#i will bealone forever and i just wanna die

[skunkg1rll]

i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((

#it's bc i saw that he #uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty #and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all #he said that he had me as his background #so now i feel so fkn sad #i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die #i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly #and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it #or even have a 'it' with me #hurts so bad #so now im just in an awful headspace... #i hate myself so much #i wish i could go back and not do what i did #i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him #but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now #and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be #and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand #bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do #i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy #the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that #i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it #then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me #plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him #but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him #it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone #and it started w them wanting me back #who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding #that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning #i will bealone forever and i just wanna die