#i have clinical enough anxiety to not need people to expect self-deprecation from me when i do anything...

[uncanny-tranny]

Maybe it's just me, but part of why I never really felt completely secure in being public about my own artistic endeavors was how... being proud of yourself in any capacity for any reason is almost a faux pas, if that makes sense.

I've noticed how it's almost expected to perform the air of humility, but is that humility? Is it humility to say, "Oh, I'm sorry for clogging your feed with my awful art" or anything to the effect of self-deprecation?

I think that's why I so often gravitate toward those who make "bad art." There's a sense of freedom that is only achieved with the level of hubris that being unashamed in the number of people who hate your art. I wonder, though, how many people don't hate the art as much as they hate that they can't chastise the artist into humility, into recognizing how "terrible" an artist they "actually" are?

#art #i have clinical enough anxiety to not need people to expect self-deprecation from me when i do anything... #i always find it fascinating and almost freeing to see an artist make their own shit and be PROUD of that work #i unironically need to watch the room because that's the type of energy that i need so desperately #i do genuinely wonder if the largest critics of some of the 'worst' pieces of art do just tend to hate that the artist is openly prideful... #...that it isn't necessarily the art itself that completely enrages them but that they don't have the weapon of shame and humiliation... #...to put the artist 'back in their place' (the bottom)? #maybe i've been overanalyzing people's intention but i do wonder #i'm not saying you aren't allowed to dislike art (i dislike SO much art)... #...what i am saying is not all hatred of art is created equal and not all of it is something that is really as bad as it's portrayed #i need to emphasize that you are allowed to dislike art for whatever reason. there's some art i don't like for pretty petty reasons... #...but i don't think that requires me demanding artists to be ashamed and self-deprecate whenever they dare show their pieces #i think so many people are conditioned into self-hatred that anybody who shows any level of self-respect is off-putting though #like that's something i've really noticed a lot #and i think this is an aspect of the trend towards seeing self-hatred as neutral and even good