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common-blackbird · 4 years

Photo

Started!

This is my Inquisitor (so overjoyed you can be a qunari), her name is the default Herah and I decided I’m going to approach this game by staying true to a character and not looking to do everything and be on everyone’s good side u_u

I want to make a good background for her so i’m not telling anything. Yet. I’ll just say she’s a qunari mercenary and prefers using two-handed weapons.

Highlights from today:

Studying history does pay off! This was a reference to the famous book in environmental history - Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. So proud i recognised it x)

Also i don’t have a good shot of solas but he cracks me up so much.. The guy has a posture of the typical retired grandpa (the only thing missing is to have him walk with his hands on his back). And there’s a scene where the party sees the rift and there’s the inquisitor facing it, cassandra bracing herself and solas... just standing like an old man

On a side note, Cassandra is so gorgeous and good and i already love her, i just keep taking shots of her TAT

As for varric, it’s so different than from da2, this is so much more “official” and you can see he’s the same as ever, but you’re not hawke, hawke’s not here, the gang’s not here and there’s nothing casual about the whole situation T-T

And lastly, my inquisitor has a horse now, i didn’t know that was possible in the game ;__;

played some more...

Let me start with.... The advisors! (+ cassandra... or is she also an advisor too?)

What a bunch. I love Cassandra’s and Leliana’s faith having a crisis bc they believe that Inquisitor is the Herald of Andraste and the way they deal with it. It’s really interesting. Leliana is completely opposite than what she was in origins and i’m surprised it doesn’t bother me at all! I love seeing this whole darker side that was only hinted at in origins, though it’s also sad when i think how she used to be. I wonder how she’s gonna overcome her doubting of faith.

Josephine is a delight. I keep using her for almost every war table mission for now. She radiates capability. She reminds me of those bureaucrats that are super nice and helpful and chill and even if you’re doing everything wrong she’ll just smile and say “it’s ok, we can fix it” and then goes and fixes everything herself (and you feel this insane amount of gratitude you send a whole separate email to thank her for her patience and help )

As for Cullen... It’s interesting... I got impression from what i saw in the fandom that he’s supposed to have had his allegiance changed and him rejecting the templars should have been him ultimately siding with the mages (or at least being anti-templar(?)), and that turning point that could have been a great way to show his character development during the game. Which i agree, only... i did not get that impression from the game so far at all. I mean, so far everything that i can remember him saying is totally smth he’d say in da2... He didn’t leave kirkwall bc of his disappointment with the templar order, he doesn’t seem to have any issues with the templars except those who go full war mode instead of trying to balance the situation. And it’s a really chaotic situtation, i love how they did it.

This line was amazing, i wish there was a special cutscene for that.

I’m loving the way they made this huge religious organisation in crisis have a complete collapse with the death of a key figure. I love the concept of inquisition and problems that it poses. I love you can see everyone’s reasoning and doubts reflect their background, but also see why inquisition can be understood as another power-grasping organisation trying to topple the templars, the mages and the chantry. Everything is divided. We got templars leaving the chantry, seekers leaving the chantry(?), rebel mages, loyal mages, rebel mages gone rouge, templars gone rouge, and suddenly there’s another organisation forming that you can totally believe is just another powerhungry force trying to get the piece of the cake by taking advantage of the power vacuum left by the sudden lack of the religious authority. (and only we know we’re The Good Guys). I love that we have characters who need to believe in the greater plan, characters who question the greater plan, and characters who want to utilise the power of belief and characters who don’t care for divine plans. The chaos is real and it feels real. I love that the centre figure of the whole holy business is a heretic of another culture. For the chantry this is the lose-lose situation (unless the inquisitor becomes religious by the end of the game). Which is why this line works so well.

Ok, now shorter updates:

Red Jenny! I know it’s not her actual name but it is in my head. Where’s that box i delivered ages ago >_> Anyways, she makes my brain work on 150% capacity. I can understand what she means only after i go over it for 5 times.

Forgive me but oh my god, i can’t believe that i can recognise one voice actor and now i have another mental image whenever he speaks. Like, he’s really good at bringing out a new character, but when he gets more casual he sounds like kanan jarrus from star wars rebels and i’m just “what are you doing here, space dad” ;__; Hopefully it’ll get old and i’ll be enjoying more iron bull. he seems nice...

Vivienne on the other hand is like a reverse Josephine(?) She seems insanely capable but hates customer service, however somehow she likes you very much and will do everything you need for reasons you can’t fathom. Have a screenshot. So classy. I already feel humbled.

and lastly, BREAKING NEWS: aveline finally hired carver ;__;

Tbh Kirkwall is still a mystery and i have so many questions but i don’t think i’ll get any answers... If a powervacuum of the divine cause this much chaos, how’s kirkwall faring without a new viscount? Like, yeah, aveline can keep in check, but umm it’s in a very vulnerable state which makes it a good target for any invasion... didn’t sebastian promise bloodshed?

That’s all for now, bc otherwise i’ll start writing an essay on cassandra.

We befriended a bear in the hinterlands!

lets start with this cool shot

so, i have been to the mages and to the templars and... i sided with the templars.... First i was all for mages since they offered negotiations while the seeker just walked away, but then it turned out that was a trap, there’s also tevinter mages there (which is a red flag for my inquisitor) and then there’s some time magic involved (which is a big no for me), and i just walked out. Felt bad for the mages but my inquisitor comes from a culture where mages have their tongues cut so...

Also this guy deserves a medal for putting up with corrupted superiors and annoying nobles.

And i met cole ;__; Where are Rhys and Evangeline ;___;

the templar mission was ok i guess... I was surprised that red lyrium was apparently circulating around for some time, not sure if that means since meredith or even before. I love the stories of corruption tho and to imagine what it’s like to be trapped in this organisation that just keeps breaking everything it stands for

As for the important mages, i’ve Dorian twice since i bailed out on him in Redcliffe :I I love the guy, he seems arrogant yet so kind (like, no one would have carried that annoying priest and yet he did, after he ran from his own people to warn us after i ditched him in Redcliffe? man ;A;) Every time i go with “ok the inquisitor fears tevinter and distrusts this rando who just popped in” i am marinating in guilt.

and then we fight some mages and die several times but we succeed and we meet the bad guy...

Is it an unpopular opinion to say that i like him as a villain so far? i saw so many jokes on his incompetency. Idk, i like that part where he said that he reached the fade in someone’s name, it makes me think he’s not just power-hungry person(?) who’s just evil,but was originally serving someone, and he said that the gods were either gone or corrupted and he spent hundreds of years thinking what to do with whatever happened so he seems like he knows what he’s doing and maybe(!just maybe) he is trying to fix things that are wrong but we can’t see that? And of course he hates the inquisitor, he has to redo his stuff all over again, i’d hate the inquisitor too. im probably looking too much into it. My wish is that, if he’s evil, he became so gradually, but originally had good intentions? Or there’s more to things going on that we just don’t know and he does... Maybe this was his tragic attempt to fix things but he would ultimately fail and be branded as a villain etc etc. I’m getting carried away

If it turns out he’s just evil for the sake of being evil then feel free to tell me so now so i don’t embarrass myself further with plotting myself lol.

A side note, is he the Architect? Or the same? In DA2 he says he’s a tevinter magister, right? and he ceased to be a human. Also in DA2 it seemed like he was the boss, and here he said he reached in the name of someone (probably more important than him). But what is the Architect then?

And with that we reach the skyhold.

in skyhold

I didn’t know you meet hawke so soon ;__; i thought that was like, somewere more to the end of the game, since the big decision and all. But the mission is already opened and i am going to procrastinate on it until i finish every side mission :<

Also he is so sad ;__; i understand, but at the same time... all that humour now bitter sarcasm :’(

(also, very shallow remark, but i really really prefer his looks in da2 than here... it’s like they softened him. He’s more...oh god idk bearish(???) than hawkish(????) you know what i mean? the nose isn’t as sharp anymore, the beard is... what is it with the beard... anyways i get the game has its limits so it’s fine. it’s fine! fine.)

then there was the fight that i remember since twitter >:D

It’s what made me want to play dragon age and i finally reached it T-T so good! I love how you can see the both sides and everything they say is true but they’re so angry at themselves they’re taking it out on each other TAT

Cassandra later says Hawke probably wouldn’t have joined the inquisition even if she found him, and i wonder now if that’s true... At first i thought, nah, Hawke has too much of a hero complex, he would feel too responsible to just say no. Besides, he’s with the inquisition now (tho i can’t find him anywhere anymore!). But at the same time, the way da2 ends was such an iconic walking away from everything, and not taking into account the hocus-pocus rift stuff, i can imagine him refusing, especially seeing how bitter he is now. It’s also a question of how much would have cassandra told him i guess. idk, what do you think? Would he lead or nah?

another person i want to find but can’t in skyhold are the templars with ser barris. i can use them on war table missions but otherwise they’re non-existant? i forgot to talk to him back in haven but now i wonder if it was even possible and if he was even available there, since he isn’t here. I spent hours just running around skyhold looking for the guy :(

and then everything becomes unimportant bc aaaaa!! she! is the arcanist! Dagna! im so happy and proud(?) she went and reached her goals x)

anyways that’s all for now, laters

some random updates:

so i did the halamshiral and gave up to my “stick to the character” mode, and nothing went my way, but that’s life. Met morrigan! i almost forgot she appears lol. And, despite also jumping on the wagon of give-morrigan-better-clothes train, i have to admit seeing her in her old clothes was a relief after that dress at the ball. It’s not the way the dressed looked, but the way she moved in it... god im shallow

i also initially didn’t like morrigan being at orlais court of all places, but after the conversation that’s supposed to explain why she’s there i’m kinda ok with it. I mean, i still need some more info. Wouldn’t Tevinter be better? she’d practically become a magister overnight if she got this good in the game so fast. It’s also unconvincing how everyone knows everything in orlais but somehow nobody connected that the random kid that has no bakcground whatsoever with morrigan who keeps checking on him? But at skyhold she’s just “hey i have a kid, he’s no trouble, right?” but hey, it’s morrigan. She can do anything. I’ll just have another story idea in my head.

Then there was news of the new divine that could be either cassandra or leliana and i don’t honestly know whom to choose. I’d prefer leliana over cassandra simply bc cassandra is more of a military mind, while the position of the divine would be more political. But lately every mission with leliana was spy spy, kill kill... Do we really want that for a religious leader? On the other hand, it would nicely round up her story from origins to inquisition... But cassandra is more of a public figure than leliana is...

when cassandra said:

“I want to respect the tradition, but not fear change. I want to right the past wrongs, but not avenge them. And I have no idea if wanting any of them makes them right.”

great moment. She’s usually so convinced and rash, i forget she’s more doubtful and open minded than what she looks like. Everything about cassandra is different from the impression she gives ;__; I love her so so so so much. (when she says she considers the inquisitor her friend i melted, next time varric pulls up the “seeker has no friends” joke, my heart will no longer be breaking).

I did a bunch of personal missions. Some were cool, some were ????. Also there were war table missions with zevran, that was cool. Also i love the codex entries in skyhold. The archery competition with varric banned? Dancing lessons failing bc lace harding is on the move all the time? Perfect.

And i met chargers, i like them, and aaah that staff-bow from the trailer is such a cool idea ;A;

What i don’t get with bull’s chargers is - they’re a mercenary group right? But isn’t swordselling seen as the complete misunderstanding of the qun? I get only bull is qunari, but he’s the leader of them? How is that not frowned upon?

And lastly, i don’t think i’ve said this, but i love that they added codex entries in the loading screens. love it.

update

After months of procrastination, i have faced my fears and have met alistair. it was very anticlimatic beating 11 level monsters when i was level 21...

but.. ALISTAIR TAT He’s changed... but not changed... but changed! Like, his personality is the same, but he’s more serious, doesn’t run from responsibilities, isn’t as bitter as hawke (also, why do i get impression that i am supposed to get the impression that they’re friends? they’ve met like, once, and talked for less than a minute.. whatevs. let’s pretend they’ve met again when on the run), i really love the inquisition alistair ;;__;;

Also, i managed to get that awkward demon baby family reunion :D

know that morrigan says the vaguest generic thing “i told him his father was a good man” bc of various world states, but i also think she’s come a long way not to mock alistair, and then when he notices that she didn’t use the opportunity he mentions that the kid changed her and she’s like “pfft, yea right, you wish”....

... when she was the one who said that in the first place ;;__;;

Awwww :> I love that they bicker but softly. Kids have grown up :’) Anyways, when will alistair start paying alimony

The only weird one is Leliana bc when morrigan was introduced she was like “danger danger” (smth i’d sooner think alistair would do), and when alistair is (supposedly) in skyhold, Leli doesn’t even mention him, only hawke. bruh, what were they to you, you almost died together ;;__;;

oh i also slayed a dragon. I didn’t even want to fight that dragon. It was a hillarious feat of inquisitor, solas, cole and blackwall, all on level 21, having to chug all the health potions right at the beginning while fighting a dragon that was... level 13, after which i just let go of controls and suddenly everyone was hella good at fighting and slayed it (only cole needed revival several times).

And, befitting the wild-dream feel that it had, when i got back to skyhold and visited companions, suddenly i was drinking pelin with iron bull, and he’s reminiscing on that fight with the dragon and i’m like

it was awful and you weren’t even there.

i forgot to update

but last time i was playing i finished the hawke/alistair sacrifice and all the torture i went through with deciding whom to sacrifice vanished bc frankly, at one moment, i wanted to sacrifice both of them, but in the end it was much more easier to sacrifice hawke bc inquisition hawke just didn’t feel like hawke to me, while alistair improved since the origins!

and now i remembered why i didn’t update, in the same day cassandra rejected me so i was sad and didn’t continue playing since then (i think last time i played it was around easter?)

new update

BLACKWALL!! or should i say Thom Rainier? Wow, what an arc! It was also so fun bc i was all strict mode, picking the third option, telling him his life is in inquisitor’s hands and all that, but in the end i set him free. He’s so good, a true knight T-T

Also i romanced sera. we’ll see how that goes.

Also, fave point in the game so far, i wanted, for so long, to sit at that val roeayoux (can’t spell) cafe and finally did it with cole’s personal mission. THANK YOU COLE YOU TRULY CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS.

another interesting thing was that after specialising as a reaver, cassandra said that drinking dragon blood makes you grow scales and become mad. Iron Bull said that inquisitor smells better bc dragon blood and that qunari generally smell better than humans. So i’m guessing qunari have fractions of dragon in them? ok...

and now i started that mission with morrigan and the puzzles are killing me lol, i am this 👌 close to just go chase calpernia and give up on a well of sorrows.

#it's a terrible time to start a dragon age game but it's the only time #meet me at val royeaux with my pal cole fixing people's lives every sunday 5 pm

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goodguydotmp3 · 3 years

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hi i came across ur answer about harry/his music, there was this -- "I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” I thought the same bcz his verse is so different & feels like it doesn't fit can you explain more about it if you'd like plz? thanks :)

SO I had to re-listen to the song for this ask and it was just as uncomfortable as the first time <3

Alright lets break this down.

I. General Feel

Okay so this song is. It’s just not a good song let me put it like that. It’s an pop R&B song, obviously meant to be at the very least sexy. You have three men that are known for their sexy pop/R&B lyics and/or songs, and somehow two of them forgot how to be sexy? make it make sense. Where is the romance? the ambiance? the vulnerability? No not like that Chris Brown.

And yes there were three other writers, but that just means there is even less of an excuse for this nonsense. It literally makes my skin crawl.

II. Lyrics

Girl bye.

a. Usher, what is you doing? He starts off the verse with

Come and ride on me like the waves I flip the pages 'cause I wrote the book On the way how to sex you up, sex you up We can do it like I'm on the stage, we'll have an audience Baby, I'll show you the way that I sex you up

When I tell you I could fucking scream. Who let Usher Raymond do this? I want names, phone numbers, and addresses.

This sounds juvenile. If someone rapped this over a Nitti Beat back in 2012 I would have thought this was fire. That’s how fucking childish this is. This can’t be the same man you used to sing stuff like “if you didn’t know you’re the only thing that’s on my mind, cause the way i’m starin at you makes me wanna give it to you all night” or “I’ve been waiting all day to wrap my hands around your waist and kiss your face” or “I’ll get you hot I know you oh so well”. now are those groundbreaking lyrics? No. But they sound leagues better then whatever the hell he was doing here, Especially in context, especially when he sung them but I wanna talk about that later.

Next point of contention is:

Or I can lick you up and down 'til you say You love how I eat on that pussy You just might go put a tat' on that pussy That says Usher, Usher There's no other, other (Yeah!) Damn girl, yeah, you got that juicy Love when I make you cum, I make it gushy One without the other I'm the champion lover, lover Fuck you to sleep, wake you up again (Oh) I go so deep, beat it up again (Oh) Girl, come and sit on my tongue again 'Cause I love to taste you, yeah

Would someone be so kind as to let me know when 2010 lil Jon possesed Usher? Or maybe it was 2008 Lil Wayne? 2012 Pitbull? Either way, 2016 Usher just aint got it like. Truly if this was being rapped in a club with the bass all the way up and the melody loud enough that you couldn’t hear it, I would be like “ okay maybe horny people wanna shake they ass” but this is supposed to be sexy? Who is this seducing????? Are they okay? Can they name the current President? How many fingers am I holding up?

Last of his verse is what really gets me heated like

I can tell you been eating your pineapples (Mmm) Girl, your pussy taste like pineapples (Oh) Girl, when I hit your G, you feel like you gon' pee Baby, cum for me

First off, pussy taste like pussy you fucking coward. Second, stop god modding you clearly don’t know all that if you still think pussy taste like pineapples. And this is that immaturity coming back into play I feel like, who is this song for? Not adults. Not like this. I feel like I can’t over emphasize that this man had been putting out original music for 26 years. 26! Not only are your fans too old for this nonsense, but you should be a master song writer! I know this song came out in 2016 but that’s still over 20 years of experience.

b. Chris Brown

Huh, now where you been? It's been a year Baby, I ain't seen you, you know I miss you (Oh, woah) Baby, let me love you back to sleep once more And I know we don't speak no more (Oh) But I just wanna tell you I'm sorry (Hey!) For fucking 'round with Keisha and MaKayla (Huh) For all the Georgia peaches in Decatur For all these bitches in the elevator I just want you to love me (Yeah, yeah) Yeah, baby, don't test me (Huh), you know I'll do it You want me to say your name, girl? Okay, Karrueche

I Just

What...praytell...is sexy or romantic about...anything said there.

See this is what I was talking about in my other post, He completely misunderstands what it means to white a love song , but more than that, to be vulnerable. Saying you’re a cheating whore and begging for forgiveness in this manner is not actually apologizing for your actions, it’s just airing your dirty laundry.

If he wants to do that then fine I guess?? But I feel like he wasn't. Like, the idea totally reminds me of Charlene, Wherein Anthony Hamilton name drops his lover and begs her to come back to him. The thing about Hamilton’s song is that he doesn’t sound like a manipulative ass for one. Hamilton makes it clear there were several places he knows he fell short in the relationship, and in the end, he doesn’t make it out to be a callout post, but he does let her know that he intends to wait for her should she come back, and then promises to change his behavior. This is not that at all. When Beyoncé and Alicia Keys said Say you love me and Put it in a Love Song, This is not what they meant.

ALSO DON’T REFER TO WOMEN AS BITCHES

c. Zayn

Baby, just stay comfortable, I want you as you are Baby, just lay there naked waiting for me Let's not get emotional, let's be who we are Can we do that? Can we do that? Can we? Know it's been a long day, it's 'bout to be a long night So keep your eyes closed 'til I roll through So, baby, when you're feeling like a woman in the sheets Somebody splitting your knees, don't worry that's me I'm over here putting work in Baby, you ain't gotta tell me what you want

Am I Floored? No. Is this his best work? Also no. Is it a helluva lot better than whatever the fuck Usher and Chris B thought they were doing here? Hell yes. The vulnerability! The pleading! The fucked up headspace! This verse has it all!

III. The way the song is sung

terribly Let me start there. Wtf was usher trying to do here. The lyrics were chringy, and so was the delivery. It felt choppy as hell. Like who is fucking to this? Asking for a friend. WHo is aroused by an usher vulva tat

we need to have words.

second Chis Brown sounds like a whiney piss baby I really hope no one actually paid for that song thinking they were getting a sexy R&B hit and got that.

Zayn sounds fine on this song, like the tone is overall bittersweet, but it matches the lyrics.

okay the last thing I want to talk about is the chorus. after hearing the verses It really doesn’t match. It’s a really basic premise I feel and Usher and CB felt like they were on another song in between the chorus. Like In Sex Room, Ludacris talks a really big game, and the chorus is really simple, but It’s literally all about what he plans to do in said “Sex room”, Usher like someone told him he was gonna be singing a sex song and then went back and put a line that tied to the song at the last minute if that makes sense?

and then CB....okay.

The last thing I wanna say about Chris Brown is I actually listened to the original song, thinking maybe the original was also trash. No actually? It’s not the best, not even by Chris B standards but its not bad like?? Who let him but out this remix monstrosity?

Anyway, I actually have a Sexy R&B playlist if you’re looking for something...better. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t all romantic, but they’re damn sure sexy, and way better that wtf this song has going on

#chris brown #usher #Zaynie to the max #I got carried away lol #lemme know if you have questions :>

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shabba-zams · 4 years

Text

I'M NO MANIAC

Hold big regard for kinship, tradition and culture, I could give a lecture

I'm sky high - herbivore, like a turkey vulture I'm a carnivore

Canibal, I mean omnivore coz I love greens, like Popeye And Spinach, I lick bean

Flick flick, root Chakra, keep you grounded, kiss your forehead, illumination

Wham bam, burn incense this instant

Smoke in house, reminisce about my late aunt, Eugenia

Healing from a heartbreak of a love that never happened

Should never happen, wait what just happened?

You a bad bitch, downward doggy, hit it from the back, is that good B?

Meow-moo, look at that arch, Doja, Cat-Cow mi amor

Heart's aching, beneath I'm hurting although surface looks perfect

Instantly regretting the mistake I made, egghead getting laid

I was broke, couldn't think straight, Im still great, it's just that I hate

Constantly stressing, hope you not late, I'm Wylin, red fox

Sorry mate, don't put me on the spot unless we hot box

You a hot mess, you burn, guilt trip, in hell I burn, 12 stroke soul snatcher, soul searching,N2O, inhale, I burn, I'm trippin

My goodness, Zulu goddess, Tsonga royalty in her DNA, your highness hello, hi, my love I profess

Pussy power tricking, that tightness, finesse crazy like madness, she drippin

Her cookie jar I'm Double dippin, like yes ya, I praise ya, I'm smitten

You praise Ja, pet name for your small pussy... Poor lil kitten

Obsessed With fitness, admire her loyalty, I stay under her spell

First We gel, then repel, we then rebel, plz say you could not tell I fell for you girl!

I confess, your strange quirks remind me of my old ex

Guardian angel, I see your halo, okay bye! In darkness you my star

Naledi always shine bright, never dim light, eyes can adjust right?

No girl, tell me how could I not fall for you girl?

If I see you all day and night? Medicate then meditate

Last and first light I see you, it's hard to wake me up, ICU

Namaste, send u love and light. Hugging u gud nyt then imma go unless it's midnight, my pants is tight right and u hug me tight tight cutie, in my ear, QTip, u whisper get the light, deep throat gimme the green light, tonight you looking so tasty

It's not right, lockdown got me all thirsty, see, I'm nasty

I'll eat you out, gimme a big tip, face chair, take a sit please

Gangsta champagne, notorious bubbles I sip sip, are you pleased?

You a tall glass of sexy B, I mean u sassy B, sexy beast I gotta drink, drunk

In love with your positive energy, you love the inner me and you know I'm not the enemy, I love you

Juju, like bad energy, shoo shoo, telling me to go, I don't go

Feeling ur feng shui imbalance, tryinna find balance, yoga

So much green in my blood stream, feelin like Hulk or Yoda

I'm 1 with the force, a gulf stream directing ur flow, go

Heavy flow that weigh a ton, period. I go deep, you flow deep like the Nile, you lovin it

Tid bit in denial, plz don't judge unless you take a 9 mile walk if the shoe fit

Wise mentor, needed to blow off steam, oh no you make me sing, I never meant to...

I'm spiritual, Ultralight beam, living the life of Pablo, green

I see no light, stuck in the dark, this don't feel right

Fight what I feel, fight! I know you like what I write, right? I'm still Steve like Biko, because I write what I like

You're spiritual, Ivy crown it'll be alright, fight!

Where you been? Spiritual journey, Wrote you a song of love, don't panic, it's platonic agape kind

You're kind, im sorry, please forgive me, God bless us

Never meant to sex ya, sext ya, yes ya I never meant to

Hurt ya, my day 1 let me be in your team, I'm your hype man and you my wing man, who knew, man?

I'm a new man, never wanna be in u ma'am, that's Truman, like Harry

Like Harriet, You talk truth ma'am, ur woke now, mental slavery chain breaker

Lead, take leash, give me my freedom, Tubman. Ass like Baartman, I'm joking, I'm through man!

Is it true man? You got a new man?

I'm glad you found uThando & Peace!

I see your glow in the dark , I watch you grow, from head to toe

Lock down, No sexercise, just exercise, oblique workout, body shaping up, you shake shit up

Look down, fvck shit up, I fantasize under the mistletoe, kiss kiss that phat pet peeve,

I mean the size of that cameltoe, kiss kiss like it's NYs Eve

Family Feud like Steve, We lip lock, she bad bad like Eve

Stuck with you like gridlock, bad bitch my ride or die!

The love you show, I dunno who to tell that u just ring my bell

Blue balls, plain torture, ungshaya ding dong, that just rings wrong

Playing mind games like ping pong, saw my dp then ask for my dick pic like "Big Z u got big dick print"

I tell her to quit playin and show her it's just resting, I'm a grower

Picture a Big black gun in your hand, click glock

Lick big black cock in my hand, and get a big tip

Love your big tats,small tits, nip slip, vrm vrm, you own me like pinkslip

4 play lick clit, that pink pink

Big lie like, just the tip, truth is I just wanted to hit twice, then dip twice like, dip dip

Double Pussy grip, like grip grip

Our late night tap dance routine like

Double tap like, tip-clit-grip-grip, skip, tip-clit-grip-grip

Sending mixed signals, wearing no bra, black tank top, Grey gym pants, exciting my BBC then saying NO BRA!

Apple bong is crack bong, big flop wearing your pink flip flops, I need a drink,J walk drunk, hit, bong, bang, drive, buy smoke, fly, sky, high five, YouTube The Fives, whats the matter? GBV

All lives including those you call low lives matter, no 1 deserves murder.

Deep chats kid, Katt Williams crack me up, have a break Kit Kat

I'm a lil sad but real glad u not mad at me brick brack, red fox

Need my quick fix, Red on Netflix like Raymond, cross you off my hitlist, at least at last, the blacklist, NBC

No chick flicks miss, unless you aiming to get this, BBC

I don't aim, shoot shot once and don't miss, easy, ABC

Cupid tryinna shoot me dead but misz, shit shot, no Mrs, thank God

Thot thought she a hot shot coz she smoke pot, no BS she not hot

Cold as horse shit that's not hot, bust a nut, I might not

I'm a lit lad who thinks they a big bad, Wolf, with a sick head

You heard? Sometimes it's hard when u in my bed, think with other head instead like getting head

Play dead after I beat meat, you knock-knock, I'm cumin, you come in, your bad timing is not charming

I see myself in you, pun intended, idea planted in my head

For real tho, I see your hoeish ways, long gone are my hoeish days

Sometimes I think u poison like Ivy, I'm batman, no avengers

Scavengers, a mad woman and a bad man, Savages in our own league

First punch throwers, they hate us, crack bong hitters, they not us, we avenge us,

You lead, I school ya, screw ya, liquids in ur insides like IV

Drip drip, said fuck it, big deal, do u even care how I feel? Bad state of mind, took shrumz, now I'm havin a bad trip

Craving a road trip, cruze down memory lane, replay bad clip, is it weird that I loved that silhouette video? Press play

Get liquid withit

Going toe-to-toe, I kill and bury Big Trill, made my 1st mil

Then blew it, dead lyricist, I'm just a ghost writer

I see changes, a stoner girl turn to a rave girl as the nyt ages

I once told her, trust the rock of ages like John

Serial killer with rage on Pages, I was angry at God like Sean

Now i'm easy like solving for X- Kid'o,

That's annoying, ward off tiny mosquito

Go against me, that's a non starter, kiss my ass lips

I talk shit, no stutter or slight lisp like L-Tido

In the city of gold its all or nothing, that's a no brainer

No brain huh? Black lip bastard, faith like mustard seed

Don't call me bastard, transform to Luke Cage then hit rib Cage like

Nicholas, can't stop me like an urban legend... Ghost rider

I sound fictitious like ghost busters, but I'm quite real like Klingon

I stick like glue, here's a clue:

Day of the week: Monday

Feeling: baby Blue and itchy

Scratch my balls I'm jiggy, sweet melanin black queen like B

Fluent in your love language B, catch 22, paradoxical

Hypocritical, stereotypical, philosophical.

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itsanerdlife · 6 years

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Captivated (MC Series) 4

Pairing: Biker!Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Merlin, Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Scott Lang, Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, Michelle Unwin, Frank Castle, Roxy, (Mentions of) Harry Hart, OFC Logan and Markus, Tony Stark, Charlie Hesketh.

Warnings: Swearing, creepy boss, a girl who can handle her own, stalking, creepy guy, law breaking, random hook ups mentioned, angst, sass, drama, cops involved, sexual harassment (nothing happens tho promise), melt downs, and allegations of abuse.

In your town there is a Biker club Called Kings Rebels, you weren’t a good girl and you surely weren’t a biker girl, or were you? One night changes everything in your life. You started that night out as a hostel waitress who works in Stark Tavern, one ass grab and a sucker punch later, did you just slip the Pres of a Biker Club, Eggsy Unwin, your work hours? But is MC life for you, being an old lady? When your faith is tested for the club, they follow through with everything Eggsy promised you. Will your world stay upside down since walking into the Clubhouse, or do you fit into their lifestyle more than you ever thought possible??

“Drink?” He smirks at her, she surely wasn’t like the other girls. At least none that he had ever fucked with. He pats the bar top next to him, she mauls over the idea for a moment, before nodding sitting down next to him, he turns facing the bar with her.

“Sure.” She smirks, as he leans forward, resting on his fore arms. “Wow, your tattoos are amazing.” She perks up, her eyes roaming over his tattoo sleeve.

“Thanks.” Peter smirks, twisting tops off two bottles. She looks up a little confused, looking from Peter to him.

“Your welcome?” Her brow connects.

“Peter is our club tattoo artist. He’s basically tatted everyone in here.” Eggsy glances around the room, Peter nods.

“Really?” She grins, and suddenly pouts. “I feel left out.” Her lips turning up into a grin again.

“Do you have any?” Peter looks at her.

“Just the heart. Turned 18, decided to get something meaningful.” She snorts, putting her wrists together, just above the wrist bone she had two halves of a black heart on her skin.

“Two halves?” Eggsy looks at her.

“You know, the saying, wear your heart on your sleeve, and it’ll never be whole.” She nods. “I learned that a long time ago.” She pushes her lips together.

“Shame you and Nat have plans tonight.” He chuckles, watching her.

“Why’s that?” She holds his gaze, making him swallow hard, a little unnerved by her. She was challenging him, and he wasn’t sure how to take that.

“I’m sure Peter wouldn’t object to breaking out his gear.” He nods looking at Peter who grins.

“Tattooing someone other than these assholes, is a rare and fun treat.” He was helping Eggsy challenge her, backing his friend. She chews the inside of her lip, thinking it over.

“I’m game.” A grin spreading across her lips.

“Got to run up to my room and grab my stuff.” Peter nods. “Watch the bar.” He laughs, walking away.

“Oh that’s something I can do like a champ.” She stands up, sitting on the bar quickly, she turns herself around slipping off the top and landing behind the bar.

“What you didn’t get enough working for Stark?” Nat laughs walking over with Buck.

“Well maybe this time I won’t have a perverted, old guy undressing me with his eyes.” You shrug.

“Don’t bet on that one.” Sam grins at her. “I’m Sam.” He puts his hand out for her to shake.

“Y/N.” She shakes his hand. “Yeah well I don’t think your Pres is a perverted old guy.” A cocky smirk on her lips.

“I’m far from old love.” He winks at her.

“Perverted?” She tips her head, opening beer bottles as she looks at him.

“I prefer the term sexually suggestive.” He winks at her, making her laugh.

“Alright.” Peter steps back down the stairs looking at Y/N. “Where do you want it?” He gives her a wicked grin, knowing full well Peter was joking with her.

“Want what?” Nat looks around.

“Y/N’s getting tatted.” Eggsy grins. This might just be the girl he hoped for, just maybe she could handle the MC life and those apart of it. She didn’t scare easy, she liked a good challenge and she clearly held her own better than most girls he’d come around. Perhaps it was time he made it clear to the club he wanted her for himself?

You handed your phone to Peter allowing him to look over the picture you’d picked for your tattoo. He nods, sketching roughly into his notebook.

“Shirt, gotta go.” Peter nods, looking at his notebook and your phone. You pause looking at him surprised, before realizing you were wearing a T-shirt, no shit your shirt had to go. You look at Nat who sat on Buck’s lap, in one of the chairs.

“Swap.” You grin at her. Her loose fitted black tank top left open shoulders for Peter to work.

“Deal, but you might not get it back.” She grins standing up. She pulls the top over her head, leaving her in a black bra. You shake your head, smirking at her, you pull your black T-shirt over your head, leaving you standing in your jean shorts and red lace bra. There is a round of hoots and applause for you and Nat, making the two of you roll your eyes, swapping fabric. You pull the material over your head, as you look up Eggsy has a smile playing on his lips, green eyes burning holes into you. You flush under his gaze, what did a bad ass, gorgeous, biker club president, want with a hostel waitress?

“Alright, ready?” You grin at Peter, who looks up at you.

“Need a shot or something?” He grins, something knowing in that grin.

“No. Why?” You tip your head watching him.

“This isn’t going to feel the best.” He chuckles.

“You think my wrists felt great?” Your brows slip up.

“Just warning you.” He laughs, ushering you into a chair. “Don’t move.” He chuckles as he clicks the gun, you hear the buzzing as it comes to life. You were stuck in exactly this position, Eggsy sitting right in front of you, only a few feet away, both of you straddling your chairs, your hands grip the back of yours, his chin rests on his arm, a smirk on his lips. Great you could play eye fucking games with the Pres while you were branded by one of his goons. What the fuck did you just get yourself into? Ehh it wasn’t the worst situations you’d been in, then again, you’d never been involved with a biker gang.

“What do we have here?” an accent mixed with curiosity speaks over the group. You turn your head looking away from Eggsy as about five girls walk in, all sporting ink and looking like the girls you’d seen here at the fights. Nat called them tarts, they were girls that hung around and slept with the members, or in some cases just took care of them and the clubhouse.

One in the far back watched you closely, her eyes slipping from you to Eggsy, she licked her lips, running a hand through her black hair, before she returned to staring daggers at you. Fuck, he was hitting this tart and you were stepping on toes. If Peter didn’t have a needle to your skin, you would have jumped up and walked out of the club without a glance back, only you were trapped. Clenching your jaw, you stare down at the club floor, concentrating on the buzzing in Peter’s hand.

Captivated: @mo320 @rileyloves5 @irepeldirt @travelwithwords @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @lesmiserablememelovingfuck @taylorjacksonandtheolympians @lovemarvelousfics @mrskokitztelford @live-for-the-avengers @shamptainshmerica @misspygmypie @mariekoukie6661 @bluebird214 @allyp1023 @sarahp879 @nerdyandexhausted @i-love-superhero @supernatural-girl97 @petersunderroos @kazuha159 @sweet-honey15 @ingridsigne @red-writer13

#Cross Over #Eggsy Unwin x Reader #Kingsman Avengers #Eggsy x Reader #Captivated #MC Series #Eggsy Unwin AU Series #Kingsman Avengers AU Series #Eggsy AU Series #Cross Over AU Series

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spiritgriffon · 7 years

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Rachael’s Favorite FE Characters

Well, since I posted my favorite Pokemon... everything a while ago, I figured I’d post my favorite FE characters class-by-class as well! I’ll also post my least favorites.

The games I own are Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Shadow Dragon, New Mystery on an emulator, Awakening, Heroes, all 3 Fates & Echoes. I’ve played a bit of FE4 too but I’m not far enough into it to pick favorite characters.

Favorite Lord:

Male- Chrom (He’s pretty vanilla but I still love me my Blueberry Dorklord)

Female- Erika (Who is not NEARLY as foolish as recent entries would have you believe. She’s quite a bit better than Celica at any rate- there’s no way she’d fall for fkn JEDAH)

Least Favorite- Ephraim (He’s such a... warmonger. There is no point in the entirety of SS where I go “Yes, he’ll make a good king!”)

Favorite Avatar

Robin! Robin’s the best. Robin has the best coat. Do I need to say more?

Well, I guess I’ll say too that Robin’s personality is quite a bit like my own, which is why I prefer Fem!Robin. I too, would relentlessly pelt Lon’qu with figs and, when faced with unwinnable odds would, just resort to a Big Fire™

Least favorite goes to... IDK, I want to say Kiran but Kiran can marry Navarre so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Cavalier/Paladin/Great Knight

Seth wins, but Xander and Berkut are close seconds. Seth/Erika is my ultimate FE OTP- they’re the only ones in the whole series I can’t even bear to pair with anyone else for a playthrough to get their supports. I like Xander/Corrin and Xander/Sakura quite a bit, but neither come anywhere close honestly. And Berkut is my angry garbage son~

Least favorite goes to Jagan. You honestly think I’m going to kill Frey who arguably has better stat growths than both Cain and Abel and keep you? Screw canon, off you go, old man!

Favorite Myrmidon/Swordsmaster/Trueblade

Joushua, obviously!

...

I mean, Navarre doesn’t really count because he’s my favorite FE character PERIOD. Besides Navarre, I like Joshua.

Least favorite is Marissa. Not that crazy about Mia either, but Marissa is just so inferior to Josh stats wise and while he’s tons of fun, she’s no fun at all. If she were in another game it’d different but Joshua makes her look really bad in comparison. Plus she took his spot in Awakening AND I’M STILL SALTY 4 YEARS LATER

Favorite Mercenary/Hero/Dreadfighter

Navarre in FE1

Ike!... Yes, I’m counting him here... Oh fine, Ogma then. They’re both big gay softies that are 40% pure iron muscle and 60% heart. I bet they give the best hugs!

(And no, I don’t believe Ogma’s “feelings” for Caeda are in any way romantic bc he met her when she was like 5 and he was probably 20. He probably feels like her big brother or father- which is equally impossible for him to express due to his lot in life. Plus, Marth never gets jealous around him, while he practically turns green around any of the other characters interested in her.)

(Oh, and I consider Soren to be the more canon partner for Ike over Sothe and Ranulf bc Priam is a thing and I’m like 70% sure Soren is supposed to be trans. And yes, there is a canon lesbian whose name is currently escaping me & Sothe is canonically bi, they just went with the “heavy implied to the point of being basically irrefutable” route instead of outright stating it, so it is VERY possible Soren is trans. I like all 3 ships tho)

Least favorite is... The dude from SS. I can’t even remember his name. He’s the only freaking mercenary in SS and his personality doesn’t do anything for me.

Favorite Knight/General/Baron

The Black Knight of course! His writing is bit... a lot of a mess, but you can’t deny how badass he is.

On a less villainous note, Forsythe is pretty cool too.

Least favorite is... IDK, was there one in Awakening? I thought there was one on the cover but he’s so forgettable...

Favorite Archer/Sniper/Ballistician/Bow Knight/Hunter

Tacomeme :)

Leon is also pretty cool, but he’s not nearly as useful in-game. I like Niles too! But I’d be lying if I said a good part of that wasn’t bc of Takehito Koyasu and his sexy voice rip

Least favorite is Faye in Heroes Python’s inability to hit the broad side of a barn Zero’s stupid name change to Niles Innes. His stats are nice but his personality rubs me the wrong way.

Favorite Pegasus/Falcon Knight/Sky/Kinshi Knight

Probably Claire! I didn’t expect to like her much (I got Maribelle vibes at first), but she really grew on me throughout the game and her supports. I love the way her friendship with Alm was written- if it had evolved into a romance I would have found it believable, but it’s one of the VERY, VERY few times I think IntSys has handled a one sided crush on the main character well.

Least favorite is... Probably Cordelia. Like I said, VERY few times. (Vanessa, Sumia, Syrene, Palla, Catria, Est, Hinoka, Subaki, Tanith and Sigrun all tie for second to last. This is... not my favorite class.)

Favorite Dracoknight/Wyvern Rider/Wyvern Lord

Hmmm... I would say Camilla, but my headcanon version of her is quite a bit different from the way she actually is in canon lol. So... Probably promoted Caeda. Minerva is utterly useless on the battlefield, unfortunately, and I like Caeda about the same as Clare so I put her here.

I guess I like Haar, Jill, Cormag, Gwin, and Valter (As a villain, not as a person) somewhat too.

Least favorite has to go to Beruka. I find her... bland.

Favorite Villager/Recruit

AMELIA THE GENERAL IS COMING THROUGH! MAKE WAY, MORTALS

Do I need to say who my least favorite is? Do I really need to?

It’s Faye. Because... she’s Faye.

Favorite Thief/Trickster/Assassin/Rogue/Ninja

That has to go to Julian! He’s very similar to Gaius, but instead of candy, his thing is puns. Fun fact: I have a blood sugar condition similar to diabetes IRL that makes me unable to eat sugar, so Gaius just made me crave sweets I can’t have most of the time :/

Second place goes to Gangrel or Rennac. Gangrel is actually my second favorite character to romance in Awakening due to his great redemption arc in his supports with both Robins & his talks with Em in the DLC, and IMO he makes the second best dad to Morgan (And yes, I have ALL of male Morgan’s supports with his fathers, yes, it was boring, repetitive, and took hours, and yes, the only one I like better is Chrom), and Rennac is just... so hilariously cranky. They also both go in the “They deserved better in their endings” bin- Rennac can’t marry L’rachel despite their great chemistry and Gangrel flat-out dies if you don’t marry him.

Least favorite... I guess Nina. I never found her very funny.

Favorite Cleric/Troubadour/Valkyrie/Bishop/War monk

Elise! She is... one of two healers I like. In the entire series.

The other is L’rachel.

And Sakura, Lissa, Natasha, and Rena I... don’t particularly dislike.

I don’t like any others. Tat/iana is the worst of the bunch. Tat/iana is actually my least favorite character in the series

Favorite Fighter/Pirate/Warrior/Barbarian

Maybe... Vaike or Ross? Or Boyd? Basilio? Wow, there aren’t any I really like a lot. Guess this is my least favorite class.

My least favorite of all HAS to be Arthur though.

Favorite Mage/Monk/Dark Knight/Sage

Soren! He’s really well written. At first he comes off as a racist asshole, but as the game goes on & you get his supports, he proves himself to be a really great, three-dimensional character. And he’s so gay for Ike. Like, so, so gay.

Least favorite is all of the little red-headed boys that are clones of each other. Except maybe Ewan, because he’s actually useful in-game. Most of the others aren’t.

Favorite Dark Mage/Sorcerer/Summoner/Necromancer/Druid/Witch/Cantor

LYON!!!! Oh man, I don’t want to spoil exactly what happens but suffice to say that he is my FAVORITE antagonist in the series.

My least favorite is either Validar or Iago... I don’t know which to pick. They are how NOT to do a decent sorcerer villain in FE. But all of the Cantors in Echoes also get a special mention for being FREAKING ANNOYING.

Favorite Manakete/Dragon Laguz

Tiki- particularly young Tiki! She’s so sweet... and badass!

Least favorite... ugh, I have to say Myrrh. I do like her, but her uses of Dragonstone are so limited that you can barely use her and while she’s just as cute as Tiki, she’s not nearly as tough. She also has a lot sadder story than Tiki- she’s a really good character, but she just doesn’t make me feel bubbly and happy when I see her the way Tiki does.

Favorite Beast Laguz/Bird Laguz/Taguel/Wolfskin/Kitsune

All hail King Naesala! He’s another character that brings a smile to my face when I see him-and that’s saying quite a bit, since he has a pretty serious story. This man oozes personality- He shows up on screen and you know he’s there to kick the world and rule the ass. And no, that’s not backwards.

Honorable mention to Reyson- every time these two are on screen together you know that Reyson is about three seconds from punching Naesala right in the nose, never mind the fact he’d probably break every bone in his tiny, fragile fist. The fact that Naesala’s only paired ending is with Reyson’s sister is just hilarious to me.

I guess my least favorite is Lyre... She sort of feels like she’s just there to have one more playable character to me, since she has so little bearing on the story.

Favorite Dancer/Singer

In terms of personality, supports, and gameplay, Feena is far and away my favorite. However... I’m honestly not a huge fan of her design, so in terms of appearance, Azura, who I personally think has one of the best designs in the series, takes the cake. The fact she has such a catchy theme song is a huge bonus too!

Tethys gets the last spot because she’s completely useless in battle. I’ve heard Ninian can’t fight either but she boosts your stats- why did they give Tethys the shaft so badly?

Favorite Lancer/Soldier

And finally... ending this on a weird one. See, neither Nephenee nor Oboro do anything for me- I don’t dislike them, but I don’t particularly like them either. So, I guess this one goes to Azura!

#fire emblem #Personal #OK to Reblog!#I hope somebody sees this it took 3 hours #And no I didn't really forget Kellam's name

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faithlovealyssa · 7 years

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5 Year Recap: Love Remains the Same

Five years later and here we are making a full circle, back to where we started.If you would have asked me five years ago where my life would be at right now, I don’t know what I would have told you, but I know it wouldn’t have been anything close to what is actually going on right now.

Quick recap: when I started this blog, I was madly in love with my high school sweetheart, Jason. I ruined our relationship by showing interest in another person (which was honestly for the best because I have learned so much about myself since then). By the time I fully committed to Jason being my only choice, it was much too late. I broke his heart and when I tried to put the pieces back together, he wouldn’t let me anywhere near them.

After losing my mom in 2012, I decided to take some time off of going to college to figure out my priorities. I have regrets about making this choice, but shit happens and you don’t dwell... you put on your big girl pants and move the fuck on. After dating a total loser named James my senior year of high school, I broke up with him, and decided to focus on myself. For almost four years now, I’ve managed to stay single (excluding sex obviously [I said I needed to focus on myself not punish myself, judge me jeez]). This may not seem like a big deal... but four whole years single is a major accomplishment for me.

Anyways, after having a huge falling out with my dad in September 2015, I moved in with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was a bittersweet choice to move away from my dad, but I honestly think it’s the smartest decision I ever made to save the little bit of relationship we have left. Even though I moved 30 minutes further from my job, I continued to work at the Tilted Kilt in Joliet. I met some of the best friends I ever could have asked for there. I also met a guy there, Bobby. The moment I laid eyes on this guy I knew he was 100% my type (a complete fuck boy that loves to play games). After getting to know him better, I boldly *girl power* gave him my phone number without him even asking (who the fuck am I and what have I done with myself? LIKE FOR REAL, GO ME!!) The more time I spent with Bobby, the more infatuated I became with him. I thought about him all the time and got so comfortable with him so quick, I almost didn’t know how to act. He was the total package, fine as fuck (and I mean FINE like for real GOD DAMN), tatted (tatted), funny, older, interested in the same things as me, a cop (can you say sexy?!), and only lived 20 minutes from me (can you say convenient??). He was all around perfect, EXCEPT he was missing one key trait... he didn’t even for one millisecond give a flying fuck about me at all. He loved being with me, and taking me places and showing me off, and you guessed it.. he LOVED fucking me, but not once did he ever look at me and make me feel like all the time I had been investing wasn’t going to waste. And the reason behind that is because it was. Once I finally took off the blinders and popped the stupid bubble I was walking around in, I came to my senses and ended things. I won’t lie, it was hard.. fuck it was really hard. But it was the right thing to do and I know I am better because of it.

In June of 2016 I moved into my very first apartment, paid for completely by me. (I am currently patting myself on the back for this one) I have one roommate, Katelyn, who at times [always] made living with her very difficult. BUT in May of 2017 I will be moving with my bestfriend Lily (oh beeteedubs forgot to mention I got myself a dog in December of 2016) to CHICAGO!!! I am more than excited for a fresh start and also full of pride for being able to push myself to make my dreams come true.

With all of these changes that have taken place over the years, you would think that everything is different, and for the most part this is true, but one thing that’s still the same... FIVE. YEARS. LATER. - Jason.

You’ve heard time and time again that every time he comes home, we somehow (almost) always end up hooking up, then he leaves again and I’m heartbroken for the 8657876473684th time (lowkey this number probably isn’t too far off, I’ve had my heart broken by Jason more times than I thought possible). Well this Christmas was the LAST straw (do you believe me?). SO before he even came home we both decided to put all of our differences aside for the sake of our sanity at social events (we still have all the same friends) and just because it was the mature thing to do. After we worked out the kinks, I was thrilled, this was the first time since EVER that we actually had a stable foundation for a friendship to actually form. When he first came home for Christmas break he met me and a bunch of my friends out at the bars one night and would you believe it... It couldn’t have gone better. It was as if we had been friends for years. My friends were shocked (I mean obviously because they’ve heard about how we can barely even be in the same room without biting each other’s head off) they couldn’t believe how well the night had went and quite frankly, neither could I. But of course, all good things must come to an end. Not even a whole week later all of my friends got together on December 23rd to have an ugly Christmas sweater party. From the moment I walked in the door I thought I had the fucking plague or that the holiday mules were making me invisible because I swear it’s like I wasn’t even there. Hours later I get word that Jason’s doing “Jason” things per usual and is proclaiming he can “have Alyssa whenever he wants”. Well, I REALLLLLY hope he wasn’t planning on getting laid after that party because he could not have picked a worse day to kick a girl when she’s down. I mean come on, CHRISTMAS FUCKIN EVE, of all the days he had to pick Christmas fuckin’ Eve. I felt a piece of my heart crumble up and break off after that, because that, in my book, is what I consider a low fucking blow. After some *choice* words, I made myself abundantly clear that the last time I saw him was the very last time I ever wanted to see him and he heard me loud and clear.

The first month passed and I was so proud of myself for sticking to my guns and not forgiving Jason when [clearly] he didn’t deserve anymore forgiveness. I gotta admit tho, this one stung different than the other times. It really felt like he did this one to ensure I would really be hurting this time, that the pain would stick. Well fuck Jason, this pain stuck. About two months later, I was at his house visiting with his mom (for just a few minutes) and right as I was walking out the door there comes Jason (and no I wasn’t seeing things) walking down the stairs. I swear to God in my past life I must have been a terrible person because God just loves to punish me. When I saw his face, my heart dropped into my stomach and I was at a loss for words. So I quickly said hello and practically ran out the door. Two days later I got a “Jason” apology, genuine as all hell and late as fuck at night (drunk? probably *rolls eyes*). So what did I do?

Option 1: Melted like putty in his hands and forgave him [ugh typical Alyssa]

Option 2: Accepted the apology but stuck to my word and continued to ask him to leave me alone [not. a. chance.]

Oh but I did follow through with option 2!! Five years is plenty of time to teach yourself some lessons, so I decided to try a different approach to a reoccurring issue and see if I could get some different results. Well guess what?! A few days after new and improved Alyssa decided to take over, Gabriella calls to tell me she has been waiting since NEW YEARS EVE to see me in person and tell me while Jason was drunk as fuck he basically poured his heart out about me to her.

CAN I JUST ASK IN WHAT LAND ANYBODY THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP INFORMATION THIS IMPORTANT FROM ME FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS?!?! After a deep breath and a blunt, I realized it had already been five fuckin years what’s a couple more months? But almost immediately after this information was revealed to me, I was recanting every word I said to Jason and telling him I needed to talk to him face to face. He agreed and decided we would see each other when he came back from his deployment... in October (ok fine what’s eight more months when it’s already been five years?)

HA HA HA.. I said MOST things in my life changed, not that hell froze over and heaven gave me patience. I decided I couldn’t wait any more so I booked myself a flight to sunny California so we can settle this one way or another, once and for all.

I’ve spent the last three weeks thinking about what I can say to get him to open up and allow himself to be vulnerable around me, and for as well as I know him (which is sometimes better than he knows himself) I keep coming up short. I want to reiterate that I KNOW the cycle of hurting each other started with me hurting him. It started when I made him feel like he was not enough. But I also want to clarify that even though I may not have realized it at the time, I am fully aware now of just how much he loved me. That if he could give me his entire heart and half of somebody else’s, it still wouldn’t measure up. I need him to know that he is the only person I will ever be capable of giving 100% of myself to, because there is a part of me that I will never be able to get back because I gave it to him. He’s got to know that Jason is not��“Jason” without Alyssa. And that no matter how often the world around us is changing, this love remains the same.

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