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#i thought it was jurgen leitner at first but it isnt
viral-spirals · 3 months
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THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL SPOILERS for episode 4!!!!!
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can we talk about how similar these feel
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He is getting really worked up about those books.
The whole Jurgen Leitner Harrison Campbell rant was provided by the fantastic @franzis-frantic-thoughts.
(yes we know it says Howard. Hamid is too angry to remember names.)
ID under the cut because it’s a bit longer
[ID: two digital, fully coloured drawings of Hamid from Rusty Quill Gaming, ranting about a book.
Hamid is a brown-skinned, egyptian Halfling with dark, curly hair. He is wearing a purple three-piece-suit and is holding a purple book titled “When Passions Collide”. In the second drawing he has orange glowing eyes, scales across his cheeks and sharp claws.
The text above him says: “HOWARD CAMPBELL??? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING HOWARD CAMPBELL GODS DAMN FOOL BOOK PUBLISHING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT BARD OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN AUTHOR MOTHERFUCKING HORWAD CAMPBELL STOP RECORDING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT HORWAD CAMPEBELL I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE SELL SO MANY FUCKING BOOKS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO HAVE HIS CHARACTERS FUCK AROUND JUST LET THEM BE SINGLE IS HE PINING IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD
[Zolf from the side: Actually his moustache was fine, thank you.]
GET AWAY FROM ME! if i wanted to get into an afterlife plane and one of the gods said horwad campbells waiting inside i would breathe fire at that gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down
[Azu from the side: Hamid!]
if i have to deal with horwad campbell speaking one word in person on voice in this pub not only will i close the pub i will burn it down out of spite and well all have to move somewhere else for the experience of being somewhere where he was not i dont even know why i hate him so much. he writes books. but i am just mad because im aro he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos obsessed with his lost love and wanted to project on his otherwise solid characters ill go ham
[Wilde from the side: Ham-id]
BETTER have had a lover try and kill him cuz if he didn't im going to.
[Zolf, to Wilde: Wait. You don't think Bertie and Campbell...]
heres the tip jar Hope and Heart Hates Campbell book isnt even by him. vaguely mentions what is supposed to maybe be a reference and i lost it where the fuck is horwad campbell if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt crusty old man ill claw campbell and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge dragon fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final manuscript he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient draconic im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point
[Cel from the side: And breathing little flames, buddy]
i hope theres a date given for when campbel died or will die so i can make it a reminder in my diary everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many love-at-first-sight books.” /End ID]
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zluty-spendlik · 1 month
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So I started listening to tma like two weeks ago, and thought Id share some of my thoughts with you- first i texted them to my friend but then I started writing them over here
MAJOR TMA SPOILERS FOR S1 AND S2!!!
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More of season 2:
Honestly if i were Barnabas i would also do anything for my hot witch gf
I love Gertrude but her voice makes me want to sleep
I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW MUCH THIS ISNT SASHA
Sasha would never say contientious
Idk why its funny to me that Michael couldve absolutely done some horror shit to Jon but he just stabs him
Also I feel so so bad for the woman that is now stuck in the weird corridors like imagine the terror and the hopelessness i hope her death cane quickly tbh
Also the vampires are back didnt expect that
I like Daisy
Ushanka is me in ict class honestly I hate ict class so much its super boring
Also the name ushanka is so freaking funny hes basically named "Funky hat" WHY
Yk I feel like someone needs to murder Salesa, hes a dangerous individual
The supplementals are the wildest shit EVER WDYM YOURE IN THE TUNNNELS GIRL
WHY IS THERE SO MANY THREADS THAT NEED UNRAVELING
Melanie is back lol
WOAH WAIT WHAT
WHAT
ITS REMARKABLY EASY TO BUY AN AXE IN CENTRAL LONDON??? WTF JON
JON DID YOU JUST FUCKING BREAK THE TABLE YOU IDIOT NOOO
HOLY SHIT HOOOLY SHIT STUFFS GOING DOWN
ARE TIM AND MARTIN IN THE CORRIDORS HOLY SHIT NO
Wait how did they make it out??
STAREMENT OF JURGEN LEITNER OHMYGOD
"We dont have time for you to have a breakdown archivist" yes we do give him a break
ELIAS WHAT ARE YOU--- OH
Soooo i guess leitner is dead?? Woah Elias truly doesnt care about being arrested huh
WAIT IS SASHA ACTUALLY DEAD?? NOOOO NONONO WAIT
I THOUGHT SHES JUST LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE SASHA NOOO
Okay that freaking scarred me ill miss sasha so much nooooo
I. I need a moment. (Sobbing)
Hhhhh okay ill just... god
I started s3 yesterday, I might follow up with my impressions
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histeetharenotsoft · 4 years
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honestly i have no idea how i’m supposed to make it to ep 165
because 162 killed me, like 3 times
spoilers below the cut!
ITS GERRY!!!!!! MR KEAY I MISS YOU
but this is the first time we’ve actually Heard him, not secondhand or with spooky ghost echo, just as a normal voice on a tape. and i just want to hug him so much because ohhhh boy he has no idea what’s going to happen and also i am love him
“do i get to hear them?” “perhaps. if you live long enough.” shut up gertrude shut the fuck up don’t just mention gerry dying so casually its Rude
hmmm i might write a fic where jon, sasha and gerry are somehow all the archivist because I Can Do What I Want
ooo here we have more fire in the archives foreshadowing
did. did gerry’s chair scrape when gertrude raised her voice. like he flinched. someone hug this man
and then his voice goes all quiet when gertrude is lecturing him and Mary Keay Can Catch These Hands
“you are occasionally useful despite your foolishness” wowwww gertrude. what glowing praise. don’t just say that to his face come onnnn
but “useful” though. “useful”. i know we already know gertrude is an ‘ends justify means’ type character but goddamn if that isn’t just a perfect description of her relationships with people: categorised by their use to her plans and nothing more
“the network of sinister tunnels that snake beneath the archive” gertrude definitely knows about the tunnels lets be real. she’s just protecting jurgen leitner stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner goddamn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whore
what i wouldn’t give for gerry to have canonically beaten up jurgen leitner more than once. that’s going in my triple archivist fic
“what happens if we fail” oh. oh no. oh no whats gertrude going to say
“i suspect death puts us beyond their power” hmmm. seems like a fair point but i feel like the end would come up with some fuckery because this universe is a bastard and doesn’t let anyone get the rest they deserve. this isn’t really important to the plot (at least I Hope Not) but the thought of eldritch fear gods being able to reach us after death... chills
“[actual death] is preferable to lingering in a world they control” oh no that’s not good for jon to hear
“they might even stop death entirely.” hmmm. HMMMMMM
“and taxes?” “taxes i imagine will continue” hell yeah jonny get his ass (’him’ being capitalism). also i know the coronavirus lockdown isnt exactly an apocalypse caused by eldritch fear gods forcing themselves through into our world, but considering the shit thats been going on? yeah i imagine taxes would continue
“could it be undone?” “no, i don’t think so” oh no. oh no jon. jon nooo. he’s just playing it over and over and god he must be feeling so guilty and helpless. he also gets a hug. and another. and then three more. then one more but it lasts for like an hour before i have to phase back into my own dimension
TIM AND SASHA i’m still not prepared to hear their voices i love they
sasha is so competent she’s incredible and i am in awe of her
hell yeah tim is drinking his respect woman juice
“jimmy magma. joany magnum? jack magnet” asjdfhakjfhakjhfk tim you’re the best
“what if we kill him” Fuck Off Jonny You Can’t Do That
SADHJA WAS GOIJNG YO QUIKT I AM SJDFHKJLASLKFDJGKSDJHF
holy fuck we got canon timsasha. also “you’re not the love interest”??? sasha was a lesbian. source: me, also a lesbian. who can Do What She Wants
“you might be the character they drop after the pilot” sasha no dont say that!!!! as the character who was dropped after the pilot (ok season not episode but still) i have determined that is Illegal. and yes i know sasha was killed off for entirely valid reasons and not just dropped but shhhh i am hurting
“i dont have anything keeping me here” oh sasha. oh you sweet summer child. i wish that was the case. i really do
oh hey sasha knew about tim’s brother? martin told tim about his CV? THE S1 ARCHIVE STAFF WERE FRIENDS AND I MISS THEM A LOT BECAUSE GODDAMMIT THE S3/4 STAFF DIDN’T FOUND-FAMILY LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO
“no such thing as the real you”? “it’s all just masks”??? jonny stop stop im already dead you dont need to kill me again
(god i fucking hate that i get the stanislavsky bit. i only did drama gcse but the exam was terrible because none of the exam board’s practice questions were even anywhere close so no one was prepared and i spent so long revising all these pointless notes on how to answer the difficult questions and i regret it So Much and any reminder of that fucking bullshit exam i had to do Fills Me With Rage
“if you get eaten alive by improperly filed statements, me and martin will avenge you... we’ll burn this place to the ground.” god i am in pain. not only do we have more archives arson foreshadowing but we also have this line that hits like a punch in the gut because they didn’t avenge sasha, did they?
“i find it highly unlikely this sasha ever even existed at all” “i’m unforgettable” shut up shut the fuck up is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED???? because it fucking shouldnt be. it’s murder jonny time lads!!!
is. is jon crying. oh no
and then he gets fucking posessed by the cabin?? i love how the format of the statements has changed its very interesting
The One You Love The One You Love The One You Love
jonmartin are so in love that even eldritch fear cabins can’t not see it. jonny really said “you can read their relationship as platonic... but i am going to do my goddamn best to make that hard for you” huh
and fuck, this statement. it’s so creepy and i love how we cant distinguish which entity it is, because does it even matter any more? the list of 14 was a human creation anywhere, i think the ‘different parts of a body’ metaphor l*itner used is makes more sense now. it doesn’t matter which part of the body is attacking you, it matters that you’re being attacked in the first place so figuring out which part it is isn’t really a priority any more
but i think it’s mostly stranger and spiral? i also get very vague corruption vibes from the description of the planks because “they are warmer, softer and more yielding than the timber they present”? ugghhhh. corruption has often been associated with this kind of ‘wrong’ warmth (think jon amherst) and it also brings to mind that episode where the guy nails meat all over his walls and the rot makes the statement giver’s ceiling collapse. but then there’s the lonely there too, because yes jonmartin have each other but jon says it himself: “it will not let you feel the warmth of joy this love may claim to gift”. just try tell me the concept of being unable to find happiness in love isn’t Lonely, even if it’s not entirely true
but yeah basically i love the merging of entities present in this creepy statement
“our tomb” huh. the pov changes here, it’s gone from talking about jon in second person, to talking as jon in first person. so if jon wasn’t possessed by SpOoKy CaBiN like i thought (because if he was, why would he suddenly switch like this? it doesnt make sense)... then what was making that statement? my instinct is to say it was The Archivist or rather, The Archives talking about jon but like a separate personality, which... yikes
“[this will be] my chrysalis. it is time that i emerge.” monster jon? monster jon. this line gave me chills because damnnnn i love me some good eldritch!jon
“i wanted to leave and hunt down elias” hell yeah jon go and brutal pipe murder that bastard its what you deserve
martin has packed bags already and he brought tea and i love him so muchhhhh
and jon’s smile is AUDIBLE he loves martin so much my tiny heart can’t handle it
“we got this.” “apparently so 😍 “ just tell me you can’t hear the heart eyes in jon’s voice. oh wait. you cant
LET MARTIN BURN SOMETHING ITS WHAT HE DESERVES
“we can’t fight the world, martin” “says you” afkjhasfkjhadkjghdakjghakdgf
to summarise:
get ready for me to type out the same summary for all 40 episodes because jesus fucking christ. jonny’s writing never fails to make me Feel All The Emotions at once. i give this one a spooky sentient cabin out of 10
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