#i havent had fun on this blog for this comeback in comparison to previous comebacks

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#oh look its me. once again here to ramble #anyways my depression sessions give me a whole lot of time to think #like once i get past the real bad thoughts anyway this ramble doesnt #really have anything to do with that sweet breakdown. anyway i like tried to take #time away from my blog for the most part of today #bc i just didnt want to be on here or anything and like honestly the only thing #/group should i say that made me wanna post again was nct #and its not for any particular reason? i just felt for comfortable returning to them? #that doesnt make sense but i know what i mean #and if im being honest? im not enjoying being in the carat fandom? #like i havent for the whole comeback smth has put me off #and like thats the 2nd time this year in just a few months? #its hardly ever happened in the whole 3+ years ive been in the fandom? #i cant exactly put it all into words properly but yeah? #i havent had fun on this blog for this comeback in comparison to previous comebacks #and tbh that short period where i swapped my focus to nct was so refreshing #and fun idk what the exact difference is #maybe bc its partially all a new fandom to me bc even though ive loved #nct since debut i never really got into the fandom until this year #and then i distanced myself again #and now im just ?? #bc i feel detached from the svt fandom too 😞 #anyway maybe tonight i'll kinda switch my focus from svt for a bit #it's not even the group ? just smth uncomfy i feel in the fandom #ughh worss #*words #text post #personal