#i have to publish smthng. aNYTHING

[vairuler]

❝ i’ve given you no reason not to trust me. ❞

｡ﾟﾟ           𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐄 ; 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐀𝐘 , 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑 / ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵇˡᵒᵒᵈʸ ᶜʳᶦᵐˢᵒⁿˢ & bleeding firmaments . ˢᵒᶠᵗˡʸ ˢʰᵃᵈᵒʷˢ ᵈᵉᵉᵖᵉⁿ , 𝘺𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 ʷᶦᵗʰ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵉˡᵒⁿᵍᵃᵗᵉᵈ & 𝗿𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘀 ᶠᵒʳᵐˢ , & ˢᵒᵘⁿᵈˢ ˡᵘˡˡ ᵗᵒ ᵃ 𝚂𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝚂𝙻𝚄𝙼𝙱𝙴𝚁 . ᵃ ˢʸʳᵘᵖʸ ˡᵘˢᵗʳᵉ ᵈʳᶦᵇᵇˡᵉˢ , oozes , ˢᵗᶦᶜᵏˢ ᵗᵒ ᵘᵖᵖᵉʳ ˢᵉᵠᵘᵒᶦᵃ & ˢʸᶜᵃᵐᵒʳᵉ ˡᵉᵃᵛᵉˢ ᶦⁿ 𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐝 ʰᵃˡᵒᵉˢ , ˡᵘᵐᶦⁿᵃⁿᶜᵉ ᵍˡᵉᵃᵐᶦⁿᵍ ᵒⁿ ʰᵉʳ ᵛᵉʳᵗᵉˣ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵃ 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚗 . ❝       ⁿᵒʳ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ 𝖦𝖨𝖵𝖤𝖭 ᵐᵉ ʳᵉᵃˢᵒⁿ 𝑇𝑂 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 ｙｏｕ .       ❞ [ * ᵃⁿ ᵃʳʳᵒʷ ᶦˢ ⁿᵒᵗᶜʰᵉᵈ , ˢᵗʳᶦⁿᵍ ᵗᵃᵘᵗ & ᵃᶦᵐ ᵖᵒᶦˢᵉᵈ . ] ❝       ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿⁿᵒᵗ ᵈᵉⁿʸ ᵗʰᵉ 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸𝘀 ᵃʳᵉ 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳 ᶠᵒʳ ᵒⁿᵉ ˢᶦᵈᵉ . ᶦ ᵗʳᵘˢᵗ ʸᵒᵘ , ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵘʳⁿ ᵒᵘᵗ 𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖 : ⁿᵒᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ʳᵉᵐᵃʳᵏᵃᵇˡᵉ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿˢ . i trust you & you 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘆 me : ᶦ ᵍᵉᵗ ʷᵒᵘⁿᵈᵉᵈ ᵒʳ 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 .       ❞

❝       i 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 prefer to 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 now , i think .       ❞

#leviyatan #°｡ﾟﾟ ☼ ┊ ❪ ᶦᶰᵇᵒˣ . ❫ ROYAL COURT . ❜ ╯ #this is rlly rlly bad im soRRY ASFDGGD i was gonna write more but !1 #i have to publish smthng. aNYTHING

[sweatermuppet]

do you have any interest in writing short stories? or maybe even a novel one day? just curious cause i tend to focus on poetry but i have ideas for a novel but the thought of that seems so daunting lol

i have tons drafted, novels & short stories, micro fiction, character sheets, etc, but considering my poems are on average 300 words or less... i don't think anything will rlly come of them. i have my first piece of non poetry coming out next month but it's under a pen name so i won't be sharing it here :-/ if i ever write & publish smthng that isn't humiliating enough to melt bones under my true name, ill share it but for now...... unlikely. too big of a task & not my usual playing field

#i have a short film idea scripted down to the lighting outfits locations soundtrack etc #but god knows that's not going anywhere #anonymous

[imaslothandsowhat]

still unemployed. also, highly anxious and have creeping depression coming back. home situation so stressful with the whole home renovation. we dont have any help and im incapable of doing everything my parents want me to do. i keep having pestering health issues. i dont get enough sleep and i think i have very strong case of insomnia fuelled by horrible anxiety. home renovation is so stressful and shit doesnt work bcos both my parents are old and, well, im not a fucking builder so i dont do it either. they keep having constant bickering to full blown out fights. i cant even clean the house, im so exhausted all the time. i think tis the atmosphere in the house - depressing and hopeless, we all succumbed to it. i dont know how to escape. also, reading horror stories - that may have influenced my mental state in one way or another, who knows, at least it keeps me happy bcos im lost in another book.

i try to write. finished one shot. writing another one, a very long one. i have many ideas for fanfics but then i get discourages bcos 'those are just fanfics'. they are not going to get me employed or recognised in any way. its not a published book draft. i cant force myself write an analytical piece of essay on politics - it bores me, kills me. i want to be educated and i try to read some academic articles but i cant physically force myself to open one. also, i want to and, actually, just have to read and learn the laws (plural, yes, so fucking many) of my country so i can be an educated citizen that knows her rights. its intimidating, its a lot, i want to cry often bcos i feel like a failure.

im so old and i dont have a job even though i graduated bachelors already a year ago. i shouldve found smthgn by now. but i dont want any job, i want smthng nice and worthy of m and my time and my knowledge. but i suppose im also very lazy and passive. i thought about starting a youtube channel, but thats also a lot of effort. a lot of energy.

all my energy goes to surviving day by day in this depressed household whre my father is always angry, tired, unhappy and my mother is always angry, tired, unhappy. see, a pattern? i am, too, always angry, tired, unhappy. when things go well, we cherish and we dont do anything. then, things swiftly go to shit and i feel sm anxiety that i feel my heart bursting and bleeding and i dont have any meds (except simple calming one) to help me. i want to cry, often, more often.

i began my singing online classes. it felt like a lot of fun and i enjoyed it. i want to begin my piano classes too, slowly. but then, i feel like a failure bcos its not a job. i dont work. i dont get money. i dont develop myself career-wise. everythign i do and enjoy slightly - its all a mess, its all unworthy, its all pointless. i dont help around the house, i dont help with renovations, i dont work. im nothing, i worth nothing. i dont have a job and im nothing, i dont have a career and how dare i dream big, how dare i be ambitious.

very depressive state of mind. my mind is haunted, i suppose, its hunted even by these sharks of anxiety and self-hatred ingrained so deep within me that it takes me so many years to unlearn that no, in fact, killing oneself is not a logical decision and hating every inch of your being and your personality is, in fact, not a healthy and cool attitude.

well, doing it all little by little. might read some academic articles, might not. who knows? no one fucking hires me regardless of how many cvs i send. my country is rotting, decaying from blatant nepotism and corruption. how will i move through it? i do not know. but i put too much energy already in my beautiful hobbies, in helping around the house, in keeping myself and my parents sane and not going off the rockers. its a full time job, actually! i try to soothe myself before i sleep bcos i wish only to cry and scream bcos how dare my fate not be what i have imagined all these months ago.

the world is cruel, unhappy, damp place. and i think im falling through it. but im trying to remember that this all is just a temporary feeling and i will feel better soon, maybe even tomorrow. my hobbies make sense, they are worth the time, worth my energy. i must try to enjoy my life even though i feel like its running away and i am worthless and my mom's words about 'doing something, write something, DO SOMETHING' are not helping. i simply want to decompose, cease to move forever. why time flies so fast? its already the third month of the year and i havent accomplished anything. work-wise, i guess. mentally? im down again. why life is like this.

tmrw i believe things will be better even though i cant for the life of me force myself to fall asleep early bcos my thoughts are killing me, eating me from the inside. i cant for the life of me force myself to wake up early bcos the dread of the day filled with depressive state horrifies me. what a cycle i live in. i dont know how to get out. and my depressed and angry parents are not helping. and i do not want to leave my house, pls do not suggest, im so sick of this stupid suggestion.

#personal rant

[lesbianfreyja]

hey so im abt to graduate ha and i trust ur opinion i think so like no pressure but if u could just give me any input whatsoever that comes to mind thatd be Great. im taking a Gap Year next year bc even though my act and sat rank 95th percentile and i have an unweighhed 3.7 gpa w almost all ap classes i was rejected and/or waitlisted from every college i applied to. granted my safety was a 66% acceptance rate and its the best school in my state but Still (1/2)

(2/2) Anyways. im taking a gap year and i need to be Productive and Build My Resume more. im looking to pursue public policy math and music bc i play cello. i also want to read more (books articles Everything). i just want to know if unhave Thoughts on what would be good to do during my gap year. book recommendations, habits to adapt, types of things get involved in, whatever. i have a general plan of what im doing next yr but i just want lile Smaller things that will kind of keep me Going ig

omg wow well-- congrats on graduating first of all!!!

i personally didnt take a gap year/couldnt because idk how i’d ever get back in the flow of things, but you do whats best for u!! im not really sure what to recommend for you, but i’d definitely build the resume. personally, i don’t really believe in volunteering or internships, but maybe get a part-time/temporary job in the field you think you ultimately wanna pursue & do that a couple times a week. it’ll look good later that you have Experience In The Field -- even if you dont actually do anything relevant (for example if you wanted to be a vet & you just were the receptionist for one) future employers will think it’s great that you were in that environment, and it’s always good to have some extra pocket money anyways

books i’d recommend: things that interest you! if youre gonna be keeping busy during your year, then books/articles could potentially be reserved for Just Having Fun & Relaxing. it really depends on what you wanna learn about, ive read tons of interesting things so just lmk, there’s always ways to find books that teach you things while still being fiction or interesting (for example i read a book once that taught me a bit about getting published, because the main character published a book and it talked me through that process she went thru). also, i occasionally like to calm down and read smthng a bit mind-sparking while i play music and light incense/candles (for example, poetry or sylvia plath makes me feel Like An Intellectual). go to ur local library and browse around OR to a book sale and just pick up stuff that sounds interesting.

habits to adapt!! where i’m at right now, id suggest learning some basic life skills. what i mean is that i just moved out a couple days ago, and it’s occurring to me that i never learned how to cook rlly basic meals with a few core ingredients and stuff like that. pick something you think you should know before youre on your own and do it: make a few core meals from just ground meat/sauce/onions/whatever (my sister has like 5 ingredients that she just uses to make everything, it’s fast and tasty and a good idea). i grew up with siblings & already worked on some social skills in college, but if you havent, get used to breaking out of ur shell a little (i spent my first year friendless bc i Do Not know how to make friends). pick some things you wanna learn how to do and just begin the process of doing them--if you ever wanted to be somebody else, now’s the time to start making the change. learn how to do ur own laundry, learn how to use a dishwasher, start to clean your own room or communal living spaces. even the smallest things u pick up will be good to know later.

also, and idk if this is applicable to you, but you could always take some community college classes & transfer the credits later so you have a head start. i also generally recommend that if ur not getting in anywhere u want, go somewhere cheap & close and then transfer a year into the game, it’s MUCH easier. i’d also figure out where ur gonna go next year and start to get to know some people from the area so youre not just suddenly on ur own....even if you just talk to them online for the next year or so and dont get to meet up til you go (if its far). 

keep up with ur cello so you dont lose the skill in a year, it’s hard to pick things back up once u let it slip! take some online classes about public policy math so youve got a head start & can maybe even skip some intro classes! overall i’d just say to take the time to work on yourself and DONT let it get too stressful. relax and have fun, you dont know when ur gonna get unlimited time off like this ever again and with few obligations like rent, so enjoy it!!! and congrats again!!!

#anon #ask

[beaxmartin-blog]

INT. A WELL LIT STUDIO - SOMETIME

THE INTERVIEWER, in his early twenties, clean shaven and moderately handsome with expressive features and dressed well for THE INTERVIEW, is sitting across from BEATRIZ MARTIN, 23, with wide eyes and a rounded nose, in a constant state of exhaustion but even more so than usual today because it is PRESS DAY. both are seated, THE INTERVIEWER in a chair, BEATRIZ on a plush red velvet couch.

A CAMERA is focused on BEATRIZ, and her FACE appears on the MONITOR, focused on the INTERVIEWER as she waits for the DIRECTOR to say they are rolling. she has done this a few times before. she does not get nervous. she cannot remember the last time being in front of A CAMERA made her nervous. her POSTURE is impeccable. 

                                                                 DIRECTOR                                                                 we are rolling.

THE INTERVIEWER welcome to season three of the rank. we can’t say we’d like to be in your shoes, but everyone sure loves to watch every step you make. how are you feeling about this season ?? nervous ?? excited ?? do you have anything to lose by being here ??

his ENERGY is alarmingly ENTHUSIASTIC. when he SMILES he shows his TEETH. BEATRIZ contemplates the question. the room is QUIET as she does so. she has prepared NOTES for some of her answers, but not all. she does not consult her NOTES before she answers.

BEATRIZ those sound like two different questions.

BEATRIZ has earned a reputation among both PRODUCERS and PRESS for being difficult to get ANSWERS from. the INTERVIEWER laughs nervously.

THE INTERVIEWER oh, they are. answer whichever you like first. 

BEATRIZ i suppose you could say i’m resigned.

she is a WRITER. the word is chosen CAREFULLY. she crosses her LEGS, putting one KNEE over the OTHER and shifting in her seat.

BEATRIZ and you could say the rank is entertaining solely because we all have something to lose. points. our reputations. fill in the blank. so, i’m feeling resigned, and of course i have things to lose by being here.

she is SATISFIED with her ANSWER. the DIRECTOR motions to the INTERVIEWER to move on to the next question without responding to BEATRIZ. 

there is NOTHING to say to HER.

*

describe yourself in fifteen words. be honest or not. but make it memorable for us.

snowbea stir fry @beagotsicker people always ask me what i’m listening to on my headphones and what my favourite lyrics are so here’s a thread  12:09 AM - 24 Feb 2018

snowbea stir fry @beagotsicker ' an ocean of violets in bloom ’ from when doves cry - isn’t that such a lovely thing to aspire to be ? someone who loves so much they can make the flowers blossom ? i miss prince. 12:17 AM - 24 Feb 2018

snowbea stir fry @beagotsicker ' living so last night feels like a past life ’ from nikes - this line made me tremble the first time i heard it because it felt like he plucked it from my desires. frank is so, so good at narratives, and this line alone has multitudes. i wish i could write lines like this. 12:21 AM - 24 Feb 2018 

snowbea stir fry @beagotsicker current honourable mentions are from mama said knock you out, six inch, santa baby, lost in the world, and the less i know the better.  01:46 AM - 24 Feb 2018

*

im gonna answer these later im too tired and this is already late lol

who do you think you’ll be spending the most time with during your time here ?? do you think that they’ll have said you ??

put smthng here

*

consider this an offer: if this goes well, would you come back next season ??

email resign here

*

we can’t say that we’re not glad to see you return to this season, but tell us why — why did you come back to us ?? is it the attention ?? the drama ?? be real — if it’s the money, let us know — we’ll make sure that you earn it.

texts to elliot here

*

so many new faces sprinkled in with our veterans. is there anyone you know ?? is there anyone you wish wasn’t cast ??

put a thing here

*

in your past seasons, what was the most remarkable thing you’ve had to do for us ??did you regret it ?? would you do it again if you had to ??

BEA FINALLY GROWS SOME BALLS ??? REACTING TO EPISODE TEN OF THE RANK 1,438,633 views

charliereacts published on aug 17, 2017

00:01 CHARLIE: hey what’s up guys, welcome back to another episode of charlie reacts, today we’ll be reacting to the new episode of the rank. 

09:57 CHARLIE: is bea really gonna ?? holy shit — no. nevermind. she’s not. 

16:22 CHARLIE: bea is the most boring person on this entire show. will she ever do a task ?

*

last but not least: leave a comment for the viewers. don’t let them forget you.

DIARY.

31 december, 2017. 11:59 pm.

fuck it. i’m doing this. see you in the new year.

#trhq;task. #overthinks! #this graphic weird #there aren't even any violets on it #and i love giving characters byzantine halos even when they don't deserve them :/ #its incomplete one day ill finish it sorry mods #☆*ﾟ—「 do it for ya rank ! tasks 」❜

[captusmomentum]

@empresstress13​ replied to your post“Smthng I’m very tempted to do but am fighting against doing is...”

                       like on one hand, that would be SUPER interesting and cool. . . but one the other hand like you said, that would be very time consuming. . .

@my-beautiful-thief​ replied to your post“Smthng I’m very tempted to do but am fighting against doing is...”

                       Tarot sounds really cool, but yeah definitely time consuming. You could do something a bit simpler; pendulum dowsing would be easier to translate, potentially. Especially with influencing spirits and things to take into account  

  yeah that’s actually part of the plan! I have it that Inan (and i say them bc they’re the primary person in the main cast who does any of this), like many actual practitioners, uses a wide array of divination and oracle tools, everything from deeply ritualistic trance to taking not of what song was playing on the radio when they finally realized the radio was still on after tuning it out for a while.     

a lot of these can be easily transferred over like pendulums which is just 🙏 🙌 but for things like tarot and runes, there’s some work tho how much really depends on how much you want to do. Since this is a more text than image driven project I don’t need to design the runes at all i just at most need names and descriptions for the plot relevant ones. For tarot at min i need a different name and to rephrase some of the card titles and put a da glaze on the imagery.

but the part of me that is a world building Monster has had the interesting thought of runes being a trad tool of the dalish (easier to carry and care for, can b made out of anything) and tarot/oracle decks/some kind of card based system evolving from the city elves (more access to paper and ink, playing cards very common, easier to card for here, more innocuous than runes). Which brings in these interesting ideas that in the city elf decks there’s a lot of regional differences that may or may not have come together over time and an intermixing of andrastian and elven themes, symbols, figures etc.

if this were say, for a book i was reading to publish or for the da canon at the behest of bioware I’d being jumping right into it. or even just if i knew enough ppl were interested to justify it as smthng like a kickstarter or patreon reward i’d love working on it bc how is that not Super Interesting??? but realistically as it stands it’d be a bit of worldbuilding that was unnecessary for a fanfic i’m writing for free as practice to write more and write better. so all that time i could theoretically put into it would do me more harm than good for all the interest i have in it and the satisfaction it’d bring me.           

#amd hell #life is Hard #@ bioware hire me as ur lore minion think about it u could sell this shit for $$$$$ c'mon bioware

[imaslothandsowhat]

ministry of health officially announced the return of 'masks regime'. and me and my mom and my dad are all feeling sick, exhausted, but i literally dont know how we got sick and with what. my mom is sick like a cold flu, my dad keeps sweating and feels exhausted. i feel exhausted too, my body is aching but not in a flu kind of way, but still. my head hurts and i want to sleep all the time (but i dont lmao its another topic). its pissing me off!! like bitch !!! wtf happened!!!!

i keep postponing doing any work. i cant get to write my essays, i fear of writing horribly and then getting disappointed in myself. i also cant bring myself to write my fics bcos... i either have a writer's block or im also fearing this disappointment, plus i really dont like whatever comes out of my pen. i also feel exhausted 24/7 which might be another big reason.

im gonna sleep early tonight, just sleep, try to not think of naything. im so tired. i hope i'll get better soon. i wanna write smthng and get feedback but i cant bring msyelf to finish anything to publish and it makes me mad at myself so it brings negative emotions and it becomes a vicious cycle.

also the whole ordeal of showering is exhausting. but i must.

at least i have various books to keep me company. i think i need to read smthng creative so i can get inspiration. i kept watching youtube videos lately, movies. doesnt bring creative writing out of me.

i also cant find the right music ™ that would make me feel better. everything sounds bland, boring, horrible, old. idek what i want at this point. my hand and shoudler ACHE from crochetting so im givin myself some time of rest. this state of my health and my mind maeks me go insane.

i suppose i need jsut to rest without doing anything but its hard. my midn doesnt rest, thoughts keep bugging me. all the 'i must i must i hsould' make me feel horrible. cant let go. plus my mom keeps pestering me with my essays. not so often but still. its on the back of my mind and makes me go insane a little. i have sm to read and to do, academic knoweldge wise, that i feel so powerless and tiny and helpless. idek.

i think im jsut exhausted mentally, exhausted physically. its a long rant. i cant get anything proper out. i think i need to sleep to feel better. rest. not think . just enjoy life in whatever state it is now.

#personal rant

[sweatermuppet]

hi i saw your post about someone soliciting for your work and I was wondering, how do I go about that? like not only you but also other authors I like? what's the polite way I have to be if I want to include you/other poets in a zine?

I've been recently looking into making my own zine to publish some of my pieces and wanted to include other poets and I never know what's the protocol around it (if there is one) /genuine inquiry

in my experience, the best reach outs go smthng like this: introduce yrself + give the title of yr mag/outlet/project. a line or two abt what yr looking for. likely compliment the artist/writer yr contacting (don't go overboard with praise tho), say you'd love to publish them

you can end it there & close it up with like, "let me know if this is something you're interested in. email/message/contact me [email address or website] & ill provide more details!" details like if it's a paid opportunity, where to contact you, when submissions close, how many pieces (maximum, minimum, word count, file format), anything else that you think is important they know abt yr outlet

#anonymous