#he didnt have the baby. he did get out of the island technically (at least quesadilla). and he didnt set off his own nuke (as far as i know

[coffeesuperhero]

a brief guide to alec hardison’s AU aliases (with inevitable annotations and entirely uncalled for mockery by parker and eliot, probably)

so my @ot3tropetober​ entries required a little background setup before I could jump into posting them??....so here that is. actual AU’s tomorrow, setup today. enjoy!  -- 

01. Email from: Alec Hardison; to: Parker, Eliot Spencer

Dear people I love very much (Parker, stop rolling your eyes. Also I can hear you growling and muttering to yourself, Eliot, but I am allowed to tell you I love you at least once a month, I have that in writing. Also you're not actually mad and I know it, you have a tell and no I will not tell you what it is, because you'll stop doing it, and it's real cute), 

As y'all are aware, I work very hard to build a believable portfolio of aliases for each member of our team. Not all of us keep the team safe with our punchy hands and a taser, okay. Some of us are manly yet delicate people who focus on the more technical aspects of our security. 

Recently it has come to my attention that y'all either don't know how much work I put into this or you think it's, and I am quoting here, "weird" or "funny" or "a waste of damn time, Hardison," to build complex backstories for each of these alias scenarios as well as corresponding social media profiles. 

So I thought maybe I'd just walk you through a little bit of the creative, extremely detailed work that I do to keep us safe and, God forbid, make sure somebody can be at the hospital to hold y'all's hands the next time you a) get stabbed/shot/ribs broken/various other injuries that I cannot actually write out because I find it very upsetting even though you don’t b) jump off a building and "land funny" after a thirty-foot fall and "sprain your knee" c) absolutely have a concussion and no, I don't actually care how many times you've been hit in the head or how much medical knowledge you have acquired in the field, you are still not a doctor, Eliot!!!!

Anyway, starting tomorrow, I'm gonna send a short file to you every couple of days to illustrate the painstaking detail and research that goes into crafting these carefully constructed alternate universes that keep us all safe and our covers not blown, and I expect that you will both see them AND read them. There may or may not be a quiz. 

I know by now you've both seen this email and you're probably standing there, giving each other that look that you do, like "Oh, there goes Hardison again, complaining that we don't appreciate him, let's find something tall and push him off of it while we laugh," which by the way is not as cute as y'all seem to think it is, okay? But listen, I do this work because I love you. What can I say? Some of us make delicious food or mastermind criminal escapades with our partners because we can't always vocalize our feelings, and some of us construct elaborate backstories for our various criminal aliases so that we're all taken care of. All ways are valid. But yes, I would appreciate a little more respect for the work I do around here, work that I do, again, because I love you. 

Your boyfriend, who loves you, in case you forgot,

Alec Hardison

02. Text message thread (transcript below!) 

Transcript of texts: text thread is labeled “my people <3″

Hardison: check your email :)  Eliot: hardison we had an agreement once a MONTH there are like, 4 “i love yous” in this one email what are you doing, man??  Parker: i agree w/eliot this is ridiculous even 4 u  Eliot: thank you parker made you brownies in the kitchen on the island Parker: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! BROWNIES Hardison: y’all this is literally what I’m talking about This right here DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES, people. mine is just ACTUAL LANGUAGE. love y’all. 

Eliot: still counts if you write it, hardison Parker: update i have eaten all the brownies

Hardison: already?!  Parker: :DDDDDDDDD Hardison: I didnt’ get any brownies  eliot :(  Eliot: maybe if you weren’t so busy living in your little “alternative universes” you would have  Parker: he has a point Hardison: you’re just saying that because you got brownies  Parker: Mayybe v good brownies tho best ones yet Eliot: :)  i guess this universe isn’t so bad huh too bad some of us don’t appreciate it Hardison: I appreciate this universe fine that is literally my point also it’s ALTERNATE universe. ALTERNATE. Eliot: whatever you say skyrunner Hardison: skyWALKER Parker: lmao  Hardison: why do i even bother  Parker: u love us :) Eliot: you love us  you said so like 5 times  Parker: he really did Hardison: i’m going back to my hard work on these AUs gonna make one where i get brownies, since that’s the only way i’ll get oh baby!! you left some by my computer? Eliot: you’re welcome Hardison: I love you, too :)  Eliot: dammit, hardison Parker: lol 

#leverage ot3 #Team Leverage OT3 #parker x hardison x eliot #long post #very long post #ot3tropetober #leverage #alec hardison #parker #eliot spencer

[disorderlyintentions]

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? for dia and tsu :')

Dia inhales sharply at the question, visibly disturbed by it. "The most afraid I have ever been... well there is two occasions that match that description. The first being... that day. When I watched him create that portal and shove her in. I did not know at first that he had banished her, I genuinely believed for a few days that he'd killed her. Which, I suppose, technically he did but more slowly. Still, I remember hiding behind a wall and watching, my brother holding my hand, though for the comfort of who I am not sure. I do not believe I have ever cried as hard as I did that day. Not even fear could keep it at bay. I assure you, I hardly spoke a word to anyone after that. I'm certain Palkia thought I hated them for a while, but I just... could not bring myself to say a word about it or much of anything. I am sure my fear from that day does not come close to Giratina's own, but it was still impactful."

There was a pause before they'd speak again. The second, was the confrontation on Spear Pillar. I do not know what came over me, but I tried to fight him. I tried to kill him. Of course, I never stood a chance and I knew that going into it. Still, I... I genuinely believed I was going to die that day. When I felt myself at the critical moment, where I had almost run out of power and I was losing consciousness. I truly thought I was going to die, and I... I was okay with that. I was okay with it, because I thought... at least I fought back this time. For once. Even if only once. Even if I would just be replaced. I still fought back."

With that Dialga would clear their voice. "I suppose now would be the time for a happier story. My calmest days... were likely when Celebi was around 12 years old. You see, when she was a baby I was often anxious about being a father. I was terrified that I would be like my father, and ruin her. There were many nights I was just so overwhelmed I would... breakdown in my room. It was not until she was older that it truly sunk in that I would never be like him. It took me seeing her grown up, bright and happy, to see that I had done well. That I had raised her well. From that point, I felt more relaxed and truly let myself enjoy our time together. That is not to say I did not enjoy it before, just that it was easier then." A soft smile would grace their lips. "I truly love that little one."

-

Tsu blinks at the question, before looking to the side. "The moment I was most afraid? Well, fear isn't a foreign emotion to me. I'm almost always afraid, the nightmares don't stop, but... there is one that stands out." They take a deep breath. "Cresselia would leave for weeks at a time, and when she was gone... my nightmares would get worse and I wouldn't sleep and I would hallucinate and-" Another breath. "She left for longer than usually and I was really bad, I didnt-- I didn't know it was her-- I thought I was being attacked, she always told me people wouldn't react well to me so I-I thought, I thought--" Tsu would move one hand to cover their mouth, their breath shaky as they tried not to completely breakdown. "I hurt her, I thought I killed her and she was angry, s-so angry and she left me there and she didn't come back. I never saw her again and I was alone and I was stuck until Eldritch rode his boat to my island and took me to Canalave one day."

Taking a moment to wipe their eyes, they take a shaky breath. "My calmest moment? I don't have a lot of those. Maybe before, when I would sleep under the tree with Cresselia and there would be no nightmares. Or now, when I'm just... making a simple meal in the kitchen and I'm not thinking about anything but what me and Gira are going to do that day. Just... when I'm not thinking, everything is okay."

#gardenofgods #;ic #long post #violence cw #death cw #❝don't close your eyes ، don't turn out the light.❞ (tsukiya) #❝you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece.❞ (dia)

[blookmallow]

I MADE SOME NEW FRIENDS LOOK

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I L

ok backing up a bit rieklings are these lil goblin things that have been attacking me all across solstheim for a while, but THEN i found THIS 

SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK!! WHAT!!!!! OF COURSE I FOLLOW YOU also your foot is. uh. disappearing into the snow there bud

they took me to meet their chief 

it is an honor, sir 

i also just noticed he’s sitting like a jarl fjdsgj

[nods thoughtfully] muwafathoo

they needed help getting their warthog thing back and collecting scathcraw which i was absolutely down for, but then, uh

they wanted me to help raid the nearby nord village :’)

the Bad Nords who keep attacking them, they said, but this. is definitely a nord mead hall that they clearly took over :’ ) 

but i mean, its theirs Now, i guess,

i felt bad but i really didn’t wanna betray my lil goblin buddies and i didn’t really even know the nord people anyway, and I’m already a dark brotherhood assassin, so, like, technically this kinda shit is my job already, 

so we killed the nords lmao it was far enough away from the guards that i didnt get a bounty for it but

so then the riekling chief thought i was trying to assert dominance over him as the Strongest and he challenged me but i REALLY DIDN’T WANNA FIGHT HIM :’) SIR YOU ARE SO SMALL. I’M SORRY. YOU ARE A TINY THING 

i forgot i was wearing the ebony mail, which poisons anything around you that registers as an enemy, so he literally just died from poison exposure and i did not do Anything 

so as far as these guys know im a fucking god who can strike things down without moving a muscle 

they didn’t seem too upset about their chief though and just declared me the new chief so i guess this is just how they roll :’) 

SO ANYWAY NOW I HAVE ALL THESE FRIENDS. THEY CAN ACT AS FOLLOWERS I CAN BRING LIL GOBLINS ON ADVENTURES WITH ME AND I’M DYING 

look at him...........my littel man............

if you dismiss them you get this though 

he’s not a PET he’s my FRIEND

but apparently bc they’re “pets” you can have one of them and a regular follower at the same time even though they can like. carry stuff and follow commands (not all commands but most things) 

they are SURPRISINGLY VERY WELL BEHAVED LIL GREMLINS i was afraid they might act aggressively if i brought them into town or something but no they only attack if you tell them to or if there’s an active threat. im not sure how they understand me bc the chief was the only one who could really communicate, i haven’t heard any recognizable words since “you. fo. llow. me” 

they do tend to say the same phrases a lot though so I’m pretty sure they have language! the only thing I can tell for sure is I think “fa ra walla” means “goodbye” since they always say that when you dismiss them 

the game mechanics aren’t there to actually do it but i like to think medea is something of an anthropologist and is trying to study them, teaching them her language and trying to learn theirs 

i brought him to meet my cow i think he likes her 

doesn’t like chairs, though. i offered him a chair and he just kept saying JOOOO FAH so i guess that means no 

anyway ive decided everyone gets presents and everyone’s getting names im gonna give them all enchanted daggers so i can tell which one’s which since several of them have the same model and I can’t tell them apart 

this guy’s grendel

they don’t seem to use weapons you give them but they will carry it

im not 100% sure but from what i can tell so far it does seem to be the same group of 9 rieklings (i counted them and made note of how many there were of each type, gave a few of them specific items to hold, dismissed them, traveled around for a bit, came back and could still count the same numbers and could still find the ones with the items I gave them) so this SHOULD work to keep track of them unless they do eventually just reset or get randomized again

it would make sense for them to all be the same every time you visit though considering the possibility for them to be carrying something for you that you might need back 

this one’s caliban i took him to meet cicero i think they’re friends 

also i gave him a necklace and it does register as being equipped even though you can’t actually See it so im choosing to believe he liked it and put it on 

anyway here’s Most Of the squad, a few of them were inside 

im still collecting daggers for them all and deciding who gets which names but ive decided they’re grendel, caliban, fidget, gollum, orlok, crabbe, goyle, fester, and igor and i love every single one of them with my entire heart 

also my bard was standing on a chair the entire time grendel was in the house which was probably an unrelated glitch but was VERY funny

most of the time no one seems to notice my weird little goblin friend but i did have one guy in solstheim briefly panic and call for help for no apparent reason and then get over it so he might have gotten freaked out before he realized i had the situation handled :’)

lucia’s kinda scared of them too :’( he’s nice,

BOY SAVED ME FROM A DRAUGR I DIDN’T EVEN SEE NICE WORK BUDDY!!! 

look at this sickass skull we found and also my baby boy’s precious darling little face 

also the rest of the rieklings on the island still act aggressively toward me even if i have one of them with me, and my dude has no hesitation in attacking them so i guess there’s warring tribes going on or something :’) it is very stressful bc i do NOT want to end up hitting one of my boys on accident though 

found this in one of the enemy riekling caves, WHERE did u get this 

i dont think dark elves even worship dibella 

also, sidenote, why is dibella the only one who gets a statue she’s like my least favorite and she’s the only one i can have statues of

i mean i have some shrines in my falkreath basement now but why can’t i have like, a cool arkay statue or something

An Entire Fucking Pile Of Lusty Argonian Maid, which raises SO many more questions

can.... can rieklings read??? 

there was also one single telekinesis tome buried under all these. why 

#lucy plays skyrim #[looks at my weird lil gremlin friend] 'ooga chaka' '[sobbing] i love u so much'

[jobone123]

Any were back WHEN I HEARD THE RUMOR some buildings downtown made a personal attack on me Jason vs the house BY SACRIFICING A FOOD PROCESS BABY Vs fell sick due to clearance of YOU HAD THE BEST SON N U KILLED THE WRONG BOY

Was there a blonde building sacrificing of Jasons Vs BLACK PEOPLE ARE ACCIDENTS the only last reason they follow me is because virginity A JOKE AGAINST WHITES did brown eye crackers have their own building sacrificing a food process boy

Most important why didn’t you eat!

Was this a fake fort idea at towards my success

Why isn’t all downtown made like Jason Vs The girls of irack WERE TECHNICALLY JASON

Why does downtown have so much room for accidents

Underwear?

It maybe in the schooling Vs every building had a Jason fan parent WE FUCK UP THE GAME when it came down to WHITE PEOPLE DROPOUTS Vs everygirl had a baby Vs your son in their sleep n overtime THESE FANATICS OF FAKE FORT VS REAL FORTS would kill there family COVER UP did whites put blacks up to this BECAUSE BLONDE GEM PORN we can’t ignore the fact that all the boys downtown were eventually castrated IGNORES THE OBVIOUS BULLSHIT ATTACK ON MY HOUSE Vs Jasons sunrise network WAS THIS AN INSIDE JOB AUTHORIZED BY THE SUNRISE HOUSE

Most importantly why does www hate boys add why is my whole downtown career about a black persons virginity ADD GREAT BLIND DATE PICK UP LINE gets her pussy wet EXPERIENCE

I’m thirty was their a second attack on me vs the house WHY IS DOWNTOWN DEEMED AN ACCIDENT why don’t black People where underwear WHERE IS MY EVIDENCE

Was it all about porn

Too many haters of Jason fear the house YOU DONT DO THAT TO PEOPLE

Why is there so many extra buildings downtown

Why did downtown give up on the transgender process AND GIVE HER ALL THE POWER

It’s was a weapon for the SON I will next you GIRL with my transgender brother AN OFFSET TO HER JOBLESS ENTITLEMENT I have a pussy SQUID PRO CO

Black People opinions don’t matter

I was born blonde

Why was it a black Jason building when the subject was blonde gem porn TO GIVE BLONDE GEM ALL THE POWER OVER BROWN GEM Vs why wasn’t it a blonde Jason building food process sacrificing AKA CUT OUT EYES TOURS add why was it a threat to stop the creation of blonde gem female s BECAUSE A BLACK MAN HATED BLONDE WHITE BOYS RACISM Vs it was a threat to my son black prisoner aka blind dogs Theory ADD BLIND SIDED BY T V

It was an accident to kill the wrong son vs her walls EX. STOPPED THE ENERGY PROCESS OF A BOY TO TRANSFER GENDER right vs wrong process

All of downtown boys should be Jason vs girls of irack ALL IN TOGETHER

Where was he schooled vs veil

This sounds like a set up from a fake fort ATTACK ON JASON N NOT THE HOUSE racism downtown apartment was about apartment houses

Most importantly was the whole building or buildings MY PERFECT PROCESS or did drop outs AGAIN INFECT GIRLS MINDS Jason process WITH A SICK SLEEPING BABY Vs your son couldn’t know a computer baby IS THIS ANOTHER ATTACK FROM BLACK MAN ON A WHITE SLEEPING BABY aka it was me IAM JASON

Does downtown have too much buildings to just throw away bodies of boys but steal their wives AT WHAT COST DOES A BUILDING FULL OF WOMEN GO FOR $

MOST IMPORTANTLY AFTER I BUILT THE SUNRISE NETWORK NOW IM A ACCIDENT BEING FOLLOWED BY AN INKED WALL DEAD BLACK GIRL army of black men

We will take this as downtown is an accident jealous cowards underwhere a failed BUISNESS plan vs fake fort attempt to make me work sixteen extra years over land because a boat Theory Vs Free trips to an island DID CUBA KNOW what happened to jersey

Correction kill rumor time ATTENTION #mass IT WASNT A UNDERWEAR it was a drink #accident I GOT YOUR BACK SAID BLONDE GEM HOUSE TO BLACK DOWNTOWN go ahead n ruin Jasons career we have fake forts WITH MORE POOR PEOPLE FANS for the win

Was it the trade war

We can blame the Chinese or Italians but never the Spanish WAS THE SACRIFICE D FOOD PROCESS JASON BABIES Spanish WERE THEY ALL CASTRATED BEFORE

Seems as if another YOU DONT DO THAT TO PEOPLE BLACK LIES MATTER MOVEMENT aka welfare scheme FROM A BLONDE FAMILY TO SABOTAGE MY SUNRISE NETWORK by helping black People make this FOOD PROCESS JASON SACRIFICING for old sixteen year old blonde women when the house is done FUCKING THEM

Now it was a distraction because the accident was killing the wrong son ALA THAT BASTARD GOT AWAY WITH IT but will never HER WALLS

Don’t bother me with failed attempts at my ACCIDENTAL SUCCESS after all my nasa murders HAVE SACRIFICED AT LEAST TWO TO THREE TIMES that example building WHERES MY EVIDENCE

Is Jon or mic telling you this I GOT YOUR BACK THEORY why didn’t trump towers do the same but Steve Hilton did but wyn didn’t either SHE DIDNT EITHER

Not my first mass murder

You know Miami castrated twice as many boys as Boston

Can I move to have a blonde family WHEN WE GET DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT NIGGER IDEOLOGY welfare game AKA I WAS BORN BLONDE here crackers 1 trillion dollars but half goes to black gem

Most importantly you killed the wrong son for an example downtown to be a house bastard aka he didn’t have a sister THEORY THAT SWEAPT EVERY INMATE BOY DOWNTOWN TO DEEM ME AN ACCIDENT Vs you gave her all the power by not saving this building for PROPER N RIGHT ENERGY OF A MALE TO COMPLETE THE TRANSGENDER FORMATION why you failed at impregnated the transgender male your transferred NOT ENOUGH ENERGY yikes n whoops CLEARANCE clearance EXCUSES excuses

You wonder why I hate blacks for killing my family THEN YOU WONDER WHY THEY WOULD MAKE A BUILDING OF SCARIFIED FOOD PROCESS BOYS n not eat ADD LETS ALL FORGET they suffered almost no pain SIXTEEN YEARS OF BLISS TO THAT ONE TRAGIC MOMENT can we kill all the queen satogates from the sarogates

Now if these scarified babies food process were all black BLAME BLONDE RUNNER better yet blame red head runner BUT DONT BLAME BRUNETTE RUNNER!

Black mic drop 🎤 Vs white mic drop 🎙

Does black dick matter more then white dick SPOILED BEEF Vs Milk

Ok we’re done

You people make me sick to think this attack came from my fort base

Can I get a red head family when this is done I WAS BORN BRUNETTE

I was born French ish

I’m from Ireland

Does anyone else notice THEY CASTRATED EVERY BOY DOWNTOWN INCLUDING THE JASON FOOD PROCESSING BUILDING vs the drop out building s attack on my sunrise DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THISE 8 bedroom houses aka work release from buildings Jason accidents

For underwear or porn WHY WERE ALL THESE KIDS BORN N LIVED blind n dead DID YOU TELL THE BASTARD

How did the son learn of me

Did he know WHITE Jason was a church n not a real runner IRAN MORE TECHNICALLY HES A FAKE GEM anyways

We’re done

Sixteen years bs thirty years add one more generation YOUR SYSTEM PORN CASTRATION IS PARTICULARLY BIRTHRIGHT one plane Vs international porn site was a number s possessen SPECIAL COUNSEL VS SPECIAL INTEREST I’m international FAKE FORT TECHNICALLY IS LOST dEads secret Private family NEVER LEFT PRISON the boys didn’t suffer as much as bae did WHOOPS

Did the house do the same WE KNOW FAKE FORT SUNRISE WILL CLAIM YES poor mother lost two to three sons because of a sunrise competition NO WOMAN TREATED WORSE like black woMAN throwing white dicks away FICTIONAL THEORY picture a black man throwing white girls away

Swoh that’s a lot

After all it was a failed attempt vs someone to blame OTHER THEN BLACK PEOPLE JERKING OFF TO Blonde GEM PORN now picture it a little black girl CARAMA BITCHES for the attack on me JAYSIN VS JAYSON gov vs street name

Why doesn’t brown eye crackers give all the blacks to blonde gems

#shoutsouts Colorado YOUR INVOLVED threw in the church for free Vs a whole building for me NOT MY FIRST MASS MURDER sixteen years n nasa getting better at this RUMOR HAS OT COLORADO ONE IS LAND LOCK COLORADO TWO IS ISLAND Vs car theory DOES WYOMING DOWNTOWN HAVE THE SAME MAP where is Michigan really DO YOU THINK FLORIDA IS AN ACCIDENT TOO ice downtown said agriculture vs patches of grass are grown inside a building Vs making a food process boy accident against Jason n not against the orange fruit network MAKE AMERICA GRAPES AGAIN since you were throwing out them boys anyways WHY NOT GIVE THEM A PURPOSE to ruin successful Jasons career vs dEads most successful failed sons

We can only honor the of age appropriate sacrifices that suffered n we’re eligible vs my process CLEARED ENOUGH vs food process Jasons that we’re sacrificed Vs it was almost like a bullet ALA THEY DIDNT LOOSE AN ENTIRE FAMILY OF SUNRISE they never left or knew what sunrise was DID THEY THINK SUN Vs satellite through the light outside the window CANT SACRIFICE A BUILDING OF FOOD THROWN AWAY for I shit out your entire family to make a point TURD vs cows n chicken s MILK Vs you could of just used one drop of jizz in her WE GOT THE POINT didn’t need to sacrifice an entire baby in her vagina WHY DOES WWW hate to suck women clits UNDERWHERE DOWNTOWN Is an ACCIDENT I think the mask were for drain that swamp Vs that black building smells like a dead body WHY DID THE CHINESE INVENT THE MASK

Ok we’re done

[viralhottopics]

I love Trump. Hes doing what he said. Presidents supporters keep the faith

Womens Marches and widespread criticism of the Muslim ban have not dented the loyalty of Trump voters

Cast-iron hooks, childrens vinyl records, classic food packages, tobacco baskets, vintage-style olive buckets and a rotary-dial telephone fill the shelves at James and Jess House of Goods. The antiques store opened two years ago, styling itself as rustic, hipster, chic with a twee strapline: Mostly old with a little new.

If the House of Goods was in Washington DC, it would be a decent demographic bet that its owners voted for Hillary Clinton. But it is 75 miles away in Washington County, which Donald Trump won handily. And while the capital city has been roiled by protests since Trump moved into the White House, from where James and Jess are sitting he is doing just fine.

I love Trump, James Zawatski said. I give him credit for doing what he said he was going to do; a lot of politicians dont. Im 47 and I never voted in my life but I did this year. We needed someone with a set of balls to do what needs to be done. Im tired of those liberals.

Trumps asteroid-like impact on Washington DC has caused bewilderment, consternation, disorientation, puzzlement and anger. Democratic politicians have been knocked off balance by a brash adversary while Republicans are struggling to adapt to an unpredictable ally. The media have rained criticism. Residents of DC where Clinton beat Trump by 90.9% of the vote to 4.1% express their mortification and fears. And last months Womens March on the capital was a dramatic statement of anti-Trump resistance.

But across the frontline of Americas increasingly tribal politics in Hagerstown, Washington County, Maryland, the perspective is turned on its head. Whereas critics see Trumps travel bans as un-American and sowing chaos at airports, supporters see him as keeping them safe; where critics see him blowing up foreign policy as he spars with Australia and slaps sanctions on Iran, supporters see him getting tough; where critics see him firing the acting attorney general and trampling on the constitution, supporters see him boldly smashing the old order. And where activists protest, columnists fulminate and millions recoil in fear of a world spinning towards catastrophe, supporters dismiss them as liberal cry babies and praise Trump as the first politician to keep his campaign promises. They see him not as a rampaging rhinoceros but a straight-talking strongman.

His plan to build a wall on the US-Mexico border is one example of this worldview complementarity. I love immigrants, I love Mexicans, but theres a way to do it, theres a procedure, said Zawatski, himself descended from Italian immigrants. These people come and theyre entitled to more than me whos busting his ass seven days a week. Were a great country but were being taken advantage of.

Personally I wouldnt spend money on the wall. Id just shoot them as they come over. Then they wouldnt come.

Zawatski had little sympathy with the hundreds of thousands who took part in the Womens Marches, many of whom wore pink pussy hats and carried placards condemning Trump over his past boast about feeling able to grab women by the pussy. He does not merely turn a blind eye to Trumps misogyny but condones it: What man never grabbed a womans pussy? What man doesnt talk in the locker room about what he did to a woman the night before? Women do that too. Were all human. His wife, Jess, 35, agreed: Its a guy thing. I know James talks like that among guys. So I dont hold it against Trump.

The Womens March, she added, was the stupidest thing ever because some were saying theyre being treated unequally. Women can stand up and go after what they want. Men arent standing in the way.

James Zawatski in his shop. Photograph: Chet Strange for the Observer

As Zawatski, wearing tattoos on his arms and a T-shirt with the legend Tattooed and employed, spoke to the Observer, a man stole a decorative sphere off its stand (total price $79) from the pavement outside the store. Zawatski spotted him and raced outside, prompting the man to surrender the object without acrimony.

Technically this is the hood, he remarked. There are a lot of barber shops here that are not barber shops, if you know what I mean. Comparing himself to Trump, he added: I tell the police chief, Do your job. Just do it.

Hagerstown has a drugs problem and several closed-down shops and cafes stand empty. But it challenges and scrambles perceptions of the map seen as crucial to Trumps victory. It is neither the Republican-voting deep south nor the pivotal rust belt portrayed in his dark and divisive inaugural address as containing rusted-out factories scattered like tombstones under the rubric American carnage.

On the contrary, it sits in Maryland, which Clinton won with more than 60% of the vote. It is an almost pretty city of church spires and historic buildings, boasting a fine art museum, biking and hiking trails, theatres and a tourism office, replete with leaflets about the areas civil war heritage and Hagerstowns origins involving an 18th-century German immigrant. On Thursday, students could be seen pouring out of an arts school after class.

Washington Countys median household income is $56,477 (45,000), above average for the nation but well below the state average of $74,149. The county voted 64% for Trump, 31.6% for Clinton. It is a red county in a blue state or, as Clinton supporter Al Steinbach, a 64-year-old sales rep, vividly put it: I call Maryland the vagina map: right down the centre is blue; left and right is red. Welcome to divided America.

Steinbach, who is literally afraid of what Trump might do, reads the Washington Post daily and listens to National Public Radio. When I turn to Fox News and see what the other side are saying, Im appalled by the extreme side they are on.

In the past, it has been argued, communities would be bound together by local newspapers and radio stations, establishing at least some common ground; now, in the age of fragmented digital media, everyone with a phone is an island. Last Thursday, Anthony Kline, 38, a labourer, sat in a no-frills bar watching a new Facebook video made by a bearded, muscular man who claimed to be in Iraq.

The man, called Steven Gern, said he had asked local Iraqis what would happen if he took a walk in town and they had replied he would be snatched, tortured and beheaded on video. This being so, he claimed, why should he let Iraqis into his country? Kline, gripping the phone in his tattooed hand, said: This is as real as it gets.

Trump recently told the CIA that he is in a running war with the media. Kline, who awards the president eight marks out of 10 so far, said: Mainstream media news is definitely partial. They put on what they want you to hear or think. Most people are not educated enough and they take things at face value.

The chorus of liberal outrage that greets Trump daily not only falls on deaf ears among his supporters but appears to harden their view that he is taking on a privileged, self-centred elite. Reflecting on the Womens March that followed inauguration day, Kline said: Youve got a lot of mommys-liberal-baby snowflakes that are used to having their way. Its like your spoiled kid not used to being told no. Once you tell them no, they dont know how to react.

Across town, Marlon Michael, 50, still has a Trump make America great again banner outside his home, part of a duplex with vinyl walls and flagpole with the stars and stripes. The country was going downhill and the rest of the world didnt respect us any more, he said. Trump vowed to bring all that back just like the old days. And the verdict so far? Michaels answer would be unthinkable in swaths of Manhattan: Hes doing wonderful. Hes doing everything he said hes going to do and you cant ask for more than that from a politician.

Democrats, activists and media commentators have denounced Trumps executive order banning travellers from seven Muslim-majority countries, both for its bungled execution and its sinister intent. Chuck Schumer, Democratic minority leader in the Senate, said: There are tears running down the cheeks of the Statue of Liberty tonight. Even Republican loyalists quailed.

A Reuters/Ipsos poll found about 31% of people said the ban made them feel more safe, while 26% felt less safe. Another 33% said it would not make any difference and the rest said they did not know. But Trump voters like Michael, a former US marine who works in home construction, give it a full-throated endorsement. It should have been done eight or 12 years ago, or after 9/11, he said. For the past eight years weve had a president that was a little lighthearted towards the Muslims. We lock our doors so people dont create havoc in our homes; its the same with America. Were shutting our borders so people dont create havoc.

Christianne Smith in a Hagerstown coffee shop. Photograph: Chet Strange for the Observer

Michael, too, watches Fox News CNN has too much false bullshit thats not true and Trump calls them out on it and has little but contempt for the Womens March. Fucking stupid. For what? What more privileges do you want? Women have equal rights. Theyll still be fighting for it till the end of time. Wearing a Dallas Cowboys T-shirt with an image of fingers in an up yours sign, Michael gives Trump nine out of 10. My only complaint is that I wish he would stay off Twitter.

The election demonstrated that, despite Barack Obamas plea otherwise, there are blue states and red states in America. But there are also blue and red counties. One of the defining splits in the election was between voters with a college degree and those without: according to the FiveThirtyEight website, Clinton improved on Obamas 2012 performance in 48 of the countrys 50 most well educated counties, but lost ground relative to Obama in 47 of the 50 least educated counties critical to her defeat.

Trumps debut in the White House has done little to heal the rift, with each side viewing his policies, pronouncements and antics through a rival prism. Sitting in a coffee shop in Hagerstown, Christianne Smith, 20, an African American student, gave him a score of two out of 10. Hes unfit, inexperienced, he said. He doesnt have the best interests of the people in America. I dont understand how he became president. Maybe its because I didnt vote. So its my fault.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2lbMeKj

from I love Trump. Hes doing what he said. Presidents supporters keep the faith

#I love Trump. Hes doing what he said. Presidents supporters keep the faith