#hes stopped squarely at welp i love all these people & theres nothing i can do about it guess ill just sit here & pine & yearn about it

[meistoshim]

thinking about satoshi & romance junk ...     so, it’s an understatement to say he’s had a few people express romantic interest in him  ;     he’s kind & brave & protective without treating people like glass & he’s amazing with pokémon & in battle, & his looks aren’t shabby either   —   he’s kinda hard not to get a crush on.     but most times he’s been entirely oblivious purely because said interest has been expressed vaguely, through insinuation, rather than outright  ;     hell, he had no idea how serena felt about him until she straight-up just kissed him, & she’s hardly the most subtle of people.     which brings this post to the topic of satoshi’s own crushes, present & plural.

the thing is, his feelings develop very slowly, he doesn’t get crushes at first sight or after some defining moment  ;     they need time to solidify, small things piling up over time, usually months at the least, not recognized but realized, more akin to actually falling in love than most people’s version of developing a crush.     the first person he realized he had a crush on was kasumi, & just as they were about to part ways after johto. just a moment of “oh. i don’t actually wanna say goodbye. oh. i actually really don’t want to say goodbye, i want to spend as much time with her as possible, uh oh.”.

the second was shigeru, some time during his travels in sinnoh, but it was odd, because he’d already figured out he had a crush on kasumi & he knew those feelings hadn’t changed, but he’d never heard anyone talk about having more than one crush at a time, & everything he’d ever heard about romance was in terms of pairs, two halves, one & one.     the feelings fit, but it didn’t fit with what he’d seen from others.     even the very few love triangle movies he’d seen always ended in a two-person relationship.     it took a very carefully timed question to takeshi about his own romantic ventures   ( it helped that satoshi was actually genuinely curious about how takeshi kept jumping from one crush to another ) ,  to understand that yeah, sometimes people had enough love in them to have feelings for more than one person at a time, that was a thing & entirely normal.

thanks to this, when it came time for him to part with the friends he’d made in kalos & serena had already left for hoenn &, in an evident tradition of having just the worst timing with these things, satoshi realized he’d developed feelings for both citron & serena, he was able to accept that quickly & without second-guessing himself.

he didn’t really kick himself for realizing it “too late” in serena’s case since she was the only person he knew for certain reciprocated the feelings, because he’s kind of understood for a while that he travels too much to consistently keep in touch with people he’s not actively traveling with, or at least in the same region as, so, even if he tried pursuing something there, he just wouldn’t be able to keep up the relationship, not even mentioning his workaholic focus on battling   ( even if he’d never call it quite that ) .     that’s also the reason he hasn’t tried to pursue anything with his other crushes either, regardless of if he thinks they might reciprocate or not  ;     he’s just not stable enough to maintain relations outside friendship   ( he just barely maintains acquaintanceships ) ,  at least not in a way he feels the other people would deserve, not in the way he’d like to.

#+ prev tags: #without even getting into all the talk that could go into trying to arrange the possible polycule bc he hasnt thought nearly that far #hes stopped squarely at welp i love all these people & theres nothing i can do about it guess ill just sit here & pine & yearn about it #▐█ ▌ ◇ — ( study. ) #▐█ ▌ ◇ — ( pkmn is autistic culture. ) #q.

[meistoshi-m]

thinking about satoshi & romance junk...     so, it's an understatement to say he's had a few people express romantic interest in him  ;     he's kind & brave & protective without treating people like glass & he's amazing with pokémon & in battle, & his looks aren't shabby either   —   he's kinda hard not to get a crush on.     but most times he's been entirely oblivious purely because said interest has been expressed vaguely, through insinuation, rather than outright  ;     hell, he had no idea how serena felt about him until she straight-up just kissed him, & she's hardly the most subtle of people.     which brings this post to the topic of satoshi's own crushes, present & plural.

the thing is, his feelings develop very slowly, he doesn't get crushes at first sight or after some defining moment  ;     they need time to solidify, small things piling up over time, usually months at the least, not recognized but realized, more akin to actually falling in love than most people's version of developing a crush, but just as fragile.     the first person he realized he had a crush on was kasumi, & just as they were about to part ways after johto. just a moment of "oh. i don't actually wanna say goodbye. oh. i actually really don't want to say goodbye, i want to spend as much time with her as possible, uh oh.".

the second was shigeru, some time during his travels in sinnoh, but it was odd, because he'd already figured out he had a crush on kasumi & he knew those feelings hadn't changed, but he'd never heard anyone talk about having more than one crush at a time, & everything he'd ever heard about romance was in terms of pairs, two halves, one & one.     the feelings fit, but it didn't fit with what he'd seen from others.     even the very few love triangle movies he'd seen always ended in a two-person relationship.     it took a very carefully timed question to takeshi about his own romantic ventures   ( it helped that satoshi was actually genuinely curious about how takeshi kept jumping from one crush to another ) ,  to understand that yeah, sometimes people had enough love in them to have feelings for more than one person at a time, that was a thing & entirely normal.

thanks to this, when it came time for him to part with the friends he'd made in kalos & serena had already left for hoenn &, in an evident tradition of having just the worst timing with these things, satoshi realized he'd developed feelings for both citron & serena, he was able to accept that quickly & without second-guessing himself.

he didn't really kick himself for realizing it "too late" in serena's case since she was the only person he knew for certain reciprocated the feelings, because he's kind of understood for a while that he travels too much to consistently keep in touch with people he's not actively traveling with, or at least in the same region as, so, even if he tried pursuing something there, he just wouldn’t be able to keep up the relationship, not even mentioning his workaholic focus on battling   ( even if he'd never call it quite that ) .     that's also the reason he hasn't tried to pursue anything with his other crushes either, regardless of if he thinks they might reciprocate or not  ;     he's just not stable enough to maintain relations outside friendship   ( he just barely maintains acquaintanceships ) ,  at least not in a way he feels the other people would deserve, not in the way he'd like to.

#ahem. WAAAH #this was gnna be a lot shorter but then i Thought #without even getting into all the talk that could go into trying to arrange the possible polycule bc he hasnt thought nearly that far #hes stopped squarely at welp i love all these people & theres nothing i can do about it guess ill just sit here & pine & yearn about it #▐█ ▌ ◇ — ( pkmn is autistic culture. ) #▐█ ▌ ◇ — ( study. )

[gaamagirl565]

Matters of the heart Season 3 Episode 3 A heart of thirst WARNING: this episode of matters of the heart contains heavy subject matters 

Matters of the heart Season 3 Episode 3 A heart of thirst WARNING: this episode of matters of the heart contains heavy subject matters {OPENING CREDITS} {Open to Corona castles throne room; Larkspur sits sideways on one of the thrones sipping from a golden goblet despondently} Vergus: Mistress? Why do you look so blue? we have everything we could ever want. Corona is ours. Larkspur:  not everything... those morons continue to fight us... and noremoth…. {Her grip tightens on her cup before she throws it across the room} Larkspur: I WANT HIM FOUND!.... Vergus: O-Of course mistress! Larkspur:  he betrayed us all...He betrayed me! {Vergus walks up to her throne; he takes off he cape and drapes it across her} Vergus:  of course he did mistress. did you expect anything less of the man? Larkspur:  to be honest I don't know what I expected of him…. more than this! Vergus:  for all we know mistress he could be dead.  our sweet vessel took care of him quite nicely the last time we saw him. Larkspur:  that is true... wherever he is I hope he's burning. what traitors deserve... what everyone deserves.  those privileged, underhanded… Vergus:  mistress if I may… {he hands her a small vial} Larkspur:  what is that? Vergus: a sleeping aid. you've been awake for more than 2 days. you must be exhausted.  for the sake of-!? {Larkspur snatches it from his hands and chugs the small vial} Vergus:....Right then….um... do call me if you need anything… Larkspur:  I'll be fine…. Go. {Vergus bows and leaves; Larkspur turns over in the chair tiredly and closes her eyes; fade to Vardaros where rain pours from the sky; a younger Larkspur dressed in rags watches with a cold glare as a coffin is being carried through the streets with a large crowd of people; a young woman steps on the stage in town square} Vex: Ladies and Gentlemen...We have….sorry...We have lost someone dear to all of us. Larkspur: pfftt… “dear”... Vex: Captain Quiad was an honourable and just man. He fought for what was right and whenever we needed him he was always right there.  whenever he thought he was out of the game he always searched for a reason to get back in. He cared for all of us. no matter who you are or who you were….He was a brave Sheriff who fought for every man, woman, and child... and it is with a heavy heart that we today say goodbye. {Thunder rumbles causing Larkspur to jump and go back into the alley} Larkspur: Fought for everyone...puh!  he was nothing but a tired old man running around with a sword.  if he truly did anything for our town then why am I still hungry!? Why are my brothers and sisters dead!? Why did I watch my family starve!? {She kicks a can but yells in pain} Larkspur: I hate Vardaros… I hate them all... {fade out to Larkspur asleep in the throne mumbling; Cut to the medical tent at camp; Noremoth breathes shakily as Hector looks over the wounds with the physician} Hector: Straight through… Physician:  yes unfortunately the blade went straight through him. it caused some serious internal injuries that I was able to repair mostly through surgery but I fear that infection is going to take him. Hector:  judging from the wound shape i’m going to say it was a straight single edged sword. Physician: I've done what I can to the wound as for the infection… Hector:  not much you can do for that... he's got to fight his own battle now. {Varian walks in with Eugene} Varian: how is he? Hector:  let's just say he's had better days. and if he doesn't fight off this infection he won't have any more days. Eugene:  we don't have much medicine left... kids we are able to learn some valuable information about whatever gas the cult used... it can be lethal  but we don't have an antidote. Varian:  I could synthesize one if I had my lab but it's too dangerous to sneak back into town. Hector: welp... better practice Your Grave digging boys… {Hector walks out of the tent} Eugene:  you know I was kind of hoping that after all these years he would have lightened up a little bit but clearly not… Varian: Isaiah...I know you're there you can come out now. {Isaiah walks in with Benny} Varian: theres my girl! {Benny runs over and is lifted up} Varian: what going on with you two? Sneaking around? Isaiah:  are the sick and injured really doing that bad? Varian:....ummm Isaiah:  dad come on… I need to know. {Varian sighs and puts benny down} Varian:  yeah... they're not doing good. Eugene: people are going to want to know what's going on... we might as well be honest.  we're running out of Medicine.  Hector and his family have been quite the help foraging for ingredients for remedies but that's not going to hold these people off.  if we can't find a way to cure them we're going to lose a lot of people. Isaiah: *gasps*...but...Nathaniel...he.. Varian: I'm sorry buddy but it's not looking good for him. {Isaiah runs out of the tent and Eugene places a hand on Varians shoulder; Cut back to Larkspur groaning in her sleep; Fade into her dream; Younger larkspur sits outside a shop begging for coins} Larkspur:...please...coins? I just want some bread… {A child stops by her and reaches out before being pulled away by his mother} Mother: Don’t speak to beggars! They probably have the plague! {Larkspur growls in anger before shivering} Larkspur: Pathetic whelps...what makes me less than you?....one day you’ll be the ones begging… Unknown woman: Oh is that so? {Larkspur jumps surprised and looks up at a young woman with golden curly hair} Larkspur: ...and you are? Unknown woman: You cut right down to business don't you? Larkspur:  I don't like speaking unless I know whom I'm speaking to. Unknown woman: Fair enough...I’m Chiara, and you? Larkspur:....Larkspur… Chiara: like the flower? Thats so pretty! {She sits next to her} Larkspur:....You're not from here are you? Chiara:  is it that easy to tell?  I just moved here!  I heard there was a huge demand for bakeries!  I want to set up my own shop here. Larkspur:  well lesson number one little miss Chi-chi... I'm a beggar you're supposed to avoid me and pretend I don't exist…. Chiara:...that doesn't sound right.  if you're so down on your luck shouldn't we be working together to help you? {Larkspur laughs} Larkspur:  oh you're really not from here. Chiara:...hmmm...oh! Here! Have some!  it's going to be my bakery’s special! {She hands her a muffin; Larkspur looks at her suspiciously before rolling her eyes and taking it; she takes a bite and her eyes practically glow with amazment} Larkspur: it...IT’S AMA- {She looks at Chiara’s beaming face} Larkspur: it’s good… Chiara: Oh!  I'm so glad you like it! I'm good at baking all sorts of treats but muffins are my specialty.  this one is specifically an apple cinnamon one! {She leans in real close to whisper} Chiara: they're my favorite too! Larkspur: *snerk* Chiara:  oh dear I'm supposed to meet the movers at my new shop!  it was lovely meeting you Larkspur!  I'll see you soon! Larkspur:...yeah...um...thanks...bye. {She sits back against the wall and takes a bite of the muffin before slightly smiling; Fade out on Larkspur smiling asleep; fade back into her dream; Chiara sneaks into a back alley} Chiara: Larkspur? You here? {Larkspur jumps down from a roof onto a wooden crate making Chiara jump} Chiara: OH! Haha! You startled me! Larkspur: How's business? Chiara:  it's been doing great in the past months! I brought cake by the way! Larkspur:  you know I don't have much of a sweet tooth. Chiara:  I know but who doesn't like cake!? {Larkspur smirks and sits next to her; Chiara takes out the cake to show it has larkspur and rose flowers on it} Chiara: Ta-daa! Larkspur: huh? Last time I checked flowers didn't exactly taste very good. Chiara:  no silly!  they’re just decoration! Your name is Larkspur so that was an obvious choice but roses are my favorite!  this is to celebrate several months of friendship! Larkspur:.... Chiara:  you don't like it?  chocolate not your thing? don't tell me you're allergic! Oh i’m sorry! Larkspur: N-no! it's not that at all... I'm just confused. Chiara:  confused? Why? Larkspur:  I'm a beggar..people avoid me...it’s always been that way...people despise me. {Chiara sets the cake down} Chiara: tell me about it? Larkspur:.... my parents died when I was young. plague. I didn't have any next of kin so I was sent here to a poor house.  I don't know what you are living situation was but when you're all alone in the world you have to find allies.  a group of children in that poor house... they were my family… Chiara:....were? Larkspur:...Vardaros was taken over at one point by powerful man. the baron.  he’d pay you good if you worked for him. So my siblings and I decided to work for him. Of course I never got to meet him personally mind you he always had his little big-nosed henchmen do everything for him. that included paying us. I'm not going to sugarcoat it the stuff I did for him... it was bad. not stuff for the faint of heart. you do what you can to survive. Chiara:  what happened? Larkspur:  some people from Corona came and overthrew him… once he was gone that spineless little weasel decided he didn't need us.  he tried to take over the town. he lasted maybe a few days before those people from Corona overthrew him as well.they had Quiad return in “glory”... as if he hadn't been gone for over a decade already.   with our steady pay gone we had to look for other means of survival. nobody wants to hire beggar children…. they all started getting sick… Chiara: larkspur… Larkspur:   there was nothing I could do... I stole whatever I could to try and feed them... but no matter how much I stole it was never enough.  and none of those self-righteous people would ever help.  I watched them all slowly starve to death. they were so much younger than me.  sometimes I would think of them as my children. {larkspur gasps as she feels Chiara wrap her arms around her} Chiara:  I'm so sorry…. I can't imagine that pain. Larkspur: To this day I still don't understand why nobody would help... they think they’re so much better than us... I swore on the day that I saw the last of them starve that I would make everybody in this town feel the same pain and Desperation that I felt. that one day everybody around me would be the ones begging while I walked over them. Chiara:... and would that make you feel better? Larkspur: of course it would! they need to suffer as I have suffered! this whole the innocent and meek shall inherit the earth is garbage!  I didn't do anything to anybody and I suffer day in and day out!  yet these people treat me like I'm garbage and they have a full belly every night! Chiara:  Larkspur... would you say that you felt happy when you were with all those children? Larkspur:... they were my family... course I felt happy with them. Chiara:  and now that you're alone you feel miserable and angry. Larkspur: what is your point? Chiara:  you don't want Vengeance you want love. you miss them. you miss having someone care for you the way that they cared for you.  losing them broke you.  but just because you're broken doesn't mean you can't be put back together. {Larkspur leans into her and Chiara strokes her hair} Chiara: You know I think I have an idea! Larkspur: hmm? Chiara:  there's a spare room in my house. I've mostly been using it for storage but I don't have many things of my own so it's pretty much just an empty room.  but it's warm!  downstairs is the bakery and I could use the help! Larkspur: Are you giving me a job? Chiara: Of course!  you'll get paid and free room and board! Larkspur: why?... Chiara: when something's broken it's easier to have help to put it back together. {Larkspur smiles and hugs her; cut to a few months later as Larkspur enters the shop wearing a simple dress and apron} Chiara: Hi! Welcome home! Larkspur: I just put the horse back and there's new bags of flour in the storage room. Chiara: you’re the best!  thanks for doing that pick up. Larkspur:  it's my job. Chiara:  I know but it's still nice that you do it. {The door jingles as costumers enter} Chiara:  can you handle this one? I'm about to take a fresh batch of sourdough out. Larkspur: don't lie to me you were experimenting with the cakes again weren't you? Chiara:  I will perfect a cake with the best strawberry cream filling! you will see yet! {Larkspur gently shoves her into the back} Larkspur:  just make sure you are trying to use gunpowder to cook faster I don't want another explosion like last time….How can I help you sir? Villager: one sourdo-....... Larkspur:.... Sir? Villager:  you were that beggar… Larkspur:... yes I was a beggar.  but I don't appreciate people prying into my personal life so I'll ask you again, how can I help you sir? Villager:  please tell me you wash your hands before touching the dough! Larkspur:  excuse me? Villager: you were a beggar! you were exposed to all sorts of illnesses weren't you!?  and now you're working in a bread shop!? Disgusting! {Chiara walks in} Chiara:  is there a problem out here? Villager:  you hired a beggar!?  you know how disease-ridden these people are!? Chiara:  sir, that's not very polite. Villager:  who cares about being polite when you could infect the entire town! Chiara: I care about being polite!  now sir if you don't mind I respectfully ask that you leave my establishment and seek business elsewhere. Villager: Oh i’ll leave!  but I'm warning you it isn't good business to hire a beggar! They’re filthy! They have lice! Chiara: Leave now! {Chiara pushes the man from the shop and closes the door} Chiara:  are you okay? Larkspur:  it's nothing that I'm not used to.... in this town once a beggar always a beggar. plus I'm sure some of the people who come in here recognize me from my old work. Chiara:  don't think like that!  sure that guy was a jerk but that doesn't mean all people are bad! once more people start coming in and tasting the delicious bread that we bake they'll forget all about the past!  Promise! {Larkspur furrows her brow for a moment before sighing and nodding} Larkspur:  you have so much faith in people… Chiara:  no I have faith in good food! {She sticks a bun in Larkspurs mouth and she laughs; cut to Isaiah giving water to the sick as Varian watches and sighs} Varian: I have to do something… Eugene:  Varian there's nothing you can do you said it yourself it's too dangerous to sneak back into town. Varian: But there has to be something we can do they're all getting worse! Lance:Well maybe if worse comes to worst we can go to a nearby Kingdom and get some supplies. of course then we'd risk leaving everybody defenseless and possibly leading some people back to the camp… Varian:  you're both just rays of sunshine today aren't you? Rapunzel:  haven't seen this many injured or sick since the Great Fire of Vardaros… Varian: the what? Eugene:  oh right, Varian wasn't here for that, sunshine… Rapunzel:  oh that's right he was on his little Adventure! Varian: AY! Scientific Expedition! Rapunzel: riggghhtt… Lance:  it was this great big fire that spread all over Vardaros… Eugene: yeah apparently it spread in the middle of the night. Vex wrote to us asking for help.  when we got there the entire place have been ravaged by the fire. Rapunzel:  I had Corona help with whatever rebuilding that needed to be done.  unfortunately turns out a lot of people didn’t survive that fire. just find it weird how it started in the middle of the night and nobody seems to know how. Eugene:  a lot of people died sunshine maybe they just didn't want to talk about it. {Varian gets up and starts walking away} Rapunzel: Varian?  where are you going? Varian:  I have to do something to help! Coronavirus faced many bad things throughout history but it's not going to end with us. I'll be sure of that. {He walks off; cut to Larkspur shivering in the throne with her lip quivering; fade into her dream; Larkspur is driving her wagon full of flour, yeast, and sugar home; at first she is calm then she sees an orange glow getting bigger} Larkspur: What on earth? {The bakery is on fire with a crowd of people around it; Larkspur gasps in horror and signals the horse to gallop; once she gets close enough she sees Vex yelling at the small crowd as the bakery is engulfed} Larkspur: …..What...h-happened…? {She hops off the wagon and stumbles over to the burning building; Vex runs over and pulls her back} Larkspur: W-Wait! Chiara! WHERE’S CHIARA!? Vex: Who? Larkspur: The baker! My friend! Vex: ...the bake-.... {Vex sadly looks over at the covered person on the ground; Larkspurs eyes dilate; for a moment all that is heard is Larkspurs heartbeat} Larkspur: AHHHHH!!!! {She runs over and pulls the sheet off her friend to reveal Chiara’s soot covered face} Larkspur: Chiara! Chiara please wake up! Don’t leave me alone again! {Larkspur holds her and sobs} Vex: I..I’m so sorry… Larkspur: WHO DID THIS!? Which one of you monsters did this!? Villager: I did… Larkspur: ….y-you!? Villager: someone in town who frequented you shop caught the plague… Larkspur: SO!? You can catch that anywhere! We were both clean! Villager: as I was just explaining to our lovely Sheriff here we were doing our civic duty and burning the infected business Vex: And as I was telling YOU- you can’t just burn down a building! You didn’t even have evidence they got sick here! And you set it a blaze with someone inside! That’s murder! Larkspur: you...you set fire to the shop and let her die!? {A small explosion rings out; everyone turns to the flames} Larkspur: th-the gun powder… Vex: Gun po-EVERYONE DOWN! {A large explosion erupts from the shop blowing people away and blasting out the display window; Larkspur groggily sits up before looking around and crawling back over to Chiara and holding her close} Larkspur: Chiara… Villager: Help! {Larkspur turns to see the villager pinned under some debrisas the fire spreads to other buildings} Villager: Please help me! The smoke is becoming too thick! {He coughs and sputters as larkspur lifts Chiara} Villager: Please i’ll do...anything..please help… Larkspur:...Shut up you filthy beggar… {She turns an begins walkin out of Vardaros carrying Chiara as the fire spreads further; fade to a hillside over looking Vardaros; Larkspur lays down some roses on a makeshift grave; she looks over at the smouldering town} Larkspur: Never again...I Swear Chiara...I'm never going to let this world bring me down again...I'll show them all... I'll show them what happens when you kick people around. Eventually we're able to kick back.  that's what I'm going to do. If I'm not allowed to have love... I'll have fear... I'll be the one on top... people will follow me. I'll make them pay for what they did to us. all of them. {Cut to Larkspur jerking awake with a gasp} Vergus: Mistress? Are you alright? Larkspur:...y-yeah...yes..I’m fine.. how long have I been asleep? Vergus:  almost the entire day.  you needed the rest. Larkspur: Vergus?... can you cook? Vergus:  mistress? ummm... yes I can cook fairly well why? Larkspur:...  could you please cook some apple cinnamon muffins? {Vergus cocks an eyebrow} Vergus: I..uhh..Y-yes... of course mistress I'll get right on it… {larkspur stares off at the sunset coldly; cut to camp as Isaiah is carrying in a stack of logs; he trips} Isaiah: YAGH! Bjørn: Whoa little man! {Juniper catches Isaiah and Bjørn catches the logs} Bjørn: Don't over exceed your own weight. Isaiah:  I could say the same to you whenever the Soup pot is done Juniper: PFFTT!! Bjørn: why you little- Hector: Bjørn! Juniper! Bjørn: Coming father! This isn’t over. {Isaiah yawns and stretches as he walks over to his families tent; he stops once inside an smiles; Varian snores on his bed  surrounded by various books about healing. Herbology, and alchemy; Isaiah throws a blanket on him and blows out the candle} {END CREDITS}

#tangled #rapunzel’s tangled adventure #matters of the heart #fanfic #Eugene Fitzherbert #larkspur #tts hector #Rapunzel #tangled the series #TTS #RTA #tts oc #rta oc #lance strongbow

[ihatedallyman-blog]

stuff abt my life that you probably dont care about but it would be much appreciated if even just one person read, but its whatever.

so, hi. this is probably gonna be long but i need to get this off my chest. if you didn't already know, im generally a really happy, nice, appreciative person. one of the things i love most is making people happy, but i usually get nothing in return. welp, lets just get into it. im not rich. my family isn't rich. were middle-class. my mom is a nurse and my dad is a construction worker, which provides for the five of us in one house, a dog, and sort of for my brother that doesn't live with us anymore. i am not spoiled. maybe i am. but i only get some of the stuff i want because i have never done anything that will amount to what my brothers have done to themselves, others, and my parents. one of my friends, constantly call me spoiled because i get some of the stuff i want. she constantly says my family is rich. if we were to be rich, do you really think we would be in a one square-mile poor, druggy town? do you really think that? let me just say this: my brothers have been addicted to drugs and have sold them before. don't get me wrong, i know that is terrible but they're my brothers. they're great people. i love them. ive seen the hardships for them and how it effects others, especially our family, and i hope to never fall into that. our family was almost torn apart by their drug addictions. my parents were so frustrated and fighting with them and each other constantly that they almost got a divorce, and actually did kick the only brother i live with out. that night, he almost killed himself. if it wasn't for his friend, he would have died. i would've never got to say goodbye, hug him, or tell him i love him again. i owe everything to the guy that made him throw up tons of pills. the day he told me about this, i told my bestfriends my feelings. one out of the three, who still remains one of my friends for idk why, turned this around to her problems. she said at least my brother wasn't in jail like hers. you know what i think about that? bull fucking shit. i couldn't care less if her brothers in jail. he did something to deserve it. my brother almost fucking died. do you know how hard that is to grasp? no. she doesn't and maybe someone, if anyone does, reading this may not know either. reader, im not coming at you for not knowing. i know you wont turn this around on me. but seriously? how could you say that to someone? especially your own best friend that trusts- no, trusted you? enough of that, extreme anxiety and extreme depression runs in my family. just so happens that lucky me got it. no one knows this. no one knows how much i hurt inside, because theres no marks on my skin that can prove it. i do not cut myself, solely so no one will know. solely so if someone sees, they wont give me that disgusting look of pity and ask me why i would do this to myself. you know the answer. i scratch myself all to hell, snap a rubber band against myself, anything thag wont make marks. i know its cheesy and cringy, but that quote is true. you know that one, the one that goes "the happiest people are the saddest" or "some people care so much and try to make everyone else happy because they dont want anyone to have to feel what they do". its true. so, fucking, true. i am terrified that one day, my little sister will cut herself not because of someone else, but because of herself. i am terrified of that. if one day she were to cry herself to sleep, or sit in her bed or on the floor or in the bathroom with that weight in her chest, barely being able to breathe, gasping for air, crying because she is scared of whats happening, and trying desperately to calm herself because she just wants this to be over, i would be petrified. these are just some of the things i have to deal with, and i would hate for anyone else to go through that. there are just little things i do that can prove to anyone that i need help, or just someone, anyone, to care. i stopped looking before crossing streets and i think if there were to be a car coming straight at me, i wouldn't move. theres been countless times i wanted to disappear, to die, but i don't want the pain of me leaving to be put on someone else. i know someone would care. my mom, dad, brothers, cousins. my sister would have to grow up sleeping in the room where i used to lie down to sleep. my friends at school, even teachers, would have to see my empty seat, empty locker, and walk around the halls knowing i wont be there to smile and say hello to everyone as the pass by. well, who knows if some of my friends care. i feel like they don't like me, and just put up with me. idk. its whatever. well, these, are my deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings. i trust you with this. if you've made it this far, thank you. shoot some random number or emoji to my ask box, so i know. it could even be anon. but thank you. so much. i hope you will never have to deal with these things and just remember that i always love you. im always here to talk and your business that you share will be between us, only. and i promise you i will try to help the best i can. i trust you. i love you. with everything. thank you, beautiful.

[meistoshi-m]

thinkin abt shippy stuff w satoshi is either soft as fuck or haha ow bc hed be Thee sweetest to a s/o but alas theres a whole 3 ppl in the world he trusts wholeheartedly without reservation & in general he feels like he's too shit at keeping up communication with people that arent literally next to him for him to be the kind of boyfriend he believes his crushes would deserve

#& to nab a few tags from the post where i delve a bit deeper into all this #without even getting into all the talk that could go into trying to arrange the possible polycule bc he hasnt thought nearly that far #hes stopped squarely at welp i love all these people & theres nothing i can do about it guess ill just sit here & pine & yearn about it #/ HOWEVER it's still 🥰 to think abt the shippy stuff #▐█ ▌ ◇ — ( pkmn is autistic culture. )