#i want a girl version of grindr more than anything

[pierog]

#i want a girl version of grindr more than anything #why dont we do messages like this #HSHDH #this is an opening msg my flatmate received #grindr #lgbt #gay #elden ring #soulsborne

[yououghtaknow]

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff. 

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop. 

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck. 

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six 

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap. 

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo 

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them. 

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

#skam brighton #skam brighton spoilers #isaac speaks #who wants my two page long essay on you oughta know but specifically for MY nonbinary comic relief character with christian trauma #i am fucking crazy BUT i am free :)

[nancydrew65]

SKAM NL Season 2 Episode 4 Thoughts

This episode, like the last, was so different it was almost like a whole new episode. I was constantly surprised by each new clip.

I Hate Monday

Isa and Janna are studying for a German test they have that day, while Engel keeps furtively glancing at the school entrance. The girls joke about Engel’s fantastic pink sunglasses and their failure of a benefit. In order to cheer Engel up, they all crowd in for a group hug and peck Engel on the forehead. Ah, the Dutch girl squad is so cute. Also, Janna’s encouragement was beautiful. I want to see more of her and Engels’ relationship.

Liv receives a racy photo of Ralph that was clearly not meant for her.

Unsurprisingly, Engel is looking for Noah. Janna reveals that Noah was with a girl when he found out about his mother. I wonder who that girl could be? In the background of the conversation you can see a shot of Isa looking confused. You know this is the moment she pieces everything together.

Oh, Liv is giving Noah a call! She really is the sweetest Noora. Also, constantly calling and checking up on a boy is not the greatest way to send the message that you are not interested in him. Noah doesn’t pick up which is not the least bit surprising.

You’re the Girl Noah was With

I love how they had the time stamp in front of the huge heart, and then they cut to Liv. They do this again with the flowers at the funeral in the Friday clip.

Liv is doing homework when she is called to her balcony by Isa. Isa is there holding a massive blow-up heart. I love Isa and her friendship with Liv is everything. I think Isa, and the other Evas in general are so overlooked. They truly are fantastic, complex characters with hearts of gold.

Also, this has to be the cutest way an Eva has told a Noora she has found her out.

Liv is way less defensive than Noora was about the date. I thought it was a nice touch that Isa asked Liv how the date went. Like I never felt any of the girl squad ever interacted with William or really cared about Noora’s relationship with him (other than the drama with Vilde in the beginning).

Isa is the voice of reason, saying Liv should just tell Engel about the date. Of course, Liv decides not to. She asks Isa to keep the secret. I love how cool Isa is with it. She doesn’t push Liv or anything. She just calmly agrees to it.

He Doesn’t Reply

Liv is in the bathroom at school when she hears what sounds suspiciously like someone throwing up. Turns out Engel is in the stall and she says she has the stomach flu. Like, come on. We all know that is a lie. Oh, Engel. I really wish she wasn’t doing this to herself. Look, anyone developing an eating disorder is awful. But Engel is already so thin that it is almost worse.

As Liv braids Engel’s hair, Engel goes on a long talk about Noah and how awful his life is because his mother just died and his father doesn’t pay attention to him. I hope we don’t go too much into this because I feel like OG leaned way too heavily into tell not show, when it should be the opposite. I want this information to be revealed more naturally through the course of the storyline. Learn from OG’s mistakes, SKAM NL.

Yikes. We get this little interaction where Engel asks Liv not to tell the girls about her “stomach flu”. OK, I didn’t really like this scene. The whole point of the clip is revealed to be about Liv wondering how she should approach Noah. So, this whole scene emphasizes Liv’s feelings towards Noah, when it should be about how grave Engel’s eating disorder is. If this had been a short clip with an emphasis on Engel’s ED and then we got a separate clip about Liv’s conflict over Noah, I would have been happier.

Liv heads home to find her quiche has been eaten. There was a nice moment where Liv took out her headphones and was hit with the noise and commotion coming from the living room.

Jayden and Kes are playing video games while Lucas and Ralph are looking at Ralph’s phone. Ugh, the boys have made a mess of the living room. Liv shuts down the video game and puts out the joint Jayden is about to smoke. The boys complain about how much of a square she is and then leave. Liv is totally in the right in this scene, though. I mean, it is her apartment. They made a mess and ate her food. They should be groveling for her approval.

Then, we get such an amazing little scene. When they were on the couch, Lucas was helping Ralph check out guys on Grindr, and he was actually remarking about their relative cuteness. This is so different from how Isak was in that Season 3 scene where he didn’t want to remark on the boys Eakins was showing him on Grindr. I think overall, SKAM NL has given us hints that Lucas is more comfortable in his sexuality than Isak was, like with the scene in the cabin episode in Season 1 where he and Kes danced together. I do think he probably has the same issues with being stereotyped as gay like Isak did because there is this whole exchange where Lucas is like. “You call him cute, right? All you gays.” IDK, but I swear to god, if we don’t get a Lucas season, I will cry.

Liv storms off to her room. Ralph, being the loveable teddy bear he is, notices this and goes to talk to her. I think Ralph, overall, cares a lot more about Liv than Eskild did about Noora. Or else, he is more obvious about it. He shoves his phone in Lucas’ hand and you can see the shocked look on Lucas’ face. That must be an awkward situation. Like, without Ralph, he doesn’t really have a reason to be checking out Grindr, but you know he wants to.

Ralph asks Liv what is wrong, and then Esra joins them. She and Ralph had a were supposed to meet up. Liv confesses that she doesn’t know what to do about Noah. She doesn’t say this in so many words, but it is obvious who the conversation is about. Esra and Ralph give some pretty solid advice, just saying that there is no specific thing you can say to make everything better and that you just have to be there for that person.

I Could Sleep on the Couch

Liv heads to Noah’s house to talk to him and the funeral for his mom is going on. I’m not sure if Liv knew about the funeral, but I’m figuring she didn’t. If she knew, then Engel knew, and Engel most definitely would have shown up.

A lady guides Liv through the house. I can’t figure out how she is related to Noah. Is she his aunt? She is kind of comical; she compares the death of Noah’s mother to her dog dying, which… yeah, you shouldn’t do that.

Whew, they have an open casket. I really hate open caskets, but maybe that is just because I have had awful experiences with them. I just feel like the person is no longer themselves once they have died and so you’re just looking at a stranger who has been dolled up by the funeral people, so they look presentable… ugh, I just can’t stand it.

But, on another note, are we ever going to find out how Noah’s mom died? Because I feel like that is important.

Liv takes a piece of pound cake up to Noah’s room, and Hallelujah! Noah’s room reflects his personality. There are paintings strewn all over the messy room. I felt like we never got to know William’s personality or interests, and his room was basically bare, so we never knew anything about him, except his tragic backstory and the fact that he was in love with Noora. I am so glad SKAM NL is giving this character more than that.

Noah tells Liv his mother was crazy and that she left the family to live on a commune. Oooookay. What is with SKAM and crazy mothers? SKAM NL is the worst with this. So many characters on their show have messed up mothers: Lucas, Jayden, and now, Noah.

Noah kind of lashes out at Liv, saying he is tired of pursuing her. He tells her to leave. This is one of the only times I understand this move from a William. In most of the remakes, he has been constantly pursuing her, and then he says this line. At least her, Noah was reeling from his mother's death, so he is probably in a very emotional state.

Liv storms out, but promptly returns and parks herself on Noah’s couch. They sit side by side, just listening to music. I think several hours go by because suddenly, the light is different.

And wow. This is the most a Noora has wanted to stay the night at a William’s house. Ralph called her, and said he was at home to let her in. Liv just shuts that phone call down and pretends she has no way to get into her apartment.

Noah and Liv get into his bed. Right as that happens, Ralph texts Liv. Noah picks up her phone and reads the texts. Okay, but why did he look at her phone. In OG, it made more sense because it was his phone tha5 they were using to communicate with Eskild. Here, Noah took Liv’s phone and looked at it without permission. Hmmmm.

He teases Liv about liking him, and then they both go to bed.

General Thoughts

I enjoyed this episode, especially the last two clips. They were both so different from OG. Honestly, at this point, it hardly feels like I am watching a Noorhelm remake. Noah and Liv’s vibe is so different from Noora and William’s. Noah is the most unique version of William I think. For one, he mofe of a personality and he is also an artist, which is very different from the popular fuckboy attitude that William had. Liv seems way more into Noah than any other versions of her character have been at this point. I actually buy this because although Noah has still acted like a jerk sometimes, he is much better than William was. I bet next week, they will have their first kiss. I wonder how it will happen because I doubt Noah will hold a fundraiser. I am actually really excited. They are one of the only Noorhelm versions I can stomach together. It is really only this version and Druck. Alright then, until next week!

#skamnl #skam remakes #skam reaction

[terriblelifechoices]

💖 Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile! 💖 (💖 have a lovely day!💖)

Thanks, anon!  I hope you have a lovely day, too!

I wasn’t sure what kind of fic you’d enjoy, so I hope you don’t mind getting a bit of one of my FBAWTFT AU’s.

This one’s a Batman!AU.  I don’t have much beyond this.  But, basically, Graves is Batman, Theseus is Alfred, and Credence, Chastity and Modesty are Graves’ wards who will eventually be part of the Batfamily.  Just as soon as they figure out that Graves is Batman.

They have not exactly figured that out yet.  

In which cookies are eaten, and Theseus and Percival discuss comparative mythologies.  Or, two versions of how Theseus and Percival met.  Both are terrible for Credence’s blood pressure.

Chastity noticed the silence first.

It wasn’t that Modesty couldn’t be quiet – Ma believed that children should be seen and not heard and had raised them all accordingly – it was just that she usually wasn’t.  Especially not now that she was finally free of Ma’s influence.

Technically, Chastity thought, all of them were free of Ma’s influence.  She wasn’t sure she ever would be, and she didn’t have half the scars or the hurts that Credence did.  Credence had seen to that.

Dr. Queenie would have disapproved of that last thought.  She would have been careful not to say so, but Chastity had grown up with the minefield of Ma’s temper.  She could tell when Dr. Queenie disapproved.

Dr. Queenie would have told her not to take Credence’s hurts as her own.  “Everyone has their own hurts, honey,” she would have said.  “You have to let them carry theirs, just like you carry your own.”

That refrain was so familiar Chastity could practically hear Dr. Queenie’s soft, gentle voice inside her head.

Chastity resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the imaginary Dr. Queenie.  Dr. Queenie didn’t get it.  That was what they did, she and Credence and Modesty.  The three of them had no one else.  She and Credence had done their best to keep the worst of their burdens from Modesty, but Modesty was too smart for her own good.  It was impossible to keep everything from her.

Still.  They hadn’t done all that badly.  Out of all of them, Modesty had the fewest scars, physical or otherwise.  She’d also settled into their new life the fastest.

It helped, Chastity thought, that Theseus and Mr. Graves actually seemed to like Modesty’s irrepressible curiosity.  Neither of them ever seemed to get impatient or even the slightest bit angry when Modesty asked question after question, no matter how inappropriate or embarrassing.

Chastity went down the stairs, heading for Theseus’ kitchen.

She liked Theseus’ kitchen.  It was airy and bright and clean, stuffed full of every kitchen gadget known to man.  She suspected that was Mr. Graves’ doing, because Theseus rarely used any of them, preferring to cook the way Chastity had been taught: with glass mixing bowls and a well-loved set of pots and pans.  It was the sort of kitchen Chastity had dreamed about when Ma was teaching her to cook.  A woman’s place was in the kitchen, when it wasn’t underneath her husband, and she’d dreamed of a place that could be hers – just hers.  And surely, if she pleased her husband enough – if he enjoyed her cooking enough – then surely she could have one place where she wouldn’t be expected to spread her legs and smile.

The kitchen at Graves Manor belonged to Theseus, though.  It would never be hers.

Chastity didn’t mind.  Theseus knew how to cook everything.  He let her help, sometimes, once she made it clear that she really wanted to rather than because Ma had taught her that she should.  Mr. Graves always praised her meager efforts.  Chastity still couldn’t tell how he always knew which dishes were hers.

Her efforts had been painfully obvious in the beginning, but now Chastity couldn’t see any difference between what she produced and what Theseus did.   She was so careful to imitate Theseus: to chop vegetables as fine as any food processor could, to season them to perfection and plate them like a Michelin star chef.  How did Mr. Graves always know?

She’d figure it out someday.  Maybe she’d even figure him out.

Or maybe not.  For someone who claimed to be as shallow as mirror glass, Mr. Graves was a remarkably complicated man.

Chastity could hear Modesty well before she ever saw her sister.

“You’ve known Mr. Percy forever, haven’t you, Mr. Theseus?”

“Modesty!” hissed Credence.  Oh, good, someone was keeping an eye on her.  “You shouldn’t be so familiar.  It’s rude.”

“Why?” Modesty asked.  Chastity could just see the mulish expression on her little face.  “Mr. Percy and Mr. Theseus both said it was okay, so it’s not rude.”

So there, her tone added, even if Modesty had the good sense not to say so out loud.

“They’re your elders and your betters,” Credence told her.  “They deserve your respect.”

“Your elders, certainly, lad,” Theseus said kindly.  “But certainly not your betters.  And to answer your question, Little Miss, I’ve known Percival for about a decade now.  Not quite forever.”

Chastity slipped into the kitchen and took the chair next to Credence while Theseus’ back was turned.  She frowned at their sister.  “Behave,” she mouthed.

Modesty stuck out her tongue, revealing a half-eaten chocolate chip cookie.

“Modesty,” Theseus said warningly.  “Don’t make faces at your sister.”

Chastity wondered how he’d known that she was there.  If she’d learned anything from Ma, it was how to be quiet.

Modesty swallowed her cookie.  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

Theseus set a plate with two enormous chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk in front of Chastity.

“Thank you,” Chastity said.

“You’re welcome,” Theseus told her.

“A decade is ten years, right?” asked Modesty.

“Well done!” said Theseus.  “Yes, it is.”

“That’s a long time,” said Modesty.  “How did you and Mr. Percy meet?”

“Ah, well,” said Theseus.  “D’you remember how I used to be a soldier?”

Chastity and Credence both winced.  How could they forget?  “Why do you have a limp” had been the first of many embarrassing, inappropriate questions Modesty had asked since coming to Graves Manor.

Modesty nodded.  “You were Special Air Service,” she said carefully, glancing at Theseus to make sure she’d gotten it right.

“Right again,” said Theseus.

“Was Mr. Percy Special Air Service, too?” asked Modesty.

Chastity swallowed her mouthful of cookie and held off on taking another bite, waiting for Theseus’ answer.  Beside her, she didn’t think Credence was even breathing, which meant that he was curious too.

“Lord, no,” Theseus said cheerfully.  “Although we did meet somewhere classified doing things I can’t tell you about.”

“You were in Afghanistan,” Credence guessed.

The timing fit, Chastity thought.  Although what a billionaire philanthropist would be doing in Afghanistan was a mystery to her.

“Something like that,” Theseus allowed.  “The folks at the Home Office had heard tell of a warlord up in the mountains who was training up insurgents as unstoppable assassins.  It all sounded a bit dodgy to me, but my unit got sent in to, ah, make him stop.”

Modesty rolled her eyes.  “You can say kill him,” she said.  “I’m not a baby.”

“Of course,” said Theseus.  “Silly me.”

“How did you meet Mr. Graves in Afghanistan?” Credence asked, returning them to the original conversation.  “Or somewhere like it?”

“Clever boy,” Theseus murmured.

Credence took a drink of his milk to cover how pleased he was by the praise.

“Like I said, my unit got sent in to deal with the local warlord.”

“And Mr. Percy?” prompted Modesty.  “Did the warlord kidnap him or something?”

“Lord, no.  He was the warlord.”

Credence spat milk all over the table in shock.  “What?”

“Ew, that’s gross, Credence,” Modesty complained.

“Not that we knew that at the time,” Theseus continued cheerfully, tossing Credence a damp rag to wipe the table down with.  “Seeing as he was dressed up like a harem girl at the time.”

“Oh my God,” said Credence.  His face was alarmingly red.  He didn’t seem to have noticed the rag, so Chastity took it from him and wiped the table down for him, wondering if he’d caught a sudden fever.

Modesty folded her arms across her chest.  “You’re making that up.”

“I would never,” said Theseus.

“You just said you were supposed to kill the warlord, ‘cause he was teaching instructables –”

“Insurgents,” Chastity corrected.

“Insurgents,” Modesty repeated.  “And then you said Mr. Percy was the warlord!  Mr. Percy’s not a warlord!”

Chastity had to admit, the idea did seem a little far-fetched.

Theseus winked.  “The details are classified.”

“Theseus,” Mr. Graves said from the doorway.  “What scandalous lies have you been telling?”

“Little Miss here wanted to know how we met,” Theseus explained.

“Oh,” said Mr. Graves, dismissive.  “Grindr.”

Credence made a noise like he was dying and went redder than Mr. Graves’ favorite flashy car.  Chastity was starting to worry that he was choking on something and helpfully leaned over to pound on his back.  Credence waved her off, visibly trying to get himself back under control.  That just made Chastity worry even more.  She hadn’t seen Credence’s control slip in years.  Ma would’ve punished him for it.

“What’s grindr?” Modesty asked.

“Something for grown-up’s,” Credence said firmly, his tone adding so don’t ask about it.

Chastity kind of wanted to ask about it.  She was old enough to know what it was, and to wonder why Credence knew what it was without having to have it explained to him.

“It’s a dating app,” explained Theseus.  “Which didn’t exist ten years ago, by the way.”

“Didn’t it?”

“No.”

Mr. Graves shrugged philosophically.  “Oh.  I guess we met some other way, then.  May I have a cookie?”

#my fic #tumblr fic #anon #batman!au #percival graves #theseus scamander #credence barebone #chastity barebone #modesty barebone #things i am not writing #fbawtft

[pharmaadult829]

Tinder For Gay Guys

Tinder For Gay Guys Video

Tinder For Gay Guys Online

While Tinder has been called “ Grindr for straight people,” a reference to the app that has become a staple for gay men looking for no-strings-attached sex, I find Michelle’s overt randiness.

Sep 02, 2019 Lesbians must first swipe past a parade of straight men. Queer women and non-binary folks have spent many frustrating years puzzling over the men that somehow slip through our Tinder settings.

Tinder is a notorious dating app. Heard, hear, it’s only for casual hookups. A dating app could lead to a serious relationship. You can definitely do it. It’s true, there are a lot of men who have used tinder to create real relationships with amazing women. This has resulted in unforgettable, memorable experiences.

In the summer of 2016, I was completely single for the first time in four years. I moved to a new city, and knew I wanted to meet new people. I was harboring my queerness, and at the time, only my ex-boyfriend knew of my sexuality. Most people in my life thought I was straight, but I knew I was attracted to people of any sex and gender – I knew I was queer. So when it came time to select my Tinder gender settings, I was pretty damn nervous about making my sexuality official. I didn't know what to expect when dating girls, non-binary, and genderqueer people– I only knew how to navigate dating a guy. And who would I talk about this new journey in exploring my identity? My ex-boyfriend? Yeah right. I didn't know what to do. So at first, I avoided it.

When I downloaded dating apps that summer, I only selected the 'men' gender option. Because of the mutual friend feature on the app, I didn't want to inadvertently out myself when talking to someone. A girl on Tinder who'd have mutual friends with me could easily ask that friend how they know me, they'd say from school or South Florida or something, they'd in turn ask that girl how she knew me, and voilà. I'd be outed.

I bought and wore this hat before the 2016 election. I wasn't out yet, but it was a little way of being visible in the queer community.

I went out with some guys from Tinder and JSwipe (theJewish version of Tinder), and then began to play with turning on the 'men and women' gender setting, just to test the waters. At first, I didn't swipe right on any girls, avoiding any potential matches. I just wanted to see who was out there. I saw queer girls proudly proclaim their sexual identity on their profiles or mark their bios with cute pride flag emojis, while I still felt hidden, like I was peering into a community I didn't really feel a part of yet. Seeing their profiles made me want to meet them, but honestly, I felt stuck.

I wanted to go out with people of all genders, but I still hadn't told almost everyone in my life I was queer. So, I toggled the 'men and women' option on and off while weighing my decision on whether to come out or not.I knew basically everyone in my life would be accepting, but coming out is a hugely vulnerable process, and I was scared to face being so open with people – I don't really like talking about deeply personal topics with a lot of people in general.

Another thing hindering me from actually matching with women on dating apps was I didn't even know what my sexuality identity was. I mean, I knew I was attracted to girls, guys, and anyone, really. But I didn't know how to label myself – queer, bisexual, and pansexual were all labels I considered – and couldn't really verbalize anything I was feeling. Mostly, I just felt confused, which stalled my coming out to people, which prevented me from dating whoever I wanted to date. It was just a great ride of confusion, TBH, and even since choosing a label – pansexual, which means I'm attracted to anyone, regardless of gender identity – I constantly am wondering if it's right or correct or accurate or whatever. Why can't I just be, seriously.

I slowly began telling people in my life I was queer (I later more identified with pansexual as a label) after the 2016 election because I was afraid of Vice President Mike Pence's attitude toward the gay community. I wanted to be a visible, out person, which entailed having to explain to family members what that actually meant. Once I was out, I became more confident flirting with girls in real life. That translated to leaving on the 'men and women' gender setting, and eventually, going out with women.

Of course, I do occasionally need a break from dating apps – especially when being stalked on social media by people I've rejected on apps (this has happened from a variety of genders, FYI) – but usually come back after a couple of months feeling ready to swipe again. What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic.

I've only been single since coming out (although I think Ruby Rose tweeting something I wrote means we are actually married), but having the ability to talk to other queer girls on dating apps such as Tinder has given me much more confidence in my identity than I was before it, and for that, well, thanks technology.

The Dangerous Myth of Attraction

What’s Really Preventing You From Closing the Deal and Getting More Women Back to Your Bedroom…

So what is the dangerous myth of attraction preventing you from getting women out on dates, getting the kiss, closing the deal, and getting her back to your bedroom? The dangerous myth is that: attraction is black or white

That a woman either wants you or she doesn’t

She’s attracted to you or she’s not

She would sleep with you or she wouldn’t

Now that’s NOT how attraction works.

Listen careful to what I’m about to say: Attraction is NOT Black or White

This means that a woman’s opinion of you can change by the year, month, week, day…. Even by the hour… Now this comes with good news and bad news… Let’s start with the good news… The good news is that even if you didn’t make a stellar first impression you can still win her over and get her wanting you…

Tinder For Gay Guys Video

Even if you’re not her “type” or she only sees you as a “friend”…

Even if you’ve sent her a horribly embarrassing text…

And even if she’s dating someone else and acts like you don’t even exist…

In a few minutes i’m going to teach you how three simple texts can change all that.. But first, I’ve got to give you some bad news… Just because a girl has given you her number, told you to call her, or has even been out on a date with you… Does not automatically mean you will ever see her again…. When she handed you her number she did not sign a “social contract” agreeing to go out with you… It just means she was interested or attracted enough at the moment to give it to you… Now, that interest and attraction is a good start… Just don’t make the FATAL MISTAKE of thinking that once a woman gives you her number its game over: you win

Tinder For Gay Guys Online

Because The Game is actually just beginning….

[space-age-bachelor]

Instead of Flying Off, He’ll Stay

Rafael Barba/Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr.

Sonny's life was not a Hallmark movie. He just had to get Barba to fall in love with him before Christmas Eve.

Thanks to @me-ladie for beta reading 

For @richardgoranski for being an incredible friend and being there for me

[AO3]

Rafael Barba loved Christmas. It had always been a family holiday to him, not the commercialized monstrosity that it had become. He’d never really gotten the concept of Santa Claus, so he never sent a list or went to Macy’s. But every year on Christmas Eve, after his mother read him Twas the Night Before Christmas , he would stare out the window at the direction he believed to be North and make a wish.

It had been years since he had done that and it was a little less than a month away from Christmas and carols had been playing in all of the stores he passed on the walk home from his mother’s Thanksgiving dinner. He’d stopped believing in Santa when he was eleven and his knees cracked when he lowered himself to the floor, still he faced North and hoped for a Christmas miracle.

He couldn’t spend Christmas alone for another year. He didn’t want to go to bed eight thirty watching old claymation movies while his coworkers thought he was off on some extravagant get away. He wanted someone to whisper “Merry Christmas” to over mugs of hot chocolate and kiss under the mistletoe, he’d always wanted to do that.

Once he thought his symbolic wish out thoroughly, he stood and chuckled to himself. The whole exercise had been ridiculous, but part of him deep down still believed in magic. It allowed him to sleep a little easier and wake up a little lighter.

The day after Thanksgiving was always spent decorating for Christmas. Bella would pull out the boxes she had in storage (this year, in her attic since she and Tommy decided to bite the bullet and get a real house), and Sonny would always end up doing most of the actual decorating. It was his burden to bear, being the only one who could string lights with a swish of his wrist.

“Bella,” he glared at her as he pulled out the seventh new pack of lights from her shopping bag, “I can’t do this. Not alone without drawing any attention to myself.” He let them all fall into his lap, “Do you have to be seen from space? Afraid Dad won’t be able to find your new roof?”

She rolled her eyes and pulled up a pinterest board on her iPad, scrolling through pages upon pages of our door light design and “the perfect Christmas lawn.” They all looked like something out of that dumb live action Grinch movie.

“I wanna beat that bitch Cynthia. She thinks she’s so much better because her precious Annabell was born in wedlock,” She flipped her hair and added a snooty voice before breaking into a groan. “She doesn’t even realize her perfect Carl is cheating on her with Todd from the school board.”

“That’s the Christmas spirit.” He sighed, not actually caring. That bitch had insulted his niece and made his sister feel inadequate, they were going to crush her. “Alright but, I can’t do all of this my way without being seen. It’s not like I can kill your street lights and with this many lights someone is bound to see me. Even at 3 am.”

They had a small staring contest. Bella matching his gaze with everything she had.

He blinked first.

A blinding grin spread across her face. “So when are we gonna start Nicky?” She winked at the nickname, the one that made him sound like some younger version of their father. “I’ve got the decorations, you’ve got that Christmas magic. Let’s kick a soccer mom’s zumba tight ass.”

“I’ll do it, but only the second floor. Everything else outside is done by hand.” He dropped all of the lights back into the plastic bag. “And you have to listen to me bitch about Dad for as long as I want.”

She clapped excitedly. She was a gossip by nature and Sonny had just offered her exactly what she wanted. He didn’t mind as long as she wasn’t going to try and convince him to do her whole yard. “Great! You can finally tell me what the Big Man said last night. I haven't seen you that upset since Queens SVU.”

Sonny’s mood darkened, he hadn’t planned on bringing that up. He was just going to go on about how their father saw his work and even his law degree as a waist and a distraction. It should have been obvious that Bella would want to know why he ducked out of Thanksgiving before the dessert had even touched the table.

“While we do the interior. It’s Gabby’s first Christmas in the new house and I wanna make it special.” Bella opened the first bin and Sonny got to work.

Decorating was an art that Sonny considered himself particularly gifted at, it came with the territory of who he was. When stringing lights was as easy as tracing the square of Bella’s kitchen window, it was hard not to be an expert.

He could lose himself in the feeling of it. A flick of his wrist and a garland covered the arch between the dining room and living room. It sent his heart racing, as if there was electricity flowing through him and extending out to the decorations. They were just an extension of himself.

Bella kept warning him to take it easy not go so fast. She only knew how drained he used to get after half an hour of this, but after last night he could do the whole house without breaking a sweat. It made the rush he got feel cheapened somehow. He just hoped he’d be able to enjoy the place, gleaming like the city skyline, after he got everything off his chest.

“Looks great, Sonny.” She squeezed his arm and pressed a cup of freshly made hot chocolate into his hands. “Don’t worry about the rest right now. Come on and sit down.”

She gently guided him over to the couch and practically pushed him down onto it. “I don’t want you passing out before we get some proper storytelling going.”

“I don’t pass out-”

“Please,” She scoffed setting herself down next to him, “You always act like you just gave blood. ‘Oh,’” She moaned doing a terrible impression of him even though they had the same accent. “‘Just let me sit here and eat my cookie and drink my apple juice. I’m so weak.’”

It got a chuckle out of him, “Well, no more of that, I’m getting stronger-” He froze. Two days ago, it had just been a nice thing that he couldn’t explain. He winced at his own slip.

“Sonny, what’s wrong?” She grabbed his shoulder, suddenly concerned.

“It’s not your fault. It’s just…” He sighed, he really did want to talk about this. He was having a hard time dealing with it on his own and needed the support. It was just difficult to say. “Dad wants to retire after this year.”

Her eyes widened. It would’ve been comical under different circumstances. “Holy shit, you… he needs you to…” She took a deep swig of her hot chocolate, “Shit.”

He nodded and took his own sip, not having anything to really say to it.

“Alright, alright...alright, tell me exactly what he said.”

“He didn’t say much, just asked me to take over next Christmas.” He shrugged, “I tried to tell him I didn’t want to, but he gave me that whole ‘first son’ thing-- which is bullshit by the way, if Jenny McCarthy could do it--”

She raised a hand to stop it. “T, Gigi, and I all don’t want anything to do with it. So that wouldn’t matter. Dad would cave if we would.”

“I know.” Another sip of cocoa. “I wish you did because he tore my life apart. I have one friend, I’m not content with my job, I haven’t dated anyone in almost five years. I just stood there as he laid out why nobody would really miss me if I picked up and left.”

“I’d miss you.”

He smiled softly, “Thanks, Bells, but you could still visit. The only person who sorta counts is Amanda and Dad would rather I tell her than force him to work another year.”

She flopped backwards so she was staring up at the ceiling, “Mr. Tradition probably thinks you two are going to get together.”

Sonny was silent for a long time, running through all the ways to phrase his next sentence. He wouldn’t look her in the eyes when he finally decided on what to say. “That was actually my only way out of it. Dad says he’ll back off if I can have a stable relationship by Christmas. Then leaving wouldn’t just be my decision.”

“You can’t just get a girl pregnant.”

A laugh was startled out of him, “Nope, still gay and still single.”

Her “scheme smirk” was firmly in place when she sprung back up, “Well, you’re already in love with someone. So you just have until Christmas to get Mr. Barba to fall in love with you.”

“I’m not in love with Barba.” The redness of his cheeks didn’t help the lie. “Besides, we’re not that kind of close and I’m not convinced that he doesn’t hate me. You don’t go from that to love in a month.”

She swatted his arm. “He doesn’t hate you. It’s impossible to hate you. Plus, you can just use your Christmas powers to charm him.” She wiggled her fingers in his face, barely containing her laughter.

“You know, it doesn't work like that.” He insisted, retaliating as if they still were children and pinning her back on the couch. “You really think Barba’s my best bet?”

She shrugged as well as she could, “You’re gay and your only friend is a girl. I mean, unless you wanna download Grindr and try your luck.”

“Hey, Barba,” Sonny kept rubbing his hands on his pants or the bottom of his jacket. He was nervous sweating and on the off chance he had to actually touch the other man, he wanted them to be at least somewhat dry. “Are you free tomorrow night?”

The prosecutor stopped, but looked more confused than anything else, “Depends upon what you’re suggesting.”

“I have a new recipe I wanna test out.” He was lying. That was a flat out lie, but he wasn’t brave enough to just ask him out. “So dinner tomorrow night?”

“So, I your new Guinea Pig?” The corner of his mouth quirked up, “Alright, I could be ready by eight.”

Sonny didn’t react for a moment before a smile split his face. He hadn’t expected this to work. “Perfect! I’ll have time to make dessert as well.”

He nodded, “I’ll see you then, Carisi.” With that, he turned and left.

Sonny half stumbled back to his desk, causing Amanda to raise an eyebrow, “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you tonight.” He said, trying not to turn back and watch the door Barba just left through. Now he just had to figure out which recipe Barba would like the best.

“So you need me to watch Holly for just no reason?” Amanda loved watching Holly. Sure, she was huge and drooled all over the furniture, but she was sweet and was glad to just be a pillow or space heater, “Are you sure there isn’t a reason?”

He sighed, if his plan worked out he’d have to tell her at some point. “I have a date and I don’t want Holly getting over excited and scare him away.” She was the sweetest, but she got over enthusiastic when new people came over. “A lot went into this.”

She arched an eyebrow, “Really? Anyone I know? Because the only person I’ve seen you fawn over is-” Her mouth fell open in realization. “No….You finally asked Barba out? And you’re skipping straight to bringing him home?”

“Oh my god,” He groaned, the noise drawing his dog over to rest her head on his lap. “I’m making him dinner, and I’m not even sure he realized that I was asking him on a date. He might be straight.”

“He’s just as smitten as you are and just as bad at hiding it.” She said moving closer so they both had access to Holly.

They sat there for some time, ABC Family playing through a rotation of Christmas movies that seemed to be compose of Elf and Christmas Vacation, exclusively. Right before Clark Griswold officially lost it, Amanda passed out using Holly’s stomach as a pillow. Sonny had done it enough times to admit that it was one of the reasons he had gotten a Newfoundland. Of course, once Amanda was finally asleep at a reasonable time, Jesse started crying.

She raised her head slightly before dropping it back down, “She wants her Uncle Sonny.”

He laughed and went to go take care of his goddaughter. “Hey, Baby.” He cooed bending down to lift her.

His heart always melted when he held her, her little hands clutching at the collar of his shirt. He wanted to have that with his own kids at some point with a child of his own. Barba probably wouldn’t want kids, he didn’t seem like the type. But they’d cross that bridge if they ever actually made it there.

Jesse’s crying wouldn’t subside, so he pulled out a little trick he would do for Gabby when ever she got fussy.

He felt the familiar spark in his fingertips and the energy that flooded his chest making him feel whole and energized. He pulled a stuffed puppy out from behind his back.

They toy whined at Jesse and licked the tear tracks that stained her cheeks until the wailing turned into giggling and squeals of glee. The magic to create the little puppy might have given him a rush of joy, but he sound of Jesse’s laughter overwhelmed him with happiness.

“Sonny, how do you always-”

He dropped the toy when he heard Amanda’s voice. It immediately tried to get back up, scratching at his leg with blue cotton paws and yipping at him to demand attention. Without even thinking he snapped his fingers and it fell limp as if it were always just a normal plushie.

Her eyes were bugging out of her skull as she stared down at the offending object. Most people, well adults, didn’t react well when confronted with magic. They lacked the imagination to really comprehend what was happening and lashed out at him because of it. He just hoped Amanda would at least hear him out-

“I fucking knew it!” She cheered and his mind went blank. “You’re too good with kids, and you’re ridiculously lucky, and you know things about people that you couldn’t possibly know, and your cookies.”

He nodded, slowly coming back to himself, “Uh, yeah, my cookies are magic.” It came with the territory of being who he was. He put Jesse back into her crib, leaning down to pick up her new toy. Once she was tucked in, he snapped again and the puppy yawned, padding over and curling up against her side. It would help sooth her if she woke up again.

He turned back to Amanda, “Come on, I’ll explain everything.”

Amanda took it well, after she laughed at the fact that Sonny’s future hinged on whether or not he could get Barba to fall in love with him by Christmas, and admit it. He could worry about the actual admission later, his first goal was to get Barba to agree to a second date.

He wished his particular brand of magic applied to any kind of food. Sure his desserts were always perfect no matter what they were, so he had that going for him, but for an average everyday dinner, he had to rely on his own talent and experience. His own skill wasn’t something to be scoffed at though, so he thought it would be okay.

Barba had never had his cooking anyway, so if he was having an off day he could impress him even more next time. The dessert was all he really needed to get to phase two of Bella’s plan.

“So what are we having?” Barba had come straight from work but he immediately took off his jacket. It made him look softer, and comfortable in Sonny’s home. “I haven’t eaten in hours so it had better be good.”

He laughed leading him through to the kitchen, “It’s nothing special, just a new kind of pizza dough I’d been meaning to try and sugar cookies with a new flavor of icing.” It was nice finishing up dinner and being able to look over to the island to see Barba sitting there.

“I didn’t realize dessert was going to be cookies. I would’ve made this my cheat day.”

Sonny rolled his eyes, “Eating healthy keeps you fit, eating well keeps you sane.” He pulled out the wine, “Have some cookies and don’t worry about a diet, which you don’t need by the way.”

“Dinner and compliments? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was a date.”

His heart dropped to his feet. He knew this was a possibility, but that didn’t stop his disappointment from showing, or Barba’s surprise at seeing it. This had always been the hard part when he imagined this scenario in his head, having to explain what had been lost in translation.

“Oh, I thought this was just a friendly dinner.” Barba was flushed and started messing with his tie. He only did that when he was nervous. “I know you do things like this with Liv and Amanda. So I assumed…”

“No, it’s fine.” He forced a smile and continued setting the table. The cheerful Christmas plates didn’t do much for his mood though. “We’re friends, right? This could just be a fun friend dinner. That is,” he took a deep breath and a leap of faith, “if you want it to be.”

A slow smile spread across the prosecutors face as he reached for his glass, “No, I think this would be the perfect first date. I mean, as long as those cookies are as good as Liv says they are.”

“Oh, trust me, they’re better.”

“Sonny, this is great!” Bella cheered, the shrill voice loud enough that Holly was reacting to it from across the room. “I need you to tell me everything about that date. You made him cookies, right? Exploit your gifts.”

“He liked the cookies.” he rolled his eyes resisting the urge to laugh. “We’re actually going out again tonight, taking Holly for a W-A-L-K in that park around the corner. Seemed like a romantic thing to do.” Of course, that left him sifting through winter coats and scarfs trying to figure out what pair would look the best while keeping him warm.

She sighed dreamily, “That’s straight out of a movie. It’s gonna snow right?”

“Check the weather app.”

He knew that she was glaring at her wall. She always hated when he said things like that. “You know what I mean. A light flurry while walking through the park, it’s a Hallmark movie.”

“This whole thing is a Hallmark movie.” He ran a hand down his face and finally decided on a not too heavy black pea coat, shorter than the one that he wore for work most days, with a red wool scarf that Gina had knit him a few years ago. “That means it has a happy ending, right?”

“Of course! I was talking with Amanda earlier,” He didn’t exactly regret introducing the two of them, but it was worrying that his sister and his best friend gossiped about him. “She said you two are adorable together at work, and I know you fall fast. If he’s like you, this will be fine.”

He waited until only a minute before Barba-no, Rafael- to get there before grabbing Holly’s leash and the collar. “A week and a half is fast. Especially since this is only our second actual date. We’re always so busy that working lunches are all we’re able to do.”

“Alright, then make it count. I’m not losing you because of this.”

“It’ll be fine, Bells. Besides, it would take a lot more than moving to get rid of me.” He laughed to try and calm her down. It wasn’t time to give up hope. “No I’ve got to go, Rafael’s here.”

After a quick goodbye, he grabbed Holly and opened the door. “Hey.”

Rafael smiled at him for a moment, before his attention shifted to the beast at Sonny’s side. “Wow, when you said you had a big dog, I was expecting a golden retriever or border collie.” He still bent down allowing Holly to sniff and lick his hand before he buried it in her long fur.

“No, they’re more medium. Besides, Holly’s sweeter than any of them.” Sonny was beaming as well, glad that his girl wasn’t going to be a problem. “Just wait until you see her in the snow. It’s her favorite thing.”

“I bet.” He stood back up and held out his hand to Sonny, “Ready to go.”

They made it to the park in only a few minutes and Sonny could hear Rafael’s breath catch when he saw the start of the path. It was an idyllic scene with old fashioned street lamps and trees wrapped in Christmas lights. The only thing missing was the snow.

“This is beautiful.” He whispered, his hand tightening around Sonny’s. “How long is the path?”

“As long as you want it to be,” He said with a slight smirk, “but I do have a destination in mind.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. In fact the conversation started up again with discussing how many strands of lights there had to be in the park and whether or not that was a good use of power and taxpayer money. Sonny was convinced that he was only playing devil’s advocate when he claimed that Christmas lights were not worth the money they cost.

The conversation never stalled or slowed, showing Sonny just how easy it was to be around Rafael. It was a feeling he’d never experienced before. So he led them in circles for almost half an hour before finally ending up at his favorite spot in the park.

The lights thinned as they drew nearer, but Rafael was too focused on him to notice. It was flattering, even though the actual spot was more than enough to pull his attention away from him.

One tree stood in the middle of a plaza with a single bench at the base of it. It was a nice space all year round, but during december it was gorgeous. It was done up like a proper christmas tree with tinsel and ornaments of gold spheres and tiny wooden toys. The arms of the bench were even wrapped in silver and gold garlands.

“Do you wanna sit?” He turned to Rafael, admiring how the light danced off of his eyes as he stared at the spectacle.

“Yeah, will Holly be fine with taking a break?” It took him a second to drag his eyes away which was both adorable and incredibly validating.

He looked down at his feet where Holly had already laid down, “I think she’ll be okay.”

The bench was cold, but it was offset by the heat radiating from where Rafael’s leg pressed against his. He wanted to wrap an arm around his shoulders, but he’d wait until he shivered or gave some other indication that he was cold.

“You really like Christmas, don’t you?” He chuckled, gesturing to the candy cane pin that Sonny had honestly forgotten about. It was probably still there from last year.

“My whole family really gets into it and have for my whole life. It’s just a part of the year.” He shrugged, “Just a heads up, If you don’t like Christmas, my family isn’t gonna like you.”

Their shoulders bumped gently, “Then we’re fine. I’ll admit that I’m not as festive as you are. Maybe I could get one of those Christmas Tree ties.” He chuckled at his own joke, barely hiding the lift in the corners of his mouth. It was incredibly endearing.

“That would be adorable.” Sonny admitted, finally giving in and pulling Rafael closer.

He looked increible under the lights of the tree. Multicolored flecks dotted his cheeks and made the green of his eyes practically glow. Looking into those eyes, happiness filled his heart and he knew exactly how to let it out.

It happened in the blink of an eye. All of the joy he felt well up in his chest and the moment he released it, the first snowflake fell, a light flurry that completed the whole scene and made an already incredible night perfect.

Rafael looked up at the sky, pure wonderment and awe gracing his features. He was beautiful and incredible and, God, Sonny loved him.

His eyes widened as he came to the realization. Sure, he wanted to fall in love with him, but to actually feel the emotion flooding through his whole body, to know for certain from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, it changed the way he saw everything. It sent a thought directly to the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t say “I love you” first. He couldn’t pressure Rafael into saying it back or leave it hanging over him if he didn’t feel the same way.

“What are you thinking?”

Sonny smiled brighter than he had in years, “You’re beautiful.” He whispered and kissed him, something he had wanted to do since they met.

The next day, Sonny dragged Amanda into an empty interrogation room the first chance that he got. He was freaking out. He’d already called Bella who suggested he invite Rafael to spend Christmas Eve at her place. That way, their father could see that Sonny loved the ADA, even if they hadn’t said it yet. However Sonny didn’t know what would happen if he brought Rafael into that mess of a party.

“But you said the date went well. Also, you made it snow?” she whistled. “That’s straight out of one of those movies you like so much.”

“I’m a walking cliche, sue me.” He rolled his eyes before getting back to business, “But that’s the sort of thing I’m talking about. Our family dinners are times when I don’t have to hide anything about myself and it’s nice. I can cook the way I want and when I make a strange comment or know something no one told me, no one questions it. I just don’t want to do something like I did with the toy and Rafael to freak out.

“It would just be so difficult to share things like that with him….It’s freaky and abnormal.” He collapsed into one of the chairs, “Sometimes I wonder if any of this is even worth it. It’s not gonna end well.”

She recoiled in shock but quickly recovered and laid a hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him. “Hey, you told me that you love him, right? You’re just too afraid to say it.”

“I wouldn’t put it that-”

“Yes or no, Dominick.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I love him.” That he was sure of, it was why he couldn’t lose him.

She held out her hands like that was enough of an answer. She then sighed as if he was an idiot. “If you don’t bring him and trust him with this, then you’re putting a wall between you guys and not even giving him the chance to love the real you. You’re self-sabotaging without even meaning to.”

He knew she was right, even though he didn’t want to admit it. “I’ll invite him,” was all he could say, but she knew that she’d won.

He caught up with Rafael after court later that day. It was a solid win, which went a long way to easing Sonny’s nerves over the whole thing. At least he was in a good mood. “Hey, Rafael, I was wondering if you wanted to spend Christmas Eve with my family and I. It’s my sisters and my parents, so nothing too big.” He smiled brightly, “But I’d love to have you there.”

The bright spirit collapsed, darkening his expression into almost a glare, but he why would he have been glaring. “I didn’t think you’d want me there.” His jaw was clenched tightly, “I figured it wasn’t worth it to continue this.”

Sonny fought a losing battle to not let his hurt show. He recognized those words. They were his own and Rafael was throwing them back in his face. “So, you heard?” There really was nothing left to say, if he really felt that way.

“Of course I heard, you left the door open.” He pulled his eyes away from him and stared at the ground, “And you’re right. It’s abnormal….We should just call it off now since it’s obviously not going to go anywhere.”

Sonny nodded even though his heart was breaking. There wasn’t much of a fight when what’s wrong is who you are. “For what it’s worth, you’re incredible.”

Rafael just turned and walked away, leaving Sonny standing alone in the hallway and effectively sealing his fate.

Amanda was a mom to a child who probably wouldn’t remember what she was doing most of the time. Jesse was only two, and that meant, she was going to take that shift on Christmas Eve and then go home to eggnog with her sister. It was almost a vindictive pleasure that she got from breaking the mommy-rules like that.

But all of that joy came crashing down when she crashed into Barba. Sonny been particularly closed liped to her for the past few days, but she hadn’t anticipated this being the reason behind the silence. “You should be at Bella’s,” was all she could say because if he wasn’t at Bella’s then Sonny wouldn’t be staying in New York.

“No, Sonny made his views on our relationship quite clear and we decided to end it.”

Her jaw dropped, “Really, what did he say?” She didn’t think a declaration of love would end with breaking up, and there hadn’t been enough time for him to regress back into self-doubt.

“Nothing you hadn’t already heard.”

Oh, shit. She hadn’t closed the door all the way.

“Barba,” she leveled a glare with him, “I don’t know how much you heard from us the other day, but what Sonny told me was that he was afraid you’d think he was too strange for you to stay with him and that he should just break it off before you could decide to leave him.” Her words hit him hard, it was written all over his face.

“If you love him or even care about him, you have to go to Bella’s now and fix this.” Or he’d never get the chance to.

He gave her a sharp nod and started towards the door. He only made it a few steps before breaking into a run.

“I sometimes forget what he’s really like.” Gina broke the silence that had fallen over the room and drawing everyone’s eyes away from the fireplace, “I have to say, he really has mastered the cheerful backhand. The movies never get that right.”

Teresa laughed, “I think Tim Allen did it the best, but his sarcasm was too blatant.”

“Tim Allen also didn’t destroy my life.” Sonny mumbled, standing up and leaving the room. Gabby was still having fun. She loved seeing her grandfather and Sonny wasn’t going to let his mood bring hers down.

He stood in the kitchen and poured himself a spiked eggnog. It didn’t take long for Bella to find him. “So, it didn’t work with Rafael? I’m sorry, Sonny. He made you happy.” She said that like it was the most important part of their relationship, not that if Rafael had been there he’d have been able to keep his job and life. She was right.

“He overheard the truth and didn’t take it well.” He said with a shrugged, “That was sort of a deal breaker.”

“Well, his loss.” She reached from behind her back and pulled out a Santa hat. With a sad smile she stood on her toes and placed it on his head. “You’re a fucking catch and you made it snow for him. He doesn’t deserve you.”

He wrapped her into a brotherly bear hug. “Can you tell him that? I just...I was getting ready to actually tell him. I didn’t want him out of the loop around you guys.”

She squeezed him tightly before letting go. “He doesn’t deserve to know everything. I know you loved him, but if he was worth your time, he would be here.”

Almost like clockwork, there was a loud banging on the front door.

“You don’t think.”

Sonny shook his head and wet to the front door, “I swear to god, my life is not a Hallmark movie.”

Of course, he was still surprised to see and out of breath Rafael standing on the other side. He held up a hand when Sonny opened his mouth and launched into a probably planned speech. “The other day was all a misunderstanding. I didn’t hear the important part of what you said, and even if I had, I should have given you a chance to explain.

“I don’t care what your secret is, I promise you I can take it. I just thought that you thought we were too difficult and strange, but you are,” He took a deep breath, “You are incredible and so wonderful and you don’t have to let me inside, but I just couldn’t go another minute without telling you that I love you.”

“I can stay.” He said. Sonny’s mind went blank the moment he hear those words. Rafael was in front of him saying that he loved him and Sonny loved him back. Without even thinking about it, he pulled him in for a kiss, pausing briefly after a moment to stare at the gorgeous man in front of him

“Wait a second,” Rafael pushed him back a bit, just enough that Sonny couldn’t lean in for another kiss. “You were going to leave?”

He took a deep breath and Rafael’s hands, “My father’s Santa Claus and if I hadn’t found someone that I loved to tie me here, I was going to have to take over for him.”

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, “You love me?”

“Yeah, I love you.”

“Your father is Santa Claus?”

“Yes, he is.”

He nodded “That conversation with Rollins makes a lot more sense now.” His gaze was soft when he came back from the shock, “It still doesn’t matter. Just that does explain how everything was always perfect.”

Sonny raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t told him about the magic yet, “How?”

“I asked your dad for someone to spend Christmas with me.” He pulled Sonny against his chest, “I guess he got my wish.”

“Well then, Merry Christmas, Rafael.”

“Merry Christmas, Sonny.”

#barisi #barisi fic #law and order svu #svu fanfiction #christmas fic #My fic

[hollyhark]

What's everybody getting up to for Valentine's Day in the galaxy far, far away? Kylux? Finnrey? Techienician? I want to hear about these great celebrations.

ANON, I’m so glad you sent this, thank you! Yesterday I started this little modern AU Valentine’s Day ficlet and wasn’t sure I’d finish it, and your ask inspired me to finish & post it :33

It’s not the galaxy far, far away version, but it does feature all three of those couples! Happy Valentine’s Dayyyy~~!

I call this: ALWAYS SOMEHOW REHEATING FISH, as it was inspired by the new Girls episode and me laughing at that quote re: meaty near-naked Kylo and his naked partner being awful to their roommate.

~~

Finn smirks as he passes the long line at the flower stand in his building’s lobby. They ran out of red roses around lunchtime and are now selling the dregs to desperate people who didn’t plan as well as he has. He got an email confirmation that the custom bouquet he ordered for Rey arrived at her apartment two hours ago, and her creepy cousin actually responded to his text about placing it in her room. Whether or not Ben actually did so is still uncertain, as it’s hard to predict what he’ll do, regardless of what he says, but Finn has tried to come up with some reason why Ben might want to sabotage Rey’s Valentine’s Day flowers, and he hasn’t landed on anything yet. As obnoxious as Ben can be, he does seem to genuinely care about Rey. Finn would love it if this affection for Rey would translate into Ben maybe attempting to find his own place and letting Rey live her life without her codependent cousin haunting her steps, but he’s not going to hold his breath waiting for that to happen. Not yet, anyway: eventually he’s going to ask Rey to marry him. Maybe next year. At that point, Ben will hopefully take his cue to move out.  

If Rey says yes, that is.

It’s a gray and rainy Tuesday, just a little after six o’clock in the evening. Finn thinks about texting Rey, though she likely won’t have time to look at her phone until her shift ends in five hours. She’s a waitress at Jakku, one of the trendiest restaurants in town, and today will be hell at work for her: the restaurant is fully booked, packed with couples who will expect her to cater to them and their special day while she juggles ten other tables who all demand the same level of doting attention in exchange for Jakku’s insane prices. Rey has been dreading Valentine’s Day all week for this reason, just like she dreaded it last year, when she and Finn were still only friends. Last year all he did was send her supportive messages when she griped about the work day she faced and then about how gruelling it was. He’d offered to bring her some ice cream at midnight, when she finally got home, but she’d said she just wanted to sleep.

This year they’re not just dating but getting pretty serious after seven giddy months. Rey has given him a key to her apartment, where he sleeps more often than not, though he has his own place and it’s pretty nice, definitely quieter. But Ben is not there, and if Ben wasn’t inventing nonstop excuses to need Rey’s “energy” nearby in order to stay sane, he wouldn’t be Ben.

Finn has a modest plan for this year, knowing that Rey will be exhausted when she finally gets home: he’ll surprise her by being there waiting in her room, which feels more and more like their room these days. He’ll have the flowers and a big plate of her favorite cookies, fresh-baked. It’s a recipe they’ve made together before, a kind of nascent tradition. He’s got all the ingredients in his car, except for eggs and milk, and when he was over at the apartment on Sunday there were plenty of both in the fridge. Once Rey gets home they’ll cuddle up together to get crumbs in the bed and watch a movie on her laptop. She’ll probably be too tired for sex, but Finn will offer to rub her back and shoulders, and maybe one thing will lead to another. Whatever happens, he wants to make her feel cozy and appreciated after a long day.

The first thing he notices upon approaching the apartment is that two trash bags are sitting in the hallway by the door. The super has specifically asked them not to do this, and Rey has been stressing about getting fined if Ben keeps ignoring this rule. Finn feels his temperature rising already as he sets down his grocery bag and takes the trash bags to the chute at the end of the hall. It’s really not so difficult, and especially shouldn’t be for someone who is home all day ‘pursuing his art,’ or whatever term Ben is using to describe his freeloading lately. Normally Finn would ask Ben to do it, with a varying degree of firmness that depends on Ben’s mood, but he doesn’t want to get into a thing with him tonight and cause drama that might linger until Rey gets home. Better to just take care of it so Rey doesn’t have to worry about this on a day when she’ll already be drained.

Trash disposed of and grocery bag in hand, he lets himself into the apartment and immediately winces. Despite the removal of the trash, the place stinks of fish and eggs and some other kind of food that he can’t place, something that doesn’t compliment either smell. Finn sighs when he walks in and sees the state of the kitchen: dirty mixing bowls all over the place, flour splattered on the counter and spilled on the floor, what looks like a fish carcass on a plate in the sink. In the middle of the clutter of dirty dishes piled on the kitchen island there’s an empty champagne bottle that stands there like a flag Ben has planted, claiming territory. Great.

Finn surveys the mess, wondering if it wouldn’t just be easier to go home to his place, make the cookies there, then bring them back here to surprise Rey. His apartment is on the other side of town and traffic was bad, some wreck on the highway backing everything in the city up. He puts his bag of ingredients down among the detritus, considering that some poor bastard was in a wreck on Valentine’s Day, and that having to clean up after Ben isn’t the worst thing he might spend this day doing. Just last year he’d been stewing in misery on Valentine’s Day, already in love with Rey and imagining they’d never end up together. Washing dishes in preparation for spending the evening with the woman he loves is no big deal. At least the apartment is quiet. Ben probably went out to get trashed with his friends in some kind of anti-Valentine’s Day protest. He’s weirdly bitter about being single, for someone who seems to have a lot of sex, based on the guys who come and go at all hours and his candid, uninvited commentary on his Grindr adventures.

Finn picks up a pan with what looks like omelet residue in it and curses under his breath. When he checks the fridge, his suspicions are confirmed: Ben has used all the eggs. The milk is gone, too, only the empty carton remaining on the counter, behind a pile of mixing bowls.

“Who even has this many mixing bowls?” Finn mutters, surveying all the ones that need to be washed as he weighs whether he should go down to the bodega for milk and eggs now or just get this mess cleaned up first so he won’t have to come back to the discouraging sight of it.

He rolls up his sleeves and turns on the water, trying to swallow his feelings of resentment. Rey is his dream girl, perfect for him in every way, except for the anchor around her neck that is Ben, and Finn wouldn’t mind so much if he could envision an exit strategy for Ben easing out of her life at least somewhat. As he stands washing Ben’s dishes, nightmarish scenarios where Ben is still living with him and Rey after they’re married with kids begin to enter his mind, and he’s picturing himself washing sixty-year-old Ben’s breakfast dishes when he hears Ben’s bedroom door open down the hall.

So Ben is here after all, just having a rare quiet evening. Good: Ben can help him clean up this mess, or at least run to the bodega for more milk and eggs.

Finn turns from the sink and sees not Ben but a naked man with red hair who seems equally startled to see him, freezing in his tracks just before entering the kitchen.  

“What the fuck!” Finn says, at the same time as the man, who smacks both his pasty hands over his crotch.

“Who are you?” the man asks, scowling. He has a British accent.

“I’m– What do you mean, who am I? I live here! Sort of. Are you with Ben?”

“Who’s Ben?”

Finn feels a chill racing down the back of his neck. There’s a nude lunatic in Rey’s apartment, and apparently Ben didn’t let him in.

“Hux!”

But that’s Ben, and he’s racing out toward the naked man as if he does know him. Ben is at least wearing underwear, though they’re tight enough to leave little to the imagination. He sort of stumbles to a halt, bracing himself on Hux’s shoulders. Hux allows himself to be jostled, hands still over his crotch.

“Who is this man?” Hux asks, turning his scowl on Ben. “I thought you lived with your cousin.”

“I do– This is her boyfriend. What the hell are you doing?” Ben asks, as if he’s so unfamiliar with the practice of washing dishes that he doesn’t recognize it when he sees it.

“I’m surprising Rey for Valentine’s Day,” Finn says. “Trying to, anyway. What did you do in here, cook a twelve course meal?”

“We worked up an appetite,” Ben says, stepping in front of Hux in some kind of belated, gentlemanly gesture. Finn returns his eyes to the dishes, scrubbing with renewed vigor and increasing annoyance.

“Kylo, just get me a fucking glass of water,” Hux says, and he stomps back toward the bedroom. “You people are all too old for roommates,” he calls before slamming Ben’s door.

“Who is that prick?” Finn asks when Ben stands there scratching at his stomach. “And why is he calling you Kyle?”

“Kylo.” Ben goes for the cabinet near the sink, glowering when he sees that there are no clean glasses. “It’s my pen name.”

Finn opens his mouth to ask what Ben is penning these days, then decides he doesn’t want to know. “Help me with this, whatever your name is,” he says. “I’m trying to make something for Rey, for when she gets off work. You guys totally wrecked the place. Who makes fish in the middle of the day?”

“Hux has a refined palate,” Ben says, lowering his voice. He moves over to the next cabinet, grabs a coffee mug and shoulders Finn out of the way to fill it with water. “Fuck,” he says. “He probably only drinks filtered.”

“Who is he? Some guy you picked up?”

“Obviously. He’s incredible. Best sex of my life. We’ve been–”

“I don’t care what you’ve been doing! You used the last of the eggs, man, and all the milk. I need you to go to the store and get more, please.”

“Not likely.” Ben drinks from the mug of water and makes a face. “Does this water always taste so shitty? Hey, if you go to the store, get some bottled water, all right? I’ll owe you one. Fiji, or one of those other fancy kinds. Not Deer Park or Crystal Geyser. Or Dasani.”

“Why don’t you get your own bottled water, and my eggs and milk in the meantime?”

“I’m naked.”

“You could get dressed!”

“Also it’s raining, and this is, like– This is special,” he says, whispering. “I can’t mess this up.”

“What, your hookup with some snob who thinks people in their mid-twenties can’t have roommates? What the hell world does he come from?”

“England. Wealth. Power.”

“Gross.”

“I know,” Ben says, and he smiles dreamily. “He’s all uptight. And then, in the bedroom, he’s like an animal, fuck, he was so ready for it, overdue–”

“Stop!” Finn turns the faucet on Ben, who stands there and lets himself be soaked, unimpressed. “I don’t want to hear about your sex life, just do me a favor and go to the store while I clean up your mess.”

“You don’t have to clean my mess.”

“I do if I want to cook for Rey. I can’t work around this disaster.”

“Sorry man,” Ben says, slapping Finn on the shoulder. “I can’t walk away from what’s going on in my bedroom right now. This is once in a lifetime shit. I have to play my cards right.”

“Hey– No! Fine, I’ll go to the store, but you have to clean up this crap while I’m gone.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Ben says, darkening. “This isn’t even your place. It’s mine.”

“It’s Rey’s, and since she’s busting her ass working on Valentine’s Day, maybe you could be nice enough not to let her come home to a trashed sex den that she’s paying for and you’re residing in?”

“I contribute. You don’t know about our financial data.”

“I have a vague idea.” Finn smacks off the water and reels himself in while he dries his hands on a dish towel. Pointing out that Ben’s contributions to the rent are minimal compared to Rey’s is not the way to get what he wants right now. “Look,” he says, holding up his hands. “I love Rey, you love Rey. Let’s both do something nice for Rey. I’ll even get bottled water for your guy while I’m at the store, okay? Let him sleep it off for ten minutes while you clean up in here. No big deal, right?”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child,” Ben says. His eyes are narrowed, but the fact that he hasn’t stormed off yet is a good sign. “I’ll clean this shit up. Fine. For Rey. And remember, Fiji water. Or something of Fiji caliber.”

“Great,” Finn says, wanting to punch the snotty look off Ben’s face. Unfortunately, Ben is enormous and most of the money he does bring in comes not from his flighty stabs at art but from cage fighting, something he is disturbingly good at. “I’ll be right back,” Finn says, already dashing for the door.

The rain is still coming down, soaking the mostly empty sidewalk as Finn hurries toward the bodega on the corner, his jacket pulled over his head. He has an umbrella, but it’s in his car, which is parked in the garage of Rey’s building, and fetching it would take longer than dashing to the bodega without it. He can deal with some rain for a block and a half. Or, he normally can: right now it’s making him grit his teeth as it seeps into his shoes and makes his socks damp while he thinks about Ben up there in his underwear, refusing to replace what he’s consumed. Typical. Don’t talk to me like I’m a child, ha. Then don’t act like one, asshole! Finn pushes his low-boiling rage aside and jogs the rest of the way to the store, telling himself that at least Ben is doing dishes now, as he should be.

The usual clerk is behind the counter. His name is Matt and he’s been working here for as long as Finn has been hanging out at Rey’s apartment. He’s a big fan of Ben’s and in awe of Ben’s reputation as a cage fighter, which is apparently noteworthy in certain circles. Matt and Ben train at the same gym; Rey thinks Matt is in love with Ben, but Ben insists that Matt just appreciates his fighting style, which is a combination of eerie grace and beserker mania. Finn nods to Matt as he approaches the counter with his hastily collected milk, eggs and two-liter bottle of Fiji. He gets the usual blank-faced stare from behind Matt’s unfashionable glasses. Matt only ever lights up if Ben comes here with them.

“You okay?” Finn asks when he notices that Matt’s face is very red.

“Yeah.” Matt keeps his eyes on Finn as he drags his purchases mindlessly across the scanner. “Why.”

“Nothing, just. You look kinda feverish or something.”

“My lover got caught in the storm.”

Finn cocks his head. “Sorry?” That sounds like a euphemism.

“My lover. He’s on his way here. Because I’m stuck at fucking work, in this shit hole, on Valentine’s Day. But he’s afraid of thunder. I’m managing my fury by breathing deeply.”

“You–”

The bell on the door jangles violently, and the man who runs inside seems to bring the rain with him, arriving like a kind of human splash. His approach is so swift and panicked that Finn braces himself to confront an attempted robbery. Then he notices that this man is behaving more like he’s fleeing robbers than aiming to act as one, dashing toward Matt and flinging himself behind the counter as if seeking shelter. He’s tall but willowy, his clothes and lank red hair plastered to his body. He throws himself into Matt’s arms, where he is received with a satisfied grunt from Matt, who lifts him nearly off the floor in a crushing hug. So this is the lover Matt was anticipating. Finn averts his eyes when they start making out with audible moaning relief, acting like the red-haired man just came home from war.

“Uh,” Finn says, after this has gone on for longer than he’s willing to abide. “Can I pay?”

Matt goes on mouthing at the other man’s neck. Finn begins to worry that he’s going to throw his boyfriend onto the counter and have him right here, breaking the eggs in the process. This was the last carton on the shelf. The boyfriend at least seems to notice Finn’s irritation, squirming and poking at Matt until he does, too.

“Sorry,” Matt says. His glasses are crooked. “I was just. I was worried about him.”

“I’m fine,” the boyfriend says, in a near whisper. He’s still pressed to Matt’s chest, his skinny shoulders lifting when Finn holds out a twenty.

“Valentine’s Day should be a national holiday,” Matt says. He sounds and looks angry, as if Finn is the one keeping this from being so. “Anyway. This is Techie. Today’s our one-year anniversary.”

“Congratulations,” Finn says. “Can you take my money, please?”

“Are you making a cake?” Techie asks, surveying Finn’s purchases.

“Cookies,” Finn says, tightly.

“For someone special?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“The hell kind of cookies do you make with milk and eggs and overpriced water?” Matt asks.

“These are– There’s other stuff, back at my place.” Finn holds his hand out. Matt gives him a look while surrendering his change. “I know your pain, okay?” Finn says. “My girlfriend won’t finish her shift until midnight.”

“That’s rough, buddy,” Matt says. Finn can’t tell if he’s being sincere or not. “You want a bag?”

Finn does. He stands there, dripping and cold and harnessing all the patience he can as Techie elects to lend a hand, bagging Finn’s three items with weirdly deliberate care and beaming at Matt between each one, as if looking for approval. Matt rubs Techie’s back and stares at him in a way that is itself pretty lewd. They’re making out again before Finn has reached the door.

The rain is relentless, and Finn wants to run for it, but he’s afraid he’ll slip and break the eggs, especially considering he’s still wearing his shoes from work, which are the nicest ones he owns but not known for their great traction on slippery surfaces. He hurries along as fast as he can without risking a fall, glad that he keeps some spare clothes at Rey’s place. That interlude in the bodega took longer than it needed to, but hopefully this means Ben is finished or at least almost finished cleaning the kitchen. Finn can throw on some dry clothes and get started on the cookies. He smiles to himself when he reaches the apartment’s street entrance, thinking of how Rey will be charmed by his story about Matt’s delicate boyfriend. Just the thought of her curling up with delighted laughter as he relates this anecdote in bed gets him up the three flights to her place in a pretty good mood.

He reaches the door and realizes he didn’t think to lock it behind him when he left, too preoccupied with his mission or annoyed with Ben. He tries the handle, not surprised to see that Ben hasn’t bothered locking it since. He considers himself a walking security system, of course. Finn strides inside, reminding himself not to lose his cool if Ben has taken his sweet time with the cleaning.

Only when he sees what’s actually going on inside the apartment does he realize what a naive, best-case-scenario fantasy the idea of Ben taking a long time to clean the kitchen was. Instead, there is some manner of shameless sex going on right there on the living room couch, in full view of the front door, limbs and balls still in fervent motion when Finn whirls away from this scene in an indignant panic, slamming his bag against the doorframe in the process. He can just hear the eggs breaking over the sound of Ben grunting and Hux cursing him for not noticing that they have company.

“Are you deaf?” Hux shouts. “Stop thrusting, the boyfriend is back!”

“Wah? Oh– Fuck, Finn, sorry, hey–”

Finn is torn between wanting to run and wanting to throw his shoe at Ben. It’s not the first time he’s seen Ben’s balls from this vantage point, but usually Rey is beside him to shout oi! and share in his exasperation. And the fucking eggs. He slams the apartment’s door shut and steps out into the hallway to check the carton. The eggs met the doorframe hard, taking the brunt of the impact and then getting crushed with the heavy milk and water bottles. Every one of them is broken.

He’s still standing in the hallway in a kind of defeated, shivering stupor when Ben emerges wearing sweatpants. The waistband on them is worn out, and they hang low enough to be obscene, but Finn can’t work up his usual indignation about Ben’s lack of modesty. Not after what he just saw. Usually when he and Rey walk in on something the lights are off, at least.

“What the fuck, man,” Finn says, lifting his dripping bag. “My eggs.”

“Your eggs?” Ben hikes up the pants and frowns.

“You have a room. With a functioning door. Why, just– Why?”

“Sorry, shit, I didn’t mean to– I started to do those dishes, and he came out to see what was taking me so long, and he’s, he’s insatiable, Finn, it’s fucking amazing. We ended up on the couch–”

“You started to do the dishes. Started. How far did you get?”

“I guess I washed, like, a spoon.”  

“Okay. Right.”

“I wanted to do it, don’t give me that look. It was him, he has no patience! He came out sniffing for more dick like a–”

“Do not finish that metaphor. Please. Just– Get out of my way, all right? I’m going to hide in Rey’s room until she gets home.” So much for making her a treat; Finn gives up. He’ll text her about ordering a pizza, since she might not get a chance to even stuff down a snack during her shift. At least he has the flowers, an arrangement that cost almost two hundred bucks and looked really beautiful in the preview image, unique and luscious. “Here,” Finn says, thrusting the bag at Ben. “Your Fiji. Enjoy the milk, too, what do I care. Is he– Can I walk in there, or is he going to be splayed and waiting for you?”

“You’re good, he ran back into my room.” Ben peers down into the bag. “Oh, shit. Your eggs.”

“Yeah.”

Finn pushes into the apartment, still bracing himself to see Hux’s ass or dick or worse, but it’s true that he’s fled, and Ben’s bedroom door is mercifully closed at the end of the hall. Walking into Rey’s room is an instant relief: lately it smells not just like Rey but like home, moreso even than Finn’s own place and despite all the Ben-related annoyances that come with spending so much time here. He’s digging out his phone to ask Rey her thoughts on ordering pizza when he notices the flowers he ordered for her, sitting on top of her dresser and looking conspicuously diminished.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

He hurries over to the flowers, trying not to lose it just yet, but there’s no mistaking it: the bouquet he carefully designed on an interactive website, checking for flower meanings in another tab every time he added a new variety, only retains a measly quarter of what he paid for, and what remains is mostly filler in neutral colors. The vibrant peonies and hybrid tea roses are gone. There’s no enormous sunflower, no coral orchids spilling down the sides of the vase. Even the little yellow peanut flowers that he had to special order, to represent their nickname for each other, are missing.

No, not missing: this flower delivery service is top-class, with page after page of flawless customer reviews. He did thorough research.

Stolen. That’s what happened here. Fucking bald-faced thievery.

“You know, I knew you were low!” Finn says when he’s standing outside Ben’s bedroom door, pounding on it with his fist and hesitating to barge inside only to spare himself another eyeful of Ben fucking his random nympho ginger. “But this– Even after all the bullshit you’ve pulled, all the stories Rey has told me, I never thought you’d mess with her fucking Valentine’s Day flowers!”

Ben opens the door and sticks his head out, and if Finn wasn’t ready to kill him he might think Ben actually looks a little remorseful.

Then Ben says: “What stories Rey told you?”

“You’re a monster!” Finn shouts.

“Okay– Okay, I’m sorry, I know, all right.” Ben ducks down to pick something up off the floor and slips out into the hall, leaving the door cracked open as he holds a crumpled black t-shirt over his dick. “Sorry, that was– That was bad, I know, we got kind of drunk earlier, and I thought I could make Hux a flower crown and then just put all the flowers back, you know, I didn’t think they’d get kind of, like, wrecked, by what happened after he was wearing the–”

“Flower crown? Fucking– flower crown, what– What is wrong with you?”

“I thought it was stupid, too!” Hux calls from within the room. “For the record!”

“Fuck you!” Ben shouts, whirling around to poke his head back into his room. “You liked it, I have pictures!”

“I can’t handle this,” Finn says, feeling the words take on a kind of damning weight in his chest, because maybe he means more than this day, this one ruined evening. Rey is worth it, of course she is, but he also feels like he’s going to lose his mind.

Ben opens his mouth to respond, probably to make things worse, but before he can they both hear someone fling the apartment’s door open.

“Rey?” Ben calls, and Finn thinks it can’t be her, she’s going to be at Jakku for at least another four hours, but when they both hurry into the living room they find her at the door, wearing her rain slicker and sniffling, her eyes puffy and red.

“Finn!” she says, with surprise and also with such pure, voice-cracking and instant relief that he feels like he could spend an eternity sharing a cardboard box with three Bens, as long as Rey was there, too.

“Peanut,” Finn says, not caring now if Ben holds hearing this over them at a later time. He rushes across the room as she hurries toward him, and when she crumples into his arms and releases a kind of full-body sob he silently vows to kill whoever hurt her, but only after he holds her like this for as long as she’ll let him. She smells like rain and like the grubby reality of even the finest restaurant kitchen, where things have been frying and butter hangs thick in the air.

“I quit,” she says, holding on tight, her chin on Finn’s shoulder. Only then does he remember that he’s still very damp himself. “I threw my apron in Unkar’s face.”

“Yes!” Ben says. “Finally! Fuck that guy.”

Finn can’t help agree with this, based on all the horror stories Rey has told him about Jakku’s owner-manager, though he understands why she’s upset, too.

“I feel terrible,” she says when Finn pulls back to sweep his thumbs over her cheeks, not sure if he’s brushing away tears or rainwater. “I left– I left in the middle of Valentine’s Day! Poe and Jessika will have to pick up my slack, they’ll hate me–”

“They won’t,” Finn promises, and he kisses her nose. “I’m proud of you, it’s okay, don’t worry. If you walked out, Unkar must have really screwed up.”

“He’s screwed up plenty of times before,” Ben says, before Rey can even begin to describe what put her over the edge. He comes forward and touches Rey’s shoulder, trying to insinuate himself into the hug. “You deserve better,” Ben says. “And now you can be serious about cooking school.”

“With what money?” Rey asks. “Unkar says I’m on the server blacklist now, that no one will hire someone who couldn’t cut it in his kitchen–”

“What bullshit!”

That’s Hux, peering at them from the hallway and wrapped in Ben’s checked flannel bedsheet.

“I work in the industry,” Hux says, straightening his posture with snobbish authority. “I know Unkar, and he’s infamously difficult. I’ve worked with every restaurant developer in this town who means anything, if you need a real recommendation. I designed Starkiller.”

“What’s Starkiller?” Finn asks, wanting him to get lost.

“A really big restaurant.” Rey sniffles again and presses her hair down. It’s wild and damp, pulling out of her bun. “Uh. Who is that?” she asks Ben, pointing to Hux.

“The love of my life,” Ben says.

“Oh, fuck off!” Hux says, but he’s grinning.

“We’ll figure it out,” Finn says, speaking softly and attempting to ignore the other two. “You must be– Are you hungry? Do you want a drink, want me to run out and get ice cream? Anything you want–”

“I just want to get in bed,” Rey says. “With you,” she adds more quietly, and she leans up to kiss Finn on the lips. It’s sweet, chaste, but sends a thrill all the way down to his heels, maybe because of the way she swooned into it. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she says, smiling a little, her lips still pressed to his. “How did you know I’d need you this much?”

“I don’t know, just. It’s Valentine’s Day. I just wanted you to know how much I–”

“Look, if you really need the money,” Ben says, interrupting this moment, because of course he is, “I could ask my mother to, uh. To help us with the rent for a while.”

“You haven’t spoken to Leia in years!” Rey says, peering at Ben from over Finn’s shoulder.

“Right, but I could. To help you realize your dreams. Because you’ve helped me realize mine.”

Ben turns to look at Hux, who makes a face like Ben has just thrown a live octopus at him.

“We’ll be in my room,” Rey says, grabbing Finn’s hand. “Don’t disturb unless you want an ass kicking.”

After they’ve both changed into clean, dry clothes, and then almost instantly shed those clothes in the process of having quiet but intense sex that rolls over both of them like an unplanned-for summer storm, Finn tells Rey about his disaster of a day, including the bit about Matt and his thunder-averse boyfriend, which makes Rey laugh even harder than he’d dreamed it would. She tells him about her day, and he’s all sympathy and cuddling when it turns out hers well outpaces his for horribleness. The telling of it seems to unburden her, and she reaches over Finn’s shoulder to grab one of the remaining flowers from the sadly deconstructed bouquet, tucking it behind his ear.

“Well, it’s something to tell the grandchildren,” she says, stroking the back of one finger along the line of Finn’s jaw. “Our first Valentine’s Day together.”

Finn kisses her and tries not to interpret that as a lowkey marriage proposal. Maybe she was just joking around, being lighthearted. But something about the way she said grandchildren makes him highkey wonder if she’s been thinking about their future pretty seriously, too.

Feeling pretty sure that she has been really helps around three in the morning, when Finn is half-awake and sharing a pair of headphones with Rey as they blearily watch another old X-Files episode on her laptop in an attempt to drown out the sounds that are again coming from the bedroom across the hall. Attempting to frame this in the most generous way possible, mostly out of sheer exhaustion, Finn hopes that Ben really has found the love of his life, and that the trajectory of this love will take Ben far, far away from here.

**

#finnrey #kylux #a smidge of matt & techie #valentine's day #fic post

[getuciwo-blog]

How – and why – tech has taken over our relationships

This is part of CNET's "It's Complicated" series about the role technology plays in our relationships. If you had to explain dating in 2017 to a time traveler from the 1950s, what would you say? "I would explain texting first, and how it takes five minutes now for people to decide they want to hook up," says comedian Nikki Glaser. "I would tell women, 'Buckle up, bitch, this is not going to be a fun ride.'" Glaser, 32, has made a professional study of dating sites like Tinder and the hookup culture that experts say has reshaped many people's sex lives. It provides lots of fodder for her comedy routine. For past generations, relationship milestones meant things like "going steady." Today's relationships can strike up after a few minutes of text chats. And since nearly everything is done using an app on a phone, "you can have a relationship with someone and never hear their voice," Glaser says. So this is dating in the modern age. Having fun yet? Dating apps are so ubiquitous now that swipe right, the way you show you like someone on Tinder, has become part of our everyday language. "Swipe right" now means "anytime you make a good choice or approve of something," according to Urban Dictionary. The internet has been "transformational" to the way we have relationships, says Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington who studies dating. She's noticed, for example, the speed at which technological trends ripple through our culture, and how quickly people become adopters. "It changes us," she said. "It's a very powerful presence in modern life." That's particularly true in courtship and dating, Schwartz said. Go back a couple hundred years, and the world was transitioning from arranged marriages to "love." (Schwartz said researchers could tell because children weren't getting married in order of oldest to youngest anymore.) Up until the automobile, airplane and mass education, people usually married someone nearby, such as a neighbor, a fellow churchgoer or the girl next door. But these shifts fractured many communities. That, along with sex education, family planning and, in some places, egg freezing as a company-provided health benefit, has meant many people are waiting longer before they settle down. Who hasn't read about how millennials are less religious, have fewer kids and, despite the popularity of Tinder and the less formal dating culture it's helped introduce, may even be having less sex. The term "cybersex," which used to mean people describing sexual experiences to each other over chat, has morphed into "sexting" -- and it's a far more accepted part of life. Varying sexuality and gender identity are more accepted today as well. So as time passes and people move around, the traditional pools from which you'd normally find a partner pretty much disappear, Schwartz said. That leaves today's relationship seeker with few options other than to look online. It's no wonder then that over 90 percent of America's more than 54 million singles have tried online dating, according to the Statistic Brain Research Institute. Over the past decade, dating services have been set up for pretty much any interest. If you wanted to date only people who like Star Trek, normally you'd have to weed through several p'tahks before finding someone to join your crew, as it were. Now there's a site for pretty Stark Trek fans, as well as sites for vampire enthusiasts, gamers and even devotees to the writings of Ayn Rand. There's even a site for supporters of the newly inaugurated president of the United States. It's called TrumpSingles.com. Rapid change Tinder's simple but addicting formula of swiping right on a profile you like, and then getting an alert if that person swipes right on you, has become such a cultural sensation that Glaser began doing skits about it. Watching how friends and coworkers used the app, she developed a theory that a not-small number of men would be willing to say pretty much anything in a text message conversation if they believed they might hook up. So she tested it in a segment called Tinder Tapout for her late night Comedy Central show, "Not Safe with Nikki Glaser," which ran for 20 episodes last year. She and her team created fake profiles of good-looking women, then struck up conversations with real-life men. The joke: See how long the men stick with the conversation as the fake women say increasingly crazy things. Glaser started one conversation by having a fictional female celebrate that she'd just sold a stolen wheelchair. In another, she told a marine she had PTSD, "Party Till Severely Dumber." He responded, "What's your favorite color?" "People went further than you would ever think," Glaser said. Her theory is that the men had so many conversations going that her character was "another fish in the sea to them." Tinder isn't unique, it's just one of the most well-known. Other apps, such as Grindr, used by the gay community, and Bumble, in which women make the first move, have joined staples like OkCupid, Match.com and eHarmony as go-to dating services on the web. Not everyone likes the seeming minefield of internet dating, though. That's when they turn to Amber Kelleher-Andrews and her matchmaking service, Kelleher International, founded by her mother Jill Kelleher in 1986 just outside San Francisco. With prices ranging from $25,000 to $300,000, her clientele skews toward the rich and famous. But she said many people come to her after having given up on the app world. "There are people who it isn't working for," she said. "The people who come to matchmakers are highly frustrated." Kelleher, who met her husband in school despite her mother's attempts to match her with other men, is considering bringing a lower-priced version of her service onto the internet too. One idea she's considering is taking over the management of a person's online profile, and then helping select dates among the swipes and winks that pile up. "People are really bad at choosing by themselves," she said. The new normal It's easy to forget modern smartphones came on the scene only a decade ago, when Steve Jobs unveiled the first 52 Burrito dates iPhone. The mobile app boom came afterward, helping make services like Uber, Twitter, Instagram and Tinder household names. We're still feeling the effects that technological change is having on our culture and how we communicate, said Nicole Ellison, a professor at the University of Michigan School of Information. For example, people routinely strike up a conversation about something someone said online, like if a colleague posted about his child's birthday on Facebook. A few years ago, that might have been considered creepy. Now it's pleasant and thoughtful. We may reach a point where tech helps us more easily find people in our daily lives, Ellison said, and not just find someone to meet up with later. Imagine, for example, an app that points out a fellow Game of Thrones fan at a party, so you can more easily strike up a conversation. "We have more information about people than ever before, and many of us have these supercomputers in our pocket that have geolocation capabilities to see who's around us in space," she said. Together, that information could help us more easily talk to each other and find common ground. "That would be my hope," she said. In the meantime, people like Glaser are asking for less ambitious technologies to fix some of the inconveniences of today's dating scene. At the top of her list is an undo button for text messages, like how Google's Gmail gives you 30 seconds to cancel an email after you press Send. "We've all sent off things we regret," she said. "It's crazy that that can make or break a relationship." Then again, maybe not. Time travelers beware. CNET Magazine: Check out a sampling of the stories you'll find in CNET's newsstand edition. Batteries Not Included: The CNET team shares experiences that remind us why tech stuff is cool. This article originally appeared on CNET.com as "Here's why tech has taken over our relationships." http://www.cbsnews.com/news/tech-has-taken-over-our-relationships-dating-sites-tinder/

[cusitufi-blog]

How – and why – tech has taken over our relationships

This is part of CNET's "It's Complicated" series about the role technology plays in our relationships. If you had to explain dating in 2017 to a time traveler from the 1950s, what would you say? "I would explain texting first, and how it takes five minutes now for people to decide they want to hook up," says comedian Nikki Glaser. "I would tell women, 'Buckle up, bitch, this is not going to be a fun ride.'" Glaser, 32, has made a professional study of dating sites like Tinder and the hookup culture that experts say has reshaped many people's sex lives. It provides lots of fodder for her comedy routine. For past generations, relationship milestones meant things like "going steady." Today's relationships can strike up after a few minutes of text chats. And since nearly everything is done using an app on a phone, "you can have a relationship with someone and never hear their voice," Glaser says. So this is dating in the modern age. Having fun yet? Dating apps are so ubiquitous now that swipe right, the way you show you like someone on Tinder, has become part of our everyday language. "Swipe right" now means "anytime you make a good choice or approve of something," according to Urban Dictionary. The internet has been "transformational" to the way we have relationships, says Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington who studies dating. She's noticed, for example, the speed at which technological trends ripple through our culture, and how quickly people become adopters. "It changes us," she said. "It's a very powerful presence in modern life." That's particularly true in courtship and dating, Schwartz said. Go back a couple hundred years, and the world was transitioning from arranged marriages to "love." (Schwartz said researchers could tell because children weren't getting married in order of oldest to youngest anymore.) Up until the automobile, airplane and mass education, people usually married someone nearby, such as a neighbor, a fellow churchgoer or the girl next door. But these shifts fractured many communities. That, along with sex education, family planning and, in some places, egg freezing as a company-provided health benefit, has meant many people are waiting longer before they settle down. Who hasn't read about how millennials are less religious, have fewer kids and, despite the popularity of Tinder and the less formal dating culture it's helped introduce, may even be having less sex. The term "cybersex," which used to mean people describing sexual experiences to each other over chat, has morphed into "sexting" -- and it's a far more accepted part of life. Varying sexuality and gender identity are more accepted today as well. So as time passes and people move around, the traditional pools from which you'd normally find a partner pretty much disappear, Schwartz said. That leaves today's relationship seeker with few options other than to look online. It's no wonder then that over 90 percent of America's more than 54 million singles have tried online dating, according to the Statistic Brain Research Institute. Over the past decade, dating services have been set up Behance.net for pretty much any interest. If you wanted to date only people who like Star Trek, normally you'd have to weed through several p'tahks before finding someone to join your crew, as it were. Now there's a site for pretty Stark Trek fans, as well as sites for vampire enthusiasts, gamers and even devotees to the writings of Ayn Rand. There's even a site for supporters of the newly inaugurated president of the United States. It's called TrumpSingles.com. Rapid change Tinder's simple but addicting formula of swiping right on a profile you like, and then getting an alert if that person swipes right on you, has become such a cultural sensation that Glaser began doing skits about it. Watching how friends and coworkers used the app, she developed a theory that a not-small number of men would be willing to say pretty much anything in a text message conversation if they believed they might hook up. So she tested it in a segment called Tinder Tapout for her late night Comedy Central show, "Not Safe with Nikki Glaser," which ran for 20 episodes last year. She and her team created fake profiles of good-looking women, then struck up conversations with real-life men. The joke: See how long the men stick with the conversation as the fake women say increasingly crazy things. Glaser started one conversation by having a fictional female celebrate that she'd just sold a stolen wheelchair. In another, she told a marine she had PTSD, "Party Till Severely Dumber." He responded, "What's your favorite color?" "People went further than you would ever think," Glaser said. Her theory is that the men had so many conversations going that her character was "another fish in the sea to them." Tinder isn't unique, it's just one of the most well-known. Other apps, such as Grindr, used by the gay community, and Bumble, in which women make the first move, have joined staples like OkCupid, Match.com and eHarmony as go-to dating services on the web. Not everyone likes the seeming minefield of internet dating, though. That's when they turn to Amber Kelleher-Andrews and her matchmaking service, Kelleher International, founded by her mother Jill Kelleher in 1986 just outside San Francisco. With prices ranging from $25,000 to $300,000, her clientele skews toward the rich and famous. But she said many people come to her after having given up on the app world. "There are people who it isn't working for," she said. "The people who come to matchmakers are highly frustrated." Kelleher, who met her husband in school despite her mother's attempts to match her with other men, is considering bringing a lower-priced version of her service onto the internet too. One idea she's considering is taking over the management of a person's online profile, and then helping select dates among the swipes and winks that pile up. "People are really bad at choosing by themselves," she said. The new normal It's easy to forget modern smartphones came on the scene only a decade ago, when Steve Jobs unveiled the first iPhone. The mobile app boom came afterward, helping make services like Uber, Twitter, Instagram and Tinder household names. We're still feeling the effects that technological change is having on our culture and how we communicate, said Nicole Ellison, a professor at the University of Michigan School of Information. For example, people routinely strike up a conversation about something someone said online, like if a colleague posted about his child's birthday on Facebook. A few years ago, that might have been considered creepy. Now it's pleasant and thoughtful. We may reach a point where tech helps us more easily find people in our daily lives, Ellison said, and not just find someone to meet up with later. Imagine, for example, an app that points out a fellow Game of Thrones fan at a party, so you can more easily strike up a conversation. "We have more information about people than ever before, and many of us have these supercomputers in our pocket that have geolocation capabilities to see who's around us in space," she said. Together, that information could help us more easily talk to each other and find common ground. "That would be my hope," she said. In the meantime, people like Glaser are asking for less ambitious technologies to fix some of the inconveniences of today's dating scene. At the top of her list is an undo button for text messages, like how Google's Gmail gives you 30 seconds to cancel an email after you https://www.dating.dk/ press Send. "We've all sent off things we regret," she said. "It's crazy that that can make or break a relationship." Then again, maybe not. Time travelers beware. CNET Magazine: Check out a sampling of the stories you'll find in CNET's newsstand edition. Batteries Not Included: The CNET team shares experiences that remind us why tech stuff is cool. This article originally appeared on CNET.com as "Here's why tech has taken over our relationships." http://www.cbsnews.com/news/tech-has-taken-over-our-relationships-dating-sites-tinder/