#he peed on my mattress because we left him home for a week while on holiday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peevishmandible · 5 years

Text

My husband has been working nights from his home office for about 6 months, and will continue until September when his boss gets back from overseas and will no longer need him to work so closely with the international team that my husband manages. It’s been weird. I mean, there’s stuff that isn’t great but there is lots that is, so it’s ok. You know, trade offs. We’re not upset and it isn’t hurting any one, it messed w our family dynamic at first but we found equilibrium. It’s at the very least a lot more consistent and healthier a schedule than when he would be out to commute to the city at 6am, get home at 5:30 and then maybe work from 9 to midnight so he was able to manage the people across the globe, you know? So anyways. Here’s the thing. When I had my babies, lord I was what you’d call an attachment parent. I mean, it wasn’t a term I even knew, it wasn’t something I did deliberately... it was just what I DID. We knew I was going to be a stay at home parent and keep my kids close, and I did babywearing from day one, right up until the kids outgrew the 35lb limit in the hiking back pack that was a part of me for like 4 years. I breastfed - and I’m SO grateful I was able to do that, I do not say this as a status signal or virtue, trust me. It’s a combination of damn I was lucky I was able to and damn my kids NEVER TOOK BOTTLES. EVER. EVER. NOT ONCE. BELIEVE ME I TRIED. Anyawys I breastfed my daughter until she was three, and 7 months of that time was while I was pregnant with my son. I had to stop because my lap was disappearing and my son would kick her so hard it hurt me when he felt her. I breast fed my son until he was 2, when I got a bad ear infection and the antibiotics in my milk made him sick. So five years of my life, 5 consecutive years, nursing children. UH, WE”RE CLOSE. Lord, but I did NOT enjoy sleeping with them. My daughter never liked it, always did better in her own room, from 4 months on (we had both our babies in bassinettes by my bed at first. I had naps with her in bed beside me sometimes but that’s it. When my husband had to leave us for 5 months when I was newly pregnant she had adjustment problems and I was so exhausted that I brought her into my bed at night but she was THE WORST, I’m so sorry to say. She was sweet and beautiful but god, she would kick me, flip upside down in bed, play until late into the night, fuss around, wake me up by yelling in my face or forcing my eyes open... And she was like, 2.5. Listen sleeping next to a 2.5 year old who still pees in diapers while asleep is gross, ok. I haaaaaated it. When my son was born, lord. He wouldn’t sleep unless I was holding him. I slept with him in my arms in bed for 3 weeks. Not safe! I didn’t feel great about it! My husband didn’t have enough room in our bed and had to sleep on the couch and we both hated THAT because WE are close and need each other to sleep well. I was sore and unhappy about it and so grateful when he finally slept in his bassinette. Because of our living situation we built his crib and had THAT at the bottom of our bed for about 8 months. That was fine - I didn’t mind having them IN the room, I just didn’t want them in my bed. Like, I spent EVERY SINGLE WAKING - and sleeping, if we’re being totally honest - minute with my children. I didn’t resent that, but GOD DAMNIT, I am an introvert at heart, I really am, and I NEED SPACE. My bed was MY BED. Well, and my husband’s of course. And of COURSE we goddamn got interrupted tons when we fucked but at least we had the opportunity to DO so without kids in our bed. It was just, you know. A boundary. Like, the one boundary for me, being pregnant, nursing, and parenting small babies and children constantly for like 5 years. I’m going somewhere with all this. K, so, my husband had to go work away from us for another 6 months a few years later. It was my fault that we were separated and I am very deeply guilty about that but we won’t go into that in this post. The point is, the kids and I were in a single room at night, with my big queen mattress, a twin bed for my girl, and a toddler bed for my boy. THEY DIDN”T USE THEIR BEDS. Now, I got it. You know? Like, Daddy was gone, my daughter was newly in kindergarten, we’d moved to a new place abruptly, and Mama was in the room with them for the first time. They both piled into my bed with me - my 5 year old and my 2 year old (who yep, was still in diapers, believe me I smelled like toddler pee and baby sweat far more than I want to remember...) and once again I was sometimes a little resentful (I would try to escape to the twin bed after they fell asleep sometimes) but I was both so exhausted, so anxious about the shitty situation that I let it slide and even actually enjoyed it. I finally did find joy in sleeping through the night with them, it was comforting without my husband there, absolutely. When we all reunited we went years without sleeping that way again, which was fine. Once in a while I’d grab a nap with one or the other in my bed or theirs. Sometimes THEY would have sleep overs and share a bed or room but mostly they enjoy having their own space - my daughter especially. But now, here we are again. Daddy isn’t in my bed. So the kids are. They take turns. It’s fine. I can sleep alone but I prefer not to, now. It’s very lonely without my husband there, ever. I was actually pretty fucking sad about it. And, you know. The anxiety nights and nightmares can be better if I can look over and see someone I love safe and real. The kids won’t be small enough to do this much longer and if they’re happy and I’m happy, then we best do it while we can. My husband has been waking us up when he comes to bed at 6 or 7 - he brings the dogs now and we all have a big cuddle and play session before I get the kids up for school. It’s nice. Last night I had both kids in with me. We’ve not done that for many years because they’re too big and they fight and someone inevitably gets too hot/has no blankets/kicks someone/wants to be next to mum/farts and pisses someone off/etc ad fucking nauseum. But last night I let my daughter in after a week and a half of banning her from sleeping with me - she was acting out and I finally had to tell her to fuck off because dude I already deal with some pretty gnarly insomnia, you canNOT fuck with what sleep I get - but her brother got in some trouble for something and was sad. So. I put her beside me, and him at the foot of the bed. I actually woke up during the night and was petting him with my foot because I thought he was my big dog - until he started farting and I was like... that doesn’t sound like Dana farts....ha. Anyways wow I had a flash to a memory I hadn’t thought of it a very long time. I used to sleep at the foot of my mum’s bed. (we did a lot of co sleeping in my family, but again - it’s for another post to examine. It wasn’t a healthy situation I don’t think.) I have a distinct memory from... gosh I was young. It was before we left Cassiar mining town so I was 5 or under. I was dreaming about peeing into one of her little painted ornamental boxes that she had, and of course I peed the bed. Wasn’t something I did more than any other kid I don’t think (although I did sleep walk and pee in people’s shoes which... yeah again, another post) and I didn’t get in trouble for it that time, it’s not a traumatic memory. It was just funny. To remember that when I woke up and saw my son at the foot of my bed. And I’ve been thinking about co sleeping. So. That’s why I wrote all this. I don’t really know where I’m going with all of this but I think there is something for me to unpack. My sleeping problems have been exacerbated the last few years, but the nightmares, night terrors, paralysis, and sleep walking and sleep talking have been constant since I was... well. A new born. I never slept. It fucking killed my mother it was very very hard on her. I know that, so I know it must have been bad. I don’t sleep walk anymore, thankfully, but I do sleep TALK and I’ve lashed out physically against my husband many times (Never against my kids. Ever, just to be clear. And when I was going through a period of hitting him at night we completely stopped allowing the children into bed with me until I stopped. I haven’t had any incidents like that since.) So I think I need to go comb through and examine some more trash. I think I need to find a better name for it though. Some of it is trash sorting but... you know. That negative word doesn’t always feel right. I’ll work on it. The end.

#cosleeping memories family

0 notes

ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[HM] The Weekend Writing Retreat Story

I feel like I spend so much time alone these days, and I hate it. I‘m officially taking over my tiny publishing company in about four months, and I’m so worried that I’m gonna fuck everything up. Things with my family have just been all messy ever since my mom’s accident, and I miss when we were happy and got along better. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, and these days I’ll get depressed for like two weeks if a chick I’m into doesn’t watch my fucking instagram story. And lastly, but probably most importantly, for some reason I’m just constantly convinced that nobody likes me. And that everyone makes fun of me behind my back. And that the entire world looks at me and just sees a giant creepy old ugly loser.

Soooo...yeah. Good times.

I didn’t know how to face my problems, you guys. But I thought maybe I could just run away and forget about them for a little while.

My best friend Mark owns this little cabin in the middle of the woods somewhere like three and a half hours away. I’d been up there twice already this summer, and I really wanted to go back. Mostly because I’d found that spending a weekend in the forest with nothing to do just seemed to leave me feeling super relaxed. Whereas spending a weekend in my apartment with nothing to do just seemed to leave me feeling super shitty.

So, about two weeks ago, I started texting Mark and some of our other friends to see if anyone wanted to go camping again for a few days. Unfortunately, Mark was gonna be too busy for a while so he wouldn’t be able to go, but he said any of us could use the cabin whenever. However, the other jerks in our group text also either couldn’t go, or they, ya know, just didn’t want to. So I tried inviting a few other people, but, after a couple of days, I still sadly just couldn’t find anyone to go with me.

So I figured I could either spend another weekend alone at home worrying about my problems, or I could just spend a weekend alone at this cabin worrying about not getting eaten by wolves. And one of those sounded slightly more fun than the other.

I felt pretty pathetic going camping all by myself, but I just figured I’d call it a ‘weekend writing retreat’. Ya know, just to make it sound more like being alone was my choice.

So, this past Friday, I got out of work, loaded up my car, and simply took off with the goal of just leaving all of my stress behind for the weekend.

Soon, I was heading down the open road with the sun shining above me. I had my windows all rolled down, my music cranked as loud as possible, a cup of coffee at my side, and a bag of sour patch kids in my lap.

And, just like that, it felt like this veil of darkness was being lifted off of me. It felt like every single one of my problems were just fading away.

Then, suddenly...

“BROOOOO, HOW THE FUCK ARE WE STILL NOT THERE YET?!?”

I turned to see my best friend, Diramio, who was now sitting in the passenger seat next to me.

“Dude, chill D, we’ll be there soon. Just like another hour or so,” I replied.

“FUCK THAT. I’M CRACKING A BEER.”

“Dude, no,” I responded. “Just wait until we get there, I’m not trying to get pulled over and thrown in jail tonight.”

“BRO, YOU LITERALLY HAVEN’T STOPPED SMOKING WEED THE ENTIRE DRIVE SO FAR.”

“Yeah, well, I mean, that is a solid point,” I said smiling. “But still, fuck you, dude. My car, my rules.”

“ARE YOU EVER AT LEAST GONNA PASS ME THAT SHIT?!”

I finished hitting my bowl and slowly exhaled. Then I just looked over at him.

“...no.”

He was just like, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” and grabbed it from me.

We both laughed as we continued heading down the road. I was so happy to have Diramio with me. I just liked that dude so much, ya know. Everyone’s always liked Diramio. He’s fucking hilarious and just fun as shit to be around.

The rest of the ride was just a nonstop back and forth of the two of us making each other laugh. And soon, before we even knew it, we were turning down the stone path to the cabin. We pulled up, hopped out of the car, and just took a deep breath of that fresh forest air. Diramio quickly began unloading our stuff, but I just chilled for a few moments to take it all in.

We were surrounded by trees on all sides that danced and swayed in the breeze. There were birds tweeting and butterflies fluttering around. The sun was just starting to set in the sky above us. It was all just so god damn beautiful, man. And, for just a second, it made me think of Jane. Because, well, I guess I just kinda associated her with beauty in my head. The way she smiled the last time we hung out momentarily flashed in my mind. And the thought of us one day being together just spun in my brain.

Then, suddenly...

“Beep beep beep.”

I turned to face the stone path leading to the cabin only to be greeted by a truck pulling up next to my car. The truck parked and out hopped my best friend Mark and his fiancée Erin.

“What’s up, jerks?” Mark said as he walked over towards me and D.

“Aww hey guys!!” I replied, immediately giving him and Erin each a giant hug. “I’m so stoked you’re here.”

“Yeah, well someone needs to make sure you don’t burn the place down this weekend,” Mark responded.

We all laughed and just continued unloading our cars and heading inside. I really was beyond happy Erin and Mark had arrived. I just loved them both so fucking much. And, even more than that, I loved how fucking much they loved each other. Like, they really were just perfect for one another. And the fact that they’d each found their perfect match; well, I don’t know, I guess it just gave me hope. Like, maybe one day I’d be just as lucky, ya know.

Soon, the four of us were unpacked and getting ready to have some dinner. As we sat down around the table together; I couldn’t help feeling like we were just this happy little family.

Then, suddenly...

The cabin door burst open. And in walked my best friend, Gabe, and his happy little family.

“Yoooooo!!!” Gabe shouted as him and his two sons, Gabe Jr and Dominic, came bustling inside. “What’s up with my boys?!”

We were all quickly on our feet, greeting Gabe and the kids with hugs and high fives. I was so stoked they’d gotten there. I loved Gabe and his kids so much. I was like genuinely good friends with both of his sons. The three of us would stay up countless nights playing Fortnite together or talking about Spider-Man and stuff. They’d always refer to me as their Uncle Ian, and I don’t know why but that just made me feel so cool.

The three of them got situated and then joined us at the table, and we all enjoyed a nice meal. By the time we finished and cleaned up, it had gotten pretty damn dark outside, so we decided to head out and start a fire. Mark put me in charge of tracking down some sticks for roasting marshmallows. And I was pretty excited, because I figured that, for once, I had a job that I could easily excel at. So, with the notion of easily excelling at a job in my head, I began looking around for some sticks.

Then, suddenly...

A pair of headlights came rolling down the stone path in front of us. And out hopped my best friend Jim.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. Got stuck finishing up this big project for work,” Jim said as he grabbed his backpack from his trunk and came walking up. “Good news though. I brought us a bunch of really expensive fancy liquor to get all fucked up on.”

“FUCK YEAH, JIMMY!!” Diramio shouted, clearly excited about our late-comer and his contributions.

I too was super excited to see Jim. He was the best, man. And of course he brought a bunch of expensive fancy liquor. He had an awesome job where he made a shitload of money, and yeah I mean the dude was just incredibly successful, ya know.

But, even better, he wasn’t alone!

Because Jim got out of the car.

Then, suddenly...

My best friend Rob hopped out too!

“Ayoooo!” he immediately yelled.

“Holy shit, Rob, is that really you?!” I shouted.

“You know it, buddy!”

I couldn’t believe Rob had actually come. Like, he never did anything. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just, Rob usually just liked hanging out at home, playing video games alone and stuff. He wasn’t big on going out to bars or parties or shit like that. But I was so fucking stoked that we’d somehow gotten him to join us for the weekend.

So, soon, there we were, the whole crew, just sitting around the campfire together. We drank, and smoked, and ate marshmallows, and remembered old times, and told stories, and laughed, and just talked for hours. It was such an absolute blast.

I remember feeling like I just didn’t have a single care in the entire world.

Diramio was the first to call it a night. I don’t think he really planned on it, but he was crushing beers, went inside to pee, and just never came back out. We ended up finding him passed out on the couch.

Mark and Erin were next to turn in, and they aptly took the master bedroom. Gabe and his kids followed, and they took the guest room. Jim was next, and he took the air mattress in the family room. And that just left me and Rob out at the fire, and two empty cots up in the loft.

The fire was dying out as I finished my drink and turned to Rob.

“So what do you say, man? Ready to head inside and get some sleep,” I asked, as I struggled just slightly to get to my feet.

“No, you know what, you go ahead,” Rob replied. “I’m just gonna hang out here by the fire for a little longer.”

“What, dude, really? You’re just gonna sit out here alone?” I asked.

“Yeah. Why not? I like being alone,” Rob responded.

“Umm....alright, fuck it, whatever,” I said. “I’m taking the nicer cot. Night, bro.”

“Night, Ian.”

I went inside the cabin leaving Rob alone by the fire. Everyone else inside seemed to already be asleep, so I kept all the lights off and just did my best not to make any noise as I crept to the bathroom. I brushed me teeth, peed, and then made my way up the little wooden ladder to the loft. Then, I lied down on the nicer cot.

There was complete silence throughout the cabin, but I could still hear the trees blowing outside, as well as the faint crackling of the fire. I glanced over at the empty cot across from me. I couldn’t believe Rob had chosen to just sit outside alone like that. How could he like being alone?

For the first time since I’d left my apartment that afternoon, I started to remember my problems. And being alone was the very first one.

I felt like I spent all my time alone these days, and I hated it.

A sadness fell over me.

And a veil of darkness fell over the entire cabin.

Rob just sat outside, alone, staring at the fire. But then he heard a noise.

He turned around to face the forest behind him. There were just trees and darkness.

But then, again, he heard a noise.

“Hello?” he said sheepishly, “Is somebody there?”

He continued looking out into the woods, but he couldn’t see anything.

Then, suddenly...

He spotted a pair of blood red eyes staring back at him.

Then another.

And another.

Before Rob even had a chance to react; he was being attacked.

He tried to defend himself, but they just came at him from every direction.

He fought the best he could, but there was only so much he could do...against teeth and claws.

And so, only a few moments later, Rob’s lifeless, bloody body was just being dragged off into the darkness.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee coming from the kitchen. I slowly crawled to my feet and slid on my slippers. Then I stood up and went to head down the little wooden ladder from the loft. However, first, something caught my eye.

I glanced over at the cot across from mine. And Rob wasn’t in it. In fact, it looked very clearly like he hadn’t been in it at all the previous night.

Either way, I made my way down the little wooden ladder from the loft and couldn’t help but smile as I walked into the kitchen full of my loud dumb friends. Gabe and his kids were working on cooking eggs for everyone. Mark and Erin were doing the coffee and toasting up some bagels. Jim was sitting at the kitchen table typing away on his laptop. And Diramio was just, somehow, still passed out on the nearby couch.

“Yo IK, got coffee for you,” Mark said, handing me a cup.

“Dude, you fucking rule,” I responded.

I grabbed some milk from the fridge and walked over to the table.

“What are you working on, Jimmy?” I asked as I took a seat.

“Oh just catching up on some emails from clients,” he replied.

“You fucking nerd,” I responded.

“Hey Ian, what’s the deal with Rob?” Gabe asked. “Was he still asleep when you came down? He’s gonna miss breakfast.”

“Wait, what? He’s not down here?” I responded.

“No, didn’t he sleep in the loft with you?” Mark asked.

“Uhhh...I don’t think so. Like, he was still out at the fire when I went to bed, and the cot across from me didn’t really look slept on this morning.”

“Well, where the fuck is he?” Jim asked.

We all just looked at each other.

“Dude, don’t tell me he fucking slept outside,” I said.

Mark, Erin, Jim, and myself all went outside and walked over towards the fire pit. But there were no signs of Rob.

“Ummm, holy shit, you guys,” Erin said, starting to freak out a little. “Like, seriously, where the fuck is he?”

We all quickly began to grow quite frantic.

We started shouting his name. We went back through every room in the cabin. We checked our cars. There was just simply no trace of him anywhere. He was just gone.

By now, Gabe and his kids had abandoned making breakfast, and all of us just stood outside the cabin panicking. Diramio finally woke up and stumbled outside wondering why we were all being so fucking loud.

“Dude, Rob’s missing!!” I shouted.

“Oh man, is that all you guys are worried about?” Diramio replied groggily. “I thought you guys were saying we GOT robbed. I was praying they didn’t take the rest of that fancy expensive liquor.”

“Diramio, that’s not funny,” Erin replied.

“Guys, relax,” Diramio responded. “Rob probably just went to take a shit in the woods or something and got turned around. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Bro, you get turned around in these woods, and you’re fucked. Like, he could be lost for days out there,” Mark replied.

“Well then,” Jim said, stepping up in front of us, “...we better go find him.”

“Dude, fuck that shit,” Diramio answered.

“Shut up, D,” Jim replied, “You’re coming with me, and we’re going north. Mark, you and Erin go south. Gabe, you and Gabe Jr. go east. And Ian, you take Dominic and go west. We’ll search for an hour and then meet back here. Everyone be careful. Don’t get lost. And, most importantly, find Rob.”

Jim taking charge worked and soon we were all heading out into the woods to find our missing friend.

Dominic and I followed along an old ATV path deep into the forest. We continued shouting Rob’s name as we hiked, but of course our calls went unanswered. We’d been walking for about a half hour or so when suddenly a bird flew out right in front of me, causing me to scream like a little girl. Dominic started dying laughing.

“Shut up, little dude, this is why I didn’t become a professional forest ranger,” I said.

“Yeah, you’re not a professional anything,” Dom responded still giggling.

“Hey, ya jerk, that’s not true. I run my own company. That’s gotta be worth something,” I replied defensively.

“No, you don’t,” Dom responded.

“Well...okay, no I don’t. But I’m second in command. And my boss is retiring at the end of the year, then I’m taking over. So, soon, I really will be in charge.”

“Uncle Ian, I can’t picture you in charge of anything,” Dom replied.

“Dude, shut up,” I answered. “Right now, I’m charge of you so stop being a little dick and let’s get back to trying to find our friend.”

“Fine,” Dominic said. “But I’m telling my dad you called me a dick.”

The two of us continued making our way through the woods searching for any trace of Rob. However, as we walked, stupid little Dominic’s words kept echoing in my head. He was right. Like, I shouldn’t even be in charge of my own life. How was I gonna be in charge of a company?

Once again, I was suddenly reminded of another problem I’d gone on this trip to escape. I’d be taking over this company soon, and I just legitimately had absolutely no idea what I was fucking doing. I was so nervous that I was gonna just end up completely out of business in less than a year. I’d always been a pretty shitty employee at every job I’d ever had. So I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be an even shittier boss. I wished I was a hard-working, ambitious, go-getter like Jim. But I knew I wasn’t. And I knew I never would be.

For the second time since I’d arrived at the cabin; an immense sadness washed over me.

And a veil of darkness fell over the entire forest.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, Jim and Diramio had just found a clue.

“Diramio, does this look like blood to you?” Jim asked, as he pointed out a small spot of red on the trunk of a tree.

“I don’t fucking know, bro,” Diramio responded. “Can we just go back to the cabin? I need a drink.”

“Dude, Rob’s fucking lost in the woods and could be dead for all we know,” Jim replied. “How are you not taking this seriously?”

“I mean, I am, but I also just seriously need a drink.”

Suddenly, just then, the two friends heard a noise. Nothing big, but just a little rustling from a bush a few feet in front of them.

But then, there was another rustling. From a bush a few feet behind them.

Then one from their left.

Then one from their right.

Then, without warning...these huge fucking wolves emerged and began to surround them.

That’s right. Giant, hungry, scary-looking wolves.

They had bright red eyes, sharp claws, and massive teeth.

“Holy shit,” Jim whispered. “Diramio, don’t move. If they attack, our only shot at fighting them off is working together. You with me?”

There was silence.

“Diramio?” he said again.

Still, no answer.

Jim finally turned just in time to see the back of Diramio’s shirt as he was sprinting away.

“Diramio, you motherfu....”

Jim never even got that last word out before the terrifying beasts surrounding him pounced.

And, moments later, his lifeless, bloody body was just being dragged away into the forest.

Dominic and I returned to the cabin almost the same exact time as Gabe and Gabe Jr. Neither of our groups having found any hints at all as to an explanation for Rob’s disappearance. Mark and Erin got back soon afterwards, and they too had failed to find anything. The six of us just stood around fearing the worst. We decided if Diramio and Jim also returned empty-handed, then we’d just go to the police and hopefully they’d be able to help.

Time ticked by as we waited for Diramio and Jim to get back. We were just starting to get worried about them when suddenly we heard Diramio screaming off in the distance.

“FUCK...

THIS...

SHIT,

BRO!!”

He finally came bursting through the trees near the cabin, and, as soon as we saw him, we could all instantly tell something was seriously wrong.

Diramio ran right past all of us and straight inside.

We all looked at each other. And then we followed him.

As we walked in, Diramio was already over by the kitchen table, straight up pounding the bottle of fancy expensive liquor Jim had brought.

“Hey, uhhhh, D,” Mark said softly, “Where’s Jim?”

Diramio kept chugging from the bottle until it was completely empty. Then, he slammed it down on the table in front of us, took a deep breath, and simply said...

“Jim just got eaten by wolves, you guys.”

“No, seriously, where is he, Diramio?” Erin asked.

“BRO, SERIOUSLY, JIM JUST GOT FUCKING EATEN BY FUCKING WOLVES!!” Diramio shouted. “HUGE WOLVES WITH SCARY RED EYES. THEY SURROUNDED US OUT IN THE FOREST. I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO FIGHT THEM OFF, BUT JIM BEGGED ME TO RUN AWAY AND SAVE MYSELF.”

“Dude, Diramio, stop fucking around, man. Enough is enough,” Mark said, beginning to sorta lose his cool.

“Guys, for real, I’m not fucking around. Jim just got eaten by wolves. I’d be willing to bet Rob did too. We gotta get the fuck out of these woods, right now,” Diramio said, with a stark sternness to his voice none of us had ever heard him use before.

As crazy as it sounded, we figured maybe Diramio was actually telling the truth. But, either way, now TWO of our friends were apparently missing. So it was definitely time to leave the woods and go to the cops. We all began packing up our stuff and getting ready to head into the closest town.

However, Erin walked outside to load up Mark’s truck, and a split second later, we all heard a terrifying scream. We rushed out front and quickly saw that Erin had a made a gruesome discovery. The tires on all of our cars had been slashed. Well, more than slashed really. They were all completely shredded. It almost looked as though they’d been...clawed.

“Yo, you motherfuckers believe me now?” Diramio yelled. “The fucking wolves did this!”

Now, none of us knew what to think. We all just ran back into the cabin to regroup.

“Listen, guys,” Gabe said, “wolves or no wolves, something fucked up is clearly going on right now. And I gotta get my kids out of here safely. I’m their dad. They’re my family. I have to protect them.”

“Wait,” Mark shouted. “I have my four-wheeler outback. You and the kids can take that to get to the nearest town and then send help.”

We all ran outback and were relieved to find the ATV’s tires were still in good shape.

Gabe, Gabe Jr., and Dominic all climbed on board.

“Stay on the trails, and you should be fine,” Mark said. “You’ll hit a pretty major road in about fifteen miles. And if you follow that, you should eventually reach the town.”

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Gabe said. “You guys just stay safe. We’ll send help as soon as we can.”

With that, Gabe and the kids took off on the ATV, leaving behind just Mark, Erin, Diramio, and myself.

“Yo, I don’t understand why they get to leave, but we’re stuck here,” Diramio said, as the four of us began walking back into the cabin. “I mean, I like Gabe’s kids, but I also kinda like not getting eaten by fucking wolves.”

We all kinda nervously chuckled as we headed inside. However, I was a few steps behind the others, and I just kinda stopped in the doorway for a moment. I turned and looked back at the dust trail Gabe had left behind. I prayed that him and his kids would be alright. I thought it was so impressive that he’d stepped up to protect his family like that. I thought about my family. I already knew we’d never do anything like that for each other.

And just like that, another problem returned to my mind. Things with my family were just so messy. My mom had been the glue that held us all together, ya know. So, ever since her accident, it just seemed like we’d all been coming apart. I felt like my brother hated me. I felt like every conversation I had with my dad would eventually just turn into an argument. I felt like I wasn’t helping my sister enough as she struggled to take care of everyone. I just missed when we used to be a happy little family. Like Gabe and his kids.

Once again, sadness filled my heart.

And, once again, darkness filled the woods.

Gabe and his kids were flying down the narrow trail. He figured they’d probably already gone at least a dozen miles and should be hitting the main road soon. Gabe Jr and Dominic clung on tightly to their dad’s back as they sped along.

Suddenly, Dominic spotted a dark blur moving quickly through the wilderness on their right side. Then, Gabe Jr. noticed the same thing on their left. They quickly began trying to get their father’s attention over the loudness of the four-wheeler.

It soon worked, and Gabe turned around, only to immediately see multiple giant fucking wolves chasing right behind them on the trail, as well as along both sides of them. He cranked down on the gas in an attempt to get away, but it was no use. They stayed right there with him. Finally, one came running up from the side, causing Gabe to swerve in the other direction. He lost control and the four-wheeler careened off the trail and right into a tree. Gabe and his kids were all sent flying. Then, dozens upon dozens of hungry terrifying wolves just quickly descended upon all three of them.

And, sure enough, soon, their lifeless, bloody bodies were just being dragged away into the woods.

The sun was just beginning to set in the sky outside the cabin. Inside, the four of us were just doing our best to keep our shit together. By now, it had been at least a few hours since Gabe had left, and we still hadn’t heard anything from him or the help he was supposed to send. The shitty tv in the family room only got a handful of channels, but we’d managed to find one playing a marathon of old Home Improvement episodes. So, we all just sat there quietly, watching Tim the Toolman Taylor.

But, eventually, Diramio broke the silence.

“Dude, this is so fucked up. Gabe and his kids should’ve reached that town hours ago and sent help. I bet they got eaten by wolves.”

“Diramio, shut up, don’t say that,” I replied. “Even just joking around about Gabe’s kids dying seems super messed up....”

“Fuck that, I’m not even joking,” he replied. “I bet they got eaten by wolves, and I bet soon we will be too.”

“D, relax,” Mark said. “We’re not gonna be eaten by wolves. Help will come.”

“Yeah, but what are we gonna do if it doesn’t,” Diramio responded.

Mark tried to reply, but he didn’t really have an answer.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Diramio said. “You don’t know what we’re gonna do. But I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do...I’m gonna get super fucked up.”

And with that Diramio stood up and walked out of the family room.

After he left, Erin turned to Mark and said, “Babe, for real, what are we gonna do if help doesn’t come?”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Mark said, putting his arm around his fiancée. “Help will come. And until it gets here, I’m not gonna let anything happen to us.”

“Promise?” Erin asked.

“I promise,” Mark said. “Plus, babe, this cabin’s made out of bricks. So even if there are big bad wolves out there; going by three little pig logic we should be safe.”

Erin laughed.

“I love you, Mark.”

“I love you too.”

As I witnessed this conversation between my soon to be married friends, I couldn’t help but to feel a tiny bit of jealousy. Well, actually, I felt a shitload of jealousy. I wished I had someone who loved me.

I wished Jane loved me.

Once again, a problem I’d managed to momentarily forget rushed back into my head. I don’t know why I fucking liked Jane so much, you guys. Like, seriously. I know she’s never going to want to fucking be with me. But I just can’t help it. No other girl makes me feel the way she does. Bro, this shit isn’t fucking fair. I just wish for once a girl I was into was actually into me back, man. How come that never fucking happens for me?!? Like, what the fuck is so wrong with me, you guys?!?!?

The sadness hit me this time like a punch to the face.

The darkness surrounded the cabin like a flash flood.

Then, suddenly...

CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!!

Wolves violently burst in through every single window of the cabin.

“Holy Fucking Shit!” Mark screamed. “The pig story never mentioned windows!!”

The wolves lunged for Erin, but Mark dove in front to protect her. There were just too many wolves though. They quickly tore right through Mark.

“Ian, help!!” Erin screamed.

But there was nothing I could do. Wolves just continued flooding in through the windows, and I had no way of getting to her before they did.

“Erinnnn!!!!” I shouted as I watched them viciously bite into her.

“YO MOTHERFUCKER, WE GOTTA MOVE!!”

Before I knew what was happening, Diramio was yanking me out of the family room, which was now completely overrun by wolves. We quickly ran through the cabin as more and more of the monstrous beasts came bursting through every window and doorway.

“QUICK, GET UP THE LITTLE WOODEN LADDER TO THE LOFT!” Diramio shouted as the two of us dashed past more of the ferocious killers.

We reached the little wooden ladder and quickly climbed up just before they got to us.

Diramio and I looked down from the loft at what appeared to be at least a hundred terrifying wolves staring back up at us with their big red eyes and giant teeth.

“IAN, BRO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO?!?” Diramio shouted. “I DON’T WANNA GET EATEN BY WOLVES!! I DON’T WANNA FUCKING DIE, DUDE!!”

Unfortunately, hearing Diramio say that he didn’t want to die...once again caused immense sadness to wash over my body.

And a veil of darkness to cover my entire world.

Because, just like that, my last and largest problem suddenly popped back into my head.

“Well, of course YOU don’t want to die, Diramio,” I quietly said. “Why would you? People actually like you.”

“Wait? What?” Diramio responded. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean.”

“Nothing, man. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Bro, I’m here, you might as well talk to me.”

“Dude,” I responded, “that’s the problem...you’re not actually here. You’ve never actually been here. Nobody ever was. I literally couldn’t find a single fucking person to go camping with me this weekend. So I just had to go alone. Because nobody fucking likes me, man. Everyone says their my friend. Everyone says they care about me. But nobody ever wants to spend time with me. Nobody ever wants to hang out. Nobody ever wants to do anything.”

As I spoke, the wolves below began growing more restless and aggressive. They soon started figuring out how to inch their way up the little wooden ladder to the loft. And the sadder I got, the higher they climbed.

“Ian, dude, you need to stop,” Diramio said, noticing the beasts getting closer and closer. “Like, I know I’m not really here, but I still don’t wanna get eaten by a fucking wolf, bro.”

“Diramio, I don’t want to hate being alone. I don’t want to worry about work or miss how my family used to be. I don’t wanna get depressed over girls. And I don’t wanna feel like nobody likes me. But I can’t help it, man. I thought by coming up here for the weekend I could escape my problems, but it didn’t work. They followed me. And now they’re gonna get us.”

“Bro, you just need to face your problems head on instead of trying to run away from them,” Diramio shouted, as the wolves were now only inches away from reaching us.

“Dude, I don’t know how to face my problems!!” I yelled back.

“YES YOU DO, IAN,” Diramio screamed. “YOU ALWAYS HAVE.”

The wolves finally made it to the top of the little wooden ladder and went to pounce.

“Howwww, Diramio, just tell me!” I screamed at the last moment.

“Well you called this a weekend writing retreat, right bro?” Diramio said, as the wolves closed in around him.

“Maybe you should try fucking writing...”

And with that, the wolves attacked Diramio.

“NOOOOO!!!” I screamed.

But it was too late.

They quickly began dragging him back down the little wooden ladder.

However, what he had just said struck me.

Like, I HAD called this a weekend writing retreat.

And, well, maybe that was the secret here, man.

Maybe, instead of using this weekend to try to escape my problems, I could literally do the exact opposite, and use it to face them.

I could deal with my problems the same way I just dealt with everything: by writing a fucking weird ass story about them.

And I knew writing about my problems wouldn’t actually solve them, you guys.

But it wouldn’t be running away from them either.

And I was never going to be able to run away from my problems.

They were always gonna be there.

Hunting me down.

Chasing me.

Just biting and scratching at me.

Like fucking wolves.

I looked down at the hundreds of beasts mauling Diramio below me.

I still wasn’t convinced writing a story about my problems would actually help. But there was one thing I was absolutely certain of.

And that’s that, if I did write a story about my problems...

I wasn’t gonna let it fucking end like this.

Because, as much I was convinced that nobody liked me, deep down, I knew that there was at least one person who did.

And I wasn’t about to let him get eaten by fucking wolves.

I stood up, took a deep breath, and just shouted, “Hold on, Diramio! I’m coming!”

And with that, I dove over the edge of the loft and into giant mess of murderous creatures below.

As soon as I landed, I just started punching and kicking and head-butting every fucking wolf around me. Somehow I managed to knock away the ones dragging Diramio, and I was fucking delighted to discover he wasn’t quite dead yet.

“HOLY FUCK, BRO!! I THOUGHT I WAS DONEZO!!” he shouted, as he climbed to his feet and joined me in fighting the onslaught of wolves coming at us.

“Nah, fuck that shit, D,” I replied. “It’s time to face this shit head-on.”

The two of us went back to back as the wolves continued attacking us.

“IAN, YOU NEED TO REALIZE,” Diramio yelled, as we both kept struggling to fight off the frenzied animals. “PEOPLE DO LIKE YOU, MAN. FUCKING EVERYONE LIKES YOU. PEOPLE DON’T LAUGH AT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. WHEN YOUR NAME COMES UP, PEOPLE USUALLY JUST SAY SHIT LIKE, OH I KNOW IAN KINNEY. I LIKE HIM.”

After Diramio shouted that, somehow, someway, a giant sword appeared in his hands. And so he just quickly began using it fight off the wolves.

Then, suddenly...

Mark and Erin came bursting through the back door of the cabin.

“Ian, trust us,” Mark said. “One day you will find love, dude. I know it’s hard sometimes, but if it was easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.”

“You just have to keep being yourself, Ian,” Erin added. “You’re an awesome guy. And maybe this Jane doesn’t realize that. But the next one will. I promise.”

As soon as Mark and Erin finished talking, they both whipped out machine guns and started blasting the shit out of wolves.

Then, suddenly...

The front door burst open and in ran Gabe and his kids.

“Bro, nobody’s family is perfect,” Gabe shouted. “But the fact that you care so much shows how much you love them. And that’s what really matters, man.”

“Plus, I know you think we’re a happy little family,” Gabe Jr. added. “But we wouldn’t be without you.”

“Yeah,” Dominic said. “You’re our Uncle Ian.”

Once again, as soon as my friends stopped talking, they pulled out weapons and joined the battle against the wolves. Gabe had a little tiny slingshot and his sons both had giant grenade launchers.

“Wait, dude, hold on,” Gabe said, “How come I only get...”

Then, suddenly...

Jim came bursting through the ceiling and landed right in the middle of the fight.

“Ian, dude, don’t worry about work, bro,” Jim quickly shouted. “Like, for real, in the last ten years, you went from dreaming about being a writer to now running your own publishing company. You’re gonna be fine. I just can’t wait to see how much higher you rise, man.”

Jim finished his quick speech, pulled out a chainsaw, and then just started massacring wolves with the rest of us.

Then, finally...

The floor of the cabin broke open and out crawled Rob.

“Ian, you’re not alone,” he said. “You never have been. You never will be. Almost everyone in the cabin has had your back for literally over thirty years now. We’re not fucking going anywhere, dude. We’re always gonna be here for you. Even if it’s just to help you fight imaginary wolves in an incredibly weird fucking story.”

And with that, Rob whipped out the golden gun from Goldeneye 64 and joined the brawl.

So, there we were, the whole crew, just fighting wolves together.

And, eventually, after a long and bloody battle; we won.

We didn’t actually kill all of the wolves. Most of them just ran away. So I knew they’d be back in time.

But, I also knew, when they did return, I wasn’t going to try to escape or run away from them.

I was just going to deal with them.

The only way I knew how.

I hope you liked this weird ass story, you guys.

It will not be my last.

THE END

submitted by /u/IanTheWriter [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/3av4Dw2

#Blogger #Story

0 notes