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kineticwordplay · 3 years

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2020 roundup

its been awhile.

i used to write in here because i felt like i should. but now i dont feel that way anymore. paying homage to the longest kept online journal i have had. i vow to write when my mind is filled. let’s go :

- the 2020 before : i was in my final year in medical school, doing my clerkship, i was tired all the time, and i complained a lot as well. but even through hell and fire you learn what the job entailed really. from knowing to doing and everything in between, it’s a harsh slap of reality and a taste of what the practice of medicine is like.

- the pandemic : started at the eve of March 2020, foreshadowed by small infection news bites by large media conglomerates. we all thought it was just a few weeks off, maybe a month? then it morphed into 3 months, and gradually extending until now. The Philippines has the longest and harshest lockdown here and ever since then, i haven’t stepped foot inside a hospital

- the online graduation: we watched as my batchmates and I saw our faces flashed on a live facebook feed from our university, it sucked honestly. not because it was online because it was haphazardly done. i remember blowing up due to that. we worked 4 years for a measly live, but a grossly unprepared one? i could not permit.

- the workouts: filled with anxiety not knowing what comes next due to the pandemic, i decided to work out. a lot. it became an hour everyday then getting a fitness watch, watching my weight, using myfitnesspal, and daily instagram stories, i got considerable attention for it i even kept a small IG page for awhile. filled my head with much needed endorphins and activity. i wanted the VS Angel body. and i did get it(@rob.triestobefit) . gradually i tapered off to a healthier schedule and less intense. i felt like my bones and joints needed it, and i wanted to enjoy it. so i tried yoga, dance fitness, freeletics, weights, bodyweights, until i finally settled on a routine i actually kept.

- the online internship : with no choice but to continue training, internship online started early August. it was weird and felt like attending a less intense medical school lecture via Zoom. it did give me a chance to study the management better. though i miss the work i used to do and the involvement in patients’ lives i used to have

- the habit building : i read james clear’s Atomic habits and put it to work, stringing along good habits for an average of 66 days. i used my white board and made 66 boxes, i accounted for my progress in a discord server, and after that it was meditation. then duolingo ( though i fell off the wagon with this one). it was a very fruitful endeavor and a great read. right now im stringing in journaling before sleeping, right after reading stoicisim again. tracked my progress through journaling in Notion.

- the books i read: atomic habits, the daily stoic, the marshmallow test, the next door millionaire (current read!), Meditations + fiction, these books spoke to me. i felt like i was rebuilding myself after time i spent in medical school. i learned to make peace with my life and my emotions, to build a wealth mindset, and how to start and maintain a habit. in hindsight these were the most fruitful things i have always wanted to do. and im glad i did

-the studying : i decided to prepare for the board exams and maybe gun for a good board rating as well. my schedule of studying took the spotlight for these and i must admit they did help a lot during my internship. but i keep falling off, getting bouts of activity and laziness in the middle of it all. i joined a study discord and it did help me maintain some focus and i met new friends who were productivity minded. i must admit i havent done much in this area.

re-reading this small entry i feel like, “hey, thats not bad? considering how long you’re still stuck at home”. maybe it wasnt so bad for me.

and maybe ill write here more frequently? even its just for myself now.

#2020 #productivity #medical school #meditation #atomic habits

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itsjayyyy · 5 years

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August 17, 2019 4:01 pm

This will be yet another post in which I only write to map out my future goals, and refuse to actually update on the past (at least, the recent past) because I’m not ready to face my emotions yet. (Reminder for when I do write a real update: I need to go all the way back to july 25th, the week before finals).

Okay so today’s Saturday, tomorrow I close (and put in my two week’s notice!!! YEEHAW) and then the following week is the last week before the fall semester starts. I’ve REALLY been slacking on my studying. I separated my studying into two categories: the foundation exam (which is literally everything from comp sci 1) and extracurriculars (python, command line, autoCAD/solidworks/matlab, and how the hell github is used). I was supposed to balance between the two categories to not get bored, but since I only have one week before the foundation exam, I’m going to make that my #1 priority.

I’ve realized that studying at home is just a bad idea, even at the dining room table. It’s just too tempting to go to the kitchen and overeat, or go back to my bedroom and stare at the mirror (not in a narcissistic way, I’m just like a cat or some shit, where I like staring at mirrors. It’s very easy to make me distracted with small gimmicks). The library is open, even during breaks, from 7:30-5. On monday I need to go to campus to pick up my parking pass because I know that if I wait for the semester to start, the lines will be obnoxiously long. So from monday forward, I’ll be studying in the library that whole week. I plan on going in order of the comp sci 1 curriculum, but if I start to run out of time, I’ll start studying from the end because that’s the sections that I slacked off the most during the semester (although really, I must not have done TOO bad, since I still got a 95 on the final...).

So tomorrow, before my shift starts, I’ll step into the manager’s office and give my two weeks notice (and I will NOT let them coerce me into staying, my answer is final). I’ll tell them that I’m quitting because I need to focus on school this semester, which they’ll understand; I’m the only full-time college student at my entire venue, and a lot of my coworkers are surprised that I’m working 3 days to begin with. This means that my last day at work will be the 30th (I requested the 31st off because of the foundation exam), which is a closing shift (how fitting...). The week after that is rush week for alpha kappa sigma and I’m so excited!!! Tuesday and thursday I might not be able to go because my object oriented programming class is from 6-7:15, but hopefully tuesday will just be like, syllabus day and I can run over to rush after.

I’m gonna also try to join SEDS again, do the model rocket club that I would have done freshman year if I had enough ambition. I don’t know about coding clubs, I want to join one but I don’t know of any. To be honest, I think ASK is gonna be my main form of networking/experience, because it’s just so much easier to work in a group with other girls.

One of my coworkers recently told me that I overthink, and make myself stressed out about things that I shouldn’t be stressed about. This was about the time I was a cook at cinnabon and we ran out of every product we had (and the freezer was broken, so we literally had nothing), but I feel that it also applies to college. I failed calc 2 the second time because I kept psyching myself out, and I need to be careful not to do that with the foundation exam. I get so caught up thinking, “oh my god, I need to study really hard or else I’ll fail” that my notes will literally have every minute piece of info remotely related to the topic, and I barely get through one topic (see my notes on dynamic memory allocation- three full notebook pages of notes, in my tiny ass handwriting, just to cover malloc and calloc). I need to find a balance between “let me copy the entire textbook word for word” and “I don’t need to take notes on any of this, I already know it.” Somewhere like “I have a general idea of this concept, so I don’t need to take notes on everything, just write a refresher and some small details I feel like I’ll forget.” Because I got a 95 on both the final and midterm exams, which is all of the material on the foundation exam. I only need to get a 60 on the foundation exam to pass, and it’s pass/fail, as in, getting a 61 is the exact same as getting a 100 (I mean, I can use a higher score as bragging rights, or bring it up an an internship interview to make up for my shoddy gpa, but that’s about it). So I need to stop stressing and just start studying.

When I get my student refund, I’m first going to buy an office chair for my desk, so that I can study at home if I want. I feel like sitting at a real desk, and not a dining table or on my bed, will really make it easier to study.

Anyways that’s pretty much all I have to say for now. Since tomorrow is a closing shift, I’m going to stay up tonight until at least midnight to make my sleep cycle proper. That’s roughly 7 hours I can study, so I hope to get through 2 of the remaining 11 units. Then, monday and tuesday I’ll try to wrap up the remaining 9 units (2 hours per unit seems fair), and wednesday through friday I’ll try doing the previous years’ exams to get a feel of the material.

Oh, another thing I wanted to add: I think I might switch up my main blog style again. I mean, like I mentioned in a previous post here, I just don’t care about multifandom kpop any more, and even when it comes to bts I mainly use twitter to keep updated. Tbh I feel like I haven’t been honest to myself about who I am, and that’s simply a fuckin nerd. I mean, whenever I’ve been around rose, I’ve tried to be like her, ya know, going to clubs, doing ig baddie style makeup and stuff like that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that kind of stuff, but I’m just not an extrovert. I like playing video games on my computer, and coding, and even *gasp* watching anime. I feel like if I let myself enjoy activities that I actually enjoy, I’ll be more comfortable and able to make friends. Another thing to buy when I get my student refund: minecraft. And a raspberry pi. Plus, doing real activities like gaming and stuff would be a hell of a lot more productive than just laying in bed scrolling down reddit all day.

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