#gotta love life with mental illness

[gregmarriage]

having such a good time right now!!! (is manic)

#i’m jumping from one extreme to the next lads #gotta love mental illness!!! #literally one minute i’m like i am deeply embarrassing then the next i’m like everyone can go fuck themselves <3 #and back and forth and back and forth with no end in sight #literally take no notice of me #it’s not anyone ever does anyway #ugh okay time to fulfil the prophecy and impulsively ruin my life!!! x

[leviiackrman]

I’m very mentally broken and fragile rn so I’m making a new oc.

#personal* #jess talks #I love having life changing bad news dumped on me suddenly🙃 #really helped cure my fragile mental state from being ill for so long🫠 #anyway I’ve been pondering a daggerheart oc for ages #I’m making one with my sister for fun #and she’s almost ready #I’ve just gotta think of stuff for her board etc #but rn I’m doing her character info on her sheet #so stay tuned #she’s hella fuckin cute #and encapsulates all my emotions of this day😅 #ie she’s v sad but v cute

[foxgirlmoth]

I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more #She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has #She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same #But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites #And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that #But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever. #And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it #It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks #Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie #She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen #Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk #She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow? #But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while #Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess #And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down' #I can look at that stuff a bit more #Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too #Runa diary logs #But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything. #Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;) #Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people #And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living #I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's. #Its only uphill from here :3 #Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3 #♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[capriszn]

almost every cdrama i‘ve watched could have been a 10/10 if it wasn’t for those last ten minutes packed with the entire finale like every single one without fail got that rushed ending…. why do they keep doing this to me stop

#literally every single one!!! i feel like theres gotta be some sort of rule for screenwriters #and i mean the 10/10 i enjoy the storylines so much and theyre not comparable to kdramas like people would like to think #but they always do everything in the last few minutes and it takes away so much from the story #wifty is the only one i accept bc they fast forwarded their future and that drama actually changed my life lmao i think abt them every day #even a river runs through it which started of as my new absolute favorite show..whyd they reunite in the last 3 minutes i was MAD #but i can accept it bc i still love them sm #but the two most unforgivable ones are meet yourself which is also one of my favorites bc you robbed me of my wedding lmao #second one arsenal military academy bc they just walked into the sunset and they didnt show any of the characters again???? bruh #and i will also forever complain about love like the galaxy which had me obsessed and hooked like no other show i actually lost sleep over i #BUT MY WEDDING!!!!! give me my wedding scene please i am mentally ill and i hate marriage irl so of course i need dramas to end in weddings #anyways. i love cdramas #i have watched more cdramas in 6 months than a decade of watching kdramas bc i always drop them lmao #but please give those stories and characters proper endings im begging you atp its dishonoring the material lmao #personal

[manofmanymons]

.

#mom said it's my turn on the tags vent #so like #sometimes i trick myself into thinking #i cant have any mento iwness #i do well in school #bc despite me jokingly referring to whatever tf is goin on with me as the Mental Illness #im not like #diagnosed with literally anything #not even like anxiety despite the constant sense of dread that never leaves me and the Frequent Panic Attacks #like officially on paper i am 'normal' #but i digress #i really gotta stop using how im doing in school as an indication of mental health #cuz ive come to accept that im just a person who happens to be Good At School #baby sam living through The Horrors? still did good in school #fuckinnn 9 years old having cps and the police showin up at my house askin me a bunch of weird questions #still did good in school #height of my 'actually i fucking hate all of you' phase where i was constantly in the office for getting in fights #STILL did really good in school #completely gave up on life and legitimately believed i would never be happy again bc the only person who unconditionally loved me— #and was always there for me fuckin died #still got all a's in nearly all ap classes #deeply traumatized from almost dying during the pandemic to the point where i couldn't go outside without hyperventilating instantly? #would ya believe it i still did good in school #so i should #really stop going #nothing can be that wrong with me if im getting through school #bc even during times where shit was objectively severely wrong with me #it had 0 impact on how i did in school #lowkey don't even know where to start unpacking whatevers goin on up there tho #where would i be if my parents had listened to my doctor when i was younger who said they should take me to a psychiatrist i wonder lmfao

[bugdogg]

im teetering on the edge of something or another, feels like a breakdown but its more so falling back on old unhealthy habits that feel comforting to do but ultimately don't help me in the long run

anyway im coping somehow by comparing myself to dogs and going "haha im young, i got a ways to go before my evil villain arc"

#vent sht ig #unfortunately i do have mental illness (ik relatable whatever hhahaa) #my problems are never that serious but i get stuck in nothing mode a lot #im supposed to rest but i wanna do things and its not like im gonna lose this job anytime soon #so get used to being tired idiot and push through #adapt #improve #thats life and it'll get easier as you practice these things #its still hard #and i still wanna be lobotomized (HALF JOKING lobotomy's arent good for you) #i wanna have hobbies and interests #and time to think about them #AND TIME TO FUCKING THINK IN GENERAL #IF I SEEM LIKE IM NEVER FULLY HERE ITS CAUSE IM NOT ANYMORE IM IN NOTHING LAND AND IM TIRED #AND THIS IS AN ENDLESS CYCLE OF TIRED NOTHINGNESS ANGER AND SADNESS #and im the only one who can get me out of it #and thats scary to think about #if u read this than wow thanks bro #love you <3 #k bed time and then i seriously gotta start practicing new things tomorrow k bye!!

[goldenretriever-boyfriend]

im ok now 👍

#gay barking #had a mental breakdown #something that was keeping me going got. revoked? from my life? #and i didnt take it well. #gotta love mental illness 👍👍👍

[cautiously0ptimistic]

i guess i’m kinda like back or whateva~

#screams into the void #i guess kinda ish #i'm still v behind on so many things and i swear i'm not ignoring any of your messages and asks #i'm just ~mentally ill~ and I've gotta build up the motivation to respond #anywayyyy #life's headed in the right direction for once so i've been feeling a lil inspired and have been considering streaming some building #and stuff while I ride this wave if that'd be something maybe anyone would be into #lemme know #i've missed all of you and all of your sims #sending you all my love

[heffrondriving]

applying for a voiceover job as if i don't have the worst godawfullest sounding voice in the world, wish me luckkk

#i sound like a total fucking idiot gushing about luxury cars alone in my room as per the sample script but then again i just impulsively #bought too many new watercolour sets and these paids gotta get billed somehow so;;; please for the love of god accept my shitty voice i beg #four years of intensive high school speech learning and journalism/radio broadcasting training + taking comm arts in college and for what- #??? this awkward yammering mess of an incoherent human being who can't string one proper sentence together??? smh jätteonyttig 😤 #it's gone to the point of insanity where i'm entirely doubting my english skills because i've listened to the same audio for hours on end #like tangena pare ano bang pinagsasabi mo diyan konti na lang malulunok mo na dila mo. nasaniban ng masamang espiritu vibes amp #like there's a completely founded reason why no one i've ever talked to online has ever heard me speak and. yep. if u wanna know what a #damned soul being eternally flayed in hell sounds like hmu for a sample #i also had to do a video interview which was!!! fucking horrifying!!!!! i had to use zoom and idek how!! but i think it didn't go so badly? #i managed to bullshit some stuff about my credentials when i wasn't busy stumbling over my own tongue and making ugly faces so :^/ #i also might be going back to animation school in the next semester which. my unartistic ass is not all too excited at the prospect of 🤡 #idk man why do i Attempt things i'm not good at. i'm just a struggling aspriring himbo with all vibes and no brain cells idk what i'm doing #can't i just lie down in the middle of a forest and sink into the soft moss until the earth entirely absorbs me??? dream goals methinks #real life has been mentally checking me out so much to the point of accidental hiatus again i hate it!!!!! #do pretty girl don't speak #will delete #allen attempts to adult for once.exe #(except not really because i keep falling into illness and bollocked if i actually make it through this year alive 🧟‍♂️)

[sammygender]

i hate being ill 24/7 and currently right now. i hate being chronically depressed though luckily not feeling it right so much at this very moment. i hate as a result having to be CONSTANTLY emailing my fucking teachers going ‘hi sorry i cant make it today i will catch up promise’ and making them all detest me. ive missed like three of my required practicals and i cant make them up because i keep missing the days that they get rescheduled too. ive failed both my chem tests this term and both were rescheduled ones... now im abt to fail the next two. everything sucks can i just drop out already

#oliver talks #sorry for coming onto this site to whine about my life. i dont do it on purpose #i would be SO much happier if i had been less academic these past few years a comfortable B student #so much happier if i was doing diff fucking subjects at a diff fucking school. #dont get me wrong i LOVE what im doing but ninety percent of the time im too depressed to do any work outside of school or im ill and cant #come to school!! #or i dont show up to class because doing any work outside of class is a battle between my unmedicated and untreated adhd and depression #so it doesnt get fucking done which makes me so stressed that i dont go to class at all and then the problem just gets worse because thats #more work i gotta catch up on outside of class and AUGHHHH i am such a failure!! used to be so smart and now look at me #mental illness fucking ruins peoples lives even outside of normal ways too lol. if i drop out itll singlehandedly be because of that

[orcelito]

rereading old thoughts & plans about the Mamakechi Lives au i had going a year ago now & being like "wow this is rly good actually, i should continue this" but knowing i have two other WIPs that i posted a first chapter for but have not touched since bc i am focused on my main thing, discacc, so everything else gets overall neglected

... but also. it's genuinely pretty good

lsdjfslkdfj for the hell of it i'll post the intro i wrote to it here . uh . you're welcome?

Akechi Goro lived by five undeniable truths.  One. The world at large was trash.  Selfishness ran rampant amongst the rich and the poor alike. While the rich hoarded their wealth, laughing at all who dared to be born common, the poor fought tooth and nail for any scrap of affluence they could get their pathetic hands on. Like crabs in a bucket - when one rose up, another would tug them down. Two. Success was everything.  In a society that valued productivity above human lives, to be less than perfect was to commit the worst mortal sin. Those who didn't meet society's expectations were fated to live in poverty and suffering. If one wanted to avoid that fate, they could be nothing less than the best. Three. Friends were useless.  Idealistic stories loved to enthuse about the 'power of friendship', but it was all empty. Pointless. Not once had Goro needed something as pathetic as friends. While others cried at being 'lonely', he spent his time being productive. The idea of friendship was simply a distraction - nothing more and nothing less.  Four. No one would help him. In his nearly 18 years of life, Goro had grown to accept that his life was his responsibility and his alone. Teachers tutted behind his back about how unfortunate he was, while peers mocked him for his ratty clothes. No one ever extended a hand to help him… but it was all the same to him. He didn't need their help. Five. His mother was his reason for living, just as he was hers.  Akechi Shiori was the embodiment of everything that society hated. A single mother, a former sex worker, a sufferer of mental illness and a survivor of attempted suicide. The world did its best to hammer her into the ground, but she never truly gave in. She never would, so long as she had her precious Goro… And she always would. He loved her like he loved no one else. Everything he was, everything he strived for, was for her sake alone. He would capture success so he could give her the life she was denied. He would support her so she could wake up one day after another with a smile.  She was everything to him, just like he was to her. 

#speculation nation #i think i have a tag for this thing. uh #mamakechi lives au #actually i cant find anything for it so slkdjfslkdfj that shall be the tag then i guess #anyways. uhm. #suicide ment/ #this au is just like. me thinking about a no powers au. what it would actually be like if goro managed to save her life #becoming an emotional crutch to her. her reason for living. #growing up with the knowledge that he was the only reason his mother was alive. both from saving her life & stopping her from trying again #working his Ass off since he turned 15 in a job to help support them both. while Also being one of the top students in school #trying to get good grades so he can get into college so he can get a good job so she'll never have to work another day in her life #the ultimate mama's boy. he loves his mom very much. and he would do anything for her. #except it is really So very unhealthy for him. a toxic kind of relationship. where he's largely grown up being the parent to his own mom #he's not quite as mentally ill as akechi in canon. but he's still really not doing great lol. he's just got different complexes #and it... compels me #im incapable of writing anything short so lol if i do write this i gotta be prepared for it being. not short. Lol #ah well. maybe someday. #tho if u did read this snippet & are interested in this au PLS let me know. encouragement could very well allow this to actually exist lol

[saviourkingslut]

i should be getting paid for the number of times ive noted concerning things in my friend's thought patterns and behaviour that she didn't pick up on and neither did her therapist fr i feel like im doing half this woman's work sometimes

#i don't want to air her stuff but honest to god so many times she'll say something and i have to point out that something's not right #that those are unhealthy thoughts or behaviours that are showing something is very wrong or are actively making your life worse #and she'll be like. oh. i hadn't thought abt it like that. but you're right. ill mention it to my therapist. #not when my other friend and i got told by my friend that her therapist liked/agreed with what id said to her. 💀 #girl why am i doing YOUR job #obviously being a good friend to someone who has severe mental health issues just. that's what you do bc you love them #you gotta be there for them and tell them things they want to hear #but that doesn't mean it can't be exhausting. i get weary too when it's the second week of a friend's bad period #and i have to be emotionally available 24/7 just in case they get very bad thoughts or need a moment to vent #sometimes im just not feeling it! but i can't exactly bail when i know someone regularly has suicidal thoughts or heavily disocciates #suicide mention #tw suicide #not really but just in case #curry rambles #might delete later

[quixotic-gray]

I realize I haven't mentioned my trans mute (not the alchemical "transmute," we don't subscribe to such nonsense here, sorry Agrippa simps)-- a little while back I had ordered a cleartone mute, and each one says its a cleartone mute:

I did not order a straight mute, this:

Well this is what I got, and it says it's a straight mute:

It was produced as a cleartone, sent to me in cleartone packaging with a receipt for a cleartone trumpet mute. I take it out of the packaging and its sticker says it's a straight mute, so that's what I like to call it. a straight mute. And it's my favorite straight mute in the world lol (and generally my favorite mute of all the mutes I have, it has the best sound 👌)

#🎺 #its goofy sure #but I gotta appreciate the little nuances in everyday things if I hope to wring any joy outta the husk that is life with mental illness #from percy with love

[whentheandyou]

i can't believe im actually so 1Head that i didn't think to make my xeno.blade 2 s/i have NURSE shark features instead of a blacktip reef because like......he is like a nurse blade......like wtf it is so obvious.... 💉🦈

#damb. i miss creating. I MISS Y'ALL i really do #like IM ON all the time with being on the app but thinking of shit to say my brain cant handle. but i love seeing y'all livin the life fr 😭 #i wanna so bad actually get into the community but. following people...having my presence known UHMM #if it were not for these mental illnesses i'd be all over that shit. i just gotta eat like 5 gummies and i'll do it #food for thought quite literally. fr u have no idea how many lovely peeps i'd follow and all that #uhm anyways this was about. xxxxxxeno bwading. yah now he's gonma have little barbels on him mouf 🥰 in my mind obviously #crys chats

[oglegoggle]

It would feel so nice to be kissed again. My neck and chest especially. Sweet bliss of laying beside another and simply resting. A gentle and warm embrace that makes me feel safe and cared for.

#this is goggles #apparently this is a mental fuckin illness depending on what moron you ask #gotta pay some shrink to cure me of this disorder so I can actually be worth loving in The Real WayTM #ain’t supposed to experience longing #ain’t supposed to experience loneliness #ain’t supposed to experience desire #ain’t supposed to experience emotional hunger #ain’t supposed to experience any positive benefits of having a lover nor even want to experience those bennys ifg #ain’t supposed to be negatively impacted by having my entire goddamn life ripped away from me and be on the verge of it happening again #ain’t supposed to want to connect with or seek security in others #it’s all mental illness caused by fucking not being independent and self confident enough #it’s all just fuckin mental illness and I’m not worth loving until I get the fuck over the desire to love and be loved

[no-one-hears-me]

the past is gone

#there are some people that I'm not gonna see in my future. gotta decide who #tired of dealing with certain people and the misery that it brings me #such a shame to see people go. I've loved them and I always will #but they don't see me the same way and it's time to leave the past in the past #anyways. I wanna fast today but I didn't plan it so I'm not prepared so it won't go well #btw. I've never seen a proana blog talk about fasting properly don't take advice from them they don't know what they're doing #don't take any ed advice from them realistically. restricting like that isn't sustainable and it's not even efficient #since I know what I'm doing you should take ed advice from me. eat 3 meals a day and drink plenty of water and enjoy your life #I can't give ed advice bc I'm too good at it. you can't find this anywhere else I've had to learn through years of personal experience #also just don't have an ed. like that's obviously the advice I was giving where I said to eat 3 meals a day but fr do that #there's a lot of proana blogs following me and idk why since I'm not one of them I just post ed vents #idc who follows me and I don't hate the proana people bc they're just mentally ill too. I understand them #I've spent some time on proana tumblr I just never posted like that bc I don't wanna encourage ed behaviors #also bc they're wrong lmao #this is gonna sound super fucked and ik that sorry. but I have never seen a proana blogger skinnier than me but they're way more passionate #you can't eat a cucumber and diet coke daily go eat some protein and maybe some delicious pasta #eating the least amount of calories possible doesn't help anything it just makes you feel proud of yourself #eating some good mexican food will make you feel good tho trust me 🙏 so will eating proper meals throughout the day #Sera