#i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love

[mejomonster]

I would like. To be in mutual love

#rant #yeah... #........................................................................................................................................... #look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i #cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have #and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over #meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship #that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend #and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before #i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back #to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever #kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that #i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love #i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too #luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date #the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it #was just not enough click to even make a friend #god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours #i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.