#i love being alive when im with my friends

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT? #LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page. #but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW? #ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much.... #AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012. #almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS. #only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess. #i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

[starsoftheeye]

TMAGP Live Reaction - Ep 13

This probably won't be a regular thing since I usually listen to the new episodes on my way home from school, but I wanted to do it today and no-one can stop me

Pre-Episode

Aw this dedication is so nice, reminds me of how I used to sign off on social media when I was younger

Pre-Statement

omg samcelia date samcelia date

they're so cute omg

"she also said that you dont know how cute you are" alice dyer youre not fooling anyone

i wanna hear what this interaction sounded like between alice and celia

"nobody, i'm mysterious" this isnt gonna come back to haunt us im sure

omg samcelia dating reveal already

JACKS HER SON OMG

"wild couple of years after i moved here" does this mean that celias way of coping with being dropped in a different universe was to just fuck... iconic

either that or jack got brought along with her and shes just covering it up. or jack has some mysterious origins that we dont know about

omg a horror protagonists with loving, alive parents wow

i was not expecting sam to be this relatable oh no

sam :(

oh no an "incident"

alice :(

i love celia just being "i know we're on a date and thats great and all but what do you think about the Horrors"

ofc you know theyre real you lived through the apocalypse

ah hello lena and gwen

ah gwen is learning about the consequences of delivering a random address to a living mr blobby knockoff

ooh are we gonna get some exposition

yes we are

these are our Fears i presume

you work in the government responsible for discarding peoples experiences and traumas gwen you werent exactly one of the good guys to begin with

guys i dont think shes gonna sort it

Statement

hold music?? hello?? do we recognise this voice?? needles??

i cannot understand what the name of this company is but i do not like them

the autoresponder sounds so cunty who are they i must know

oooh a scottish guy we love a scottish guy

"i pay your wages" sounding ass. telling the autoresponder that youre the highest investor in a gambling app isnt the flex you think it is dude

i think if a website that directly involves the handling of your money does "weird background checks" and has a "janky interface", staying is less of a feat of loyalty and more a feat of stupidity

oh this guy does nfts for sure

are you allowed to blame the warning you didnt listen to for the consequences?

oh his friends suck too

damn all jokes aside i feel bad for this dude

ohhh so is this like the dice where things can only get so good before they go terribly? or is it like a "when your life gets bad your money goes up" thing

ah its the second option

tbf if its not against the law its not against the law

this guy is the definition of "20 pounds is 20 pounds"

suddenly i dont feel as sorry for this guy

i have a sneaking suspicion that this guy did not get his money

oh nevermind

OOOOOOH NEVERMIND THAT NEVERMIND

huh

HUH

DID THEY SEND A CREATURE TO GET HIM WHAT

Post-Statement

Alice!!

Ooooh he got pished

Alice really out here dissing every kind of date I've ever been on

oh no :(

sam no :(

sam apologise please

shes right tho youre in the wrong place if you don't want weird

alice :(

this is why a polycule would fix everything

alice i love you

sam i love you but you deserved that

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #samama khalid #celia ripley #alice dyer #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #tmagp spoilers #tmagp reaction

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that #will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT. #anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure. #and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo #$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive #and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started #anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean #and i am just so sad right now #and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun #not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course #i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as #breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage #i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard #i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade #and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone. #i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that #:(( #honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug. #im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything

[cantdanceflynn]

IK I HAVENT DRAWN IN FOREVER BTW IM WORKING ON CATCHING UP

#ITS JUST. BEEN SHIT TO GET MOTIVATED LATELY #ESPECIALLY WHEN IK NONE OF U CARE #LIKE WHY AM I BOTHERING POSTING THIS??? NO ONE GIVES A SHIT??? NO ONE LOOKS AT MY ART FOR MORE THAN A SECOND NO ONE CARES #WHEN THEY DO CARE ITS ONLY BC ITS A GIFT FOR THEM OR I SENT IT TO EM N THEY DONT WANNA BE RUDE #LIKE WHY FUCKIN BOTHER LATELY YA KNOW. LIFE IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND ANYTHING I COULD DO WITH THESE SKILLS I LOVE SO MUCH IS GOING #WELL UP IN FLAMES IF YOU DONT MIND THE WORDPLAY #N IK IT EATS YOU ALIVE TO CARE ABOUT WHO SEES YOUR WORK. IK ITS BAD N I SHOULDN'T DO IT. #BUT IF NOT EVEN ANY IF MY FRIENDS(BARRING MY BF XOXO LOVE U PYXE BUT LIKE I DO SEND U EVERYTHING STILL LOL) CAN EVEN BOTHER #JJST. EVEN LOOKING AT MY STUFF #WHATS THE POINT?? #THE ONLY ART OF MINE THATS GOTTEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION LATELY HAS BEEN THE ISAT AU N THATS BC THATS A COMMUNITY STARVING FOR STUF #LIKE HOW MANY NOTES MY WANDERSONG STUFF GOT DESPITE BEING SO BAD #BUT IVE IMPROVED SO MUCH AND POURED SM INTO A COMMUNITY THAT DOESNT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME????? #WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??!?!!?! SOMEONE TELL ME ID DO ANYTHING JUST TO KNOW WHY I CANT GET ANYONE EVEN THE PERSON WHO LOVES ME THE MOST #TO GIVE A SHIT JSUT ONCE #ill prolly delete this later. Im sry.

[swordfaery]

anyway my favourite thing about dead men fanfiction is the wildly different characters we all write. like. not even the ones who have been dead for years and have so little actual characterisation but even the ones who were alive in canon were probably very different one hundred, two hundred, three hundred years ago. also theyre under characterised in fiction. also we are all just having fun

#guy who barely posts about skulduggery pleasant: so ive be rereading some of my old favourite dead men fanfiction #as well as my own dead men fanfiction #and damn if we arent all writing a bunch of different fucking guys. to be fair i have gone rogue bcos like. cant be fucked w canon #dont wanna write about war #heyo what if it was pre war and everyone was still. convinced their wouldnt be one #also i love the idea of skulduggery being. just super fucking irresponsible devil may care live laugh love sorta guy pre-war #spoilt. rich parents who dont care much about him. loads of magic tutors. #i mean think about the class implications of the dead men #skulduggery. an elemental. a difficult discipline that clearly requires a level of training and scholarli-ness #his NAME is skulduggery #you come across that name if your educated. if you read a lot #this is a man who has been afforded every privilege #and like. i think a lot of sorcerers are implied to be very upper class #or like. kinda rich and fancy about it #but obviously that wouldnt be the case for everyone bcos magic isnt just genetic right like some ppl just show up with it #and like even then #dexter vex #anton shudder #like as far as im aware these are just names ppl have #and slightly uncommonly used words #disciplines which are more emotional/physical #as opposed to 'learned' #i just think its interesting #i was gonna have my dead men all meet n be friends pre war #but tbh i think them meeting and not being friends is better #i think theres a sort of tragedy in them being as close as they were because of the war #and not having that post war or pre war #its actually really fucking sad but like. evidently they didnt hang out in the interim when most of em were still alive #or at least that much #im wondering if like. they needed a couple hundred years of like. detox bcos seeing each other just pulled them back into that mindset

[im2tired4usernames]

They stole any possible joy of motherhood I could have possibly wanted they stole my entire childhood they stole my teenage years my twenties and they continue to steal my future they won't be happy untill they've taken my whole life

#i hope your in fuckin hell you ugly cultist bitch i hope your getting what you deserve dad i hope karma hits you #i hope all your children grow up to hate you #quiverfull parents are monsters and they all deserve a place in hell #i hope my next life is that is a thing i get freedom and respect in my life #i hope they get a say in their life snd are well loved well rested and happy #im tired of being alive im so fuckin tired of my life #i cant die because there's wo many people who depend on me but fuck life sucks and it really is 100 because of my parents #i wish my future was actually reachable #i wish people would stop using me #i love my siblings i love spending time and caring for them #but i look at all my other siblings and my dad who fits in dates multiple times a week #who get jobs that pay that they enjoy they get hobbies they are responsible for themselves and only themselves they are starting families #they're getting to experience what it's like to be allowed to be a teen a 20 something a fuckin human person they go to concerts they sleep #when theyre tired they use their money for their own bills and wants and needs they get to go do things with they're partners as often as #they'd like to they get to EXPERIENCE LIFE WHILE I TAKE ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY #i want to be able to move in with my partner go in dates do things with friends get married write books draw get a job #i want to grow and change #they get to experience young adult life i get the adult responsibility but not the life experience or world knowledge or wisdom #I'm supposed to be the friendless sexless constant caretaker whos hobbies are dishes and vacuuming #that being said i cant make a future if no one is willing to make a move i cant be the only person trying to grow up #this includes my partner my siblings my dad they all need to make steps for our goals or we'll be stuck in a stagnant bullshit of 'someday' #constantly daydreamin about a future that'll never come i need to start making steps for it and i need other people to start making steps to #gwt ready to start growing up I'm not goin to let people keep holding me back forever my life is goin to fucking change or I'm goin to die

[liselke]

my very unpopular opinion is that. i really dont like the doctor/rose romance i just cant stomach it that girl is 19 years old. i love rose as a working class icon i really dont like her romance with the doctor. shes a 19 year old girl that gets swept up in this whole new magical world by a thousand year old alien i dont want to see him kiss her on the mouth im sorry. i dont want to see him become the point of her life i dont want to see her end up with a new traumatised again copy of him as a good ending with seemingly no problems

#lis talks #should i tag this... or will i get eaten alive... hardest decision in the history of my posting #no hate to people who ship them obviously!!! you can ship whatever you want forever #its just that i really dont like it #i remember watching 9's run praying to myself that they wont make his relationship with rose romantic #and. i guess what i want to say is that i love them as friends i adore them as friends #and i even dont mind the doctor being in love with her! i dont! i see the doctor as the type of guy who falls in love very easily #i just dont think he should have been the endgame for rose #i guess..yeah that would be my issue with them. the fact that he becomes the whole point of her life #and she ends up with him and thats her happy ending. like. i just dont like it im sorry im sorry i just dont #m. yeah. anyway when are we getting a female companion thats not 20 years old huh #doctor who #<-please dont kill me

[hella1975]

okay so im staying the night at my friend's in my Uni City on sunday bc my maths exam is monday morning and i dont have any accommodation there anymore (which is really stupid on the uni i feel? like they expect kids to be paying the train and accommodation fares AND navigate the current rail strikes AND revise during heatwaves when they could just very easily in this post-covid world put the exams online? baffling) and this is my one coursemate that's super super good for me in that she's VERY disciplined and WILL yell at me if im not working like i should be. she's also the econ student who asked me in the corruption lecture if tax evasion is legal but that's neither here nor there. anyway my point is she lives locally hence why im staying with her and i cannot stress enough how much she singlehandedly holds my academic life together. like i am going to show up on her doorstep with all my notes and just burst into tears im sure of it

#guarantee she'll teach me more for my resit the night before than i managed to do in 4 weeks alone #the only thing is her parents are SUPER fucking nice and keep offering me shit #and im so so miserable during exam season like i need to just stay in a room all day revising and not talking to people #otherwise the stress will just eat me alive #so even though it's a pain im then gonna come HOME on monday after the exam just to stay at hers again #on the 3rd for my macro exam next thursday #nightmare #BUT her parents keep insisting i stay the entire time like keep in mind they've met me ONCE #and tbf parents always love me like it's just one of my charms <3 but inviting someone for FOUR DAYS when i wont even be leaving #the house the entire time is mad #like mad in a good way bc they genuinely are just being stupidly generous #BUT STILL #and they always offer me a shit ton of food and im a nightmare for refusing free food #like one time the uni converted part of the SU into a langar and i went with this exact friend actually #when i tell you it was the worst combination in the best way my god i have never eaten so much in my life #she was like 'just say no when they offer' i was like bestie i CANT you dont understand #and it's like that with her parents too im in heaven and hell simultaneously every time #so im just gonna be teary and stressed out my mind on the floor surrounded by notes as far as the eye can see #and my poor friend and her parents are gonna be TOO NICE and it's going to break me like i have been holding on by a thread all month #watch me on the verge of a breakdown and the thing that tips me being the absolute angel that is my friend mum #once again asking if i want anything #her: are you okay in here can i get you anyth- #me: *immediately starts sobbing* #AND IM ON MY PERIOD ARE YOU INSANEEE #hella goes to uni #anyway im feeling normal about this resit how are you

[mrfoox]

Uh. Like month... 4... Without an big breakdown and im 😳 what.... Wha

#miranda talking shit #I always say this but holy shit what the fuck i didnt think medication could have so much impact #I thought be being numb would be the best case. But here i am like 👍 life's not so bleak. I have loved ones. There's more for me to see #Like what the fuck.... Ive been sucidal since i was 11... I thought that would just be permanent for me... That it would kill me one day #But here i am just.... Like...living? #I mean im still not living life to the fullest mainly bc im still not used to just ... Be and not feel like garbage #I still have many problems and inner battles but they don't .... Send me into the abyss or worse #Anti medication people can probably argue if im ACTUALLY happy or just high of my meds or something but i... #I just feel like myself but ...kinda like when you put on glasses after being without them for a while #You see things clearer again and you had forgotten that your eyes were bad #I see the same things who would make me smile for 1 second. Now i see them and they make me smile for half a minute or more #I feel i think a lot more and notice smaller things. Smaller delights. A little cute bug flying by. An pretty flower outside. Someone #Laughing with their friend. A child playing outside. They all make me happy now and i just ... Yeah. #I am not the most positive person alive or am super happy all the time... But having actual ... Normal days #Actually be just... Just fine. Not 'i have managed to not cry and kept my mental health in check somewhat etc' but actually just #Things are fine. On an scale more in tune with others version if fine. Im used to my okay days just being like... Oh i was awake today #I ate a meal today. I didn't cry. But i still had my usual bad mental space but it was fine bc it was a bit more manageable #That was a fine day. Now I'm like... Id describe my days now as great days. I usually have one or two of these days #Per year ... Now i have them like daily... Theyre just fine. It blows my mind... #Ive always been positive to medication despite not finding one that helped me as much as i... Wanted. But now it's like #Holy shit yeah. Wish i found this medicine at age 15 when i started and not 10 years later but man im glad i finally found it #So glad i decided not to just settle with the one i had. When i brought up i wanted to try new medication again #Doctors were like what... But why? And it's like.... Yeah that one i had was.... The best i had found at the time and i had kept it for 3 #Years. But it did only help me to stabilize some. I still felt like garbage... And explaining that to a doctor is like... Idk how to do that #Like id say my old medication helped 25% i know it helped mostly with my general anxiety. But it wasn't like to a point i felt #It was a GOOD medication for me. Just ... It was the best i had tried so... It was fine...

[sar3nka]

Also crazy woman made me act unwise again I talked to her for like 2 hours. It was a weirdass situation. There was karaoke and I sang mr brightside for her 💀 put my entire heart into it too damn she clapped and we talked and laughed a lot

#but the whole situation was awkward cause like no one fucking likes her its not my fault #and i walked a decent distance to pick her up cause she got lost on the way there. and when i was going my girlies were begging me to stop #the somewhat misandrist one actually took the side of my pet male and they vibed a lot together. everyone loves him tbh. #some of my friends are kinda close to being radfems and even they take his side everytime like pls let larper go pls let her kill herself #and i dont listen to voice of reason again i might throw a smaller party for my birthday and she says shell be there... awh #im stupid im a fool #she wears the patches i made for her on her jacket its cute im sorry its the cutest when she took it off and i saw her arms #i just wanted to eat her alive sorry sorry #either way... pet male was babysitting us while we were sitting next to a fountain. at least he accepts my clownery 🤡

[fantasy-driven-soul]

;

#now that the 11th is finally over i can say its been 5 years of me being alive #i remember posting on here when i woke up not dead 5 years ago #so much has changed since then #i still feel depressed && overwhelmed constantly #but i realize the good things now too #i love my friends who helped me back then (yall know who you are 💜) #and i love my newer friends who help the new me whenever i have old thoughts #another 5 years ill be a doctor #so much can hapoen in 5 years #im glad my life didnt end 5 years ago

[florenceisfalling]

like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.

#one of my favorite writers left because they couldn't deal anymore and one of my favorite writers turned out to have shit views and one of #my favorite writers left because of something that was partly my fault and one of my favorite writers stopped writing because of two of the #others and one of my favorite writers hurt someone i love over and over and over and one of my favorite writers left because they were the #someone i love. two of the big names hate queer folk that don't align with their ideals and half the artists left for twitter or for dead. #the man himself left because criticism always becomes cruelty and people lie to make themselves feel good. #the editors all turned their accounts private and my favorite told me on livestream that i was good and starting somewhere but then forgot #my name. and i thought maybe i was the bitter one but then i look at some of the other people who have been here so long and wonder why #they even bother anymore because they care more about complaining with everything j.ack does than anyone who actually enjoys his stuff. #and you know i poked fun at *** for a lot of things. some deserved some not. and one of them was the fact that she compared fandom #to warfare. and yes that's still silly i don't think it's a fair comparison but i do know that she wasn't fully wrong. #when you've been here for a long time and ive Been here for a long time you start to get really used to names and faces #and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one. #i don't want to pretend that this fandom is just a silly little hobby for me when lets be honest i know some of yalls personal lives a #little too dearly for that. ive loved people here ive lost people here the first person who showed me this place fucking DIED and i still #lose it sometimes over the fact that he would have loved jameson so much and we couldve been closer friends had he stayed alive a few more #years. so yeah. sorry for being fucking cringy or whatever but there have been times where i've felt like im on a sinking ship watching #everybody else row away and i refuse to go. so like. cool. cool. im glad things are good again but i never really got to process the bad #things.

[bl-inkstone]

mini ramble again before i go n do my hw!

#miyo.chatting #BYE IM LOSING MY MIND #MY HEART IS SO FULL #I AM SO #I AM LEGITIMATELY PUNCHING AIR AND BURYING MY FACE IN MY PILLOW RN #MY HEART!! #ITS SO FULL OF LOVE!! #I CANT BELIEVE ONE HOZIER SONG IS ENOUGH TO REDUCE ME TO A GIGGLING MESS #THIS WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING IF I WASNT SO HAPPY #DHFGYEDFEWDBJS ITS A WONDERFUL DAY TO BE ALIVE #TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED #EVEN IF ITS JUST A CHARACTER ON A SCREEN #THE LOVE I FEEL IS NOT ANY LESS REAL THAN THE LOVE I FEEL FOR MY CLOSEST FRIENDS!!! FOR THE WORLD AROUND ME!!! #IVWDYVHSBHJED #IM SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!!! #TO BE GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE TO HAVE MY HEART GROW SO FOND OF SOMEONE THAT IT LEAPS IN JOY WHEN I THINK OF THEM #BEING HUMAN!! #BEING HERE!! #ITS SUCH A WONDERFUL THING!!!!

[bo0zey]

everyday i wake up against my will n im lettin y’all know now that i’m abt 1 more waking up against my will day away from somehow someway making it god’s personal problem

#blueface baby ayyy #i love my cat but sometimes i am annoyed bc if it wasn’t for his existence i would said sayanora Long ago lmao #i wanna d word i was not supposed to make it past 18 i’m so fucking angry #im not gonna amt to anything in life i’m so scared of it all so pathetic and weak #i’m too weak for this world someone else can have my place i was never supposed to be here anyways hahah i’m not good at anything #i have zero talents ive wasted 10 years of my life writing books and publishing nothing i live in my stupid dreamworld #i don’t know how to hold a conversation i don’t want to go outside i want to rot in my bed i am so sick of myself #also don’t come in my ask box on some wahwahwah stop self pitying crybaby grow up ok bc i’ve literally been telling myself that for years #if someone walked up to me rn n was like here have this euthanasia pill and i knew my cat would #be safe and happy w someone else then yes i would take it in a heartbeat lmao no water necessary !! #im a burden to my family a financial burden all i’m good for is putting more debt unto others how USELESS!!!!!!!! #i have no friends but it’s my fault bc i don’t talk to anyone back i just i can’t #i think subconsciously i’m trying to push everyone further and further away so when i die they aren’t hurt #i don’t want a funeral i don’t want anyone to grieve me i feel like a narcissist even assuming someone would grieve over me lol #i just want to be forgotten about i want everyone to keep living and doing well without me to get in their way #i’m just an obstacle in other ppls lives a hindrance a fucking troll without a riddle just hurtful mean words #i’ll write everyone apology notes #i have so much guilt inside me it’s filled my lungs and heart sometimes i can’t breathe if i think abt all the ppl i’ve hurt by being alive #god put me on this earth to teach ppl lessons abt avoiding ppl like me #fuck god i’m done being his puppet i’m done hurting ppl i’m gonna go away someday and no one will ever hurt again #why do i want to cry i’m so fucking self absorbed why the fuck am i sad abt myself #i think subconsciously there’s something in me that wishes to stay alive and be the positive impact on ppls lives like i always wanted #i always wanted to help ppl and make friends and include everyone and now i’m just so toxic i let younger me and everyone else down so bad #i feel like my mom hated me too right now i feel like she deserved a better prettier smarter funnier more selfless daughter #im ok everyone btw im just being dramatic n venting lol dw i’ll start writing in a journal instead of tags soon #shut up cianna