#i have a lot of feelings abt it 👍

[silverislander]

ok i just finally finished lagoon. ohhh my god i am so excited to discuss this in class

#i have been thinking abt it So Much. #who gets to be the protagonist and why!! why is it always americans why is it white people why is it PEOPLE at all. why not fish #maybe a bat or a spider or a ROAD has the most fascinating inner life on earth and we would never fucking know #the way we humans (and esp white people) have a habit of crushing things without understanding how special they ever were #this isnt even just on a plot/character level its in the LANGUAGE of the book. pidgin english as a tool to show class/connections!! #and bc this class is postcolonial lit i just KNOW were gettin into all of that #its SO good dude. its such a good book #i also just thought all the nigerian mythology was super fucking cool even if i dont know much abt it #i knew vaguely abt mami wata and ijele i think. and anansi but anansi isnt really in the book #levi.txt #also just as a smaller thing: i didnt know much abt nigeria in general and its always cool to see new places represented in books #ive never even been close to lagos!! but i can tell the author loves it sm and sees the beauty in it #just. as a huge arachnophobe this book is literally narrated by a massive spider and im endorsing it. thats smth in itself hgfjdkhgfd #i have a lot of feelings abt it 👍 #anyway. enjoy the infodump i will not apologize #next book for the same class is midnights children by salman rushdie which also sounds super interesting!! #one of the girls in my writing class last year was indian and her stories talking abt it were always great? so thats a good sign #i dont know loads abt india either but im so excited to see it in this book and learn more

[dandyshucks]

i like thinking about the weird little quirks i have (gestures and phrases and whatnot) and how Guz would find them delightful and silly and endearing

#giving thumbs-ups to things i think are good or enjoy #WHY DONT PPL GIVE THUMBS UP MORE #i didn't realize it wasnt a normal gesture to do when ppl say things until i finally noticed ppl laugh every time i do it #thats the main one I've been thinking abt today fjfkdl #i gave my new mint plant a thumbs up just an hour ago bc i watered it and it perked up within an hour #and i was so pleased and relieved that i was like... 🙂👍 at it NDJFKDL #idk what phrases i have rn fjdksl yippee and wahoo are big ones that i say automatically a lot lately #but im sure theres more fjfkdl i am a video game NPC i stg #it just... is easier on the brain when i can run automatic scripts for things fhfjdl #it doesnt make the words any less genuine! it is just a script i follow to express certain feelings! #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble

[warmspice]

My sister is trying to set me up w her TA.. grad students tell me more about how I can charm u to fall in love w me...

#This is a jokey joke but also very intrigued if ppl have thoughts thanks <333 #Everyone's got ppl falling in love w them maybe I just have tot ake matters into my own hands... Idk #I'm feeling. Lots of feelings and some of them are unpleasant to think abt rn but also maybe I should go to sleep n not think abt it 👍 #Void talks #I think they're in social sciences btw but honestly I just like hearing what makes other ppl's hearts flutter in general... #Love time of the year around the corner.. #Also it's so funny she goes.. 'my ta is GAY' and then winks really badly. And then repeats herself. And then winks again in case #I didn't catch it the first time #I'm like.. Thank u..

[girlwithfish]

thinking abt how my whole family invalidated me abt bpd and how i let it get to me is like so eye opening cuz i rly shldnt have even disclosed my personal problems to them or taken their opinions to heart or anything bc ultimately its my experiences and life and they barely know me that deeply like my actual struggles and mental health and idk why i let it get to me for so long

#And my therapist saying like yeah the diagnosis we have on file for ur treatment is bpd is like ohh so im not just fucked upand crazy 👍 #its nawt just depression or some vague mood disorder 👍 #Lol #Idk #and my prozac is really like yeah 10mg is not gonna do shit for me my therapist was saying like 10mg is for ppl w low depression ifs not gna #suit u or help.. so true i just have put it off for so long bc i have like subconscious doubt in meds but #im rly hoping i can feel better on the right medication idk >_> and im still rly sad that #i wont be seeing my therapist in the future since im switching to a dbt program it makes me sad cuz #shes the first therapist ive truly liked and felt hope with and comfortable w like shes helped me a lot so im sad 😭and #nervous abt starting over. also nervous abt group dbt. idk #:/ #ig its just necessary. i go back n forth like yk maybe im ok i dont need that im relatively.mentally stable but i really am not #which is hard ig. Idk #im gonna mjss my therapist im rly sad i cant see her anymore eventually. i still will for a few weeks until i #find a program n stuff :(

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[piplupod]

i feel a feeling that is genuinely intolerable and go "okay what do i do with this"

therapist brain says "feel ur feelings, its unhealthy to suppress all the time." rational brain says, "hi if we sit with this emotion then we are going to either be bleeding or dead in approximately ten minutes. so whats another option." therapist brain goes "wellll i guess in that case maybe u can distract urself idk, that can be a coping strategy sometimes." rational brain glances at emotion, shakes its head and shoots back "yeahhhh no can do there bud. this one's a real whopper and distractions ain't gonna cut it this time."

both sections of the brain shrug at each other and then The Disorder brain raises its hand smugly and simpers out "hiiii remember me? yeah this is the reason i exist teehee :) give me five minutes and I'll have an amnesia wall erected and another part of the brain shoved into the forefront and then we'll be right as rain! and this emotion can go rot in the locked cabinet of horrors until another part accidentally stumbles upon it again in the future or until the lock breaks. :)"

#girl help I've just been drawing and then BOOM. unbearable feelings drowning me !!!! drownding !!! i am drowndinging !!! #i dont wanna do this anymoreeeee im so tired of this #i go ''wow this sure is intolerable! how have i ever dealt w this!'' and then the DID does its thing some more👍 #''gee that sounds so helpful!'' my body is in shambles from the overwhelming amounts of undealt with trauma :] #there are many other downsides but . i ain't getting into all that dhfjdldl #im just . grrrrr. maybe its bc i was drawing another part of the brain but c'mon 😭 i was drawing them HAPPY !! playing!! having fun!! #trying to make smth nice for us !!!! god damn this is so ridiculous #i want to go to bed fjfkdl im so tired and frustrated w everything man im trying so hard and it all seems to go towards nothing #im just not doing well idk also this counselor i have has been so flaky and its making me feel so ... eeurgghh #i understand they dont think im a suicide risk so im low on the priority list but I'd like to just... be a priority for somebody just once #boohoo poor me etc etc. other ppl need the help more than i do i know. im just. tired. #there isnt rly a lot anybody can do anyways to help i guess #still makes me insane thinking abt how the social worker had nothing for me except ''well ... u could go to the homeless shelter'' #im just... theres so many fucked up things abt that. sigh. oh well oh well oh well. #just keep making my shitty art and trudging thru the days and finding good things in a day when i can scrape em together !!!! #argh. sigh. I'll go figure out some food to eat tonight. #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide mention #self harm mention

[fluttershiesworld]

i don’t disagree with “GPS software has made the general population worse at navigation” but also… as a disabled person with brain fog, without GPS, i couldn’t get to places independently. i’m not saying don’t criticize technology but acknowledge that a) there ARE advantages to GPS technology, and b) some people like. need it.

#sunspeak #feel like this is missing in convos abt like a lot of tech and like. i won’t magically have less brain fog bc you take away accessibility- #-resources i will literally just not be able to leave my house. 👍 #also this has been a criticism of new developments going back to the written word but that’s not the conversation i’m having right now

[themyscirah]

OMG sorry i fell asleep last night so i didnt see ur top 5 ask.

BUT! top five NON-lantern dc characters!

No dw I literally rbed it like 2hrs ago you're good

This one was actually really hard for me. I didn't realize how many characters I love would technically be counted under "Lanterns" haha

1. Amanda Waller

2. Cass Cain

3. Ben Turner

4. Sandra Wu-san

5. Kenan Kong

I generally bounce around the DCU looking for acclaimed books more than I do following specific characters but these are some of my faves that I love to think about and that keep popping up in my mind. And Kenan. : )

#love the big divide between 1 thru 4 and kenan here. very 'im insane abt them' vs. 'i just think hes neat' #the top 4 probably get shuffled around a bit depending on how im doing #lots of waller thoughts recently #shes SUCH a tragic (and i mean that in the literary sense) character to me #i can spot ppl who dont know her's waller opinions as bad from a mile off #its just so clear they dont get her just aaaaggghhhhhh!!!!!!! obsessed with this woman #and cass omg love cass. this is self explanatory #and BEN AGGHHH!!! i have so many ben feelings its kind of unreal. for ben himself ofc but then when you get into the whole shiva cass david #cain debacle and ben's role in it.... bro..... bro........ #like ik there are differences in canons but like no matter how you look at it ben knew carolyn and he knew sandra. they were friends. in #some canons i think they may have grown up together (correct me if im wrong) and then ben gets brainwashed by the league #and during this time he briefly works for david cain to train cass. BRO. #its so wild and just !!!!!!! and i have so many feelings about ben #i read a fic where he got brought back on as leader of the squad post all of this and his retirement and everything only to be put on a team #with DAVID CAIN and just bro. oh my god. #just so many ben feelings #yeah 👍 #1 through 3 were super easy 4 was logical too although i havent read anywhere near enough of her comics #and then 5 was evil. not enough/too many ideas for 5 #went with kenan bc proportionally ive read more of his comics and know him better but there were a myriad of contenders #answered

[funtomcafe]

oh twt is just straight up down rn. awesome

#hi i havent been posting on here much but i got p5r 4 my birthday like 2 weeks ago n have been obsessively livetweeting it since #as of the beginning of the third palace i am deeply obsessed w yusuke 👍 extremely predictable choice of me ik #but he is just so intriguing 2 me. the failgirl autism the insane amounts of gaycoding the barely repressed murderous intent #his whole dilemma abt madarame. all wrapped up in a blue hair n pronouns package i think he was made in a lab 2 torment me specifically #i also feel like im rly gonna like makoto a lot but idk much abt her yet past her awakening #bun.txt

[vanivanvanilla]

among us lifesteal au (explodes)

idk if i’ll do anything with this but i really like the idea of it 👍 here’s what i have atm

spoke: imposter (idk if he’d have a specific role yet)

mapicc: imposter & linked with ro

ro: crewmate & linked with mapicc

leo: the executioner

ash: the glitch

cube: the engineer

zam: the detective

clown: the jackal (no sidekick)

jaron: the jester

bacon: the swapper

planet: the shifter (maybe)

rek: crewmate with flash modifier

mid: altruist

clutch: crewmate with button barry modifier

red: crewmate (not sure if he’d have any modifiers)

#van speaks #i really like the thought process for a lot of these #like mapicc & ro have the lovers role (although im hesitant to call it that since i don’t want ppl taking it the wrong way) #but if you’re unfamiliar w modded among us basically they’re linked & if one dies they both die at the same time #so nothing romantic 👍 #leo’s the executioner and his target would be red (s3 ref woghh) #<- also why i made mid altruist; leo gets killed by one of the imposters and mid finds his body & revives him only for leo to go after red #which isn’t exactly what happened in s3 but the imposters r the bad guys yknow #detective zam bc ofc yayyy #clown’s the jackal which is a neutral role but works by themselves #and can kill anyone #u can’t tell me that jaron wouldn’t love being the jester #he’s such a little shit /aff please get this guy in a modded among us lobby and get him to be jester #i think bacon would fit swapper well since he’d want to switch people’s votes around either bc he thinks they’re wrong or j to be silly #rek w the flash modifier helps him escape situations faster #i feel like clutch would try to abuse the shit out of button barry to the point everyone gets pissed and votes him off #red would have to be a crewmate since he’s leo’s target but idk if he’d have a modifier #if anyone has any suggestions 4 this i’d love 2 hear them <3 #or if there’s any questions abt the roles i feel like i know them decently well <- has watched too much among us

[teeth-kid]

my experience being away from home on my own for the first week has been weird like i'll just feel perfectly fine functioning normally and then i start crying

#i think im Having a lot of emotions but not Feeling any of them?? cause even while im crying ill be like. whats going on #this is something ive feared for a long time so its possible im supressing things but ive never really done that before i think #but yeah as far as i know im doing great out here so great that im gonna cry abt it now 👍 #teeths

[kafkaguy]

i think my brain is constantly trying to suppress memories of my voltron phase but I keep getting reminded. because im on tumblr.

#like i genuinely do not think abt it. a lot of my old hyperfixations i still think about and seek content and information of them often #but voltron.... despite me being super into for months......... its just gone from my head #and then i see something. and i have violent flashbacks and feel a bit crazy for about 5 minutes #and then its gone. #😑👍

[pepprs]

saying no to things is so hard. literally writing two impossible saying-no-to-things text messages rn and it’s like being flayed alive

#first one is telling someone i can’t redacted like i said i could because my mental health is fucked over tomorrow. second thing is telling #a potential carpool that i am looking into other options and will get back to them later this week which is a way of saying no and im saying #no bc i do not like this guy’s vibe AT ALL and have been having the gut feeling to say no since the first time he wrote back lmao… this is #so complicated and stupid too bc he’s literally in the same division as me / us so it’ll be awkward if this goes bad which it could. help #purrs #he came on weirdly strong and emailed me like 3x in a row and made kinda a creepy offer and i was like 😬 and now he wants me to pay him $100 #a MONTH to carpool like 2 days a week. which maybe is fair bc idk anything about how expensive gas is or mileage or anything but that is… a #lot of money imo and he also was kinda like creepy abt this other thing. so it’s just a lot. urgh #but if i look for other options he will most certainly be aware of that given where he works so. lol this is not going well 😃👍

[girlwithfish]

remembering when i applied to uw seattle on a whim cuz i hated where i lived romanticized the west coast plus my 2 close onljne friends live on the west coast and i wanted to get so far from north carolina when i was 17 and i didnt think id even get in nd then i did and then i had a huge fight w my mom abt it. my lady bird 2017 moment

#anyway my life would have been so different if i had went to seattle ljke lol id be a pnw bitch..! #I wld love to visit someday bc i think seattle is neat but #i probably wouldnt have even been able to handle that big of a move considering how badly i adjusted to going to school 3 hrs away and being #depressed and lonely and anxious and dysfunctional my first year of college lmao..i was shooting too high #Hah #that fight was actually traumatic a little 4 me and also makes me realize how i neber saw conflict ever get #resolved growing up 👍like ever #jt was always like a huge explosion of anger where im made to feel like shit and get criticized and my self worth and character r attacked #it Feels and then i go cry in my room and then we act like it neber hapepned and its neber spoken abt again and i just #live in fear of wondering when the next thing will turn into smth that will set her off #🤓🤓🤓🤓no wonder i am so avoidant of conflict im #anyway that post made me think a lot abt how my life wld b so different if i had went to Washington lol

[bugsinthebayou]

oh woagh

#i guess im? not as ok as i originally thought? #i Feep fine. but a second ago i just teared up and nearly started crying when thinking abt the math hw i have to do #despite not feeling a lot when i thought abt it #what the fuck are emotions dude #b4 anyone worries im fine. i dont really feel anything so its all good 👍 #my brains just a bit off today lol #captains orders

[sweethome-silly-thoughts]

✿•*`•.¸✯≫ Random Scenario (ig ??) || Cha Hyun-Su/Yoon Ji-Su

\NO MONSTERS AU/

-❀•≫ Okay so I was listening to Downtown by Anya Taylor-Joy (listen to it. It's good) and since I love daydreaming about Sweet Home with my fav songs it just. Kinda made me think abt Ji-Su and Hyun-Su a bit 💔

-❀•≫ As I said, Ji-Su tends to call him when she's drunk at 3am and he tends to get her to keep her safe and not let her alone in the streets that late

-❀•≫ He doesn't go out a lot, and it felt a bit anxiety inducing at first, but slowly he got used to it and going out late was a bit of a "comforting" thing, less noise, less agressive lights, and he can go out with short sleeves without ppl looking at his arm weird

-❀•≫ It also feels good because he helps Ji-Su, his presence is enjoyed, he's being useful, and he feels better having someone who care him (I feel like Ji-Su is the talkative drunk type and she probably all the shit that goes through her head when he's drunk, including nice words for her friends)

-❀•≫ Ji-Su is also happy to have him around, they tend to cope a lot together (after it took way too long to befriend him) so his presence is always appreciated and she minds less about appearing on her weaker side

-❀•≫ The magic is kinda cut out when she starts speaking about needing to barf and he just watches her do her thing a bit worried but also wondering how the hell he ended up here 💀 anyway they have a funny dynamic I believe I love them so much !!! The made up adoptive sibs I love the most

(Lyrics that inspired me btw I think they're cute :

The lights are much brighter there

You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares

So go downtown, where all the lights are bright

Downtown, waiting for you tonight

Downtown, you're gonna be alright now

Now

Downtown

Downtown

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you

Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to

Guide them along)

God damn this could be a fanfic plot but 1. I doubt it's good enough, just little thoughts going through my brain and 2. I'm too lazy to write it even if I could lmfao

#KINDA ASHAMED AND I DON'T WANNA TAG IT BECAUSE IT'S A BIT. PERSONAL MORE THAN MY REGULAR HCS BUT I NEED TO ORDER THINGS HERE #anyway hum. I love them a lot #still self conscious about it but I want to enjoy my little Sweet Home bubble without feeling GUILT. #sweet home #cha hyun su #yoon ji su #no monsters au #Lan's scenarios #idc if ppl disagree atp they have their hcs I have mines 👍 ya #btw NO I don't forget about Eun-Yoo and Hyun-Su dynamic Ji-Su doesn't replace Eun-Yoo in his healing process #Ji-Su was here for him and showed care for him the first Eun-Yoo helped him understand nothing was his fault #I believe the show was top focused on Eun-Yoo only when it came to Hyun-Su's healing and I wanna share the cake with more characters #especially Ji-Su because OOOH MY GOD THE WASTED FRIENDSHIP. #idk if i'll ever talk about it outside of the tags but yeah we'll see ?? idk if it's important enough #and I mean multiple ppl can help you heal anyway why tf am I talking abt this in the first place 💀 girl stop speaking in the tags 24/7