#i hate his repressed gay ass it’s so easy to make fun of him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tigerdrop · 3 years

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Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

#asky #careposting

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sixofreaders · 4 years

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yuu and shinoa friendship headcanons

this is set in an alternate universe where the war is over, humans and vampires have established their respective territories, and everyone is slowly rebuilding society. also everyone has a phone and social media exists. ferid is dead.

their apartments are right next to each other

their excuse is because they share the same braincell and people who share the same braincell should live near each other, so they can translate each other’s stupidity to the rest of the world

but really they just don’t want to be apart for long

they barge into each other’s rooms at the most ungodly hours, but always make sure to scream ‘IS ANYONE NAKED’ before entering

this is because one time shinoa walked in and mika was on top of yuu

and one time yuu walked in while shinoa was straddling mitsuba

their snapchat and instagram stories are just full of them trying to embarrass each other

shinoa, recording mikayuu holding hands: ‘oh my god, these bitches gay. good for them! good for them.’

a picture of yuu in his car, ‘i was driving shinoa to mitsuba’s place and she was cutting her nails the whole time i literally hate her’

a picture of a backpack, ‘yuu asked me to help him pack for a sleepover at mika’s and i saw this whore sneak in a bottle of lube’

but there’s also tons of pictures of them together

there’s a video of them trying to climb over their school walls

the next slide is a blurry picture of an adult man chasing after them with the words ‘YUU AND I GOT CAUGHT SKIPPING SCHOOL IM HDSKDFSDKH’

every day there’s a new selfie of them

selfies of them drinking milkshakes

selfies of them stuffing themselves with cheeseburgers

selfies of them visiting caffes and street vendors

selfies of them throwing fries into each other’s mouths

when the first zoo was built after the apocalypse, yuu and shinoa went there with their friends and decided to document the whole thing

shinoa, points to a giraffe, ‘that’s kimizuki-san’

points to a koala, ‘that’s yoichi-san’

points to a white leopard, ‘that’s mika’

points to a peacock, ‘that’s my beautiful girlfriend mii-chan’

points to a monkey, ‘and that’s yuu-san’

they organised the first post-apocalyptic pride event

yuu noticed a lot of people were having a hard time adjusting to a life without war, his friends included, so he decided a day where everyone could let loose and love whoever they want to love would be a good idea

shinoa agreed, and the two of them wanted to surprise their friends

they gave mitsuba a heart-shaped lesbian flag pin

they gave yoichi a t-shirt with the pansexual flag

they gave kimizuki a rainbow cap, since he doesn’t really label himself but he knows he likes guys

for mika, it was kind of hard since he’s never been interested in anyone besides yuu, so even he doesn’t know which way he swings

shinoa’s solution? a banner of an extremely terrible drawing of yuu’s face with rainbows and hearts scattered around

‘this is my masterpiece’

‘you butchered my fucking face that’s what you did’

‘THIS IS MY MASTERPIECE’

and as for yuunoa, they wore matching bisexual flags

they had a lot of fun there, took tons of pictures, kissed their respective s/o’s

maybe happiness is a gift they can get used to enjoying

shinoa has a tiktok and she actually likes doing the dances, she thinks they’re a fun and easy distraction from work

unfortunately yuu is almost always hijacking in the background

either he’s making weird faces or doing his own weird parody of the dance (that consists of an excessive amount of twerking and one middle finger)

yuu: ‘if you wanna see some real ass baby here’s your chance 🤪’

shinoa: ‘i literally hate you so much’

sayuri signs all of the teenagers up for veteran’s therapy

it was hard in the beginning, they have a lot of issues that they never sat down to talk about due to the looming threat of war

but now that the war is over, they actually have to confront all of their repressed trauma

‘hey have you ever thought that maybe the reason we never care about what we want is because we never had an adult figure that genuinely cared about us instead of just wanting to use us for their own personal agenda?’

‘oh definitely. wanna hit the gym and punch our feelings out?’

‘yeah let’s go’

they’re really trying to resolve their own issues and get better, but they still find the idea of opening up and not having their vulnerability used against them is an impossible thing

one day the two of them finally decided to have a long overdue talk about their feelings

they talk about the war, about the people they’ve lost, about the nightmares they still get in the middle of the night

they talk about how shinoa still dreams of crowley pinning her down and suffocating her, how yuu still dreams of dark wings piercing through his back, how shinoa can still see herself on the other end of a raised blade, how yuu can still feel horns sprouting on his head and the insatiable bloodlust that rises within him whenever that happens

they’re crying by the end of it

but they hug each other

and they sit on the balcony

looking at the city that’s slowly rebuilding

looking at the world they helped save

and they realize for the first time in their life, everything is truly, genuinely going to be okay

and if it isn’t, then they’ll always have their best friend here to support them

but no matter what happens, they finally have a chance to build a life together with the people they want

right here, right now,

after the war.

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #hyakuya yuuichirou #hiiragi shinoa #yuu #shinoa #mikayuu #mitsunoa #hyakuya mikaela #mitsuba sanguu #yoichi saotome #shiho kimizuki #headcanon #yuu and shinoa #friendship #crowley eusford #ferid bathory #sayuri hanayori

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thefcther-blog1 · 5 years

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Lets Play A Game of This Or That? (NSFW Edition): ALL OF THEM

AND BECAUSE SOMEONE IS EVIL, HERE’S THE REST FROM THAT CURSED MEME:

Handcuffs or Shibari?: I mean, come on. After his experiences with the Deputy, you can be sure that kink was formed.

Pillow Princess or Power Bottom?: Again, that intense stare is all he needs to be a power bottom.

Voyeur or Exhibitionist?: Joseph has gotten used to being watched and has formed some semblance of enjoyment from it. This can be easily translated into his sexual proclivities, too.

Blindfolds or Spreader Bars?: Sensation play requires an element of trust. Trust, in itself, is a kink for him. Placing himself wholly in another’s hands. Though, it should be noted, that he loves blindfolding his partner, too.

Butt Plugs or Vibrators?: Neither of these FOR him, but he certainly doesn’t mind playing with vibrators with his partner to offer them satisfaction.

Edging or Multiple Rounds?: Edging is a lot of fun if he’s the one controlling it, but Joseph, a sexually-repressed human being, wants as much with his partner as they can give.

Knots or Ovipositor?: I cannot choose neither, unfortunately, although these don’t really pertain to Joseph. But, in some other universe, if he was being used by some alien or something . . . an ovipositor is a tad more agreeable than a knot.

Spanking or Scratching?: While Joseph is a spanker, he, personally, prefers to be scratched. Add to those scars!

Ball Gag or Muzzle?: Something needs to shut him, am I right?

Strap on or Double Sided Dildo?: Again, this doesn’t pertain to Joseph, but there are those strap ons for men that offer them a differently textured cock, so uh. That? I guess?

Lengthy Cocks or Girthy Cocks?: If Joseph had to CHOOSE his own, it’d be girthy. Lengthy can become annoying when society forces you to wear underwear. If, in another world, where Joseph was gay (which my Joseph is not, but all the more power to those who write him more expansive than myself), he’d prefer lengthy cocks though. Stretching hurts, my dudes.

Small Boobs or Large Boobs?: Honestly, perhaps even oddly, he doesn’t really have a preference? Large can sometimes appear fake, however, so he has a slight inclination towards smaller breasts. But he loves both. Breasts are good.

Ass or Chests?: Because his mother was emotionally distant in his life, you can be sure he has some Oedipus-type inclinations.

Thighs or Arms?: Good thighs to spread.

Hot Wax or Knifeplay?: Why do you think there’s so many candles in the church?

Loud or Quiet?: Loudly quiet? That’s a bit more accurate. Lots of loud whispering though. He’s a talker. For better or worse.

Biting or Sucking?: Though he does enjoy sucking certain things . . .

Collars or Piercings?: Collars mean ownership. There’s something rather enjoyable in that.

Costumes or Lingerie?: Costumes would put him off a bit.

Monogamy or Polyamory?: This is another subject that I had to think about a great deal. I think Joseph is, ultimately, monogamous. However, he has it in him to be polyamorous with the right partners. The Bible certainly doesn’t frown upon it and neither does he.

Laughing and silliness during sex or Intensity and power struggle during sex?: He’s a soft boi and there’s enough power struggle in his life already. Though the sex should ALWAYS be intense in some form or another.

Fucking a Virgin or Fucking someone with experience?: While he doesn’t ACTUALLY have much of an opinion on the amount of experience that his partner has, he does enjoy sex with a virgin simply because he wants to make sure that their first time is easy and special. Too many brutes out there wouldn’t treat them appropriately.

Face to face or from behind?: Eye contact is important.

Phone sex or Sexting?: Joseph appreciates mental stimulation. One can provide that through sexting. Either way, however, if he’s going to be teased via phone, his partner had best make good on their teasing the next time he sees them in person. Cumming inside or Cumming outside?: Intimacy, yo.

Being filled or Bukkake?: This doesn’t apply TO him, but he certainly prefers to fill his partner.

Dirty Talk or Degradation?: Joseph HATES degradation. Instant boner-killer.

Role play or Porn on in the background?: He’s a bit too awkward for role play, though he might be coaxed into giving it a go. Porn in the background is distracting, too--plus, porn--but it’s the lesser of two awkward situations.

Public Edging or Filming in the Bedroom?: It requires some form of power over the other that Joseph particularly enjoys.

Condom or Bareback?: The bunker doesn’t have room for condoms.

Lube or Raw?: Raw is only acceptable if his partner is extremely wet and has applied it thoroughly to him as well.

Video Call Masturbation or Sexy Selfies?: Joseph may not participate in the masturbation, but he certainly isn’t opposed to having his partner perform for him.

Blood Play or Breath Play?: The blood is holy!

Face fucking or Anal sex?: Mostly because face-fucking seems a tad more violent than what Joseph is comfortable performing as.

Leather or PVC?: Leather is GOOD.

#that was exhausting #i am deceased now #and so is joseph #rip to us #nta #blissfulxpride

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