripping Phichit’s hand tightly, he allowed himself to be led off the gravel and onto grass.  The sun was warm on his face, and the air was heady with spring flowers.

“You’re in a better mood today,” Phichit observed as they walked.

Yuuri shrugged.  “I guess,” he said.  “I mean, I’m still incredibly homesick, Victor Nikiforov still doesn’t know that I exist, I’m still going to have to take at least an extra semester of classes thanks to Professor Just-Because-You’re-An-Olympian-Doesn’t-Mean-You’re-Exempt-From-My-Attendance-Policy-You-Entitled-Millennial Goddamn Flint, and King probably still hates me.  But I had the spoons for basic hygiene this morning, so go me?”

The floral scent was getting stronger now.  Much stronger.  “You bantered with Uber Mike.  Having non-essential spoons to spend is good, right?”  Yuuri made a noncommittal noise, and Phichit sighed.  “Look, you were eighth at Worlds this year and tenth in the Olympics so the Victor thing is in progress, you’re going to camp out in front of the dean’s office until she agrees to review Flint’s bullshit decision, which she will since she isn’t an ageist old goat, and King absolutely does not hate you.  In fact, he’s been PMing me so much that I can’t keep up with his messages, and coming from me you know that’s saying something.  He’s worried, and more than a little afraid that you hate him.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped by a finger on his lips.  “Later,” Phichit’s tone brooked no argument.  “First things first.”  Without further warning, the sleep mask was yanked from his face, and Yuuri found himself blinking against sudden brightness.

The world was a green and purple blur.  One of the blankets from their apartment was spread out on the grass, and on top of it sat a red and white plastic cooler.  Phichit handed him his glasses, and as he slid them into place, the fuzzy shapes around them resolved into an intimate little grove of lilac bushes.  The plants were in full bloom, branches nearly bowing under the weight of the flowers.  Yuuri gasped.  “Phichit.”  His voice was an awed murmur.  “Is this...” he trailed off.

“It’s Michigan hanami!” ��Phichit was beaming at Yuuri, delighted by his reaction.  “I couldn’t find any cherry blossoms, except for some little ornamental trees in people’s yards, but lilacs are basically everywhere.  Mackinac Island even has a lilac festival, but the hotels have been booked up for months and they’re really expensive and anyway, I didn’t think I could get you to put up with the blindfold for that long.”

“No, this is perfect.”   And it was.  If sakura blossoms were Japan – subtly sweet and graceful, with beauty in their very uniformity – then surely the bold lilac, with its powerful fragrance and infinite variations in size and color, had to be America.

And best of all, they were completely alone.  Even in a small town like Hasetsu, hanami would have them fighting for space, everyone’s blankets nearly overlapping in the struggle to fit everyone in for the sakura viewing.  It was fun, but loud and stressful as well.  Here, there was nothing to distract from the flowers, just the rustling of trees in the breeze interrupted by occasional birdsong.

No sooner had they slipped their shoes off and made themselves comfortable on the blanket than Phichit had the cooler open, pulling out treat after treat.  Mochi, onigiri, milk pudding, dango; each colored a delicate purple instead of the traditional cherry blossom pink.  “So this is what you’ve been doing with Ketty all week after practice.”  Yuuri admired a butter cookie and its decoration of sugared lilac blooms before taking a bite.  “It’s good,” he grinned.  “Different, but really good!”

“It was her idea to adapt the traditional recipes,” Phichit admitted.  “But we had to make sure I wasn’t going to poison us first.  Gods bless the internet.”

“I’ll drink to that.” The violet stuff in the clear plastic carafe turned out to be lemonade.  The lilac flavor worked oddly well against the sour citrus.

They made quick work of the festival sweets, and Phichit produced his Dominion cards with a flourish.  Yuuri pulled up his favorite “quiet time” playlist on his phone, and they listened to soft music as they played.  The two roommates were evenly matched and knew each other’s preferred strategies intimately, but managed to keep themselves from getting too competitive.  By the time the sun had turned golden and was starting to hang lower in the sky, Yuuri found himself lying on his back with his head in his friend’s lap, idly watching the clouds.

“Feeling better?”  Phichit was running his fingers through Yuuri’s hair.

He considered the question.  “Yeah,” he sighed finally.  “I think this is exactly what I needed.  Thanks, Phich.”

“Pay me back by helping me drill my triple axel.”

“I’d do that anyway.”  Yuuri was warm and comfortable.  He was pleasantly full of wonderful food, he’d won their little Dominion tournament by a single match – and now didn’t have to do the dishes for three weeks – and Phichit’s fingernails on his scalp were halfway to lulling him to sleep.  There was only one thing keeping the day from being utterly perfect.

“Do you mind if I text King?”  Then he winced.  Way to go, Katsuki.  Phichit plans an entire afternoon to cheer you up, and all you can think about is someone else.

But Phichit only nodded.  “I was hoping you would,” he said.  “Guilt/avoidance spirals aren’t a good look on anyone.”

*            *            *

Three days ago.

Deltatangofoxtrot: then she dragged us out to applebee’s

StandardDeviation: Ew.

Deltatangofoxtrot: ikr?  we’re in nola where like three different cuisines were fuckin invented and she wants to eat some crappy chain food we can get back home

KingElsa: That’s a crime against travel.  What’s the point in going places if you’re not going to sample the local specialties?

Deltatangofoxtrot: i mean i still proposed

lukewarm_mess: wait, what

Deltatangofoxtrot: we were already there and all

Deltatangofoxtrot: i figure i have our entire lives to teach her the right way to food and also tourist

KingElsa: !!!

StandardDeviation: Woah, grats man

lukewarm_mess: congratulations!

KingElsa:   ♡ ＼ ( ￣ ▽ ￣ ) ／ ♡

Deltatangofoxtrot: ty ty XD

KingElsa:  ( ﾉ ´ ヮ `) ﾉ *: ･ﾟ

KingElsa: °˖ ✧◝ (^ ♡ ^) ◜✧ ˖°

lukewarm_mess: have you set a date yet?

Deltatangofoxtrot: nothing firm but we’re hoping for autumn

Deltatangofoxtrot: we met on halloween

StandardDeviation: You want to get on that right away then

lukewarm_mess: yeah definitely, reserve your venue at the very least

Deltatangofoxtrot: …

lukewarm_mess: my family is in the hospitality business and even in a small town we have scheduling conflicts

lukewarm_mess: because people wait til the last minute

Deltatangofoxtrot: is it too late to elope

lukewarm_mess: waiting drives the price of food and stuff up too because they have to make the suppliers scramble

StandardDeviation: It’s never too late to elope but

KingElsa: GASP

StandardDeviation: That has to be what you both want

KingElsa: NO ELOPING!!!

StandardDeviation: My wedding was just a courthouse thing with four people there

StandardDeviation: Then we went out to lunch at a nice cafe

StandardDeviation: It was what we wanted and it was the best day of my life

KingElsa: There should be dancing and cake and laughter

KingElsa And champagne!  And wonderful food

StandardDeviation: But not everyone is okay with that

KingElsa: And everyone should be there to celebrate.  EVERYONE!

StandardDeviation: *cough* Exhibit A *cough*

Deltatangofoxtrot: i don’t mind having a big thing, i just have no idea how to plan one

KingElsa: And my groom had better ransom me properly!

lukewarm_mess: whose wedding is this anyway  ( ￢ _ ￢ )

StandardDeviation: Nobody does fox, if the gods wanted us to know how to plan weddings they wouldn’t have given us the internet

Deltatangofoxtrot: i spent like two minutes googling and then had to eat a whole pint of cherry garcia

KingElsa: !  Is that a proposal, Mess???

StandardDeviation: My cousin just had a big event-style wedding, do you want me to ask her for links

Deltatangofoxtrot: omg i will be your best friend

Deltatangofoxtrot: i will fight ninjas for you

Deltatangofoxtrot: and nazis

Deltatangofoxtrot: and spiders

lukewarm_mess: not if you’re going to be all groomzilla at me, king

Deltatangofoxtrot: i will name my firstborn after you

StandardDeviation: Stan?  >.>

lukewarm_mess: what if I want something small

Deltatangofoxtrot: or devi if its a girl

StandardDeviation: Devi is pretty.  Okay, I approve

lukewarm_mess: family only, maybe on the beach

KingElsa: A hundred people?

StandardDeviation: I’ll PM you when she gets back to me

lukewarm_mess: twenty.  MAYBE.

Deltatangofoxtrot: srsly you are my hero

KingElsa: …Per side?

lukewarm_mess: in total

KingElsa: ( ｡ •́ ︿ •̀ ｡ )

KingElsa: You’re breaking my heart.

Deltatangofoxtrot: STICK TO YOUR GUNS MESS

KingElsa: Stay out of this, you… you elopement advocate!  My tender soul lies in pieces at Mess’ feet.  I can’t go on.

StandardDeviation: Oh lord

KingElsa: Bury me in silk and seed pearls!

KingElsa: Scatter rose petals and string quartets on my grave!

StandardDeviation: *facepalms at the sheer extra*

lukewarm_mess: we can have our dogs be ring bearers though

KingElsa: G A S P

KingElsa: *clasps hands together*

KingElsa: You do love me!

Deltatangofoxtrot: those two deserve eachother

lukewarm_mess: (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ω ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

StandardDeviation: *nod nod*

lukewarm_mess: anyway, back to the travel food thing…

lukewarm_mess: does anyone have any suggestions for good places to eat in chicago?

StandardDeviation: Summer trip?  Nice

lukewarm_mess: autumn trip, actually.  peach and i are making plans to drive out for a weekend

Deltatangofoxtrot: superdawg for hot dogs

Deltatangofoxtrot: giordanos or pequods for pizza

StandardDeviation: I’ve never been, sorry

KingElsa: I always make it a point to go to Alinea.

Deltatangofoxtrot: O.o

KingElsa: The chef there is a mad genius.

Deltatangofoxtrot: damn king how much do you think a poor college student can afford

lukewarm_mess: oh, is it pricey?

Deltatangofoxtrot: does the pope shit in the woods?

lukewarm_mess: ?????

StandardDeviation: He means yes, mess

lukewarm_mess: um.  ok?

Deltatangofoxtrot: like really yes

KingElsa: Maybe a bit.  It’s worth every penny, though.

lukewarm_mess: wait

lukewarm_mess: does that mean he does though?

KingElsa: I… also don’t understand that phrase.

lukewarm_mess: i mean why would he go outside when he lives in a palace or something

lukewarm_mess: doesn’t make any sense

StandardDeviation: It’s just a stupid saying, guys

StandardDeviation: A mixup of two other stupid sayings.  It was in a movie

KingElsa: English is weird.

lukewarm_mess: *nods* ESL SOLIDARITY

iamworthy: Excuse you, AMERICAN English is weird.  PROPER English is normal

iamworthy: *goes back to lurking*

KingElsa: *fistbumps Mess*

lukewarm_mess: AESL SOLIDARITY?

iamworthy: Also cheers, fox

Deltatangofoxtrot: ty ^^

KingElsa: Actually, I’ll be in Illinois myself in October.  I need to make reservations before they get booked up – thanks for reminding me!

Yuuri blinked at the chat window.  What were the chances that he’d be in the same state as King, at the same time?  Not that his Skate America schedule would leave much room for socializing, but… maybe?  If the timing worked out?  If they were close enough to drive?  If he and Phichit left a day or so early, or stayed a bit late?

He tapped out a private message before he could second-guess himself.

/msg KingElsa what dates, if you don’t mind me asking

*KingElsa>> 20-27 Oct.  Why?

He sucked in a breath.  The competition was scheduled for the weekend of the twenty-fifth.  Their visits would absolutely overlap.  And if KingElsa was talking about making reservations at a Chicago restaurant, he must surely be staying in the general area of the city, right?

/msg KingElsa that’s when we’re planning on being there

Do you want to meet up somewhere, Yuuri didn’t type.  Wow what a crazy coincidence, was keyed and deleted.  Do you like me, because I think I might like you and Phichit even agrees because he stopped giving me a hard time about you and he only stops teasing when he doesn’t want to scare me off of something… yeah, no.  All the no.  Nope, even.  Hell nope.

Yuuri realized that he had been staring into space for over a minute.  It was too long a pause.  Whatever he said was going to be weird and awkward now.  Just like Yuuri was weird and awkward.  The little blinking cursor was mocking him.  King hadn’t replied yet, either.  He must be waiting for Yuuri to finish his thought.  Which was a problem because Yuuri was waiting for Yuuri to finish his thought.  His ears were burning, his breaths starting to come shallow and quick.  Say something! he commanded himself in desperation.  Anything!

Yuuri closed his eyes, held his breath, and keyboard mashed.

/msg KingElsa do you think you want ot meet for coffe emaybe

And he waited.

KingElsa didn’t reply.

Of course he doesn’t want to see you in real life, the cruel little voice of his anxiety whispered.  He’s rich and successful, the top of his field he said.  The restaurants he goes to have actual chefs and menus with no prices listed.  He even manages his depression without help.  And who are you?  You’re just a mediocre skater with three prescriptions and a therapist, whose college professor who is flunking you for missing too much class.  You’re too jittery, too awkward, too shy, too boring, too everything.  Too Yuuri.

His hands were shaking as he typed, his vision starting to blur around the edges as he hit the enter key, but he wasn’t so far into his head yet that he didn’t notice the two new lines displayed on the screen.

*KingElsa>> I’m sorry but I really don’t think I’ll be able to

*lukewarm_mess>> KingElsa:  you know hwat never mind so rry it was a dumb idea im sorry i’pp just go now

Well.  There was really nothing more to be said, was there?

Yuuri slammed the laptop lid closed just as the panic crashed over him like a wave.

*            *            *

“Don’t look,” Yuuri cautioned Phichit before taking a deep breath and opening his SMS app.  There were a lot of messages from KingElsa.  He’d known that King was texting him; it was why he had shut off his notifications.

“Of course not,” Phichit huffed in mock offense.  He had already stuffed his earbuds into his ears and pulled up something to watch on YouTube, but he continued his slow petting of Yuuri’s hair.  He really was the best friend ever.

Yuuri deliberately didn’t read the flood of texts that he’d received over the last few days.  At best they’d be super nice and he’d feel even worse about ignoring them.  At worst…

Even Yuuri’s broken brain had a hard time believing that KingElsa needed seventy six individual text messages just to tell him to go fuck himself.

But what to write?  Sorry I’m a human trash fire but you knew that when you met me, unless you didn’t actually believe me at the time, in which case: surprise!?  No.  That sounded like he was fishing for reassurance, and Yuuri wanted things with King to go back to what they had been before, not force the man to be kind to him out of obligation.  It was best to just keep things short and honest.

(a/n: Apparently I can’t right-justify in tumblr?  so quick and dirty hack: Mess’ texts are in italics.  King’s are in bold.  Sorry, going away now)

hi

I know it’s super late in Europe so you’re probably asleep

but I wanted to say I’m sorry for freaking out at you

It was odd how tapping out three little sentences could make him feel so much better.  Yuuri had built the situation up in his head until it was a towering monster of guilt and fear and then he hid from it, even though he knew from long experience that running away could only feed that particular type of beast and make it stronger.  It wasn’t slain yet – wouldn’t be until after King saw his messages and they were able to talk, probably tomorrow – but just facing it was the hard part.

“It’s getting late,” he told Phichit, raising his voice slightly to be heard over whatever his friend was watching.  “We should probably call Uber Mike to come get us, maybe get some dinner?”

“Dinner with Uber Mike?” Phichit was back to teasing him, and all was right with the world.  “I didn’t realize you two had hit it off so well!”

“Funny.  You know what I—”  A new word bubble appeared on the screen.

Mess!!

<3 <3 <3

I missed you!

Phichit rolled his eyes fondly at Yuuri’s expression and went back to his video.

I’m so sorry

I missed you too

You don’t need to apologize.

I just got really nervous

about asking you to meet irl

it’s totally okay if you don’t want to

I did!

I mean, I do.

It’s just… complicated?

I understand complicated

My time is pretty booked while I’m in the US

Even when I’m free I’m already going out with a bunch of people

and I know you don’t do crowds.

well I feel dumb

If/when we do meet I want you to feel comfortable!

Don’t feel dumb.

I just can’t help thinking that there’s no way someone like you could be interested

in someone like me

You are many things, but you have never been dumb!

many things like…

a mess?

The lukewarmest of messes! <3

I had to look that word up when we met, you know.

Your English is better than mine.

And I never went to university at all, much less had a double major!

So you’re super smart and hardworking.

And you can dance better than me.

you’ve never seen me dance

Whose fault is that, I wonder.

it’s embarrassing

I don’t want you to think badly of me

Solnyshko.  That is NEVER going to happen.

I know. I do

I just

wait what does that word mean

It means sunshine.  Because that’s what you are.

if you say so

I do say so!

But…

but?

Ah, and there it was.  The ‘but’.  The pet name was so sweet – and Yuuri had never been given a nickname before – but King was just using it to cushion a blow.  He had always been so kind and thoughtful that way.

The dreaded ellipsis kept appearing and disappearing below Yuuri’s last comment.  King must be struggling for words.

To tell the honest truth, I’m also kind of scared to meet face-to-face.

Yuuri let out the breath he’d been holding.  Was that all?

that makes total sense

I could be an axe murderer

No!  I trust you.

I trust you and I do want to meet you one day.

And see you dance!

I just…

More ellipses.  A longer pause.

I don’t want things to change between us.

And I’m terrified that they will.

Even if you don’t see me any differently other people will want a piece of you

And I’m selfish, Mess

I want to keep you to myself for as long as I can

Yuuri blinked.  Who was this man?

Are you an idol?

A movie star?

Haha no, nothing like that

But I do model, among other things

It’s a rather public lifestyle

I understand

Of course he did.  Even a dime-a-dozen skater had to deal with publicity when competing on the international stage.  Public interviews and sponsorships were all part of the package.  Yuuri had even featured in a few magazine ads of his own, including one very embarrassing Calvin Klein ad in which he’d worn a pair of jeans so tight they might as well have been painted on.  Nothing else; just jeans and a smile.  The thought of what King – or anyone! – might think of him if that was their reference…

He shuddered in sympathy.

let’s make a deal then

you be king and I’ll be mess

no expectations

no judgment

just us

No dance videos??

no

well

:/

maybe someday

Nobody’s ever asked me to just be me before, you know

I’ll probably be awful at it

you seem to be doing just fine to me

^^

“Whoops, our ride’s here!”  Phichit was apologetic, but Yuuri smiled at him as he rolled off the blanket so that it could be folded and stowed in the now-empty cooler.

I have to go, uber is here.  ttyl?

Of course.  I’m always around!

Sparing a last fond glance at his phone, Yuuri blacked the screen with his thumb and slid the device into his pocket.  He and Phichit kept a companionable silence as they walked back through the empty park to go meet their driver – Uber Christina this time – and head home.

If Yuuri had remembered to turn his notifications back on, he would have seen King’s final two texts well before dinner, before Mario Kart, before toothpaste and pajamas and goodnight hugs.  It was just as well.  The sharp intake of breath, the hands covering his mouth, the tears prickling his eyes; these were private things, and not to be shared with strangers or even beloved friends.

You’re one of my reasons, you know.

Good night, solnyshko.

<Part 6> 

#yuri on ice #original content #i have committed fanfiction #chat au #therapycouchfort #katsuki yuuri #victor nikiforov #phichit chulanont #this is now officially the longest story i've ever written #starting to head into the home stretch #and now i want to try lilac lemonade #but it's the wrong season so it has to wait #the recipe i found looks soooo good though #victuuri

[usatrendingsports]

WWE Uncooked outcomes, recap: Royal Rumble essential occasion set, Ambrose sells an harm

If nearly all of Monday’s episode of Uncooked felt extra like a rerun than something designed to maneuver prime storylines alongside so near the vacations, WWE made certain to sneak in some breaking information to shut the present.  

The announcement of the primary ladies’s Royal Rumble match in firm historical past was deserving of the feel-good response it obtained (even when the way during which the information was disseminated left a lot to be desired) and was one other progressive step ahead in WWE ladies being introduced as equals of their male counterparts.  

However the the rest of the present was clunky and repetitive at finest as WWE predictably relied on one more in-ring mixture of the endless feud between The Bar and Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins for the spine of the present as issues have been stored principally in impartial with greater than a month earlier than the following pay-per-view. 

Stephanie McMahon makes a giant announcement

The Uncooked commissioner arrived through limousine earlier within the night time, offering the sensation that one thing large was coming. It occurred following a essential occasion six-women tag group match between Absolution and the trio of Sasha Banks, Mickie James & Bayley that lasted simply lengthy sufficient for Mandy Rose and Sonia Deville to drive a disqualification by relentlessly stomping on Banks. Nia Jax was fast to the rescue and fought off a quick assault to toss Deville and Rose by their hair earlier than a artistic spot during which she stacked them up on her shoulders for a double Samoan drop. Paige floored Jax with a chop block earlier than hitting a pair of superkicks. Out got here all the Uncooked ladies’s locker room as a wild brawl ensued.  

McMahon’s music hit and he or she took her time strolling to the ring. Stepping in between the 2 sides, McMahon referenced the present “ladies’s revolution” and advised a quick historical past of how WWE ladies, everybody from Fabulous Moolah and Mae Younger to the celebs of at this time, “turned that revolution into an evolution.” McMahon then referenced Banks and Alexa Bliss’ latest groundbreaking match in Abu Dhabi however mentioned that wasn’t sufficient. “What do you say, girls, you make historical past as soon as once more?” McMahon mentioned, earlier than asserting that the Jan. 28 Royal Rumble pay-per-view in Philadelphia could be the primary to function an all-female Royal Rumble match. “If there was ever a time for a ‘Sure’ chant, it is now,” McMahon added, earlier than beginning the mantra with everybody within the ring as the printed went off the air.  

Let’s not bury the lede right here: This was the precise transfer by WWE and much-deserved for such a gifted and (abruptly) deep ladies’s roster. The timing, contemporary off the Mae Younger Basic and June’s inaugural ladies’s Cash within the Financial institution match, could not be any higher. However the best way during which the information was conveyed was virtually cringeworthy. Seeing McMahon, a superb on-screen heel, interrupt a hostile brawl to ship a babyface speech made it really feel like an excessive amount of of the fourth wall was eliminated. McMahon walked slowly right into a battle that had been weeks within the making and introduced storyline peace attributable to her mere presence as if she have been a deity. Even worse, bitter enemies not solely put down their weapons so as to take within the historic second, all of them joined arms afterwards during a WWE.com exclusive video to participate in a company victory lap which felt compelled and threatened to spoil the deserved goodwill.

Yep, it is a triple risk match

Uncooked normal supervisor Kurt Angle opened the present asserting he would reveal common champion Brock Lesnar’s subsequent opponent earlier than the tip of the night time. Out got here an offended Braun Strowman to declare why he ought to get the decision on the Royal Rumble. Kane shortly adopted and talked about how though Lesnar has an extended listing of superstars he has taken out, “The Huge Purple Machine” is just not one in all them. Kane argued he ought to get the shot except Strowman “is man sufficient to cease me.”  

Paul Heyman’s voice interrupted the proceedings and cautioned they should not “have this dialogue with out enter from my shopper.” Lesnar adopted him to the ring and the three heavyweights stared one another down. A nervous Angle booked a triple risk match for the Royal Rumble earlier than escaping the inevitable carnage. Kane despatched Strowman excessive rope and backhanded Lesnar. However Brock rallied to hit an F5 and stand tall. Kane sat up within the middle of the ring as Lesnar reached the stage, inflicting the champion to cease and stare.  

At this level, what else is there to say by way of criticism for WWE that hasn’t been regurgitated for the previous month? Having 50-year-old Kane in a outstanding title match at a serious pay-per-view in 2017 is unforgivable. The truth that he is taking a spot that ought to��ve gone to Finn Balor (somebody who might really bump to make this match thrilling) is doubly disappointing. That is both Vince McMahon trolling his personal viewers or just falling out of contact with it.

Dean Ambrose sells a proper arm harm

Seth Rollins’ unique match with Samoa Joe by no means got here to fruition because of Jason Jordan, who crashed the introductions in hopes of speaking his method into a giant match. His interruption was profitable in that it started to bother Rollins, who responded to Jordan pushing him by angrily agreeing to a match at that second. With Joe — who was greater than keen to step apart — watching outdoors the ring, this three-segment match heated up late with nearfalls. Rollins lastly hit The Knee for the 1-2-Three. Joe attacked each babyfaces earlier than exiting. After Rollins and Jordan complained to Angle backstage, he booked a six-man tag match for later tonight between Joe and The Bar towards Jordan, Rollins and Ambrose.  

A late-match suicide dive from Rollins appeared to trigger an harm to Ambrose’s proper shoulder, forcing the ringside physician to take a more in-depth look. Seconds later, Rollins walked right into a Brogue Kick contained in the ring earlier than the late-arriving referee, who was monitoring Ambrose, delivered the three depend. Though WWE did effectively to current Ambrose’s harm as actual, a backstage assault afterwards by all three heels cemented the storyline nature. Rollins was thrown head first right into a cement wall, and Ambrose had his arm closed in a street case.  

It is troublesome to inform precisely what WWE’s plans with this one. As a result of Ambrose’s arm harm was not directly brought on by Rollins, this might very effectively be the seed planted in the direction of an eventual heel flip and implosion for The Protect’s reunion. It additionally might be simply one other mailed-in episode of Uncooked as WWE can not help itself from reserving some variation of the The Bar and The Protect towards one another in lengthy matches meant to kill time with nothing at stake and little or no development of storyline. Contemplating the lengths they went to inform the story of Ambrose’s arm, let’s hope it is the previous. 

What else occurred on Uncooked? 

Bray Wyatt declares “The Nice Struggle” should finish: Throughout a solo video promo, Wyatt questioned why the WWE universe is so keen on Woken Matt Hardy. After heckling Hardy’s chortle and humorous faces, Wyatt mentioned “it is all enjoyable and video games till somebody will get damage and that is the place I are available in. However I need to ensure the precise individuals get damage.” It is Hardy and the viewers who Wyatt hoped to harm probably the most. After singing a bizarre music, Wyatt instructed Hardy to run.  

Finn Balor def. Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel through disqualification in handicap match: Fixed double teaming by The Miztourage grew to become the norm in entrance of a useless crowd. The fixed stomping on Balor finally grew to become an excessive amount of because the referee referred to as for the bell. The two-on-1 assault continued till Balor was rescued by a run-in from former NXT famous person Hideo Itami, who will make his 205 Stay debut on Tuesday.  

Finn Balor & Hideo Itami def. Bo Dallas & Curtis Axel through pinfall: This tag group match was booked through the industrial break and was created to showcase Itami’s MMA-inspired moveset. Itami largely dominated the match with kicks and strikes earlier than hitting the identical GTS finisher that impressed CM Punk’s model of the transfer for the pin.

Cedric Alexander def. Drew Gulak through pinfall in a No. 1 contender’s match: Alexander secured a shot at Enzo Amore’s cruiserweight championship with the victory on this sturdy three-segment match. Late within the match, Gulak intercepted a superkick to place Alexander right into a submission that Amore on commentary referred to as the “Gabba-Gulak Grip.” However Alexander finally reached the ropes to interrupt the maintain and hit his Lumbar Test for the 1-2-Three. Nia Jax tweeted at Amore to verify his DMs after the match and the 2 met backstage till Gulak stumbled in, with a bloody tissue hanging from his nostril, to interrupt when he apologized to Amore for shedding. A flirty Jax exited the dialog earlier than Amore turned to Gulak and yelled, “You probably did a whole lot of issues unsuitable Drew! Lots of issues unsuitable!” 

Asuka def. Alicia Fox through submission: Fox’s pre-match video promo promised she would “break Asuka’s undefeated streak” or freak out if she failed. She failed. A missile dropkick from the second rope arrange a kick to the pinnacle from Asuka and a rolling armbar to provide the faucet.   

Woken Matt Hardy responds to Bray Wyatt: Throughout an odd video promo during which he was enjoying chess towards his pet goldfish Napolean, Hardy in contrast the “huge battlefield of WWE” to a chess board. He then warned Wyatt that “my mild will illuminate brighter than any shadow your darkness might forged.” Calling all of his “Woken Warriors” to battle, Hardy promised to delete Wyatt and his “evil heinous Sister Abigail” in a goofy and meandering rant.

The Revival def. Heath Slater & Rhyno through pinfall: On the shelf since August attributable to Scott Dawson’s biceps harm, The Revival made their shock return simply when Uncooked’s skinny tag group division wanted it most. This temporary squash match got here to a detailed after a Shatter Machine finisher on Slater. After the match, Angle advised Rhyno and Slater backstage they want toughen up if they need extra alternatives within the new yr. 

Elias makes feminine mates, enemies: Earlier than the beginning of the all-women essential occasion, Elias advised tales about inspiring Tom Brady together with his music. After getting the gang’s consideration with the New England Patriots references, he returned to heel by brilliantly mocking Brady’s Deflategate scandal. Elias then devoted his music to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell however was interrupted by Sasha Banks and Mickie James, who gave the impression to be having fun with themselves.(“All the ladies need to stroll with Elias,” he added. Elias reminded the gang of his heel methods as soon as extra by avoiding a Bayley hug on his method again to the locker room.

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[ryanonwrasslin-blog]

The Wrestling Optimist - March 16, 2017

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week All of the authority figures on the main roster are TERRIBLE at their jobs

In some ways, this is all Vince McMahon's fault. The standard for manipulative, overbearing authority figures was set with Vince vs. Stone Cold, and ever since then WWE has been trying to recapture that magic, forever sticking to the idea of pitting the authority figure against one or more of the top wrestlers on the show, and usually shuffling them around the card like they do with other feuding superstars. They even go so far as to feud face authority figures against heel wrestlers, which is SUPER tricky to do and rarely ever works well except to make the heel look like the face.

But let's stick to kayfabe for a moment. On Raw this week, Stephanie McMahon, rather than devote her time and energy toward building to Wrestlemania and making sure that Raw actually, you know, is watchable for a change, tells Mick Foley that he has to fire one superstar. Mick, rightfully, is like, "Da Fuck?" and points out that, again, THEY ARE THREE WEEKS FROM WRESTLEMANIA and this is not an ideal time to fire anyone. She insists and he wanders around backstage in a daze for the next two and a half hours. And at the end of the night, after reviewing a roster that includes Curtis Axel, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Sin Cara, Titus O'Neil, and like 4 cruiserweights I wouldn't recognize if they hit me with their finisher, tells Steph that SHE'S the one who he's firing.

Homie, if you were gonna go the self-sabotage route, why not fire like Cesaro or Sami Zayn so that Smackdown could sign one of them and they'd be free from the plodding march toward permanent mid-card status that is their career on Raw? That actually would have popped me and gotten me interested in the direction they were going with a story. But no, Foley "fires" Steph, which shortly summons Triple H, who does all but fire Mick, which was whatever, eats a Sock-O for his trouble and then "re-injures" or whatever a returning Seth Rollins, you know, one of their biggest superstars, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE MANIA OF WRESTLING.

Alright, everyone calm? No? Well, at least I can skip the Let The Smark Out segment this week, because Smackdown Live, incredibly enough, was possibly even worse in terms of terrible authority figures, even if they at least serve a purpose beyond "Gotta get Steph and Hunter over."

So, there are two feuds on Smackdown Live that touch on Shane O'Mac and Daniel Bryan. The first, obviously, is AJ Styles vs. Shane. I'm going to skip the part about the build because it's covered below in my best moments of the week. But again, in kayfabe, AJ Styles absolutely has a point. That opening promo was like a fired-up babyface, pointing out all the ways he was wronged, and none of them are actually false or embellished or delusional, like you'd hope they'd be from a heel. Instead, he gets the crowd on his side and then goes to the back to wait for Shane O'Mac because he blames him for the conspiracy against AJ. And Shane, for some reason, on a two hour show that presumably required significant time preparing for in advance, doesn't arrive until we're like an hour in. Huh? Was dude just concerned about the non-title tag match and 205 Live (of which he's not an authority figure) going off without a hitch? Wrestling doesn't always have to hold up to intense scrutiny, but you should be able to at least think through the basics of a plotline without furrowing your brow. And if the story was, "Shane's a McMahon and doesn't have to give a shit about this job," then maybe they'd be onto something. But it's not, so they're not.

But I digress. Shane shows up, AJ beats his ass something fierce, to which the crowd cheers, Daniel Bryan fires AJ, to which the crowd boos, and then Shane gets the Monday Nitro NWO backstage cutaway during the "main event" which basically screams "we don't care about this match at all," and then puts himself against AJ in a match at Mania.

Now, maybe this could be mostly fine, and I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not way more hyped for this match now then I was a month agao, except for one other thing: We've seen countless wrestlers do terrible things backstage on Smackdown Live in recent months and not even get fined or suspended, let alone fired. Baron Corbin attacked Ambrose with a fucking forklift, Maryse beat Nikki Bella with a pipe or something, Dolph Ziggler was wailing on dudes with chairs, AND RANDY ORTON BURNED DOWN A MAN'S HOUSE. Corbin, Maryse, and Orton get matches at Mania, and AJ gets fired. Guys, we all know it’s one big scripted show, but consistency in the story has to matter at least a little bit or we’re just staging wrestling matches for no reason.. And also, no way does AJ get fired without Steph calling that dude in like .2 seconds and offering him a big old contract for Raw.

Alright, let's just move onto Daniel Bryan's role in Cena/ Nikki vs. Miz/ Maryse. Again, the build to this is mostly a lot of fun, but the authority figure, if you really think about it, is the worst. Miz has been rightfully murking Bryan on the mic for months ever since Bryan openly admitting during the draft that he didn't want Miz and then called him a coward a few weeks later on Talking Smack. Regardless of if you like Miz, Daniel, you deserve every bit of that verbal ethering you've gotten. And then on SDL, Bryan, as biased as they come in a feud that involves his sister-in-law and her boyfriend, books the match for Mania apparently against Miz's wishes after talking about how much he wants to punch Miz in the face. NOT IDEAL MANAGEMENT TALK, DANIEL.

Look, at the end of the day, much of this is done in the service of building feuds, and for the most part, I understand it (though not that Foley/ Steph stuff), but when you think about wrestling like it's a real show, and not with a winking nod at it being fake, the logic behind it falls apart, and that's just not good enough. But I guess what I’m really saying is, can we just get William Regal to take charge of both brands?

10 Best Moments of the Week

Shane O’Mac takes a bigger beating for a Smackdown Live backstage segment then Brock Lesnar took in his entire Mania match last year Shane continues to be a lunatic. That looked like a hell of a stiff whoopin’ he took from AJ, and as “meh” as I’ve felt about seeing the best wrestler in the world selling for Shane’s baby jabs, I can’t deny that this popped me.

That Austin Aries rolling elbow I mostly dislike that spinning lariat/ clothesline or elbow thing that a few different people do because they usually do it like Natalya where they spin, then have to step forward and throw the thing, thereby neutering the momentum of the move. Even Luke Harper doesn't do it very well. But Aries has the best one I've ever seen. When he comes out of the spin he is ON TOP of you and that elbow looks like it has extra oomph on it because of it.

Bringing back the Mick Foley/ Triple H blood feud It wasn't Rock/ Austin in terms of box office and hype, but the Foley/ Triple H feud, peaking with Cactus Jack's return, is probably my favorite feud for both men, and so I was getting a little worried when Trips was giving every appearance of absolutely neutering Mick, but I can't deny that there was a huge pop in my living room when the camera cut away from Mick apparently cowering in the corner of the ring but discreetly reaching for something in his pants. That was a good moment, though I felt less so about Trips getting to stand tall over Rollins at the end of the night, though at least that match is clearly on for Mania now.

SLAY MARYSE Wrestling feuds based on shootin’ are super tricky, but this Miz/ Maryse vs. Cena/ Bella feud continues to do the best job I’ve seen a feud do with “shooting” since, like, CM Punk. I have no idea how bad Maryse’s ring rust might be, but that genuinely seemed like a woman who is just going to punch Nikki in the face at Mania.

Dana Brooke, white bread baby face They stopped and started with this moment too much on the way there, but I'll be damned if Dana's goofy energy in the ring didn't get that crowd cheering for her. The timing seems odd to me given that we're a few weeks from Mania and Charlotte has much bigger fish to fry, but I'll allow the string to play out on this one and hope that they build on it and make her into the sort of mid-card babyface that isn't really present on either main roster.

Roman Reigns: Shithead heel I have no idea if they're actually doing this heel thing with Roman or if they're really content to let him wither and die in the middle, but R-double as a cocky, entitled dick throwing shade at Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker at once was a fascinating decision. Given that Undie has shown his own Bobby Hill-inspired heel tendencies as recently as the Lesnar follow-up feud, I wondered if maybe they were going to try and make the Dead Man play something of a bad guy here, but right now they are setting Roman up to get booed out of the goddamn building in Orlando.

Bray Wyatt... ewww I’m no big fan of any of the spooky stuff WWE does with Bray Wyatt because too often they half-ass it, and you can’t half-ass the mystical/ magical shit. It’s either real or it’s not. But Bray bathing in Sister Abigail’s ashes or what the fuck ever happened there was a billion times more memorable than the countless gaspy promos he’s done before about being the Eater of Worlds or something.

Sasha planting seeds I hope it happens, and I'm glad they're planting the seeds, but I hope they wait until after Mania for Sasha to even hint at hostilities towards Bayley. The night after Mania for a Sasha turn would cause just obscene levels of reaction.

William Regal, my dude That triple threat tag match at NXT: Orlando is now by far the odds-on favorite to be the match of Mania weekend. Adding that elimination stip is a fascinating stroke. It’s very unclear if any of these six guys are headed for the main roster anytime soon, so I could really see anyone coming out of there with the title, but I’d say the elimination piece makes AOP far more likely to retain. Still, that match should get 30 minutes if I have the say, and just be ten kinds of awesome.

Asuka stylin’ and profilin’ Asuka hanging by the pool, saying her catchphrases, and that entire segment, was a really good one for the champ. She’s never been more arrogant or looked better. I didn’t think they’d beat Ember on the way to the top, but I’m definitely starting to feel more like Asuka will retain and maybe go a little extra heel afterwards.

Let the Smark Out

I went overboard in the Theme of the Week on my smarky side, so I’m just going to list my two problems this week and not go too far in-depth about them here.

LOL Ziggler should be a meme at this point. I can’t believe how bad this heel turn has been.

The Club's self-inflicted words - Hey, Gallows and Anderson, in the words of CM Punk, "You need to watch the show." I'm actually debating making this into a weekly segment because I feel like WWE's characters way too often do the dumbest shit with the most obvious, self-inflicted outcome. And that's exactly what happened with Gallows and Anderson guaranteeing that Foley would put them in a Triple Threat match at Mania after interfering in the Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. Cass/ Enzo #1 Contender's match.

Let’s Rank Stuff

Two weeks to Mania and we’re so close that it’s pretty clear, with a couple possible exceptions, what the card will look like. So this week we’re ranking how long I expect the Mania matches to go, from longest to shortest. And keep in mind this is my prediction for how long the matches will actually last, not how long I want them to last.

Reigns vs. Undertaker (22 minutes)

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse (19 Minutes)

Triple H vs. Rollins (18 Minutes if Seth can go)

Corbin vs. Ambrose (17 Minutes because they go backstage and do goofy shit)

Jericho vs. Owens (16 Minutes)

Wyatt vs. Orton (15 Minutes)

AJ vs. Shane (15 Minutes because it takes time to set up a crazy Shane spot)

Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha (14 Minutes)

Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. The Club vs. Enzo and Cass (13 Minutes on the Pre-Show)

Neville vs. Aries (10 Minutes)

AMBAR (10 Minutes, longer if it goes to the Pre-Show)

Smackdown Women's Free For All (9 Minutes)

Lesnar vs. Goldberg (6 Minutes)

Match of the Week

Bobby Roode vs. Kassius Ohno for the NXT Championship - I was really torn between this and the 5-Way on 205 Live, but I have more to say about Ohno/ Roode, so I picked this one. I liked that they made Ohno look pretty good even as you knew there was no way he was winning. His offense looked and sounded stiff as hell, which I always appreciate out of a big dude. And Roode continues to just be smarter and survive by the skin of his teeth. But I also needed to talk about the elephant in the room: Ohno’s gear. That tightie-whitie and basketball jersey look was horrific. I have no problem with guys that aren’t as physically fit being really good at wrestling. I like the different body types. But the ring gear here is actively distracting and it’s going to hurt him.

Either put him in a pair of full-sized trunks that come up past the waist (think old school Dusty Rhodes) and let him wrestle shirtless, or get him pants and an actual shirt. Either option is fine, this option is atrocious.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Mania. Obviously, we’re headed towards Mania. But post-Mania, I’m nervous about how WWE might treat Smackdown Live. It’s been their best show for months, but change is a-comin’. Cena is reportedly taking time off, Nikki might be retiring, and word is the AJ Styles could be traded to Raw. That leaves an enormous gap at the top of the Smackdown card that I don’t see how they can fill without getting an enormous asset from Raw.

The top of the Raw card post-Mania would be: Brock, R-Double, BRAUN, KO, Finn, Styles, Rollins, SmoJo. And that’s without mentioning Sami, Cesaro, Sheamus, and Handsome Rusev. That roster is fuckin’ STACKED.

The top of the Smackdown card without Cena would be: Orton, Wyatt, Miz, Ambrose, and I guess Baron Corbin??? Yikes. If AJ goes to Raw and SDL doesn’t get like Seth and New Day in return (because let’s be honest, the rosters are already uneven), then they are completely setting Smackdown Live up for massive failure.

Do the right thing, WWE.

Hitting The Finisher

We saw the first concrete glimpse of a Sasha Banks heel turn on Raw this week. It was as fleeting as they come, an off-handed remark about "haters" intended to sew doubt in Bayley's mind, but NXT fans the world over had to be relishing it, dreaming of the inevitable moment on a future Raw when Sasha and Bayley are in the ring, perhaps yelling at a retreating Charlotte or Nia, when Bayley drifts a little ahead of Sasha, just far enough for Sasha to give her a quick stink eye and then... BAM! Backstabber into the Banks Statement. Even if WWE does its usual main roster, half-assed, telegraphing in the lead-up to such a moment, it will pop the hell out of the crowd and change the face of the Raw women's division for the better.

And yet I'm here to tell you that I hope they wait a while before they pull the trigger. Bayley seems incredibly likely to retain the title at Mania despite being the third best performer in the Triple Threat, and my guess is the night after Mania they pull the trigger on the Sasha turn. That crowd will eat it the fuck up.

But I hope they wait. If you want Bayley to retain the title, let Sasha hang at her side for a while, let her stay Bayley's friend out mutual respect. Maybe she helps Bayley survive a Nia feud post-Mania, while also feuding with Emma or someone from Smackdown that gets traded. The point is, let us get comfortable with Sasha and Bayley as friends, even as we all know that Sasha ultimately wants the title. Give Sasha multiple opportunities to turn, but never take it. Really build up the respect these two have for each other. Let Charlotte recruit a few others into a stable and let Sasha and Bayley withstand them, and then, pull the damned trigger after you're 110% sure you've earned it.

The Boss turning on Bayley should be heartbreaking. Right now it would just be predictable. Fun, yes, but emotional, no.

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