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beraattelse · 6 years

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See Me Chap 1

The shadow sitting at the corner of his eye hadn’t gone away, even as he forced himself to focus harder on the computer in front of him. He could feel his pulse in his ears. He looked up briefly from the keyboard to watch the professor writing notes on the board. His own pulse was too loud, drowning out whatever lesson was going on. He typed the jumble of letters, but he couldn’t quite make sense of what it said-- so long as he got it down, it didn’t matter. He swallowed hard, trying to keep up, but even the letters on his keyboard looked foreign. His lungs gasped in air unevenly, he couldn’t pay attention to so many things at once.

For a moment, he closed his eyes and stopped typing. His mind was on fire, but completely blank, he couldn’t form a full thought even if he wanted to. He took a deep breath, as deep as he could and refocused. As he exhaled, he could start to hear the discussion happening between the professor and another student.

“So you’ll be venturing into the Japanese Meiji-era economics that were strongly influenced by the German Historical school? Interesting. Why do you think this is relevant now?” The professor, who had previously been on a different tangent about the Nazi Labor market with a different student, now moved to the next student to individually vet each of their topics, he hadn’t thought of one yet.

He was next, and as he watched the student next to him squirm in an effort to answer the professor’s questions, he couldn’t help but feel his head begin to pound. His jaw tightened, teeth forced together, compounding the headache. His hands were sweating and his entire body felt like it was vibrating. He was cold and hot at the same time and his comprehension started to slip from him again.

“Psst, hey, En, you okay?” A hand touched his arm and he flinched back, searching to find the source of the hand.

“Fine.” He answered back tensely before he processed what had happened.

“You sure? You don’t look too good.” The voice asked, replacing the hand on his arm without hesitation.

“I’m fine.” He tried to not focus on the hand, even though a layer separated their skin from his, he could feel the itchiness and heat it was raising on his skin.

“Enya, it’s not going to be a big deal, I know you’ve been struggling a lot on your topic. They don’t expect us to have a really good idea right off the bat.” The hand attempted a reassuring squeeze but it felt like a bite to him.

He could feel sweat rolling down his neck and his breathing was ragged again. What should he say? What would get rid of them the fastest? How does he get them to stop touching him?

“You’re right. I should just relax. No big deal.” He inched away from the hand, and pretended to be taking notes on his computer again.

He felt a presence get closer to him, he could feel their breath on his neck, “Hey, if you want to talk it out after class, I’m free for an hour before my next class.”

The breath on his neck felt like bugs crawling on his skin, but he restrained himself from reaching for his neck. He moved away, tempted to leave immediately, in the middle of class.

“Enya. What’s your topic? Since you seem so inclined to talk during others’ discussion, I hope it is a worthwhile topic, and that you already know what you’re doing.” The professor called on him.

A pole shoved itself down his spine, making it rigid and hard for him to breathe again. He turned back to his computer to see if he had managed to take anything down of note, but he couldn’t read the page. He looked back at the professor, eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t make words come out yet.

“I’m waiting.” The professor stood at the board, ready to record his topic.

“I was... I was thinking.” He cleared his throat. “I have, I mean, there’s so much… I have a lot of… There were a few topics…” Words stumbled out of his mouth uncontrolled.

The professor blinked exaggeratedly, “Do you have a topic or were you just being rude because..?”

“There were a number, some things, I was trying to… I… I don’t not have a topic. I wanted, I was trying to narrow… You said to come with a few ideas. I was just thinking… I think I came with too many.” He finally coughed out, to which the professor sighed.

“Give me one then.” The professor, after pronouncing a thorough eye-roll, said.

He paused as the hand found its way to his back, rubbing it in a rhythmic pattern. His lungs forced another breath before he passed out. He wanted to rip his own skin off.

“Um… Like, maybe the Prison-Industrial Complex and the role of privatized prisons in exacerbating the problem?” He mumbled, unconsciously knitting his fingers together.

His professor looked back at him with an amount of skepticality, “And what is the problem, precisely?”

A lump formed in his throat, the answer bounced around inside his head, just out of reach, “Well… Um… Stuff’s happening… There’s a lot… It’s pretty complicated.”

With another sigh and eye-roll, the professor wrote the concept on the board, “I’m coming back to you. Have a solid answer. And maybe pay attention to what your classmates are saying.”

His head spun as the spotlight physically shifted to the guy next to him, the one who had been talking and touching him. He draped his arm around him, close.

“Mike, do you have a topic?” The professor asked, already fed up.

“Yeah, I was just going to apply economic theory to the resolution of nuclear treatise and disarmament.” He spoke crisply and without hesitation.

The professor looked back at him, then wrote the topic on the board, “I expect you to come up with an original paper with new ideas, not just a restatement of your poli. sci. thesis.”

“Of course, Brent. I’ve been thinking about this since last semester.” Mike answered back unprompted, giving his unwilling companion a squeeze.

The class continued, but it faded to the distance for him. His mouth felt dry, and still shaking, he wanted nothing more than to leave. The topic he had volunteered wasn’t the one he had been seriously considering, but it was the first one he could grab onto apparently. He watched the others in the class stumble and stutter through their own proposals, but without any criticisms from the professor. The professor’s antipathy for him had only grown over the years, but this semester he was unprecedented in his overt censure. Mike’s arm still snaked around his shoulders, making it hard for him to breath, the sensation of crawling bugs turned to steel-wool scratching his skin. It was time for him to leave. He didn’t wait for dismissal, or for anyone else to respond, he quietly but briskly packed his things and left the claustrophobic classroom.

He had a feeling Mike would have followed, but he cared about his image too much to risk displeasing the professor. The class was far outside of his mind by the time he made it to the door to leave. He hadn’t realized that other classes had let out early, making the halls crowded and the commons area nearly shoulder-to-shoulder. His brain was still on fire, the area behind his eyes ached as if his eyes were going to pop out of his head. His back ached with the additional weight of his backpack, packed to the brim with textbooks, folders, and notebooks. He kept his eyes glued to the ground, knowing where he was going without looking up, a skill he had perfected over the course of his time here in college. It helped make him feel small or invisible if he didn’t have to see other’s faces, the rules of object permanence made logical sense, but didn’t apply.

Without much effort, he found himself outside, in the fall breeze rolling off the nearby lake. He breathed in for what felt like the first time in years. His ribcage fully expanded, and his headache got worse as blood rushed to his head. It was nice to be out of the academic building for the first time in hours. It was only the second day back from summer, but it he hadn’t gotten acclimatized to the immediate and intense stress. He wanted to dull the sharpness of his anxiety, but had no means to do so. A walk might have helped, but it increased the risk of seeing students that knew him. He knew he should eat, but he was worried about not having enough points for the rest of the week. All the people who used to have weed graduated or had dropped out, he hadn’t thought ahead. He had run out of cigarettes last week, and couldn’t afford more, not that he had the means to go get more even if he could afford it. He breathed in again, tempted to spend points on coffee, but that would only make things worse and the cost of coffee was almost as much as a sandwich. He couldn’t remember when he last ate, and his stomach hurt, but that was a later concern.

His phone vibrated, “heye, hope you’re okay.”

It was Mike. He didn’t respond. He knew he meant well, but perhaps it was that he never seemed to pick up signals, that bothered him most. It was a frustrating in-between.

“Hey, Enya! How was your summer? Busy?” A new voice called to him from down the sidewalk.

He didn’t want to acknowledge that he’d heard them, but he looked up from his phone, electing to not be rude.

“Hi Lexi, it was busy. How was yours?” He squinted against the sun, and brought his hand to his forehead to be able to see her.

Instead of verbally responding, her body collided with his in a bear hug. She squeezed him tightly, her heavy purse hitting his side. She jumped up and down still holding him, much more excited to see him than he was to see her.

“I missed you! How are you and the new roommate?” She finally peeled herself away to reveal that she had actually been dragging someone behind her.

“I’m fine. Haven’t met them yet. Who’s this?” He could feel that she was hurt by how curt he was, but she had known him long enough to not pry any farther.

“Oh! Bridget, my girlfriend. I got rid of Bryce as soon as I got home this past summer. It was hard, I had to go through all our wedding plans and cancel everything.” She waved her hand flippantly as if that somehow lessened the impact of the news.

His panic spiked, not knowing how to respond, “I’m really sorry to hear that, Lexi. I had no idea.”

She smiled brightly, “Don’t worry babe, I kept it on the downlow for the most part. I thought about posting everywhere how big of a goddamn cheater he was, but I figured he wasn’t worth any more energy. And anyway, Bridget is a thousand, a million times better in every way.”

Lexi clutched Bridget’s hand in both of hers and kissed her cheek without hesitation. Bridget was already flushed, but she looked down, shy.

“Don’t worry about Enya, she’s cool.” Lexi said as an aside to Bridget.

He looked at Lexi with meaning in his eyes and a will to shut her mouth.

“Enya used to be my roommate, you remember, right? The hero to my tragedy.” Lexi said dramatically, clenching a fist as if she was talking to poor Yorick.

He rolled his eyes at this, but elected to stick out a hand to shake Bridget’s hand. Bridget hesitantly shook his hand, confused as to the formality of his greeting. He was never sure what was appropriate when greeting someone, and anyway he didn’t like touching people or being touched but hands were bearable.

“Since when did you get so touchy? A hug and a handshake within five minutes! You must be with someone.” Lexi looked at him expectantly, waiting to hear all the juicy details.

He quickly dropped Bridget’s hand, “No. I’m not being touchy. I’m not with anyone, Lexi.”

He shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets, moodily. She always poked fun at him, but the whole relationship thing was a sensitive button to poke for him. Especially for her to bring it up in front of someone else, who was not in the know. Bridget, sensing an increased tension, gently tickled Lexi.

“Can we go get coffee before class?” Bridget asked sweetly, bringing her face close to Lexi’s as if she was going to kiss her.

“Of course baby, go on ahead, I’ll be right behind you.” Lexi said with just as much sugar in her voice, and pecked Bridget on the cheek.

Bridget waved a goodbye, then went into the building he had just come out of. Lexi watched her go before giving him a long stare, her entire countenance darkening.

“I thought you said you were moving out?” Lexi said after a moment.

He finally looked away, “I haven’t.”

Lexi reached her hand inside his hoodie pocket to grab one of his hands. She was never good with boundaries, ever since they had met. She sighed and looked at him sadly, clearly contemplating what to say.

“Then…At least you’re here. You have a bit more space here, right?” She snaked her other hand in his pocket, wrapping her fingers in his.

He brought himself to look at her again, “I mean, that’s pretty dependent on if my roommate knows.”

His skin felt clammy and gross, but this was the way she had decided communicate with him. She always had to hold hands when she was having a heart-to-heart, that was also her signal when she needed to talk about something important. She said that it made her feel better, more confident to be able to say what she needed to, because they were more connected. If she held hands with someone, they were in the inner circle. She squeezed his hands, searching for something in his eyes.

“You said you haven’t met him yet?” She asked, quietly, looking around.

“No.” He paused, debating on whether or not to cooperate and give her more information, “It said on the form that he would be moving in early, before me, but there’s nothing in the common that’s his, so I don’t know. I would check his dorm, but his door’s locked and I can’t open it with my key.”

Lexi nodded, but remained quiet, a prompt for further details in her world.

“I keep thinking I’m hearing something every once in awhile, but I used to do that with you too, even when you weren’t there. I don’t know what kind of information he got on me. He didn’t even send me an email to ask what I was bringing for the common or anything.” He said quickly and quietly, as if his roommate would materialize if he talked about him.

“What’s his name?” Lexi asked, she knew virtually everyone that lived on campus on account of being an RA for a time, and being in a number of clubs since she started going here.

“Sunyoung Moon.” He responded with some hesitancy.

Her face lit, “I don’t know him, but that name sounds exotic! Maybe he’s an exchange student and he’s shy?”

“Lexi, it’s not exotic, it’s Korean. Do we even get Korean students here? And just because it’s Korean, doesn’t mean he came from Korea.” He said despondently.

“Finn, it is now my mission to find your new roommate and make him as miserable as I used to make you. He is posthumously my new roommate too.” Lexi smiled widely, looking slightly absurd.

“Um, no. Lexi, please. He’s already got to deal with me.” Finn frowned, pleading in his eyes.

“Um, Lexi, yes. What better way to break the ice? You guys can bond over how much you hate me!” She laughed, clearly joking, taking her hands out of his pocket, the moment was over.

Finn looked at her with reluctance, she knew him better than anyone else on campus, but she still didn’t seem to know him that well.

“Who knows? Maybe you guys will even hook up?” She winked impishly, skipping away to reunite with her girlfriend.

#see me #seeme #my work #slice of life #my fiction

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actutrends · 4 years

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Jeremy’s 2020 Apple predictions: Save your money for these new devices

As a daily Mac, iPhone, iPad, and Apple Watch user, I know the first impulse when receiving something new from Apple is to open the box and start setting the device up right away — it’s exciting to get something new and shiny! So if you’re lucky enough to get one of those packages during this week’s holidays, that’s awesome, and you should enjoy it.

Unless, of course, you’re interested in waiting just a little while longer for something noticeably better. There’s every reason to believe 2020 will be a big year for new Apple products — possibly one of the biggest in the company’s history. Major changes are afoot for several existing product families, including iPhones and Macs, and there’s even some potential for a brand new Apple device category (AR glasses) to at least get publicly previewed this coming year.

Here’s what you need to know before you decide to hang onto an Apple product purchased or gifted in late 2019.

iPhone 12

Although the details all fall into the “rumors and speculation” category, Apple’s iPhone lineup is widely expected to receive a massive overhaul in 2020, including the major feature improvements that typically kick off upgrade “supercycles.” Today’s flagship iPhone 11 and iPhone 11 Pro are expected to be redesigned into iPhone 12 models with larger screens, 5G cellular capabilities, and better cameras. There’s even a rumor that Apple might get rid of the front screen “notch” on these devices. Separately, the iPhone 8 has been tipped to evolve into an entry-level “iPhone SE2” or “iPhone 9” with internal chip improvements.

Should you hold out for one of these devices? That’s up to you. But if I were going to upgrade to a 2019 or 2020 phone, I would personally wait on an iPhone 12, as I wouldn’t want to spend the next several years using a phone that didn’t support faster, increasingly available 5G networks.

iPad Pro

Very little is known for sure about Apple’s next-generation iPad Pro tablets, but they’re typically on a 1.5-year upgrade cadence. Since the current iPad Pro was released in 2018 with no updates or price changes during 2019, that virtually guarantees new and improved models are coming in 2020 — quite possibly in the first half of the year.

Above: Apple’s third-generation 12.9-inch iPad Pro (left) and 11-inch iPad Pro.

Image Credit: Jeremy Horwitz/VentureBeat

Historically, the company has been comfortable reusing prior industrial designs for years if they’re working well for users, and the current iPad Pros have been widely praised for their relatively compact sizes, light weights, and notchless Face ID implementations. In the coming year, they’ve been tipped to follow iPhones in getting multiple rear cameras and are likely to see fairly major performance bumps, moving from last year’s A12X Bionic to a next-generation A14-series chip based on a 5-nanometer process.

There’s also the potential of a move to 5G cellular capabilities in 2020, as well as a possible shift to a superior screen technology — either mini LED or OLED. In any case, as much as I love the 11-inch iPad Pro I bought in 2018, I would certainly hold off for the updated model at this point rather than buying old hardware so close to 2020.

Apple Watch Series 6

Last year’s Apple Watch Series 4 was the family’s first huge top-to-bottom redesign — everything from screens to chips and sensors received upgrades. This year’s Apple Watch Series 5 was one of the smallest updates in the product’s history: no CPU bump, no design bump, and only two new features.

Above: Apple Watch Series 5.

Image Credit: Dean Takahashi

No one’s sure what’s coming to the Series 6 model, but rumors have suggested that there could be a new micro LED screen enabling either thinner Watch designs or longer battery life, plus brighter and more color-accurate visuals. Apple’s uncharacteristic skipping of processor improvements in 2019 sets the stage for big gains in 2020’s S-series chip, as well.

Wild card: Apple TV 8K or 4K

It’s really hard to know what Apple is going to do with the next-generation Apple TV. The last two generations — currently called Apple TV HD and Apple TV 4K — remain on sale together at price points ranging from $149 to $199, where they seemingly haven’t made much of a dent in the marketplace. Rather than bringing the entry price (like the third-generation Apple TV) back to $69 or $99, or releasing a Roku/Amazon Fire TV-style streaming stick, Apple has stuck to higher-priced devices that just don’t sell as well.

Assuming Apple remains in the streaming TV hardware business, a possible next move would be to support 8K video output as televisions begin transitioning to the higher-resolution standard. Doing so would require a faster CPU/GPU than the current A10X Fusion — perhaps the A12X or A13 Bionic — as well as a refresh of the current tvOS interface and apps to support these screens.

I call this a “wild card” because rumors have suggested that an Apple TV hardware refresh is in the works for early 2020, but it still feels too early for Apple to jump on the 8K bandwagon, given how few TVs and 8K content providers are out there — something that’s expected to change starting with the 2020 Summer Olympics. The company could release another 4K model with long-awaited teleconferencing features akin to Facebook’s Portal TV, or it could do nothing this year.

Macs: Fixed MacBooks, ARM chips, and 2020 iMac

As a Mac user with growing kids, this was a particularly tough holiday season since I received requests for Mac computers that I’m not willing to purchase. My eldest daughter is ready for a MacBook laptop, but after multiple Butterfly keyboard repairs, I won’t buy or recommend that anyone else buy another MacBook until that’s been fixed — something Apple belatedly began with the 16-inch MacBook Pro last month and will supposedly fix in other models starting in 2020.

The bigger issue looming over Apple’s entire Mac lineup is a transition from Intel chips to Apple’s own ARM processors, a move that’s expected to yield major performance and power efficiency boosts. Though this will supposedly start in 2020, it’s unlikely to happen all at once like a thunderclap, instead beginning with consumer machines (such as MacBook Airs) before scaling up to Pro models.

On the positive side, if you have a Mac with an Intel chip, you’re able to run classic Windows apps either through Boot Camp or emulation, something ARM-based Macs probably won’t be able to do. But otherwise, Mac laptops with Apple-designed chips will likely achieve much longer battery life, faster boot times, and — finally — iPad- or better-quality graphics, even in entry-level machines.

How the Intel/Apple transition will impact other machines, such as Apple’s all-in-one desktop iMac, remains unclear. Rumors of a major iMac redesign have persisted for years, and adoption of A-series or similar chips could enable the next all-in-one to be thinner and lighter than Apple’s last consumer monitors. Whether that happens in 2020 or 2021 remains to be seen.

Wild card: Apple AR Glasses

The company hasn’t confirmed this, but there’s plenty of evidence to suggest Apple is working on augmented reality glasses that will depend on iPhones, mirroring Qualcomm’s support for AR glasses that rely on Android phones. Though a late 2017 report suggested the hardware would likely debut in 2020, more recent claims have pointed to 2022 or later — something that’s hard to square with the AR headset support found in iOS 13. But anything’s possible.

Regardless of when the hardware actually hits stores, Apple typically uses a multi-month reveal period to build hype, corral developers, and secure regulatory approvals ahead of debuting a new product category. If the AR glasses are coming in 2021, we may well see them at an event in 2020, just like the Apple Watch’s 2014 reveal ahead of 2015 availability. But if they’re really not coming until 2022, the official reveal might not happen until 2021.

It’s clear from all of the other likely products above that Apple won’t need AR glasses to generate excitement during 2020. But as Qualcomm-backed companies such as Nreal line up deals with Chinese, German, and Japanese cellular carriers to get phone-tethered AR headsets into the marketplace in 2020, Apple will need to decide whether it wants to show up early and be perceived as an “innovator,” or show up later with the resulting consequences.

In any case, there will be plenty of good reasons to save those Apple Store gift cards and your extra dollars for 2020. Hold off if you can!

The post Jeremy’s 2020 Apple predictions: Save your money for these new devices appeared first on Actu Trends.

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