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bythecampfire · 2 years

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havel: o hey havel: youre a diaper harm: im a panty............................ havel: cool harm: too influenced by ddlg shi havel: i rly need to pee hold on havel: yea u r havel: brb harm: nou harm: tyt havel: back havel: i got pizza havel: n put some in the oven modernize: wb havel: thanks hi havel: hello o_o Guest_duckydanky: yo havel: yo Guest_duckydanky: whats good modernize: hi havel: nm might watch mob psycho 100 havel: wbu Guest_duckydanky: i just got home nd saw harm was in here havel: u know her ? Guest_duckydanky: ye harm: watch mitey ducks havel: mitey ducks ? havel: .. the movie ? harm: yh Guest_duckydanky: yes havel: ok Guest_duckydanky: wassup harm harm: laying harm: music harm: mite play gam e Guest_duckydanky: dbd? harm: man harm: i met some1 RELY cool frm dbd server harm: n we got on p well convo wise h added me Guest_duckydanky: did u inv em in server harm: but then i sed bf n he stopped tlkin 2 me harm: no harm: i knew tht shit wud happen Guest_duckydanky: lmaooo harm: so im traumatized frm game harm: atm harm: gna play bunnypark Guest_duckydanky: he wanted the pssy Guest_duckydanky: z harm: he wuz so cool Guest_duckydanky: but as soon as u said bf he dipped harm: if i were som1 id wait 4 me to not have a bf havel: lmao what Guest_duckydanky: i mean his reaction makes sense Guest_duckydanky: still kinda cringe harm: yea i get it Guest_duckydanky: im also annoyed when i speak to a hot girl nd they mention having a bf but like if they r cool ill still talk to them harm: jus sucks bc i dont have any close friends since john left harm: lik i have party friends harm: i tlk to occasionally harm: sum jackbox skribblio shit havel: john? harm: but i dont have substance friends Guest_duckydanky: john was cool harm: my bff for like 6 years harm: well ex now we aint friends havel: id hope that any1 thats crushing on u isnt just ur friend n waiting for u to be single havel: that would be weird like harm: if i were a person havel: praying every night bad shit happens to ur relationship harm: n i rely liked them havel: praying on its downfall harm: idk in this day i eel shit dont last harm: feel* harm: esp w all the emotionless egirls harm: brekin guys hrt so easily Guest_duckydanky: yeah i can vouch Guest_duckydanky: z harm: so id keep talkin to the person harm: just inc ase harm: but still build up a friendship harm: n care bc they cool havel: brb rq harm: friendship is a good base regardless Guest_duckydanky: i mean if u consider dating someone u met like 2 days ago is cringe anyway Guest_duckydanky: they literally a stranger harm: it aint ab tem considering dating harm: its jus harm: initial chemistry from first convo harm: sometimes harm: continuous convo tht can go for hrs harm: tht how it wuz w us havel: flirting online is so weird havel: like irl dating isnt jumping into a relationship havel: but its considered jumping into one online Guest_duckydanky: i flirt w every girl i speak to Guest_duckydanky: z harm: ive never felt tht Guest_duckydanky: except harm havel: oh for sure except harm harm: w all my online rships they were natural harm: friendship ten date harm: then* Guest_duckydanky: harm is my truest online friend harm: its the only way i go ab them too Guest_duckydanky: realest homie in da hood harm: i like bn tht close to someone first harm: before i consider harm: i ned tht trust n comfort n inside jokery etc harm: rly knowing someone n them knowing me b4 u commit to sumn srs harm: n i think bc of tht i dont regret any of my exes harm: they wuz all gud Guest_duckydanky: without john i doubt i would have got a pc Guest_duckydanky: so i salute him harm: yeah ur a dick 4 tht btw havel: damn wtf Guest_duckydanky: z harm: i told u so long harm: u get 1 dude u dont evn know modernize: purr harm: n he convinces u havel: guys this is my mute havel: they dont talk Guest_duckydanky: yeah ur right Guest_duckydanky: it wasnt cool for u modernize: who’s ur mute havel: u Guest_duckydanky: but the outcome in the end is the same modernize: im not mute Guest_duckydanky: i have a pc so it allows me to play with games w u Guest_duckydanky: sometimes havel: ok mute modernize: Im just gay Guest_duckydanky: when i want to which is rare Guest_duckydanky: but still harm: think ab how i met ur mother modernize: hazel harm: they dated each other n wet thru sm sit thruout the years harm: thts y i say keep the person u still like arnd harm: anyth can happen when u get older Guest_duckydanky: not when they block u havel: ^ harm: nott dumb ewhores obviously Guest_duckydanky: true harm: im talking b ppl actully worth it . Guest_duckydanky: especially not dumb e-whores modernize: hi harm: ppl lik me harm: hi modernize: im at work modernize: teehee harm: ok havel: i had a dumb ewhore block me yday harm: it hapens Guest_duckydanky: it happened to me like uhh modernize: that’s why u should be gay Guest_duckydanky: a few weeks harm: im used tto tht shit now it aint evn faze me anymore havel: i called out the annoying shit she did n stopped talking to her havel: n she threw a fit havel: i dodged a bullet Guest_duckydanky: honestly same Guest_duckydanky: kinda Guest_duckydanky: well thats p much what happened w me too harm: its worse when they pretty they think they privileged n ull let em do w/e havel: mhm Guest_duckydanky: right my issue is random hoes calling me daddy when i met em like 2 days ago Guest_duckydanky: z Guest_duckydanky: right now* Guest_duckydanky: so annoyin harm: ew wtf Guest_duckydanky: yeah i just ignore them harm: idm daddy but not wen it comes 2 u havel: duckydanky the daddy harm: ur too autistic to b called dat Guest_duckydanky: fr harm: lik i jus cant c it havel: daddydicky Guest_duckydanky: when someone says daddy i imagine a fat hairy guy w beer belly harm: wen it comes to hazel i cud c it Guest_duckydanky: im none of that harm: but u havel: oh true havel: beer belly harm: plus the femboyism harm: which ik shudnt influence havel: lmao harm: but i cant get over it wen ive known so long Guest_duckydanky: im too feminine to b a daddy harm: exactly Guest_duckydanky: im twink harm: xaclty harm: u need a hefty dom woman havel: yikes harm: w gud music taste Guest_AriesFire25: Hi havel: ppl dont rly have good music taste . . havel: hello Guest_duckydanky: tbh Guest_duckydanky: id rather educate someone clueless and then they progressively get gud taste havel: theyre just into w.e shit they relate to like Guest_AriesFire25: How is everyone doing? Guest_duckydanky: than someone on par with me Guest_duckydanky: music taste wise havel: music taste is more ab someones identity Guest_duckydanky: ye Guest_duckydanky: if u have good music taste to me ur like more attractive Guest_duckydanky: i dont mean necessarily ur looks but jst like Guest_duckydanky: who u are is more appealing 2 me harm: Guest_duckydanky: id rather educate someone clueless and then they progressively get gud taste harm: mebe u do have daddy trait havel: if they would even care harm: 10% Guest_duckydanky: yeah Guest_duckydanky: if they close minded then they suck Guest_duckydanky: but obvs id try showing the same interest in whatever thing theyre passionate about harm: havel: ppl dont rly have good music taste . . harm: disagree Guest_duckydanky: but tbh i havent met many passionate people harm: thrs 'objectivey' gud artists havel: i have a fucking huge music library Guest_duckydanky: what do you define has objectively good harm harm: then u more likely to have good taste harm: also Guest_duckydanky: do u mean someone succesfull harm: ppl who lisen 2 diff genre Guest_AriesFire25: Sorry to but in but what kind of music do yall listen to? harm: most of the time do too Guest_duckydanky: i have a copypasta Guest_duckydanky: of like 50 genres harm: i dont lisen 2 music havel: wb Guest_duckydanky: harm Guest_duckydanky: silence is also music havel: lmao ok Guest_duckydanky: we continuously listen to music Guest_duckydanky: and sounds modernize: ty havel: were talking about tracks dude havel: artists havel: theres ambient noise artists and lofi hiphop beats to study to havel: theres even ost background music Guest_duckydanky: i dont mean that havel: but nothing ? harm: ducky is too artistic u will b here all day ab music hazel i widnt start lul Guest_duckydanky: i mean literal silence harm: hes too pretentious Guest_duckydanky: silence doesnt exist havel: nonono this is my topic Guest_duckydanky: as in total silence, 0 sounds at all to be heard harm: okgl havel: music as in shit thats listed on spotify or some other music source Guest_duckydanky: music is more than that havel: smh havel: do u have a last.fm harm: iwillkm Guest_duckydanky: ye harm: s havel: link it Guest_duckydanky: https://www.last.fm/user/DuckyDanky havel: https://www.last.fm/user/horcrux9000 havel: ive been on lastfm for way longer but i mean u do have a lot of artists havel: scrobbled havel: i still got like a grand more Guest_duckydanky: i mean u made ur acc in 2013 Guest_duckydanky: so thats kinda to b expected havel: u do listen to a lot havel: i changed it to the last 180 days n its just 300 less artists havel: ur shits mostly hyperpop.. Guest_duckydanky: right now im on a movie phase so ive been slacking off Guest_duckydanky: my recent stuff is 96% hyperpop yeah Guest_duckydanky: thats my current music phase havel: me in 2020 harm: autism24 Guest_duckydanky: autism is cool though harm: i madeitcool Guest_duckydanky: do u use rateyourmusic havel havel: no but i should :\ Guest_duckydanky: https://rateyourmusic.com/~DuckyDanky Guest_duckydanky: feel free to check otu doe Guest_duckydanky: out* havel: i just listen to a lot of shit n find new music Guest_duckydanky: me 2 harm: im in distress ab this guy havel: youre obsessed w the smiths Guest_duckydanky: i was Guest_duckydanky: yes harm: but wont lisen 2 morrisey Guest_duckydanky: too macho for me Guest_duckydanky: i prefer femboy morrissey harm: mm Guest_duckydanky: ill listn to morrissey whn havel: i love david shawty Guest_duckydanky: i get my jangle pop phase Guest_duckydanky: david shawty so based harm: mebe staying high for a week til im over it is the play but i hate removing days of my life by spending them numb now harm: TREY888734 havel: its not the play Guest_TREY888734: Yoo harm: help me harm: TREY888734 Guest_TREY888734: You cool harm: its the play bc i have no friends to talk to and ion wna start therapy jus for tht bc i been fine otherwise harm: i jus miss my bestfriend Guest_duckydanky: huh harm: n ducky ion evn feel comfortable mentionin this shit arnd u sumtime harm: i fel lik u cud go tell john stuff Guest_duckydanky: oh yeah sorry again about that havel: what happened w john Guest_duckydanky: and i dont speak to john harm: ik u dont bc i told him to not talk to u Guest_duckydanky: i mean idm u telling me or not Guest_duckydanky: u do what u want harm: im js it makes me evn more sad bc i have no 1 im close to tht i can trust harm: was the point Guest_duckydanky: i understand why u reluctant to talk about that stuff w me so harm: not jus to diss u bc u betrayed me once harm: yea harm: i jus hope u understand why Guest_duckydanky: ofc Guest_duckydanky: its up to u if u wanna trust me or nah havel: o_O harm: it ainjt rely ab this guy but this guy made me think ab john n how i have no close friends now n how im prolly gna bcome codependent bc of it harm: john long story short harm: bff for 6 years, only familylike thing i eva had harm: stopped bn fren bc i wudnt date him harm: wen he tried to get w me wen i wuz into new bf harm: current bf harm: n now he wont speak to me harm: bc it hurts him too much tht i wudnt give hima nother chance harm: @hazel havel: got it havel: he was crushing harm: we dated years ago but broke up n he wudnt take me bk, been friends ever since, this desperation to b w me wen new bf came harm: wuz random n out character harm: i cud c if thr was any sign harm: thr wasnt harm: its like he bcame crazy n mid life crisesy Guest_duckydanky: ppl get more attracted to people who are harder to reach Guest_duckydanky: thats y people seem to get hit on more when theyre dating someone harm: nah, bc i dated ppl before zak harm: i ju think he always thought Guest_duckydanky: i know dat harm: id break up w em harm: but wen it came to zak he was like different and he prolly thought i cud possibly stay w him for good bc of it harm: n got scared harm: copeland is so good Guest_duckydanky: cop harm: they make me wna kill myself ina happy way bc sumn so beautiful yk harm: u evr feel tht Guest_duckydanky: no havel: yeah tbh havel: early escape the fate havel: when i was like 15 harm: cute Guest_duckydanky: the good thing out of our current friendship harm harm: ? Guest_duckydanky: is how i feel way less dependant to you, as in less clingy and less idk moody and affected by what u say harm: ya u dont like me anymore harm: its jus genuine fren meow havel: bet Guest_duckydanky: yes harm: <3 harm: ik thts wt u needed harm: the break wuz good Guest_duckydanky: yes Guest_duckydanky: tbh yeah Guest_duckydanky: it helped balance things out Guest_duckydanky: and restore order Guest_duckydanky: in my mind Guest_duckydanky: i had come to the conclusion that angels belong in heaven so there would be no purpose in trying to reach one Guest_duckydanky: xd harm: thts kina sad havel: o_o thats the most simp thing ive ever read harm: LOL harm: no its harm: ik me saying this sounds biased or wtvr Guest_duckydanky: its the opposite harm: but i rly am a hq person harm: n i get why havel: hq? harm: high qality person i dont jus mean female havel: o_o harm: like good friend as a base n likeable quality harm: quality* Guest_duckydanky: realistically speaking ur also jst too old for me Guest_duckydanky: xd havel: ur ego is massive harmony harm: this sounds like slutty but ion mean it tht way Guest_duckydanky: i mean Guest_duckydanky: i may be biased or wtvr Guest_duckydanky: but she kinda is Guest_duckydanky: xd Guest_duckydanky: shes like one of the 3 online people ive known for more than a year harm: i rely wish i cud clone myself so i can date all my friends bc ik id b the best for them n ion trust women w them Guest_duckydanky: nd still speak to harm: n ion mean it in a way i like my friends romantically harm: i mean it ina protect / wanting best for them harm: way Guest_duckydanky: see Guest_duckydanky: actual angel Guest_duckydanky: fuck harm: mebe i will go to therapy harm: jus annoying Guest_duckydanky: i wanted to say instead of praying virgin mary imma pray to virgin harm Guest_duckydanky: but it dsnt work anymore Guest_duckydanky: z havel: this is so weird to read havel: u rly have a harem of guys harm harm: ik how it sounds hazel lmao rly but u aint know me thts y harm: i dont harm: ducky is my only close friend harm: well person id consider havel: u got like 11 e-simps huh harm: closest thing to friend harm: 2day harm: closest thing toa close friend8 harm: * Guest_duckydanky: im not a simp bro havel: ducky do u give this girl money Guest_duckydanky: z havel: ohgod harm: i make my own money harm: i dont need money evr Guest_duckydanky: she bought me nitro once Guest_duckydanky: and wanted to buy me something for my bday but she stopped talking 4 a bit before it Guest_duckydanky: z harm: 2 yrd ago lol Guest_duckydanky: yes Guest_duckydanky: we* havel: stopped talking for a bit before it havel: smh harm: like we fell out harm: completely havel: nice timing harm: ya it wuz guna b so cool too Guest_duckydanky: for real my biggest worry wasnt harm it was not getting any gifts : ( Guest_duckydanky: jk harm: i wuz gna hide thigh highs in japanese candy shit for him harm: bc his rents dint kno ab the femboy shi harm: also ruined surprise now but u aint femboy anymore apparently harm: so ig i wont ever geta chance 2 do it ! Guest_duckydanky: hope isnt lost Guest_duckydanky: its just temporary harm: phase? Guest_duckydanky: yeah Guest_duckydanky: i just dont feel comfortable calling myself a femboy w the way i look rn harm: u 2 swag Guest_duckydanky: and i dont mean it in a bad way like im ugly harm: ur in eboy phase Guest_duckydanky: just femboy label doesnt seem right Guest_duckydanky: yeah harm: ya u jus v masculine rn Guest_duckydanky: yeah i got a virgin beard growing harm: woa Guest_duckydanky: i gave up shaving Guest_duckydanky: and it gives me a cool look so idc Guest_duckydanky: i look 22 Guest_duckydanky: ill shave only if i see i grow a neckbeard harm: brb Guest_duckydanky: but thats unlikely harm: ya u do lok older harm: not ina 40 way Guest_duckydanky: yeah i look old cool Guest_duckydanky: ive never been id'ed harm: opposite 4 me harm: @id harm: happens all the time Guest_duckydanky: tru Guest_duckydanky: when we 1st met i thot u looked my age Guest_duckydanky: so thats valid Guest_duckydanky: i feel less rtarded knowing it happens all the time doe harm: ya harm: beginning of year i went to races n dude thougt i wuz 16 Guest_duckydanky: do u view it as a good thing Guest_duckydanky: that ppl think ur young Guest_duckydanky: i think thts kinda flattering harm: i used 2 feel no way ab it only wen annopying things happen lik went on vacay w fam n got talked to by employee ab bn on casino floor or sumn harm: which happens but i used to have bad anxiety tlkin to ppl irl harm: s i hated it Guest_duckydanky: u like it now? harm: after my x cheated on me w minor i think it traumatized me a bit n i feel beneficial frm it in an odd lame way harm: jus shit i gta get over but keep w me ig harm: beneficial frm lokin yunger* harm: not bn cheatd on Guest_duckydanky: what Guest_duckydanky: who cheated on u Guest_duckydanky: i nvr heard abt that harm: wuz named cameron u dont kno him harm: irrelevant rely Guest_duckydanky: oh Guest_duckydanky: nvm Guest_duckydanky: u told me about it harm: ya Guest_duckydanky: u were 22 he ws 27 Guest_duckydanky: right harm: ya harm: wait harm: no 23 harm: /28 harm: she wuz 15 iirc Guest_duckydanky: thats kinda gross Guest_duckydanky: xd harm: xd harm: shit jus made me paranoid bc i knew him since i wuz 15 n it wuz lik wooooaaa did u only lik me wen we 1st met bc of tht or bc of age acully Guest_duckydanky: so cuz of it i guess u see comfort in looking younger harm: like 20% bc of tht yea but i realize how irrational n lame it is harm: jus nvr got ovr it ig Guest_duckydanky: where did u guys meet Guest_duckydanky: myspace? harm: vu lool Guest_duckydanky: so u were 15 in like 2007 right harm: idk wuz i Guest_duckydanky: i just did quick maths harm: duno Guest_duckydanky: well lets say yes Guest_duckydanky: dam thats a while ago Guest_duckydanky: i was Guest_duckydanky: 3 Guest_duckydanky: z havel: feels kinda nicer in here now harm: ya dis rm beter new rm trash harm: no offenze havel: this rooms old asf harm: ya but it best havel: this rooms probably 5 years old now Guest_duckydanky: looks ghetto Guest_duckydanky: is tht the carnifex logo Guest_duckydanky: z havel: yeah Guest_duckydanky: ded harm: looks eboy but ina acceptable way bc creative Guest_duckydanky: id like to make my own imvu room Guest_duckydanky: but poor harm: uh hello Guest_duckydanky: oh tru ur my imvu sugar mom havel: harm buy out my wishlist havel: eventho i havent shopped in like a year Guest_duckydanky: dont i need vip to make a room havel: i think so ? harm: 2 much clicking but i will try 2 get a lot til im tried havel: ok =) havel: how many credits do u have anyway harm: did u private wl harm: msgs havel: huh? havel: ... u can do that? havel: what harm: it sed i aint permitted 2 buy prod on like 5 now havel: weird harm: so i figured u took it off harm: nah its bc harm: creator disabled harm: most likely havel: oh theyre from disabled creators yeah harm: or quit vip or sumn havel: yeah havel: banned maybe havel: i need to clean out my wl havel: i havent in idek how long havel: so many years Guest_duckydanky: clean ur room too havel: my rooms fine Guest_duckydanky: no theres trash havel: :0 really? where? Guest_duckydanky: no wonder u got an eviction notice Guest_duckydanky: L Guest_duckydanky: if i was a landlord id b mad too havel: this room used to be called trash pit havel: should make it that again tbh harm: i dont feel good Guest_duckydanky: trash spit havel: nice 1 Guest_duckydanky: vry clever Guest_duckydanky: wassup harm harm: meow harm: Guest_duckydanky: no wonder u got an eviction notice harm: yall know fridgebro harm: story harm: aint as bad as tht havel: fridgebro? harm: https://imgur.com/thZa3VL harm: brb havel: this is autistic Guest_duckydanky: prolly mentally ill Guest_duckydanky: for sur havel: hello AstralMiscreant: Hey all Guest_Dinossaur: https://discord.gg/vmGj7ZXy Guest_Dinossaur: https://discord.gg/vmGj7ZXy harm: hi Guest_duckydanky: yo Guest_duckydanky: i jst ate harm: im bk but guna watch yt ill check chat here n thr harm: me2 harm: n watch ratatouille Guest_duckydanky: imma shower Guest_duckydanky: but i dont wanna Guest_duckydanky: im lazy harm: iwillstay stink havel: i shower everyday havel: but i need to do laundry but im lazy Guest_duckydanky: i shower evry 2 days harm: i dont shwer Guest_duckydanky: when the last time u showered harm: shrug Guest_duckydanky: do u have grime Guest_duckydanky: on ur skin Guest_duckydanky: today i just learned something weird Guest_duckydanky: in da old day japanese women has black teeth Guest_duckydanky: looks so cursed Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: hey havel: ive seen that little floating grim reaper pet a lot Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i've had it for a while, so i wouldn't be surprised Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: how you guys doing? havel: im just kinda bored watching twitch havel: when i should be doing chores n working out havel: todays my day off so im just being lazy Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i can't relate watching twitch, since i do twith xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i can relate to the lazy tho havel: youre a streamer?? Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye havel: whats your stream Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: a small one, but a streamer non the less xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: artsykokoro Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mostly do art and then stream games when i feel like playing something on a stream day Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: currently on a break, since i have too much going on irl atm Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: have a big comeback planned tho, so i just hope it goes to plan... unlike my last depbut ^^' havel: oh cool youre a vtuber Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye havel: nicee Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: fingers crossed that i can start streaming again at the start of november. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: but all depends how soon the irl stuff calms down. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i quite like this room havel: thankss Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: and i just realised you're the room owner xD Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: god i'm blind sometimes havel: yeah i made this forever ago Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: noice Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: this room might be my new go-to Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: the last one got deleted Guest_duckydanky: im bck Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: welcome back Guest_duckydanky: whts good Guest_duckydanky: oh u a streamer Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: ye Guest_duckydanky: r u famous Guest_duckydanky: gimme a shoutout Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: and currently nothing's good really ^^' Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i'm not that big. only a little over 300 followers Guest_duckydanky: how many viewers u gget on average Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: depends on what i stream. since i'm a variety streamer, it can be anywhere between 1-3 to 5-10 Guest_duckydanky: u do art? Guest_duckydanky: like wat Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i do digital art. mostly humans, but trying to get better at animals and landscapes. Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: why don't you come sit Guest_duckydanky: no way Guest_duckydanky: u should draw me im like vry handsome nd cool Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mean that sanrio shirt is cool xD Guest_duckydanky: im hotter irl Guest_duckydanky: i mean Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: hmm... dunno, can't judge. don't know what you look like Guest_duckydanky: literally my pfp Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i haven't looked at your profile yet. hold on Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: sent you a friend request on dc Guest_RainbowCupcake2000: i mean tbh. you are good looking, but i don't draw people for free. you can commission me tho, but my commissions are closed atm.

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voidcat · 2 years

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i will ask about it

tell me your thoughts of vita sexualis, even if you shared them to discord already lmao

I ALREADY SHARED GHEM ON FHE SERVER hsjdjfjfjfjfjf

ok lemme just copy paste my goodreads review here instead:: (the whole thing got long so I’m adding a “keep reading)

before starting this book (or any of mori's writing), i had little to no knowledge about him.

having read bungou stray dogs and enjoying seeing how asagiri desinged his characters based on the books they wrote, this book was one i was certainly looking forward to. more or less i had a guess by the end i'd either be weirded out or be confused (about asagiri's intention/interpretation)

and now that i'm finished, i can certainly say: What the hell was Kafka Asagiri thinking?..

same goes for any website that advertizes this book as erotic because this is the furthest from that genre, trust me.

anyways, i don't come across examples of talking about sex, desire and so on (or the lack of the said desire, low sex drive et cetera) in the media so that was an interesting read in that sense. yet just like Wild Geese, the story from the start to finish feels static, the few exceptions it doesn't, you forget by the time you reach the end and you're left with a "So that's it?" when you close the book.

also I said this in the server as well but while reading it I was reminded of this convo I had w a classmate who wants kids. What she said that day was like abt dressing them up and playing w them etc etc so I asked her if she wanted a kid or a tiny human to dress up (like a doll) and play with. So considering (apparently) Vita Sexualis is like a partial autobiography of Mori (Just like most of Dazai’s works) this whole dressing up logic, Vita Sexualis as a book and the existence of Elise makes more sense to me? In a way, kind of like how you seek company when alone at home so you turn the tv on or get a pet. (bc fr what we saw of mori and elise through others eyes that we also considered red flags were the dress up scenes- Mori going shopping to get elise dresses or begging her to try a dress. and considering he doesnt let many people around himself due to his position -and as a person- he must be more or less desperate to have someone around him without any hidden agenda)

#Seb !!#answered #Mori ougai

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riskeith · 3 years

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hi babe ! its snowing so much here today i’ve been cold all day :( but i got some chai latte and made snow angels so i’m feeling a bit better,.. <3

i wish there was a way to trade objects or send them away!! ik it would spiral into hacking, scamming and would probably defeat the purpose of the game by making it much easier but still :( it would be nice to help out friends with some objects.. :(

actually the most annoying thing about mobile is the camera. it sometimes glitches especially during battle and i find myself stuck facing a mountain bc the camera. so i see why people might complain. also sadly NO :( i wish!! i have an old laptop i thought of using but idk if it can handle it. i think i wanna try it out though. do you use a laptop or pc?

that’s true. i wish we could like... unable easy mode and just chill LMAO hsjshdhdk. but combat does get more fun the more you progress, i’ve started to really enjoy it. now i get why you started to like dragonspine.... i think.... i’m still iffy about that place... 🤔 fuck the cold.

dude. they’re sooo good. i love how they just.. angrily reassure each other constantly. kageyama’s just ARGH *literally smacks sense into hinata’s head* and hinata’s just EEE *takes the compliments and spikes like a mf*

i actually didn’t know much about voltron when i first started watching. i only knew about shiro because an acquaintance had posted about his gay announcement but i never checked it out. i actually got into it in a funny way... i was on yt one day and i saw a video titled ‘are keith and lance gay?’ and i was like who the fuck are keith and lance? then because i’m such a gay person myself i decided to check it out and i saw keith and was like... wow that’s a cute boy... then i saw their dynamic and said WOAH. and well... i just started watching and got hooked and i thought everything was neat and fun so i watched up until season 3 without engaging in any fan activities so i had no idea what people were saying...,, then i did and i was greeted with the shit storm. and the rest is history. but i can imagine it must’ve been so fun... the excitement of not knowing where the story will go and getting new content and being in the fandom while it was alive despite everything.... ahhh how did you find out about the show?

dude YEAH!!! do you feel like university affects the way you handle your fandoms? we talked a bit about hobbies and stuff but what about fandoms?

(MAKES A SECOND REROLL ACCOUNT JUST FOR THIS.... 🥺 omgggg imagine how cute that would be wait omg i’m actually like ahhhh.. we could go on dates at liyue... or watch the sunset at cape oath.... or have picnics at any mountain top... 😳 YEAH PLS that would be so nice... help is anyway nice to have and you’re such a op now you’d just murder the villains in a second... 😳 oo. although i checked earlier and my server is in america for some reason? i really hope they do the cross-server thing life would be SO good. i’d ask you on a date in a heartbeat. 😳 which characters would we use on this co-op date?)

KOSMO!!! BEST PART OF VOLTRON???? kosmo... come back to us please.. please. ok maybe second best part after keith in the bom suit..... god keith in purple just sits so right <3333 sooo right <3333 I VOTE FOR KEITH BECAUSE HE’S HALF-GALRA SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM THE FUTURE *LOVE-SICK SMILE* yeah... hahaha fucking fools. ‘rewrite where lance was looking for keith to confess to him bc they were going back to space’ CRIESSSSSSSSSSSS... CLUNAAAA... 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 hi.. 🥺 now i’m just gonna think about this all night and clutch my heart. thank you for that. btw how would you feel about a voltron movie ?

(i love how our topics just jump from genshin to voltron to genshin to voltron again lmao)

lots of kisses from your m.a. <3333

(okay this ended up being very long bc i combined your second ask too and talked a lot so i hope it’s okay i put it under a read more fkdsjhfks)

omg snow!!! is it all pretty and fluffy 🥺🥺 also ‘chai latte’ and ‘snow angels’ in the same sentence when you said you were cold made me fhfksfjs but i’m happy you’re feeling better! muwah 🥰

yeah same!! i said that to my brother when i first started playing i was like ‘i wish you could trade characters’ and he just gave me a deadpan look and was like.. why would they allow that FHDSFKHD sigh but it would be fun!

ah yikes no! sometimes the camera fucks up even on pc so I can’t imagine what it’s like on mobile in the pivotal moments fhdkfjsd. and i use a laptop! i don’t have a pc ahaha. ahhh i hope you somehow manage to find a laptop/pc to try it out thoo

AHAHAH come on m.a. give dragonspine another shot 🤪🤪 but yeah the challenge is fun sometimes! tho i tried to do a domain like 3 times today and kept failing so... it’s also not fun. (i also tried to find some vids about how to build my characters and got overwhelemd fkhsdfks i feel like i’m going about it all in the wrong way ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

FSHDFKJSDHFKSDHJF THAT DESCRIPTION OF KAGEHINA YES 💯💯💯💯 the accuracy omg.. they’re such chaotic idiots i love them!!!!

!!! what a story that is ahah omg it’s like fate... icb you got that vid recommended to you lolol iconic... and i found out about it from my dash!! someone reblogged a screenshot and i was like “legend of korra?” FHSKFJHSKF so basically i thought it was a korra comic or something bc the art style was so similar fhskdfjd. and then i went searching and gave it a shot! and fell down the rabbit hole..

ooo wdym by handle my fandoms? i do know that last year when uni got overwhelming i locked my twitter and made a priv to vent and just. didn’t really go on social media if that’s what you meant FHSKJSDHKF but yeahhhhhhh uni fkn sucks. sucks out all the motivation i have for anything... i type so many words for lectures that i don’t have the energy to write fic :// FJKDSHKSDHFKSHF don’t meant to get so negative but yeahh lol. hbu?

(all those options got my heart going doki doki 😩 who needs real life dating when you can date in the gorgeous atmosphere that is genshin? AHAH. and oh? america??? maybe they just did that as default hm. as for which characters.... i don’t know that we have any that make up the popular ships fhdskjfj (xingqiu/chongyun, zhongli/childe, beidou/ningguang).. tho i see xiao/aether and xiao/venti on the rise so when the time comes ... AHAH you can be the venti to my xiao <3 LOL)

!!!!!!!!! okay i’ll list that down as the fic idea.. but no promises once again sdjfhksdf but i’m also very 👀👀👀 at the concept so! will def keep it in the back burner.

hm. i honestly don’t know if i would even pay any attention to it hfksdhfjds like voltron left such a sour taste in my mouth i don’t even know that i could consume any canon content ever again. but it’ll also depend on what the plot would be? lol. would you be okay with it?

(lmaooo we be balancing many convos at once look at us 🤪)

ALSO!!! i’m watching spirited away rn and omg. i love haku sm. i love no face too!!! (at least in the beginning when he (?????) was helping sen <33) all the characters are really good as well tho and ofc the art and music!! i really wanna draw something for it now...... and it makes me very excited to watch howl’s moving castle!!

‘I saw the person my younger self had been enraptured by. I saw someone who took my breath away. And when I blinked, I saw the present you. A soul which, slowly but surely, I’d started to fall in love with.’

UMMMMMMMM CLUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explain yourself right now.........., what is this goddamn beauty you hide ? why is that so beautiful..,,, i take it the last klance fic is a multiverse fic???? literally everything good in one????? i saw hints of royal au as well? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you do us so good i literally love you sm just reading those small snippets just Ahhhhhh..... i love them they sound amazing i just wanna exist in them yk... 😭😭😭😭😭😭

FHDSKJFHDSFKJ IF YOU THINK THAT IS GOOD JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE LAST SECTION!!!!!!!!! but at the same time i’m surprised by myself too... me @ past me you ain’t bad! shdfkds I legit have no recollection or writing the snippet you sent but i’m glad you like it 😩😩 and thank you for being so kind always ilysm too 😭❣💓💖💫💞💘❣💖

oh and to answer your question (oops almost forgot) yes it’s a multiverse fic!! that’s why i thought it’d be good for the last one ehehe. just shoved in everything i loved and made klance in love in them!!

hope you’re treating yourself!! loveeeeeee your c.r. <3

#since it's under a read more.. it can be like those 'open for a surprise' things HAHAH #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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fandomfriendly · 6 years

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I want to be all diary like rn

so like I could just make a note of whatever I’m bout to say but I want it like live forever and i know literally no one on this damn site cares about what i have to say so here I am lol..

I’ve been in this weird pit of overwhelming emotions accompanied by the incapability of processing them for the past few years. It took me so much time to even realize I had such a problem with allowing myself to be a regular fuckin human and initially when I first started seeing the signs of how mentally unhealthily I was living I didn’t know what the fuck to do and abruptly cut off pretty much everything and everyone I loved. I became a fucking hermit. I kept telling myself I was doing it for the better, that I cut everything off and am gonna take my time to heal and grow as a person and when I feel better i will try to rekindle with everything and whatever doesn’t work, just wasn’t meant to be. Which is a mentally unhealthy thing to do in the first place and potentially not only harmed myself but those around me but life’s a fuckin cycle of realizing shit so,,,

Anyways I went through some hella hard times filled with anxiety and depression, literally every day was either full of tears and feeling every emotion at once or was empty and ghost like. But I pushed through it. I learned a lot about my self and how my mind works. I grew as a person and still am. I’m not sharpest in a lot of ways but i know I just want to be a kind and accepting person, not that I wasn’t all those years ago, it’s just that back then I couldn’t present myself as such as I didn’t even have the fucking motivation to live. I mean I like to think I was kind in others eyes but I also fucking hate thinking about what others might think me so again,,, lol. I just know now that I’m trying to be a better person, and I’m trying to learn more and do more this year than I have in the past four years.

I’m writing this now because I’m in a really good state of mind. This month alone I’ve had conversations I never thought I would with people that are so close to me yet knew so little about. That sounds so cryptic lmao. Basically i spoke with my closest family members about struggles mentally and the past and how emotionally traumatizing it was for them and in turn I allowed myself to open up about the exact same thing. A specific convo was with my mom, a woman who has been through hell and back. She told me about past abuse, most of which I was there to witness and we have talked about before, but this time it was different because we spoke as equals. I’m gonna be honest I didn’t open up as much as I could have but it felt like I finally walked over a hill I was dreading for so long. I used to just be a good fake and slap a smile on in difficult time probably not fooling anyone. It’s always been a problem opening up to my family and friends but send me a stranger and I’ll talk their ear off.. well sorta, so like in high school i saw a grief counselor who i guess was technically my therapist but she was a total stranger and the second she asked what I even need to see her for, I broke down. I swear she said like two sentences but I rashly explained all the shit i was dealing with in between fits of tears. At the second meeting I felt like she knew my whole life but somehow I still had more to say?? I literally don’t know how I was so comfortable sharing all that with a stranger so fast like I get it’s her profession and I would’ve opened up eventually and that it could’ve clicked in the back of my mind like ‘why waste time just tell her everything now!’ But idk I think if I were to talk with a stranger that is willing to listen, I would legit do the same thing.. idk.

Anyways, opening up in the slightest bit feels like a major accomplishment. And the fact that i could with my mom who, god bless her, did so much that was seemingly unhealthy and careless to others but meant the world to me, felt amazing. There’s that thing about high school being the time of your life and living it up- a pre show of college which I wasn’t really expecting to be true in the first place but what I didn’t expect was to be emotionally unstable dealing with anxiety, depression, self hatred and grief. So when all this shit hit me like a truck, I was left feeling numb not wanting to do anything with little to no interest in any previous hobbies and likings. I grew up feeling said things^ but didn’t realize until hs how worse it got over time. In the midst of all of that I didn’t know what to do and was having frequent anxiety attacks and even though I couldn’t explain it at all, my mom had a sort of understanding and allowed me to stay home like every damn day. Like I said wasn’t the greatest thing to do but it helped in its own way. In the first years of hs my relationship with my mom was rocky but towards the end she screwed her head on and became more mama bird then ever. We bonded and it felt much better, almost like we rekindled after a long time. Which is kinda true.

Another thing I realized in the past four years was how normalized death was to me growing up. Like by the time I was eight I went through at least six funerals which to my Catholic Mexican/Filipino family meant six mortuary family reunions, six forty day prayers full of greeting mama and papas, being one of the only children to not be playing in the backyard but rather doing the rosary with the adults and what my fam called the ‘Filipino golden girls’ singing walk with thee. Not to mention the other annual prayers with said golden girls where we had a Jesus of Nazareth statue that traveled from the Philippines for a whole week and just prayed for mercy and the souls of our dearly deceased. Like this was the norm for me.. but ALL of that did not prepare me for the deaths of two of the most important people to me. I mean I guess it did because after one of the passings, after a ton of tears and goodbyes in a hospital room, I got in the car and on the way home and immediately thought about where the nice tablecloth was and the saint statues and how to move the table we used as an alter at the previous prayers. So yeah I was prepared but not for the emotions.

Back to why I’m writing this now, i just feel happy??? Idk why this past week was a rollercoaster but overall I felt happy,,,, idk. Imma elaborate..(holy shit I said I could talk the ear off a stranger and look at me spilling hella shit about me rn to the three strangers who’ll see this and scroll right past lmao.) So hmmm, there was a party hosted at my house recently and I was hella excited, I felt like I looked great and was ready to party but as all other times when there’s a gathering of any sort at my house, this weird overwhlelming feeling pops up and fucks everything up. It’s basically a fucking anxiety attack but soooo much weirder than the ones I dealt with in school. I mean they’re both basically the same but these ones felt worse. Because not being able to leave my room for school full of kids I barely knew and not being able to leave my room for a patio full of family and friends that I’m mostly close too should not result in the same form of anxiety. Idk tho it’s all in my sick brain!! but yeah that shit sucked I stayed in my room the whole night, hungry and sober which were two of the things I was absolutely not supposed to be!! There were tacos, &(oops) my fave tequila, good music and fun things planned but that didn’t stop my sick brain from telling me nO. And another thing in this glorious month is —Father’s Day. liSTEN I’m hella damaged nd am not trying to get into ALL of this but to keep it short, my dad who wasn’t in my life until I was one and only very briefly until I was thirteen which also turned out to be very briefly until I was eighteen which you guessed, was also very briefly, just isn’t a good dad. i have a half sibling who I feel so bad for because her parents are literal idiots that just shouldn’t have had kids because they can barely take care of themselves. But the very brief moment when I was eighteen was because of said halfsibling that I was worried for but as of now that family is it’s own and I’m nowhere near it nor do I want to be. But really I wasn’t struggling with my own dad issues this time around but rather my grandpa. It’s just that i know Father’s Day is hard for him because he lost my grandma who gave him his babygirl, my momma. And I didn’t push any emotional induced conversation at all. But as we ate dinner the conversation was about how well he used to get paid as a server waaaay back when and that he’d have stacks in his pocket lmao we were like yeh okay as a waiter all right,, and he sorta slipped up and said, “No really! Ask Mama!” And I’m pretty sure only me and my brother in law heard because he moved on really quickly and there were side convos happening but like a wave of emotions came over me. I teared up the second I heard him say her name because it just reminded me more about how hard this day must be for him. And my throat is swelling up jus typing about it rn so I’m not gonna get eVEN more into it.

But yeah overall June has been okay. I have felt okay. And after months of not going on here I just thought “why not type about this?? This content feelin is all I crave and have been longing for and whenever I get it, in even the slightest, it should be appreciated and remembered.”

Whoop so like what’s some good things that happened in the last few months. Hmmm

Well I’m just finally acting, in the tiniest way ever, as an adult. I didn’t take grip of my life yet but like I took A STEP!!

I’ve got new things I like and am more open than ever to new things.

I’ve got hobbies!! I’m growing mint and wanna start and herb garden. I’m reading and learning a new language that I’ll probably never use but I’m learning it for fun and not for a grade or something and am taking my time with it. And a new language brings so much more!! More people, music, shows and writing!! I mean I’m at a hella basic level but all of those things are helping me.

I’ve thought about reigniting old flames lmao that sounds like getting intouch with old lovers but no. I mean creatively. In the past three years I barely even thought about drawing and in the past few months I found myself thinking about things I could draw up and cool ways to mix medias. I actually looked for my sketchbook and was gonna test it out but I saw some of my old work and got nostalgic and was almost putting myself in my shoes from that year and like that didn’t sit well so I haven’t tried. bUT at least I’m thinking about it again. I really think imma start again soon and just the thought of that makes me happy!!

I took up writing and the result is exactly what I thought,,, I suck at writing lmao but I tried and it was fun and it led me to find some writers online that made me cry over some fictional characters. some were fan fiction and??? A writer no less.. which really doesn’t need to be explained more especially on this site lol

I’m getting healthier. Not that I was suuuuper bad before but it was good either. I did have some horrible eating and sleep habits. I swear I was addicted to food like I ate to fill a void in me idk but l changed that shit real quick. And as for sleep,, well it’s still shit. Considering I started typing this at nearly six am nowhere near tired. Lately I’ve been falling asleep around 6:30am which indeed results in my waking up at noon or past it even but it’ll surely go back to the usual 2:30 to 10:30am schedule. Not too bad...

I’m dressing up again! I don’t go anywhere but catch me looking cute in a fit at home or 7-11. lol I used to be hella into getting dolled up for school and used to play around with hair cuts and colors and different makeup but then suddenly it was like mAYbe I’ll do my eyebrows today and rather than choosing good outfits I would wake up and change from my actual pjs to my outside pjs, loungewear, if you will.

Idk man i just am okay right now and that’s enough to keep me going. I haven’t had a really low point for a few months now and like I said I don’t get this content feeling very often so I’m just really soaking it all up. It’s good, I’m good.. 2018 is fucking flying and I didn’t think I’d get into new things this year but I did and I’m exited for more!!

#im excited that im alive but no necessarily excited about living this life #IM OKAY THO WHOOP I AIN GETTING DOWN NOW!!#its the middle if pride month like #idk okay im done lmao #me

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