#i also know i really shouldn't have any standards for this particular game though but also. i *should*??? HGFDS sso should be held to

[a-town-called-hometown]

hi!! i loved your post about deltarune's metafiction and its (not) escapist themes, and it got my brain jogging, like... i guess ive just been thinking "why"? like ive heard that take before and i think its valid, but also like. why ? its obvious enough to me that deltarune uses the lightner/darkner relationship as a reflection of the player/game relationship and both of these things are addressed critically, but i can't help but wonder if there's a driving force for it all, outside of deltarune. like i can accept diegetically the darkners are not, or shouldn't be, subject only to the whims of lightners, but with any good story if you break it down to its core is ultimately saying something about humanity or the world and such. i mean i seriously doubt the people who seem to think that Toby Fox intends to induce *actual* guilt into the people who fund his life's work and career by purchasing his videogames, like, it's obvious that "you are a bad person because you play this videogame" isn't the intended message, nor was it in undertale. but then, what is? what is the purpose of a story that invites us to think of toys and game characters as "real"? not to trash my beloveds but i mean, literally speaking, their lives DONT matter, they r not real. it just feels like ive seen a lot of discussion about 'what' toby is doing with the narrative but i feel like that's only half the ordeal, the other half would be the reason why. my first thought was that the implicit 3rd thing being compared to the light-dark, player-game thing is actual social hierarchy IRL in which people are oppressed by another group that doesnt see them as human, bc iirc toby talked a bit about feeling powerless and wanting to do more to change the real world on real issues in an interview in 2020ish and of course there's the snarky gag about the fedora plugboy who doesn't like politics, so he doesn't care that an evil ruler is taking over the world. im not sure if that sits right with me as what the intention is (esp because the latter is a darkner talking about another darkner) but i couldnt think of much else although i do feel like a fallacy people get themselves into a lot in the fandom is the assumption that toby fox is this Impeccable Writing Machine and not just like A Guy. people make weird or flawed art sometimes, it doesn't *have* to adhere to standards. maybe deltarune is meaningless (or the meaning IS that it's meaningless, as though to complete the metaphor of it being a "real" fictional world, because if it is 'real' then like our world there is no "answer" or "purpose", it simply *is*.) dunno! im not expecting it to boil down to a simplistic fairytale moral like "dont bully people!!" or something, mr. fox tends to write more convoluted than that, but i feel like if there's something to be gained from this particular part of the game's story then i'm not sure i see the vision. what do u think? do u think this question is even answerable with only two chapters?

respectfully, I do heavily disagree with the notion that good stories necessarily have to say anything about the world or about humanity. one of the reasons I like metafiction is that it usually says something about how stories are constructed, and that's enough for me. there's plenty of stories that have bigger themes that aren't really all that much about human nature, at least, not directly. a story can comment on one specific thing without necessarily making a broader statement about people, you know? not every story has an easily explained moral lesson.

that being said, yes, this plot element is in service of deltarune's larger themes! which are about agency, control, fate, and identity.

deltarune's fate theming and its metafiction elements are a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation given how interlocked they are, but I've found it helpful to describe deltarune as a "person vs. fate narrative that uses a metafictional lens to characterize fate." rather than the three fates of greek mythology or whatever dictating its characters' lives, it is instead the structure of the rpg their world was made to be. they are player characters. they are npcs. they play specific roles in the narrative. no one can choose who they are in this world.

control is emphasized in this story. there's the control we have over kris, of course, and in a much subtler way the control we have over the world through them. there's the darkner-lightner hierarchy, which parallels our dynamic with kris. i would argue that there are even social forces in hometown which also serve to place the lightner characters into specific roles. under this level of control, it's hard for characters to push back and determine their own identities.

all these forces combine to mean that deltarune's characters are fighting back against the narrative itself! which says stuff about people's agency, and the way rpgs are written, and how we interact with all that...

ultimately, you can apply this to real life. even if there aren't things like "fictional people who are actually real," hierarchies of control do exist in real life. narratives that erase the agency and internality of certain types of people exist in real life. it's admittedly a rather general statement, but like with any narrative about fate, seeing characters resist rules that are seemingly written into the fabric of their existence can make you feel inspired to also define your own identity! and to be transgender. don't forget to be transgender

#deltarune #deltarune analysis #im not kidding deltarune really did make me transgender.

[manonamora-if]

UX anon here - thank you for your response! I didn't realize the lack of resources in the community tbh. Would it be helpful if there was a master post of basic mobile UX principles to follow? Or would it be more helpful to gather a bunch of pre-existing twine templates and iterate them to be more in line with said principles? Or both?

Hi again Anon! :D

Yeah... it's kind of a common feeling. You [general you] don't know how much knowledge/resource/time/etc you need to invest until you actually make the thing you are enjoying. I've done the same when watching movies/series, believing I could write better dialogue... lol the audacity of my brain honestly...

I did make a Twine resource list some weeks back, with all I knew/could find, but I don't think there are any resource focused on mobile only. Though I do think most templates have some sort of mobile formatting/scaling in mind (even if not perfect). So this is definitely a niche to fill!

When it comes to the nitty-gritty of things, I can't really tell you which path to take (I am just one creator in the sea of many). You could send a poll to other authors, see their input.

I would advise against, though, reiterate pre-existing twine templates without the explicit consent of the creator (it might go without saying, but just in case). They might even prefer editing their templates with those advice instead of seeing their "updated" templates available out there (that's def the case for me).

But I do think the idea of a Master Post of Basic Principles with clear instructions (and images of what is good/not good!) would definitely be helpful. It leaves you open to go in more details about other principles in the future (if you want to do so, obviously you shouldn't feel pressured).

Last bit of advice, maybe check out Twine and how the different formats have built their visuals. It probably help you understand the limitations creators face when editing their UI. Theoretically, you could do anything on Twine, especially with SugarCube/Chapbook/Snowman (Harlowe is... wonky). But there are some class that have different rules depending on them being built through CSS or JavaScript.

EDIT: IF YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR, TAG ME SO I CAN SHARE IT!!!

I'm also going on a bit more rambling, because I've realised I've had more feelings about the topic. PS: not directed at anyone in particular, just letting some steam out.

This is also my personal opinion, but I don't think (non-physical) IF was ever intended to be on mobile in the first place (ahem parsers/point-and-click...). When IF became a thing, there were no mobile (so that question was moot anyway). You just had a computer (maybe) that would run a program. I feels like it's been more of an evolution towards mobile use, as smaller/touch screens became the more prevalent device for entertainment (in general, not just IF). You have apps like CoG or HostedGames or those Story ones (they kind of look like VNs) that are very popular (and are incidentally fit for mobile...). And now we expect this of everyone that start with IF.***

While IF programs/format do allow for mobile support (to different degree), I do think we have to remind ourselves from time to time that IF creators still often create as a hobby, with often limited knowledge and resources. The fact that we sometimes/often uphold some IF to standard as high as actual game companies (who have headcounts and resources and knowledge to make things better) is just mind boggling to me (the number of asks/comments I get about my UI not looking professional because of a few mistakes...). Even trying to go through actual big company website is sometimes dreadful on mobile. Unileveeeeer *raise fist to the sky*...

Resources to make things more accessible (especially program/format specific) should be available to people, but we should leave some leeway to people who can't implement things or just don't want to. It might suck, but yeah... Think of it as computer exclusive projects (like you'd have with consoles :P ).

***Little side note, but we had a similar-ish discussion on the forum about Twine games during the IF Comp. It wasn't about mobile accessibility but the game being unstyled, and how many expected Twine entries to have some sort of styling and not just use the base UI, while the expectation was not as present (or not at all) for other programs. It is very interesting to go through.

#ask box #mobile #accessibility

[perpetual-fool]

-

This one is particularly ramble-y. I've noticed that my thinking is disorganized.

I had a moment of feeling pretty good. Was watching someone play this game, Lunacid. It's uh, an action RPG, not quite like anything I'm familiar with but the closest comparison I have would be Demon's Souls. Anyway, I think the deal was that what I saw all made sense? The world is sufficiently fantastical and nonsensical that it didn't create any expectations to be betrayed, and the path of progression was very straightforward. There's a lot of standard RPG mechanics: there are enemies which respawn, killing enemies gives you XP and sometimes loot, leveling up makes your character stronger. But in particular, weapons level up too. (Not really how it works, but it seemed like it based on the first few minutes of gameplay.) And I feel this is significant, weapon XP is also gained from destroying breakable objects. So for instance, you could load into an area, break a few boxes lying around, reload the area and repeat until you've maxed out your weapon XP. That is, things are allowed to work the way they appear to work; no big list of exceptions because the consequences didn't work out the way the developer intended. ('Intent' is something I'll get to.)

But yeah, I was feeling uncharacteristically good. And I was having a wave of reasonable thoughts about some issues I had been ruminating over. Like, a lot of the stuff I feel about about, I shouldn't, because it was a direct response to how I was being treated. (Which is tangentially related for reasons I don't know how to explain.)

So I bought the game. I feel okay, but it's not the high I was hoping for. Largely, the game does actually 'make sense' by not having enough structure to be 'wrong'. Like, their isn't enough (explicit) lore to be inconsistent. And it's somewhat rewarding to be playing for an experience that doesn't feel like you're supposed to win. Verisimilitude. Say, there was this.. magic combination maze* with this mysterious book at the end. And I'm not sure what the issue was, maybe my character didn't have high enough INT to read it? But I just couldn't read it. I didn't have whatever it was I needed to unveil this secret, so the game just wouldn't tell me. It kept its secrets. (*combo maze: there is a room with multiple paths, each path leads you back to the same room, if you take the correct sequence of paths then you will be led to the exit instead. For instance: Zelda 1 lost woods) Similarly, there are enemies immune to physical damage, and there's no guarantee that you'll have a weapon which deals non-physical damage. The game will happily let you get in over your head and drown. Though granted, they put up a sign to warn you and gave you a couple 'teleport to safety' crystals for free. But there are things you can't do and fights you can't win. Which brings me to the inciting issue.

I can't beat the final boss. Straightforward explanation is that I built my character poorly. The problem is that the bosses regenerate heath. I think that's a brilliant game design choice for unrelated reasons, but my character just doesn't have the DPS. I went all-in with Dexterity to use bows, but the bows aren't particularly good.

Now I'm confused. And it's not really the game that I'm confused about. Like, it's pretty clear the developer didn't ensure every build was equally viable, and I just need to make a new character. And it kind of seems like what I'm really confused about is my default assumption that the game is right and I am wrong. If I think something is bad, I must just not understand it. (Which is a nasty bit of corrupt logic probably taught to me as a child.) But I think really really what I'm confused about is 'intent-result conflation' gaslighting. Like, it's been relatively common that I'll ask someone why they did something, laying out how they specifically took actions that would ensure that the bad thing happened, and they give a non sequitur non-defense like "well it's not like I wanted the bad thing to happen". Implicitly, "that wasn't my intent, therefore it didn't happen". So, 'surely the developer didn't intend for bow builds to be completely useless on bosses, potentially luring players into wasting 50+ levels on Dex and wasting 12 real-world hours of time for the actual human player, so it must not be happening'. Except, it's not laid out like that. The misfiring in my head is because intent and result is considered the same thing. Not that that's a new concept to me. But at the moment it's like my brain won't accept it unless someone else also confirms it. And I've literally never heard anyone admit something like "I wanted X, but I was wrong about Y, so Z happened'. Or heard any sort of discussion about making sure intent and result are aligned.

I dunno if needing others' approval for my beliefs is something I can fix on my own or not.

And tangent, I did some sorting of my computer files. Once I worked out where everything should go it's very fast. There's no going item by item pondering where each thing go, I just look at the type of thing it is, it goes with the other things of that type. Any my thinking should be equally fast, equally straightforward. But this simple problem spins into a tangent of a tangent and I don't even know what problem I'm trying to solve. And while that's happening there's three different things that need doing and I have no idea how I'm going to transition to that. And why anything?

At the least, I presume fixing my mental health is the most important thing right now. whatever that means.

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Hey so I played DAI and fell in love with it and its characters easily my all time favorite game now and I've been thinking about playing some of the previous games. Is there one you would reccomend? Any particular hurdles with playing older games in the series (essential mods ect) or are they games that's fun to reminisce on but are hard to play in the modern era of gaming? I really appreciate any insight you have on this! Thanks!

Heya!

Okay so generally speaking? I would recommend both Origins and 2, especially if it's the companions and banter you like about Inquisition because they are easily my favourite parts of the other games as well. DA2 seems to get the most hate thrown at if from what I've seen, partly I think because it's production was pretty rushed and it shows (it does have its fair share of writing issues as well but that's another can of worms), but personally I still enjoyed it a lot.

I don't know how picky you are about graphics because obviously they are a little dated for both games, though I myself never had a problem with them (but I don't have a problem with older graphics in general, so,,,), and there's plenty of cosmetic mods out there to spice things up. As far as mod recs go I'm afraid I can't be much of a help because I haven't used any mods so far for either game ^^"

Other than that they do both have their pros and cons so it depends a lot on what you're looking for since their style does differ a lot. So for example..

Origins's combat system is much more fleshed out strategical than 2's, which is more straight forward and mostly hack-and-slash, but at the same time DAO's is also a lot slower and more tedious.

Since you asked about mods I'm assuming you're on PC, so key bindings shouldn't be an issue since you can remap them (the default should be very similar for both games though).

DA2's interface is objectively neater and more organised, but DAO's is more immersive imo.

Origins has quite a few extensive dungeons, while DA2's are very short but also repetitive, as it reuses maps a lot.

DAO's main plot is pretty much the high fantasy standard of "hero an co. go on a world-saving quest to defeat the big evil dragon", but its side quests, lore and general atmosphere are great imo, whereas DA2's story is much more condensed and focused on the political unrest in Kirkwall and the protagonists personal tragedy story. Origins is more gritty and grim but also more epic and heroic, while DA2 is less dark on the surface but also feels much more personal and down to earth in a way.

DAO lets you choose from one of six origin stories while in 2 you always play as Hawke.

DAO's protagonist is silent, Hawke is voiced and can adapt one of 3 base tones that change depending on dialogue choices.

DAO's approval system is more like DAI's, with approval and disapproval, while DA2 has a friendship/rivalry system.

Origins is also more gory than the other two games, as in there are a couple parts in the game that are genuinely really gross (at least I find them to be very gross), but not because it's excessively gory per se? Idk if that makes sense but a lot of the icky-ness comes from the context I'd say, but it's really well done, as in it fits the overall tone of the game perfectly. Just thought I'd mention it

Oh an most importantly, you get to have a dog in both games.

Edit: Forgot to mention DLC so I thought I'll do that real quick! For Origins has a few bonus campaigns, of whoch I'd highly recommend the Awakening expansion. It introduces some important characters and is comparable to Trespasser I'd say. Witch Hunt is intetesting too, Leliana's song is a prequel focusing on Leliana's backstory. The Darkspawn Chronicles are... interesting? But the weakest out of the expansions imo. Soldier's Peak has some lore about the Grey Wardens, Return to Ostagar gives some closure to what happened at the start of the game, and Stone Prisoner gives you an extra companion who's fun to have around imo.

DA2's Legacy DLC is really good, bring your sibling if you can becausr it reveals some things about Malcom Hawke. It's fairly relevant to the lore and plot of Inquisition (which you'll already know but it might still be interesting). Mark of the Assassin is... mediocre, if you ask me. It does have some hilarious banter though.

So yea.. dunno if this helps any, but tldr I would recommend both games for different reasons ^^

#I'm fairly new to DA myself so like #I'm probably not the best person to ask any of this haha #again don't know if any of this is helpful but maybe it's a bit of an overview at least? idk #those are my imressions of the games anyway xD

[angelinuhh]

adms from krps shouldn't feel like they need to put more race in their rps bc they are literally playing a whole ass rp with a race that died and still die in the hands of americans

(pt 2) ive come from a place where asian people are hated for absolutely nothing and they suffer from racism everyday, so claim that krp are not diverse is just bullsht, fuck whitey rps not asian rps! we should have a wakanda based rp or smth, but don’t go after krps like that. asian people are not white people for gods sake. and when it comes to sexuality it’s incredibly diverse in the country i play rps tbh no one is straight

(pt 3) you must be those whities who thinks that asians are white ugh just say you’re racist and go

Hi. So this anon was kind enough to give me three messages. I’m going to be responding to all three in this fun last one. 

But first, let me tell you a story about me. Because I hope no one ever fucking comes in with this stupid ass horseshit reasoning ever again.

(tw mentions of death, the vietnam war, racism)

I never met my uncle. He died in the Vietnam War when he was barely 18, a soldier for a war that I don’t know if he believed in. In every home that I’ve ever lived in, a picture of him sits on the altar—a reminder of all we left behind.

I never met my cousin. He was just a baby when he died. My aunt had just had him when she became a refugee from the country she loved. And though she lived to come to a new country and find a new home, he didn’t. There are no pictures to remember him by.

I am luckier than them.

The first time I really knew that I was asian, I was in kindergarten. There’s a clapping game we used to play. It involves saying something like “Chinese, japanese, dirty knees” whatever. The point is part of it is about using your fingers to make your eyes slanted. Someone told me that I didn’t have to do it, because my eyes were slanted enough. I didn’t understand. But, when the teacher came over and saw everyone with their faux-slanted eyes and me sitting there, she gasped and yelled at them. And, when everyone started crying, that’s when I knew it was wrong.

When I was in high school, a Vietnam War Vet came and talked to my history class. Someone asked him how he felt about the Vietnamese now. He said and I quote, “I still hate those Vietnamese sons of bitches. I wish I had gotten more of them.”

The teacher apologized to me after class. But that doesn’t matter. It had already been said.

So unfortunately, I am not, as you say, ”one of those whities who thinks that asians are white”. I have not had the privilege to be.

As you so helpfully put it, I am part of a race that died and still die in the hands of americans. I live in a place where asian people are hated for absolutely nothing and they suffer from racism everyday. When they graffitied my house and egged it, when they called me all those names, I never knew. For every microaggression and fetish-y conversation I ever had, when they told me “it didn’t really count that you did well because you’re Asian” or they told me I looked like an anime character or asked me “where are you from” or commented that I “speak English well” when I’ve lived in this country my entire life, I was completely oblivious.

Now that you’ve told me, this changes everything. /s

KRPs can still eat my fucking ass. Just make your fucking RP actually diverse, you racist POS cowards.

Honestly, your argument here is that Asians experience discrimination and, thus, writing them is diverse and good for the community. And I cannot criticize KRPs because I will thus be racist.

The only problem here is that I am well aware that Asians, as most POC do, experience discrimination and bigotry and, unfortunately for you, writing Asians doesn’t open you up to any of that. Just because your muses are Korean or your rp is set in Korea doesn’t suddenly make you part of the family, doesn’t make you understand what it means to be Asian, what people like me and many other have gone through to be proud of their skin. And so, when I or anyone else criticizes the existence of KRPs and KRPers— there is no criticism of Asian people or diminishing of their struggle. Only a criticism of people who feel comfortable enough to perpetuate harmful stereotypes, fetishize a race and continue to disrespect the thoughts and wishes of Asian people.  

All you do is wear the discrimination and pain of my people like a costume, and you defend yourself with it. This shitty defense you’re using?? It is the skin I wear. It is who I am. 

I will never meet my cousin. I will never meet my uncle. My family wrests with the burden of knowing that we are lucky but also knowing that colonization and western interference has taken so much from my culture and my country and my people. To me, that is what it means to be asian. 

This is not everyone’s experience. This is not even close to a general asian experience or even an asian-american one. I am so fortunate to have only experienced what I have experienced. I do not pretend to speak for the group and would never even dream of doing so. But you came into my inbox, so you get to hear my story. 

You can portray a muse of any background, but do it with respect. Don’t presume that you truly understand their struggle. Do not use it as an excuse to not address your own racism and your own problems. On my part, I will try to do the same.

So, in conclusion, make your RPs actually diverse. It’s fun. You’re going to love it.

one, sexuality and gender identity are not the same. i’m asking rps to be more inclusive of trans and nb muns. i don’t give a fuck about how “no one is straight”.

two, I never addressed how anti-poc and anti-black in particular your argument is, so let me do that now. yes, a wakanda rp would be dope. but wakanda is special bc it was made for black people by black people. the nuances are subtle and tbh i’m not going to go into it. but krps are not equivalent to wakanda. most of them are not made by asian people. there is a difference between a space that a poc group makes for themself and one that is run by outsiders. 

Asians are POC. We experience racism. But we also have substantial amount of privilege in most societies in comparison to other POC. Most countries in asia are extremely colorist and most rps reflect the same standards. 

LET ME NIP THIS IN THE BUD. No one is going to force you to play any type of muse or say that you’re racist for not playing anything. If you only feel comfortable playing kpop or Asians fcs, fine!! But when you’re consistently picking light-skinned Asian characters over other types of POC, particularly those that darker-skinned, it might be important to reflect on exactly why.

Asian people have been long regarded as “the model minority”. They are often regarded as “less intimidating” and “more acceptable” by outside culture. If you believe in any of these things, please understand you are only harming actual Asian people. We don’t exist to fit into your narratives.

PLEASE STOP DEFENDING YOUR ANTI-BLACKNESS BY USING US AS PROPS TO SHOW OFF HOW YOU LOVE DIVERSITY. 

Please don’t use the KRP label or tag as it reinforces the perpetual foreigner stereotype and is a breeding ground for fetishistic and racist portrayals.

My tag on the topic is HERE, it does showcase various other blogs and posts about KRP is harmful. If you would like further direction, I would be happy to point you in the right direction

And, lastly, NEVER fucking EVER come to me again telling me that  ‘don’t u know Asians experience racism and, thus, the people who write Asian characters also experience it!! And should be left alone. Bitch, I’m vaguely aware of what Asians go through. And, knowing that, KRPs can go fuck themselves.

#rpt #rpc #krp #the great krp debate #Anonymous

[momo-de-avis]

Hi! So, this may be a bit of a weird question and seem a bit childish but wth why not. So, i'm 22 and i've never had sex. I've had girlfriends and we've done stuff, but for one reason or another it just never got to that. I know that age and sex shouldn't be related things in this prespective but (1/2)

when your friends are all in long-term relationships, when our society revolves so much around sex, it's hard not to feel shitty when thinking about the subject, to not feel like there's something wrong with you and that nobody will ever want you like that, that somehow you're being left behind. Any advice? I hope this doesn't make me seem like a terrible person lol (2/2)

It doesn’t make you seem like a terrible person at all. Its perfectly normal to have those doubts and insecurities, MORE SO in our society that pressures you to have, like, experience in sex, whatever the hell that means.

I don’t know what I can say that will feel like ‘this will work’ but I’ll try my best. One thing that I remember happening a lot was, for example, in nights out when people started playing games of like Never Have I Ever which inevitably end with sex questions. Me? I was the dumb fuck who went ‘NEVER HAVE I EVER BRUSHED MY TEETH’, ‘NEVER HAVE I EVER TOUCHED A HORSE’ and people were like ‘what the fuck ana what’s the point’ and I would just ‘drink up, I just wanna see you plastered’. Instead of being the person that kind of tried to remind people that I never had sex contrary to them, I was going sort of the other way around. Reminding them that maybe everyone around them wasn’t solely focused on sex as a priority, nor did their personalities or identities relied on it, so like, maybe ease a little on the games.

Also, if you can, surround yourself with more positive people. That is, IF you feel the people around you might be reinforcing these negative thoughts, maybe because they say stupid shit like ‘you’re a prude’ (something people love saying for no reason). I remember at one point the ‘games that are played solely for people to spit out their sexual experiences’ suddenly transformed into ‘people sharing their experiences in a constructive way’ to a point where we’d be having conversations about sex with gay men, lesbians, women who had sex with like 3 different guys a week, people who were virgins, people who were in a relationship for very long, etc. And it was very constructive and there was never any judgement. Surrounding yourself with caring people who are open minded and enjoy listening as much as they enjoy speaking is a very positive experience, and I assure you it will make you feel included. And I think, in my case, at a certain point it also taught me to stand up further down the road whenever some douchebag tried to play smart.

Society is a dick in this respect. I genuinely don’t know where this idea that it’s not normal for people to be a virgin in their mid 20s came from because from my experience it’s so, so normal. But there is a pressure, yeah. In some respects, I think it’s even bigger on men than on women, but for entirely different reasons and I suppose it depends on the environment. College I believe can be very toxic on this mindset, because it can be an absolute sausage fest and sometimes it needs a lot of boundaries to like, chill a little.

And I know comparing ourselves to others is very difficult NOT to do. It’s honestly something that takes time and we have to find ways of overcoming and learn new tools to stop ourselves from doing it. You have to shift the focus to yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with you. No matter what you think the issue is. ‘Oh you’re picky’ someone might say---that’s not... bad. That’s another way of saying ‘you have very well established goals and a very secure sense of basically what you want in a partner and that partner hasn’t showed up yet’. I hate using the word picky because of that. You’re not behind anything, I promise you. People take their time for everything, but it’s a complicated process to accept that when society puts a damn time table on nearly everything. But you’re not behind, you’re living your life and you’re doing it at your own rhythm.

Also, when people are in long term relationships while our last up to a year, we have to acknowledge those are two very different cases to compare. I say this as a person who made that mistake. I remember once playing never have i ever and everyone was like ‘i had sex in a public bathroom!!!’ and shit like that and I was the only one who hadn’t done any of those things. I kept joking saying ‘exCUSe me if I enjoy the comfort of a bed!!!!’ then one of the guys turned to me and said ‘but all these weird experiences I’m sharing, they were the result of a 5 year long relationship, it’s not something you just... do, most of the times. I did because at that point, we had enough trust to try it out’. At that point, my longest relationship was 6 months and it really, really put me in perspective. Now that I’ve been in a 3 year long relationship, I finally understand what he meant. It’s not even a matter of time takes you there, it’s a matter of having enough trust with the person, and when that person is around, it might take 3 months, 1 month, 1 day, 1 year to go right to the fucking!!!! Doesn’t matter at all. People are different and communication is key. it’s interesting because one thing that happened to me in my current relationship as well as my last was that we were both on different rhythms. And there was a time when we though, yeah babey get nakey, but then nothing happened not because we were rushing, but because we weren’t synchronized. And it turned out, a few more weeks were needed. And because these were both guys, they were feeling that pressure of ‘I’m a man, this should be easy for me’ but sometimes it isn’t. You have to let your mind settle, and your partner’s duty is to support you and say ‘it’s alright, I’m here when you’re ready, let’s chug down some pudding in the meantime’ or something...

And if people try to find reasons for virginity in this day and age just.. Bruh, it just didn’t happen. Like, I feel like now I’m saying something not to you but a wider audience lmao but: sometimes it just doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t. There’s no mysterious reason, no psychological explanation, no astrological projection like, no Jupiter was not on the right house or whatever, it just didn’t happen. It just didn’t get there. 

It’s a process. I mean, me saying over and over ‘there’s nothing wrong with you!!!!!’ might come out as shallow, or just not mean anything to you. Because it comes from within. It’s how you feel. So I insist on this: it’s a process, no matter how many times I say it. Shift the focus to yourself. Take the chance to look at what you haven’t experienced yet to understand what you would like to experience. Try to absorb the positive side of this sex-driven society. Listen to others and learn the lesson from that. To quote a very good friend of mine, ‘I learned with other people’s mistakes’ lmao but what I mean is a mantra I have in my life that’s helped me a lot in certain identity crisis: eliminate what I don’t want. And hey, I’m saying this and maybe you’re over there reading and thinking ‘done that already’, and if that’s the case, good!!!!! But be kind to yourself as well! Radiate the energy you want to feel around you! Tell yourself every day: there is nothing wrong with me. There are so, so many people out there like me, and none of us are weird or out of the norm, we’re just who we are.

If you want it to hapen, it will happen. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself the way you deserve and demand that from others. Sharpen your senses when you’re out there looking for the one, the ones or maybe even nobody in particular. Be safe and nurture what little confidence you find inside yourself. Transform your insecurity. If you want to get your mind off the subject, find activities you enjoy, like a hobby or whatever pleases you, or learn something new--just something that can keep you busy in the long term (again, I say this as someone with a tendency to like.. obsess over minor stuff)

So like this is very vague, I know. And I hope it does help in one way or another. You’re a wonderful person anon, this society is tailored to shitty ideals and a lot of people fall prey to it. We really, REALLY need to normalize the idea of not being in a relationship in your twenties, not having had sex, not being engaging in sex... We really need to normalize all of that because it is normal, it’s so normal that I kind of felt at one point that I was being lied to, you know. Because I’ve met way more people that don’t fit the standards than the opposite. So like, whatever this society is dictating, that’s what’s not normal. 

I think you’re already halfway there anyway, because it seems to me you acknowledge these issues with a clear conscience. It’s only a matter of acceptance, and that’s the hard work. that’s why I insist: be kind to yourself!! And remember I am rooting for your success and for you to get what you want, anon. Live your life the way you want to, practice good and tell yourself.I’m a cool ass human being. And oh god I hope this helped in some way!! ❤❤

#Anonymous